All language subtitles for [SubtitleTools.com] Borat.VHS.Cassette.Of.Material.Deemed.Sub-acceptable.By.Kazakhstan.Ministry.Of.Censorship.And.Circumcision.2021.1080p.WEBRip.x264.AAC5.1-[YTS.MX]

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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:24,774 --> 00:00:27,318 Jagshemash! My name Borat. 2 00:00:27,402 --> 00:00:31,532 It now many months since I returned home from U.S. and A. 3 00:00:31,614 --> 00:00:36,036 I very angry about the stolen election in America 4 00:00:36,119 --> 00:00:40,039 and how Donald Trump was stopped from carrying it out. 5 00:00:40,124 --> 00:00:42,625 After a long investigation, 6 00:00:42,667 --> 00:00:45,503 it turned out that thousands of valid votes 7 00:00:45,588 --> 00:00:48,006 were tragically counted. 8 00:00:48,090 --> 00:00:52,261 McDonald also say that many dead people voted. 9 00:00:52,344 --> 00:00:55,765 In Kazakhstan, we have much experience with this. 10 00:00:55,847 --> 00:00:58,392 When people vote for the opposition, 11 00:00:58,475 --> 00:01:00,895 two days later they are found dead. 12 00:01:00,978 --> 00:01:02,979 High five! 13 00:01:03,063 --> 00:01:06,817 Here in Kazakhstan, COVID is no longer a problem. 14 00:01:06,900 --> 00:01:09,403 In fact, in my village of Kusek, 15 00:01:09,486 --> 00:01:11,989 we have reached herd immunity. 16 00:01:12,072 --> 00:01:15,700 I had sexy time with all the cows in my herd 17 00:01:15,784 --> 00:01:18,245 and not one of them caught it. 18 00:01:18,329 --> 00:01:21,123 Reason I here, though, is because of movie film 19 00:01:21,206 --> 00:01:23,125 I released last year. 20 00:01:23,209 --> 00:01:26,420 It had a duration of 90 minutes 21 00:01:26,504 --> 00:01:30,257 since that was the length of our nation's VHS cassette. 22 00:01:30,341 --> 00:01:33,760 However, in new trade agreement with Kyrgyzstan, 23 00:01:33,843 --> 00:01:37,264 we have procure another 30-minute cassette, 24 00:01:37,347 --> 00:01:41,393 which mean I can present you some unseen footages. 25 00:01:41,477 --> 00:01:44,979 Please. You will enjoy. Chenqui. 26 00:01:45,063 --> 00:01:48,359 I decided to learn a sport created 27 00:01:48,442 --> 00:01:53,072 by famous sports star McDonald Trump called golf. 28 00:01:54,490 --> 00:01:56,533 - Hi. How are you doing? - Nice meet you. 29 00:01:56,616 --> 00:01:58,576 Nice to meet you. I'm Tony Labella. 30 00:01:58,661 --> 00:02:01,246 - Nice meet you. - Oh. Okay. 31 00:02:01,329 --> 00:02:02,873 That's new. Okay. 32 00:02:02,956 --> 00:02:04,792 - This is a club right here, so... - This a club? 33 00:02:04,875 --> 00:02:06,251 Yeah. This is a golf club. 34 00:02:06,334 --> 00:02:07,837 This is what you hit the golf ball with. 35 00:02:07,920 --> 00:02:10,296 Now, I want you to grip this in your left hand. 36 00:02:10,381 --> 00:02:12,049 - Your other hand. - Hmm? 37 00:02:12,132 --> 00:02:14,259 This hand here. Okay? 38 00:02:14,342 --> 00:02:17,012 Grip the club. Here. 39 00:02:17,096 --> 00:02:19,723 Okay? Okay. 40 00:02:19,806 --> 00:02:22,725 - Grip it with your left hand like so. - Left hand? 41 00:02:22,810 --> 00:02:25,979 Now, uh... yeah, nice. Very good. Okay, so... 42 00:02:26,062 --> 00:02:28,524 - Yes? - Take the club. Now, grip it 43 00:02:28,606 --> 00:02:29,942 - in your left hand. - This one? 44 00:02:30,025 --> 00:02:31,360 - No. This one right here. - This one. 45 00:02:31,443 --> 00:02:33,736 The one you just sat on the ground. 