All language subtitles for Franklin.&.Bash.S01E03.Jennifer.of.Troy.1080p.NF.WEB-DL.DDP.5.1.H.264-CHDWEB_track3_[eng]

-You there, Tokyo?
-MAN: Yeah. Tokyo here.

-Cairo, you hear me?
-MAN 2: Cairo rules!

-Los Angeles is in the house.
-All right, let's do it.

This time don't put
the grenade launcher

-under the garage.
-Yeah, yes.

Says the soldier who kills his own.

Lie down next to the doorway.
All right, hotshots?

-Come on, let's do this.
-Let's do it, L.A.

-Come on.
-Let's do this.

-ALL: Oh!
-No, no, no! Hey!

-What happened?
-We're down.

What happened? What are you doing?
I got kicked offline.

-What were you doing?
-Were you messing with the Internet?

I was just IM'ing with a friend.

And updating my profile
and writing an Evite.

For the party in your pants?

-How dare you? I'm gonna call Gene.
-Don't call Gene, all right?

Just call the Heroes of Tech.
They're good.

Those guys are plumbers.

Our system doesn't talk to the tower.
Even I can't fix it.

Only Gene Toy can keep us on the grid.

Guys, I think I'm gonna take off.

-No, come on. Hold on.
-JARED: What?

-You got somewhere to be?
-I'm gonna head out too.

Come on, just stick around.
We'll play Beer Jenga.

Yeah, come on, you guys.
Come on. Don't.

[♪♪♪]

If you leave,
we'll be alone with each--

[♪♪♪]

[DOOR CLOSES]

Maybe it'll come back on.

[PETE'S "MIXTURE" PLAYING]

♪ Ooh, what a mixture ♪

♪ Such a vivid picture ♪

♪ Ooh, what a mixture ♪

♪ If I must say so myself ♪

I optimized bandwidth last week.
I don't understand.

Streaming porn, music
and live-action gaming,

you need the bandwidth
for the Vegas hotel.

-It's the gaming.
-It's not the gaming.

Definitely the gaming.

Gene Toy. How you been, man?

I've been doing some stuff
in Joshua Tree.

I went on a vision quest
and had sex for 12 straight hours

on a mountaintop
in Joshua Tree once.

I would've kept going,

but we were surrounded
by coyotes.

Is any of that true?

I went to Joshua Tree once.

Everything cool now?

No. I'm moving to Chicago.

What?

Whoa! You cannot move to Chicago.

-What about your own business?
-You can't abandon your dream.

-Or us.
-Sorry. It's out of my hands.

This guy accused me of stealing
meat from his market.

I didn't, but that
doesn't matter in Chinatown.

I know all about C-town.
It's all Triad and black rain.

-Black rain was in Japan.
-Yeah.

When you're accused
in Chinatown, you're shunned.

There's no future for me here.

That sucks.

I'm sorry.
I can't reprogram your grid.

It takes too many man-hours
I don't have,

and I gotta pack. I'm sorry.

-All right.
-We understand, man. Just--

Wow! Sorry.

Sorry you can't do what we--

[♪♪♪]

I wanna play games.

Good morning, everyone.
Two new cases today.

A former assistant at Stirred
is coming in,

claiming that she was fired
for being, get this,

-too attractive.
-Stirred? What--?

It's a luxury and lifestyle magazine.

It's for men, so you haven't heard of it.

Really? You wanna go there,
Mr. Mani-And-Pedis- On-Saturdays?

STANTON: Um, and second,

the wife of one
of our biggest clients

has been cited for public urination

-outside of a Red Lobster.
-Oh, there you go.

That's got Franklin and Bash all over it.

-We'll take the Stirred case.
-DAMIEN: Okay. Okay, sure.

I've seen the plaintiff.
It's a solid case.

But I don't know
that you two newbies--

-Did he call us noobs?
-Yeah.

That you two newbies
have the bag to go up against

the magazine's founder,
Big Mack.

Actually, it's his daughter
Katherine

that's running it now.
Very sexy.

I'd like to see her
in the swimsuit issue.

We'll take the case,
and we'll win it.

-Ah! Good.
-There is no way.

-I guarantee it.
-Wanna put some money on it?

-Ooh!
-Yeah.

I've seen you eyeballing
our ginormous office.

-It's almost too big for us.
-Just the two of us.

