Original subtitles

I want you in my bed.

So, what are you waiting for?

Come see me at Mattress Masters for a great night's sleep.

That's 1-2-4-5, Firestone Boulevard, El Monte.

I'll be waiting.

MAN 1: You and Marisa Tomei. It's not that complicated.

MAN 2: The question's fundamentally flawed.

There are too many variables.

-MAN 1: You're avoiding it. -MAN 2: I'm not.

MAN 1: It's a simple--

MAN 2: You weren't clear on the stakes.

MAN 1: It's a simple question. Answer it, we'll move on.

What are the odds of you sleeping with Marisa Tomei?

Well, do I get to meet her? If I did, it'd be like 4-to-1.

-4-to-1? -4-to-1.

You're out of your mind.

I just saw her at Home Depot. She looks beautiful.

10 million-to-1.

Your numbers are inflated. I'd like to see your data.

-How old is she? -She'll be 46 on December 4th.

Okay, so-- Wow.

Putting aside the fact that you know her birthday,

creepy stalker guy,

in 20 years, she'll be 66.

So the odds plummet.

But in 40 years, the odds are 1000-to-1.

She'd be like 86, with dementia, maybe cataracts.

But she's still Marisa Tomei.

What I'm saying is, for guys like you and me,

it is all about--

[TIRES SCREECH, CAR CRASHES]

-...patience. -[CAR HORNS HONKING]

Whoa, whoa, whoa. Wait.

♪ That's okay ♪

-Got it? -Yep.

-You all right, sir? -Yeah, I think so.

Sir, we're lawyers, and you're the victim

of one of the greatest dangers that faces our city.

We'd like to help you collect.

But I think it was my fault.

That doesn't matter. Studies show that it is--

It is impossible to operate a vehicle

if you're forced to take your eyes off the road--

For more than six seconds. That advertisement runs for 18.

Come by the office. We'll talk.

Hello? He hit me.

MAN [ON TV]: Legally, we can't guarantee any results.

You'll be fine.

The Law Offices of Franklin & Bash.

BOTH: We've got your back.

ANNOUNCER: Once again, that's the law offices of Franklin & Bash.

[♪♪♪]

What is the Alameda discovery motion

doing in the refrigerator?

-It's got hummus on it. -Oh, there's hummus left.

Oh.

It's 10:13 a.m. I say we start without him.

JARED: Sorry. I'm sorry.

Jean-Claude Van Damme marathon last night. Unavoidable.

You know, Bloodsport, not in AFI's top 100 films.

-It's insane. -It's political. Unh.

-Let's go around. Ooh. -I'll start. Oh!

Pindar and I haven't gotten paid in three weeks.

JARED: All right, not to worry.

We're going to jury on the billboard case tomorrow,

and we will win.

If we don't, I'll sell my ass on Sunset.

That'll be like printing money.

I'll sell my ass too, Jared.

Thanks, buddy.

Excuse me. I've got the ball?

Sorry.

Make sure we have our ducks in a row.

It is one duck, and the witness is subpoenaed.

Ready to go.

Any law to support our theory?

I checked federal and state.

We don't have a legal leg to stand on.

The law was made by rich white people.

Our job is not to follow the law.

Our job is to make the law.

What's going on with Annie Benton's prostitution case?

I got a motion to dismiss Friday. They've got no case.

Anyone wanna guess which deputy DA is against us?

[♪♪♪]

Janie and I have totally moved on. Not a problem.

Oh.

Bullshit.

[♪♪♪]

I feel like Ali walking in the Garden

in his first fight against Frazier.

That's good, that's the idea. It's the mindset,

except, you know, Ali lost. Do you like this tie?

I am ready. I am in the zone.

-Game time. -Pow.

WOMAN: Peter.

Oh. Iceberg.

-Move on. -I got your motion to dismiss.

-It's a little thin. -There was no sex involved.

Annie's not a hooker. She's a dominatrix.

Huge difference.

Really like the up-do.

-What? -Uh-- No, you just--

You still dating that Civil War re-enactor?

-What? -The guy with the soul patch?

You had a soul patch.

Oh, great. So he stole my look.

[CHUCKLES SOFTLY] Peter.

I miss you.

There. You know, I said it.

Janie, I'm not the same guy. I've evolved.

Hey, scrotum face. Come on.

See you in court, scrotum face.

Hi, Janie. I'm fine.

Nice ass. So's the stick in it.

Bash, come on, head in the game.

