All language subtitles for Franklin.&.Bash.S01E04.Bro-Bono.1080p.NF.WEB-DL.DDP.5.1.H.264-CHDWEB_track3_[eng]

-I never kiss and tell.
-PETER: Yeah, right.

All right, my ball.

-Seven ball, corner pocket.
-All right.

What about Ann Weisler?

-What about her?
-Couldn't keep that a secret.

You're the only person I told about that.

What happened that night will die with me.

PINDAR [ON COMPUTER]:
I love the Ann Weisler story.

Making love on the beach in Del Mar.

Getting tangled in the kelp. Kelp is sexy.

Okay, like I said, I didn't tell anybody.

-Pindar's not anybody.
-What about you and Hanna?

Nothing happened
with me and Hanna, okay?

Your husband "said" you knew
who I was when you married me

after you confronted him
about cheating on you.

That's an admission of guilt

and will trigger the infidelity
clause against him.

I don't want things to get nasty.

Oh, well, let's hope
they don't come to that.

You can catch more flies with honey.

Ready?

-Oh, Mulligan. Thanks, buddy.
-You got it, buddy.

Karp's coming.

By the way, did I tell you?

I actually breed Portuguese honeybees.

Why don't we step into my office?

ALL: Surprise!

[♪♪♪]

Happy birthday!

You do not look 50. There, I've said it.

That's because I'm not anywhere near 50.

STANTON: Birthday?

-I thought that was in September.
-It is.

Well, it wouldn't have been
a surprise then.

-What's this?
-This is from us.

And the firm chipped in for all of it.

Stanton. Thanks, Stanton.

And who is this?

Oh, this is Maya Paxton.

She's what we call a client.
We're handling her divorce.

STANTON: You'd think with my name
above the door,

somebody would put a beverage
in my hand.

Ah! Derek.

-How's your wife?
-Wonderful.

STANTON: Come on.

[LAUGHS]

-Maya Paxton.
-Yeah. Wife of Rick Paxton.

Guy who climbed Everest alone,
ballooned solo around the globe.

Swam the English Channel.
Guy is a walking cologne commercial.

Paxton also owns
a significant video-game company.

For now. We'll take care of that.

Um, I don't know how many of you
will have jobs tomorrow,

but you should get back to them.

-Damien, loosen up!
-Damien, come on.

It's almost your birthday!

Hey. Here's the thing.
Let me give you a little tip.

Girls like a guy
who knows how to have fun.

-Oh.
-See, I want this to be a good horse race

between you and me.

But right now, I'm just pulling ahead.

-I'm way out there.
-Yeah.

That's a very cool guitar.
Do you mind if I--?

Sure.

Thanks.

-Need a pick?
-I'll use your plectrum.

BOTH:
"Plectrum."

[STRUMS]

-That's beautiful.
-That is beautiful.

-Absolutely. Wow.
-Did you write that?

[PLAYING BLUES MUSIC]

[CROWD APPLAUDING]

Needs a tuning.

Thank you, Jared.

I'm gonna get back to my desk.

-You should tune it.
-You should tune it.

[PETE'S "MIXTURE" PLAYING]

♪ Ooh, what a mixture ♪

♪ Such a vivid picture ♪

♪ Ooh, what a mixture ♪

♪ If I must say so myself ♪

[♪♪♪]

JARED:
Let's do this!

CARMEN:
Boys, you might wanna back up.

I don't feel so good.
I don't wanna do this.

Get somebody shorter.
I'm gonna be sick.

If you puke near me again,

I swear to God,
I will take off your head.

Just do it! Just do it, then!

[ALL CHEERING]

MAN:
Awesome!

All right. Pay up.

This private-investigator thing
doesn't work out,

there's always Special Forces.

Thank you.

[GROANS]

I get a cut of that.

JARED:
Let me ask you.

If you were a chick,
would you go for me or Karp?

-Karp.
-What?

What? He's got the Porsche.

The Wilshire condo,
the Soho House membership.

Okay, you are one vapid chick.

I don't even wanna date you.

It's moot
'cause I'd be boning Karp.

-I wanna see other people.
-Go ahead.

-[BANGING ON DOOR]
-Oh!

-Is that...?
-Everybody's All-American,

Danny Dubois. Double D!

-Yeah.
-Yeah!

How great is this place?

After 10 years,
you can still cruise it,

know something's happening.

That is great.
We should move.

-Double D heard that.
-[PETER LAUGHS]

-Did the thing with the face.
-Let's move in together.

