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This programme contains adult humour.
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You've done nothing
about the wedding.
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Have you done anything for this
wedding? I've done everything.
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You'll love it. Here we have...
Jonny cake! Jonny flowers!
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Jonfetti!
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00:00:13,360 --> 00:00:15,720
I can't wait to see Donna's face!
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give me a drink
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with bubbles in it
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00:00:33,920 --> 00:00:38,640
anything stronger now
Just think I'll wait a while
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00:00:50,240 --> 00:00:52,120
Well, you look beautiful...
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That's it, in ten minutes' time
I will officially own you.
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You're my be-atch.
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My beautiful be-atch.
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I'm your be-atch.
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I'm looking forward to this,
you know, Gaz.
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We've been through a lot, I wasn't
sure we'd get here... Yeah, I know,
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sat-nav's shit!
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Gaz, that's a calculator.
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Listen... I just wanted to say
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that I'm really happy
to be marrying you, Gaz Wilkinson.
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Me too, Donna in-a-minute Wilkinson.
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And I know I said I wasn't bothered
about the actual wedding, but I am.
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Thank you, Gaz.
I know this is going to be a day
I remember for the rest of my life.
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Oh, I think it's pretty safe
to say it will be.
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You've been amazing, Gaz.
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OK? Bouquet!
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Oh.
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Oh.
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Let it go, eh? Yeah. Shall we?
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Wedding March
by Mendelssohn
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Donna,
please just try and stay calm.
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It's our special day.
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What the hell...
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..is going on?
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Oh, Donna! I'm so happy for you!
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Thank you for letting me
help with the wedding!
It really took my mind off Jonny.
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Yes, I can see that.
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Ladies and gentlemen, we are
gathered here today to celebrate
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the marriage of Gary Wilkinson
and Donna Louise Henshaw.
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It is a day to rejoice.
A day to celebrate love, happiness.
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And obviously Jonny Keogh.
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Donna, don't. I'm sorry.
But will you look at this place?!
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What is this? Donna...please.
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Let's just get through the ceremony.
That's the important part.
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I love you.
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Us being married
is what's important. Not all this,
all these decorations.
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I'm so sorry,
I might have got carried away.
I just want you and Gaz to be happy.
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You're right.
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I'm sorry. We've got the rest
of our lives, this is just one day,
so please carry on.
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OK. Gary Wilkinson,
do you take Donna Louise Henshaw
to be your lawful wedded wife?
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To have and to hold,
in sickness and in health,
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for richer for poorer,
until death do you part? I do.
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And do you, Jonny, take... What?!
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I can't believe Donna! I'm grieving,
I shouldn't be spoken to like that.
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She said it was a pantomime!
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She called me Widow Skanky.
And she ripped my beautiful dress.
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There were tits
literally everywhere. Everywhere.
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Yeah, maybe I should have warned you
it wouldn't go down well.
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But it was too funny.
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You knew?! You knew
it was going to end in disaster?
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Yeah, I know! Donna's face!
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00:04:36,440 --> 00:04:38,840
That must be the first secret
you've ever kept in your life.
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00:04:38,840 --> 00:04:43,400
You're less discreet than
an incontinence pad under leggings.
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And I should know.
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What are you blabbering on about?
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I've kept loads of secrets.
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00:04:50,280 --> 00:04:53,960
Like that time my friend Karen
from uni was having an affair
with our married tutor.
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You told his wife.
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00:04:57,400 --> 00:04:59,720
Even so, Karen didn't hold a grudge.
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She said so in her suicide note.
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Fine. Forever more,
I won't tell even one little secret.
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It was bad, wasn't it?
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I really went a bit far
with the Jonny theme. You're
completely obsessed with him!
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It's not like you were married
or anything.
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Yes, we were.
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Well, it wasn't that serious
or anything.
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We have a child.
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But you're right. I need to move on.
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Why don't you get rid of his stuff?
Do you think that'd help?
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Dunno.
But I need more wardrobe space.
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00:05:34,360 --> 00:05:37,440
You can start with this box
of his old love letters. No!
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00:05:37,440 --> 00:05:40,360
Shouldn't I keep these
to remember him by?
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His tender words of love, like
"blow hole" and "chuff ring".
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00:05:44,280 --> 00:05:47,760
You don't need material possessions
to remind you of Jonny,
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you've got that rash.
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Oh, my God!
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What? Nothing.
I was startled by those.
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Why?
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It's a secret! Ha! Fine.
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00:06:02,720 --> 00:06:08,280
I'll get some of his stuff together
for the charity shop. He had loads
of precious things people can use.
