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1
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This programme contains
some strong language
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00:00:04,040 --> 00:00:06,320
The Archer's going to be closed
on the 16th. That's today!
3
00:00:06,320 --> 00:00:09,160
Well, it says here
that during the safety inspection
4
00:00:09,160 --> 00:00:10,920
we found asbestos, carcinogens
5
00:00:10,920 --> 00:00:14,480
and a rare form of bacteria that
can make your eyes turn inside out.
6
00:00:17,600 --> 00:00:19,880
I can't believe it's over.
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00:00:19,880 --> 00:00:23,920
This programme contains some
strong language.
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Best kip ever.
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Now, tea-time. God, I love crisps.
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WIND HOWLS
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Well, that's unusual.
12
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Outside or cellar?
13
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Outside or cellar?
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Agggghh!
15
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Well, I didn't know
The Archer was cursed.
16
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Cursed? Why, yes, cursed.
17
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It says here it was built on
an old Indian burial ground.
18
00:02:14,720 --> 00:02:18,880
An old Indian burial ground? Why,
yes, an old Indian burial ground.
19
00:02:18,880 --> 00:02:25,400
So Native Americans came over here
to Runcorn to bury their dead?
20
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Strangely enough, why, yes.
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When? Apparently what happened
was this -
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00:02:31,400 --> 00:02:36,520
before America was discovered,
some Native Americans built a boat
23
00:02:36,520 --> 00:02:39,480
and sailed to England,
bypassing all of Ireland.
24
00:02:39,480 --> 00:02:42,920
Docked in Liverpool, caught some
form of, I imagine,
25
00:02:42,920 --> 00:02:45,280
horse-based
transport to Runcorn,
26
00:02:45,280 --> 00:02:48,320
jumped off at Canal Street
and promptly died.
27
00:02:48,320 --> 00:02:51,200
Then they were buried
under The Archer by a passing...
28
00:02:51,200 --> 00:02:53,400
ooh, let's say, dog.
29
00:02:53,400 --> 00:02:55,400
Hence, curse.
30
00:02:55,400 --> 00:02:58,440
So what is this curse?
It sounds really scary.
31
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Let's see. It says here...
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Blah di blah.
33
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"Everyone entering killed by
the thing they love the most."
34
00:03:07,480 --> 00:03:09,200
That's about the size of it.
35
00:03:09,200 --> 00:03:11,880
Let's sneak in,
finish the leftover beer.
36
00:03:11,880 --> 00:03:14,640
Oh, come on,
one last night in The Archer?
37
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Killed by what you love the most?
38
00:03:16,320 --> 00:03:21,080
But...you love me the most.
What if I turn round and kill you?
39
00:03:21,080 --> 00:03:24,120
Don't be silly!
I don't love you the most.
40
00:03:24,120 --> 00:03:26,040
Biscuits are my money shot.
41
00:03:26,040 --> 00:03:28,880
Come on, what could go wrong?
42
00:03:32,240 --> 00:03:35,800
All right, Jon,
I'll see you in a bit.
43
00:03:35,800 --> 00:03:38,440
All the jobs in here
are aimed at men.
44
00:03:38,440 --> 00:03:39,800
I mean, why can't a woman
45
00:03:39,800 --> 00:03:42,360
be the head of the
Frodsham Male Voice Choir?
46
00:03:43,760 --> 00:03:46,480
There's a bloody glass ceiling
everywhere you look.
47
00:03:48,160 --> 00:03:50,840
I'd love to break
through that glass ceiling.
48
00:03:52,000 --> 00:03:55,240
What is it? Jonny wants
to break into The Archer
49
00:03:55,240 --> 00:03:57,360
and drink the leftover stock.
50
00:03:57,360 --> 00:04:00,760
Great idea. What about the curse?!
Native Americans, Donna.
51
00:04:00,760 --> 00:04:03,560
You know how scary they are.
52
00:04:03,560 --> 00:04:05,760
Ah, yes. The moment I knew I truly
loved you
53
00:04:05,760 --> 00:04:08,480
was when you soiled
yourself watching Pocahontas.
54
00:04:08,480 --> 00:04:11,960
Yeah, well, I can't go.
Red Indians are just frightening.
55
00:04:11,960 --> 00:04:15,520
Scalping and wigwams
and Terrorhawks.
