All language subtitles for The Last Shot (2004) 1080p

Where's the money?

I tell you, I need
just a few more days.

Please, I can get it.

What are you gonna do to me?

Movie starts in three minutes.

If you don't tell us
where the money is,

we're gonna cut your fingers of
during the opening credits.

Titles. Credits come at the end of the movie.
Titles come first.

Fine, titles.

We're gonna cut 'em off
during the fucking titles.

The shows starts
in two minutes.

I tell ya, I just need
a couple more days.

Please, don't do it.

No! I'm telling you,
don't do it!

You gotta listen to me,

whatever you do, don't do it.

Do you hear me?

Don't do it.

The show starts in one minute.

We gotta get him out of there.

Devine hasn't given a signal. We
move when Devine gives the signal.

Maybe he forgot it, Ray.
He's tied to a chair.

That's Sal Rossi, Jr.
Down there, right?

Dancing popcorn. Jesus Christ.

Screw the signal. I say
we get him out of there.

No, wait. Devine
hasn't given a signal

because he wants Rossi
to take a finger.

What are you talking about?

Take a finger?
What if you're wrong, Ray?

What if he forgot
the fucking signal?

Look, don't you get it?
If Sal takes that finger,

we get him for assault, attempted murder.
That's 20 years.

This is crazy. He doesn't
want us to wait, Ray.

He doesn't want us to wait while
some psycho takes his finger.

This is Devine's detail,
and he wants us to wait.

The dancing hotdog.
Jesus Christ!

All right, you get some ice.
You get the finger.

Aah!

Hello. I'm home.

Sasha, where are you?
I have presents.

Sasha!

Mr. Devine,
I tried calling you.

They said it was impossible to reach you.
I even tried that special number.

I have these presents I wanna
give to Sasha. Where is she?

I'm sorry, sir,
your dog is dead.

She killed herself.

What?

The Jacuzzi. She threw herself
into the Jacuzzi.

I tried to find you.
It was horrible.

Well, no, maybe she fell in.

Oh, there was a witness.
Alejandro, the gardener's son.

It was suicide.

Suicide?

She was lonely. She couldn't
stand it anymore.

Why the fuck didn't you
go outside and play with her?

Throw the little red ball
with her?

I'm sorry, Mr. Devine.
I know you loved that dog.

On Tuesday, she dug up
all the flowers

and then took a dump
in the kitchen.

I believe that was her note.

Joe, from the beautiful words
you've written,

it's clear to me that Sasha
wasn't just a great dog.

She was a great friend.

Sasha was loyal,
she was compassionate,

and she loved to shake.

And now I'm going to ask you to bow
your head for one minute of silence.

Sorry to hear about Sasha.

I know you were
close to that bitch.

So what brings you to town?
Did you hear about my finger?

Yeah. Very proud of the work
you're doing here in Houston.

Then why don't you get me
the hell out of here?

Jack, you've been deputy director
of the Bureau for six years,

and I've been stuck here
for five of those years.

Do you know
what people would say

if I handed you the Gotti
detail in New York?

They took my fucking index finger.
They cut my fucking finger off.

And we appreciate that.

I'm your brother, Jack.

You tell 'em I can do this,

and I'm gonna nail
these motherfuckers.

Take it easy. Listen,
I am on your side.

I'm on your side. We all know
you're gonna be a star, Joseph.

Jack, I'm never gonna
be a star in Houston.

I know. That's why
I'm sending you to Providence.

Providence?

There's mobsters
in Rhode Island?

What are we doing in Rhode Island?
We were better off in Houston.

That's Tommy Sanz in there,
Gotti's cousin.

Second cousin.

He's still family.

Sal Rossi, Jr.
Wasn't even Italian.

Hey, we nail
this Tommy Sanz guy,

that could be our ticket
to Philadelphia, New York,

maybe even Washington.

FBI agens believe John Gotti

planned Paul Castellano's murder
outside Sparks Steak House

in December, 1985,

and prosecutors are expected to try
to make another case against him.

With Gotti in prison...

So, Tommy, you get invited
to John's party?

...for their own protection.

Investigators have been
watching Gotti...

I really don't think.

John considers me
part of the family anymore.

It's my face, Willie.

The guys back home
can't stand to look at me.

I thought after the second surgery,
things would change. Pfft.

Did you talk to that
plastic surgeon?

He said he wanted to take skin
from my ass cheeks

and put it on my face.

I beat that cocksucker
with his own chair.

I need to do something big.

Or I'll never get back
to New York.

There's another movie shooting
in town. Horror movie.

One of the producers
calls Wally over at the local.

Seems they need a favor
from the teamsters.

I said big, Willie,
big, like this TV.

That's 52 inches.

They need 10 trucks max,
25 drivers, no hassles.

Last time, our cut
was three grand.

Fine. Tell Wally...

They're talking about a bribe.

They're taking a bribe
from those movie people

that make a deal
with the union.

So?

So the mob controls the union,
the teamsters,

which means
they control the trucks,

the trucks
the movie people use.

What the hell are ya
talking about?

I know how we're gonna
get Tommy Sanz.

Agent Devine, it says here
you wanna produce a movie?

No, sir. Actually, there really
isn't going to be a movie.

I only want Tommy Sanz
to think I'm producing a movie.

We really don't give a shit.
Just tell us the play.

Trucks. This is how all movies
are made, sir, with trucks.

We're gonna offer
Tommy Sanz a bribe

to intercede with the
teamsters on our behalf,

and once he accepts, we're gonna
nail him for racketeering.

Well, there's an obvious
risk here, Agent Devine.

What do you know
about producing movies?

Ohh...

Oh, yeah. Oh,
you're such a star.

I don't hear anything, honey.

It's not happening. They're not
making any sound, honey. No.

I can't take it anymore, Steve.

I can't take it anymore, Steve.
I can't take it anymore.

I'm gonna go kill...
The headphones.

Hey, shut the fuck up!
Do you understand me?!

Shut the fuck fucking up!

I'm gonna fucking come down
there and fucking kill you.

Do you hear me,
you motherfuckers?

I'm sick and tired of living
like this my whole life!

Smells like shit! Yeah,
I'm talking to you!

You piece
of motherfucking shit!

We live in a kennel.
We live in a kennel.

Yeah, but you know who boards
their dogs down there?

Goldie Hawn, Ted Danson,
Meryl Streep.