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His flannel, his toothbrush.
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That candle he made
from Corinthian's ear wax.
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Can't keep a secret, indeed.
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00:06:16,920 --> 00:06:21,960
Well, Corinthian,
they're not finding out from me
who your real father is.
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What's up with you? I've got TB.
It might be catching, so move away.
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00:06:36,240 --> 00:06:38,720
No, I meant to, like, Bootle.
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00:06:39,720 --> 00:06:44,440
That's it. That's the last
angry wank you're gonna give me.
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The poor thing looks like
a newborn mole.
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Well, I'm in a mood.
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I was thinking about me and Janet
the whole time. Ooh!
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Don't say it, Gaz.
She must be completely insane!
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I feel for her,
but enough is enough.
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00:06:59,960 --> 00:07:03,600
Donna, why don't you
just bury the hatchet?
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00:07:03,600 --> 00:07:08,600
If Jonny's death has taught us
anything, apart from
try not to get eaten by a shark,
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it's that life is too short
for silly arguments.
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You're right. I'll speak to her.
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00:07:13,800 --> 00:07:18,200
It's weird, innit? I wore this suit
for Jonny's wedding,
and now he's dead.
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00:07:18,200 --> 00:07:23,120
I don't think your suit
had anything to do with it.
It's polyester, not Kryptonite.
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I'm just saying,
it makes you realise,
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you never know when
that big beardy bastard in the sky
will come after you.
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Richard Branson?
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00:07:34,480 --> 00:07:36,400
Jonny's death made me think.
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I should try and do the things that
I want to do while I've still got
a chance. Gaz, how many more times?
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Rabbis are not collectors' items.
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00:07:46,120 --> 00:07:50,600
No, I'm gonna make a list
of three things
I really want to do before I die.
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00:07:50,600 --> 00:07:52,680
Is it the Sugababes?
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Six things that
I really want to do before I die.
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00:08:04,080 --> 00:08:06,640
Jonny was so very fashionable.
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00:08:06,640 --> 00:08:09,920
He was the first person in Runcorn
to have dreadlocks.
120
00:08:09,920 --> 00:08:12,080
I did tell him to trim his pubes.
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00:08:13,600 --> 00:08:16,000
He nicknamed the area "The Fugees".
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That's lovely, Janet,
but this place is not helping me
keep my very important secret.
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00:08:21,040 --> 00:08:23,520
The walls have hearing aids.
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00:08:25,280 --> 00:08:27,280
Has Donna said something about me?
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She has, hasn't she?
Normally, I would tell you,
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but as you seem to think
I'm untrustworthy,
I'm keeping this to myself.
127
00:08:33,800 --> 00:08:35,960
Janet, Louise texted me
to say you'd be here.
128
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Can't even keep that to yourself.
Actually I have
a massive, massive secret
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that I'm not going to tell you.
I just... It truly is enormous!
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00:08:42,920 --> 00:08:45,720
I wanted to say...
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ska-a-urgh.
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Ska-a-a-urgh?
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00:08:51,640 --> 00:08:53,760
No, I wanted to tell you
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00:08:53,760 --> 00:08:56,400
that I ga-a-argh.
Oh, I can't say it!
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00:09:00,600 --> 00:09:03,080
What is that?
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00:09:03,080 --> 00:09:05,480
Jonny's favourite butt-plug.
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Woo!
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00:09:15,920 --> 00:09:17,920
Married sex is brilliant!
139
00:09:17,920 --> 00:09:22,080
No wonder Judy Finnigan
looks so knackered all the time.
140
00:09:22,080 --> 00:09:25,760
And may I just say,
my beautiful bride...
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Thank you for letting me
take you up the aisle.
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00:09:29,800 --> 00:09:33,400
And for helping me tick
the first thing off my list.
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00:09:33,400 --> 00:09:35,760
What? Make love to your new bride
on our wedding night?
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No, gay-lord!
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00:09:39,120 --> 00:09:41,440
To star in my own porno!
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Come out now, Munch!
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Hiyaaaa!
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00:09:46,280 --> 00:09:48,480
You filmed us having sex?!
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00:09:48,480 --> 00:09:51,280
I thought I could hear coughing!
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00:09:51,280 --> 00:09:53,920
That's why you're wearing make-up.
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That's one of the reasons.
Aren't you chuffed?
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You've been the star
of Here Bums The Bride!
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This is the happiest day of my life.
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That was the naughtiest thing
I ever did watch.
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I've never seen anyone open
a jar of Branston like that before.
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00:10:09,760 --> 00:10:11,960
Get out!