56
00:04:15,520 --> 00:04:17,640
Tomahawks. Where?
57
00:04:17,640 --> 00:04:20,720
Don't be stupid.
We should do it. Come on.
58
00:04:20,720 --> 00:04:24,400
Hey, you can shag me in the bogs
like you've always wanted.
59
00:04:24,400 --> 00:04:26,960
I just wanted to know what women do
in the loo.
60
00:04:26,960 --> 00:04:30,000
It's squirt, shake, zip. What are
you doing, flossing it?
61
00:04:30,960 --> 00:04:32,760
Oh, this'll be ace.
62
00:04:32,760 --> 00:04:36,120
I'll get Louise out. She's never
going to believe in this curse.
63
00:04:37,440 --> 00:04:39,240
Donna, it's in the newspaper.
It must be true.
64
00:04:39,240 --> 00:04:40,840
Oh, look!
65
00:04:40,840 --> 00:04:43,320
A man from Widnes
has married a whelk.
66
00:04:57,680 --> 00:05:00,960
Come on. Anyone would think
you were scared or something.
67
00:05:00,960 --> 00:05:02,680
I don't know why I have to be here.
68
00:05:02,680 --> 00:05:04,720
I do have other friends, you know.
69
00:05:04,720 --> 00:05:06,480
Like who?
70
00:05:06,480 --> 00:05:08,280
Oh, my God!
71
00:05:08,280 --> 00:05:10,120
I'm a social piranha.
72
00:05:16,760 --> 00:05:18,280
Come on.
73
00:05:23,280 --> 00:05:25,560
It's all boarded up.
We'll never get in.
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00:05:25,560 --> 00:05:27,480
Go on. Get the window open.
75
00:05:27,480 --> 00:05:29,040
You do know this is illegal.
76
00:05:29,040 --> 00:05:33,120
And a little bit scary.
Gaz, remember our agreement.
77
00:05:33,120 --> 00:05:36,680
Now you get the window open
so you can, your words,
78
00:05:36,680 --> 00:05:39,160
"Wear my thighs like a necklace."
79
00:05:39,160 --> 00:05:41,120
Right, let's do it.
80
00:06:03,920 --> 00:06:05,600
Go on. Now you squeeze through.
81
00:06:05,600 --> 00:06:08,880
I'll snag my tights.
These aren't Primark.
82
00:06:08,880 --> 00:06:11,160
They're George at ASDA!
83
00:06:11,160 --> 00:06:14,600
Come on, Munchkin.
You're small enough.
84
00:06:20,600 --> 00:06:24,960
I haven't felt this undignified
since I trumped during my smear.
85
00:06:24,960 --> 00:06:26,720
And not through my bottom.
86
00:06:30,160 --> 00:06:32,600
I'm not sure about this at all.
87
00:06:32,600 --> 00:06:34,320
It'll be brilliant, Janet.
88
00:06:34,320 --> 00:06:37,760
I'm gonna get so drunk. I'm gonna
be so sick all over everyone.
89
00:06:37,760 --> 00:06:41,560
It'll be like a wonderful
mystical fountain...
90
00:06:41,560 --> 00:06:43,280
of vomit.
91
00:06:43,280 --> 00:06:45,320
PleasantRight, Louise!
92
00:06:45,320 --> 00:06:47,160
Let us in the side door!
93
00:06:48,680 --> 00:06:50,920
It's dark. I can't see anything.
94
00:06:50,920 --> 00:06:53,080
Aggghhh!
95
00:06:54,120 --> 00:06:55,760
Louise! What's happened?
96
00:06:55,760 --> 00:06:57,360
I knew this was a bad idea.
97
00:06:57,360 --> 00:06:59,440
Can we please all go home?
Are you OK?
98
00:06:59,440 --> 00:07:02,680
There's a ladder in my tights!
99
00:07:02,680 --> 00:07:05,280
For God's sake, just let us in
the side door
100
00:07:05,280 --> 00:07:07,920
or we'll report
you to the Lollipop Guild!
101
00:07:17,360 --> 00:07:20,000
Ah, this is the best idea
I've ever had.
102
00:07:20,000 --> 00:07:21,920
You're not wrong there, matey.
103
00:07:21,920 --> 00:07:24,720
Come on! This is going to be so
brilliant! Yeah?