My contract stipulates
I get the second largest office,

so, technically,
that office is already mine.

And yet, I bring in twice
the business you do.

Our double-wide office
for that sweet guitar in yours.

Not the Gretsch White Falcon
I got you from Jack White?

No, no, no, you're crazy. Don't.

[IN BABY VOICE] You wanna give up
the present from your uncle?

I'm sorry, what were you saying
about bag?

[♪♪♪]

-Deal.
-All right.

-Did you get that? All right.
-[LAUGHS]

We need somebody
to replace Gene Toy.

We shouldn't have had Pindar
cobble together that grid.

Could lose our right
to host Killzone marathons.

It's like losing the Olympics.

I say we go to Chinatown,
have lunch,

check the scene of the crime,
see if we can help Gene out.

-RECEPTIONIST: That's them.
-Excuse me.

Um, I'm here to meet
my attorneys.

-Ah, it's...
-Red Lobster.

Oh, Allure by Chanel.

I'm Jennifer Putnam
from Stirred.

You're claiming
Stirred magazine fired you

because you were too hot?

Wow, that's not my word exactly,

but, well, thank you. Yes.

[♪♪♪]

Would you excuse us?

-Karp. Hey!
-No. Hey, yo!

-What are you doing?
-We need to talk.

JARED:
Hey, stop walking.

You knew she wasn't pretty.

Depending on the time.
She's last-call pretty.

-Yeah, in Alaska.
-The bet is off.

You made a verbal commitment
to win the case, so suck it.

Uh, you have awoken the bear,
my friend!

WOMAN:
It depends on the past work.

-[SIGHS]
-Ladies.

-Hi.
-Hi.

As assistant to the publisher,

what were your responsibilities?

To answer Katherine's phone,
keep her schedule,

and help plan events,

like this weekend's
mega-fundraiser.

Did she ever say to you

you were "too beautiful"
to work there?

No, she didn't have to.

The amount of attention I received

from the men in the office
was overwhelming.

I'm sure.

But we're gonna need specifics.

Oh, well,
they swarmed around my desk,

held doors for me,
followed me off the elevator.

Is that specific enough?

Oh. You're really
staring at me.

It's hard not to.

-Have you ever modeled?
-And gotten paid for it?

If you walk through this world
knowing you're beautiful,

other people
will know it too.

Okay, so, I'll write no.

If you want, sure.

Ah, what do the other women
in the office look like?

They're what I'd call
traditionally attractive.

I'm sort of an exotic bird
at Stirred.

Got it. We'll take a ride
to the office later,

and see if there's any shot
at a settlement.

Oh, I don't wanna settle.

Sorry? Hmm?

I want my day in court.

This isn't just about my job.
This is big.

I'm the Norma Rae
of beautiful women.

-Okay, well, that'll do it.
-Yeah.

We need to confer to see

if we're gonna decide
to take your case.

This is gonna be great.

Who knows? We could be in this
to the Supreme Court.

[CHUCKLES]

-This...
-JENNIFER: There's a chance.

-Sure.
-There is.

I can't tell
if Jennifer's delusional

or has the most inflated
self-esteem ever.

I thought
they were the same.

"Your strength and endurance
are legendary with oral sex."

-I do the punch lines.
-No, it says that.

-You should eat there more often.
-I know.

[PEOPLE CHATTERING]

-Excuse me.
-Sorry.

What's up? Thank you.

[CHOPPING]

[JARED LAUGHS]

Behind you!

We're, uh-- Ho-ho-ho.

You all right?
We're looking for Mr. Han.

Dad, there's some guys here
to see you.

Hey.

PETER:
He stole a rabbit?

-May I help you?
-We represent Gene Toy,

and take that down
because he hasn't been charged

and it's defamatory.

It's my store.
I do things my way.

Okay, sir, what exactly
are you accusing him of?

Stuffing a frozen rabbit
down his pants.

Who hasn't accidentally
done that?

[LAUGHS]

I'm sure he had every intention
of paying for the rabbit.

He had no receipt.

Gene Toy steals from my store,
he steals from my family.

[♪♪♪]

Know what I'm thinking?

Force Han
to take down these signs?

-Absolutely.
-Sorry.

But right now?

-Palate cleanser.
-Yeah.

Okay.

[♪♪♪]

-Oh!
-Here you go, gentlemen.

-Thank you.
-Thank you.

