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1
00:00:01,760 --> 00:00:05,000
It's a crowd of morons
you hang around with!
2
00:00:05,000 --> 00:00:07,880
And her -
she's the worst of the lot!
3
00:00:07,880 --> 00:00:10,920
New boss, eh? Very exciting!
4
00:00:10,920 --> 00:00:15,280
Yeah, yeah. Anyway,
I shall see you later.
5
00:00:16,960 --> 00:00:18,880
Where's Kate?
6
00:00:18,880 --> 00:00:22,120
She's gone. I've dumped her.
7
00:00:22,120 --> 00:00:27,600
This programme contains
some strong language.
8
00:00:30,720 --> 00:00:34,360
with bubbles in it
9
00:00:35,440 --> 00:00:40,280
handle anything stronger now
10
00:01:02,760 --> 00:01:05,120
'Ooh, brilliant!
11
00:01:05,120 --> 00:01:06,880
'Free porn.
12
00:01:06,880 --> 00:01:10,120
'Now I'll just do me warm-up
before me morning exercise.
13
00:01:12,400 --> 00:01:14,480
'There we go.
14
00:01:14,480 --> 00:01:17,400
'That'll prevent
repetitive strain injury.
15
00:01:25,280 --> 00:01:28,480
'Hold on a goddamn minute!
Where's me penis?
16
00:01:28,480 --> 00:01:32,040
'I'm sure I left Mr Nudge there
last night.
17
00:01:32,040 --> 00:01:34,640
'Maybe I should just stare harder.
18
00:01:37,360 --> 00:01:39,720
'That's weird.
19
00:01:39,720 --> 00:01:42,240
'I'll have to call in the troops.
20
00:01:42,240 --> 00:01:43,760
'Kylie.
21
00:01:47,200 --> 00:01:50,280
'Not today, little missy, OK?
22
00:01:50,280 --> 00:01:52,320
'Liz Hurley.
23
00:01:53,960 --> 00:01:59,200
'Christ! This is getting serious!
All right, I'm gonna have
to bring out the big guns.
24
00:01:59,200 --> 00:02:01,240
'Fern Brittain.
25
00:02:01,240 --> 00:02:03,920
'Oh, hang on.'
26
00:02:07,680 --> 00:02:11,280
Gaz, I'm not playing
sex casserole again.
27
00:02:11,280 --> 00:02:14,200
Have you finished yet? I need
to get them sheets in the wash.
28
00:02:14,200 --> 00:02:18,920
No, no. I'm not in the mood.
What, YOU?! Are you ill?
29
00:02:18,920 --> 00:02:20,480
No, I...
30
00:02:20,480 --> 00:02:25,720
You always wake up gagging.
Even I wake up gagging
if I've slept with me mouth open.
31
00:02:25,720 --> 00:02:28,880
I'm just not in the mood
this morning, that's all.
32
00:02:28,880 --> 00:02:34,320
Is it because I'm spending
the day with a gorgeous man? And now
it's inverted. What gorgeous man?!
33
00:02:34,320 --> 00:02:38,200
I told you. Got my personal tutor
today to check on my progress.
34
00:02:38,200 --> 00:02:41,280
He can't be THAT gorgeous.
He's brainy - you know the rules.
35
00:02:41,280 --> 00:02:46,200
He's a PhD student.
I've not met him, but the other
girls say he's hunky-doodle-doo.
36
00:02:46,200 --> 00:02:51,920
Well, the other girls haven't met
me. And hunky-doodle-doo isn't the
kind of vocabulary I want in me bed.
37
00:02:51,920 --> 00:02:55,840
I have enough problems with me
privates without chicken noises.
38
00:02:55,840 --> 00:02:59,400
Well, don't worry.
Plenty of men have erection trouble.
39
00:02:59,400 --> 00:03:03,880
It's not erection trouble. I've
woken up and he's having a lie in.
40
00:03:05,960 --> 00:03:10,080
He has a very stressful job.
He needs a rest. That's the spirit.
41
00:03:10,080 --> 00:03:14,000
I'm sure he's not broken.
Just keep your pecker up!
42
00:03:24,400 --> 00:03:27,760
I'll have a pint, please, Norma.
43
00:03:27,760 --> 00:03:29,960
No, I'll have a half.
44
00:03:31,800 --> 00:03:34,600
No, I'll have a lime and, um...
45
00:03:36,640 --> 00:03:39,080
I'll just stand here quietly.
46
00:03:40,560 --> 00:03:43,000
Are you done with that, mate?
47
00:03:57,080 --> 00:03:59,120
Your break's over.
48
00:03:59,120 --> 00:04:04,080
You could have just asked!
I'm your supervisor. I do not ask.
49
00:04:04,080 --> 00:04:07,880
I point and shout and do this.
Uh-h-h!