Don't worry about me. Worry about that tie.

-What's wrong with my tie? -Good luck, gentlemen.

Trying a case against you has been--

Ah, anyway, good luck.

See, that's a talent. Sounding like a total asshole

even when you're supposedly saying something sincere.

Nice tie. Are those turtles?

What's wrong with turtles?

Oh, by all means, go first. Couple of fancy trial attorneys.

Oh, thanks, compadre.

Not sure about wearing sweats into court, but God bless.

Oh, God bless you.

JARED: Miss Spencer, can you tell us what brought you to Los Angeles?

I moved here from Chula Vista last year to be a model.

JARED: And how exactly did you book the Mattress Masters ad?

My agent--

Objection, Your Honor. She's disrobing?

My agent called and said

that the client wanted a model who could demand attention.

Your Honor. Your Honor?

Miss Spencer, please refrain from taking off your blouse.

Thank you.

[WHISPERS]: Don't listen to him.

EMERSON: Excuse me. Counsel, did you just tell the witness

-to disregard my order? -No.

MAN: Nice!

You're in contempt, Mr.Franklin.

Bailiff, remand him to custody.

Your Honor, justice is blind, but justice is also naked.

Miss Spencer, please step down. Fully dressed.

-It's all yours. Well-played. -Thank you.

-JARED: Don't tase me, bro. -EMERSON: Order.

[GAVEL BANGING]

I apologize for my colleague. He gets carried away sometimes.

Apparently, so does Miss Spencer.

But let's focus on what she had to say.

When we asked her what the ad agency was looking for,

she said...

I've drawn a complete blank. I'm-- I'm sorry.

Uh, could the court reporter please read back

Miss Spencer's answer to the question?

I didn't get it.

I was distracted.

Distracted!

Your Honor, do you think we can we get Miss Spencer

-back in here--? -Absolutely not.

Mr. Karp?

Do you remember?

Well, it seems everyone was distracted.

And if we were all distracted by Miss Spencer in court,

what about the people

operating heavy machinery on Sunset Boulevard?

[♪♪♪]

-What you got? -Oh!

ANNOUNCER [ON TV]: Strike.

-How was lock-up? -Productive.

Signed two DUIs and a weenie wagger.

[MEN LAUGH]

You got nothing.

Okay, guys? Hello?

That was Infeld Daniels about the billboard case.

They wanna settle. They wanna settle.

[ALL CHEER]

Oh, yeah! Oh, yeah! Yes! Whoo!

[♪♪♪]

WOMAN: I don't care if he was calling to wish me a happy birthday.

He pulled me out of the Chamberlin depo.

Bill him for the call.

That's a bitchy little barracuda.

I'm getting movement in the lumberyard.

Mr. Franklin and Mr. Bash to see Mr. Infeld.

We're meeting with Stanton Infeld?

He took on Exxon over the Santa Barbara oil rig.

I mean, Stanton Infeld is...

That guy.

WOMAN: Mr. Franklin and Mr. Bash.

Ah, I'm glad you could make it.

Please, gentlemen, come in. Sit down.

Well, that was very impressive yesterday.

Of course, your witness wouldn't have come close

to getting her blouse off

if you hadn't pulled Judge Emerson.

You know the old saying, if the facts are against you,

argue the law. If the law is against you...

Have a hot chick with enormous breasts

take off her clothes in court.

Yeah. Well, um, yes.

Look, um...

I have advised my clients to settle.

Well, that's nice,

but we'll take our chances with the jury,

the next time.

Good doing business with you.

Oh, oh, ooh. We haven't started yet.

I want you both to come here

and work for me at Infeld Daniels.

As attorneys?

Yes, of course.

I've had my eye on both of you for quite some time.

Peter Bash, no one plays a jury better than you.

The way you look past their eyes into their souls.

Jared Franklin,

son of the legendary trial lawyer Leonard Franklin.

You're F. Lee Bailey meets Barnum & Bailey.

Are you familiar with yin and yang?

The tramp-stamp tattoo? Sure.

The idea that opposing forces are interconnected

and interdependent in the national world,

-giving rise to each other. -No way.

Watch something besides Real Housewives.

They're real housewives, Peter.

I want to bring these opposing forces together

to create a more powerful energy at this firm.

Well, thanks, but we're not cut out for a big firm.

Can you give us a minute?

-We are taking this offer. -What?

Oh, come on, this is about Janie.

I'm not gonna blow a good thing over some girl

who's never gonna take you back.