46 00:02:33,820 --> 00:02:37,283 Okay? Grip it in your left hand. 47 00:02:37,365 --> 00:02:39,617 And see where I've got right here? Do what I do. 48 00:02:39,701 --> 00:02:41,328 Do what I do. 49 00:02:41,412 --> 00:02:43,413 Yeah. Do what I do. Take your club 50 00:02:43,497 --> 00:02:45,123 in your left hand. 51 00:02:45,206 --> 00:02:46,917 In-in this hand right here. 52 00:02:47,001 --> 00:02:48,711 Your left hand right here. 53 00:02:48,793 --> 00:02:51,296 Yeah. Good. All right. So far, so good. 54 00:02:52,381 --> 00:02:53,841 Okay. 55 00:02:55,425 --> 00:02:56,801 Okay. No. 56 00:02:56,885 --> 00:02:59,555 Okay. Uh, let me see. Um... 57 00:02:59,638 --> 00:03:01,973 Here we go. Let's, um... 58 00:03:02,056 --> 00:03:05,269 Let's take the club right here... 59 00:03:05,352 --> 00:03:07,104 Uh, you can turn back around this way. 60 00:03:07,187 --> 00:03:08,688 - No. The other way. - Oh. 61 00:03:08,771 --> 00:03:11,275 - Put this in your hand. Put this-- good. - Mm. 62 00:03:11,358 --> 00:03:12,735 Put this in your hand. 63 00:03:12,818 --> 00:03:15,111 Now, put your other hand on the club. Like... 64 00:03:15,194 --> 00:03:17,239 Okay. Like this. 65 00:03:17,323 --> 00:03:19,199 - There it is. - Yeah. 66 00:03:19,283 --> 00:03:22,328 Do not change that. Turn this way and face me. 67 00:03:22,411 --> 00:03:25,288 - Okay? Face me. - Hmm? 68 00:03:25,372 --> 00:03:27,582 Face me. Okay? All right. 69 00:03:27,665 --> 00:03:29,376 Okay, turn a little bit more. 70 00:03:29,460 --> 00:03:31,170 - Yeah. A little bit more. - Hmm? 71 00:03:31,252 --> 00:03:33,212 Okay. A little bit more. 72 00:03:33,296 --> 00:03:34,882 Little bit more. 73 00:03:34,965 --> 00:03:37,468 Put your thumb on top. And don't move that. 74 00:03:37,550 --> 00:03:38,843 Put your right hand on the club. 75 00:03:38,927 --> 00:03:40,512 Stand like me. 76 00:03:44,974 --> 00:03:47,102 Bend forward. Set the club down. 77 00:03:47,186 --> 00:03:48,771 Okay, not so much. 78 00:03:48,853 --> 00:03:50,980 Hold your head up a little bit. Hold your head up. 79 00:03:51,064 --> 00:03:52,399 You make me look at your chram. 80 00:03:52,483 --> 00:03:54,234 No, no, we're not doing that. 81 00:03:54,317 --> 00:03:57,362 Okay. Head up. Look down. 82 00:03:57,445 --> 00:03:59,156 Right there. 83 00:03:59,239 --> 00:04:00,574 Don't move your body. 84 00:04:00,657 --> 00:04:02,367 - Just set the club down. - Yes? 85 00:04:02,450 --> 00:04:04,203 Keep your grip. There you go. 86 00:04:04,286 --> 00:04:07,122 Awesome. This is the first step. 87 00:04:07,205 --> 00:04:09,040 This is a fun? 88 00:04:09,123 --> 00:04:11,043 Yeah, this is fun. Aren't you having fun? 89 00:04:13,419 --> 00:04:14,921 I want you to swing back. 90 00:04:15,004 --> 00:04:16,839 Swing the club this way. 91 00:04:16,923 --> 00:04:18,550 No. The club. 92 00:04:18,634 --> 00:04:21,095 - Keep your lower body steady. - What is a club? 93 00:04:21,177 --> 00:04:23,137 - This is a club. - Ah. Yes? 94 00:04:23,221 --> 00:04:25,891 Now, now, stay right here. Nope. Keep your stance. 95 00:04:25,975 --> 00:04:28,726 - I play golf. - Okay. Watch me. 96 00:04:29,853 --> 00:04:33,106 You see me hit that golf ball? 97 00:04:33,189 --> 00:04:35,192 You've got to be kidding me. 98 00:04:47,120 --> 00:04:48,454 - Okay. - I got one. 99 00:04:48,538 --> 00:04:49,872 Do I get one point? 100 00:04:49,956 --> 00:04:51,457 You get one point if you can hit 101 00:04:51,542 --> 00:04:53,334 this golf ball out there with this stick. 102 00:04:56,045 --> 00:04:57,798 Wait. 103 00:04:59,966 --> 00:05:01,718 W-What was the first thing I said? 104 00:05:01,802 --> 00:05:03,220 Hello. Nice meet you. 105 00:05:03,302 --> 00:05:04,805 - No, no, no. No, no, no, no. - My name... 106 00:05:04,887 --> 00:05:06,557 The first thing I said, when you swing this club, 107 00:05:06,639 --> 00:05:08,225 is do not let go of the club. 108 00:05:08,307 --> 00:05:10,685 - Mm. - Okay? Set up to the golf ball. 109 00:05:11,937 --> 00:05:13,396 - Okay. - Hmm? 110 00:05:13,480 --> 00:05:15,024 I'm going to stand over here. 111 00:05:15,106 --> 00:05:16,692 You just try to make contact with the golf ball. 112 00:05:18,569 --> 00:05:19,778 Again. 