Connie Chung.

I've met agents down there,
studio heads.

I'm gonna kill those dogs. I'm
gonna fucking kill those dogs.

All right, if you wanna move,
we'll move,

but then we're both gonna
have to work full-time.

Could you just stop it?

I'm so sick of you
and your threats.

How many years have I had to
live with you and your threats?

Maybe I don't wanna be
an actress anymore.

You're a great actress.

Oh, let's stop
the bullshit, Steven.

I am not an actress.
I play the piano at the mall.

It's not the mall.

It's Nordstrom's, where
every casting agent shops.

I'm 34 years old.

How messed up am I that I have
to stay here and live like this?

Make a great story,
though, won't it,

when you're famous and you
have to talk about your life?

"Valerie Weston
goes from pound to gown

as she steps out of her limo
at the Chinese theater."

I'm going to work.

I know you're nervous, Robert.

It's your first day,
but you're gonna do great.

You'll be working
as a floater in concessions.

You'll be in charge
of napkins and butter.

A large is three squirts,
a medium two squirts...

Thanks.

You're welcome. Next, please.

Thank you. Enjoy the show.

Thank you. Enjoy the show.

Mandy Patinkin?
Mandy... Mandy Patinkin?

Mandy Patinkin. Mandy Patinkin.

Ma... Mandy Patinkin.

Stop it, Arnie.

No, you stop telling me
how great I am

and you tell me
where my fucking script is.

Y-Y-You do not wanna
eat lunch off my ass.

You wanna eat lunch off my ass?

I thought you were kosher.

Arnie, I'll make you a deal...

you deliver that script,

and lunch is on me,
you Lebanese piece of shit.

Love to Bernice
and the baby. Roger!

Roger, can you get me my back
brace and my banjo, please?

I'm a big fan
of law enforcement.

I used to date the black guy
on Hill Street Blues.

So you're going undercover
as a Hollywood producer.

Yes.

Are you doing features
or TV or MOWs, what?

Movies.

God, I love the movies.

After I was stabbed
by my personal trainer in 1981,

I was terrified
to leave my house.

And then, one day,
I went to the movies!

Oh, God, and I never came home.

The movies saved my life.

I'm even back with that trainer
now, which is really remarkable.

Roger! Excuse me. I'm sorry.

Roger!

Never hire a diabetic.

Huh. What exactly
does a producer do?

Well, where's your script?

Script? I don't have a, uh...

You don't have a script?

No.

Roger! I'm sorry.

Camille, can you get
fucking Roger!

You know what? I'm sorry.
I've got a 3:30 and...

Well, can you help me
find a script?

This is Hollywood.

Just go outside and ask anyone
you see to give you a script...

a gardener, a cripple,
a child molester.

They've all got 'em.
You just gotta find one.

Roger? Do I need
to give you your shot?

My deepest condolences, sir.
Here's your ticket.

The script is called Arizona.

It's the true story
of a young woman's

spiritual journey
through the desert

as she battles cancer

and searches for the spirit
caves of the Hopi Indians.

I, uh, actually
have a script with me.

If you had time, maybe after
Shiva, you might wanna...

So tell me about your script.

OK. It's a romantic comedy.
It's about this couple...

They find the guy, they find
the head of the organization,

like, on a golf course.
Right. Or a river.

It's the true story
of a young woman's

spiritual journey through the
desert as she battles cancer

while searching for the spirit
caves of the Hopi Indians.

I've already
got a cancer movie.

What kind?

Brain.

Brain? Brain's
been done to death.

This is breast.

I have Meg Tilly attached,
and Meg Tilly likes brain.

The rest of the time,
he's got no head.

He's got, like, seven hours
to find a new head,

but he's fucked up
because he has no head.

It's about fallen angels.

They're not evil, but they were
supposed to watch over humanity

to protect us.

So that's basically it...

It's a road picture,
it's a love story,

it's a tear-jerker.

OK, but here's the kicker...

It's an election day. Uh-huh.

And he can't vote
because he's got no head.

Hey.

The Jacuzzi.

She threw herself
into the Jacuzzi.

Val, put the dog down.

I was trying to nap
before my audition,

and I know this is
the dog that barked,

you little fuck!

Honey, you're gonna get this commercial, I know it.
You love Raisin Bran.

I'm not going on the audition, Steven.
I'm finished.

Put the Pomeranian down.

I know it's gonna keep on barking,
I know it's gonna keep on barking.

No, it's not. It's not
gonna keep on barking

because you're gonna give me the dog, and
I'm gonna take it out of here right now.

It's OK. You can do it.

Wh-What are you, some kind
of Good Samaritan?

No.

I'm a Hollywood producer.

Oh, sweetheart, it's OK.
It's all right.

No, honey, it's gonna be OK.

Movies and TV
or just movies or...

Aw, honey.

Um, I'm Steven... Schats.

Steven Sch... aw, honey, baby.

Who's Steven Schats?

Uh, he's done quite a bit of directing
in the Los Angeles theater.

He won the Goldstein Award
for Debbie Does Shabbat

at Temple Judaica.

Billy Crystal is a member
of that congregation.

Is Billy Crystal
going to be in the movie?

Uh, no. Because
there is no movie.

Then why do you
need a director?

I need a director in order to
sell the movie to Tommy Sanz.

But you said there is no movie.

I'm not really making a movie,
sir. I'm just producing one.

We, uh... really
don't give a shit.

Just tell us the play.

The screenplay
is entitled Arizona.

It's the inspiring true story

of a dying young woman as she
travels through the desert

in search of herself and the
Hopi Indian spirit caves.

What kind of movie is that?

It's a tear-jerker, sir.
She... dies in the end.

From dehydration?

Don't come down here...

Lonnie.

Steven. What are you
doing here?

Lonnie, get dressed.
I have a meeting in one hour.

It's a lunch with a producer

who read my script over the
weekend, and he liked it.

Of course he did.
It's brilliant.

He asked me if I was
bringing representation.

I didn't wanna look like a schmuck,
so I told him I had an agent.

You want me to go with you?

Oh, you know
I don't drive anymore.

You don't have to drive.
I'll drive.

Just put on some clothes.
Get dressed.

We've got a lunch.
We've got... a lunch.

Hmm. Don't touch the mail
if it comes. Ever. Don't.

Lonnie. Lonnie, just go get dressed.
Go get dressed.