I'm not sticking around while you live you life

trying to get back at your father.

I will consider it

if we can keep Carmen and Pindar on

and we still get to keep doing the same cases

that made Franklin & Bash famous.

And I want a '75 Bronco.

You wanna counter with a Bronco?

I accept all your conditions.

Sweet Moses. Okay.

Full disclosure.

I never miss an opening day at Anaheim or Del Mar.

And I've already got a three-day pass for Coachella.

Good to know. We can carpool.

Do you like strawberry jam?

[♪♪♪]

This place looks like the Borg Cube.

-What? -Star Trek: Next Generation.

The Borg or humanoids

who attempt to assimilate every species into Borg.

You can't spew Star Wars dorkage

if you can't even make it downtown.

Star Trek. And downtown is dirty.

Nut up, Pindy.

There's a billion more germs in the cave.

But I've built up an immunity to Franklin & Bash toxins.

Turn him off.

It's not too late for us to turn back.

[♪♪♪]

My name is Debbie Wilcox. I'll be your assistant.

Well, just call us Peter and Jared,

and we don't like to work past 4:00.

And we'll never ask you to run a personal errand.

Unless it's a courier package from a central American country.

-He's joking. -Unless you're cool with it.

Here we are.

There's only one desk. We'll both need--

Oh, this is your office, Mr. Bash.

Mr. Franklin's office is next door.

[♪♪♪]

We'll need that wall taken down.

Yes, sir. I'll call someone.

Well, at this point, I'd like to welcome

Jared Franklin and Peter Bash.

Jared Franklin. I love the law.

And as soon as the state recognizes it,

I'm gonna marry that law.

-Really? -Yeah.

Peter Bash. Happy to be here.

I'm Carmen. I'm not with them.

And I'm Pindar Singh.

Pindar's writing a brief due tomorrow,

but we expect he'll be starting in the office very soon.

Well, I don't expect too much the first few days.

Just listen and shadow the partners.

Right. Damien, what's going on with Trans-Sky Airlines?

-Well, some-- -You've heard about the 707

that had to make the landing in the Oxnard cornfield.

Of course. Touchdown Tommy Donegan.

Makes that Sully guy look like a big old pussy.

So much for just listening. Some of the passengers are suing

for injuries sustained during the landing.

We're gonna make it about Donegan's character.

By the time we're done, a jury would be more likely

to convict Susan Boyle than Donegan and the airline.

-I love Susan Boyle. -Oh, she's great.

She's an angel.

Right. Franklin and Bash?

Peter's about to start his dominatrix case,

and I'm representing medical marijuana

against the city.

So if you need some samples, ding-dong.

[♪♪♪]

-Why are they here? -Mm-hmm.

-Impressive, right? -I give you guys two weeks.

-Welcome. Hanna Linden. -Jared Franklin.

We should grab some coffee sometime.

I can tell you where all the bodies are buried.

I'd like that. Hanna.

-I got something she can bury. -Elegant.

-You like it? -You should go with that.

-I gotta get to court. -Good luck.

How did you like your first partners' meeting?

Good. Except for that Karp guy. What a dick.

-Damien's my nephew. -You didn't let me finish.

We're taking Trans-Sky to the media.

There's a press conference today at 3.

Now, Damien will be running it.

I want you and Peter to go down there

and familiarize yourselves with the case.

You know, soften Damien up, if need be.

He gets very contentious around journalists.

Shocking. Not a problem. We've got your back.

That's some of our ads on bus stops and urinal cakes.

You may have seen them around.

[CHUCKLES]

Yeah, well...

[♪♪♪]

Where's my office?

You told me to dress conservatively.

That was before I learned we got Judge Emerson again.

I had him on my last case. He loves the ladies.

-In fact, if I may? -Mm-hmm.

There's my "not guilty."

This is so humiliating.

The police should feel humiliated.

They arrested you because they thought

you look like a prostitute. You are an actress.

You're paid to play a role, just like Dame Judi Dench.

Well, maybe not her. But thanks.

You're three minutes late. Please join us.

There must be some confusion. Judge Emerson is--

Under judicial review.

Just...

STURGESS: Yeah, that's a good idea.

Mr. Bash, your reputation precedes you.

I assure you, I am not gonna put up with any of your theatrics.

Oh, none necessary, Your Honor.

I assume the court has read our brief.

In the absence of proof of sex, there's no crime here.

Which is why we're fortunate to have these.

