Original subtitles

♪♪

[ Voice over ] HEY, I'M SADIE.

MY LIFE IS FILLED WITH ALL KINDS OF WEIRD CREATURES

FROM BEST FRIENDS TO IMPULSIVE BROTHERS.

SOMEHOW WE ALL FIT TOGETHER,

NATURALLY.

♪ IF I COULD CHOOSE A WORLD FOR ME ♪

♪ IT'D BE OPEN, BIG AND FREE ♪

♪ I'D PICK A PLACE NOT LIKE THE REST ♪

♪ NOT LIKE THE REST ♪

♪ IT'D BE BEST ♪ ♪ MY WORLD ♪

♪ MY SPACE, MY FRIENDS ♪

♪ I RUN TO YOU WHEN NO ONE'S THERE ♪

♪ NO ONE'S THERE ♪ ♪ AND OTHERS STARE ♪

♪ AND THERE WE'LL BE ♪

♪ NATURALLY ♪

Sadie: [ Voiceover ] SOMETIMES IN LIFE,

YOU HAVE TO SHAKE THINGS UP.

TAKE RAIN.

HE WAS SHAKING THINGS UP AT THE WOW.

OKAY. NOW,

TELL ME THIS WON'T DRAW A CROWD

FOR THE POETRY SLAM TONIGHT.

"ARE YOU A POET BUT DON'T EVEN KNOW IT?"

IF SOMEONE'S A POET BUT THEY DON'T EVEN KNOW,

WILL THEY KNOW ENOUGH TO COME?

Sadie: [ Voiceover ] AS FOR ME, I WAS SHAKING THINGS UP

WITH MARGARET'S "FAKE IT 'TIL YOU MAKE IT" RULE;

ACTING AS IF MY FRIENDSHIP WITH BEN WAS FINE

WAS SUPPOSED TO MAKE IT FINE.

IN THEORY.

OH, UH, YOU TAKE IT.

NO, YOU. I INSIST.

NO, GO AHEAD. Rain: GUYS,

THERE'S, LIKE, TEN MARKERS.

Sadie: [ Voiceover ] I REALIZED IT WOULD TAKE A LOT MORE EFFORT

TO MAKE THINGS RIGHT WITH BEN.

SO, YOU THINK YOU WANT IT NOW.

BUT ONCE YOU'VE GOT IT,

YOU'LL PROBABLY CHANGE YOUR MIND AND...

THEN YOU'LL WANT BREAK UP WITH IT

IN FRONT OF ALL THE OTHER MARKERS.

Sadie: [ Voiceover ] I DON'T THINK HE'S TALKING ABOUT THE MARKER.

[ ♪♪♪ ]

OKAY,

I COULD BRAG TO SOMEBODY MORE IMPORTANT,

BUT YOU GUYS WILL DO.

BEHOLD THE GENIUS WHO HAS JUST PULLED OFF

HIS 50th CONSECUTIVE PRANK.

HUH? AH? AH-H.

YOU SWITCHED THE PUSH-PULL SIGNS ON THE DOORS!

HUH. THAT'S WHY IT TOOK ME TEN MINUTES TO GET IN.

NOPE.

OOH. THEN I HAVE NO EXCUSE.

DO YOU GUYS KNOW WHAT THIS MEANS?

NO. NOBODY TOLD ME THERE WAS GOING TO BE A TEST.

I'VE TIED THE RECORD SET BY THE PRANKINATOR.

WOW! THE PRANKINATOR'S A LEGEND.

Taylor: NO WAY! MALLS HAVE LEGENDS?

THE PRANKINATOR HAS A TOTALLY UNBLEMISHED RECORD.

HE PULLED OFF 50 CONSECUTIVE PRANKS

AND NOT ONE OF THEM EVER WENT WRONG.

AND THEN HE RETIRED.

AND NO ONE KNOWS HIS IDENTITY.

SO TELL ME, HAL,

WHAT'S YOUR BRIGHT IDEA FOR CAPER 51?

WELL, SEEING AS HOW THE PRANKINATOR

ALREADY SWIPED THE STOP BUTTON OFF THE ESCALATOR,

I'M GOING TO PLAN B.

Mall Cop: WELL, WELL, WELL,

WHAT A COINCIDENCE.

WORST DAY OF MY LIFE, AND YOU'RE HERE

FOR THE EARLY BIRD BAGEL SPECIAL.