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00:10:14,920 --> 00:10:18,720
Donna, number one on my list
was to become a porn star.
158
00:10:18,720 --> 00:10:22,320
You really object to me achieving
a lifelong ambition? For shame.
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00:10:22,320 --> 00:10:26,040
What?! And you've still not
made up with Janet! For shame.
160
00:10:26,040 --> 00:10:28,280
I tried, I couldn't!
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00:10:28,280 --> 00:10:33,440
I couldn't speak! You've practically
ignored her since Jonny died -
what's the matter with you?
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Cos I'm scared.
I can't talk to her any more.
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00:10:35,840 --> 00:10:37,600
I can only go "thu-u-urgh".
164
00:10:37,600 --> 00:10:40,640
Since Jonny died, it's like...
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00:10:43,000 --> 00:10:45,520
Listen, when my mum died,
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it was the bleakest time of my life.
My heart actually hurt. I thought
I was going to die from the pain.
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00:10:50,680 --> 00:10:53,120
Why didn't you tell me?
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00:10:53,120 --> 00:10:57,360
Because, as I recall, you were busy
stuffing yourself up my best friend.
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00:11:02,080 --> 00:11:04,960
Point taken.
And to revisit those times,
170
00:11:04,960 --> 00:11:09,320
to see Janet
go through so much worse.
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00:11:09,320 --> 00:11:11,480
It's like...
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00:11:11,480 --> 00:11:13,320
If you died...
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00:11:13,320 --> 00:11:15,720
You know, your husband...
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I can't take it. I understand.
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00:11:18,320 --> 00:11:21,600
I am marvellous.
176
00:11:21,600 --> 00:11:24,960
But you've got to try
and get through this.
177
00:11:24,960 --> 00:11:27,960
Try and get used to it,
spend some time around death,
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00:11:27,960 --> 00:11:30,440
in an abattoir
179
00:11:30,440 --> 00:11:34,560
or one of Runcorn's popular
suicide hot spots.
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00:11:34,560 --> 00:11:37,560
Maybe I could work
in that charity shop.
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00:11:37,560 --> 00:11:41,000
That's full of decrepit old farts
not long for the world.
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00:11:41,000 --> 00:11:44,240
They'd help me see that death rules!
That's the spirit!
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00:11:44,240 --> 00:11:46,800
You know, one day you'll make
someone a lovely husband.
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00:11:46,800 --> 00:11:50,080
Is it today? Yes. Yes! Come here.
185
00:11:51,840 --> 00:11:56,360
Now, I've only got two things
on my list left to do!
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00:11:56,360 --> 00:12:00,000
Next, I'm gonna drive the car
of my dreams - a Ford Mondeo...
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00:12:00,000 --> 00:12:01,880
Oooh!
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00:12:01,880 --> 00:12:05,680
And then I'm gonna cure
my phobia of...you know, them.
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00:12:07,000 --> 00:12:08,960
SHE BLEATS
190
00:12:21,320 --> 00:12:24,440
Dead Jonny, I found your letter
from the hospital.
191
00:12:24,440 --> 00:12:29,160
I know you had a DNA test done
on Corinthian!
And I know you're not his dad,
192
00:12:29,160 --> 00:12:32,280
but I promise I won't tell anyone.
Well, apart from you.
193
00:12:32,280 --> 00:12:34,520
But you're made of concrete.
194
00:12:36,680 --> 00:12:40,880
Wow, I feel so much better now.
195
00:12:40,880 --> 00:12:44,320
Thanks so much for helping us out,
Donna.
196
00:12:44,320 --> 00:12:46,400
We don't get many volunteers.
197
00:12:46,400 --> 00:12:49,920
Thank YOU! You're really helping me
get desensitised to death,
198
00:12:49,920 --> 00:12:53,480
being old, probably ill,
rotting away on the inside.
199
00:12:53,480 --> 00:12:56,800
DOOR OPENS
I'm healthy as the day!
200
00:12:56,800 --> 00:12:59,200
CHOKING
Unlike this poor chap.
201
00:12:59,200 --> 00:13:02,040
All right, Donna.
What are you doing here?
202
00:13:02,040 --> 00:13:03,880
Have I gone to the pub by mistake?
203
00:13:03,880 --> 00:13:07,120
It's this bloody sat-nav
Gaz sold me.
204
00:13:07,120 --> 00:13:09,960
It just says "boobies".
205
00:13:09,960 --> 00:13:13,640
Munch, you should be in bed.
I'll have a look while I'm here.
206
00:13:13,640 --> 00:13:15,720
Who died?
