Original subtitles

Yes, what is it? Can I ask you a question?

Well, it's this way. I mean, I just happened to see you walking by and...

me, what do you want anyway? Excuse me, I was just... Leave me alone, pet.

Do it again, you beast.

We meet once before.

That's right.

You gave me the brush off, didn't you?

Yes, but how was I to know you were such a great boy?

I haven't even begun yet. Sit up here. I want you to give me your alcohol.

You see, I'm terribly afraid of girls. I'm horrified.

What I mean is, I tend to be very daring in my fantasies.

When I meet a girl, I go up and kiss her.

Then I throw her off out before she knows it.

But in real life, when one comes towards me with a big smile on her face, I get

all uptight and I can't think of anything to say.

No need to worry. We can take care of that.

Get rid of the problem now.

I'll fix everything.

Is there something you'd like to have?

You bet.

Your ass. Oh, really?

Can we begin our lesson now and spare you this language, which is a gap in

education? All gaps should get filled in, and not just spared.

That's what I want to do.

Will you change places?

Begin by taking the telephone. We're going to start our first lesson.

And it costs 300 francs.

The enemy of any good make -out artist is shyness.

We all know the timid ones in this world make very little progress, if any.

They usually end up in the wilderness of solitude.

And the telephone, it is a good way to overcome shyness. It permits you to talk

without getting embarrassed or running the risk of humiliation, since you can

hang up any time you want.

You'd better answer the phone.

There's someone there.

Yes, hello.

Hello. It's a woman.

I thought your friend Francois came here for a lesson. Please excuse me, sorry.

How long will the first lesson take?

Oh, the first lesson always takes longest.

Ah, better take your time then.

I'd be the last one in the world to stand in his way. See you later.

Go on, talk.

Hello.

See if you can make a date with her.

Are you there?

Do you have any ideas on a place you'd like to see?

Yes. That's perfect. Talk.

Hello. Yes. Hello, madame. Mademoiselle.

Mademoiselle. Hello, mademoiselle.

Yes, well... Well... Pink.

I mean, I was... What I meant to say was... Go on.

I like the sound of your voice.

You say a nice voice?

Everyone says that.

You shouldn't believe what everyone says.

What do you mean I shouldn't? It's not easy to talk to a person whom you've

never seen before.

However, it's a nice feeling to know you're there, on the other end of the

I don't know what your face looks like, but I do know your voice.

I'm imagining the way you look. You must be very beautiful.

I'm just like all the boys you see around. To tell the truth, I'm not very

handsome, but... People say I have charm.

My problem is that I'm very shy and I never know what to say when I'm talking

a girl.

I think I'm what people call clumsy. I feel a lot more at ease over the

telephone. But when we meet, I'm sure it will be very difficult for me.

That is, if the time ever comes when we ever do meet.

Do you know why poets have always written so well about love?

It's because they're so terribly shy with women.

Since they're always in love, words come easy to their pens.

And they are able to soften the hardest of hearts.

It calls them to be very tender.

I didn't write that, but I think it's beautiful.

I wish I were able to write myself.

Not poems, perhaps, because of the technique required.

But letters.

Long love letters.

Passionate. Like those written by Napoleon to Josephine.

Now that I'm able to speak to you in this way, I suddenly feel overcome with

certain boldness.

I have another passion.

Their passion is buttocks. Yes, buttocks. It's not a very pretty word.

why I choose to call them cheeks.

And of course, buttocks. I mean, cheeks come in many different forms.

The world of buttocks is unfathomable. It's a world of wonder. A fabulous world

with exquisite depths of harmonious roundness of swaying that causes

In the world of buttocks, all women deserve the names they're given. The

woman is called round.

Courageous woman, gluttonous, white buttocks, liberated buttocks, wild

and last but not least, cheeky buttocks. Of course, I hear, hear, hear, holier

-than -thou buttocks, civil servant buttocks, and I never go near black

buttocks. I can't stand pointed buttocks, broken buttocks, marmalade

and white buttocks.

the real thing when giving a demonstration.

Now, to get back to spanking, we all should know that spanking should begin

a commitment and gradually turn into a storm.

St. Matthew says, knock and the door will open.

I pity the poor woman who receives spanking as humiliation.

But it really is a source of profound joy.

Spanking is a wonderful pastime. It keeps you from being bored and ensures

continued true love.

Are you still there?

I haven't budged. Oh, really?

I'm flattered.

I could be wrong, but I have a feeling you're a very sweet man. You have a very

exciting voice.

You've already told me that. You're repeating yourself.

Maybe we could meet. Would you like that?

Oh, yes.

But where?

Where?

Why not here?

At my house.

If you want, you can always join me here.

You'd prefer it if I went to your place.

Well, where do you live?

Say, I thought you told me you were shy.