We weren't gonna get
any work done.

[BOTH LAUGH]

Mmm. Mmm.

Mmm-hmm.

Mr. Franklin, Mr. Bash.

Her claim is unusual,

considering
the other women who work here.

So I'd like to make this quick
and easy for everyone.

-We're all ears.
-Jennifer drops the lawsuit,

and we provide her a glowing
recommendation letter.

No mention
she was terminated.

Wow!
So your settlement offer

is a promise
not to be mean to her.

Jennifer Putnam wasn't good
at her job.

That's why she was fired.

Our client
disagrees with you.

She's never been fired
before

and got glowing reviews
from her past supervisors

here at Stirred.

I was her
most recent supervisor.

These are performance memos
from August on.

I know we can come
to a quick resolution.

Hey! How's it going over here?

Dad, I got this.

Can we meet Big Mack?
Can we just say hi?

Shake the hand of the man--
You're just gonna walk away?

It's nothing.
Don't worry.

Big Mack. Big Mack!

-Don't do that.
-No?

Next time in the end zone,
act like you've been there.

I never have,
not like this.

Holy sh--
Give me a minute.

[♪♪♪]

Uh, not many women feel comfortable

holding eye contact
for more than three seconds.

A less worldly man
might consider that predatory.

Your accent is wonderful.

-I bet I can tell where you're from.
-Ah, impossible, darling.

Any hometown inflection
has been watered down

by 30 hard years in Santa Monica.

[CHUCKLES] I hear Dartmoor

and University of Liverpool.

[♪♪♪]

Do I know you?

[CHUCKLES]

Oh!

What a lovely young woman.

[♪♪♪]

None of these memos are true.

Katherine had it in for me

because I turned down surgery.

Oh, the Stirred benefits package

includes plastic surgery.

Katherine says everyone has room
for improvement.

And you don't agree with that?

No. I'm fortunate.

This package has gotten me
very far in life.

I just remembered we're supposed
to call another client.

Jennifer, could you give us
a moment, please?

Oh, I get it, lawyer-client privilege.

-That is so cool.
-[ALL CHUCKLING]

-[CHUCKLES]
-Thank you.

-We gotta get out of this.
-How?

It's just always hard to dump a girl.

But the quicker you do it,
the less painful.

-The quicker I do it?
-You need more practice.

No. Infeld will be pissed,
Karp will get our office,

and you and I will be defending women
who pee outside Red Lobster.

-Come in.
-Is this a joke?

Infeld's going around
calling her captivating.

She wasn't fired
for being beautiful.

She was fired
for not being pretty enough.

She was discriminated against,

but not for the reason
she thinks.

That's a case we can win.

Good luck telling
Little Miss Sunshine.

Oh, good Lord.
Grow a pair.

Hit her with the facts
and rip off the scab.

[♪♪♪]

-I have a pair.
-[PHONE RINGS]

Great. We get to tell a woman
who feels beautiful

that the rest of the world
doesn't even notice her--

Peeing outside of Red Lobster,
nowhere near school zone.

-We fight this.
-Right.

Hi, I'm Jenn.
You know what?

I was gonna get
that same dress,

but the fabric
was a little itchy.

-We would have been twins.
-[CHUCKLES]

I hope someone's
complimented you,

because you look
so absolutely fabulous.

Thank you. Uh, Hanna.

Nice meeting you.

Jennifer,
we know that a jury--

Well, I should say,

we've tried
a lot of cases,

and we think--

JARED:
As we move forward,

you should--
We should, um...

Peter?

JENNIFER:
Guys.

-Heads in the game, okay?
-PETER: Okay.

We're gonna take your case

because we agree
that you were fired...

For being too beautiful
and we're gonna prove it.

We're gonna win.

"We're gonna win" on three.

PETER:
Okay. Come on.

We're gonna win.

-In one, two.
-One, two...

-We're gonna win.
-Yeah.

We're gonna win.

-Yeah. I know.
-Yeah, certainly.

Stirred sees it as
a termination case.

Jennifer disputes
the performance memos.

And she has a history
at this job

and others of being competent
and responsible.

Her face isn't even symmetrical,
people.

Beauty is based on symmetry.

My face?
Perfectly symmetrical.

Had it professionally
analyzed.

You can't talk
for the rest of the day.

What am I to do?
We're still offline.

That's all you've got?