WOW!

I WISH MY HAIR WAS MADE OF COTTON CANDY.

GEE, MALL COP, WHAT HAPPENED?

DON'T PRETEND YOU'RE NOT BEHIND THIS.

ACTUALLY, THAT WAS ME PRETENDING I CARE.

WELL, YOU WON'T HAVE MALL COP TO LIE TO ANYMORE.

WHY? WHAT, DID YOU QUIT?

I WAS FIRED.

[ ♪♪♪ ]

MY POSTERS WORKED.

LOOK AT ALL THE PEOPLE WHO SIGNED UP FOR MY POETRY SLAM.

HATE TO BREAK IT TO YOU, BUT...

THAT'S THE OVERFLOW FROM THE KRUMP SIGN-UP SHEET.

[ Sigh ] KRUMP NIGHT.

NOW THAT'S A GREAT IDEA.

WISH I'D THOUGHT OF IT.

NO ONE'S GOING TO COME TONIGHT.

AT LEAST YOU WON'T HAVE TO LISTEN

TO ANGST-RIDDEN HAIKUS ABOUT ACNE.

YOU HAVE TO HELP ME OUT.

NO WAY. I "HELPED OUT"

ON YOUR COWBOY NIGHT LAST MONTH, REMEMBER?

OH, YEAH.

THAT MECHANICAL BULL DID NOT MESS AROUND.

COME ON, BEN, POETRY NEEDS A TALL,

GOOD-LOOKING GUY WITH AN ATTITUDE.

SORRY, NOT GOING TO DO IT.

COME ON.

YOU'D BE GREAT.

BEING A POET IS SORT OF LIKE BEING A PHOTOGRAPHER.

INSTEAD OF IMAGES,

YOU CAN USE WORDS TO TELL A STORY.

THAT'S IT! DIPLOMACY IS THE KEY

TO GETTING THINGS BACK ON TRACK WITH BEN.

WITH GENTLE BUT HELPFUL CRITICISM,

I'LL COACH HIM TO A GREAT PERFORMANCE AT THE SLAM

AND THEN WE'LL BE FRIENDS AGAIN.

GOODBYE, AWKWARD SILENCES,

HELLO, QUALITY CHILL TIME.

YOU'LL EXPAND WHITBY'S CULTURAL HORIZONS

WHILE DOING A FRIEND A HUGE FAVOUR.

AND... I'LL HELP YOU.

THAT'S A HEFTY ORDER FOR A BUNCH OF RHYMING COUPLETS.

WILL YOU DO IT?

YOU'LL OWE ME BIG TIME.

AS LONG AS IT DOESN'T INVOLVE FREE FOOD.

FRED'S REALLY CRACKING DOWN ON COMPS AT THE WOW.

[ Chuckling ]

I CAN'T WAIT TO GENTLY MOCK YOUR BLACK TURTLENECK

AND FANCY BERET.

DON'T PUSH IT, RED.

[ ♪♪♪ ]

YOU GOT A MAN FIRED BEFORE 9:00 A.M.

I CAN'T WAIT TO SEE WHAT YOU'LL PULL AFTER LUNCH.

IT'S A TOUGH ENOUGH ENCORE, BUT I'LL DO MY BEST.

DON'T YOU FEEL BAD AT ALL?

NAH.

MALL COP WILL BOUNCE BACK.

HE SURVIVED 50 PRANKS.

WELL, 49, ANYWAY.

GIVE ME A HIGH- DESTROYED-A-MAN'S- LIFE-FIVE.

THAT'S COLD. HEY,

I'M GOING TO KICK BACK

AND EXPERIENCE A WHOLE NEW FREEDOM.

Mall Cop: WELL, WELL, WELL.

WE MEET AGAIN.

W... MALL COP, WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?

THERE'S A NEW SHERIFF IN TOWN, PUNK,

AND THIS TIME IT'S PERSONAL.

AND IT'S HALL COP TO YOU.

"SHADOWS LIVING IN DARKNESS,

STILTED STILLNESS.

CAN IT BE THAT THE TRUTH IS A LIE?

OH, THE TANGLE OF TANGLES

AS MY SOUL CRIES OUT."

S-SO, WHAT DO YOU THINK?

PRETTY OFF THE HOOK, RIGHT?