Relax, Steven, it's just a lunch.
Where's the meeting?

Musso and Frank's.

You're in luck.

Heh-heh. I got a blowjob
at Musso and Frank's.

No, no, no. You listen to me,
you Lebanese piece of shit.

I'm the producer, I'm in charg,
this is my picture, you got me?

Ha-ha, OK. My love to Bernice.
I'm so sorry.

Uh, I'm sorry we're late,
Mr. Diamond.

This is Lonnie Bosco
of Bosco and Sugarman.

Pleasure.

Steven, let me just say that I read
the screenplay for Arizona...

and I absolutely loved it.

My wife Sasha died recently,

so the story
really hit close to home.

What kind of cancer
did she have?

She drowned in a Jacuzzi.

The dentists from Boston
that I represent,

they love the movie as well.

I know, the script
needs a lot of work.

We're prepared to make a deal
for you to direct the movie.

You wanna make a deal
for me to... but I'm...

Now, we wanna move forward
right away.

Do you think you could make the
movie for, say, $1 million?

Steven wants final cut.

No, no, Lonnie,
I don't need final cut.

Final cut. That's no problem.
Casting approval?

Yes. He's the director.

He wants 10% of, uh...

first-dollar gross points.

Yes. OK, 10%.

You're saying yes?

You want me to direct Arizon?

You really...
you want me to do that?

I'm not saying yes.

I'm saying hell, yes.

He's saying, "Yes, hell, yes,"

at Musso and Frank's.

There's only
one question I have.

The cover of the screenplay sas
it's written by Steven Schats

and Marshal Paris?

Yes. Marshal Paris,
he's my brother.

Paris is his pen name.

We wrote the story
about our sister.

She's the dead lady.

Well, before we make any deals,

I'm gonna wanna secure all the
rights, get some signatures.

Oh, well, that's impossible.
Marshal went home.

You'll just have to go home
one more time, Steven.

No, no, no.

Home... to the Ponderosa.

The Ponderosa?

Ladies and gentlemen...

the Cartwrights.

Adam, Hoss, Little Joe,

and Ben Cartwright!

Run for cover, folks.

It seems the Snake-Eye Gang
has robbed the bank.

It's over, Snake Eyes.
Drop the gold.

We don't want no more
killing here.

It's got nothing to do
with your boys, Cartwright.

Let's just settle this,
you and me.

The gift shop will be open
till 7pm.

Bathrooms are out of order.

Marshal?

We're closing.

Where's Dad?

Ben Cartwright
gets off at 2:30.

He's the star of the show.
What are you doing here?

We did it, Marshal.
We're making Arizona.

Charlotte's story will be told.

That's impossible.

I haven't shown anyone
that script in two years.

Look at this. You see this?

It's a contract
from a producer.

He wants you to sign a release.

It's not for sale.

We're gonna split $100,000.

This is real, Steven.
This is my life.

I am a person
with an identity now,

not some Hollywood flunky

spending his entire life
waiting to have lunch.

I want you
to sign this release.

I want you to understand
what this means to me,

that I've spent my whole life
waiting to yell "action" and "cut"

for the first time.

I used to believe you when you said
we'd have matching black Corvettes,

that one day, we'd get to
walk up the red carpet

and get interviewed
by Mary Hart.

I really thought it was true.

It is true, all of it.
It's just ten years late.

I'm sorry, Steven.
I'll never sign.

And you can tell Hollywood
she already had her chance.

I just need your signature
right here next to Marshal's.

Why does Steven have to sign
a release, Mr. Diamond?

It's standard.

I'm gonna sign a release, the dentists
in Virginia will sign a release.

Look at this guy.

He really thinks
he's making a movie.

We fucked up, Ray. There's a big
plumbing outfit here in L.A.

Joe Diamond Plumbing.

Shit. We have to
change his name.

I don't know what to say.
Is this really happening?

This is it, Steven.

Thank you, Mr. Diamond.

Steven, you've got yourself
a green light.

Ehh.

� Looks like he made it.

Looks like Steven's on the way

� To a better life

� Looks like he made it

� Steven Schats is on the way

� To a better life

� Looks like he made it .

Steven, come on up.

OK. OK, great. Well, I just wanna
thank all of you for being here.

And I wanna tell you that all of you
are going to be working on this movie.

And I wanna thank one man
for that, I wanna...

The man who made this
all possible...

the man who came into my life

and gave me the gift
of a green light.

He made all my dreams come true
as the producer of Arizona...

Mr. Joe Diamond!

� Come on, get happy.

Yeah, Joe Diamond.

A whole lot of talent
is what he'll be bringin'

� To make you happy.

Thank you.

� He had a dream...

Steven, my name isn't Diamond.
It's Wells.

Wells? I thought
it was Diamond.

No. Joe Wells. That's my name.

But you said it was Diamond.

No, it's Wells.
It's always been Wells.

It's a common mistake.

� ...happy

� He'll make you happy.

Look at them all.

I thought you might wanna be
here when I picked one out.

How do you know
which one to get?

And... action.

Action.

Action.

Cut it. That's lunch,
people. Moving on.

Very quiet, please.
Director on set.

Something wrong?

I know what the first shot
is going to be.

A wide shot looking across
the desert floor.

Nothing can be seen for miles.

Then we slowly push in.

An image appears...

in the distance,
limping toward us.

Charlotte, an angel
walking on water.

Only the water is burning sand,

and the angel is dying.

I've had that shot in my head
for a long time.

Thank you, Joe.

Listen, Steven,

what do you think about doing
the picture in New England?

I don't understand.

Do you think you could make it
work in, let's say, Rhode Island?

The dentists and I have made a very sweet
deal with the film commission there,

and they're gonna roll out
the red carpet for us.

But the movie
is called Arizona.

It's always taken place
in Arizona.

There are scenes
inside the Grand Canyon.

Well, but the guts of the story
wouldn't have to change.

What about the Hopi Indians?

Yeah, but do you realize
how many Indians

wound up settling
in Rhode Island?

Take it from me,
I've been to both places,

and the similarities
would astound you.

Do that again.

We're calling this operation
"Dramex."

At this time, I would like
to introduce Fanny Nash,

the producer of the hit
comedy No Means No

to discuss proper
Hollywood protocol.

I am over 35 years old.