Insulting our client
or firing up porn?

Not a big reader.

Stirred sells
the cool bachelor's life.

What if we sell back?

Like The Emperor
Has No Clothes.

Yeah. We make them
define beauty.

Gene Toy.

-JARED: Gene Toy!
-Gene.

-Feeling injunctively relieved?
-No.

Get your asses down here.
I wanna show you something. Now!

[♪♪♪]

He just yelled at me.

[♪♪♪]

-Whoa!
-What is this?

Am I really that short?

Just the angle.

What does it say
under our picture?

"Unclean rabbit-thief lawyers."

I take issue with "unclean."

My landlord evicted me.

My investment club
kicked me out.

-I'm ruined here.
-Gene, we can fix all this.

No. Can't you see
you've done enough harm?

Just leave me alone.

-Gene, you can sue.
-No Western courts.

Don't you get it?
This is why I'm in this mess.

How do you get justice
around here?

My only hope of repairing
the Toy family name

and staying in Chinatown

is a hearing with the Council.
They have all the power.

There's a Chinatown Council?
This keeps getting better.

-We wanna make it up to you.
-Yeah, you can.

Stay away from Chinatown.

-Gene. Don't--
-Damn, man.

Are you gonna fix our grid?

[♪♪♪]

Last night, I shared
an expensive meal with the mayor.

The nest of the swift bird

is built entirely
out of her hardened saliva.

Any idea where bird's nest soup
originated from 400 years ago?

-That's well before my time.
-Yeah. I don't know.

Hmm.

-Uh--
-Uh-- Okay. This, we can--

Someone had dinner
in Chinatown.

A grocery-store owner accused
our friend of shoplifting

-and we tried to help.
-Good job on that.

Your insensitivity
to the customs

has made
the Infeld-Daniels name unclean.

Sorry about that.

We got injunctive relief
for our friend

so the owner would have to
take down a display.

Injunctive relief? No wonder.

Why not just smear pig feces
all over his face

in the middle
of Chung King Road?

That was plan B.

-We were gonna start--
-We've dropped the case,

and we're gonna get
every last flyer taken down.

-Every one.
-Good.

That's not gonna exonerate
your friend.

No, he's trying to get some date
with the Chinatown Council.

The apocryphal
Council of Elders.

It does exist.

I first heard about this

during a game of Pai Gow
in Rangoon in '67.

Now, your friend must get
a hearing with this Council.

Well, we promised him
we'd back off.

Very wise.

You're unschooled
in Chinese judicial culture.

No, Damien and I
are taking over the case.

We're going to Chinatown.

-We?
-I don't parallel park.

[♪♪♪]

[♪♪♪]

And we'll prove it
because Jennifer Putnam

is 50-car-pileup beautiful.

Let me guess.

Miss Sproik has
a sneer on her face.

Like the only beautiful women
are in the pages of Stirred.

But how can that be?

You, ma'am. Your husband thinks
you're beautiful, right?

And yet, I don't recognize you
from any magazines.

That doesn't mean you're not
beautiful, because you are.

We'll prove that Jennifer
was a great assistant.

And it goes without saying,
she is a stunner.

Now, her looks may have been
disruptive at Stirred,

but it wasn't her fault.

She didn't deserve to be fired
for how she looked.

That is discrimination.

[♪♪♪]

This is more fun
than I thought.

[♪♪♪]

[LAUGHS]
That's great.

I take it back. This was
worth the trip.

-Mr. Han?
-Yes?

How do you do?
Damien Karp, Infeld-Daniels.

This is Stanton Infeld,
founding partner.

How do you do?

How many of you are there?

The goat meat is tough again.

-Can I send it back?
-Not now, Tonia.

Uh, yes.

You know, it's both unusual
and refreshing

to see a female butcher.

-She's my daughter.
-Oh, I gathered.

She rolled her eyes
when she went away.

Sir, Gene Toy's
original attorneys

are new to the firm,
they're young,

but they still have
more than 37 ad leases

on bus benches
across the city.

No telling
what they might put on them.

They could destroy
your business.

You come here
to blackmail me?

Uh, Mr. Han.

[IN CHINESE]

-[SPEAKS CHINESE]
-[CHUCKLES]

You got the meeting?

Mmm.
Oh, look. Yeah.

Sheep's brain on sale. Hmm.

[♪♪♪]

Hmm.