Sadie: [ Voiceover ] IS HE KIDDING?

"MY SOUL CRIES OUT"?

OPERATION FRIENDSHIP WILL BE OVER BEFORE IT STARTS

IF I TELL HIM THE TRUTH.

WELL, I THOUGHT THE FIRST 10 MINUTES

WERE A LITTLE... DARK.

BUT THEN YOU REALLY HIT YOUR STRIDE

AT THE HALF HOUR POINT.

ALL IN ALL, A GREAT FIRST PASS.

FIRST PASS?

I SPENT ALL OF FRENCH CLASS WORKING ON THIS.

WELL, THAT EXPLAINS YOUR POP QUIZ SCORE.

ALL RIGHT, SHAKESPEARE,

WHAT GREAT IDEAS DO YOU HAVE?

UM...

WHY DON'T YOU WRITE FROM YOUR HEART AND NOT YOUR HEAD?

LOOK, I'M NOT DUMBING DOWN MY POEM, RED.

IF YOU CAN'T APPRECIATE IT FOR WHAT IT IS,

I'M SURE POETRY LOVERS AT THE WOW WILL.

PLEASE TELL ME YOU'RE NOT GOING TO WEAR THE TURTLENECK.

HEY, SOME NINTH GRADER

WANTS HIS SWEATY GYM SHIRT BACK.

I'VE GOT YOU TO THANK FOR THIS.

HEY, DON'T BLAME ME 'CAUSE YOU RAIDED THE LOST AND FOUND FOR YOUR GET UP.

NO, IT'S HALL COP.

HE'S ACTUALLY ENFORCING THE "NO BELLY SHIRT" RULE.

AND HOW IS THIS MY FAULT?

IF YOU DIDN'T GET HIM FIRED FROM THE MALL,

HE WOULDN'T BE WORKING HERE.

Rain: IF I WERE YOU,

I'D KEEP A LOW PROFILE TODAY.

MALL COP'S ON A RAMPAGE.

[ Cell phone ♪♪♪ ]

Mall Cop: WHOSE IS THAT?

UH, IT'S... MY... PACEMAKER.

Mall Cop: I'LL TAKE THAT. NO CELL PHONES.

[ Groan ]

BUT I'M WAITING FOR A CALL FROM MY GIRLFRIEND.

[ Scoffing ] YOU'VE GOT A GIRLFRIEND?

Hal & Margaret: [ Laughing ]

[ Sigh ]

WOW, THE TX 9800,

THE ONE WITH THE CAMERA.

HALL COP LIKE-Y.

SMILE!

GREAT SHOT OF YOU GETTING YOUR PHONE CONFISCATED.

[ ♪♪♪ ]

Rain: LET'S HEAR IT FOR FRED!

I DON'T WANT TO SOUND MEAN,

BUT BEN'S POETRY IS TERRIBLE.

THEN YOU SHOULD PROBABLY STOP SAYING THINGS

LIKE, "BEN'S POETRY IS TERRIBLE."

I JUST DON'T WANT HIM TO EMBARRASS HIMSELF IN FRONT OF EVERYONE.

Fred: DELICIOUS PORK...

[ Drumming ]

ON THE END OF MY FORK.

[ Drumming ]

YOU'RE SO TASTY.

THAT'S WHY I'M HASTY.

[ Drumming ]

[ Chuckling ] [ Snapping of fingers ]

LIKE THAT.

Taylor: TELL IT LIKE IT IS, MAN!

IT'S ABOUT TIME. SOMEBODY HAD TO SAY IT.

CAN YOU HEAR ME IN THE BACK?

Rain: I NEVER SHOULD HAVE PROGRAMMED FRED

AFTER RUN E.X.E.

HE'S A TOUGH ACT TO FOLLOW.

Fred: NOW, FOR MY NEXT PIECE...

[ Squeal of feedback ]

AHEM. UH, EVERYONE,

LET'S GIVE A NICE HAND FOR FRED,

WHO REALLY KNOWS HOW TO SLAM IT.

UH, NEXT UP, WE HAVE A BRILLIANT WORDSMITH...

NOT AS GOOD AS YOU, RUN...

MY GOOD... NO, BEST FRIEND,

BEN HARRISON.

[ Applause ]

THANK YOU.

SHE LEFT ME BEFORE WE EVEN STARTED.

I WAS SHATTERED, SO BROKEN-HEARTED.