I am physically unable
to bear children,

and I pay alimony
to my ex-husband,

who is a faggot,

yet I am willing to bet

that all of you would fuck me
over that desk right now

if you knew you'd be having
lunch with Harrison Ford

as soon as you blew your wad.

If you wanna carry yourself lie
you're in the movie business,

you need to act like
the big dog, Clifford,

and remember that
everyone in the entire world

is desperate to play with
your big red balls.

I can see clearly now,
the rain has gone

I love you all.
I'll see you on the set.

...all obstacles in my way...

It may have taken ten years,

but Papillion
has jumped from the cliff,

and he's swimming to the shore!

� ...sun-shiny day.

Break a leg, Steven.

It's gonna a bright,
bright, sun-shiny day .

We're expecting a smooth
flight into Rhode Island,

so please sit back, relax
and enjoy the flight.

So how old was she?

Who?

Your wife when she died.

If you don't wanna
talk about it, I understand.

Sasha was my age.

Was she in the business?

Now, why would I marry a whore?

A whore?

No, no, the business.
The movie business.

Oh, right, the movie business.

Yes, she was, yes.

What did Sasha do?

Hair. She did hair.

Hair. Hair. That's great.

So you met on the set?

Yes, on the set.

What movie?

Um...

Jaws.

Jaws? Your wife
did the hair on Jaws?

That's one of
my favorite movies.

Mine, too.

Did it bother her that Quint
always wore a hat?

Well, they had
some words, yeah.

That is so ironic.

She worked on Jaws, and then
she drowns in a Jacuzzi.

I never really thought of it
that way before.

Rest of your family...
are they in the movie business?

Well, I have one brother.
He's a doctor, a surgeon.

He was the smart one.
Top of his class.

I was never much of a student.

In the sixth grade,
I was struck by lightning.

Lightning?

I was standing
in the playground

with a metal lunchbox.

Suddenly, I saw this light,

the brightest light
you can imagine.

The next thing I knew, I was...

I was inside of the light,
and...

I was part of the light.

Fuck.

Feel the top of my head.
Go ahead.

You feel that?

Yeah.

You know what that is?

That's one in a million.

Steven, this is Troy Haines

from the Rhode Island
film commission.

Hey, welcome to Providence,
Mr. Schats,

the Arizona of the east.

And this is
the Woonasquatucket River,

which used to be known as the
Moshassuck Dam before the floods of '64

and was seen over the credits

of the situation comedy
Doctor, Doctor.

Joe, I have to be honest.

This doesn't resemble
the Colorado River at all.

Look at all that cement.

There's way too many cars.

That's a snack bar?
Tony Roma's?

What if we were to shoot the
skinny-dipping scene at night?

I don't know how Rick would see
Charlotte's birthmark.

What about the ducks?

Don't worry about the fucking ducks.
I'll take care of them.

This is the second-largest
landfill in New England,

shot by director Miles O'Keefe

in the climatic scene
of his film.

Nora Declares War.

Back then, it was a park,

now it's the Grand Canyon.

Just picture some burros,

some tourists
in some loud t-shirts.

The trucks are a sound problem.

I think there's
too many seagulls.

Well, they mainly feed
in the mornings.

No different than
the buzzards of Sedona.

Garage 16, the Hopi Indian
spirit cave.

How am I supposed to get
30 Indians in there

dancing around a fire?

Well, we're gonna have to,
you know, force 'em in.

Steven...

Steven...

Joe, what are we gonna do?
Most of the locations are shit.

No cactus, there's no desert.

You have to call the dentists.

Maybe you could change the
script just a little.

Change the script? Change...
Joe, Joe, this script is...

You can't just change the...
a cactus is a cactus.

I have an obligation
to Charlotte.

I don't have a cactus,
I don't have any thorns.

I don't have any thorns,
no torn dress.

No torn dress,
no birthmark on the ass.

No birthmark, no skinny dipping
with Rick and Charlotte

on the mighty Colorado River!

No skinny dipping,
no water snake.

No water snake,
no Chlamydia scare.

No Chlamydia scare,
no doctor...

Well, let me
take care of all that.

I'm the producer, OK?

I don't think I can
make this work here.

Hey, do me a favor.

Come with me. I wanna
show you something.

Come on.

� Hey, everybody

� Let's have some fun

� You only live but once.

And when you're dead,
you're done

� So let the good times roll..

Mr. Schats, welcome
to the Providence Biltmore.

This is your key
to the Eisenhower Suite.

I don't care
if you're young or old.

You oughta get together
and let the good times roll

� Don't sit there mumbling...

This is your suite.

� If you wanna have a ball...

Welcome, sir.

And let
the good times roll now.

I'm talkin' 'bout
the good times.

Maybe it doesn't
have to be cactus.

Well, it makes no differene
whether you're young or old

� All you got to do is get together
and let the good times roll .

Tommy, where you goin'?

Wally's havin' a meetin'.

With who?

Hollywood.

Uh, Mr. Kamin, Steven here

is one of the most sought-after
commercial directors in Hollywood.

Last year, he was nominated for a
Cleo Award over in East Germany.

The commercial was for

a new work boot
called the Verspatten.

I can assure you, the teamsters
will support your project 100%.

See, Mr. Kamin,
that's the thing.

We were hoping to do
this picture non-union.

You know, no teamsters,
no minimums.

That gonna be a problem?

Let me make this as clear
as I possibly can.

There is no way you are going
to produce a film in my town

without a full load
of union trucks

and union drivers
surrounding your set.

You try and make a movie here
without our trucks,

and I'll shut you motherfuckers
down before lunch.

Excuse me, can I help you
with something?

I hear you're having trouble
with the teamsters.

I know somebody that can help.

Look at this.

They say American football
don't compare to rugby.

Last night, a player
was kicked out

for shoving his index finger
up another guy's ass

at the bottom of the pile.

Tommy, this is Joe Wells,
movie producer.

It's a pleasure, Mister...

You know what I hate,
Mr. Wells?

Poor sportsmanship.

I see you're
lookin' at my face.

My wife set me on fire
while I was sleepin'.

She doused me with lighter
fluid, lit a match.

Six months later,
our marriage fell apart.

She's very beautiful.

Thank you.

I promised her Manhattan,
Las Vegas, Chicago.

But it wasn't happening for me.

Thanks to her, company
sends me to Providence.

Tommy, he brought the money.

All of it?

8,000.