Sorry to bring them in late but there was some confusion

as to where to send them.

Defendant's counsel has had a change of address.

I find that hard to believe.

Miss Ross is trying to backdoor-- Baby Jesus.

Oh, my. Well, it's been a while,

but this looks like sex to me.

Motion to dismiss is denied.

[♪♪♪]

-You lied to me. -I didn't lie to you.

Hello? Reverse cowgirl?

Evan Porter didn't pay for sex.

He was my boyfriend.

-Your boyfriend? -Yeah.

He started as a client,

then we started seeing each another.

No money exchanged hands because we fell in love.

Just like in The Notebook.

Why didn't you tell me?

Because after the arrest I found out he was married,

-and I am not a home wrecker. -He lied to you.

Have you ever been in love?

Sometimes, you do things that defy explanation.

If he loves you, then he'll stand up and say it under oath.

♪ I'd like to lay you down ♪

♪ Wipe away your frown ♪

[♪♪♪]

Tommy Donegan is a decorated veteran

with over 10,000 flight hours.

And yet the very people

whose lives he and the airline saved

have brought this extraordinary and unwarranted attack

against my client. Now...

How'd it go with Annie?

Oh, wow. Game over.

Can I keep these?

Who's the douche next to Karp?

JARED: Neal Bryant, CEO of Trans-Sky Airlines.

Feel free to open a file once in a while.

I'm not a hero, and neither was my co-pilot, Barry Stone.

I simply did what I learned in flight school,

-and let the plane do the rest. -REPORTER: TMZ reports

that you were intimately involved with a flight attendant

10 minutes before the engine flamed out.

-You're referencing a blog? -REPORTER: The logbook shows

that you left the cockpit at 1:52 p.m.

We're allowed to leave.

REPORTER: And were seen by an unnamed witness

going into a restroom with a woman, Rachel Salazar.

Rachel's a friend of mine. I would never--

Shut up.

Did Karp just tell the client to shut up?

[REPORTERS CLAMORING]

I said it was only gonna be a few questions,

and this guy over here blew it for all of you.

Death spiral. We gotta do something.

Yeah, okay.

-What the hell was that? -Diversion.

Aw, crap. There's a fight.

Not the face.

Fight!

[♪♪♪]

Reporting live from City Hall...

Yes, they're here at the pool house.

Hey. I'll handle it.

Well, your little stunt today

is up to 100,000 hits on YouTube.

Some of the partners are questioning my sanity

on bringing you guys on board.

Actively questioning his sanity.

FYI, Damien.

Repeating the end of someone else's sentence

doesn't make it a thought.

[IN JAPANESE]

[BOTH CHUCKLING]

[IN ENGLISH] It's not that funny.

Dude speaks Japanese. That's awesome.

We wanna apologize for the 100,000 hits on YouTube.

Yeah, well, we're sorry. We were hoping for a million.

Excuse me?

Check the news. It's all about two lawyers

kicking the crap out of each other.

Nothing about the fact that your Captain America

is a mile-high frequent flier.

And a pathological degenerate.

It's not our place to judge.

One man gathers what another spills.

Ooh, I like that. Confucius? Mencius?

-Grateful Dead. -KARP: I'm sorry to interrupt

with something relevant, but witness or not,

Donegan's character is now front and center.

So if the paparazzi don't nail him,

someone with a cell phone will.

Damien's right.

Hmm, I am worried about tainting the jury pool.

I mean, we have based our entire case

on Donegan's character.

-He cannot be left alone. -You know...

I've got a crazy idea.

I doubt it could top hiring these two.

-Donegan stays at your place. -And it does.

Trial starts Tuesday. It's only about a week.

We bring the party to him

and he won't get the itch to go out.

Right. Well, everyone, clear out.

My sensei is waiting.

Good. How you feel?

-Good. -Good.

Seriously, why are they here? Is this a joke?

Do they have pictures of you with a Burmese she-male?

Not that I know of.

You'll just have to trust me on this one, Damien.

-Love you too. -Thank you.

[BOTH GRUNTING]

♪ I'm not in love ♪

♪ So don't forget it ♪

♪ It's just a silly phase I'm going through ♪

-♪ And just because... ♪ -[DEBBIE CLEARS THROAT]

♪ I call you up ♪

So, you might wanna go to the conference room.

Your partner's about to get punched again.

♪ I don't think You've got it made ♪

Thanks.

Any chance you could mix in a song

that doesn't make me wanna blow my brains out?