So you're ready to come to my place and me, a complete stranger?

You'd be surprised if I told you where I live.

Are you putting me on?

Could it be that you live so far away that I'd have to take a train or a plane

in order to meet you?

Is that why you insist on your place?

When you leave your place on the same floor, you go to the end of the hall and

you push on the side.

My name's Lily.

All right, Lily.

Suck me up.

Ah!

Excuse me, madam, but sometime I've been noticing you.

What? Well, I feel we might get to know each other.

I think you're being rather hasty about things, young man. Please excuse me, I

only... Sorry if I offended you.

Oh, wait!

I'll go with you.

You live alone here?

No. I live with my mother and my father. What if they come? Don't worry.

They're both in the country.

I have the apartment all to myself.

Terrific, isn't it?

It is terrific.

How about me? What do you think?

We'll see about that later. Come on.

are meaningless.

Oh, Papa.

I apologize.

Oh, apologize? What do you mean you apologize? You take our daughter and

apologize? Who do you think you are? Calm down. We didn't do anything bad.

Is that so? Well, we were just outside the door listening for half an hour.

Interesting, wasn't it? Don't get smart.

You must make amends.

You've dishonored our daughter.

Oh, yes, our little baby who never did wrong. You took advantage of her. You

have to make amends.

There.

And how much will that cost?

Another insult like that and you'll fly out the window.

You live on the fifth floor, right? Yes, it's the fifth floor. So what?

So I'll mend.

My son.

My son.

Oh, no, not that. Come on, my son. No, not that. Never.

No, no, never.

You don't want to marry me? Oh, no, I'm too young. I don't want to die. But I

don't want to die an old maid.

Francois, we dropped in to see what you were doing. I presume that everything is

satisfactory? Yes, just marvelous.

Come on now, Crossfire. Prepare the ground.

I like it. I like it.

Like it. Yeah.

Pick a target in the building across the street, and I'll try my luck.

There she is. It's up to you now.

How much time do I have to get her?

There's only one subject in life where time doesn't matter. The subject is

Sorry if I'm interrupting you.

I'm a neighbor of yours.

And for some time now, I've been observing your vacuum cleaner.

Just what is it you want?

I want to speak to you.

To tell you I think you're beautiful.

I've wanted to for a long time now.

It's only today I finally got up the courage.

Who are you?

I'm lonely.

You're looking for me, aren't you? I live just opposite you. It's the second

floor up.

A bit to the right.

And, yes, a little lower.

My eyes encounter yours and look into your very soul.

But where's all this talk leading to?

To where you want to go.

I love your voice. It has nice tones.

And yet it has emotion.

It's the first time anyone's ever told me that.

But you mustn't think that way.

What's happening to your hand?

What's happening to my hand?

Why nothing?

Then why do I sense that your hand will be guided by a strong urge that you are

unable to control?

An urge that will dominate you and cause you to plunge into the depths of

profound pleasure.

I feel you letting yourself go totally. You will fall into absolute ecstasy.

Tell me, how come you know me so well?

Who are you?

Me? I can follow your finger.

How come I know?

I sense it.

I can sense it caressing you.

I want you to stand up and to put your key under the doormat now.

That's it, baby.

No.

I'm home!

I'll admit defeat.

Okay.

He'll make out.

I've enjoyed being his professor. He's my protege.

Am I a good student?

Well, you do well to study and don't fall behind. Just keep on with your

homework. I'm at your disposal, Professor.

Nice weather.

Yes, not bad.

What do you feel like?

Whatever you say.

Shall we go?

Well, I've been picked up quite a few times in the past. However, not this

Then you can accept my invitation.

I hope your invitation is going to be original.

If you want originality, just come along with me.

Hello, Frost Rock.

Oh, good day, madame.

We're still in the middle of a refresher class. You'll never guess who the pupil

is. Gabriel?

You win!

Oh, excuse me.

Please tell Diane that we're here. We'll wait.

I don't even know who you are. But I wouldn't mind knowing who you are.

Well, that's all right, but...

In my opinion, it's a bit too direct. There's really no need to be in such a

hurry. Try it once more.

Just what is this?

A class on making out.

Is this where everyone learns the method?

No, no, no.

Today's class is an improvisation.

Well, that's why it worked out so smoothly.

Francois is here.

Hello.

Diane, Veronique.

How do you do?

Gabriel.

Lily.

No one can resist you now. You're the champion.

He's finished the easy part.

But there's nothing that says Francois can get me to go to bed. Oh, well, I'm

sure he can. I'll bet it works out fine.

And as a matter of fact, I'll help put you at ease. You can use my bed.

Come on.

You'll see, it's really comfortable.

But what if it does nothing for me?

Oh, that would really be a pity for both of us.

I think it's time for retail now.

No.

No.

Thank you.

Oh.