Oh, we should!
That wouldn't be awkward at all.

Last we heard you were some
hedge-fund guy in Connecticut.

Yeah. Just out here visiting
family.

-Sure you don't want a drink?
-No, thanks.

I do need a lawyer, though.

Last week,
I got caught up in a brawl.

-Like a brouhaha?
-I was at a strip club.

There were beer, and fists,
and teeth flying.

-Ah, a donnybrook.
-Ah.

Oh. Sweet.

So I thought I'd throw
a little business your way,

and since Bash here
is tapping the DA...

We broke up.

That sucks.

We're with
Infeld Daniels now.

We don't really
do donnybrooks.

So give us a call when you start
embezzling pension funds.

Heh-heh-heh! Nad.

Still a wiseass.

Don't call me Nad.

[♪♪♪]

JARED:
Danny's a tool.

He was a tool back then.
He's a tool now.

-He's a big tooly tool.
-Is this about the shower thing?

Oh, come on.
That was 15 years ago.

Yeah.

Fine. You know what?
We'll do it.

Any excuse for you
to see your ex.

Danny was at home

when his buddy Mike Cromwell
called from the club.

Some guys messed with Mike. He needed
backup, so he called Danny.

So why call the cops?

Danny gets his ass kicked
while Mike hid behind the bar.

Guess who gets charged
with the assault.

-Your client.
-Exactly.

Look at the report.
Everyone was throwing punches.

Including your client.

-Sitting this one out, Jared?
-Just the meetings involving you.

Look, he's got no record,

and there's no way to tell
who started the fight.

I'm reading.

-Stop biting your lip.
-Stop looking at me.

-She knows that's a strong move.
-Oh, sometime today.

Okay. Talk.

The club manager
has no interest pursuing this case.

It's not my case. It's been
assigned to Ellen Swatello.

No, she hates us.

She hates everybody.

I'll talk to her, see if I can
get her to reduce charges.

Thank you.

[PETER SCOFFS]

You're just being cruel.

-Stop.
-What?

JUDGE:
Okay. Let's begin.

[SPEAKS INDISTINCTLY]

Even though
this is an arbitration

and the evidentiary rules
are relaxed,

the rule of law still applies.

All right, all right.
Can we just do this?

Sure. How about ladies first?

My client, Maya Paxton,

is seeking a divorce
for loss of consortium.

Mr. Paxton
lost interest in his wife.

They haven't had sex
in eight months,

which suggests that he reverted
to his old ways.

We're gonna show that Rick
violated the infidelity clause and prenup.

That's not true.

Interesting theory.

I don't suppose
you have any proof?

Aside from the fact
he's grown tired of sleeping--

-Glenna!
-HANNA: He's right.

Unless you wanna get sanctioned,
I wouldn't finish that sentence.

We're working on the proof.
We'll find it. Trust me.

When someone cheats,
I find out eventually.

Because of Mr. Paxton's
sexual history,

dual infidelity clauses
were instituted,

-punishing both parties.
-JUDGE: I'm aware of that.

Well, it's hard for my client
to have sex with his wife

if she's always in Florida
doing her home-shopping show.

It's even harder to have sex

when her husband's crossing
the Atlantic in a balloon.

Assuming he didn't have his
girlfriend in the balloon.

Whoa, whoa.
Now, hold on.

Now, it's one thing to say
that I cheated on Maya.

It's another to say
I cheated on my solo flight.

Wow, so glad to see
you have your priorities in order, Rick.

I mean, God forbid,
you'd cheat on a balloon.

[SIGHS]

Your Honor,
I believe the prosecution,

who, by the way,
looks radiant today,

has a motion
to reduce the charges?

I'm aware Mr. Bash spoke

to my happily engaged colleague,
Janie Ross.

Oh. She went
for your knees there, bro.

Unsportsmanlike conduct,
Your Honor.

It does seem a bit personal.

No kidding.
Thank you, Your Honor.

New evidence has come to light
that requires a charge be added.

Driving Under The Influence.

DUI?

-Come on, this was a little...
-A donnybrook.

Which your client
drove to drunk.

We have security camera footage
of him driving recklessly

across a golf course
and up to the strip club.

I drove up in a golf cart.

The police arrived,
took everyone's blood alcohol.

And Mr. Dubois'
was above the legal limit.

Did you charge everyone
who drove to the club with DUI?

Just the ones who punched
the arresting officer.

He wasn't
wearing a uniform.