HE TOOK MY ADVICE.

TO WRITE ABOUT YOU?

TO WRITE FROM THE HEART. IT'S NOT ME.

I BET IT'S ABOUT HIS OLD GIRLFRIEND, HEIDI.

IT WAS LIKE GETTING KICKED IN THE HEAD.

HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO ME, RED?

[ Gasp ] COOL.

HEIDI HAS THE SAME NICKNAME AS YOU.

IN FRONT OF YOUR FAMILY AT DINNER.

NOW I'M THE LOSER

AND YOU'RE THE WINNER.

WHERE DOES HE GET HIS INSPIRATION?

FOR TWO WEEKS SHE WAS MY LADY,

BUT IN THE END

SHE ACTED SO SHADY.

LIFE'S NOT FAIR, IT WOULD SEEM SO.

NOW IT'S TIME FOR ME TO SAY...

CHIMO.

[ Sparse applause ]

I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU'D WRITE ABOUT OUR BREAK-UP.

I THOUGHT WE WERE PAST THAT. SO DID I.

GUESS WE WERE BOTH WRONG.

DO YOU REALLY FEEL LIKE THE LOSER?

OF COURSE NOT.

IT'S CALLED AN ARTISTIC LICENSE.

I JUST WANTED TO CAPTURE THE UNIVERSAL FEELINGS OF THE DUMPED.

NEVER THOUGHT I'D SEE YOU TWO TOGETHER AGAIN.

UH, DEEP POEM, BY THE WAY.

SO, YOU DOING ANOTHER POETRY NIGHT?

NO, MAN, AUDIENCES DON'T CARE ABOUT POETRY.

RAP IS WHERE IT'S AT.

I'VE BOOKED RUN E.X.E.

YOU GUYS GOING TO CHECK IT? SURE,

IF I DON'T HAVE TO HEAR ABOUT ME AGAIN.

MY LIFE IS MY ART.

YOU SHOULD KNOW THAT ABOUT WRITERS.

WE DRAW ON PAST EXPERIENCES.

BUT YOU'RE DONE DRAWING FROM MY EXPERIENCES, RIGHT?

I PROMISE I'LL NEVER WRITE ABOUT YOU AGAIN.

NEXT TIME, I'LL MIME IT.

[ ♪♪♪ ]

Rain: SO, WHAT'S THE PLAN FOR HALL COP?

ARE YOU GOING TO APOLOGIZE FOR GETTING HIM FIRED?

THAT'S A PLAN. DON'T WORRY,

I'VE GOT IT ALL FIGURED OUT.

I PRANKED HIM OUT OF THE MALL,

I CAN PRANK HIM OUT HERE.

SINCE WHEN DO WE HAVE A COTTON CANDY MACHINE?

HA-HA! I'M USING A CLASSIC:

THE OLD FIZZ BOMB IN THE DRINK.

A WHAT-BOMB? A FIZZ BOMB.

YOU PLANT ONE IN SOMEONE'S DRINK WHEN THEY'RE NOT LOOKING

AND THEN BAM! SPRAY CITY.

SOUNDS TIGHT. I AMAZE MYSELF.

SOMEDAY THEY MIGHT JUST GIVE ME

THE NOBEL PRANK PRIZE.

I ACCEPT.

YES, THANK YOU.

THIS IS WONDERFUL.

IT'S BEAUTIFUL.

I JUST... LOOKING FOR THIS?

AHH-H!

Hal: MY FIZZ BOMB!

HOW DID YOU... IT'S A BIG MALL,

BUT A SMALL SCHOOL.

IT'S... BUT IT'S NOT THAT SMALL OF A SCHOOL.

[ ♪♪♪ ]

I CAN'T BELIEVE THE WHOLE WORLD KNOWS

HOW I BROKE UP WITH BEN.

DIAL BACK THE DRAMA, SADE.

IT WASN'T THAT BAD.

IT WAS THE MOST EMBARRASSING MOMENT EVER AT THE WOW.

WHAT ABOUT LAST YEAR?

THAT WAS WAY MORE EMBARRASSING.

WELCOME TO THE WOW'S FIRST ANNUAL

COCKROACH RACING EXTRAVAGANZA.

[ ♪♪♪ ]

THEY'RE GONE.

[ Circus ♪♪♪ ]

I MEANT EMBARRASSING FOR ME.