What are you doing?

I'm working.

-On what, your backhand? -No, I--

What's wrong with my backhand? Ooh!

It's the biggest screen in the building.

ANNOUNCER [ON TV]: Forty-15.

Oh, good shot. Your serve.

I have reserved this conference room.

No problem. We're all professionals here.

-Karaoke machine? -Right here.

Across the lobby, third door on the left.

-Can I talk to you? -You got it.

A karaoke machine?

You wouldn't care if this was the cave.

It's not. It's a law firm that's paying us--

To bring in karaoke machines. To mess with the zombie culture.

And occasionally practice law.

Exactly. Occasionally.

You know, I could've gone to work at a big firm,

-but I chose to stay because-- -You got caught

boning the senior partner's daughter in his office.

A contributing factor, but not the sole reason.

I wanted to help you out.

Can we meet them halfway?

Sure. Here's halfway.

This half stays the same. This half sells out.

[♪♪♪]

-[KNOCKING ON DOOR] -What...

-can I do for you? -Trouble in paradise?

No, no, that's nothing. We have three of those a week.

My old boyfriend was a lawyer too.

We fought a lot.

How'd you work things out?

I've found makeup sex works.

Well, I'll run it by Peter.

We did it once, and it got awkward, but...

You know, we're babysitting the pilot tonight.

I don't know if you wanna swing by and check up on us.

Thanks, but I've got plans. Maybe another time.

DONEGAN: This thing's amazing.

It's almost like the real thing,

except I'm awake and I got my pants on.

[CHUCKLES] That's disgusting.

-Seriously? -No, I'm just kidding.

I've never been a member of the mile-high club

-while I was piloting the plane. -[DOORBELL RINGS]

I'm a member since 2002.

Had sex in an airplane bathroom 35,000 feet over Denver.

Doesn't count when you do it alone.

-Oh. Never mind. -[LAUGHS]

Hey.

What's wrong?

I went to go see Evan.

He said that he never loved me

and that he was just paying for the sex.

What a dick.

He said that I was his sex addiction.

You sure there were no texts or e-mails saying he loves you?

Even if you erased them, we can image the hardrive.

No, we met post-Tiger, so he was really adamant

about no e-mails or sexting, nothing.

So it's her word against his.

Maybe we can get her clients to testify

that they never actually had sex with Annie.

Yeah, it'll help establish

a pattern for her business practice.

-[DOORBELL RINGS] -I got it.

That's not gonna be enough to get her off.

-Don't. -I wasn't.

We have to put the boyfriend on the stand.

Can't do that without anything to impeach Evan's testimony.

We're just gonna look like we're trying to humiliate him.

We're doing it.

He likes to be humiliated. We'll do it for free.

Hey. You came.

-How's Touchdown Tommy doing? -So far, so good.

We're about to start the Big Lebowski drinking game

and read some Goodnight Moon.

I thought you had plans.

I did, but my friend and I got into a fight.

Oh, well, sounds like someone's getting some makeup sex tonight.

Yes, somebody is.

♪ Stop for a minute, yo ♪

♪ Lil' mama No freak for reals ♪

♪ We about to mix Let's seal the deal, go ♪

♪ Won't take it ♪

This is where the magic happens, mostly.

♪ 'Cause this is something You ain't had before ♪

♪ You're crazy About the way I shake it ♪

♪ I'm crazy ♪

♪ Your jaw's about To hit the floor ♪

Oh, impressive. To your friend.

[IMITATING YODA] Try not. Do or do not. There is no try.

That's Empire when Luke visits Yoda in Dagobah,

and I'm hopeful that someday, you may share my last name.

[IN NORMAL VOICE] Yep.

♪ And if you hurt this ♪

♪ Then I'm gonna make you Work for it ♪

♪ Come on, baby Show me what you wanna do ♪

♪ I know you feel me Look what happened ♪

♪ I'm gonna make you Work for it ♪

It's been over between Janie and me for about a year now.

You know how it is. For one of us, it isn't.

Yeah, I've been there. My wife.

We were only married eight months.

If I'd been a better husband, she wouldn't have left me,

and I wouldn't have developed a rep as a womanizer.

People wouldn't be making up lies about me.

Who would make up this lie?

We build up our heroes just to tear them down.

First that boy in the balloon, now me.

Yeah.

Don't you worry, Tommy. We're gonna clear your name.

You know, for lawyers, you guys are almost human.