I didn't mean to punch him.

I didn't mean to punch you.

It would've been helpful
if you mentioned that to us.

WINTERS:
Assault charges gone.

Drunk-driving charges added.

Wow, I didn't see that coming.
Did you, Mr. Bash?

[♪♪♪]

What kind of stunt was that?

Look who's whining about stunts.
I'll see you guys at trial.

-What is her problem?
-What is your problem?

Oh, oh. Really?

[BOTH MUMBLE]

-Hi.
-Hi.

I've been here eight years and I
deal with imbeciles like you two

while your suck-up Janie,
who's been here half as long,

gets bumped up
to Major Crimes.

Yeah, okay.
Have a nice day.

Why can't I find a woman
like that?

What's going on?

If the cop's so pissed, why
don't they stick with assault?

'Cause if they charged you
and not everyone,

we'd argue selective prosecution.
Now they can go after just you.

They're gonna ask for jail time.
If you're convicted, they'll get it.

Guys, I had two beers. I wasn't drunk.

Where were you when you got
the call to go to the club?

-I was kicking it at home.
-When you say "kicking it"--

Feel free to join us in this decade.

--where would that be?

That's not a tough question.
Where were you?

I live with my grandmother.

I got in the game
just as the economy tanked,

so I was the last hired
and the first fired.

Couldn't keep the condo, so I came here.

Are you gonna be able to pay us?

I was kind of hoping
you had a pro bono policy.

Bro bono.

-Hey, Nana.
-NANA: Hey, Danny, come on.

We got to get to the market.
We miss free samples after 5.

If I get a DUI, do I lose my license?

Yeah, probably. For a while.

I drive my grandmother
to the doctor and errands.

I thought it'd be a pain in the ass,
but turns out they keep me young.

-Danny! Come on.
-DANNY: All right, all right.

NANA: For God's sake, come on.

Ah, admit it. You're happy
Danny's fallen on rough times.

-He was a dick to you in high school.
-That's not true.

Because there,
but for the grace of God, go I.

If I were a douche.

PETER: Hey. What happened?

[SIGHS] Your colleagues only succeeded

in getting Rick and his lawyer angry.

And what a raging bitch.

Hannah and Karp know
your husband's a public figure,

and he wants to keep the divorce quiet.

PETER: The threat
of blowing up the arbitration

and taking this to public trial
is sound legal advice.

It just lacks human compassion

and puts money into our firm and theirs.

I appreciate the honesty.
Could use a little bit of that in my life.

-Thank you.
-Anytime.

We're open three days a week.

You are determined
to get us fired, aren't you?

Carmen talked to a stripper
who saw him break up the fight.

Why not put her on the stand?

Thought about it.
Jurors don't like strippers.

You know who they love?
Old people.

Talk to Danny's grandmother
and her friends.

See if any noticed
Danny was sober when he left.

I love old people.

I tried to live
in a retirement home once.

They're clean,
no stigma to being housebound.

And the food is delicious.

Let me handle this.

You got it, pal.
Just keep your eye on the ball.

I got a call from Maya Paxton.

She was very impressed
with your candor this afternoon.

Me? Not so much.

-Hi, Pindar.
-Hello, sir.

You upset?

Well, we're not
the poverty law center, Jared.

We're actually in this
to make a profit.

However, Maya liked you so much,

she wants you
on the Paxton arbitration.

-With Hanna?
-I need him on the assault case.

Damien can fill you in
with the details.

Or Hanna.
Probably Hanna. Yeah.

Uh, is there something
I should know about those two?

No.

-Really?
-No.

There's been some talk.

I don't listen
to that kind of stuff.

Really? Hm.

All right.

[ELEVATOR BELL DINGS]

We all together?

I am, of course, Pindar Singh.

I wish I could be there
with you today,

but I'm unfortunately stuck
in London.

CARMEN:
That's bullshit.

-PINDAR: Get out of here.
-CARMEN: Bullshit!

I want to thank you all
for coming today.

Whatever we can do
to help my grandson.

Okay. You live at the Palms.
Stellar facility.

Not as nice as Coldwater Creek,
but a much nicer piano.

I hate the parrot in the lobby.
Nasty bird.

I'm sorry. Who said that?

-Me. I hate birds.
-Me too.

Did you know that birds
carry more germs than rodents?

I used to shoot them
out of my bedroom window

till the home took away
my Second Amendment rights.

Perhaps we can kill birds
together someday, Miss...?