113 00:05:22,447 --> 00:05:25,242 Now, keep your feet on the ground. This is not dancing. 114 00:05:26,951 --> 00:05:29,579 - I play golf. - If-if that's golf right there... 115 00:05:29,663 --> 00:05:30,747 I get it. 116 00:05:31,790 --> 00:05:33,500 Get back here! 117 00:05:35,084 --> 00:05:36,627 Set the club behind the golf ball. 118 00:05:36,711 --> 00:05:39,048 You're going to put your eyes on the golf ball. 119 00:05:40,298 --> 00:05:41,884 Why? 120 00:05:43,634 --> 00:05:46,096 - Thank you for teach me how to play... - Golf. 121 00:05:46,180 --> 00:05:47,221 What? 122 00:05:47,305 --> 00:05:48,973 - Golf. - What is golf? 123 00:05:49,057 --> 00:05:50,933 Golf is-is a sport. 124 00:05:51,018 --> 00:05:53,896 - Will you teach me this game? - Well, uh, I'm trying. 125 00:05:53,978 --> 00:05:55,980 - Thank you very much. - Oh. You're welcome. 126 00:05:56,064 --> 00:05:58,274 Okay. Oh, no. That, uh... Enough of... 127 00:05:58,358 --> 00:06:00,360 - I got that, okay? - Yes. Thank you. 128 00:06:00,444 --> 00:06:02,403 All right. You're welcome. 129 00:06:07,992 --> 00:06:12,413 When I was preparing my daughter for ladies' man Michael Pence, 130 00:06:12,497 --> 00:06:15,750 I take her to meet professor of etiquette 131 00:06:15,834 --> 00:06:18,629 who taught her how to walk, talk, 132 00:06:18,711 --> 00:06:20,129 and which spoon to use 133 00:06:20,213 --> 00:06:22,841 when cleaning her anus at dinner table. 134 00:06:22,925 --> 00:06:24,425 Please. 135 00:06:33,851 --> 00:06:35,603 Welcome to America. 136 00:06:35,687 --> 00:06:38,398 I'm looking forward to helping you be beautiful 137 00:06:38,481 --> 00:06:40,608 and elegant and very smart. 138 00:06:40,692 --> 00:06:43,112 - Okay. So... - Good luck. 139 00:06:43,194 --> 00:06:46,615 I want to be like Disney princess Snow White. 140 00:06:46,697 --> 00:06:48,492 - Okay. Mm-hmm. - Where I'm asleep 141 00:06:48,574 --> 00:06:52,245 and prince came and make a magical fuck in me 142 00:06:52,329 --> 00:06:53,997 and then I wake up. 143 00:06:54,081 --> 00:06:56,750 - Well, we'll make that happen, okay? - Yes! 144 00:06:56,834 --> 00:07:00,170 You're going to learn how to be elegant and pretty 145 00:07:00,254 --> 00:07:03,257 and to eat properly and to... 146 00:07:03,339 --> 00:07:06,134 W-When was the last time you washed your hair? 147 00:07:06,218 --> 00:07:09,178 Uh, when she was, uh, born. 148 00:07:09,262 --> 00:07:10,848 You... 149 00:07:10,930 --> 00:07:12,598 She doesn't wash her hair? 150 00:07:12,682 --> 00:07:14,810 No. Why? 151 00:07:14,893 --> 00:07:17,271 - I wash my hair every day. - But the man 152 00:07:17,353 --> 00:07:19,314 - that she will be given to... - Mm-hmm. 153 00:07:19,398 --> 00:07:21,524 ...he will like her have a strong smell 154 00:07:21,608 --> 00:07:24,319 so he can find where she is. 155 00:07:24,403 --> 00:07:28,115 So, tell me what your hobbies are, what you like to do. 156 00:07:30,992 --> 00:07:32,661 Oh, my gosh. 157 00:07:33,661 --> 00:07:35,079 - Did you... 158 00:07:35,163 --> 00:07:37,206 Did you teach her these kinds of things? 159 00:07:37,290 --> 00:07:38,332 Her mother. 160 00:07:38,417 --> 00:07:41,252 I open with my small hole. 161 00:07:41,336 --> 00:07:43,088 Yes. 162 00:07:43,172 --> 00:07:44,630 When she meet this man, 163 00:07:44,715 --> 00:07:47,634 what the first thing that she should say him? 164 00:07:47,718 --> 00:07:49,468 You say "hello." 165 00:07:49,552 --> 00:07:51,721 You shake his hand, in our culture, 166 00:07:51,805 --> 00:07:55,808 and say, "Hello. I'm Grace, and I'm delighted to meet you." 167 00:07:55,893 --> 00:07:57,810 That's exactly what you say. 168 00:07:57,894 --> 00:08:01,314 - Hello. I'm Grace. - Mm-hmm. 169 00:08:01,398 --> 00:08:04,442 - I'm pleased to meet you. - Perfect. 