50
00:04:08,840 --> 00:04:14,080
Shouldn't you be waiting on
that order of gingerbread men?
It's gingerbread PEOPLE, Janet.
51
00:04:14,080 --> 00:04:17,880
Miss, are you gonna fire her now?
Let's wait and see.
52
00:04:17,880 --> 00:04:23,200
Fire me? What are you talking about?
I've done nothing wrong. Well, I've
got to assert my authority in here.
53
00:04:23,200 --> 00:04:28,840
So I have no other option than
to gain respect by sacking someone.
And it makes me chuckle.
54
00:04:28,840 --> 00:04:33,000
You've got to be cruel to be kind.
That's what Miss says.
55
00:04:33,000 --> 00:04:36,880
Exactly. Oh, speaking of which,
how's that itching powder going?
56
00:04:36,880 --> 00:04:39,920
Very uncomfortable, Miss. Excellent.
57
00:04:44,800 --> 00:04:46,920
All right? All right.
58
00:04:50,880 --> 00:04:53,880
Haven't you got any lager? Jesus!
59
00:04:53,880 --> 00:04:57,760
What're you doing?! Something
I should have done a long time ago.
60
00:04:57,760 --> 00:05:01,600
I'm taking back me life
by stealing your food.
61
00:05:01,600 --> 00:05:03,640
You can't just...!
62
00:05:03,640 --> 00:05:05,960
Ow! ..Oh-h-h!
63
00:05:05,960 --> 00:05:09,440
What's the matter?
I'm glad you asked.
64
00:05:09,440 --> 00:05:12,200
I'm wearing a cock ring, Jonny.
65
00:05:13,960 --> 00:05:15,320
Oh.
66
00:05:17,120 --> 00:05:19,960
Where did you get that? I made it.
67
00:05:21,880 --> 00:05:26,360
The postman dropped an elastic band
on the fire escape this morning.
68
00:05:28,480 --> 00:05:31,080
I fashioned the device meself.
69
00:05:31,080 --> 00:05:36,240
Oh, right. Well, er...you know,
what's the knob-noose FOR, then?
Isn't it screwed on right?
70
00:05:36,240 --> 00:05:40,120
It's...it's embarrassing.
I can't tell you. Oh, come on.
71
00:05:41,080 --> 00:05:44,720
Whoa, whoa, whoa! A problem shared
is a problem halved.
72
00:05:44,720 --> 00:05:48,000
Well, unless it's a cold sore.
That just exacerbates it.
73
00:05:48,000 --> 00:05:52,120
Right, well...
I woke up this morning,
74
00:05:52,120 --> 00:05:53,640
and, er...
75
00:05:53,640 --> 00:05:57,280
a special...part of me
76
00:05:57,280 --> 00:06:00,600
was limp, like a wilted tulip.
77
00:06:01,800 --> 00:06:03,920
Oh, right, I see.
78
00:06:03,920 --> 00:06:08,400
Well, that's nothing to worry about.
No-one wakes up every morning
all alert.
79
00:06:08,400 --> 00:06:11,840
Well, I do.
Ever since the age of nine.
80
00:06:11,840 --> 00:06:16,480
Nine?! What were your bedtime
stories - The Brothers Quim?!
81
00:06:16,480 --> 00:06:17,880
No.
82
00:06:17,880 --> 00:06:23,640
I'd watch She-Ra The Princess Of
Power before bed. She was well fit.
83
00:06:23,640 --> 00:06:28,000
So how long have you been
wearing it? All morning at work.
84
00:06:28,000 --> 00:06:30,040
It's gone a bit numb.
85
00:06:30,040 --> 00:06:33,880
You should take it off. The blood
starts to clot after a while.
86
00:06:33,880 --> 00:06:37,800
You could end up with a lovely bit
of black pudding, though.
87
00:06:39,440 --> 00:06:43,040
These must be worth a bob or two.
Stop nicking me stuff!
88
00:06:43,040 --> 00:06:46,880
I can't help it, Gaz.
It's two days to me benefits.
89
00:06:46,880 --> 00:06:49,720
I'm homeless, I'm hungry
and I really want the new...
90
00:06:49,720 --> 00:06:52,120
Commodores remix album.
91
00:06:52,120 --> 00:06:54,720
You're not homeless.
92
00:06:54,720 --> 00:06:59,240
Dad'll chuck me out
if I don't stop climbing
into bed with him at night.
93
00:06:59,240 --> 00:07:02,640
I can't help it, Gaz.
There's a monster under my bed.
94
00:07:02,640 --> 00:07:08,080
Then get back with Janet, then.
She likes leechiness. No way.
I've got me pride.
95
00:07:09,840 --> 00:07:13,720
Can you lend us 10p
for a cup of tea?
96
00:07:13,720 --> 00:07:16,480
Hold on.