104
00:07:34,680 --> 00:07:37,320
Oh, my... Wait.
105
00:07:39,840 --> 00:07:42,320
Oh, for...
106
00:07:46,880 --> 00:07:48,400
It's me!
107
00:07:51,320 --> 00:07:54,040
Booze! Where's my free booze?
108
00:07:54,040 --> 00:07:56,440
Here you are, let's have some music.
109
00:07:56,440 --> 00:07:59,200
Aw, someone's cut the plug off.
110
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CREAKING
111
00:08:03,920 --> 00:08:06,280
I've got a bad feeling about this.
112
00:08:07,800 --> 00:08:09,800
Something's wrong.
113
00:08:12,920 --> 00:08:14,680
Just as I thought.
114
00:08:14,680 --> 00:08:16,400
Lipstick on my teeth.
115
00:08:18,880 --> 00:08:22,560
All better now.
Jonny, where's the booze?
116
00:08:23,560 --> 00:08:25,680
There isn't any!
117
00:08:25,680 --> 00:08:28,320
Where's the free nuts?
I was expecting free nuts!
118
00:08:28,320 --> 00:08:29,880
I want my free nuts!
119
00:08:29,880 --> 00:08:32,120
What kind of fresh hell is this?!
120
00:08:35,040 --> 00:08:37,280
CREAKING
121
00:08:38,880 --> 00:08:40,440
Are we on a boat?
122
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CLANGING
123
00:08:43,080 --> 00:08:45,960
You don't think that curse is real,
do you? Course not.
124
00:08:45,960 --> 00:08:48,600
I mean, how could it be?
Here's Jonny!
125
00:08:48,600 --> 00:08:50,560
Agghhh! Get away from me!
126
00:08:50,560 --> 00:08:54,240
Fucking kill him!
Janet, I'm joking, you knobhead.
127
00:08:54,240 --> 00:08:55,880
Jonny, don't do that!
128
00:08:57,920 --> 00:08:59,960
CREAKING
129
00:09:02,240 --> 00:09:05,160
I want to go, Jonny.
It just doesn't feel right to me.
130
00:09:05,160 --> 00:09:09,320
Don't be so bloody ridiculous, Janet.
Nobody's going to die or anything.
131
00:09:09,320 --> 00:09:11,640
Anyway, you know the rules -
132
00:09:11,640 --> 00:09:16,520
the black one always dies first,
and nobody here's black.
133
00:09:18,560 --> 00:09:22,680
As a pragmatic sort of person
with a great deal of self-awareness,
134
00:09:22,680 --> 00:09:25,800
this curse nonsense is
just utterly stupid.
135
00:09:25,800 --> 00:09:28,600
As if you can be
killed by the thing you love.
136
00:09:28,600 --> 00:09:30,960
It's absolutely asinine.
137
00:09:30,960 --> 00:09:32,760
I mean, look at me.
138
00:09:32,760 --> 00:09:34,800
I don't particularly love anything.
139
00:09:34,800 --> 00:09:37,280
Well, I suppose I love myself,
140
00:09:37,280 --> 00:09:41,040
but I'm hardly likely to
commit suicide, am I?
141
00:09:44,600 --> 00:09:47,840
Then, then why would you be
sawing your own leg off, Louise?
142
00:09:52,240 --> 00:09:55,280
Oh, bother, would you look at that?
143
00:09:55,280 --> 00:09:58,520
I've really snagged my tights now.
144
00:09:58,520 --> 00:10:02,520
Does anyone have any clear
nail varnish? What did you do?
145
00:10:02,520 --> 00:10:04,160
What the hell did you do?
146
00:10:04,160 --> 00:10:05,600
I'm not entirely sure.
147
00:10:05,600 --> 00:10:09,400
I believe, though, that I was
trying to saw through my thigh.
148
00:10:09,400 --> 00:10:11,720
I'll phone an ambulance. Oh, shit.
149
00:10:11,720 --> 00:10:14,520
Are you OK? I'm OK. It's just a leg.
150
00:10:14,520 --> 00:10:16,640
I was never very fond
of that one anyway.
151
00:10:16,640 --> 00:10:19,280
I've been humped on
more than one occasion.
152
00:10:19,280 --> 00:10:21,280
Sorry about that. Sorry about that.