We'd like you to take care
of this thing, Mr. Sanz.

We don't want any trouble with the union.
It's done.

Congratulations.

You just made a deal
with the teamsters.

That's it. Sanz took the bribe.

Let's move.

Wait, wait. Devine
hasn't given a signal.

Let me ask you something,
Mr. Wells.

How hard is it to get into
the movie business?

Hi, Steven. Haah!

Val... what are you doing here?

Why are you limping?

Charlotte was bitten
by a water snake.

I jammed a fork into my thigh
to create a sense memory.

Oh...

Oh.

Oh, Steven, Steven...

tell me I'm gonna
play Charlotte.

Tell me I have the part.

Tell me it was all worth it.

Well, it's, uh...

That's complicated.

I do have casting approval,
though.

We heard the tape.
He took the bribe.

That's racketeering, conspiracy
to manipulate the union.

Abe, you saw how easy
this one was.

We can go after
bigger fish now.

Joe, it took three dogs to
find your finger in Houston.

You know what
you're gonna lose,

you start messing with the
bigger fish in Rhode Island?

It's over.

Abe, just give me one more
week here in Providence.

No.

Let me just cast the movie,
that's all I'm asking.

Yeah, cast the movie.

You said there was no movie.

Tommy Sanz is already on the line.
We can always reel him in.

Let's see who else we can hook.

Cast the movie.

You mean really cast it
or pretend to cast it?

Steven, this is
Monica Montebello.

She'll be reading the role of Charlotte's
oncologist, Dr. Gail Reeves.

Hi. How are you?

Thank you.

I need a moment, please.

Should I get the stethoscope?

You think she should audition
with the stethoscope?

Oh, look at the shot
I'm getting.

What are you doing?
You're shooting her tits.

What choice do I have?

You think it would be OK if I ask
Joe if I could shoot the movie?

What are you talking about?

I wanna be the cinematographer.

Steven. Steven.

Emily French is here.

She just drove up in a limo.

She wants to read
for Charlotte.

Emily French?

She's been nominated.

She must think
this is a big movie.

Maybe it is a big movie.

Emily French.

Oh, she's fantastic.
She was nominated.

Oh, what's the name
of that movie she was in?

Um, she's a blackjack dealer.

I don't think I saw it.

I didn't see it, either.

No, you saw it. Um... Eric Roberts
does her on the pool table.

She's got
silver-dollar nipples.

Oh, yeah. I saw that on Cinemax.
Oh, man, she's good.

I remember that one.

Yeah. What was the name
of that thing?

Emily. Emily French.

Hi, I'm... Hi. How are you...

Don't look at me.

I just had a facial,
and my skin looks disgusting.

No, it looks great.

Really great. Really great.

I'm sorry I just
turned up like this,

but I got ahold of the script

and decided to fight the
good fight for this one.

Do you mind if I do
the suicide scene?

Um...

I might use this chair

as my spirit cave.

Hmm. It's really good,
actually.

Could you get me a water?

Yeah, sure. Absolutely.

And would you mind
getting the lights?

Yes, ma'am.

Women in Hollywood...
they are beautiful.

You should see
the women in the navy.

The navy?

They are nice.

Would you switch, actually?

Yeah.

I can't even write my own name.

I guess this means
it's almost over.

I can't keep my hand
on the page.

Where were you
when I needed you?!

� Do you know

� Where you're going to?

� Do you like the things.

Life is show... ing you?

In a moment, I'm gonna die.

I wish I could
live to see that.

She's a very good actress.

After my nomination,
I just... freaked out,

turned everything down
that they sent.

Then I had
a late-term abortion,

went into deep depression,
got really into coke,

moved to Florida for a year

and made a bunch of B-movies for my
Eurotrash boyfriend, who wrote and directed

and made sure I got my tits out
in every other scene.

The truth is,
I was blackballed in Hollywood

because the great Jed Walker
claimed that the baby was his,

that I had murdered his baby
in the fifth month,

which, if you had seen it,
it clearly was not.

But Hollywood wasn't calling,

so my assistant and I
checked ourselves into rehab

in New Mexico

and started working with clay,

building miniature
adobe structures.

Yeah, I've still got
a condo there,

but I've decided
to start acting again,

and that's why
I was in New York,

doing that horrible
little play in the buff.

Steven, when
my African-American agent

sent me a copy of Arizona...

...I cried all night...

...because I was born
to play Charlotte.

I tried to kill myself...

twice,

once in the bathtub and...

once in Switzerland.

Miss French,

we're prepared to offer you the role
of Charlotte right here and now.

Wait a minute. Valerie...
Could I have your autograph?

Joe, I have casting approval.
It's in my contract.

What the fuck is your name?

We have a chance to do something right
now that could change our lives.

For the first time, I've
seen the movie in my mind,

I feel it in my gut.

As your producer, I'm asking
you not to mess this up.

There you go. Why don't you go
and ruin somebody else's dinner?

We have a limited budget.

Are you kidding?

I don't need the money.

I'll be your slave.

I'll wash your shorts.

I'll clip your toenails.
Give me that glass.

I have not failed a drug test
in six months.

Thank you.

Ahem. Miss French,
what are you doing?

Peeing in a cup.

There you go.

I'll pee in a cup every day.
Twice a day.

The fucking insurance people

can have all the hot,
steaming piss they want.

So, tell me about yourselves.

I want to go into business
with you, Joe,

start producing movies
all over the country.

I got contacts... Philadelphia,
Jersey, Chicago, New York.

I middle the deals with the
teamsters, you produce the movies.

I'm talking about
a 50/50 partnership.

These are movies
we're talking about here.

There is risk. You can't
put guns to people's heads

and make 'em go to the movies.
If you say so.

Anyway, that's why it's your jb
to make good movies.

Do you think you could do that?
Yeah, I'm a producer.

That's what I do. Good, 'cause
this is what I will do.

Are you insane?!

It's in Variety, Joe. There's
an article in Variety.

That was planted by Emily
French's publicist,

and it's exactly
what we needed.

We can't have articles
about famous actresses

starring in
our undercover operation.

We're not even supposed to tell
our wives about these things.

Sanz is a partner, which
means they're all partners.

I'm telling you, we've
gotta make this movie now.

I can produce Arizona
for $1 million,

sell off the foreign
and video rights

for twice that much,

presell network and cable
because of Emily French.