207
00:13:15,720 --> 00:13:17,200
How much is this?
208
00:13:17,200 --> 00:13:20,280
Just take it! Don't touch anything
else - I don't want your germs.
209
00:13:20,280 --> 00:13:23,120
Wicked! That means I've got
enough left for that hedgehog.
210
00:13:23,120 --> 00:13:26,760
I won't starve tonight! See ya.
Hiya, Janet. Hi, Munch.
211
00:13:26,760 --> 00:13:29,000
Hello, Donna.
212
00:13:29,000 --> 00:13:33,520
Janet, I've been thinking. I've not
been the most supportive friend.
213
00:13:33,520 --> 00:13:35,240
It's just...
214
00:13:35,240 --> 00:13:38,920
It's grief - it reminds me
of what I went through and...
215
00:13:38,920 --> 00:13:42,440
..I don't think I ever grieved
properly for my mum's death,
216
00:13:42,440 --> 00:13:46,080
and death...gets to me.
217
00:13:47,440 --> 00:13:49,760
Can you understand?
218
00:13:49,760 --> 00:13:54,200
Death gets to you?! You think
your mum dying is comparable
to what I've been through?
219
00:13:54,200 --> 00:13:58,840
Well, yeah. There was people wearing
black, and a coffin, a big fire -
220
00:13:58,840 --> 00:14:00,680
the situations are pretty similar.
221
00:14:00,680 --> 00:14:02,680
They are not!
They're completely different!
222
00:14:02,680 --> 00:14:05,680
You lost a parent. You expect to
lose those, they die all the time.
223
00:14:05,680 --> 00:14:10,280
You don't expect to lose
your husband at this age,
with a baby to look after!
224
00:14:10,280 --> 00:14:13,200
Well, I'm sorry. I just thought...
Well, you thought wrong.
225
00:14:13,200 --> 00:14:17,520
I hope you never have to go through
what I'm going through. I couldn't
give a shit how sorry you are.
226
00:14:17,520 --> 00:14:20,280
You're both a cad and a scoundrel.
Good day.
227
00:14:20,280 --> 00:14:23,480
Don't you go 18th century
on my arse!
228
00:14:23,480 --> 00:14:26,080
I can't believe
I'm being insulted by a woman
229
00:14:26,080 --> 00:14:28,560
who once had sex
with a Turkey Twizzler!
230
00:14:28,560 --> 00:14:31,240
Keep your voice down!
231
00:14:31,240 --> 00:14:34,840
I don't want Jamie Oliver finding
out. And yeah, I know Jonny's dead.
232
00:14:34,840 --> 00:14:38,040
And I know it's really sad,
but for God's sake....
233
00:14:38,040 --> 00:14:40,600
I'm grieving!
Oh, you're always grieving.
234
00:14:40,600 --> 00:14:43,280
Yes! Because my husband is dead.
235
00:14:43,280 --> 00:14:46,560
Well, cope then. Cope!
That's what I did.
236
00:14:46,560 --> 00:14:49,880
Can't cope. Do you understand?
I can't.
237
00:14:51,800 --> 00:14:56,880
Don't worry, love. You'll
make it up. I don't care about her.
238
00:14:56,880 --> 00:14:59,480
It's just that charity work
is so overwhelming.
239
00:14:59,480 --> 00:15:01,800
Aw. There, there.
240
00:15:01,800 --> 00:15:04,840
Don't you touch me
with your hands of death!
241
00:15:04,840 --> 00:15:08,000
Death is just a part of life, Donna.
242
00:15:08,000 --> 00:15:09,960
You would say that,
243
00:15:09,960 --> 00:15:12,720
dead gran walking.
244
00:15:12,720 --> 00:15:15,640
You're too sensitive, dear.
245
00:15:15,640 --> 00:15:20,040
Why do you think there were so few
suicides during the war, Donna?
246
00:15:20,040 --> 00:15:25,320
Because we shut off our emotions
and just got on with it.
Didn't let things get to us.
247
00:15:25,320 --> 00:15:28,840
That, and the fact that,
faced with impending doom,
248
00:15:28,840 --> 00:15:31,520
we were more inclined to try anal.
249
00:15:34,480 --> 00:15:36,600
You're right.
250
00:15:36,600 --> 00:15:41,000
I can shrug off my emotions.
I can just carry on stony-faced.
251
00:15:42,840 --> 00:15:44,880
And we already know
252
00:15:44,880 --> 00:15:46,960
you can do anal.
253
00:15:51,840 --> 00:15:53,480
Bitch!