97
00:07:16,480 --> 00:07:18,000
Oh, no!
98
00:07:25,640 --> 00:07:28,160
So come on, then - stimulate me.
99
00:07:28,160 --> 00:07:33,200
Oh, I-I thought we were just gonna
talk about the course, an' that,
100
00:07:33,200 --> 00:07:36,240
but I'll stimulate you, though.
It's no problem.
101
00:07:36,240 --> 00:07:39,680
Er, do you like classical music?
102
00:07:39,680 --> 00:07:44,360
I like the one that goes...
CLEARS THROAT
103
00:07:44,360 --> 00:07:47,920
SHE DOOBY-DOOS "Carmen"
104
00:08:07,520 --> 00:08:11,360
Thank you. But we should talk
about the course.
105
00:08:11,360 --> 00:08:16,400
I'm really glad you came in, Donna.
I get very bored
talking to the admin people.
106
00:08:16,400 --> 00:08:20,880
But, like they say, you got to read
Dickens before you get to Poe.
107
00:08:20,880 --> 00:08:22,920
Poe, huh!
108
00:08:22,920 --> 00:08:27,720
Oh, sorry, are you a Dickens fan?
Oh, no! ..Well, yeah! ..Well, maybe.
109
00:08:27,720 --> 00:08:30,880
Sorry, I sound stupid, don't I?
Um...
110
00:08:30,880 --> 00:08:37,080
I didn't do much reading before
I came here. ..Er, just TV Quick.
111
00:08:37,080 --> 00:08:40,680
But the crossword in there
is like "whoo!"
112
00:08:40,680 --> 00:08:44,160
I mean, who knows
what the capital of Greece is?
113
00:08:45,680 --> 00:08:48,800
So, Donna, is everything OK
at home? What?
114
00:08:48,800 --> 00:08:52,080
I know it's wank,
but I have to ask.
115
00:08:52,080 --> 00:08:54,920
Did you just say wank?
116
00:08:54,920 --> 00:08:58,480
Er, yeah.
I won't tell if YOU don't.
117
00:09:00,640 --> 00:09:04,320
So how did you get this job?
Oh, I was just good.
118
00:09:04,320 --> 00:09:06,880
Oh, right.
119
00:09:06,880 --> 00:09:10,920
So if you study hard, you can achieve
anything. That's inspiring, that.
120
00:09:10,920 --> 00:09:15,760
No, if you study hard and your mum's
the dean, you can achieve anything.
121
00:09:15,760 --> 00:09:18,040
Oh. I'm joking!
122
00:09:18,040 --> 00:09:21,520
Look, it's too hot in here.
Do you wanna go to the pub instead?
123
00:09:21,520 --> 00:09:24,760
What?!
Why, this isn't like junior school!
124
00:09:24,760 --> 00:09:29,600
We're allowed to socialise.
I just fancied a pint.
OK, but I'm buying.
125
00:09:29,600 --> 00:09:33,000
I choose the subject matter, then.
Go for it. What about...
126
00:09:33,000 --> 00:09:37,240
student-teacher relations? What?
127
00:09:37,240 --> 00:09:41,680
I'm joking again. Oh.
..You're hilarious!
128
00:09:41,680 --> 00:09:45,360
Oh, and you failed one of
your modules. Yeah, very funny!
129
00:09:45,360 --> 00:09:48,680
No, your essay on The Merchant
Of Venice really was shit.
130
00:09:52,640 --> 00:09:55,800
She isn't serious about
sacking someone, is she?
131
00:09:55,800 --> 00:09:58,920
She's deadly serious. ..Deadly.
132
00:09:59,760 --> 00:10:02,200
Do you like me biccy?
133
00:10:03,600 --> 00:10:08,800
But it'll be you.
I'm a hard worker and her friend
Tracey's got four kids
134
00:10:08,800 --> 00:10:11,680
and fat Judith can't actually
fit out the door.
135
00:10:11,680 --> 00:10:14,960
Well, odds-on favourite it's you.
Why do you think that?
136
00:10:14,960 --> 00:10:18,120
Cos she said,
"I'm gonna sack Janet!"
137
00:10:18,120 --> 00:10:22,880
Afternoon. Er, Louise,
Kelly said you're gonna sack me.
138
00:10:22,880 --> 00:10:24,760
Oh, how awful!
139
00:10:24,760 --> 00:10:28,360
I'm sorry, Janet. ..I think
you should apologise, Kelly.
140
00:10:28,360 --> 00:10:30,760
I'm sorry, Janet.
141
00:10:30,760 --> 00:10:33,360
No, not to her - to ME.
142
00:10:33,360 --> 00:10:35,840
You've totally ruined the surprise.
143
00:10:35,840 --> 00:10:38,760
I think you're out of order,
Louise.