LET IT GO.

HARDLY ANYONE HEARD BEN'S POEM.

YOU'RE PROBABLY RIGHT.

IT WASN'T THAT MANY PEOPLE.

AND THE POEM WAS ABOUT YOU.

MOST PEOPLE DON'T EVEN KNOW WHO YOU ARE.

NOT THE SUPPORT I WAS LOOKING FOR,

BUT THANKS ANYWAY. FINE.

IF YOU WANT THIS TO GO AWAY,

ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS IMPLEMENT

THE "I MEANT TO DO THAT" RULE.

THE "I MEANT TO DO THAT" RULE. YEAH.

LIKE WHEN YOU ACCIDENTALLY FALL IN FRONT OF EVERYONE.

IF YOU ACT ALL EMBARRASSED ABOUT IT,

PEOPLE WILL LAUGH AT YOU.

IF YOU OWN IT AND SAY "I MEANT TO DO THAT,"

PEOPLE WILL THINK YOU'RE A GOOD SPORT.

SO, YOU'RE SAYING THAT I SHOULD TELL EVERYONE

THAT I MEANT TO DUMP BEN IN FRONT OF MY ENTIRE FAMILY,

SENDING HIM ON A DOWNWARD SPIRAL

AND MAKING OUR RELATIONSHIP TERMINALLY AWKWARD?

WOW.

IT SOUNDED A LOT BETTER ON PAPER, DIDN'T IT?

HALL COP. STUDENT 9818.

WOW, YOU'VE MEMORIZED MY STUDENT I.D.

IMPRESSIVE. THAT'S MY JOB.

I'M A HALL COP.

WORD IS YOU DON'T LIKE CAFETERIA FOOD.

YOU GOT THAT RIGHT, JACK.

MY SOURCES TELL ME

YOU GOT A THING FOR MALL FOOD.

YOUR SOURCES ARE RIGHT.

SPICY THAI, CRISPY CHICKEN,

TANGY PIZZA, LEAFY GREENS.

YOU LIKE IT ALL.

TRUE ENOUGH,

BUT THERE'S ONE THING I LIKE THE MOST.

AND WHAT'S THAT?

GIANT, TASTY MALL COOKIES.

WELL, WELL, WELL,

WHAT A COINCIDENCE.

LOOK WHAT I HAVE RIGHT HERE.

AND THERE'S PLENTY MORE WHERE IT CAME FROM.

LET ME GET THIS STRAIGHT.

YOU SLIP ME A GIANT, TASTY MALL COOKIE

AND I LET UP ON YOU.

YEAH, SOMETHING LIKE THAT. SORRY, KID.

HALL COP DOESN'T WORK LIKE THAT.

UH, OF COURSE HE DOESN'T.

I JUST THOUGHT YOU MIGHT WANT TO EAT SOMETHING

WHILE YOU READ THESE.

CIRCLED A BUNCH OF JOBS.

BETTER PAY, CLASSIER UNIFORMS.

NO ME.

THIS IS A SWEET GIG.

SHORTER HOURS, SUMMERS OFF.

HALL COP'S HERE TO STAY.

WANT SOME MILK WITH THAT?

NO, I'M GOOD.

HI.

I SHOULDN'T HAVE WRITTEN ABOUT OUR BREAK-UP.

IT WASN'T THE WRITING THAT BOTHERED ME SO MUCH.

IT WAS MORE... THE READING.

AND THE OVATION YOU GOT.

AND THE REQUEST FOR A BOOK TOUR. I KNOW.

BUT THIS IS YOUR FAULT.

YOU DID SAY WRITE FROM THE HEART.

IT SEEMED MORE LIKE IT CAME FROM YOUR SPLEEN.

ANYWAY, THANKS.

FOR WHAT? FOR HELPING ME GET OVER YOU.

WRITING THAT POEM GOT YOU OUT OF MY SYSTEM.

Sadie: [ Voiceover ] WOW. I HELPED BEN SO WE COULD BECOME CLOSER,

BUT ALL I DID WAS DRIVE HIM AWAY.

THAT'S POETIC JUSTICE.

PSSSTT. OVER HERE.

TAYLOR?

DON'T YOU TOTALLY LOVE MY BENNETT STUDENT DISGUISE?

IT'S JEANS AND A T-SHIRT.

I KNOW.