254
00:15:53,480 --> 00:15:54,920
Slag!
255
00:15:56,520 --> 00:15:59,920
No, Gaz, not you. You know,
I've had it with friendship.
256
00:15:59,920 --> 00:16:02,080
I need to find myself a man.
257
00:16:02,080 --> 00:16:06,000
Do you? Yeah, I do. I'm lonely.
258
00:16:06,000 --> 00:16:09,480
I want to part of a couple again,
feel a man's arms around me.
259
00:16:09,480 --> 00:16:14,840
I've got arms. Yes, you do, Gaz.
Very nice arms.
260
00:16:14,840 --> 00:16:18,400
Two of them, in fact.
But you are married. And so is Tim.
261
00:16:18,400 --> 00:16:21,520
Alas! I've not been able
to satisfy Helena
262
00:16:21,520 --> 00:16:24,600
since she watched
Warrior Princess.
263
00:16:24,600 --> 00:16:27,360
So that leaves me with Arthur...
264
00:16:29,720 --> 00:16:33,080
..or Gary from the chip shop.
He's only got one eye.
265
00:16:33,080 --> 00:16:36,720
He puts a pickled onion in the
empty socket for special occasions.
266
00:16:37,720 --> 00:16:40,280
CORINTHIAN CRIES
Hey, it's OK.
267
00:16:40,280 --> 00:16:46,200
He's been like this all day.
Nothing's settling him.
It's like he's possessed or...
268
00:16:46,200 --> 00:16:48,360
CRYING STOPS
Oh!
269
00:16:48,360 --> 00:16:49,920
Dadda!
270
00:16:49,920 --> 00:16:51,480
Aw! I love babies, me.
271
00:16:51,480 --> 00:16:55,080
They make me feel better
about my own tendency to slobber.
272
00:16:55,080 --> 00:16:56,640
Do you like my new tracky?
273
00:16:56,640 --> 00:16:59,120
It really suits you.
274
00:16:59,120 --> 00:17:00,760
You look so...
275
00:17:00,760 --> 00:17:02,440
..long.
276
00:17:02,440 --> 00:17:04,600
And you smell so...
277
00:17:04,600 --> 00:17:10,080
..strong. Munch, would you like
to come back to ours for some tea?
278
00:17:10,080 --> 00:17:12,360
You what?! You can't be serious!
279
00:17:12,360 --> 00:17:16,360
You'll have to chew everything
for him first! Have a drink with me!
280
00:17:16,360 --> 00:17:21,360
Look, Gaz, I know it sounds crazy
but I never noticed before
just how...
281
00:17:21,360 --> 00:17:23,680
He's so much like Jonny.
282
00:17:23,680 --> 00:17:26,480
Fish finger butties all right,
Munch?
283
00:17:26,480 --> 00:17:29,440
Brilliant! Omega 3!
284
00:17:29,440 --> 00:17:30,960
You can have me takeaway.
285
00:17:39,520 --> 00:17:44,920
Right, well, I'm off to drive
the car of my dreams.
Is that a dead hedgehog?
286
00:17:44,920 --> 00:17:47,200
Nope, a Ford Mondeo.
287
00:17:49,120 --> 00:17:53,640
It's a Ford Mondeo!
Let this baby rip! Come on!
288
00:17:59,480 --> 00:18:01,080
SQUELCH!
289
00:18:05,280 --> 00:18:06,640
No emotion.
290
00:18:06,640 --> 00:18:08,520
Cool and calm.
291
00:18:08,520 --> 00:18:10,520
Oh, my God, is this dog shit?!
292
00:18:10,520 --> 00:18:12,560
Yes, it is, cool and calm.
293
00:18:17,720 --> 00:18:19,280
No emotion.
294
00:18:21,240 --> 00:18:22,640
Donna! Shit!
295
00:18:43,720 --> 00:18:46,800
Hello, hubby.
Are you all right, love?
296
00:18:46,800 --> 00:18:48,760
Yes, I'm very well, thank you.
297
00:18:50,480 --> 00:18:52,800
I was achieving my dreams.
298
00:18:52,800 --> 00:18:54,680
I've done all three now.
299
00:18:54,680 --> 00:18:58,360
I've done porno, driven a Mondeo...
But what about...
300
00:18:58,360 --> 00:19:00,120
BAA-AA-AAA!
301
00:19:02,080 --> 00:19:03,440
Good day.
302
00:19:05,720 --> 00:19:07,680
I've done everything!
303
00:19:07,680 --> 00:19:11,000
Porn, car, sheep.
I don't feel satisfied.