170 00:08:04,526 --> 00:08:06,903 I think you're doing very well. 171 00:08:06,987 --> 00:08:10,699 And when he hear this, will he want to make a romance on her? 172 00:08:10,781 --> 00:08:13,160 Not as fast as you would like. 173 00:08:13,242 --> 00:08:16,038 In our culture, we don't go from "hello" to fucking. 174 00:08:16,120 --> 00:08:17,788 We just don't. 175 00:08:17,872 --> 00:08:20,000 How many minutes you wait? 176 00:08:22,211 --> 00:08:24,545 Until he proposes to her. 177 00:08:24,629 --> 00:08:26,798 Proposes, uh, sexy time? 178 00:08:26,882 --> 00:08:29,175 No. Proposes marriage. 179 00:08:29,259 --> 00:08:31,637 Nobody want to do sex with me. 180 00:08:31,720 --> 00:08:34,722 Well, why would they when you have dirty hair and you smell? 181 00:08:37,308 --> 00:08:41,187 In Kazakhstan, barber is most venerable profession. 182 00:08:41,270 --> 00:08:44,316 They are paid three tenge for removing beard, 183 00:08:44,399 --> 00:08:46,985 five tenge for removing pubis, 184 00:08:47,068 --> 00:08:49,947 and 15 tenge for removing head of evil criminal 185 00:08:50,029 --> 00:08:52,990 who have committed parking offense. 186 00:08:53,075 --> 00:08:57,537 Here is my hair cutting employment footages. 187 00:08:57,620 --> 00:09:00,499 What would you like? I can take it all off. 188 00:09:00,581 --> 00:09:03,335 I can, uh, keep it short. 189 00:09:03,418 --> 00:09:06,629 Keep it where it's, you know, above the ears is fine. 190 00:09:06,712 --> 00:09:09,924 Hmm. And what, uh, below would you like? 191 00:09:10,967 --> 00:09:12,219 Um... 192 00:09:12,302 --> 00:09:13,595 Your pubis. 193 00:09:13,678 --> 00:09:15,596 No, it's fine. I don't... It's fine. 194 00:09:15,681 --> 00:09:17,057 - No, I can... - Nothing. 195 00:09:17,139 --> 00:09:18,642 For five more dollar I can do everything. 196 00:09:18,725 --> 00:09:20,226 We don't have to do that. That's fine. 197 00:09:31,404 --> 00:09:33,407 - May I? 198 00:09:36,743 --> 00:09:38,036 I'm fine. 199 00:09:38,120 --> 00:09:39,453 No extra charge. 200 00:09:39,538 --> 00:09:41,331 No, I... I just ate. 201 00:09:41,414 --> 00:09:43,082 Thank you. 202 00:09:43,165 --> 00:09:44,960 Thank you for asking. 203 00:10:07,649 --> 00:10:09,860 - Mm-hmm. Good. - You okay? 204 00:10:34,467 --> 00:10:36,427 This good knife. I, uh... 205 00:10:36,510 --> 00:10:38,346 use it to remove, uh... 206 00:10:38,429 --> 00:10:42,058 - my son from my wife belly. - Oh, you did? 207 00:10:43,268 --> 00:10:45,144 - You want? - Mm-mm. 208 00:10:45,227 --> 00:10:46,730 - I'm fine. - No problem. 209 00:10:46,812 --> 00:10:48,315 - You can... - No. I don't need it. 210 00:10:48,398 --> 00:10:50,484 - It is a gift. - Oh. Okay. 211 00:10:50,567 --> 00:10:52,277 Thank you. 212 00:10:52,360 --> 00:10:53,903 Sandwich? 213 00:10:53,986 --> 00:10:55,989 - No. I'm fine. - Thank you. 214 00:10:57,448 --> 00:10:59,533 - You want a drink? - No. Uh-uh. 215 00:10:59,618 --> 00:11:01,119 It's not good to drink that. 216 00:11:01,202 --> 00:11:03,080 - Mm? - That's... 217 00:11:03,163 --> 00:11:05,206 - Not so good. - I wouldn't drink it. 218 00:11:17,635 --> 00:11:19,513 - You are beautiful. - Oh. Thank you. 219 00:11:19,596 --> 00:11:20,846 Very sexy man. 220 00:11:20,931 --> 00:11:22,349 Thank you, sir. 221 00:11:22,432 --> 00:11:24,058 - Want me shave your arms? - No. 222 00:11:24,142 --> 00:11:25,519 - No? - No. 223 00:11:25,601 --> 00:11:27,187 You're not gonna shave my hair off, are you? 224 00:11:29,480 --> 00:11:32,692 - What you gonna do with that? - Uh... hair? 225 00:11:36,113 --> 00:11:38,115 But you do mostly animals, though, right? 226 00:11:38,197 --> 00:11:39,282 Uh, no. 227 00:11:39,365 --> 00:11:40,741 Uh, this, I believe sex crime. 228 00:11:40,826 --> 00:11:43,161 Before they remove his chram, 229 00:11:43,245 --> 00:11:45,371 I remove his pubis. I was given honor. 