153
00:10:21,280 --> 00:10:24,800
Phone's not working. Come and
help her! She's really bleeding!
154
00:10:24,800 --> 00:10:28,560
Calm down, it's just a scratch.
She's not gone all the way through.
155
00:10:28,560 --> 00:10:30,880
Look, Louise,
you're fine, aren't you?
156
00:10:30,880 --> 00:10:32,040
I think I'll be...
157
00:10:33,040 --> 00:10:35,000
There you go, that's torn it.
158
00:10:35,000 --> 00:10:36,640
Oh, my God. What's she doing?
159
00:10:36,640 --> 00:10:38,160
She's just having a laugh.
160
00:10:38,160 --> 00:10:40,600
It's Louise. She's mental. Let's go!
161
00:10:40,600 --> 00:10:42,640
Jonny, take me home.
162
00:10:42,640 --> 00:10:44,280
Let's go. Let's just leave.
163
00:10:44,280 --> 00:10:48,040
Move. Gaz, carry Louise. But she's
bleeding! Just do it, Gaz!
164
00:10:48,040 --> 00:10:51,480
What about our night together,
our last night in The Archer?
165
00:10:51,480 --> 00:10:54,360
She's messing about.
Louise, you didn't really...
166
00:10:58,200 --> 00:11:01,200
Right. Let's go!
167
00:11:01,200 --> 00:11:02,720
Get out, get out!
168
00:11:23,920 --> 00:11:26,240
Oh, a lock-in.
169
00:11:26,240 --> 00:11:28,440
Urrgh!
170
00:11:34,040 --> 00:11:37,560
I think we may have to
consider the possibility
171
00:11:37,560 --> 00:11:40,120
that
this curse actually exists.
172
00:11:51,640 --> 00:11:54,520
Hey, I've never noticed
this trapdoor before. No.
173
00:11:54,520 --> 00:11:56,480
Neither have I.
174
00:11:56,480 --> 00:11:59,840
Yeah, that's the weirdest thing
that's happened tonight
175
00:11:59,840 --> 00:12:02,080
Must be another way out.
I'll look for one.
176
00:12:02,080 --> 00:12:03,520
Not on your own, you're not.
177
00:12:04,600 --> 00:12:07,080
Thanks, Gaz. You know, I...
178
00:12:07,080 --> 00:12:10,560
I do my best to stay brave
for my friends and as a woman,
179
00:12:10,560 --> 00:12:13,560
but sometimes I just need some
support
180
00:12:13,560 --> 00:12:17,120
and I'm really grateful
to have you in my life.
181
00:12:17,120 --> 00:12:18,560
Thanks, Donna.
182
00:12:20,000 --> 00:12:21,480
Jonny, go with her.
183
00:12:22,840 --> 00:12:24,080
I'm not leaving Janet.
184
00:12:24,080 --> 00:12:27,600
Fine. It's always muggins here
who has to do everything! Gaz!
185
00:12:27,600 --> 00:12:31,400
Sorry. Look, there's a skylight in
the gents. We could try that, eh?
186
00:12:31,400 --> 00:12:33,880
Yeah. OK.
187
00:12:33,880 --> 00:12:35,400
Come on.
188
00:12:40,840 --> 00:12:42,440
Go on. Go on.
189
00:12:45,440 --> 00:12:47,200
Oh, God!
190
00:12:48,880 --> 00:12:51,240
What's going on?
191
00:12:52,720 --> 00:12:55,760
Jonny?
192
00:12:55,760 --> 00:12:57,960
Jonny, she's still breathing!
193
00:12:57,960 --> 00:13:01,840
She's still alive! What? Louise?
194
00:13:01,840 --> 00:13:04,000
Louise, can you hear us?
195
00:13:13,520 --> 00:13:15,960
Oh, shit.
196
00:13:15,960 --> 00:13:18,360
Yeah. Oh, shit, shit.
197
00:13:20,160 --> 00:13:24,920
Janet, you...you realise this
isn't actually a zombie curse?
198
00:13:24,920 --> 00:13:29,240
She was just, you know...
still alive.
199
00:13:29,240 --> 00:13:32,920
I killed her. Oh, God. I know!
200
00:13:32,920 --> 00:13:35,680
You're a murderer. I know!
201
00:13:35,680 --> 00:13:40,960
But...well, how much did we
actually like her anyway?