304
00:19:12,400 --> 00:19:14,040
Help me out, Donna.
305
00:19:14,040 --> 00:19:19,680
Well, would it be viable and indeed
welcome for me to posit my feelings
on this existential dilemma?
306
00:19:19,680 --> 00:19:21,600
Go on.
307
00:19:21,600 --> 00:19:23,600
Er-r-r-r-bleugh.
308
00:19:26,480 --> 00:19:30,480
Also, I have to wax my top lip,
309
00:19:30,480 --> 00:19:34,040
otherwise I'm like Magnum PI,
310
00:19:34,040 --> 00:19:37,120
as played by Tom Selleck.
311
00:19:37,120 --> 00:19:39,720
Keeping secrets with you is such
fun!
312
00:19:39,720 --> 00:19:43,160
And don't worry,
I'll never spill about Corinthian...
313
00:19:44,240 --> 00:19:48,640
Hi, Louise!
I've got a date, so can you...
SHE WHISTLES
314
00:19:48,640 --> 00:19:50,720
Of course I can whistle.
315
00:19:52,880 --> 00:19:54,880
Don't worry, it's only TB.
316
00:19:55,960 --> 00:19:59,240
God! TB! That's awful!
317
00:19:59,240 --> 00:20:02,800
There's a very important little
person in the room, Munch -
318
00:20:02,800 --> 00:20:05,080
me!
319
00:20:05,080 --> 00:20:11,080
It's really nice to get to know you
a bit better, Munch. I've missed
having a man around the house.
320
00:20:11,080 --> 00:20:14,880
Louise has that moustache
she thinks we don't know about,
but it's not the same.
321
00:20:14,880 --> 00:20:17,240
I've not been on many dates before.
322
00:20:17,240 --> 00:20:19,520
I'm not very good
at talking to girls.
323
00:20:19,520 --> 00:20:22,200
Aw! Is it the phlegm?
Do you get embarrassed?
324
00:20:22,200 --> 00:20:23,840
No, I get erect.
325
00:20:23,840 --> 00:20:26,160
I'm banned from the swimming baths.
326
00:20:26,160 --> 00:20:29,560
And the gym. The cinema. All farms.
327
00:20:29,560 --> 00:20:32,120
Most kennels.
328
00:20:32,120 --> 00:20:35,040
So, you've not had
many girlfriends, then?
329
00:20:35,040 --> 00:20:37,520
No, but I'm experienced.
330
00:20:37,520 --> 00:20:41,200
When I was a kid, I used to practise
kissing with Jenny.
331
00:20:41,200 --> 00:20:43,280
Aw, was Jenny your girlfriend?
332
00:20:43,280 --> 00:20:45,760
My turtle.
333
00:20:45,760 --> 00:20:47,000
And yes.
334
00:20:52,520 --> 00:20:54,760
Ugh, that Vimto's off.
335
00:20:58,680 --> 00:21:01,400
Jonny... I mean, Munch.
336
00:21:05,040 --> 00:21:07,240
Kiss me, you fool!
337
00:21:07,240 --> 00:21:09,000
I don't want to be alone any more.
338
00:21:19,280 --> 00:21:24,160
Donna, do you think I look like
a homosexual gentleman in this top?
339
00:21:24,160 --> 00:21:26,920
Arthur's been making advances.
340
00:21:26,920 --> 00:21:29,920
SHE GRUNTS
What about when I do this?
341
00:21:29,920 --> 00:21:32,000
Step, step, shimmy.
342
00:21:33,640 --> 00:21:36,760
Tim, do you give a shit?
343
00:21:36,760 --> 00:21:38,520
Ooh, you bitch!
344
00:21:38,520 --> 00:21:41,080
You're like Joan Collins in...
345
00:21:41,080 --> 00:21:45,600
..The Bitch.
From now on, I am the Ice Queen.
346
00:21:45,600 --> 00:21:47,640
I no longer have emotions,
347
00:21:47,640 --> 00:21:50,960
like a female Anne Robinson.
Oh, shiver.
348
00:21:50,960 --> 00:21:55,040
And I definitely don't feel bad
about Janet. Nope.
349
00:21:55,040 --> 00:21:59,160
I don't give a shit about anything
any more. Well,
350
00:21:59,160 --> 00:22:03,000
someone's written, "Donna's got
a cock" in the ladies' toilets.
351
00:22:03,000 --> 00:22:05,080
It doesn't matter.
352
00:22:05,080 --> 00:22:09,120
It was me. It doesn't matter.
353
00:22:09,120 --> 00:22:10,640
And I drew a diagram.