230 00:11:45,455 --> 00:11:46,956 Oh. That's great. 231 00:11:50,043 --> 00:11:51,878 To your satisfaction, sir? 232 00:11:55,298 --> 00:11:57,216 That's fine. 233 00:12:00,220 --> 00:12:01,804 That's fine. 234 00:12:08,311 --> 00:12:09,895 That's fine. 235 00:12:13,567 --> 00:12:15,025 That's fine. 236 00:12:16,528 --> 00:12:17,736 That's fine. 237 00:12:20,365 --> 00:12:21,615 May I? 238 00:12:25,620 --> 00:12:26,830 Thank you. 239 00:12:34,211 --> 00:12:38,466 One of great legacies of benevolent hero McDonald Trump 240 00:12:38,549 --> 00:12:41,595 was to ensure that every Mexican child 241 00:12:41,677 --> 00:12:44,806 was provided with free cage. 242 00:12:44,889 --> 00:12:46,557 Unfortunately, my daughter 243 00:12:46,640 --> 00:12:49,602 is not one of these overprivileged brats, 244 00:12:49,686 --> 00:12:51,770 so I would have to pay for hers. 245 00:12:51,855 --> 00:12:53,690 Not nice. 246 00:13:00,947 --> 00:13:02,532 This is hay here. It's different. 247 00:13:02,615 --> 00:13:03,991 - What? - This is hay. It's for feeding the horses. 248 00:13:04,075 --> 00:13:05,826 - Hey! - No. I mean, this is... 249 00:13:05,910 --> 00:13:07,245 That's what we call this is hay. 250 00:13:07,328 --> 00:13:08,830 - For feeding horses. - Hey! 251 00:13:08,913 --> 00:13:10,999 - What is this? - It's hay. We call it hay. 252 00:13:11,081 --> 00:13:12,918 - Hey. Hey. - Hay. For feeding horses. 253 00:13:13,000 --> 00:13:14,503 Horse feed. 254 00:13:14,586 --> 00:13:17,463 Why you make introductions to me so many times? 255 00:13:17,547 --> 00:13:19,591 You are very friendly. 256 00:13:19,673 --> 00:13:21,051 In America, we also have words that we... 257 00:13:21,134 --> 00:13:22,760 The same words just spelled a different way. 258 00:13:22,844 --> 00:13:24,428 - Yes. - It has different meanings. 259 00:13:24,513 --> 00:13:27,432 - Like this is hay or this is hey. - Hey! Hey. 260 00:13:27,515 --> 00:13:29,392 - But that's hay, too. - Hey. 261 00:13:29,475 --> 00:13:31,436 - Yeah. - Uh, please stop 262 00:13:31,519 --> 00:13:33,230 - saying "hey" to me. - Okay. 263 00:13:33,312 --> 00:13:35,606 - Because we already made introduction. - Okay. 264 00:13:35,690 --> 00:13:37,775 - Now it is annoying. - All right. I'm sorry. 265 00:13:37,859 --> 00:13:41,403 - My daughter will be requiring nutrition. - Uh-huh. 266 00:13:41,488 --> 00:13:43,280 - What is this? - Horse feed. 267 00:13:43,365 --> 00:13:44,865 - You feed whores with this? - Yes. 268 00:13:44,950 --> 00:13:47,494 Uh, do you have any feed 269 00:13:47,576 --> 00:13:50,330 for normal wives, not just whores? 270 00:13:50,413 --> 00:13:52,456 - Oh. No. I'm sorry. Horse. - This... 271 00:13:52,540 --> 00:13:54,500 This is food for prostitutes? 272 00:13:54,584 --> 00:13:56,461 No. This is "horse," not "whores." 273 00:13:56,544 --> 00:13:59,588 You feed horses to whores? 274 00:13:59,673 --> 00:14:02,049 We feed this food to horses. 275 00:14:02,133 --> 00:14:03,759 We feed different food to the whores. 276 00:14:03,842 --> 00:14:06,804 You feed whores to horses? 277 00:14:06,888 --> 00:14:09,307 It's totally different food. 278 00:14:09,390 --> 00:14:12,519 But the horses you feed to the whores? 279 00:14:12,601 --> 00:14:16,648 Well, some people might, but I-I would never do it. 280 00:14:18,024 --> 00:14:20,527 Can you do makeup so that 281 00:14:20,610 --> 00:14:23,822 every man will see her and want to overpower her 282 00:14:23,904 --> 00:14:26,365 - and drag her to his house? - No. 283 00:14:26,448 --> 00:14:30,120 In America, we do makeup as a self-empowerment. Not for men. 284 00:14:33,789 --> 00:14:36,459 - She find it funny. - That's how it is in America. 285 00:14:36,543 --> 00:14:39,796 - Yes. It's a strange place. - It's different. 286 00:14:43,008 --> 00:14:46,802 So this is all, like, uh, skincare. 