[DOORBELL RINGS]

Uh, you get to sleep
with Zoe Saldana.

-I like it.
-Your mom has to watch.

-[DOORBELL RINGS]
-Um, I'll get it.

How far away is Mom? Is she
wearing her glasses?

A foot away and up-to-date
prescription specs.

Can it be your mom?

Because I could
get into that.

-JARED: Hanna.
-Hanna?

Welcome back to the island
of broken toys.

Nice job in court today,
Peter.

-I helped.
-I could too.

-JARED: How?
-Why?

Because I'm starting
to like your client.

Karp thinks he's entitled
to your office

even though my billables
are higher.

So, what's your strategy?

We're going for the hard sell
that our client's a babe,

hoping that'll force the defense
to be mean to a sweet girl.

Interesting.
But beauty is about impact.

[♪♪♪]

Beauty is the Helen of Troy

launching a thousand ships into battle.

[♪♪♪]

Beauty...

is the catalyst

for making creatures wanna mate.

[♪♪♪]

Beauty can make people
do irrational things.

I'm gonna go masturbate.

PETER: Just to be clear,

that was the greatest
legal lecture we ever heard.

But, um, now what?

It's not enough to tell jurors
that your client is a babe.

You have to show them that beauty

drives people to do irrational things.

Show that Jennifer's beauty
drove the men at Stirred

to act inappropriately.

And convinced Katherine
to remove Jennifer from the equation.

Love it. Love this.

[♪♪♪]

SPROIK: Miss Putnam, these are photographs
of female employees

who worked with you at Stirred.

Do you think these women are attractive?

They put a lot of effort
into their appearance,

which is admirable.

SPROIK: It is. Do you think
you are more beautiful?

Oh, that's not a fair question.

Well, under normal circumstances,
I'd agree.

But we are here today because
you claimed you were dismissed

from your job for being too beautiful.

So that would imply
that you are more beautiful

than these women.

I don't say it to be conceited,

but since I'm under oath, yes,

I do think I'm more beautiful
than them.

But not by much.

SPROIK:
Thank you, Miss Putnam.

No more questions,
Your Honor.

-Permission to redirect?
-Really?

The female jurors identify
with Jennifer.

They want a shot with guys
like you.

They wanna be
your Helen of Troy.

-Want the redirect?
-Not really.

Why did Infeld hire you?

[♪♪♪]

React to Jennifer's beauty.

[SIGHS]

We're almost done here.

You have been
a great witness.

-You've been a good lawyer too.
-Thank you.

Yes, I'm your attorney,
so you should be safe.

I can't say the same when you're
under cross by Miss Sproik.

-She's just doing her job.
-Yes, she is.

Just like you were just
doing yours at Stirred.

-Right?
-Yeah.

Good. Good.

PETER:
So, Jennifer,

can you tell the court,

how you would answer
the phone at Stirred?

Uh, what I'd say
or how I'd say it?

Either. Both.

Here,
pretend this is your phone.

Oh, okay.

Katherine Mack's office.
May I help you?

Let me just make sure
my phone is turned off.

-That'd be embarrassing, huh?
-It would. It was off.

But if someone had called,
would you have played along?

You take a lot of pride
in the party

that you planned
for the magazine, don't you?

I do.
It's a fundraiser downtown.

I got a lunch station
where top chefs

like Wolfgang Puck make--

-Uh, let me guess. Lunch.
-Yes.

Most important meal
of the day.

God, I'm, I'm so hungry.

[♪♪♪]

Are you hungry?

You have to say yes
or no

so the court reporter
can get it.

-Okay.
-Uh-uh-uh.

Yes or no.

Yes.

[CROWD MURMURING]

Ugh! Objection!

Counsel is making out
with his client. Your Honor--

Stop kissing your client.
Bailiff. Mr. Bash,

I should have you charged
with contempt.

It's okay.
I don't wanna press charges.

Your Honor, I'm so sorry.
Mr. Bash was overcome

by Miss Putnam's beauty.
It won't happen again.

[♪♪♪]

[WHISTLES]

[♪♪♪]

-That was a desperate attempt.
-Thanks.

Twenty-five thousand
to stop this.

My father's a generous man.

He's also worth
over 300 million.

Fifty-five thousand,
the recommendation letter,

and a confidentiality clause
with penalty.

-Fine.
-No way.

You know where to contact me.