-Nanette.
-Nanette.

How much did Danny
have to drink that night?

We were at my place
watching Ice Road Truckers,

and Danny dropped by
after his run.

We tend to congregate
in my room.

Best TV in the village.

Nanette is talking!

Thank you. Hi.

Hi.

Um, how much did Danny
have to drink?

He was on his second beer

when the phone call came
from his friend.

Is there any way
to back up your recollection

that Danny only had two beers?

Well, I still have four beers
from that 6-pack in my fridge.

Would that help?

Doesn't hurt, Nanette.

Pindar.

[♪♪♪]

The plans for my dream house
were drawn up

before I even met Maya.

If there's any dream involved here,
it's mine.

Rick can have it.
Ain't nothing.

-I don't want it.
-Maya, we didn't agree to this.

MAYA: Jared and I discussed it
on the way over

and the house
is a disaster.

Well, fine.

Then Maya can have the cabin
in Aspen.

I mean, she's the skier
in the family.

Or was the skier.

Hm.

-How did you let this happen?
-Me?

All right, let's keep moving.
We can be done in an hour.

Great.
I'll make a tee time for 2:00.

-Hey, wait a minute.
-KARP: Yes.

Everybody just needs
to stop being so...

-Decent?
-This is a complicated case.

There are irreconcilable
differences.

Like the fact that Mr. Paxton
is cheating on his wife.

Oh, absent proof.
I don't see how you think--

The phone records, e-mails and
those pictures

are pretty clear evidence
of a relationship.

Your client's transgression
just triggered item five

to the tune of $60 million.

Fine. I raise you
another $60 million.

Whoa.

Wait a minute.

Both sleeping
with the same mistress?

How very green of you.

Put them together,
it's fun.

-Wow.
-Yeah.

-Why didn't you tell us?
-It's not what it looks like.

Question for the scary lady.

That one.

-Why are we seeing this crap now?
-Why are we just seeing yours?

We just learned about it.

Oh, please.

And if you hadn't spent
so much time trolling the sludge

to get your client a payoff
she doesn't deserve,

we wouldn't have been forced
to counter your story with ours.

It's a draw, people.
Let's go home.

It was a kiss goodbye.
I didn't cheat.

I know.
We're the last of a dying breed, Maya.

You dumped me.
Why am I the one who cheated?

Okay, Hanna and I
didn't have sex.

Let's put that to bed.

Okay, since both clients
violated the infidelity clause,

your client isn't entitled
to 60 million.

Fine. Maybe I did cheat.

But that doesn't mean
I don't love you.

[♪♪♪]

Oh. Maya.

That sounded a lot like an
admission of an affair.

-He said "maybe."
-HANNA: What were you thinking?

Carmen?

You want me to find out
who's cheating on who.

You couldn't possibly have known
I was gonna ask you that.

I'll take care of it.

Oh. Just--

Where'd everybody go?

PINDAR [ON PHONE]: You'll be great.
Don't be nervous.

I'll be fine.

You've walked me through
my testimony seven times.

Leave me on for the trial.

Did you bring
the remaining four beers?

They're right there
next to you.

Oh.

Your Honor, I'd ask that these
be marked "Defense Exhibit C."

-So marked.
-How do you know these are the beers?

Oh, I don't drink.

But I always keep a six-pack
in the fridge for Danny.

Aw. So sweet.

Now, I assume the prosecution
will attack your memory

-based on...
-My age.

You can say it.

I'm 74.

[CROWD MURMURING]

The Moon is Blue.

William Holden
and David Niven.

Written by F. Hugh Herbert.

Directed by Otto Preminger
in 1953.

Nanette memorized every movie
for the past 60 years.

Miss Swatello,
care to challenge her memory?

Your Honor?

-Uh, Leprechaun.
-PETER: Nice.

Written and directed
by Mark Jones in 1993.

Starring Warwick Davis,

and a young Jennifer Aniston.

[PETER CHUCKLES]

It's a parlor trick.
It doesn't show her ability

to remember relevant details
in a given moment.

Which is why I brought this.

Your Honor,
with the court's permission,

I'd like to blindfold Nanette
to prove her recall.

Granted.

Nanette.

The juror in the back row,

second from the right,
what's she wearing?

Tangerine top,
almost matches her hair.

How about the DA,
Miss Swatello?

Gray pants, gray jacket,
even her shoes.

Everything is gray.

PETER: The mural behind me,
what is it?

Native Americans
greeting settlers

at the Pacific Ocean.