202
00:13:40,960 --> 00:13:42,960
Well, that's true.
203
00:13:42,960 --> 00:13:45,920
I've just thought.
You know what that means, Jonny?
204
00:13:45,920 --> 00:13:48,960
Yeah, you're a psychopath.
Yes, but also...
205
00:13:48,960 --> 00:13:52,920
It means that she loved me
the most in all the world.
206
00:13:52,920 --> 00:13:55,360
That's so incredibly sweet.
207
00:13:55,360 --> 00:13:57,720
I'm so touched by that.
208
00:13:57,720 --> 00:13:59,240
And if you think about it,
209
00:13:59,240 --> 00:14:03,240
the whole killing Louise thing
really wasn't my fault because...
210
00:14:04,680 --> 00:14:07,560
Aggghhh!
211
00:14:12,560 --> 00:14:14,280
Look at the place.
212
00:14:14,280 --> 00:14:17,320
Really let it go since
they closed the pub, haven't they?
213
00:14:17,320 --> 00:14:19,960
Er, yeah, if you like.
214
00:14:19,960 --> 00:14:23,360
Now look, Donna, I know we're in
a desperate situation, right?
215
00:14:23,360 --> 00:14:25,640
And
we're both incredibly horny, but...
216
00:14:25,640 --> 00:14:27,320
I'm so not.
217
00:14:27,320 --> 00:14:30,840
But that was the whole point of
coming here - to do it in the gents.
218
00:14:30,840 --> 00:14:33,920
Look at how erotic it is!
219
00:14:33,920 --> 00:14:36,560
Suffice to say, Gaz, this is
the last place on Earth
220
00:14:36,560 --> 00:14:38,640
where
I would want to have sex with you.
221
00:14:38,640 --> 00:14:40,760
How are we gonna
get that skylight open?
222
00:14:46,400 --> 00:14:47,680
I'm not gonna reach it.
223
00:14:47,680 --> 00:14:49,600
Anybody with any level of spatial
awareness
224
00:14:49,600 --> 00:14:52,280
can see that you're
not going to reach it that way.
225
00:14:52,280 --> 00:14:55,280
I thought that with all the other
weird shit happening,
226
00:14:55,280 --> 00:14:56,680
I might have bionic legs.
227
00:14:56,680 --> 00:14:59,440
Let me get on your shoulders.
That's a better idea.
228
00:15:01,000 --> 00:15:04,360
Look, Donna. If this doesn't work
and we don't get out of here,
229
00:15:04,360 --> 00:15:05,920
I need to tell you I love you.
230
00:15:05,920 --> 00:15:07,960
Shh! The curse might hear you.
231
00:15:07,960 --> 00:15:10,800
There's no way you'd
ever kill me, Donna.
232
00:15:10,800 --> 00:15:12,160
There isn't. I trust you.
233
00:15:12,160 --> 00:15:14,880
Can we agree not to love each other
until we're out?
234
00:15:14,880 --> 00:15:18,360
In fact, do the opposite of love.
Do hate. I'll do the same for you.
235
00:15:23,160 --> 00:15:24,680
It's no good, I can't reach.
236
00:15:24,680 --> 00:15:26,520
I'll have to stand.
237
00:15:26,520 --> 00:15:28,760
Do what you need to,
you stupid arsehole.
238
00:15:28,760 --> 00:15:31,000
What? I'm trying not to love you.
239
00:15:31,000 --> 00:15:33,960
That's sweet,
you obnoxious dickhead.
240
00:15:36,080 --> 00:15:37,800
I've got it! See, Donna.
241
00:15:37,800 --> 00:15:40,120
You're breaking through that glass
ceiling
242
00:15:40,120 --> 00:15:43,000
you're always banging on about,
you frigging munter.
243
00:15:44,680 --> 00:15:47,680
It's open.
You wank-stained window-licker.
244
00:15:47,680 --> 00:15:50,520
Brilliant.
Well done, you fishy-piss flap.
245
00:15:50,520 --> 00:15:54,800
Now just pull yourself through
and get help. That's it, go on.
246
00:15:54,800 --> 00:15:57,320
Just pull yourself through.
247
00:15:57,320 --> 00:15:59,000
I am doing.
248
00:16:05,240 --> 00:16:07,160
Did you just spit on me?