Yes, I do.

This is good money
and we haven't proven anything.

-Where's Jenn? Have you seen Jenn?
-She's back at the office.

Hey. Hey, hey, hey.
You okay?

The jury sees Jennifer
differently, and so do I.

We're not settling.
Gather the troops.

PINDAR:
I have a strategy.

Stock the courtroom
with unattractive women.

It's through there.

Give Jennifer
a comparative edge.

How can somebody so symmetrical
be so annoying at the same time?

I believe they're unrelated.

Okay, when it was just us,

$55,000 would have been
a gold rush.

Why would Katherine
offer a recommendation letter

and then up the offer
with $55,000?

We're stuck
at the "she said, they said."

There are a lot more of them
and they're coming off more--

Sane? Yeah.

I've been going over
these depo transcripts.

Everybody is toeing
the line.

You would too
if you had Katherine behind you.

-She's scary.
-Yeah.

It's like a culture
of secrecy.

If Jennifer was bad at her job,
why offer a settlement?

Remember when we saw Big Mack
in the office?

She did everything to make sure
we had no contact with him.

Wait a second. She was hiding
Big Mack from you?

Yeah, maybe.

-Why?
-I don't know.

There is that fundraiser

Jennifer was planning
with Katherine.

-Maybe Big Mack will be there.
-And so will we.

[♪♪♪]

-Can you get down further?
-Uh, no, I can't.

Is your forehead
touching the floor?

If you can't tell,
how will they?

Oh, they know everything.

You have to feel comfortable
with the respectful kowtow

that the Council expects.

Karp, I hope you got
that raise.

Oh, I'm just fluffing.
You're next.

We need you to sign off
on an expense for the Stirred case.

It's for a table at a fundraiser
Stirred is co-sponsoring.

It's a fantastic cause

and we wanna ask
Big Mack some questions for trial.

What is the fantastic cause?

-It's save the rain--
-Heal babies--

Rain--
Save the rain babies.

All right. It's a fundraiser.
It's tax-deductible.

Have a good time.

[♪♪♪]

JARED:
See, this feels like home.

Thank you.

See, I like to think
that they're always here

throwing that ball
back and forth,

back and forth.

-Ah, buzzkill.
-Where?

Katherine Mack.

Peter, um,

I don't want this
to be awkward,

but you know what happened
in court yesterday,

that wasn't real.

You'll know when it's real.

[♪♪♪]

Jennifer Putnam is suing us.
She can't be here.

We wrote a check for $5000
for a public fundraiser.

We're not here
to cause trouble.

Recycle, reuse
and the other one.

I don't care about you.

It's her I want out.

She helped plan
this shindig.

She's not under house arrest.

I don't want security
to throw her out.

[CHUCKLES]

We do.

Keep an eye on this group.

[WATER SPLASHES]

-Whoo!
-Yeah.

Come on, that's good.

Yeah. No, no, no.

Yeah, up. Yeah, up.

You seeing what I'm seeing?

PETER:
Our client in a Burqini?

-No.
-Hey, yeah. Big Mack.

PETER: Doesn't look uncomfortable
to be around her.

Peter, there's someone
I want you to meet.

This is Evan. He was
Big Mack's assistant for two years.

Oh, great.
So you worked with Jennifer?

I miss her.
She was one of a kind.

-Was she good at her job?
-Yeah.

Big Mack wanted to replace me
with Jennifer when I left.

Really, now?

BIG MACK:
Love it! Here's your fun!

Wasn't it?

[TALKING INDISTINCTLY]

[HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYING]

PETE:
Big Mack? I hate to bother you,

but I had to meet
the legend.

Legend makes me feel old.

Oh, well, I...

I consider myself
a self-made man,

so what you've got
going on is inspiring.

-Life has no dress rehearsal.
-Copy that.

-Can I ask you something?
-Can't promise I'll answer.

Is it true what they say?
Any woman, anywhere, anytime?

No, no. Not any woman,
not anytime.

But most, most of the time.

Yeah. Oh, my God.

That is beyond the scope
of my imagination.

So, like, even her?

-Yep, 1979.
-Look at you.

Pretty sure, yeah.

-What about Jennifer?
-Who's that?

Jennifer Putnam.
The girl doing the cannonball.

JENNIFER:
Whoo!

-You mean Peppermint Patty?
-Peppermint--

She had a bowl of them
on her desk.