-PETER: What are they holding?
-Corn.

[WINTERS CHUCKLES]

Corn.

[♪♪♪]

[CAR ALARM CHIRPS]

Excuse me.

-Hi.
-Can I help you?

I've got a house I wanna build.

I hear you're good
at drawing them.

I'd love to help you, but...

[♪♪♪]

A kiss goodbye while waiting for my car.

-Frozen, it looks something else.
-Yeah.

Frozen. Well, it looks hot.

Maya and I met on the plans
when Rick was out of town.

Seriously, it was nothing.

And was this nothing too?

Look, I never slept with Rick.

One time, we almost--

You know, I could subpoena you to tell us.

And I could sit there
and keep my mouth shut.

Or I could make stuff up
that you wouldn't like.

Your memory is impressive.

But I'd like to challenge you
one more time.

Do you remember where you were
the night of May 6, 1998?

Objection. What's that have to
do with events on August 2nd?

It's the date Nanette Norton
was convicted of prostitution.

-Miss Norton has never been--
-ELLEN: Miss Norton wasn't.

But Nancy Blesoe was.
Or was it Miranda Cain?

You've had several aliases, haven't you?

Yes.

PINDAR [ON PHONE]: Oh, my God!
My Nanette's a whore!

But I'm not lying about Danny.
He only drank two beers.

Due respect,
but everything about you is a lie.

You've been convicted
of credit-card fraud,

kiting checks,
and three other prostitution convictions.

In fact I'm starting to think
maybe today's not the first time

you were asked
to be blindfolded. Was it?

HANNA: So Allison was in love
with Rick Paxton, but not Maya?

-JARED: One for the home team.
-CARMEN: Well, not so fast.

Maya was in love
with Rick Paxton,

but Paxton wasn't in love
with her.

In fact,
they never even had sex.

Well, they almost did
but didn't.

She didn't say why.

Wait, when Maya confronted Rick
about having the affair with Alison,

he basically admitted to it,
now she's saying they didn't consummate?

Why would Allison be lying?

-Maybe she's not.
-Think he is?

Paxton is admitting to an affair
so he can lose $11 million.

He's a guy.

A guy's accused of cheating,
his first instinct is to lie.

Rick's first instinct
is to admit it?

Well, maybe he was being honest
about what happened

when they were together,

instead of lying about it.

-Mm-hm.
-He's hiding something.

You getting a blip
on the gaydar?

The guy's a notorious
international womanizer.

Hell, he markets himself
that way.

Then what?

-What do men lie about?
-Money.

-Size.
-Everything.

-Girth.
-Okay. Little angry.

All right?
You're in the right ballpark.

As Rick will tell you,
it's not the size of a balloon,

it's whether
you get it off the ground.

-Spare us the analogies.
-He couldn't get an erection.

Okay, so if he was willing
to pay off the prenup

to keep his private business
private,

then how are we gonna get him
to admit to it?

[♪♪♪]

This is why you hire us.

[STRUMMING CHORDS]

My sweet old lady
turned out to be a hooker.

Who doesn't have one of those
in their lives?

-Makes me want to play a song.
-That's unfortunate.

-All right. You name the artist.
-Okay, Cold War Kids.

Something between the Eagles
or AC/DC.

But you choose, just as long
as it's the Eagles or AC/DC.

Bleh.
No, I don't think so.

-I need to talk to you.
-No, me first.

Nanette imploded
on the stand today.

We're stuck with
"rising-blood-alcohol" defense.

Well, maybe the relevant time
isn't when he drank,

but whether the alcohol
was in his system in the cart.

But the jury needs something
they can sink their teeth into,

not an anatomy lesson.

Speaking of anatomy,
I can win our case with Maya

if I can get some alone time
with Rick Paxton.

To talk about what?

You only get one joke about this
because I gotta move on it.

-Promise.
-His flaccid penis.

You can't negotiate
with the opposing party

without his lawyer present.

I just wanna invite him
to Margarita Monday at the cave.

Where is it said it's against the law
to invite someone to a party?

California Attorney's Code
of Professional Conduct.

I thought of that
as more of a guideline.

-Seriously, that's it on flaccid penis?
-Too easy.

I was really hoping
for something there.

Don't talk to Rick Paxton.
It's too risky.

Which makes for
a bigger reward.

[♪♪♪]

Oh!

[GASPS]

Uh, you can't approach me
without my counsel.

We're just riding together.
I haven't said anything.