144
00:10:38,760 --> 00:10:41,960
Well, you should probably speak
to your supervisor.
145
00:10:41,960 --> 00:10:45,840
You ARE my supervisor!
Good, good. Job done.
146
00:10:45,840 --> 00:10:49,080
But I could sue you
for unfair dismissal!
147
00:10:49,080 --> 00:10:52,880
I hardly think it's unfair.
..Do YOU think it's unfair, Kelly?
148
00:10:52,880 --> 00:10:57,480
Life isn't fair. ..But Neighbours
were good last night, weren't it?!
149
00:10:57,480 --> 00:10:59,960
I haven't done anything wrong!
150
00:10:59,960 --> 00:11:05,960
Letting your ex-boyfriend blatantly
steal produce is a criminal offence,
Janet. What?
151
00:11:17,640 --> 00:11:22,920
PORN ON TV
What's the matter with you,
you snob? She's naked! Come on!
152
00:11:22,920 --> 00:11:24,560
No?
153
00:11:25,280 --> 00:11:26,640
God!
154
00:11:29,560 --> 00:11:32,000
I need professional help.
155
00:11:38,680 --> 00:11:41,600
'Hello, Horny,
you've reached Girls United.
156
00:11:41,600 --> 00:11:46,120
'Before you talk
to our sexerific operator
just gagging to chat dirty,
157
00:11:46,120 --> 00:11:48,640
'please listen to these messages.
158
00:11:48,640 --> 00:11:51,720
'Everyone likes bicycles.
Even you, pervert!
159
00:11:51,720 --> 00:11:59,280
'Here at Wigan's World Of Bikes,
we pride ourselves on catering to
the most masturbating of customer.'
160
00:12:00,880 --> 00:12:05,080
Who are you phoning?
Er, just, er...Granny Wilkinson,
161
00:12:05,080 --> 00:12:09,960
but she's, er... 'Now I'm shaving.'
Er, she's shaving, apparently.
162
00:12:10,960 --> 00:12:14,120
Well, look what I'VE got!
163
00:12:14,120 --> 00:12:17,120
Candles - ooh!
164
00:12:18,200 --> 00:12:19,560
Ooh!
165
00:12:20,320 --> 00:12:22,680
And wine - mmm!
166
00:12:23,680 --> 00:12:29,200
AND a poster of Beyonce Knowles!
You know what that means?
167
00:12:29,200 --> 00:12:34,800
Well, sex. ..Er, no, I'm tired.
Can we go snorkelling instead?
168
00:12:34,800 --> 00:12:37,320
That's exactly what I had in mind!
169
00:12:37,320 --> 00:12:40,200
Just don't get salt water in my tube!
170
00:12:42,800 --> 00:12:45,240
I can't, Donna! What?!
171
00:12:45,240 --> 00:12:47,640
Oh, c'mon, Gaz! Check me out.
172
00:12:48,720 --> 00:12:52,240
SHE DOOBY-DOOS
173
00:12:57,640 --> 00:12:59,760
Donna, no! I-I...
174
00:12:59,760 --> 00:13:02,240
I'm just... What?
175
00:13:02,240 --> 00:13:06,320
I've been sexually frustrated all
day, I come home and you...! Wait!
176
00:13:06,320 --> 00:13:11,160
Why have you been sexually
frustrated all day? What? No reason.
177
00:13:11,160 --> 00:13:15,280
You have a tutorial with a "gorgeous
man" and come home gagging for it.
178
00:13:15,280 --> 00:13:19,400
What d'you mean? You'd be thinking
of HIM! I'd be doing me best moves
179
00:13:19,400 --> 00:13:22,240
and you'd be like,
"Oh, yeah, Professor Plum!"
180
00:13:24,120 --> 00:13:27,480
Professor Plum?
It's the only professor I know.
181
00:13:27,480 --> 00:13:33,440
I can't have you thinking of someone
else, so no Gazms for you tonight.
Well, Gaz, women don't do that.
182
00:13:33,440 --> 00:13:38,640
What? No, we can't actually think
of anybody else except the person
we're with. Sad but true.
183
00:13:38,640 --> 00:13:40,240
Losers!
184
00:13:40,240 --> 00:13:44,640
I can think of anyone I want
when I'm with Donna.
185
00:13:44,640 --> 00:13:49,960
Sorry, that's you, innit?
Yeah, I know it's a curse.
Poor womankind.
186
00:13:49,960 --> 00:13:56,960
Now, pants off, lie back,
and think of England. ..No, think
of Poundland. It's more exotic.
187
00:13:56,960 --> 00:13:59,640
No, I can't. What? Why not?
188
00:13:59,640 --> 00:14:06,600
Because I'm insulted! I'm not just
a piece of meat. Gaz, I don't think
of you as a piece of meat!
