Original subtitles

♪♪

[ Voice over ] HEY, I'M SADIE.

MY LIFE IS FILLED WITH ALL KINDS OF WEIRD CREATURES

FROM BEST FRIENDS TO IMPULSIVE BROTHERS.

SOMEHOW WE ALL FIT TOGETHER,

NATURALLY.

♪ IF I COULD CHOOSE A WORLD FOR ME ♪

♪ IT'D BE OPEN, BIG AND FREE ♪

♪ I'D PICK A PLACE NOT LIKE THE REST ♪

♪ NOT LIKE THE REST ♪

♪ IT'D BE BEST ♪ ♪ MY WORLD ♪

♪ MY SPACE, MY FRIENDS ♪

♪ I RUN TO YOU WHEN NO ONE'S THERE ♪

♪ NO ONE'S THERE ♪ ♪ AND OTHERS STARE ♪

♪ AND THERE WE'LL BE ♪

♪ NATURALLY ♪

[ Inaudible whispers ]

Sadie: [ Voice over ] PARENTS WHISPERING IN FRONT OF THEIR KIDS

IS NEVER A GOOD SIGN.

WHEN THEY DO TALK, IT STARTS WITH,

"WE'VE GOT BAD NEWS,"

AND ENDS WITH, "IT'LL MAKE YOU STRONGER."

Jean: HAL, COULD YOU PLEASE

JOIN YOUR SISTER ON THE COUCH.

Sadie: [ Voice over ] I MEAN, HOW MANY TIMES DO THEY ACTUALLY WHISPER

SOMETHING LIKE, "HEY, THE KIDS ARE GREAT,

LET'S GIVE THEM MONEY"?

I'M AFRAID WE HAVE SOME BAD NEWS.

Sadie: [ Voice over ] SEE? JUST LIKE I TOLD YOU.

I'M GOING TO REFORM SCHOOL?

IF MS. MANN CALLED, I SWEAR

THE BOYS WASHROOM LOOKED LIKE THAT

WHEN I WENT IN!

NEITHER OF YOU ARE IN TROUBLE.

UNTIL MS. MANN CALLS.

YOUR GREAT-AUNT HELEN PASSED AWAY.

IS SHE THE ONE WHO USED TO POP WHEELIES

IN HER WHEELCHAIR? NO, THAT WAS AUNTIE MAD DOG.

I KNOW!

SHE'S THE ONE WHO USED TO DO THE, UH,

THE PUPPET SHOW WITH HER DENTURES.

Sadie: NO, THAT WAS UNCLE GARTH,

AND YOU DID THE PUPPET SHOW.

OH, YEAH.

MAN, I'M HILARIOUS.

SO WHICH ONE WAS SHE?

THE ONE WHO JUST LEFT US $500 EACH.

[ Ringing of cash register ] AH!

MY FAVOURITE AUNT!

HAL, HAVE SOME RESPECT.

AUNT HELEN WOULD HAVE WANTED US TO BE HAPPY.

Jean: NO, SHE WOULDN'T.

SHE WAS PRETTY STINGY.

SHE EVEN WROTE,

"A POX FOR EVERY DOLLAR YOU SPEND"

IN HER WILL.

SWEET SENTIMENT.

WHETHER SHE LIKES IT OR NOT,

THIS IS YOUR MONEY,

AND YOU TWO CAN SPEND IT HOWEVER YOU WANT.

[ Game show ♪♪♪ ]

Reporter: MS. HAWTHORNE!

WHAT DO YOU PLAN TO DO WITH THE MONEY?

BEATS ME.

WELL, WE DON'T WANT TO BLOW IT ALL IN ONE PLACE.

IT HAS TO BE ONE PLACE.

THAT'S THE WHOLE POINT OF BLOWING IT ALL.

I'LL THROW THE GREATEST MORNING BREATH SHOWCASE EVER.

I'LL GET 10,000- WATT AMP SPEAKERS

AND... AND LASER LIGHTS AND...

I'LL GET SUPER-AGENT STAN OBERMEYER TO COME.

AUNT HELEN, YOU'VE TOTALLY JETTISONED MY CAREER!

[ Smack of kiss ] Jean: I THINK HE MEANS

"JET START".

HOW ABOUT YOU, SWEETIE?

I NEED TO DISCUSS IT WITH MY SHOPPING CONSULTANT.