You know, your architect said
you didn't have sex with her.

You say you did.
One of you is lying.

Well, so much
for just riding together.

Do you wanna tell me why,
or should we take this to court?

Well, you won't be trying it
because you will be disbarred.

Then I'll take you down with me.
I'm kidding.

But I will take you down
with me.

Oh, so this is blackmail too?

Unless you agree to come
to Margarita Monday at my place.

Eight o'clock,
bathing suits optional.

Now, you give me 10 minutes.

Don't like what I have to say,
all it costs you is a party.

After that,
we go back to the arbitration,

lawyers get rich,
and you can turn me in.

Ten minutes.
It's your call.

[♪♪♪]

No, you crossed the line.

We're Franklin and Bash.

We crossed the line
10 exits back.

This is an ethics violation
that could put us out our asses.

I don't understand
how you can be so calm.

Because I know Paxton will come,
and I know I'm right on this.

-Well, you better be, Jared.
-And you better be, Peter.

He's just stressed
about Danny's trial.

Well, it's not his fault.
He got a loser.

Hey, what'd I do to you
to make you hate me so much?

Because I don't
even remember.

Kind of says it all right there,
doesn't it?

[R&B MUSIC
PLAYING OVER SPEAKERS]

-[KNOCK ON DOOR]
-Come in.

[WHISPERS]
Hi. Carmen sent me.

It's not a speakeasy.
Come on in.

[IN NORMAL VOICE]
Oh.

Well...

You got five minutes.

Come on in.

♪ The first time
I saw your face ♪

♪ My heart skipped a beat ♪

♪ Something about you, baby ♪

Well, look who flew back
from London.

I didn't break any laws.
You're so pretty.

It's funny.
I feel like I know you.

But actually,
this is the first time

I've seen you face to face.

I'm sorry
I didn't tell you the truth.

Whatever you did 12 years ago
is your business.

Twelve years ago
is when I was last arrested.

♪ Baby ♪

♪ Baby ♪

♪ Baby ♪

♪ Your love is killin' me ♪

So is it always
like this here?

Oh, sorry.
It's a school night.

You should see it
on the weekends.

[GASPS]

Okay. Talk.

I know why you didn't have sex
with Allison Cruze.

What makes you think
I didn't?

Because the same thing
happened to me

a couple weeks ago
in this very house.

This girl came over,
smoking hot--

Wait, wait, wait,
wait a minute.

Not Hanna Linden?

Well, she came over,
and it got a little crazy,

and when it was go time,
I, uh, couldn't storm the beach.

It's humiliating.

It's every guy's
worst nightmare, right?

Ah! Advantage, Karp. Huh?

[BOTH LAUGH]

Well, it is one thing
for me to go soft.

It's another thing
if it turns out you did.

Stirred Magazine's
"Most Virile Man Alive."

That's not just bad
for your reputation, that bad--

[WOMAN SPEAKS INDISTINCTLY]

That's bad for
your business.

I don't know
what you're talking about.

That's why you want arbitration
instead of a trial.

You'd rather be guilty
of infidelity

and sweep it under the rug

than let the world know
that you might be impotent.

Look...

I think it was environmental.

-It--
-No, no.

See, we had black mold
in our new house.

I saw online somewhere
that there's these side effects.

Okay. Yeah.

Mine was environmental too.

See, we were all set to go,
and then an ABBA song came on,

-and that was it.
-[CHUCKLES]

Look, I read almost all
of your autobiography

a couple of times, okay?

You're not a quitter.

-Ah...
-Okay, Maya's there.

Go get her.

[ALL CHEERING]

Another dive!

ALL [CHANTING]:
Chug, chug, chug!

-What is going on?
-Cocoon drinking game.

Every time one of the retirees
in the movie dives in the pool,

they take a shot.

Wow.

-We going to jail?
-I don't think so.

I think I may have
gotten through to Paxton.

[ALL CHEERING]

Those folks
really like Danny, huh?

They'll be lost without him
if we lose this.

Maybe I'll help you win it.
Not for Danny, but for them.

You know what? You can.

I think you can, buddy.

[ALL CHEERING]

Oh, no!

[♪♪♪]

JARED:
Come on, let's go. We're late.

-Coming. I'm coming.
-Hey, got a sec?

-We're late for court. Okay.
-It'll only be a minute. One minute.

Be over here. Not listening.

I wanna talk about the rumors
going around about us.

What rumors?

You're telling everyone
that we didn't have sex?