♪ Babe, where you think you Runnin' with this game? ♪

♪ Tellin' me You feelin' the same ♪

♪ Well, I ain't no hater, babe ♪

♪ Do what you do, babe Do what you do ♪

♪ Babe, where you think You runnin'? ♪

Pindy, how many showers is that tonight?

Just three.

Good for you. But get the hell out of here,

or we're gonna have sex in your bed.

Don't come back unless there's a fire.

Like, a huge fire.

Backdraft, Pindar!

-[LAUGHS] -Hey.

So I found something in the evidence code

could support our argument in Annie's case.

Fantastic. Let me see it.

Yeah, which reminds me,

we're gonna need to get a new girl to sign the waivers.

Shepardize these citations. Make sure the law's good.

Got it.

Thanks.

BRYANT [ON TV]: Thank you. I will certainly take you up on that drink.

KARP: My sound advice to you.

BRYANT: These Donegan allegations, along with the layoffs

are killing us.

Our stock is down 8 percent this quarter.

I'm looking at a lynch mob at the shareholders' meeting.

Actually, these allegations could save you.

BRYANT: What are you talking about?

If Donegan's actions were so outrageous

they were outside the scope of his employment

as a pilot for Trans-Sky Airlines,

they can't be held liable,

which gets Trans-Sky dismissed from the case.

Puts the whole thing on Donegan.

KARP: Only one problem. There's no witness

who saw Donegan ducked into the bathroom

with the flight attendant.

There's always a witness.

You just have to know their price.

♪ Babe, where you think you Runnin' with this game? ♪

Jared!

-What? -I was on-- They--

The pilot in trouble.

[STAMMERS]

Fire! Towering Inferno.

♪ Well, I ain't no hater, babe ♪

♪ Do what you gotta do Do what you do ♪

[♪♪♪]

Excuse me.

Look how much bigger this is than my--

You have law books. You must be so smart.

Do you want something?

I want you to pull the plug

on your "Throw Donegan under the bus" plan.

Can you guys give us the room for a second?

-Thank you. -Take five, guys.

Me and the president are gonna rap.

Seems that someone forgot to shut off

the video conferencing to Pindar last night.

-We heard everything. -Huh.

Now, from what I understand, you were exploiting

the emotional state of a senior partner.

You're Hanna's boyfriend.

Hanna's trying to rekindle something

that went on before we worked at the same firm.

See, unlike you, I recognize

that workplace relationships are inappropriate.

They're even actionable.

Obviously, Hanna's acting out.

Well, there definitely was some role-playing.

Pindar saw everything.

-Is that right? -He's willing to testify.

Really? Well, that's interesting,

because I heard that Pindar doesn't get out much.

And you can't testify as to what Pindar heard

because that would be hearsay.

Yeah, that would be hearsay.

We'll be making the motion to dismiss the airline today.

You don't have a witness.

Oh, no, actually, we do.

Barry Stone, Donegan's co-pilot.

He saw him leave the flight deck right before the crash.

-How much are you paying him? -Please.

You count on Pindar being there.

I look forward to it.

Oh, and by the way, if you say anything to Donegan

about communications between me and my client,

I'll have you and Bash disbarred.

[SCOFFS]

Like that ever scares us.

[♪♪♪]

Hey, where's Infeld?

-Out of pocket for the day. -Damn it.

Oh, you.

Did you come over last night to get back at Karp,

or to feed him intel?

I like you.

I wouldn't have come over if I didn't.

Sorry you felt used.

Hey, you can use me for sex anytime.

But if you used me to screw over Tommy Donegan,

you and I got bigger problems.

Aren't you supposed to just shadow?

I don't shadow. I cast shadows.

And Tommy Donegan is a part of that airline.

I was going-- Ah.

You cannot continue to lead a 2D existence

and work at this firm.

I need 3D Pindar in court today!

Or those dicks will take Donegan down.

They teach a class on me

at the psychiatric institute in Zurich, Jared.

Zurich.

I have a phobia. Phobias. Phobias? Phobium?

I got a cure.Repeated blows to the side of your head

with your Darth Maul statue if you are not

in court today by 1. You hear me? Do you--? Pindy!

[♪♪♪]

So it was strictly business between you and Annie Benton?

I mean, you'd pay her and she'd humiliate you?

Objection.

Uh, perhaps the district attorney

isn't familiar with sadomasochism.

After all, her repressed years in Gamma Pi.

I'm not proud of my behavior.

PETER: We're all pretty bizarre.