[ Beeps of speed-dialling ]

HELLO, MARGARET?

I HAVE THE MOST AMAZING NEWS!

Jean: AHEM...

I MEAN, THE SADDEST NEWS.

SAD, SAD, SAD.

[ Beeps of speed-dialling ]

HI. I'M LOOKING TO BLOW ALL MY MONEY IN ONE PLACE,

SO I'D LIKE TO BOOK YOUR VENUE FOR SUNDAY.

CLOSED FOR RENOVATIONS?

I'VE NEVER HEARD OF THAT BAND.

HELLO? HELLO?

Fred: YOU KNOW, CHUCKLEHEAD,

NOTHING SAYS ROCK LIKE THE WOW.

THAT'S RIGHT.

ROCK AND GREEK FAMILY DINING, ALL IN ONE.

FOR REAL? WHAT'S THE CATCH?

NO CATCH.

I TOO KNOW WHAT IT IS TO HAVE A DREAM.

HERE WE GO.

I'M FINALLY DOING MY ONE-MAN PLAY,

"BAKLAVA TO THE FUTURE".

IT PREMIERES IN TWO DAYS.

HEY...

YOU COULD OPEN FOR ME.

UH, LET'S TAKE THIS ONE DREAM AT A TIME.

I'M STILL WORKING ON GETTING STAN OBERMEYER TO COME.

Rain: WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO?

PLAY A SHOW IN HIS LOBBY?

SERENADE HIM BELOW HIS BEDROOM WINDOW?

I'M GOING TO CALL HIS AGENCY.

THAT'S IT?

I TOLD YOU, I'M STILL WORKING ON IT,

ALL RIGHT? [ Beeps of speed-dialling ]

AHEM. HI, THIS IS HAL HAWTHORNE.

GET ME STAN OBERMEYER RIGHT AWAY.

UM... OR... OR WHEN HE'S READY.

CAN I LEAVE A MESSAGE?

HOW ABOUT MY NUMBER?

H-HELLO?

WOW. I KNOW.

THEY CALL THEM AERIAL SILKS.

YOU KNOW, WHEN I ASKED YOU FOR SPENDING ADVICE,

I WAS KIND OF HOPING YOU'D JUST SAY "SHOPPING SPREE".

I CAN'T EVEN DANCE ON THE GROUND.

COME ON,

HASN'T IT ALWAYS BEEN YOUR SECRET DREAM

TO RUN OFF AND JOIN CIRQUE DU SOLEIL?

THAT'S YOUR DREAM.

CLOSE ENOUGH.

IT LOOKS KIND OF...

HARD.

NO, IT LOOKS KIND OF...

AWESOME.

AND IF IT'S AS EASY AS SHE MAKES IT LOOK,

YOU'LL BE BUSTING MOVES FASTER

THAN I CAN SAY HIP-HOP FROM ABOVE.

Sadie: [ Screaming ]

SOMEBODY HELP!

[ Laughter ] SADIE, JUST RELAX.

Sadie: YOU RELAX!

TRY AND LOWER YOURSELF SLOWLY.

I'M MORE LIKELY TO FALL DOWN QUICKLY.

SOMEBODY CUT ME OUT OF THIS!

OKAY.

I ALMOST BOUGHT IT UP THERE!

YOU WEREN'T DOING THAT BAD.

AT WHAT, SCREAMING OR CRYING?

THEY BLENDED TOGETHER SO SMOOTHLY.

MARGARET, THIS ISN'T WORKING.

I'D RATHER SPEND MY MONEY

ON SOMETHING LIKE SNAKE HANDLING

OR FIRE WALKING

OR HANDLING SNAKES MADE OF FIRE.

[ Sigh ] WHY DID I EVER THINK

I WOULD ENJOY SOMETHING INVOLVING GYM SHORTS?

[ ♪♪♪ ]

[ Farting ]

MAN, WHEN YOU CUT ONE ON AN ELEVATOR,

IT NEVER GETS OFF.

I MEAN, THEY SHOULD PUT UP WARNING SIGNS.

NO, I WANT THE JUMBO SHRIMP.

THE BIG JUMBO SHRIMP.

HEY! HEY, MR. O., HOW'S IT GOING?

WHO ARE YOU

AND WHY ARE YOU STINKING UP MY ELEVATOR?

IT'S ME, HAL HAWTHORNE.