And if this movie turns out
the way that I know it will,

I believe we can get
an American distribution deal,

which could mean millions more.

You guys have got to trust me.

Two years from now, the heads
of the Rhode Island family

will be in federal prison

watching the movie
that put them away on HBO.

Abe, we'd better
read the script.

Don't hurt him! He's my baby!

Val, put the dog down.

What do you think, Steven?
You can just send me away?

You can just send me back to the Valley?
No, Charlotte was mine.

Val, it's Emily French.

I was supposed to be Charlotte.

She's had breast-reduction
surgery.

She understands the mindset
of mastectomy.

I'm going home, Steven,
to do porno.

I'm going home to the Valley.

Please...

I'm gonna go home, Steven.
That's right. I'm serious.

Because of you, I'm gonna
get gang-banged, Steven,

gang-banged in Woodland Hills.

A lot of great actresses
started out in porn.

I'm gonna
break this dog's neck.

Don't. Listen.

Listen, what if you played
Dr. Gail Reeves?

Hmm.

The oncologist?

I can't believe it. Yeah,
I'm the richest man in town.

You know why? Because
I have friends. Yeah.

Let's make a movie.
Let's do it.

Yeah!

"The following screenplay

"is the property
of the United States Governmen.

"Fade in - Arizona - Day.

"A wide shot
across the desert floor.

Charlotte is an angel
walking across the water."

I'm leaning toward this one
with the white nose.

Looks like he might be named Thunder.
His name's Frosty.

What if we called him Thunder?
That's his name in the script.

Would he still trot for us?

He's a donkey. He trots
when you hit him with a stick.

Jesus!

Look at the cock
on this one, Steven.

I want riding lessons
immediately.

We're in The Hollywood Reporte.

Look at this.
Both our names are mentioned.

Steven, you just got
a telegram from Pat Morita.

He's read half the script,

and he thinks he wants
to play the part of Rick.

I'm calling his agents.

This is perfect.

I've always pictured Rick
as a middle-aged Asian.

If we get Morita,
we can have anybody we want

for old man Laramie
and Chief Black Bear.

Joe, I want soaring music over
the reptile house montage.

I think we should go after
Randy Newman to do the score.

Who's Randy Newman?

He wrote the score
to The Natural.

Randy Newman. "I Love L.A.,"
"Short People"?

� Short people got

� No reason

� Short people got

� No reason.

Short people got
� No reason to live.

They got little hands
� ...hands

� Little feet.

They drive little cars

� That go beep-beep-beep.

Well, I don't want
no short people.

Don't want no short people
round here...

What the fuck's wrong with Joe?

Abe, why don't we start
with our general comments?

"While we love
the emotional journey

"that Charlotte takes
in this script,

"we feel there are things
that could make this story

"more accessible
to a general audience.

Number one... a high-speed
motorcycle chase."

Um, I really think we need
to discuss the burro first.

Right.

The burro is a big problem
in Washington.

I've already booked the burro.

As we read it, Charlotte
frees the old burro

at the bottom
of the Grand Canyon.

Yeah, she knows she's dying,
so she frees the burro.

If she liberates the burro back
into the wild, he's gonna die.

Guys, Steven loves the burro.

Joe, we suggest she free some other
type of animal, maybe a large bird.

She could come across
an injured bird

on the side of the road,
maybe an eagle.

She could mend its wing
and then set it free.

American bald eagle's an emotional
symbol in this country,

and they're endangered.

She's on foot,

so why is she walking around
carrying a large eagle?

If she had a motorcycle,
she wouldn't be on foot.

I heard you're cutting
the burro scene.

Why wasn't I called? We didn't
think it would matter to you.

You didn't think
it would matter to me.

They didn't think
it would matter to me.

You didn't think
it would matter to me.

I'm the executive producer
of this film.

I have business cards printed.
It fuckin' matters!

Tommy, the dentists in Boston

believe that the old burro
would die in the wild.

That old burro's
gonna die, anyway.

It's tired and sickly.

You tell the dentists

that Charlotte is giving it
some fuckin' dignity.

We're leaning toward
another animal now.

Like a horse?

Eagle.

Yeah, that'll work.

She's gonna ride an eagle

down to the floor
of the Grand Canyon.

Is this a fuckin' Disney movie?

No, no, no. She's gonna find
it by the side of the road.

It's gonna have a broken wing.

Who the fuck broke it?

Production.
Can you hold, please?

Production. No, Mr. Schats
is in a meeting.

Yeah, I'll transfer you.

Production. No, Mr. Schats
is in wardrobe.

He can't come to the phone...

Ta-da! Look at this.

That's it, Emily.
That's the suicide dress.

This will be the last
image of Charlotte

as she jumps from
the mouth of the cave.

Actually, I wanted to talk
to you guys about that.

About what?

The end of the picture,
the dreaded third act.

I know what you're gonna say.

We don't need the cremation montage.
It's redundant.

Oh, no, no, I'm talking
about Charlotte's death.

It seems so bloody pointless to
just kill her off like that.

What if she lived?

Lived?

Lived? Oh, no,
that's impossible.

This movie is a runaway train

heading towards
Charlotte's death.

I've always felt that dying
inspired her to live,

which is why she tries
sushi for the first time

in Flagstaff.

Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, OK.

OK, yeah, I get it.

Yeah, it was just a thought.

I won't bring it up again.

I am so starving.

Anybody want to get a pizza?

Hey, you coming downstairs?
Emily's waiting at the bar.

I stole
all the little shampoos.

Little conditioner,
little soaps.

Even the shower cap.

I stole them from the hotel,
put them inside my suitcase.

What are you talking about?

Two years ago,
I rented a chicken suit.

I stood outside
the William Morris agency

and tried to hand out
copies of my script.

They sent two boys from the
mailroom to beat me up.

Well, hey, all that's
behind you now.

What if you're wrong?

What if I've waited
all this time,

and I can't do it?

Have you ever seen a man die?

I'm not sure
I understand the question.

No, have you actually
seen a person die,

watched them bleed to death,

seen them take
their last breath?

I've seen that, many times.

Why have you seen that?

I used to produce music videos,

and when people
look close to death,

when they're lying on the floor
staring up at those lights,

they all have the same
expressions on their faces.

No matter who they are,

people are basically afraid
of the unknown...

but you don't have to be afrai.

You can put the shampoo bottles
and the soaps

back in the bathroom,

because you're gonna make
a great movie.