354
00:22:11,840 --> 00:22:17,440
It...doesn't...matter.
OK, I'll go and give it boobs,
355
00:22:17,440 --> 00:22:19,080
or not.
356
00:22:20,600 --> 00:22:22,640
Has anybody got any bleach?
357
00:22:22,640 --> 00:22:25,240
Janet's trying to seduce Munch
and he's got TB!
358
00:22:25,240 --> 00:22:28,680
He was coughing all over Corinthian,
it was quite revolting.
359
00:22:28,680 --> 00:22:30,920
Tuberculosis?
360
00:22:30,920 --> 00:22:33,040
That's deadly! Shit!
361
00:22:33,040 --> 00:22:36,640
But what about my secret
that I'm not going to tell you?
362
00:22:36,640 --> 00:22:39,560
Ah, Gaz!
363
00:22:41,080 --> 00:22:43,520
I've completed my list -
364
00:22:43,520 --> 00:22:46,440
I feel just like Schindler.
365
00:22:46,440 --> 00:22:51,680
I've got a secret
but I'm not telling you. For once,
I'm going to do the right thing.
366
00:22:51,680 --> 00:22:54,360
Yes, we already know
you're pregnant.
367
00:22:54,360 --> 00:22:58,120
No! Not that, you meaty thumb-head.
368
00:22:58,120 --> 00:23:01,560
You know, you're so lucky, Louise.
369
00:23:01,560 --> 00:23:05,160
I've just completed a list
of lifelong ambitions,
370
00:23:05,160 --> 00:23:09,600
but all this list has really done
is make me realise the one thing
that I want more than anything
371
00:23:09,600 --> 00:23:12,720
is the one thing I can't have.
372
00:23:12,720 --> 00:23:14,440
Awww.
373
00:23:14,440 --> 00:23:17,440
An afro?
374
00:23:17,440 --> 00:23:20,080
No, Louise.
I'm talking about family.
375
00:23:21,280 --> 00:23:22,960
I just wish I could have a son.
376
00:23:24,480 --> 00:23:28,480
I'd be such a good dad.
It breaks my heart
377
00:23:28,480 --> 00:23:33,160
to think that that's never, ever
going to happen for me.
378
00:23:34,640 --> 00:23:36,400
Mmmmmmm!
379
00:23:41,800 --> 00:23:45,680
Oh, be gentle with me, Munch.
I'm sensitive.
380
00:23:45,680 --> 00:23:48,280
Oi!
381
00:23:48,280 --> 00:23:51,080
Tits first - I'm not a slag.
382
00:23:58,040 --> 00:24:00,840
Oh, God! Are you all right?
Are you having a stroke?
383
00:24:00,840 --> 00:24:02,840
They're like bags of glue.
384
00:24:06,640 --> 00:24:09,680
Janet! Stop! Munch, get out of here!
385
00:24:09,680 --> 00:24:12,400
It's all right.
I've finished anyway.
386
00:24:13,800 --> 00:24:19,360
He's got TB. It's deadly, you could
die, Corinthian could die. What?!
387
00:24:19,360 --> 00:24:22,720
It's tuberculosis, Janet.
What's tuberculosis?
388
00:24:22,720 --> 00:24:24,440
TB, you idiot!
389
00:24:24,440 --> 00:24:27,120
TB means tummy bug.
390
00:24:27,120 --> 00:24:29,800
I've got a bit of a tummy bug.
391
00:24:29,800 --> 00:24:31,960
Oh...
392
00:24:31,960 --> 00:24:36,640
Well, I'll be on my way. Carry on.
Donna, wait. Munch, you can go.
393
00:24:36,640 --> 00:24:38,080
Aww!
394
00:24:38,080 --> 00:24:40,600
I never got me fish fingers.
395
00:24:42,760 --> 00:24:44,320
Oh, yes, I did.
396
00:24:48,840 --> 00:24:53,080
Janet, I'm really sorry
I'm scared of death. Donna,
I'm sorry I ruined your wedding day.
397
00:24:53,080 --> 00:24:55,760
I'm really sorry.
I'm more sorry. I'm sorriest.
398
00:24:55,760 --> 00:24:58,760
Because I just got ubba-sst Jonny.
399
00:24:58,760 --> 00:25:02,360
THEY BOTH SQUEAK INCOMPREHENSIBLY
400
00:25:08,480 --> 00:25:12,480
I've no idea what we're saying
to each other. Me neither.
401
00:25:12,480 --> 00:25:14,960
But I love you, Donna.
I love you too.