YOU SAW ME PERFORM IN THE BOWLING ALLEY.

MY-MY BAND'S CALLED MORNING BREATH.

OH, RIGHT.

HOW COULD I FORGET?

WORST NAME EVER, BY THE WAY.

WORSE THAN PICKLED EGG MEN?

I STAND DISGUSTED. YOU KNOW,

WE'RE PLAYING THIS AWESOME SHOW IN A FEW DAYS.

YOU SHOULD SWING BY. KID,

I'M SO BUSY, I DON'T EVEN HAVE TIME

TO LISTEN TO MUSIC I DO LIKE.

MAN, I CAN'T BELIEVE

I WASTED THREE HOURS OF MY TIME RIDING THIS THING

SO I COULD RUN INTO YOU.

REALLY? YEAH.

THREE HOURS? [ Chiming of elevator bell ]

YOU KNOW WHAT?

ANYBODY WITH THAT KIND OF MOXIE DESERVES A SHOT.

TALK TO MY SECRETARY. SHE'S ON THE 10th FLOOR.

YES! HA!

Y-YOU KNOW, I THINK I'LL TAKE THE STAIRS.

I'M STARTING TO GET A LITTLE... ELEVATOR SICKNESS.

[ ♪♪♪ ]

HEY, SWEETIE.

A THUNDERSTORM'S COMING.

COULD YOU MAKE SURE YOUR BEDROOM WINDOW'S SHUT?

YEAH, I'LL GET RIGHT ON THAT, MOM.

SO, HOW WAS AIR SILKS?

UH, IF YOU MEAN "FALL TO THE GROUND

AND VOW NEVER TO DO IT AGAIN IN MY LIFE" SILKS,

THEN I MASTERED IT IN ONE EASY LESSON.

IT NEVER HURTS TO TRY NEW THINGS.

AT LEAST YOU'RE BETTER OFF THAN YOUR GREAT-AUNT HELEN.

MOM!

THAT'S A LITTLE EXTREME.

THAT'S NOT WHAT I MEANT.

I WAS TALKING ABOUT ALL THE TERRIBLE THINGS

THAT HAPPENED TO HER.

REALLY? LIKE WHAT?

IT ALL STARTED WHEN SHE WON THE LOTTERY.

SHE WAS RICH? YEP.

BUT THE MONEY WAS NOTHING BUT BAD LUCK.

MANSION BURNED DOWN, YACHT SUNK.

SHE EVEN BOUGHT A FRENCH POODLE THAT HAD RABIES.

CREEPY. YEAH.

I GUESS SOMETIMES FORTUNE

DOESN'T MEAN GOOD FORTUNE.

[ ♪♪♪ ]

OKAY, SADIE, NOW IS A GOOD TIME

NOT TO LET YOUR IMAGINATION GO CRAZY.

THERE'S NO SUCH THING AS JINXED MONEY.

[ Crash of thunder ]

Jean: THERE'S THAT THUNDER!

[ ♪♪♪ ]

[ ♪♪♪ ]

Sadie: [ Voice over ] OKAY, THIS IS RIDICULOUS.

IT'S BEEN A WHOLE DAY!

WHO'S AFRAID OF THEIR WALLET?

[ Ring of doorbell ] AAAH!

Sadie: [ Voice over ] APPARENTLY I AM.

[ Sigh ] COME IN.

HEY, TARZANA, QUEEN OF THE JUNGLE.

I TAKE IT MARGARET TOLD YOU ABOUT THE AERIAL THING.

IT WAS MORE OF AN IMPRESSION.

I THINK IT'S GOING TO BE THE NEXT HOT DANCE MOVE.

RAIN, I LIVED IT. I DON'T NEED TO SEE IT.

ANYWAY, I HEAR YOU'RE LOOKING FOR THE PERFECT WAY

TO DROP SOME CASH.

SORRY, I'M NOT EXACTLY IN A SPENDING MOOD.

HAVE YOU EVER HEARD OF JINXED MONEY?

YEAH, FRED ALWAYS PULLS THAT WHEN HE WANTS MY TIPS.

WHY?

I THINK MY INHERITANCE MIGHT BE JINXED.

I'M AFRAID TO SPEND IT.

DON'T WORRY. I HAVE THE PERFECT WAY

TO MELT AWAY YOUR FEARS.

A DAY AT THE SPA.

SINCE WHEN ARE YOU INTO SPAS?