YOU GUYS REALLY HAVE TO AMP UP YOUR LOOK.

DID YOU KNOW HALL COP'S OLD BOSS AT THE MALL

IS WALKING THE BEAT NOW? OH, YEAH, YEAH.

MALL BOSS. BIG GUY WITH A BEARD.

ALWAYS A LITTLE SLOW OFF THE MARK.

UGH. ALL I KNOW IS HE'S DRIVING ME INSANE.

HE SHOWS UP EVERY DAY AT THE SAME TIME

AND ORDERS ME AROUND.

"CLEAN THE COUNTER. MAKE MY SASKATOON BERRY SMOOTHIE.

RETURN THE PYTHON TO THE PET SHOP."

BLAH, BLAH, BLAH.

WHAT DOES THIS HAVE TO DO WITH ME?

HUH! NONE OF THIS WOULD HAVE HAPPENED

IF YOU DIDN'T GET HALL COP FIRED.

WHAT DO YOU EXPECT ME TO DO, OKAY?

I'VE TRIED EVERYTHING.

I'VE TRIED BRIBING, I'VE TRIED PRANKING.

I'VE EVEN TRIED GETTING HIM ANOTHER JOB.

HALL COP'S NOT GOING ANYWHERE.

IT'S HOPELESS.

MAYBE YOU SHOULD TRY THE OBVIOUS.

NO, EVEN I CAN'T SUPPORT FALSE IMPRISONMENT.

TALK TO HIM!

[ Gasp ] WHOA.

GOT TO JET. IF YOU SEE RAIN,

KISS HIM FOR ME.

YEAH, WHATEVER. HALT!

I MEAN NO!

[ Drumbeats ]

WASSUP.

WASSUP.

WASSUP UP WITH THAT, DAWG?

[ Rapping ] ♪ YOU SCARF YOUR DINNER LIKE A HOG ♪

♪ YOU DIDN'T EVEN LEAVE A TIP ♪

♪ THAT IS BAD, TOTALLY UNHIP ♪

[ Sparse applause ] Taylor: FRED! WHOO!

WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?

THE MAN'S A GENIUS.

[ Clearing of throat ] THANK YOU, FRED.

UH, FRED'S CD MAKES AN EXCELLENT GIFT.

OR A COASTER.

[ Chuckling ] AND NOW

FOR OUR FINAL ACT OF THE EVENING.

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, MAKE IT REAL

FOR THE MAESTRO OF THE MIXES,

THE BEAST OF BEATS,

THE MASTER OF THE MIKE.

GIVE IT UP, YO, FOR RUN E.X.E.!

[ Applause ]

Sadie: [ Voiceover ] THIS SHOULD BE GOOD. A NIGHT OF ENTERTAINMENT

WITH NO ALANIS-LIKE RANTS ON MY RELATIONSHIP.

YO! WORD UP!

THIS BE A SHOUT OUT TO A LITTLE LADY.

A SPECIAL LITTLE LADY NAMED RED.

Run E.X.E.: YEAH. I GUESS RUN E.X.E.

DATED THAT HEIDI GIRL, TOO.

♪ ...STARTED, I WAS SHATTERED ♪

♪ AND SO BROKEN-HEARTED ♪

FIRST BEN, NOW RUN.

HOW MANY GUYS DID THIS GIRL DUMP?

YEAH, UH!

♪ YO, IT WAS LIKE GETTING KICKED IN THE HEAD ♪

Sadie: [ Voice over ] PLEASE DON'T LET THEM THINK

HE'S RAPPING ABOUT ME.

Run E.X.E.: YOU KNOW HOW WE DO IT.

COME ON, Y'ALL.

PUT YOUR HANDS IN THE AIR!

YEAH!

LET ME HEAR YOU SAY SA-A-AY-DEE! UH!

Crowd: SA-A-AY-DEE!

Sadie: [ Voiceover ] I THINK THEY'VE FIGURED IT OUT.

♪ SHADY SADIE, SHE AIN'T NO LADY ♪

♪ SHADY SADIE... ♪

RAISE THE ROOF, SADIE!

♪ SAY-DEE ♪

Crowd: SA-A-AY-DEE!

I'M TELLING YOU THE SAME THING I TOLD YOU LAST NIGHT:

I HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH IT.

SO, HE JUST RIPPED OFF YOUR POEM?