-Because I got your back.
-[CHUCKLES]

This is not the Monday after prom,
Jared, okay?

I don't care what people think, ever.

And if they find out the truth
that we had crazy, headboard-banging sex,

and that I had 19 orgasms
that made me see unicorns,

that's fine by me.

Because I'm a big girl,

and I'm responsible for everything I do.

Whether it's in the courtroom
or the bedroom.

Okay.

All right, then, uh...

I'll see you at arbitration.

Mm. Yeah.

[♪♪♪]

What time does
the security camera show my client

driving through the golf course,
which is a private property,

and the only thing
he risked injuring were ducks?

Not to interrupt Mr. Bash's editorial,
but he also drove on Marina Boulevard.

This is my time.

And he crossed, crossed Marina Boulevard,

36 feet at eight miles an hour.

The footage was taken at 10:41 p.m.

At what time did you administer
the blood alcohol test?

11:10 p.m. Five minutes after
he punched me in the face.

[♪♪♪]

And a half-hour after
he was driving?

[GRUNTS]

Objection.

-WINTERS: Mr. Bash, would you tell me
what you're doing

before I hold you
and your colleague in contempt?

We're arguing how it
takes time for alcohol

to be absorbed
into a person's body.

Mr. Franklin is demonstrating
that to the jury.

Oh, would it have killed you
to chill these? My God.

Take out your Taser, Chuck.

If he takes another sip,
hit him with everything you got.

-Chuck.
-May we approach with Penn and Teller?

Fine.

I'd ask that Officer Preston
be allowed to administer

a field sobriety test
to Mr. Franklin.

-Your Honor, this is--
-Respectfully, Your Honor,

we know you're new to the bench.

I'd hate to see you
overturned on appeal.

I mean, that's...

-Embarrassing.
-Very embarrassing.

[CLEARS THROAT]

Can you check to see
if Mr. Franklin is drunk,

in addition to being insane?

-You're on, kid.
-All right.

You're on.

[BLOWS AIR]

[HUMMING]

[LAUGHS]

PETER:
Officer Preston.

Fifteen minutes ago
you gave Mr. Franklin

a sobriety test
that registered 0.001.

-Is that the legal limit?
-Yes.

Could you have Mr. Franklin
blow into this device again?

-[SIGHS]
-JARED: I'm good.

Could you please blow, sir?

[BLOWS AIR]

[DEVICE BEEPING]

[ALARM BEEPS]

Point zero-nine.
That's above the legal limit.

Yeah, it is.

Does he appear
under the influence?

Yes.

-Lightweight.
-I love you.

But he wasn't 15 minutes ago.

Isn't it possible
that Danny Dubois was sober

when he drove the golf cart,

but legally intoxicated,
when tested after the fight?

It's possible he was
under the limit when driving.

It's possible.

[♪♪♪]

No further questions.

-You can sit down now.
-You can sit down.

Whoo!

You finally figured out a way
to get wasted in court.

-So who is it?
-Who is who?

Who is the guy who has to spend
eternity with this?

Don't be hostile, Jared.

You get custody of Peter.
You won.

I've listened to Peter talk
about how beautiful you are.

And I never saw it.

But now,
seeing you standing there,

with beer goggles...

I still don't get it.

I don't get it.
I really...

If you wanna pretend

you didn't spend
your first year of law school

staring at me in Con Law,
go ahead.

I was looking
at Professor Hayes.

You were in the front row.

Which says everything
about you.

-[CELL PHONE RINGING]
-Answer your damn phone.

Is that me?

Pizza Hut.

Karp, honey.

Okay, I'll be right there.
All right, uh...

Rick and Maya Paxton
are on their way to the office.

They say it's urgent.

I'm a little too inebriated
to drive back.

On a couple of beers?

I had the other two
after the second sobriety test.

-What?
-Well, I was celebrating.

I can stop any time I want to.

I don't wanna take the risk,
okay?

You go in my place.

I'll stay here.
You'll be back in time.

-If not, I'll ask continuance.
-Right.

What could possibly go wrong
with that plan?

There you go.

Bye.

[♪♪♪]

Thanks for joining us,
Mr. Franklin.

Where's Mr. Bash?

Uh, little problem.

He was called away
on emergency.

So if we could get a brief,

uh, continuation,
that'd be great.

I'm not gonna keep this jury
waiting. You're co-counsel.

Are you prepared
for closing argument?

Absolutely.

Then you're on.

Ladies and gentlemen.