189
00:14:06,600 --> 00:14:09,120
I just WANT a piece of meat!
190
00:14:09,120 --> 00:14:13,280
Come on, I'll do all the work!
I'm feeling bouncy...
191
00:14:13,280 --> 00:14:15,360
Bouncy Knowles!
192
00:14:15,360 --> 00:14:19,600
I don't want to. Why? Have you gone
off me? Don't you fancy me any more?
193
00:14:22,360 --> 00:14:24,680
Yeah. What?
194
00:14:24,680 --> 00:14:27,520
You're right! I don't fancy you.
195
00:14:27,520 --> 00:14:31,880
OK, fine. Good. Now can we please
have a non-sexual cuddle?
196
00:14:31,880 --> 00:14:36,520
No, I am having a bath. Yeah, but...
My boyfriend doesn't fancy me?
Great!
197
00:14:36,520 --> 00:14:42,120
I'm off to have a bath now.
There was a young lady named Jean
Who was constantly flicking her...!
198
00:14:47,000 --> 00:14:50,840
Oh, come on! She did the
dooby-doo dance, an' everything!
199
00:15:14,160 --> 00:15:17,280
Would you drag a babe from
his mother's breast so quickly?
200
00:15:20,160 --> 00:15:25,400
I am so angry at you!
Angry enough to buy me a pint? No!
201
00:15:25,400 --> 00:15:30,160
I'll get the sack cos of your
stealing! But you always give me
free baked goods!
202
00:15:30,160 --> 00:15:33,800
Yes, that was
when you were my boyfriend. Oh.
203
00:15:33,800 --> 00:15:36,440
Oh, that's how it goes, is it?
204
00:15:36,440 --> 00:15:38,960
I'm very offended. Offended? Yes.
205
00:15:38,960 --> 00:15:43,200
I think you should buy me a pint
to say sorry. Buy your own!
206
00:15:43,200 --> 00:15:45,120
I-I can't.
207
00:15:46,760 --> 00:15:49,440
I have no money.
208
00:15:49,440 --> 00:15:54,080
What about your redundancy?
That fiver you gave me
when you dumped me?
209
00:15:54,080 --> 00:15:58,280
Oh, well, I bought some goldfish.
They were delicious.
210
00:15:58,280 --> 00:16:02,080
Oh, Jonny, there is a way
round this problem, you know.
211
00:16:02,080 --> 00:16:08,080
You could come home.
Oh, what, you want me back?
Just cos you're lonely, is it?
212
00:16:08,080 --> 00:16:10,960
I was going to say bored, but... No.
213
00:16:10,960 --> 00:16:13,600
No way, Janet. I have my pride.
214
00:16:13,600 --> 00:16:17,720
Why not? I miss you!
AND you kissed me the other day.
215
00:16:18,680 --> 00:16:21,120
You tasted of milk!
216
00:16:21,120 --> 00:16:25,840
We can't because...
because I've moved on.
217
00:16:25,840 --> 00:16:27,600
I've matured.
218
00:16:27,600 --> 00:16:34,080
I've got to take control of my life
and not rely on a woman to sort it
all out for me. OK, Jonny.
219
00:16:36,560 --> 00:16:39,960
So are you buying me a pint, or what?
220
00:16:46,360 --> 00:16:49,960
Now some may see this moment
as an incy bit Freudian.
221
00:16:49,960 --> 00:16:56,000
I've had a lot of Freudian stuff
lately. I had a worryingly ambiguous
dream last night about a train.
222
00:16:56,000 --> 00:16:58,320
I was shagging it.
223
00:16:58,320 --> 00:17:02,720
I'm all ears. No, I think
that'd be a bit inappropriate.
224
00:17:02,720 --> 00:17:06,440
How about telling me about it
after school? What?
225
00:17:06,440 --> 00:17:09,880
There's a couple of us
eating Mexican tonight. Join us.
226
00:17:09,880 --> 00:17:13,840
Really? Me? Yes, you.
You're interesting.
227
00:17:14,800 --> 00:17:19,160
And I'm really intrigued by the
train dream. What was I wearing?!
228
00:17:20,520 --> 00:17:25,720
Well, yeah, I guess that'd be OK.
Yeah, that'd be great. Excellent.
229
00:17:25,720 --> 00:17:30,560
And when I say a couple of us,
I mean me...and...you.
230
00:17:30,560 --> 00:17:35,440
Yeah, but... And when I say Mexican
food, I mean, microwave burrito
231
00:17:35,440 --> 00:17:37,880
on my sofa.
232
00:17:39,080 --> 00:17:41,000
Off you pop!
233
00:17:41,000 --> 00:17:44,200
Yeah, OK. I'll see you later.