WHY DOES THIS HALL SMELL LIKE PEPPERMINT AND SEA SALT EVERY MONDAY?

IT'S PROBABLY THE JANITOR'S PEPPERMINT AND SEA SALT...

FLOOR WAX.

THAT'S BEEN YOU THIS WHOLE TIME?

HEY, YOU THINK THIS DEWY GLOW IS NATURAL?

LOOK, KEEP IT QUIET AND I'LL TAKE YOU

TO THE MOST RELAXING SPA IN WHITBY.

TRANQUILLITY GARDENS OF THE GENTLE WINDS.

IT'S GOT TO BE BETTER THAN SWINGING AROUND

LIKE A HUMAN TETHER BALL. OH, IT'S BETTER

THAN A LOT OF TERRIBLE THINGS.

[ Beeps of speed-dialling ]

HELLO, SYLVIA? IT'S RAIN.

NOPE, I WANT TWO HEAD-TO-TOE

CINDERELLA SEAWEED BERRY SPECIALS.

AND ONE MANICURE.

YO, AJAX AMPS?

I'D LIKE TO BOOK YOUR BEST P.A. PACKAGE

AND WHATEVER ELSE 500 BUCKS WILL GET ME.

WHY ARE YOU LAUGHING?

WELL, THAT'S A LOT OF MONEY

FOR A SECURITY DEPOSIT.

I CAN GET IT FOR HOW MUCH?

WHY SO CHEAP?

A BAND CANCELLED?

W-WHAT HAPPENED TO THEIR TOUR BUS?

WHY WERE THEY DRIVING IN A LAKE?

LOOK, NEVER MIND, WE'LL TAKE IT!

BOOK IT UNDER HAL HAW... [ Buzzing of oven timer ]

HOLD ON.

MY CANAPES ARE BUZZING.

[ Smack of lips ] PERFECT.

UM, SORRY ABOUT THAT.

HELLO? [ Dial tone ]

HELLO?

OKAY, TURN RIGHT HERE...

AND FOR THE MILLIONTH TIME, I'M SORRY.

[ Sigh ] JUST MAKE SURE NO ONE'S AROUND.

ALL CLEAR.

Hal: WHOA!

NICE FACE, FREAK JOB. RAIN!

I DON'T KNOW MUCH ABOUT MAKEUP,

BUT, UH, EVEN I COULD DO A BETTER JOB THAN THAT.

I HAD A MISADVENTURE AT A SPA.

A SPA I WAS NOWHERE NEAR AND KNEW NOTHING ABOUT.

I WAS ALLERGIC TO WHATEVER CINDERELLA SEAWEED BERRY THING

THEY TRIED TO PUT AROUND MY EYES.

IT SAID "RAINFOREST", SADIE. RAINFOREST MEANS GOOD.

IF YOU JUST ATE, AVOID MIRRORS.

OW! IT'S NOT MY FAULT!

SINCE WHEN ARE SPAS DANGEROUS?

IT'S THE JINXED MONEY!

[ Sigh ] YOU'RE RIGHT. THIS IS NUTS.

SINCE WHEN DO I BELIEVE IN CURSES? I'M A NATURALIST.

NAME ONE ANIMAL THAT HUNTS BY JINXING.

MEXICAN JINXING FROG?

I'M NOT TAKING ANY CHANCES. HERE, TAKE IT!

N-NO, NO, NO, I CAN'T.

I-IT'S LIKE A WEIRD TAX THING!

WHY DON'T YOU COME TREAT SOME PEOPLE AT THE WOW,

COMPLETELY HEX-FREE SINCE MY YAYA DOUSED THE DOOR IN GARLIC SAUCE.

I-IT WAS ALSO THE LAST HEALTH CODE VIOLATION.

RAIN! [ Slam of door ]

OKAY, I'M JUST GOING TO LEAVE THE MONEY HERE

AND LET RAIN PICK IT UP.

I CAN'T BE TOO SAFE.

BUT YOU CAN BE TOO LAME.

FOR THE LAST TIME, SADE,

THERE'S NO SUCH THING AS JINXED MONEY.

ONE CHICKEN SOUVLAKI,

SALAD INSTEAD OF RICE, NO OLIVES, AND LIGHT FETA

FOR MS. "DOESN'T RESPECT THE NO SUBSTITUTION RULE",

AND FOR MS. HAWTHORNE, WE HAVE THE...