I gotta admit, uh,
I'm a little buzzed.

Why would I say that?

Let me tell you
something about...

-Danny Dubois.
-There it is.

I've known Double D
since we were in high school.

And back then,
he was the type of guy

who showered
with the cheerleaders.

One of whom was my girlfriend.

Which is relevant how?

I'll tell you how.

See, I was still pissed
when we took on this case

because I just assumed
Danny was the same dick

who snaked my girl
back in high school.

Then I thought
he was just a loser

when I found out he was sleeping
on his grandmother's couch

because he lost his job.

-Can I object?
-I'm afraid not.

But I was wrong.
Heh-heh.

That sounded like when Fonzie
says he's wrong,

and he can't say it...
Sorry.

Jeez, how could he be a loser
if he liked

taking care of his grandmother
and her friends?

And how could he be a dick

if he tried to save an
ex-teammate from a bar fight?

I wouldn't call that person
a loser or a dick.

I would call that man...

A friend.

Danny was sober when he
jumped in the golf cart,

raced through a golf course,
and across a city street.

Now, is it a bad idea,
and against the law,

to get behind the wheel
intoxicated?

Yeah.

But getting behind the wheel
sober?

Sober? No.

No.

No! It's not!

Period.

-WINTERS: Mr. Franklin?
-Yep.

-Are you done?
-Uh...

Like a fox, Your Honor.

Thanks for listening.

Thank you, Peter.

Good luck.

[♪♪♪]

[SIGHS]

-Let me in.
-No.

When I find out what the two of you did,
and trust me, I will,

I'm gonna turn your nutsack
into my coin purse.

You're saying all kinds
of threatening things,

but I'm just picturing you
naked right now.

What's going on?

What are you doing here?
Where's your organ monkey?

Jared is running late.

-Stanton.
-What's happening?

-He won't let me see my client.
-He won't let us see our client.

Oh. Well, will you let me see?

-Absolutely.
-Oh, thank you.

Oh. Oh. Mm.

After I couldn't, you know,
make it work with you,

I panicked.

I thought maybe I was bored
with marriage sex,

and I thought another woman
might do the trick.

But it didn't.

I'm trying to fix everything by myself.

No Viagra, no therapy--

Because you have to do everything solo.

Admit no weakness?

[SIGHS]

Well, I am now.

And I will tear up that prenup

if you just give me another chance.

Jump on it. It's a great deal.

This is a teaching moment for us all.

[SCOFFS]

[♪♪♪]

Teaching moment, indeed.

Look, I am aware sex has broken out

between some of the senior partners.

Now, what do you think happens
when there's jealousy

and sexual tension in the workplace?

-Loss of concentration.
-And unprofessional conduct.

-Mm.
-Yes!

Actually, I was also thinking

healthy competition, hm?

I mean, you cocks,
you strut around the place,

trying to impress the hen.

I mean, more inspired work gets done.
It's fantastic!

And Peter, why don't you
hook up with somebody here?

I mean, Derek's wife.
She's quite lovely.

-Why don't you make a run at her?
-I'll get right on that, sir.

Hm.

-I gotta get back to court.
-Good.

[♪♪♪]

[RATTLING]

-Wow.
-Whoo!

-Very impressive.
-I am impressive.

DANNY: Nad.

I don't know whether
to thank you or say I'm sorry.

You could say "Jared."

-Jared.
-Yeah. Oh!

I never showered with your girlfriend.

I showered with Sara Armstrong.

-Hey.
-Peter's girlfriend?

Hey, you did it.

-Hey.
-You're amazing.

Hey, Danny.

I am gonna drink
before every closing from now.

Like Paul Newman in The Verdict.

You all right, hermano?
Four beers in four minutes is a lot.

Four beers in four minutes,
plus a 12-inch hoagie, that's a lot.

[♪♪♪]

[JARED GRUNTS]

-Oh, God.
-CARMEN: Oh, God.

-Oh, don't go. Don't go.
-Oh, God.

Oh, I don't like it, Peter.

♪ Ooh, what a mixture ♪

♪ Such a vivid picture ♪

♪ Ooh, what a mixture ♪

♪ If I must say so myself ♪

♪ Oh, my, what a day
Comin' at me anyway ♪

♪ Everything I try to say
Just comes out backwards ♪

♪ Overthinkin'
Underreachin' ♪

♪ Someone tells a joke,
I'm blinkin' ♪

♪ Nothing's all
That's sinkin' in ♪