402
00:25:14,960 --> 00:25:17,640
And I don't need a man at all.
I need you.
403
00:25:17,640 --> 00:25:20,720
You've been through this with
your mum. I need my best friend.
404
00:25:20,720 --> 00:25:24,680
I'll always be there for you.
I'll help.
405
00:25:24,680 --> 00:25:26,880
Nothing'll come between us again,
OK?
406
00:25:32,000 --> 00:25:35,240
That's so not a good look for you.
407
00:25:35,240 --> 00:25:37,360
I never knew you had a moustache.
408
00:25:37,360 --> 00:25:40,000
DNA test! Jonny not father! Letter.
409
00:25:40,000 --> 00:25:44,960
Hospital. Corinthian yours!
Can't stop talking! Argh!
410
00:25:44,960 --> 00:25:46,880
Does Janet know? No.
411
00:25:46,880 --> 00:25:49,600
I haven't said anything, to anyone.
412
00:25:49,600 --> 00:25:53,000
I wanted to show
I could keep a secret,
413
00:25:53,000 --> 00:25:55,760
and I think I've proven I can.
414
00:25:55,760 --> 00:25:57,560
Ohhhh.
415
00:25:57,560 --> 00:26:00,360
Oh, my God!
416
00:26:00,360 --> 00:26:03,720
This is amazing! I've got a son!
417
00:26:03,720 --> 00:26:06,280
I've got to tell Janet! Oh, Louise!
418
00:26:06,280 --> 00:26:08,840
Suck my semi-functioning balls.
419
00:26:12,280 --> 00:26:14,160
Oh, Corinthian!
420
00:26:14,160 --> 00:26:17,840
You're the best reminder
of your daddy I could possibly have.
421
00:26:17,840 --> 00:26:20,520
Now,
let's light one of Daddy's candles
422
00:26:20,520 --> 00:26:23,800
and fill our home
with the warming scent of ears.
423
00:26:25,960 --> 00:26:27,960
Janet...Janet...
424
00:26:27,960 --> 00:26:31,560
Look, I need to talk to you about
Jonny. No, Gaz, you really don't.
425
00:26:31,560 --> 00:26:35,120
I'm fine. We're fine.
No, no, you don't understand!
426
00:26:35,120 --> 00:26:38,440
Jonny took a test before he died.
Yeah, I know.
427
00:26:38,440 --> 00:26:44,000
Mensa - they turned him down.
But he got in to the Newsround
Press Packers. I was so proud.
428
00:26:44,000 --> 00:26:47,520
No, listen!
Please, Gaz! I'm all right.
429
00:26:47,520 --> 00:26:51,200
I don't need to talk about Jonny
to keep his memory alive.
430
00:26:51,200 --> 00:26:53,480
All I need is Corinthian, his son.
431
00:26:53,480 --> 00:26:58,120
As long as I have him, Jonny
will always be a part of our lives.
432
00:27:00,960 --> 00:27:05,600
Yeah. I'll always be here for him.
And for you.
433
00:27:05,600 --> 00:27:07,640
Aw, thanks, Gaz.
434
00:27:07,640 --> 00:27:09,760
I'll put the kettle on. Yeah.
435
00:27:15,000 --> 00:27:16,480
Hey.
436
00:27:18,720 --> 00:27:21,240
You all right, son?
437
00:27:22,280 --> 00:27:24,200
We're family now.
438
00:27:24,200 --> 00:27:25,520
Yeah.
439
00:27:28,280 --> 00:27:32,280
Suck my semi-functioning balls.
440
00:27:38,360 --> 00:27:40,560
I hereby serve notice
on this property
441
00:27:40,560 --> 00:27:43,160
to begin
repossession proceedings.
442
00:27:43,160 --> 00:27:45,200
I'm going to be on the street,
turning tricks.
443
00:27:45,200 --> 00:27:47,520
She's got a baby!
You can't just turf her out!
444
00:27:47,520 --> 00:27:49,320
I'm going to lose everything.
445
00:27:49,320 --> 00:27:52,400
This is Aiden. Hello...
446
00:27:52,400 --> 00:27:55,240
Do you fancy a spit roast? What?!
447
00:27:55,240 --> 00:27:58,720
Oh, my God, you're an animal,
a pervert! How dare you?!
448
00:27:58,720 --> 00:28:00,760
Yes, all right, then.
449
00:28:00,760 --> 00:28:04,080
Put the money down
and step away from the widow.
450
00:28:09,000 --> 00:28:12,800
with bubbles in it
451
00:28:14,440 --> 00:28:18,800
handle anything stronger now
35687
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