234
00:17:47,520 --> 00:17:50,440
Patta-cake, patta-cake baker's man
235
00:17:50,440 --> 00:17:52,800
Bake me a cake as fast as you can
236
00:17:52,800 --> 00:17:55,840
Smack it and twat it
and throw it at me
237
00:17:55,840 --> 00:17:59,040
Then the boss'll let you
have it for free. Yay!
238
00:17:59,040 --> 00:18:03,160
You must be one of them geniuses.
I think I am. Do you like spuds?
239
00:18:03,160 --> 00:18:05,480
Yeah. Do YOU like spuds?
240
00:18:05,480 --> 00:18:09,320
Yeah. Do you like sheds? Yeah.
Do YOU like sheds? Yeah.
241
00:18:09,320 --> 00:18:12,840
Do you like sofas? Yes.
Do YOU like sofas? Yeah.
242
00:18:12,840 --> 00:18:17,080
Do you like the Army? Yeah.
Do YOU like the Army?
243
00:18:17,080 --> 00:18:19,080
Yeah!
244
00:18:19,080 --> 00:18:23,320
Kelly, Louise has already said
about bringing your boyfriends in.
245
00:18:23,320 --> 00:18:25,280
He's not me boyfriend!
246
00:18:25,280 --> 00:18:29,080
I found him in a bin.
We just clicked.
247
00:18:29,080 --> 00:18:32,480
Even so, he shouldn't be back here.
She'll go mental.
248
00:18:32,480 --> 00:18:35,000
She already IS mental!
249
00:18:35,000 --> 00:18:37,520
Oh, my God!
250
00:18:37,520 --> 00:18:42,360
What is that thing doing here,
Kelly? Just munching about.
251
00:18:42,360 --> 00:18:46,960
He's not me boyfriend, so it's OK.
It is most certainly NOT OK!
252
00:18:46,960 --> 00:18:51,000
As you very well know, someone is
getting fired at the end of today
253
00:18:51,000 --> 00:18:53,920
and I think
I've made my mind up who.
254
00:18:53,920 --> 00:18:56,040
No, cake lady, no!
255
00:18:56,040 --> 00:18:57,400
It's...
256
00:18:57,400 --> 00:18:59,080
YOU, Janet!
257
00:19:00,520 --> 00:19:04,360
Oh, God - I love power!
Carry on. But, Miss!
258
00:19:04,360 --> 00:19:08,600
Oh, and you, too.
You're sacked. But, cake lady...!
259
00:19:08,600 --> 00:19:12,400
You're sacked! Janet, I think
I've done something terrible.
260
00:19:12,400 --> 00:19:15,080
You're sacked!
But I don't work here.
261
00:19:15,080 --> 00:19:20,040
Sacked. Sacked. Everyone sacked!
I'm just so...SUPREME!
262
00:19:20,040 --> 00:19:22,480
Where's fat Judith?
263
00:19:31,640 --> 00:19:33,680
I'm sorry, Henry.
264
00:19:36,640 --> 00:19:39,680
SUCTION ON
265
00:19:45,560 --> 00:19:46,800
Gaz?
266
00:19:53,400 --> 00:19:55,680
Ooh!
267
00:19:55,680 --> 00:20:00,840
What the hell are you doing?
I was just hoovering me thighs.
They get very dusty.
268
00:20:00,840 --> 00:20:06,560
Oh. Well, me dad's finally chucked
me out. I need to crash here.
Why can't you stay at Janet's?
269
00:20:06,560 --> 00:20:09,760
No way, Gaz! I've got me pride.
Well, you can't stay here.
270
00:20:11,280 --> 00:20:14,480
I've nowhere else to go.
I wouldn't ask otherwise.
271
00:20:14,480 --> 00:20:17,600
I'll sleep in the bath.
I'll be as quiet as a mouse.
272
00:20:17,600 --> 00:20:20,920
A tiny little mouse
wearing ballet pumps.
273
00:20:20,920 --> 00:20:24,800
I'm sorry, Jonny. I can't cope with
that. I've got me own problems.
274
00:20:24,800 --> 00:20:27,960
Oh, yeah. How IS Mr Nudge feeling?
275
00:20:27,960 --> 00:20:32,320
He's not an invalid! You should
take him to the doctor's.
276
00:20:32,320 --> 00:20:37,120
What will they do -
stick him in a splint
They could give you Viagra.
277
00:20:37,120 --> 00:20:41,920
Viagra's for dirty old men
and dusty-muffed women.
278
00:20:41,920 --> 00:20:44,920
Well, maybe he needs counselling.
279
00:20:44,920 --> 00:20:47,000
Maybe he's got issues.
280
00:20:47,000 --> 00:20:53,280
Oh, yeah. "We're just gonna lie
Mr Nudge on this tiny little couch
and talk about his childhood."
281
00:20:54,560 --> 00:20:56,800
Tiny little couch?!