UHH... NICE ONE, PAPA-DROPUS.

RELAX.

I WAS EXPECTING FOOD POISONING,

SO IT'S NOT SO BAD.

[ Nervous chuckle ]

I NEED TO GET RID OF THE MONEY

BEFORE IT DOES ANY MORE DAMAGE.

HOW ARE YOU GOING TO DO THAT WITHOUT BUYING ANYTHING?

FLUSH IT DOWN THE TOILET?

INSTEAD OF THAT,

YOU CAN INVEST IN MY PLAY.

WHAT DO YOU MEAN, "INSTEAD OF"?

REAL FUNNY, PUGGLE.

IT'S ABOUT A BRILLIANT,

YET MISUNDERSTOOD GREEK CHEF

WHO TOILS TO CREATE A LEGACY IN FOOD.

WHATEVER WAS YOUR INSPIRATION?

IT'S SUPPOSED TO OPEN TONIGHT,

BUT THE THEATRE WON'T LET ME BRING

A PITA TOASTER ON STAGE WITHOUT AN INSURANCE DEPOSIT.

SOME PEOPLE HAVE NO VISION.

Fred: WHAT DO YOU THINK, TINY?

GREAT INVESTMENT OR WHAT?

IS CASH OKAY?

ALL RIGHT, "MESMER-LIGHT",

MESMERIZE ME.

AHH! [ Groan ]

IT'S LIKE GETTING 50 GAZILLION EYE EXAMS AT ONCE.

[ Ringing of doorbell ]

HEY, FRED.

YOU SLEEP IN THAT THING TOO?

IT'S MY COSTUME FOR THE PLAY TONIGHT.

AND YES, I SLEEP IN IT TOO.

WELL, CAN I SEE YOU SPARE NO EXPENSE.

I WAS ON MY WAY THERE AND I FIGURED I'D STOP BY

SO YOU COULD EXPLAIN THIS.

THAT'S A MENU. COME ON, YOU'RE IN THE BIZ.

YEAH, BUT IT'S NOT MY MENU.

LOOK, IF I'M GOING TO IMPRESS MR. O.,

IT'S GOT TO BE SWANKY.

CHECK THIS OUT.

MOUSSAKA SUSHI

AND SOUVLAKI CHARM BRACELETS.

GREEK FUSION.

NO, IT'S CON-FUSION.

THE FOOD OF YESTERDAY WON'T CUT IT.

WE NEED THE FOOD OF TODAY

AND WE NEED IT IN TIME FOR TOMORROW!

THAT'S A GREAT LINE FOR MY PLAY.

I, UH, BETTER GET THE CREDIT FOR THAT.

RIGHT?

ALL RIGHT, GUYS,

THIS IS THE MOST IMPORTANT NIGHT OF OUR LIVES,

THE SHOW "ROLLING STONE" WILL WRITE ABOUT WHEN WE BREAK UP,

THE GIG "ROCK AND ROLL TV" WILL BLAME

FOR MY SPIRAL INTO ROCK AND ROLL DEBAUCHERY!

ANY CHANCE WE CAN GET THAT SPIRAL STARTED?

THE AUDIENCE IS GETTING RESTLESS.

JUST HOLD ON,

I'M MID-PUMP-UP HERE!

ALL RIGHT, GUYS, FOR US

THERE'S ONLY ONE MAN IN THAT AUDIENCE:

STAN OBERMEYER.

YOU BLOCK EVERYONE ELSE OUT. ALL RIGHT?

OKAY.

LET'S RO-O-O-CK!

WHOOO! YEAH! MORNING BREATH!

ALL RIGHT...

WHOA.

I'M BETTER AT BLOCKING OUT PEOPLE THAN I THOUGHT.

SORRY, CHUCKLEHEAD,

BUT THE ONLY PERSON BLOCKING PEOPLE OUT IS ME.

YOU'RE NOT LETTING PEOPLE IN?

I LET A FEW PEOPLE IN.

THERE'S A TONNE OF PEOPLE OUTSIDE,

BUT NOBODY LIKES THE BIG COVER FRED'S CHARGING.

SINCE WHEN ARE WE CHARGING PEOPLE?

SINCE "BAKLAVA TO THE FUTURE"

GOT SHUT DOWN MID-SENTENCE.

IS EVERYTHING ALL RIGHT?