287 00:14:46,885 --> 00:14:50,347 - What is this? - That's the facial scrub. 288 00:14:50,432 --> 00:14:52,600 It scrubs off, like, dead layers of skin. 289 00:14:52,683 --> 00:14:54,019 Ah. 290 00:14:54,101 --> 00:14:57,897 I use my wife dead skin to make a wallet. 291 00:14:57,980 --> 00:14:59,399 Okay. 292 00:14:59,481 --> 00:15:00,692 Uh... 293 00:15:01,900 --> 00:15:04,361 This from my wife dead skin. 294 00:15:04,446 --> 00:15:06,865 She's still taking all my money. 295 00:15:06,947 --> 00:15:08,575 Yes? 296 00:15:08,658 --> 00:15:11,702 So, you take it, and it, like, for the face, to wash. 297 00:15:11,785 --> 00:15:13,746 - Oh. - Yeah. 298 00:15:13,830 --> 00:15:17,082 - And to put it on my cunt? - No. 299 00:15:17,167 --> 00:15:18,960 - Daddy, Daddy! - These are more for the lips. 300 00:15:19,043 --> 00:15:20,961 Monkey's cock. 301 00:15:21,046 --> 00:15:22,588 Don't... 302 00:15:22,672 --> 00:15:24,423 - Delicious. - That is not to eat. 303 00:15:24,506 --> 00:15:26,842 - No, no, no. - These are not to eat. They're not to eat. 304 00:15:26,926 --> 00:15:28,135 - They're makeup products. - Delicious. 305 00:15:28,219 --> 00:15:30,096 - It's nice? - It's my favorite part. 306 00:15:30,179 --> 00:15:31,764 It's not a food. 307 00:15:31,847 --> 00:15:32,849 It's not food. 308 00:15:32,932 --> 00:15:34,517 And what flavor this one? 309 00:15:34,600 --> 00:15:37,062 - Can I try? - It's not a flavor. 310 00:15:37,144 --> 00:15:38,647 - Also... - Hmm. 311 00:15:38,730 --> 00:15:40,105 It's not so nice. 312 00:15:40,190 --> 00:15:41,816 It's not food. I told you that. 313 00:15:41,899 --> 00:15:43,692 No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. 314 00:15:43,777 --> 00:15:45,861 You must share. You must share. 315 00:15:45,945 --> 00:15:48,322 That's not a drink. That's perfume. 316 00:15:48,405 --> 00:15:50,366 Mmm. 317 00:15:50,450 --> 00:15:52,661 - It, uh, good for the... - No. 318 00:15:52,744 --> 00:15:54,328 That's perfume. You don't drink that. 319 00:15:54,412 --> 00:15:57,289 Let's come look at this makeup over here. 320 00:16:01,628 --> 00:16:03,922 - What'd you put on your face? - Monkey cock. 321 00:16:16,100 --> 00:16:18,477 Uh, what your name? 322 00:16:18,561 --> 00:16:20,813 - Jeanise. - Jeanise, nice meet you. 323 00:16:20,897 --> 00:16:22,440 Nice meeting you. 324 00:16:22,524 --> 00:16:25,275 She is currently virgin. 325 00:16:25,360 --> 00:16:27,611 - Mm-hmm. - I prefer you keep her this way. 326 00:16:27,696 --> 00:16:31,032 Oh, she'll be that way. I mean, I have nothing to do with that. 327 00:16:31,115 --> 00:16:34,786 In regarding her hymen, you break it, you pay. 328 00:16:34,869 --> 00:16:36,913 We're not gonna break it. 329 00:16:36,995 --> 00:16:38,498 Ah, good. 330 00:16:38,581 --> 00:16:41,668 Uh, there are some instructions for her, too. 331 00:16:41,750 --> 00:16:43,836 What kind of instructions? 332 00:16:45,212 --> 00:16:48,173 This, uh, daughter instruction manual. 333 00:16:48,258 --> 00:16:50,969 It, uh, tell you everything you need to know 334 00:16:51,052 --> 00:16:54,514 about, uh, caring for daughter. 335 00:16:54,596 --> 00:16:57,100 It show you how to feed the daughter. 336 00:16:57,182 --> 00:17:00,061 Um, how to drill safely in her head. 337 00:17:00,144 --> 00:17:04,148 There's a section on discipline and witchcraft. 338 00:17:04,231 --> 00:17:07,986 So, if suddenly she act strange, and you think she a witch, 339 00:17:08,068 --> 00:17:10,363 please try to contact me before burning her. 340 00:17:10,446 --> 00:17:12,323 - Thank you. - Oh. Okay. 341 00:17:12,406 --> 00:17:13,700 She won't get burned. 342 00:17:13,782 --> 00:17:16,201 Also, if she go outside, 343 00:17:16,286 --> 00:17:19,204 uh, then put the blinders on, 344 00:17:19,288 --> 00:17:23,041 uh, so that she do not get confused if she see things. 