249
00:16:07,160 --> 00:16:11,320
I know we're not loving each other,
but that's taking the piss!
250
00:16:16,440 --> 00:16:17,480
Donna?
251
00:16:23,640 --> 00:16:26,520
We're going to be OK,
aren't we, Jonny?
252
00:16:26,520 --> 00:16:29,280
Me and you could
never kill each other.
253
00:16:29,280 --> 00:16:31,680
We just have to sit it out till dawn.
254
00:16:31,680 --> 00:16:34,800
Then the curse is lifted.
I didn't know that.
255
00:16:34,800 --> 00:16:37,920
Apparently, the Native Americans
specified
256
00:16:37,920 --> 00:16:39,920
how transient
the curse was.
257
00:16:39,920 --> 00:16:42,400
Although they may have said, "How!
258
00:16:42,400 --> 00:16:44,200
"The curse is transient".
259
00:16:44,200 --> 00:16:45,960
RUMBLING
260
00:16:45,960 --> 00:16:48,240
What was that?
261
00:16:48,240 --> 00:16:50,520
That was me. I'm starving.
262
00:16:50,520 --> 00:16:52,040
How can you be hungry?
263
00:16:52,040 --> 00:16:56,240
Reckon Louise would mind if
we took a chunk out of her? Jonny!
264
00:16:57,200 --> 00:17:00,360
Donna's dead! She's in there! Dead.
Oh, no!
265
00:17:00,360 --> 00:17:01,880
Why? What killed her?
266
00:17:01,880 --> 00:17:04,440
She broke through the glass ceiling.
267
00:17:04,440 --> 00:17:07,680
Oh, bollocks, we should
have seen that coming!
268
00:17:07,680 --> 00:17:09,560
All right. Keep calm.
269
00:17:09,560 --> 00:17:14,360
From now on, none of us can afford
to love anything at all.
270
00:17:14,360 --> 00:17:16,720
Set emotions to hate.
271
00:17:22,400 --> 00:17:24,080
I love you! I love you!
272
00:17:24,080 --> 00:17:26,920
Oh, greatYou two have got
each other.
273
00:17:26,920 --> 00:17:29,040
What have I got?
Donna's dead.
274
00:17:29,040 --> 00:17:32,640
All that's left is her legs -
gorgeous, sexy legs.
275
00:17:32,640 --> 00:17:34,760
They never failed to turn me on.
276
00:17:34,760 --> 00:17:38,720
What am I gonna do in the gents
toilets with a fit pair of legs
277
00:17:38,720 --> 00:17:43,080
and no-one watching, with
no-one to comfort me except myself.
278
00:17:43,080 --> 00:17:44,880
I'll be back in a bit.
279
00:17:46,960 --> 00:17:53,000
Now, about your idea for eating
Louise... Jonny, that was your idea.
280
00:17:53,000 --> 00:17:54,800
We could discuss all night
281
00:17:54,800 --> 00:17:59,120
whose idea it was to feast on her
corpse, where would that get us?
282
00:17:59,120 --> 00:18:03,520
We've decided to eat her.
We're not eating my friends!
283
00:18:03,520 --> 00:18:07,040
I'll check my bag.
There must be something there.
284
00:18:07,040 --> 00:18:12,280
If there's nothing, there's always
your excellent idea of eating Louise.
285
00:18:12,280 --> 00:18:15,720
Maybe there's some nuts
or crisps or something.
286
00:18:29,760 --> 00:18:34,240
Is this a Dodger I see before me? Oh.
287
00:18:37,200 --> 00:18:39,440
Oh, you little tease.
288
00:18:39,440 --> 00:18:42,040
You want me to follow you?
289
00:18:42,040 --> 00:18:43,440
OK.
290
00:18:48,960 --> 00:18:50,120
Jonny?
291
00:18:50,120 --> 00:18:51,400
Jonny?!
292
00:18:53,880 --> 00:18:55,400
JONNY!
293
00:19:09,960 --> 00:19:11,920
Gaz?
294
00:19:11,920 --> 00:19:14,360
Ga-az?
295
00:19:14,360 --> 00:19:18,600
Donna, you're alive. Where are you?
I'm in the first cubicle.
296
00:19:18,600 --> 00:19:22,840
The one with the alcohol-soaked
homoerotic paraphernalia.