YEAH. COULDN'T BE WORSE.

HERE, THIS IS FOR YOU.

IT'S A RETURN ON YOUR INVESTMENT.

AND IT AIN'T TINY, TINY.

WHAT? HOW?

MY OPENING NIGHT STUNK SO BAD

THE THEATRE BOUGHT OUT MY CONTRACT

FOR TWICE THE AMOUNT I PAID.

THIS CAN'T BE HAPPENING.

I'M BACK WHERE I STARTED!

CURSE YOU, CURSE MONEY!

Hal: CAN SOMEONE TURN OFF THE MESMER-LIGHT?

THANKS.

AH, HEY, MR. O.

I'M GLAD YOU COULD MAKE IT.

WHAT?

I-I'M SORRY. I CAN'T... I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER ALL THE SCREAMING FANS.

UH YEAH, YOU KNOW, ABOUT THAT.

UM, I FIGURED IT WOULD BE BETTER TO GIVE YOU A PRIVATE SHOW.

JUST... JUST YOU AND... AND MORNING BREATH.

GO MORNING BREATH!

ROCK THE HOUSE, SON!

[ Nervous chuckle ] AND MY PARENTS.

LISTEN, KID,

IF THE BAND CAN ONLY DRAW THEIR PARENTS,

THEIR CD'S ONLY GOING TO SELL TWO COPIES.

SAYS SO RIGHT ON MY CARD.

NO, IT DOES...

WOW, IT ACTUALLY DOES.

DON'T CALL ME AND I WON'T CALL YOU.

BUT Y-YOU'RE ALREADY HERE.

JUST THINK OF ME AS ALREADY GONE.

LOOK, BUT IF YOU LEAVE, THEN THIS NIGHT

WILL BE A TOTAL WASTE OF TIME AND MONEY.

I CAN'T ARGUE WITH YOU THERE.

LOOK, JUST... JUST WAIT. WAIT.

[ Sigh ]

I- YOU SHOULD AT LEAST STAY FOR SOME FOOD.

NOW, I'VE GOT

MOUSSAKA SUSHI WITH WASABI COMPOTE.

HMM. THAT... THAT ACTUALLY LOOKS PRETTY GOOD.

ALL RIGHT, KID.

I'LL STAY FOR A LITTLE BIT.

BUT IF THIS PLACE ISN'T FULL BY THE TIME MY STOMACH IS..

I'M OUT OF HERE.

OKAY. "BONE APPETITE."

SO, SADIE, HOW'S THE HIGH LIFE BEEN TREATING YOU?

YOU BEEN BLINGIN' IT UP?

Sadie: [ Voice over ] HOW DO I SAY THIS

WITHOUT SOUNDING UNGRATEFUL?

IT ISN'T WHAT I EXPECTED.

WE'VE HAD A FEW SURPRISES TOO.

REALLY?

I THOUGHT I WAS THE ONLY ONE.

WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU?

ROTTEN SMOOTHIE?

LOSE YOUR FINGER IN A BLENDER?

BAD HAIRCUT? IS THIS A WIG?

HONEY, CALM DOWN.

NOTHING BAD HAPPENED.

[ Sigh ] REALLY? Walter: YEAH.

INSTEAD OF GETTING THE WATCH I WANTED,

I GOT YOUR MOM THESE BELLY DANCING LESSONS SHE WANTED.

AND WITHOUT KNOWING HE DID THAT,

I BOUGHT HIM THE WATCH.

CHA-CHING. GENUINE FRO-LEX.

WELL, EVERY TIME I SPEND IT,

SOMETHING GOES HORRIBLY WRONG.

I THINK I INHERITED HELEN'S BAD LUCK.

RELAX, SADIE.

I'M SURE IT'S ALL IN YOUR HEAD.

THAT'S EASY FOR YOU TO SAY.

YOU'RE NOT THE ONE WHO'S GOING TO BE MAULED

BY A RABID FRENCH POODLE.

HELEN WAS A VERY SELFISH PERSON.

SHE ONLY SPENT MONEY ON HERSELF.

SHE DROVE FANCY CARS, WENT ON LUXURIOUS VACATIONS.

SHE SPENT $100,000 ON HER FUNERAL

AND NO ONE WAS EVEN INVITED.

MAYBE IF YOU USED IT TO HELP SOMEONE ELSE,

THE BAD LUCK WOULD GO AWAY.