282
00:20:58,320 --> 00:21:01,360
No, it's a huge great sofa, y'know.
283
00:21:02,240 --> 00:21:06,280
Check out my new blusher.
It's called Flesh In A Blender.
284
00:21:06,280 --> 00:21:10,160
You don't need blusher. You have
a natural sex flush from Gaz.
285
00:21:10,160 --> 00:21:14,120
What's a sex flush? It's why
women's make-up is always red.
286
00:21:14,120 --> 00:21:19,520
Blusher makes you look
hot and bothered. Lippy makes
your mouth look like a fanny.
287
00:21:19,520 --> 00:21:23,480
Oh, my God - the day I've had!
288
00:21:23,480 --> 00:21:26,560
It's times like this
I really need my best friends.
289
00:21:26,560 --> 00:21:29,720
You just sacked me. I'm not
speaking to you. What's happened?
290
00:21:32,000 --> 00:21:34,280
I got the sack.
291
00:21:34,280 --> 00:21:36,880
You didn't sack yourself?!
292
00:21:36,880 --> 00:21:40,160
Did you catch sight of yourself
and get confused?
293
00:21:40,160 --> 00:21:45,360
No. I phoned the regional manager
to recruit more potential sackees
294
00:21:45,360 --> 00:21:47,880
and he said I was power mad.
295
00:21:47,880 --> 00:21:52,680
Can you believe?! Incredible.
He said he'd have to let me go.
296
00:21:52,680 --> 00:21:57,040
So does this mean
I've got my job back? I suppose so.
297
00:22:04,840 --> 00:22:06,720
Bastard!
298
00:22:07,720 --> 00:22:09,800
OK, I'm off.
299
00:22:09,800 --> 00:22:14,200
Fine. So do I look nice?
300
00:22:15,720 --> 00:22:17,800
Probably.
301
00:22:17,800 --> 00:22:20,240
Does she look nice?
302
00:22:20,240 --> 00:22:21,880
No.
303
00:22:22,960 --> 00:22:26,320
D'you think it's bit tarty
to be going out with a friend?
304
00:22:26,320 --> 00:22:31,160
Nothing could be too tarty.
You could have push-up pants
and rotating nipple flaps,
305
00:22:31,160 --> 00:22:35,120
you still wouldn't get
an erection...eraction...reaction!
306
00:22:35,120 --> 00:22:37,200
Bye, Gaz.
307
00:22:42,840 --> 00:22:46,280
OK, thank you very much,
Mr Bradshaw. Bye-bye.
308
00:22:46,280 --> 00:22:48,840
Bye-bye, bye-bye, bye!
309
00:22:49,840 --> 00:22:51,880
Jonny, guess what!
310
00:22:51,880 --> 00:22:55,840
I'm going to be a supervisor!
Isn't it ace?! Janet, guess what!
311
00:22:55,840 --> 00:22:58,880
I'm gonna be a tramp! Isn't it ace?
312
00:22:58,880 --> 00:23:02,640
What?
I've been chucked out of me dad's.
313
00:23:02,640 --> 00:23:08,960
I've come to ask Norma if I can
sleep in the pool room. Oh, Jonny,
this is stupid. Just come to ours.
314
00:23:08,960 --> 00:23:11,680
Does no-one understand?
315
00:23:11,680 --> 00:23:13,720
I have my pride!
316
00:23:29,440 --> 00:23:32,280
I stole it off a clown.
317
00:23:32,280 --> 00:23:35,360
So new job, you say? Yep.
318
00:23:35,360 --> 00:23:40,080
A proper pay rise,
so I'll get loads of money,
free cakes and pies and biscuits.
319
00:23:40,080 --> 00:23:44,760
I'm the most eligible spinster
in Runcorn. What will you do
with your wealth?
320
00:23:44,760 --> 00:23:48,480
Well, I was thinking
of buying myself a boyfriend.
321
00:23:48,480 --> 00:23:51,880
Oh, yeah? Well, they don't come
cheap, those things.
322
00:23:51,880 --> 00:23:57,240
The one I saw wasn't
that expensive. Surely you'll be
wanting a top-of-the-range model?
323
00:23:57,240 --> 00:24:01,760
Nah, more of a comfortable model.
Nothing too powerful,
nothing too flash.
324
00:24:01,760 --> 00:24:06,120
Just one that gets me from A to B,
from ooh to ah-h!
325
00:24:06,120 --> 00:24:09,640
You need one that can handle curves.
That's true.
326
00:24:09,640 --> 00:24:15,400
One that needs servicing regularly.
Of course. One that doesn't damage
the environment with poisonous gases.
327
00:24:15,400 --> 00:24:19,160
I'm not bothered about that.
I love his poisonous gases.