I BELIEVE THE INDUSTRY CALLS IT "SAMPLING".

IT'S A LEGITIMATE ARTISTIC DEVICE.

WELL, WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO ABOUT IT?

WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO DO ABOUT IT?

♪ SHADY SADIE, SHE AIN'T NO LADY ♪

PUT AN END TO THAT.

THE SHOUT-OUTS ARE EVEN WORSE THAN THE POEM.

HEY, MY REVIEWS WERE PRETTY GOOD.

WE'RE TALKING ABOUT SADIE NOW.

WHICH REMINDS ME.

CAN I RECORD A LOOP OF YOUR NAME FOR RUN E.X.E.?

HE LOVES MY VOICE.

WHAT? I'M SORRY, I HAD TO ASK.

I DIDN'T WANT TO OFFEND RUN.

WELL, I'M GLAD YOU'RE SO WORRIED ABOUT HIS FEELINGS.

AREN'T YOU A LITTLE OLD FOR BALLOONS?

IT'S FOR MY SON.

WAIT, YOU'VE GOT A KID?

IS IT THAT HARD TO IMAGINE?

WELL, YEAH. I MEAN,

I'VE NEVER REALLY THOUGHT OF YOU OUTSIDE THE MALL

OR THE SCHOOL OR ANYWHERE, REALLY.

A MAN'S GOT A JOB TO DO AND MOUTHS TO FEED.

YOU THINK HALL COP LIKES PLAYING THE HEAVY?

UH, YEAH, I KIND OF DO.

I USED TO KNOW SOMEONE LIKE YOU.

A REGULAR GOOD-TIME CHARLIE.

LIFE WAS ABOUT FUN TIMES AND PRANKS.

SOUNDS LIKE A PRETTY COOL GUY.

IS HE STILL AROUND?

WHOA.

THE RED STOP BUTTON.

YOU'RE THE PRANKINATOR?

I WAS THE PRANKINATOR.

THEN I GREW UP, GOT RESPONSIBILITIES.

SOME DAY YOU'LL KNOW WHAT I MEAN.

LISTEN TO ME NOW AND SAVE YOURSELF HEARTACHE LATER.

LEARN FROM MY EXPERIENCE.

SORRY, MALL COP,

BUT LIFE WITHOUT PRANKS ISN'T WORTH LIVING.

GOOD LUCK WITH PRANK NUMBER 51.

HOPE IT DOESN'T COST ANYONE ELSE THEIR JOB.

[ Rapping on headset ] ♪ I SAID SA-A-AY-DEE... ♪

MY LIFE IS OVER.

THAT STUPID SONG IS EVERYWHERE I GO.

HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO SHOW MY FACE AROUND BENNETT?

[ Sigh ] YOU'RE ALL SENSITIVE

BECAUSE THE SONG IS ABOUT YOU.

SO YOU JUST THINK YOU HEAR IT EVERYWHERE.

"SHADY SADIE" IS NOT THAT POPULAR.

[ Rapping on cell phone ] ♪ SHE LEFT ME BEFORE WE EVEN STARTED ♪

♪ I WAS SHATTERED, SO BROKEN-HEARTED ♪

[ Beep of cell phone ]

WELL, IT IS KIND OF CATCHY.

HEY, I NEED TO BORROW YOUR PEN.

Girls: [ Giggling ]

Girl: GREAT LYRICS, BEN.

HE'S GOT GROUPIES?

BEN'S LYRICS TOUCHED A CHORD,

ESPECIALLY WITH GIRLS.

THAT STUPID "SHADY SADIE" SONG

HAS MARKED ME FOR LIFE.

NO MATTER WHERE I GO, EVERYBODY WILL KNOW

ABOUT THE HORRIBLE WAY I BROKE UP WITH BEN.

AND THERE'S NOTHING I CAN DO ABOUT IT.

MAYBE EVERYONE WILL JUST GET SICK OF HEARING OF IT.

ARE YOU KIDDING ME?

I HEARD IT'S THE FIFTH MOST DOWNLOADED FILE ON THE WEB.

AND RUN E.X.E. IS GETTING TONNES OF HITS

ON HIS SITE FOR MY SONG.

"MY" SONG?

YOU'RE RIGHT, IT'S NOT REALLY MY SONG.

E.X.E.'S ONLY CREDITING ME WITH LYRICS.