YOU THINK?

WORKED FOR US. IN THEORY.

TRY THIS... SOUVLAKI CHARM BRACELET.

BETTER THAN THAT. ENJOY, ENJOY.

NOW, CAN YOU JUST OPEN THE DOOR, PLEASE,

SO THEY CAN WATCH THE SHOW

AND WE CAN IMPRESS STAN OBERMEYER?

CASH IN THE HAND. Hal: OH, CASH IN THE... LOOK!

GREAT-AUNT HELEN, I DON'T KNOW IF YOU CAN HEAR ME

OR EVEN REALLY KNOW WHO I AM.

TO BE HONEST, I DON'T EVEN REALLY KNOW WHO YOU ARE.

ANYWAYS, HERE'S THE THING.

I NEED YOU TO REMOVE THE POX YOU PUT ON US

FOR SPENDING YOUR MONEY.

IN RETURN, IF YOU COME BACK AS A ZOMBIE,

I PROMISE I'LL LET YOU EAT MY BRAINS

IF YOU DO THIS ONE THING.

SO...

WHAT DO YOU SAY?

UH...

[ Nervous laugh ]

AH-H! FORGET YOU.

I DON'T NEED YOUR HELP.

I CAN ROCK AN EMPTY HOUSE.

I JUST NEED TO PICTURE THE AUDIENCE IN MY HEAD.

Crowd: [ Cheering ]

WOW. HUH!

I'M BETTER AT PICTURING AN AUDIENCE THAN I THOUGHT.

♪ FOOD FIGHT ♪

♪ FOOD FIGHT ♪

♪ FOOD FIGHT, FOOD FIGHT ♪ ♪ FOOD FIGHT ♪

♪ LET'S TEAR THIS PLACE UP TONIGHT ♪

♪ FOOD FIGHT, FOOD FIGHT, NO MATTER WRONG OR RIGHT ♪

♪ FOOD FIGHT, FOOD FIGHT ♪

♪ SOMETIMES IF YOU DON'T WANT TO EAT ♪

♪ STAND TALL, GET UP ON YOUR FEET ♪

♪ BUT IF THEY'VE GOT SPAGHETTI ♪

♪ MAN, YOU BETTER ♪

♪ BETTER GET READY ♪

♪ IF THEY WON'T STOP TALK, TALK, TALK TO ME ♪

♪ HIT THEM WITH SOUVLAKI ♪

♪ PICK UP YOUR PLATE, ONE, TWO THREE ♪

♪ TIME FOR FOOD INSANITY ♪

♪ FOOD FIGHT, FOOD FIGHT ♪ ♪ FOOD FIGHT ♪

♪ LET'S TEAR THIS PLACE UP TONIGHT ♪

♪ FOOD FIGHT, FOOD FIGHT, NO MATTER WRONG OR RIGHT ♪

[ ♪♪♪ ]

Walter: WHOO! THAT'S MY BOY!

[ Applause/cheering ]

WHOO!

Jean: GO, MORNING BREATH!

Margaret: SADIE! HOW COULD YOU DO THAT?

DO WHAT? CURSE HAL.

I MEAN, WHAT DID HE EVER DO TO YOU?

BESIDES READ YOUR DIARY.

AND LICK YOUR FOOD WHEN YOU WEREN'T LOOKING.

AND USE YOUR TOOTHBRUSH TO CLEAN THE...

YOU GUYS, IT'S OKAY.

THE BAD LUCK ONLY KICKS IN

IF YOU'RE SELFISH WITH THE MONEY.

BUT WHAT ABOUT FRED'S PLAY?

I WAS MORE INTERESTED IN GETTING RID OF THE MONEY

THAN HELPING FRED OUT.

[ Whispering ] BESIDES, IT WAS PROBABLY REALLY BAD.

Fred: I HEARD THAT.

THAT'S SOME SERIOUS HAIR-SPLITTING.

SO YOU SEE, WHEN THE JINXED MONEY IS FILTERED

THROUGH A GREED-RESISTANT CHAMBER,

PROCESSED SELFLESSLY

AND THEN DIVERTED BACK DOWN

WITH THE INTENT TO HELP OTHERS,

THE END RESULT IS CLEAR: ONE HAPPY HAL.

IN THEORY.

LOOK AROUND YOU. EVERYTHING TURNED OUT PERFECT.