297
00:19:22,840 --> 00:19:24,840
The Barrymore suite. Donna!
298
00:19:30,000 --> 00:19:32,560
Oh, you look fairly poorly.
299
00:19:32,560 --> 00:19:34,400
Don't be like that, Gaz.
300
00:19:34,400 --> 00:19:39,440
Don't you find me attractive?
You've never looked more beautiful.
301
00:19:40,720 --> 00:19:42,360
I thought you were dead.
302
00:19:43,600 --> 00:19:46,360
I thought I'd never see you again.
303
00:19:49,040 --> 00:19:50,760
I'd never leave you, Gaz.
304
00:19:50,760 --> 00:19:54,840
Not when we have such a romantic
task to complete together.
305
00:19:54,840 --> 00:19:56,320
What do you mean?
306
00:19:56,320 --> 00:20:01,360
You were right. We should consummate
our love in a gentleman's lavatory.
307
00:20:01,360 --> 00:20:04,840
It's all I want to do.
Isn't it obvious?
308
00:20:04,840 --> 00:20:09,760
I have to say, "Not really." You're
lacking a vagina for one thing.
309
00:20:09,760 --> 00:20:12,960
No way am I gonna slip it
in that mess of a torso.
310
00:20:12,960 --> 00:20:15,000
It'd be like shagging mince.
311
00:20:16,120 --> 00:20:18,240
Don't be silly, Gaz.
312
00:20:18,240 --> 00:20:20,600
All you need is right next door.
313
00:20:21,920 --> 00:20:24,040
If you loved me, you'd do it.
314
00:20:24,040 --> 00:20:26,680
Can't I just like, you know?
315
00:20:26,680 --> 00:20:29,800
No, it's got to be this way.
316
00:20:32,560 --> 00:20:34,120
A-ha.
317
00:20:36,160 --> 00:20:40,080
Thought you could escape me,
you saucy, little minx.
318
00:20:43,400 --> 00:20:45,800
Jonny! Jonny, please!
319
00:20:45,800 --> 00:20:47,800
Come back. ..Oh!
320
00:20:47,800 --> 00:20:49,320
Shit!
321
00:20:54,000 --> 00:20:55,960
Oh, no.
322
00:21:00,840 --> 00:21:02,000
Oh, Louise.
323
00:21:05,840 --> 00:21:08,240
You were so beautiful.
324
00:21:09,360 --> 00:21:13,240
Such delicate features and such a...
325
00:21:13,240 --> 00:21:14,920
Oh, bollocks to it.
326
00:21:20,720 --> 00:21:23,600
Now, look. I'm not stupid.
327
00:21:23,600 --> 00:21:27,800
I know you were sent
to kill me, but I can't not eat you.
328
00:21:27,800 --> 00:21:29,360
You're a Dodger.
329
00:21:29,360 --> 00:21:31,360
You wouldn't hurt me.
330
00:21:31,360 --> 00:21:33,520
Urgh! Get off me!
331
00:21:33,520 --> 00:21:36,440
Kelly? Kelly, what happened?
332
00:21:36,440 --> 00:21:38,000
Mmmmmm! MMMMM!
333
00:21:38,000 --> 00:21:39,400
RUSTLING
334
00:21:50,920 --> 00:21:53,280
Do it, Gaz.
335
00:21:53,280 --> 00:21:56,120
Do it for me. You know you want to.
336
00:21:56,120 --> 00:21:59,640
Pretty please.
If that's what you want.
337
00:22:13,440 --> 00:22:15,600
What are you waiting for? Argh!
338
00:22:16,800 --> 00:22:19,120
FOOTSTEPS
Go on.
339
00:22:22,920 --> 00:22:25,600
I can't do it. Yes, you can.
340
00:22:25,600 --> 00:22:27,760
I can't. It's necrophilia.
341
00:22:27,760 --> 00:22:29,680
No, it's not. It is.
342
00:22:29,680 --> 00:22:32,280
I'm not doing it. Yes, you are.
343
00:22:32,280 --> 00:22:35,120
I don't believe this is you, Donna.
344
00:22:35,120 --> 00:22:37,840
The clue is that you're
in two pieces
345
00:22:37,840 --> 00:22:40,480
and you want me
to have sex with you.
346
00:22:40,480 --> 00:22:42,160
That strikes me as odd.