I GUESS I'M MORE OF A CO-WRITER.

SADE, YOUR ONLY HOPE

IS THAT A BETTER TUNE CATCHES ON.

Ben: [ Chuckling ]

I WOULDN'T SAY A "BETTER" TUNE.

MAYBE "ANOTHER".

IT'S SO GOOD!

[ Sigh ]

[ Cell phone ♪♪♪ ]

I'D BETTER GET THAT.

[ ♪♪♪ ]

THERE'S OUR TARGET AT 12:00 O'CLOCK.

MY WATCH SAYS 4:30.

NO. NO, MALL BOSS.

HE'S RIGHT THERE.

OH, OKAY.

YOU SURE YOU WANT TO DO THIS?

IF IT WAS YOUR PRANK RECORD,

YOU WOULD DO THE SAME.

IT'S GO TIME. OKAY.

WE'RE SELLING SMOOTHIE OPERATOR BUTTONS.

ALL MONEY GOES TO CHARITY.

[ Clatter of buttons ] OOH! SORRY.

[ ♪♪♪ ]

FIZZ BOMB.

THE CLASSIC PRANK.

USED IT MYSELF IN '89.

SMOOTHIE!

NOOOOO!

NOT ON MY WATCH, KID.

YOU DESTROYED MY PRANK RECORD.

HOPE YOU'RE HAPPY, HALL COP.

[ Laughing ]

NICE JOB.

JUST A CIVILIAN DOING HIS CIVIC DUTY.

READY TO GET BACK INTO ACTION?

WILLING AND ABLE, SIR.

WE'LL SEE YOU ON MONDAY, THEN. OKAY.

WELCOME BACK... THANK YOU. MALL COP.

NICE WORK, KID.

YOU WEREN'T SO BAD YOURSELF.

DOESN'T MEAN YOU GET A FREE PASS.

I WON'T BE NEEDING IT.

UGH...

EW! WAY TOO MUCH BERRY IN THAT ONE.

THIS ONE'S ON THE HOUSE.

I CALL IT THE SHADY SADIE.

TELL ME IF IT TASTES BITTER TO YOU.

FRED, PLEASE.

NO MORE REMINDERS ABOUT THAT STUPID SONG.

I'M BEGGING YOU.

I'LL MAKE AN EXCEPTION FOR YOU, TINY.

YOU LOOK LIKE YOU HAD A ROUGH DAY.

[ Sigh ] YOU GOT THAT RIGHT.

AND YOUR NEW DRINK IS THE LEAST OF MY PROBLEMS.

[ Rap ♪♪♪ ]

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

I, UH, THINK I HAVE THE SOLUTION TO YOUR PROBLEM.

A DIFFERENT SONG.

[ Rapping ] ♪ YEAH, UH ♪

♪ YO, I MESSED UP ♪

♪ WHAT I DID WAS ILLIN' ♪

♪ BUT I 'FESSED UP ♪

♪ NOW YOUR BOY IS CHILLIN' ♪

♪ MAN, THAT GIRL IS DA BOMB AND I DID HER WRONG ♪

♪ HEY, THAT SADIE, SHE RULES ♪

♪ AND SHE'S PRETTY COOL ♪

♪ SO SORRY FOR WHAT I DID ♪

♪ I HOPE SHE CAN FORGIVE ♪

DID YOU WRITE THAT FOR ME?

I'M ONLY SAYING YES IF YOU LIKE IT.

ARE YOU KIDDING?

I LOVE IT.

I'D LOVE A TOILET PAPER JINGLE

IF IT MEANT THAT SHADY SADIE WAS OVER.

♪ AND THE GIRL IS DA BOMB AND I DID HER WRONG ♪

♪ MAN, THAT SADIE SHE RULES... ♪

IF YOU WANT PEOPLE TO STOP POINTING AND LAUGHING,

I'D HAVE MORE HIP AND LESS HOP.

Sadie: [ Voice over ] OKAY, NOT MY PREFERRED OPTION,

BUT IF IT MEANT I HAD TO GO THROUGH A LITTLE EMBARRASSMENT

TO GET BACK TO NORMAL WITH BEN,

IT WAS WORTH IT.

GO, SADIE, GO, SADIE.

GO, GO, GO, SADIE.

♪ SA-A-AY-DEE ♪

♪ SAY-DEE ♪

[ ♪♪♪ ]