HAL IS GOING TO BE SUPER-FAMOUS.

THE CURSE IS BROKEN, THIS GIRL IS JINX-FREE.

[ Sigh ] AH, SO, MR. O., WHAT DO YOU THINK?

HOT OR NOT? Obermeyer: MMM.

DEFINITELY HOT. NO, BEYOND HOT.

YOU KNOW, I DIDN'T EXPECT MUCH,

BUT THIS COULD BE THE NEXT SENSATION.

I HAD A FEELING OUR TIME HAD COME.

WHOO! NO KIDDING.

FOOD THIS GOOD IS HARD TO FIND IN WHITBY.

UM... I'M GLAD YOU DUG THE FOOD,

BUT, UH, WHAT DID YOU THINK OF MORNING BREATH?

HMM?

OH, RIGHT.

YEAH, YOU GUYS WERE PLAYING WHILE I WAS EATING.

UH... NOT A BAD SOUND,

BUT TO BE HONEST, YOU GUYS DON'T HAVE

THAT... INTANGIBLE "IT" QUALITY.

I DON'T KNOW WHAT "IT" IS.

THAT'S WHY THEY CALL "IT" INTANGIBLE.

AND IT'S NOT SOMETHING YOU CAN LEARN.

YOU EITHER HAVE "IT" OR YOU DON'T.

AND WE DON'T?

NO.

THANKS FOR THE MEAL, KID.

I'M GOING TO BE DREAMING ABOUT THOSE SOUVLAKI CHARM BRACELETS.

ALMOST CHEWED MY WRIST OFF.

NOW THOSE... HAD "IT".

Sadie: [ Voice over ] SO MAYBE I WAS RESPONSIBLE

FOR DESTROYING HAL'S DREAMS,

BUT HE ALWAYS BOUNCES BACK.

HE'S PROBABLY WORKING ON NEW STUFF RIGHT NOW,

LIKE A SEQUEL TO "FOOD FIGHT"...

"BREAKFAST BATTLES"!

I WISH I COULD LEAVE THE COUNTRY.

TOO BAD I'M BROKE.

HEY, USED GUITAR LAND?

DO YOU GUYS BUY USED GUITARS?

HAL, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

OH, I'M SELLING OFF MY OLD EQUIPMENT.

ME AND MUSIC ARE THROUGH.

WELL, BEFORE YOU DO THAT,

I HAVE A CONFESSION TO MAKE.

I'M THE ONE WHO RUINED YOUR CHANCES WITH OBERMEYER.

WHAT DID YOU DO, TELL HIM WE'RE RELATED?

HAL!

THIS IS SERIOUS.

I PAID FOR EVERYONE'S COVER

SO THE SHOW WOULD GO ON.

YOU DID THAT?

I THOUGHT FRED JUST HAD TO GO TO THE CAN OR SOMETHING.

I'M REALLY SORRY.

SADIE, YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW MUCH

YOUR FREAKY JINX MONEY HELPED ME!

THANKS TO YOU, I'VE REALIZED MY TRUE PASSION.

BEING REJECTED BY OBERMEYER

ISN'T MUCH OF A PASSION.

THE ONLY REASON I STARTED A BAND

IS BECAUSE I THOUGHT THEY WERE COOL.

YOU KNOW, I DON'T EVEN KNOW HOW TO READ MUSIC.

I KNOW I TEASED YOU ABOUT THAT,

BUT I DIDN'T THINK IT WAS TRUE.

FOOD'S ALWAYS COME NATURALLY.

I MEAN, I WAS THE ONLY KID ON THE BLOCK WHOSE...

WHOSE MUD PIES HAD A TREE SAP REDUCTION WITH A WORM GLAZE.

I REMEMBER THOSE!

I THINK I'LL WHIP ONE UP RIGHT NOW.

Sadie: [ Voice over ] IT'S FUNNY HOW THINGS CAN WORK OUT.

I GUESS SOMETIMES ALL YOU NEED

IS A LITTLE BAD LUCK FOR SOME GOOD FORTUNE.

THE LAST OF THE JINX MONEY.

JINX MONEY.

IT ALL SEEMS SO RIDICULOUS NOW.

HEY, I'LL FLIP YOU.

LOSER EATS THE MUD PIE.

I CALL HEADS!

I'M SO NOT TOUCHING THAT QUARTER.

ME NEITHER.

[ ♪♪♪ ]