347
00:22:44,120 --> 00:22:45,760
Argh!
348
00:22:48,400 --> 00:22:50,840
Go on, legs, go crazy on his arse!
349
00:22:50,840 --> 00:22:52,880
Stop it!
350
00:22:52,880 --> 00:22:54,360
Please just stop.
351
00:22:56,080 --> 00:22:58,680
That's nice. ..No, it's not.
352
00:22:58,680 --> 00:23:01,600
No, stop, please! Help!
353
00:23:11,680 --> 00:23:14,200
For God's sake!
354
00:23:14,200 --> 00:23:18,800
Come on, then. What you gonna do,
eh? How you gonna kill me?
355
00:23:18,800 --> 00:23:23,400
You've taken my husband. He's gone.
You've had all my mates off.
356
00:23:23,400 --> 00:23:25,640
Just get on with it! Give me it!
357
00:23:25,640 --> 00:23:26,800
CREAKING
358
00:23:26,800 --> 00:23:30,760
I really didn't mean that.
I'm so sorry to bother you.
359
00:23:37,680 --> 00:23:41,440
Now that, to some,
360
00:23:41,440 --> 00:23:44,120
could have looked like a warning.
361
00:23:44,120 --> 00:23:46,360
Oh, no, you don't.
362
00:23:52,800 --> 00:23:54,960
I have reached my Mecca.
363
00:23:54,960 --> 00:23:58,120
Sod you, normal-sized Dodger!
364
00:24:01,520 --> 00:24:06,680
There's no getting rid of me, Jammie
D. I'd follow you to hell and back.
365
00:24:17,640 --> 00:24:21,040
If you kill me,
I will feel only gratitude
366
00:24:21,040 --> 00:24:23,680
for the time we spent together.
367
00:24:39,360 --> 00:24:42,640
HE MOANS ECSTATICALLY
368
00:24:42,640 --> 00:24:46,280
CRUNCH!
Agghh!
369
00:24:56,920 --> 00:24:58,720
HE STRUGGLES FOR BREATH
370
00:25:01,480 --> 00:25:03,200
Aggghhh!
371
00:25:06,800 --> 00:25:08,520
They're all dead.
372
00:25:08,520 --> 00:25:11,480
I know they are.
373
00:25:11,480 --> 00:25:14,000
And I loved them.
374
00:25:14,000 --> 00:25:15,920
CREAKING
No, I didn't!
375
00:25:15,920 --> 00:25:19,280
I hated them. I hated them all.
376
00:25:19,280 --> 00:25:21,440
I love...puppies!
377
00:25:21,440 --> 00:25:25,240
No, they have teeth
and little germs in their poo!
378
00:25:26,760 --> 00:25:28,960
I love fresh air.
379
00:25:28,960 --> 00:25:33,800
No, because then you could fill me
with air and my lungs would burst.
380
00:25:33,800 --> 00:25:37,920
The thing I love the most
in all the world is...
381
00:25:50,320 --> 00:25:51,720
TRAP DOOR OPENS
382
00:25:59,280 --> 00:26:01,440
No, no! No! No!
383
00:26:07,520 --> 00:26:09,040
Agghhh!
384
00:26:10,280 --> 00:26:12,640
No! No! No!
385
00:26:12,640 --> 00:26:15,760
No! No-o!
386
00:26:16,720 --> 00:26:19,320
No! No! No!
387
00:26:19,320 --> 00:26:20,360
No!
388
00:26:23,680 --> 00:26:25,400
No! Agghh!
389
00:26:31,560 --> 00:26:34,240
No! Agghh!
390
00:26:36,800 --> 00:26:39,400
JANET CRIES
391
00:27:09,320 --> 00:27:10,720
Aggh!
392
00:27:12,640 --> 00:27:13,800
AGGH!
393
00:27:13,800 --> 00:27:18,440
Janet, you all right? You look like
you've seen a ghost.
394
00:27:18,440 --> 00:27:22,160
No. You haven't turned into
a biscuit.
395
00:27:22,160 --> 00:27:24,960
Thank God.
396
00:27:24,960 --> 00:27:26,480
It was all a dream.
397
00:27:28,480 --> 00:27:31,760
What do you mean?
398
00:27:31,760 --> 00:27:35,280
Agghh!
29128
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