-Was she your assistant?
-No. I wanted her to be.

-What happened?
-Oh, I'm a big-picture guy.

I don't know what happened.

Katherine said
she wasn't good, so...

-Oh.
-Yeah.

You ready for the three-legged race?

You got it. Come on. Let's go.

-Nice meeting you.
-You too.

[WATER SPLASHES]

-You just talked to Big Mack.
-Uh-huh.

You will too. We're gonna
put him on the stand.

Big Mack doesn't know as much
about women as he thinks.

I don't know anything about women.

That is true.

[♪♪♪]

STANTON: Ah. Mr. Toy.

I do apologize. I'm sorry
to keep you waiting.

-No problem.
-Please sit down.

Good.
[CLEARS THROAT]

Now, Mr. Toy, look.

I intend to clear my firm's name.

And to tell you the truth,
I'm fascinated by the Council.

And, obviously, I'm concerned for you.

-Obviously?
-Mmm-hmm.

Uh, so, what did you wanna talk about?

The frozen rabbit in your pants.

It wasn't in my pants.
It was in my waistband.

I've got a python.

Oh, impressive. Congratulations.

No, it's a pet. It's a snake.

You know, we have more in common
than you may think.

I had one named Suzy.

Oh, she was aloof, but I adored her,

until she escaped.

But anyway, that's another story, huh?

Uh...

Well, I feed my python
one thawed rabbit a week.

-Uh-huh.
-Right? And I was a day late.

Oh, and I know first-hand,

you can't defrost those cottontails
in the microwave

without the meat getting stringy.

-Exactly. Right.
-Right?

I was jump-starting
the thawing process

while I shopped.
I was gonna pay for it, I swear.

And the pet store across the street,

they're selling frozen rabbit
at half the price.

Um, we know, don't we,
that pythons will eat anything, Gene?

So I suspect there was another draw

to Han's market
that you're not telling me about.

[♪♪♪]

Let's go. Okay.

-Mr. Mack.
-You kissed your client on the stand.

Sit down, Mr. Bash.

There's only a slight
chance of him kissing Mr. Mack.

I'll do it.

Mr. Mack,

is it true you wanted Jennifer
to be your assistant

after Evan resigned?

-I made a remark about it.
-What happened?

Ultimately,
I decided against it.

Why?

Because
my daughter Katherine

said Jennifer wasn't competent.

How would you describe
your relationship with Jennifer?

-Were you close?
-Not really, but--

-But you got along well.
-True. She's a good kid.

She's a 27-year-old woman.

Uh-oh. Did I say
something wrong?

I mean, I didn't
call her girl or honey.

I said kid
like I call my daughter.

HANNA:
So she's like a daughter to you?

-Those are your words.
-They're yours.

You compared her
to your daughter.

I can have
the court reporter read back.

MACK:
No, no. It's fine.

So, by my account,
the only two women at Stirred

who you haven't had
sexual relations with

are Katherine Mack,
your daughter,

and Jennifer Putnam.
Is that true?

Objection.
Relevance, Your Honor.

Some leeway.

Overruled. You may continue.

Not the only ones.

There are a handful
in Payroll.

Of course there are.
No further questions.

Party planning
is a lot of pressure.

-Am I right?
-I suppose.

Uh, take your dad,
for example.

Could you tell the court
his requirements

-at Stirred events?
-I don't know. Uh...

Grass-fed Argentine beef
and sustainable caviar?

And the vaporizers.
What kind?

-Musk-scented misters.
-Right, right.

And he also likes trampolines
and three-legged races?

-Yes and yes.
-At Saturday's fundraiser,

did your father ask you to run
the three-legged race?

I was in heels. I couldn't.

Over 35 years,
how many outdoor functions

would you say you've attended
with your father?

-I don't know.
-Ballpark.

Uh, we have two
or three a year, so 75.

Seventy-five?

And has he ever asked you
to run the three-legged race

even when you weren't in heels?

I always wear heels.

Who did he ask to run the race
with him on Saturday?

Her.

The plaintiff,
Jennifer Putnam?

Yes.

[♪♪♪]

No more questions,
Your Honor.

Hmm.

[♪♪♪]

[INHALES]

Oh! Uh, uh, sorry.

I think I have the wrong room.

Oh, Gene. Uh...

-This isn't a Jackie Chan movie.
-Uh, gentlemen.