328
00:24:19,160 --> 00:24:24,520
So where are you gonna shop
for this boyfriend, then?
It's very nearby.
329
00:24:26,120 --> 00:24:29,720
No, no. Wait!
No, Janet, this is wrong.
330
00:24:29,720 --> 00:24:32,240
I have my pride.
331
00:24:32,240 --> 00:24:36,880
It's all I've got - pride and...
a very long hanky.
332
00:24:36,880 --> 00:24:41,320
Oh, but...! No, it hurts too much,
Janet. I'll never come back.
333
00:24:41,320 --> 00:24:46,080
TUMMY RUMBLES
Even my tummy says so.
334
00:24:46,080 --> 00:24:52,120
God, you're hungry! Why didn't you
say? I've got loads of pasties back
at ours. Come and have some food.
335
00:24:52,120 --> 00:24:54,400
Well, maybe.
336
00:24:54,400 --> 00:24:58,000
I've not eaten for 48 hours.
I'm like a modern-day St David...
337
00:24:58,000 --> 00:24:59,520
Blaine!
338
00:25:01,600 --> 00:25:05,320
Come on. I've got Daddy's Sauce.
339
00:25:05,320 --> 00:25:08,040
Ugh! That sounded very wrong.
340
00:25:08,040 --> 00:25:11,280
Yeah, I've said OK.
Just don't expect any snuggles.
341
00:25:11,280 --> 00:25:16,680
What about cuggles? I'm just not
ready for that kind of commitment.
342
00:25:16,680 --> 00:25:19,480
I have my pride.
343
00:25:19,480 --> 00:25:21,520
OK, Jonny.
344
00:25:31,040 --> 00:25:35,520
Um, yeah, hello. ..Um, I'd like
to make an emergency appointment.
345
00:25:35,520 --> 00:25:37,560
Yeah, um...
346
00:25:37,560 --> 00:25:41,160
I just, er... Well, I think, er...
347
00:25:43,040 --> 00:25:45,560
..I think I'm impotent!
348
00:25:47,760 --> 00:25:50,280
You do understand, don't you?
349
00:25:50,280 --> 00:25:52,880
I'm not a man
who's easily manipulated.
350
00:25:52,880 --> 00:25:55,400
I'm no-one's Playdoh. Of course.
351
00:25:55,400 --> 00:26:02,120
I won't be squeezed out of someone's
scalp in the Mop Top Barbershop like
a bunch of blackheads. Of course.
352
00:26:02,120 --> 00:26:05,160
And there's me pride. Yeah, I know.
353
00:26:06,640 --> 00:26:12,680
You can't expect me to drop one girl
after being dropped by another
in case I get dropped by the next.
354
00:26:12,680 --> 00:26:15,120
Too many droppings.
355
00:26:15,120 --> 00:26:17,840
Like an incontinent chicken.
356
00:26:17,840 --> 00:26:22,120
OK, Jonny.
But, you know, we can talk.
357
00:26:22,120 --> 00:26:27,160
And one day, after you've begged
and begged and have absolutely
no self-respect left,
358
00:26:27,160 --> 00:26:32,760
then maybe, just maybe,
you can surf the Jonny riptide
to Sex Beach again.
359
00:26:35,560 --> 00:26:36,920
So...
360
00:26:36,920 --> 00:26:40,120
what're we having for tea?
361
00:26:40,120 --> 00:26:44,160
Smells like we're having cheese
and onion pasties. Yes, we are.
362
00:26:54,320 --> 00:26:57,840
Now you know I could never
resist you in shortcrust!
363
00:26:59,480 --> 00:27:03,080
I got the idea from Halle Berry
in James Bond.
364
00:27:04,240 --> 00:27:08,200
Well, I think you're much tastier.
365
00:27:12,320 --> 00:27:15,680
Er, what happened to your pride?
366
00:27:15,680 --> 00:27:18,520
Oh, he'll be making an appearance
during dinner!
367
00:27:21,040 --> 00:27:24,440
Ooh, wait! What now?
Quick! My cheese is seeping.
368
00:27:24,440 --> 00:27:28,240
Give us a bite of your arse.
Argh! Get off!
369
00:27:29,120 --> 00:27:33,840
'Donna, hi. Er...I just wanted
to say thanks for last night.
370
00:27:33,840 --> 00:27:36,280
'I really enjoyed it.'
371
00:27:36,280 --> 00:27:39,960
It was good last night, weren't it?
Familiar sex is always good.
372
00:27:39,960 --> 00:27:43,520
You never have to wash beforehand.
373
00:27:43,520 --> 00:27:47,640
I'm not having some old perve after
you impressing you with brunch!
374
00:27:47,640 --> 00:27:50,600
And you won't catch me wearing one,
college boy!
375
00:27:50,600 --> 00:27:52,600
No-o-o!
31967
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