345 00:17:23,125 --> 00:17:25,795 This what you put on a horse or something, isn't it? 346 00:17:25,878 --> 00:17:28,589 No, no. This is not what you put on a horse. 347 00:17:28,673 --> 00:17:30,008 This is for a daughter. 348 00:17:30,090 --> 00:17:33,720 So, your wife is treated similar to her? 349 00:17:33,802 --> 00:17:35,262 No! 350 00:17:35,346 --> 00:17:39,183 My wife is, um, well, uh... 351 00:17:39,267 --> 00:17:41,603 she is run away with my neighbor, 352 00:17:41,685 --> 00:17:43,104 Nosuk-Tong Toli-Akbar. 353 00:17:43,188 --> 00:17:45,190 So, eh... 354 00:17:45,272 --> 00:17:47,650 Him and her, they make a sexy time. 355 00:17:47,733 --> 00:17:49,652 You know, it's very sad. 356 00:17:49,736 --> 00:17:51,195 So, you just got your daughter by... 357 00:17:51,278 --> 00:17:52,780 She just left her daughter? 358 00:17:52,864 --> 00:17:54,949 Yes. It's not her daughter. 359 00:17:55,032 --> 00:17:57,786 - Her mother, uh... dead. - Oh. Okay. 360 00:17:57,868 --> 00:18:01,122 - High five! - No! I'm not gonna high-five that. 361 00:18:01,205 --> 00:18:02,915 So, before I leave, 362 00:18:02,999 --> 00:18:05,919 this just show if there is any damage. 363 00:18:06,001 --> 00:18:10,423 Uh, she currently have, uh, 2,814 hair on pubis. 364 00:18:10,507 --> 00:18:13,134 Uh, please leave it. It very valuable. 365 00:18:13,218 --> 00:18:15,345 Uh, I'm not gonna touch that. 366 00:18:15,428 --> 00:18:17,971 Thank you. So, you can sign here, please. 367 00:18:20,892 --> 00:18:24,770 When I'm making travelings with my daughter in U.S. and A, 368 00:18:24,854 --> 00:18:26,522 I visit a lady to learn 369 00:18:26,605 --> 00:18:29,692 how Tutar must behave at debutante ball, 370 00:18:29,776 --> 00:18:32,569 which is the political correct name for 371 00:18:32,653 --> 00:18:35,405 "special underage girl market." 372 00:18:35,490 --> 00:18:37,282 Mmm. 373 00:18:37,366 --> 00:18:39,117 Hi. How are you today? 374 00:18:39,201 --> 00:18:41,162 Good. Cliff. Cliff Safari. 375 00:18:41,246 --> 00:18:43,413 And my name is Dr. Jeanie. 376 00:18:43,498 --> 00:18:45,666 It's so nice to meet you today. 377 00:18:45,750 --> 00:18:47,376 My daughter, Miss Ellie, 378 00:18:47,460 --> 00:18:51,256 I need to get her ready for ball. 379 00:18:51,338 --> 00:18:53,423 So, the thing about it is, 380 00:18:53,508 --> 00:18:56,594 we want to get your daughter all prepared 381 00:18:56,677 --> 00:19:00,265 by showing her the right kinds of things to do. 382 00:19:00,347 --> 00:19:02,599 Should she wear jewelries? 383 00:19:02,683 --> 00:19:05,019 If so, something simple. 384 00:19:05,103 --> 00:19:07,271 A man yesterday, 385 00:19:07,355 --> 00:19:09,606 he say he would give me jewelry. 386 00:19:09,691 --> 00:19:12,026 He say he will give me 387 00:19:12,109 --> 00:19:14,945 uh, gold shower. 388 00:19:15,028 --> 00:19:17,281 And I go to his hotel room 389 00:19:17,365 --> 00:19:19,491 to get this gold, 390 00:19:19,576 --> 00:19:22,244 but he did not give me the gold. 391 00:19:22,327 --> 00:19:25,455 Instead, he just make, uh, urination. 392 00:19:25,539 --> 00:19:27,834 Uh, some of it got on me. 393 00:19:29,126 --> 00:19:31,671 But I say, "Where the jewelry?" 394 00:19:31,753 --> 00:19:34,590 And he don't give me any jewelry. 395 00:19:34,673 --> 00:19:36,800 - Why? - Oh, my goodness. 396 00:19:36,884 --> 00:19:41,681 For one thing, you should never have gone to his hotel room. 397 00:19:41,763 --> 00:19:45,058 Why not? He said that he would shower me with gold. 398 00:19:45,143 --> 00:19:47,895 This man, I don't know what he did in that room with you. 399 00:19:47,979 --> 00:19:50,815 - This is wrong. - Just a bit of urination. 400 00:19:50,898 --> 00:19:53,276 But some of it got on me by accident. 401 00:19:53,358 --> 00:19:55,903 I clean it off. I said, "No problems." 