I'm humbled and grateful
for this audience

in front
of the Council of Elders

on behalf of my good friend
Gene Toy.

Council of Elders?

-We're a merchants' association.
-Yes, quite.

[CLEARS THROAT]

I'd like to call a witness.

Witness?

-No. Council, please.
-Tonia?

GENE: I'll take my punishment
and leave.

I believe Tonia has something to say.
Now, let her speak.

Are you sure?

[CHUCKLES]

Dad, Gene may not be a doctor.

He may not speak
perfect Mandarin.

He might not have a deep voice
or a strong handshake.

He certainly might not set
the world on fire.

But, Dad,
he sets my world on fire.

And...

I love him.

[♪♪♪]

Gene, a left-handed compliment
from the woman of your dreams

is like a shiv
between the third and fourth rib

that just misses your heart.

Tonia, we'll talk about this
at home.

You can't tell me who to date
or who to marry, Dad.

Marry?

I don't want you thinking
about marriage

until after
you graduate college.

I have ambitions for you.

And I know that, Dad.
Just because I love Gene

doesn't mean
I'm gonna forget all that.

If I may. Mr. Han, it seems
that we've locked horns

over a youthful fling.

Gene Toy came to your market,

even though
your frozen rabbit is,

by the way,
not competitively priced.

He respected your edict
not to date Tonia.

He just wanted the opportunity
to see her,

to watch her skin a goat

or to hear her laugh.

Gentlemen,
please allow Gene Toy

to continue to live his dream
here in Chinatown.

[♪♪♪]

Not only did Big Mack

ignore his biological
daughter, Katherine,

but almost as hurtful,
he took a shine to Jennifer.

As we've proven,

our client's beauty
was a liability.

She stole the spotlight
from Katherine,

and she became like another
daughter to Big Mack.

In the end,
ladies and gentlemen,

our client was, indeed, fired
for being too beautiful.

[♪♪♪]

You can take shots at me
all you want,

but when you start attacking
my daughter,

I have to intervene.

I raised her.

Sort of.

This is my fault.
I want it settled now.

Our client
doesn't want a settlement.

-She wants a jury verdict.
-I don't.

Jennifer, what do you want?

I want my job back.

You got it.

You'll be my assistant.
How about that?

-And one more thing.
-Yes?

I want the company's
plastic-surgery fund

to be sent to Operation Smile.

That way, children with cleft palates
can find success and acceptance,

just like Joaquin Phoenix.

Done.

Hey, I'm a big fan--

-What'd I tell you?
-I know.

-Okay.
-End zone.

[♪♪♪]

[PEOPLE CHATTERING]

All right, you're all set. You're online.

Yeah, Gene.

[ALL CHEERING]

-PETER: Gene! Thank you.
-Thank you, huh?

If you hadn't screwed everything up,
I would've given up and lost Tonia.

Ah, you're welcome.

Oh, and your boss should start
his own religion.

He is amazing.

I'm glad you've been returned
to full Chinatown status.

-Need a refill?
-Yes.

-Fill her up?
-Yeah.

Are you guys squatters
or do you actually live here?

-Wow! Look who it is.
-Oh.

Not only do we live here,
we thrive here, brother.

-What you got there?
-Sorry you have to give it up.

Well, it's not the guitar,
it's the guitarist.

And that guitar is for that guitarist.

-Double or nothing?
-You're hysterical.

That's adorable.

You look like a man
who could use a beverage.

Ever heard of Beer Jenga?

-Is it an import?
-Oh, God.

-Kiss it. Just kiss it.
-Kiss it?

-You're a naughty minx.
-Cannonball! Whoo!

She knows that's a hot tub, right?

Come on, guys. Let's do this. Let's go.

-Come on.
-Sweet.

CARMEN: Am I gonna have
to carry you again?

-PINDAR: I get the sniper rifle.
-Where's my grenade launcher?

♪ Ooh, what a mixture ♪

♪ Such a vivid picture ♪

♪ Ooh, what a mixture ♪

♪ If I must say so myself ♪

♪ Oh, my, what a day
Comin' at me anyway ♪

♪ Everything I try to say
Just comes out backwards ♪

♪ Overthinkin' underreachin' ♪

♪ Someone tells a joke
I'm blinkin' ♪

♪ Nothing's all
That's sinkin' in ♪