We're gonna make a great movie.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Hey, Joe?

I put a little start-up gift
in your room,

just something
to say thank you.

I didn't get you anything.

Didn't get me anything?

You got me to Providence.

Get some rest.

Joe, the Federal Bureau
of Investigation

is prepared to offer you
a three-picture deal.

You are kidding me.

We'd like to start production on movies in
Philadelphia, New Jersey and New York City.

Any questions?

I want merchandising.

What's merchandising?

Toys.

Go fuck yourself.

Here is the key
to the city of Providence,

Arizona of the east.

The good people of Providence
have one thing to say.

Break a leg.

Hello, everybody,
I'm Steven Schats, director.

This is Joe Wells,
our producer.

I'd like to just
welcome everybody

to the cast and crew
read-through,

the first one of Arizona.

We start shooting in three day,
and before we begin,

I'd like to go around the table

and have everyone
introduce yourself.

Oh, uh, Pat Morita,
playing Rick.

Hey, what about this?

Do we want to see the cancer
leave her body?

That could work.

That could work.

That could work.

How would we do that?

Emily French, Charlotte.

Clarence Smith,
cinematographer.

What if he said,
"Put you in remission"?

I like it.

Russell Means,
Chief Black Bear.

Uh, it's actually not Chief Black Bear anymore.
That didn't clear.

You're gonna have to be called
Chief Black Hawk.

Oh, shit.
Hope I can handle that.

Valerie Weston,

Dr. Gail Reeves, oncologist.

Lonnie?

This is my agent Lonnie.

I guess the trip
must have tired him out.

Lonnie.

Lonnie!

I'll be dedicating this film

to my late agent and dear
friend Lonnie Bosco.

I wrote a short poem for Lonnie

entitled "Your Arm's Too Short
To Box With Moses."

Mr. Wells.

I've got some good news.

There's someone flying in
from New York tomorrow

for the first day of shooting,

someone very important to me.

This person is
head of my family, Joe,

and he wants to get
into the business.

He's talking about John Gotti.

I want everyone
to stay on their toes...

Gotti's coming to Providence.
...make a good impression.

OK, Joe?

So don't fuck it up.

� No, you got to.

Pick 'em up just to say hello

� Well, I.

Don't want no short people now.

Whoa. Ahh.

Remission?
You put her in remission?

Marshal.

You thought you could just take it, didn't you?
You thought I'd never find out.

Is that your gun from the show?

Even prop guns fired at close
range can damage an eardrum.

You wanna be deaf?

What do you want, Marshal?

I want what you promised me.

I want to
walk up the red carpet.

I want my name on a poster.

I wanna be invited back to my high
school to speak at Career Day.

You want a drink?

Come on, Marshal.

Why did Dad have to look
like Lorne Greene?

Why did he have to be the star?

Take it easy, Marshal.

He means well.

He shoots me three times a day

in the center of town.

My own father guns me down
like an animal.

Then walk away.

Marshal, you're a great writer.

Bullshit. I'm a fake.

And so are you,

and I'm not gonna let you
get away with it.

What are you talking about?

I'm talking about Charlotte.

Marshal, I'm warning you.

I'm warning you. We have a
sister named Charlotte.

We have a sister. Say it.

We have a sister named Charlotte.
No.

Say it. We made it all up.

We never had a sister, Steven.

There is no Charlotte.

We took the name
from Charlotte's Web,

Mom's favorite book.

We had a sister. We had
a sister, you son...

We did not have a fucking...

...bitch... Sister.

Yes, we did.

We didn't have
a fucking sister.

...ate peyote
with the Hopi Indians.

My entire crew is planning on wearing
black armbands in memory of her.

Why couldn't you just throw the
script away like everyone else?

This is my big chance, Marshal.

If Wells finds out about... If the
dentists find out the truth...

If you ruin this for me,
I swear to God...

You can't win, Steven.

They will crucify you.

The Providence Cancer Society had
a dinner honoring me tonight.

They flew in Fred Willard to M.

They had a scholarship
named after her for summer cam.

Don't you get it?
They love Charlotte.

They need her.
The fact that we made it up...

it means nothing.

You'll never
get away with it, Steven.

You can't fool Hollywood.

They can smell a fake
a mile away.

I'm not a fake.

I'm a director.

One in a million, huh?

One in a million.

The director is on set.
Repeat, the director is on set.

Half-hour, Miss French.

Anyone bring film?

Very quiet, please.

Director on set.

They grab old Dottie,
then she walks in.

Well, the way it goes.
One in, one out.

I'm gonna ask Joe
to work on his next movie.

Props.

I'm not carrying
anybody's chairs.

Who cares what we do

as long as we get the fuck
out of this van?

The lion has landed.
The circus has come to town.

He passed checkpoint Bravo.

All right,
ten minutes to showtime.

Ten-minute warning, people!
We've got ten minutes!

The tarantula
should break for lunch.

Hello, Joe.

Jack. We need to talk.

We should not be doing thi,
Mrs. Traviano.

Tommy, we're late.

I just wanna see this part.

As your lawyer,
I want to advise you...

You're not my lawye, Mr. Ron.

You're a paralegal.

This Emily French...

she's a revelation.

FBI!

Stop right there.
Stop right there.

Get down on your knees.
Get down. Get down.

To the ground!
To the ground right now!

Hands behind your back.

So what are you doing here?
Gotti's gonna be here any minute.

I have some very good
news for you.

We arrested Gotti this morning

at the Raven Nightclub
in New Jersey.

I don't understand.

We had a bug up his ass.

Got him on tape talking
about the Castellano hit.

He's goin' away
for a very long time.

No, no, no, no, no.
You're wrong.

Gotti's in Providence.
He's coming here.

The man who is coming here
today is Victor Sanz.

He's Tommy Sanz's
87-year-old father.

We arrested Sanz a few
minutes ago at his house.

If the play is in New Jersey,

then why are there five cover
teams here in Providence?

Because I've been using
Operation Dramex as a decoy.

Decoy?

Nobody knew, Joseph,

not even the other agents.

Joseph.

Joseph, don't be mad
about this.

I was trying
to nail John Gotti.

You helped me do that.

What about the movie?

We're the FBI.
We don't make movies.

I want you to go down there,
and I want you to shut it down.

We're about to shoot. We're
gonna get the very first shot.