402 00:19:55,987 --> 00:19:58,990 But he say if I go there tonight, 403 00:19:59,073 --> 00:20:02,701 he will give me a necklace made of pearl. 404 00:20:02,785 --> 00:20:06,247 Don't you ever go in that man's room again. You hear me? 405 00:20:06,330 --> 00:20:08,833 If you see him in the hallway, ignore him. 406 00:20:08,916 --> 00:20:11,376 - Yes. But he's such friendly face. - I don't care. 407 00:20:11,461 --> 00:20:13,796 - He's smiling all the time. - I don't care. I don't care. 408 00:20:13,880 --> 00:20:16,257 That man is evil. 409 00:20:16,340 --> 00:20:18,593 This man is ex-criminal? 410 00:20:19,635 --> 00:20:22,096 - No. - Harry Potter. 411 00:20:22,180 --> 00:20:24,097 What is this machine? 412 00:20:24,182 --> 00:20:25,474 It's a vacuum for a house. 413 00:20:25,557 --> 00:20:27,268 Uh, can you show me how it workings? 414 00:20:29,228 --> 00:20:30,355 Ah. 415 00:20:30,438 --> 00:20:32,065 What happen if I press this? 416 00:20:32,147 --> 00:20:33,857 - It turns on. - What this thing? 417 00:20:36,693 --> 00:20:39,029 Uh, uh... 418 00:20:40,990 --> 00:20:42,991 Um... 419 00:20:43,076 --> 00:20:46,287 Good. I will take, uh, the phone, please, 420 00:20:46,371 --> 00:20:48,580 - that I purchased. - Okay. 421 00:20:52,585 --> 00:20:56,422 Kazakhstan have thriving movie industry for infants. 422 00:20:56,506 --> 00:20:58,924 We were first nation in Central Asia 423 00:20:59,008 --> 00:21:02,053 to make a live-action version of Dumbo, 424 00:21:02,135 --> 00:21:05,263 where we used a tractor to push an elephant off a cliff 425 00:21:05,347 --> 00:21:08,017 to see if it would fly. 426 00:21:08,101 --> 00:21:09,894 It did not. 427 00:21:09,978 --> 00:21:11,980 But it was not all bad 428 00:21:12,063 --> 00:21:14,941 since elephant landed on Jewish wedding. 429 00:21:15,023 --> 00:21:18,111 We also make many cartoons. 430 00:21:18,193 --> 00:21:20,863 Here is one for girls. 431 00:21:26,911 --> 00:21:28,746 Once upon a time, 432 00:21:28,829 --> 00:21:31,457 there was a lowly peasant girl called Melania 433 00:21:31,540 --> 00:21:33,542 from shithole country Slovenia 434 00:21:33,625 --> 00:21:37,171 who dreamed of marrying a rich, old man. 435 00:21:38,923 --> 00:21:41,800 One day, she was invited to a grand ball 436 00:21:41,884 --> 00:21:44,761 thrown by fat King Donald. 437 00:21:44,846 --> 00:21:49,307 At the ball, when fat King Donald saw Melania, 438 00:21:49,392 --> 00:21:53,770 he became more turgid than he'd ever been before. 439 00:21:55,565 --> 00:21:58,817 So, he grabbed her vagine. 440 00:22:04,198 --> 00:22:05,907 But then, on the stroke of midnight, 441 00:22:05,991 --> 00:22:08,452 - Melania disappeared. 442 00:22:13,124 --> 00:22:16,501 Fat King Donald searched his kingdom far and wide, 443 00:22:16,586 --> 00:22:19,212 grabbing the vagines of every young maiden. 444 00:22:27,805 --> 00:22:30,892 Until, at last, he found 445 00:22:30,974 --> 00:22:33,935 the one that perfectly fitted his hand. 446 00:22:36,021 --> 00:22:40,067 They married and put her in the most beautiful golden cage 447 00:22:40,151 --> 00:22:43,653 at the top of the highest tower in all of America, 448 00:22:43,738 --> 00:22:46,782 where they lived happily ever after. 449 00:22:52,622 --> 00:22:54,664 Thank you for watching. 450 00:22:54,749 --> 00:22:58,711 By the way, Mayor Giuliani, I feel guilty. 451 00:22:58,795 --> 00:23:03,298 Because of me, you are unable to violate my daughter. 452 00:23:03,382 --> 00:23:07,636 And the only liquid release you have had was from your hair. 453 00:23:07,720 --> 00:23:11,598 So, next time you are in region searching for laptops, 454 00:23:11,682 --> 00:23:16,394 please visit me and my sister for hand and mouth party. 455 00:23:16,479 --> 00:23:18,230 Chenqui. 32514

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