Some of us are just better at hiding it, that's all.

[SCOFFS]

Did I say something funny?

No, no, actually, you said something stolen.

Emilio Estevez, The Breakfast Club.

That was his line.

It's my favorite movie.

Yours too, right?

Along with Wedding Crashers, Gremlins and Yentl.

-Yeah. I guess. -So you would discuss cinema

in between lashes of her barbed whip? And I'm not judging.

-No. -Yeah.

Sounds more like pillow talk between two people in love.

Don't you think?

You know what? I don't know.

Well, of course you don't know. I mean, no one really knows.

But these photos don't prove an absence of love.

But what is love?

Giving someone a foot rub every night,

even though you think feet look weird

and you'd just as soon not be reminded people have them?

That sounds like love.

Or writing an entire rock opera with--

Maybe the music borrowed from Rent,

but the lyrics were all yours.

That would probably qualify as proof of love.

Or having an airplane trail a banner--

STURGESS: All right, Mr. Bash.

Is there a question coming any time soon?

Absent tangible proof, Your Honor.

How would you prove you loved your husband?

I didn't mean a question for me.

I know what I'd do.

I'd look into their eyes.

That's where the truth is.

Mr. Porter, I want you to look my client in the eyes,

and I want you to answer:

Are you now, or have you ever been,

in love with Annie Benton?

[♪♪♪]

No. No, I've never loved her.

No further questions, Your Honor.

STURGESS: Thank you, Mr. Bash.

We will take a short break and reconvene at 2:00.

[♪♪♪]

CARMEN: Come on, Pindar. You can do this.

Good boy. Let's do this. Let's go to court.

Ew! Uh-oh. Oh, God.

[VOMITS]

[GROANING]

Mr. Stone's testimony concerning Mr. Donegan

leaving the flight deck with Miss Salazar,

combined with Mr. Donegan's shoddy employment record

replete with instances of reckless behavior,

leaves the court with no choice

but to dismiss Trans-Sky Airlines from the case.

I don't think that could have gone any better.

Barry, what the hell?

Tommy, we tried to stop it.

You know, you guys pretend

that you're not like the other guys,

but you're just like them.

[♪♪♪]

[REPORTERS CLAMORING]

Bryant must have backed up the truck to pay off Stone.

Small price to save your company.

Is this who we are now? Just big-footing the little guy?

We can't let them do this to Tommy.

Oh, you're right. We have to plant our flag now.

Let them know this is not how we do it.

Yeah. I say we saddle up.

We ride to the Trans-Sky shareholders' meeting.

We take the fight to them. Love it. Let's ride.

-PETER: Gotta get back to court. -What?

It's on you, but I'll get there as soon as I can.

Don't just stand there. Like the wind.

Like the wind. All right.

♪ I need a solution ♪

Okay.

Okay, no, I got it. Got it.

Okay, so Jared's on his way

to the Trans-Sky shareholders' meeting at the airport.

Look, Pindar, you can still do this.

I tried. You saw what happened.

Oh, God. Don't remind me.

Look, I experienced that with all five senses.

Pindar, Jared and Peter took a chance with us.

Do you think there's a lot of law firms

that would hire an ex-con

and an agoraphobe who is terrified of birds?

Have you ever really looked at one?

They have weird faces.

They have eyes on the side of their head.

How can they see in front of them?

They're descended from dinosaurs, Carmen.

They're like tiny velociraptors.

Pindar, we both owe them. But today they needed you.

-Demons of the sky. -You let them down.

[RADIO MOSCOW'S "LUCKYDUTCH" PLAYING]

[SNEEZES]

♪ I can't see ♪

♪ If I could You know I would ♪

♪ I'm so high up on a cloud ♪

♪ That I finally got my chance To start looking down ♪

♪ Right down ♪

Hi. Excuse me.

Stanton. I need to speak with you.

Yes, yes, thank you. I got your messages.

Let's go. Aman can't have a poppy-seed colonic

without the whole world calling.

Hey. What are you two doing here?

Celebrating Trans-Sky's victory. Same as you.

I wonder if you told Stanton how you won the case.

-I want him out of here. -All right, look.

What's going on here?

Nothing much. Suborning perjury.

Sacrificing an innocent client to benefit a more important one.

What does a guy have to do around here

to get one of those little pizza thingies?

-Just ask, buddy. -Hey, thanks.

How'd it go?

Rocked the closing. Jury's out.

Stanton, these two clowns

are hurting the firm and they're ruining your name.