Right now. Shut it down

and get these freaks
on the next plane back to L.A.

We can make movies
all over the country

and nail the rest
of these bosses.

Shut it down right now.
I can't do that.

I'm tellin' you, shut it down,
or I'll do it myself.

You're fuckin' yourself.

This is Jack Devine. We're not
gonna pull the plug just yet.

Just listen to me.
What are you doing?

We're gonna get the first shot,

and it's gonna be a beautiful shot...
Put that gun away!

Put that gun down!

Wide angle
across the desert floor.

Nothing can be seen
for miles. We pan left.

Suddenly an image appears, a mirage
limping toward us in the distance.

Charlotte is an angel
walking across the water,

except the water is sand,
and the angel is dying.

She's dying? Yes.

She's limping across.
It's Charlotte!

Uh... she's walk...
angel's dying.

Oh, Joseph, you've always wanted
this so bad, haven't you?

You want it so bad, and now
you just fucked it all up.

Stop it. Put the gun down.

Put it down.

Steven is gonna make
a beautiful film.

We can do this... I don't give a
fuck about Steven and his movie.

I'm shutting this down.

Miss French is coming
out makeup right now.

Om a hum vata guru
padme siri hum.

Om a hum vata guru
padme siri hum.

Roll it.

Quiet, people. We're rolling.

Arizona, scene one, take one.

Arizona, scene one, take one.

And... action.

It's over, Snake Eyes.

Drop the gold.

We don't need
no more killin' here.

This got nothin' to do
with your boys, Cartwright.

Let's just finish this,
you and me.

What are you doing?

Marshal.

You're dead.

Marshal.

Marshal.

Mar...

This is Director Devine.

This is Director Devine.

Shut it down. Shut it down.

Cut!

Cut. That was great, Emily.

We'll go again. Great.

Great job.

That's great.

Going again.

Whoa! Hey!

Oh, my God!
Steven, what the fuck?

Joe.

Oh, my God!

It's the fucking paparazzi.

You people are gonna learn
to leave me alone.

I'm just a normal person.

Joe, what's happening?
Who are they?

Dentists.

What?

Joe!

Joe, don't leave.

Tell them it's OK.

Tell them. You're a producer.

The star, producer
and director of Leav ing Aria

has just pulled
to the front of the theater.

It's an amazing directorial
debut from a tremendous talent

who was the toast
of Sundance this year.

Emily!

Here she is. Emily French.

Leaving Arizona is the story

of the making of another movie...
Arizona,

which was, in fact, an
elaborate FBI sting operation.

So, Emily, how does it feel?

Oh, well, you know, this film was
such a labor of love for me,

and it was a very difficult
journey that I took,

a journey that almost
got me killed

by FBI agents and gangsters,

but I knew as soon
as I read this script

it would make a fantastic film.

Bye-bye!

Thank you. Enjoy the show.

Thank you. Enjoy the show.

Hope you enjoyed the show.

Good night, Mr. Schats. Good
night, Heston. Take care.

Goodbye.

Hello, Steven.

My wife didn't drown
in a Jacuzzi,

Sasha was my dog's name,

and she killed herself
because I was never home.

My real name is Joe Devine.

Yeah, I know who you are.
I saw the movie.

And by the way, I thought Tom
Berenger captured you beautifully.

They made my character
afraid of heights.

I could never
quite understand that.

Yeah, well, here's something I
don't understand, Agent Devine.

Why me? Why'd it have to be me?

I'm sorry. Millions of people,

and the United States governmet
takes down Steven Schats.

Well, why?
I'd like to know why.

Because you had no choice
but to believe me.

Go to hell, Joe.

I'd like to try to pay you
back some of that money.

Please, stop lying to me.

Well, hey, wait a minute.

What about your lies?
What about Charlotte?

Yeah, that's right,
Charlotte was a lie,

and I'm no director,
and you're not a producer.

But we almost
pulled it off, didn't we?

We almost made it happen.
We almost had it all.

That stuff only happens
in the movies.

Yeah, I know that.

Do you mind?
I'm trying to close up.

I got something for you.

I spent my last day
as an FBI agent

stealing this from the
evidence room in Washington.

It's yours.

I'll see you around, Steven.

You're not gonna believe this,

but I'm working on a script.

What's the script about?

About two FBI agents,
one good, one bad,

chasing down a million dollars'
worth of lost drug money

in Los Angeles
during the 1984 Olympics,

and here's the catch...

they're both Mormon.

Well, that's not
such a bad idea.

Well, it needs work.

Having some trouble
with the second act.

Yeah.

Second acts are tough.

I could use a director.

Hey, Joe...

wanna watch this together?

OK, Sam, roll it, please.

Arizona, scene one, take on.

And... action.

Live!

I want to live!

Oh, my God.

An American eagle?

That looked pretty good.

Yeah.

I liked the pan.

It seemed to work.

Wanna watch it again?

Would you play it again, Sam?

So, what's your movie called?

I don't have a title.

It's set in L.A.,

so I thought it should be
Hollywood something.

Hollywood Heat?

Hollywood Cash?

Hollywood Gold. Hollywood Chas.

Hollywood and Vine.

Hey, that's pretty good.

What time is your audition?

1:30.

Oh, good luck.

I know you're gonna get it.

You love Oreos.

I... I love you so much.

You got to accent... uate
the positive.

And elim... inate the negative

� And latch on

� To the affirmative.

But don't mess
with Mr. In-Between

� Ah, you got to spread joy.

Up to the maximum
and bring gloom.

Down to the minimum
and have faith.

Or pandemonium
liable to walk upon the scee

� To illustrate

� My last remark.

Jonah in the whale,
Noah in the ark

� What did they do.

Just when everything
looked so dark?

� Man, they said.

We've got to accent... uate
the positive.

And elim... inate the negative

� And hang on

� To that affirmative.

But don't mess
with Mr. In-Between

� To illustrate

� My last remark.

Jonah in the whale,
Noah in the ark

� Tell me, what did they do.

Just when everything,
everything looked so dark?

� Man, they said

� We've got to accent...

� Oh! ...Uate the positive.

And elim... inate the negative.

And hang on
to that affirmative.

But don't mess, don't mess
with Mr. In-Between

� No, no, no, don't mess.

Oh, baby, I said don't mess

� You better not.

Don't mess
with Mr. In-Between, yeah