Your nephew cut Donegan loose without consulting you.

And your fat-cat client over there

paid off a witness to testify against Donegan.

I'm paying you guys $850 an hour for this?

If you have proof of any of this,

why didn't you present it in court?

Well, it wasn't-- It wasn't us.

Actually us who heard or saw the incident in question.

But it was Pindar, and, well, he's--

PINDAR: Hello. My name is Pindar Singh.

[CROWD MURMURING]

Thank you for your attention.

I bear disturbing news about Trans-Sky management.

It is with a great deal of regret

that I must avouch to you that your leaders--

Pindar!

We want Tommy Donegan hired back,

we want Trans-Sky to release a statement

confirming he's an American hero.

Now, you hired us because we reminded you of you

and your partner when you first started.

JARED: See, the question is,

what would you have done when you were us?

You do whatever you have to do.

I want to hear what Pindar has to say.

You got it.

-Wilfully and-- -No!

Deal.

Just tell that freak to step away from the podium.

You know, you better hire yourself another lawyer.

We are getting out of the scumbag business.

And I'll talk to you later.

Awesome.

Ta-ta.

I'm gonna find the bar.

-Look, um... -[GASPS]

I'm not sure why you decided to work here

instead of go work for your father's firm.

Not even sure that you're sure, but...

I'm just glad you're here.

Oh, Peter, um...

I'm glad I don't have a daughter.

-I'd better check on Pindar. -Yeah.

[♪♪♪]

The fact that you won't sleep with Hanna

because it violates some Victorian ethical code

makes me respect you a little.

But mostly, I'm just glad because I still got a shot.

You got no shot.

I got a shot.

-Pindy. -Hey, Peter.

I took the bus. I took the bus.

Hey, buddy. We are so proud of you.

It smelt like yoghurt.

-You won the case for us. -And sex.

Think you can let go of the podium?

-I do not. -[PHONE BEEPS]

The verdict's in on Annie's case.

Go, go, go. I got this. I got this.

Hey, tell Janie I say hi.

JUROR: In the above entitled action

on the sole count of prostitution,

we find the defendant not guilty.

Oh! Wow. Thank you.

-I'm so happy for you. -Appreciate it.

Peter, can we talk?

-Five minutes? -Yeah.

Okay.

Bash.

-I'm sorry. -For what?

The can of whup-ass I unleashed on you today.

Oh, that makes you, what, one for 10 against me now?

One for 14, actually.

I may not win many more now that you're with the big boys.

Congrats on the gig by the way.

Never thought I'd see the day.

Well, thanks.

-You wanted to talk? -I do.

Oh, see, I love those two words coming out of your mouth.

Well, you're gonna hear them again.

Peter...

I'm engaged.

I wanted you to hear it coming from me.

I appreciate you telling me.

I mean, really? Engaged?

-Wow. That's great. -Yeah.

-You're okay? -Hell, yeah.

-Good. -Yeah. I'm fine.

Great. Right. Yeah. Good.

Wait.

I still got a shot.

[10CC'S "I'M NOT IN LOVE" PLAYING]

[SINGING ALONG TO RADIO] ♪ I'm not in love ♪

♪ So don't forget it ♪

♪ It's just a silly phase I'm going through ♪

♪ And just because ♪

♪ Ooh, you wait a long time ♪

Peter Bash.

Alan, can I get a Number 4 for Peter?

All right.

How about winning not one, but two cases today, huh?

Hey, that's a good year for us.

You okay?

You get a date with Scarlett Johansson.

Don't joke about Scarlett. Ever.

One night with her, but there's a catch.

Doesn't matter. Nothing could keep me from Scar Jo. Nothing. Go.

Mike Tyson has to punch you in the face one time.

-Hard? -Right cross, full force.

Is it 1980s Tyson or crying-on- Oprah Tyson?

'80s Tyson.

Chance to sleep with the most beautiful woman in the world.

And a chance to live in a coma the rest of your life.

Can I have the sex first and then the punch?

Heh. Sorry.

♪ Ooh, what a mixture ♪

♪ Such a vivid picture ♪

♪ Ooh, what a mixture ♪

♪ If I must say so myself ♪

♪ Oh, my, what a day Comin' at me anyway ♪

♪ Everything I try to say Just comes out backwards ♪

♪ Overthinkin' Underreachin' ♪

♪ Someone tells a joke I'm blinkin' ♪

♪ Nothing's all That's sinkin' in ♪