Original subtitles

♪♪

[ Voice over ] HEY, I'M SADIE.

MY LIFE IS FILLED WITH ALL KINDS OF WEIRD CREATURES

FROM BEST FRIENDS TO IMPULSIVE BROTHERS.

SOMEHOW WE ALL FIT TOGETHER,

NATURALLY.

♪ IF I COULD CHOOSE A WORLD FOR ME ♪

♪ IT'D BE OPEN, BIG AND FREE ♪

♪ I'D PICK A PLACE NOT LIKE THE REST ♪

♪ NOT LIKE THE REST ♪

♪ IT'D BE BEST ♪ ♪ MY WORLD ♪

♪ MY SPACE, MY FRIENDS ♪

♪ I RUN TO YOU WHEN NO ONE'S THERE ♪

♪ NO ONE'S THERE ♪ ♪ AND OTHERS STARE ♪

♪ AND THERE WE'LL BE ♪

♪ NATURALLY ♪

Sadie: [ Voice over ] YOU ALWAYS HEAR THAT CRIME DOESN'T PAY.

IF THAT'S THE CASE,

WHY DO SO MANY PEOPLE TAKE IT UP?

WE'VE BEEN SITTING HERE FOR 15 MINUTES

AND WE COULD BE HERE A LOT LONGER.

I CAN DO THIS ALL DAY.

OKAY, I LIED.

I CAN'T DO THIS ALL DAY.

I'M LATE FOR AN APPOINTMENT,

SO START TALKING.

COME ON, HAWTHORNE.

JUST ADMIT IT, ALREADY.

ME?

DO I SEEM LIKE THE KIND OF PERSON

WHO'D FORGET TO CLOSE A CAGE?

UH, NO, YOU SEEM LIKE THE KIND OF PERSON

WHO WOULD LEAVE IT OPEN ON PURPOSE.

WELL, WHOEVER DID IT,

WE HAD SOME UNINVITED GUESTS

AT LAST NIGHT'S POKER...

FACULTY MEETING.

I JUMPED RIGHT INTO MR. KLIMCHUK'S ARMS.

NOW HE THINKS I'M INTO HIM...

[ Nervous laugh ] WHICH I AM NOT.

WHAT DO YOU HAVE TO SAY FOR YOURSELVES?

GUYS LIKE IT WHEN A WOMAN MAKES THEM FEEL NEEDED.

I THINK SHE'S TALKING ABOUT THE LAB MICE,

THE LAB MICE YOU LET GO.

NO WAY.

IF I TAKE THE FALL FOR HAWTHORNE,

THE CRIMINAL GOES FREE.

YOU'RE SO GUILTY THAT GUILTY PEOPLE LOOK AT YOU

AND SAY, "WOW, SHE SURE IS GUILTY".

AND HOW WOULD YOU KNOW WHAT A GUILTY PERSON SAYS?

OH, YEAH, THAT'S RIGHT.

BECAUSE YOU'RE...

THE ONLY WAY TO SOLVE THIS

IS TO HAVE A MOCK TRIAL.

I WELCOME A TRIAL.

ONCE THE EVIDENCE IS HEARD,

THERE'S NO WAY I COULD EVER BE CONVICTED.

COULD I?

BOO-YAH!

MANNSIE STRIKES AGAIN.

A TRIAL IS FINE WITH ME.

I'M INNOCENT.

BRING IT.

[ ♪♪♪ ]

THIS IS THE WORST THING THAT'S EVER HAPPENED.

NO WAY, I'VE GOT YOU BEAT ON THIS ONE.

I LOST MY SKETCHBOOK.

MY LIFE IS OVER.

OH, MAN. THAT'S HORRIBLE.

TELL ME ABOUT IT.

WELL, YOU HAD EVERY DRESS YOU EVER DESIGNED IN THERE.

AND I'VE GOT THAT HUGE DEADLINE

FOR MY FASHION INTERNSHIP WITH MITZI MONROE.

WITHOUT THOSE SKETCHES,

YOU CAN KISS YOUR INTERNSHIP GOODBYE.

THANKS, SADIE.

YOU SURE HAVE A WAY OF MAKING PEOPLE FEEL BETTER.

WHAT'S YOUR TERRIBLE NEWS?

THE SCIENCE LAB MICE ARE MISSING.

THAT'S IT?

MY LIFE IS OVER AND YOU'RE WHINING ABOUT

THOSE STINKY LITTLE POOP FACTORIES?

THIS IS HUGE!

WITHOUT A GOOD LAWYER,

I CAN KISS MY FREEDOM GOODBYE.

OKAY, SAY THAT AGAIN.

AND THIS TIME HAVE IT MAKE SENSE.

MS. MANN IS MAKING ME STAND TRIAL AGAINST ARDEN

TO FIGURE OUT WHO LET THE LAB MICE OUT OF THEIR CAGES.

OH, WELL THAT'S EASY.

IT HAD TO BE YOU, RIGHT?

YOU LOVE THOSE MICE.

MAN, WE ARE REALLY DOING A HORRIBLE JOB

AT CHEERING EACH OTHER UP.

DO I REALLY SOUND GUILTY?

A LITTLE BIT, YEAH.

I'M INNOCENT!

OBVIOUSLY, I NEED A PERSON TO REPRESENT ME

WHO KNOWS THE STRENGTH OF MY CHARACTER

AND THE SNEAKINESS OF ARDEN'S.

WELL, THAT'S EVERYONE WE KNOW.

AND YET I'VE GOT IT NARROWED DOWN TO JUST THE ONE PERSON.

[ ♪♪♪ ]

HEY, BEN.

HOW WOULD YOU LIKE TO TEST

YOUR INTELLECT, PATIENCE AND VERBAL SKILL?

DIDN'T WE ALREADY TRY DATING?

Rain: OH, SNAP!

I MEAN... NOT COOL.

THAT QUICK WIT WOULD MAKE YOU A GREAT LAWYER

IN MY TRIAL AGAINST ARDEN.

HEY, I HEARD ABOUT THAT.

BEING A COURT REPORTER HAS ALWAYS BEEN A DREAM.

MOCK TRIALS DON'T HAVE COURT REPORTERS, RAIN.

OH YEAH? WELL...

WELL, MS. MANN IS GOING TO GET AN EARFUL...

OF BEGGING.

NOBODY IS GOING TO CRUSH THIS DREAM.

NOBODY.

SO, WHY DO YOU WANT ME FOR THIS?

WELL, YOU KNOW WHAT ARDEN'S LIKE.

THIS IS A CHANCE TO EXPOSE HER FOR WHO SHE REALLY IS.

YEAH, YOU SEE, I'M NOT REALLY

AN "EXPOSE PEOPLE FOR WHO THEY REALLY ARE" TYPE OF GUY.

NOW, IF YOU WANT A "FALLS ASLEEP

DURING INSTRUCTIONAL VIDEOS" GUY,

THEN COME TO ME.

OKAY, LOOK, RATHER THAN BLAMING ARDEN,

YOU MAY WANT TO FOCUS ON PROVING YOUR INNOCENCE.

SEE THAT?

YOU'RE ALREADY GIVING ME LEGAL ADVICE.

OKAY, FINE.

I GUESS A CLOSER LOOK INTO THE LEGAL SYSTEM COULDN'T HURT.

GREAT.

WATCH OUT, ARDEN.

YOU'RE ABOUT TO GET CRUSHED...

[ Clearing of throat ]

AS LEGALLY AS POSSIBLE, I MEAN.

[ ♪♪♪ ]

MARGARET!

MARGARET, I'VE BEEN LOOKING ALL OVER FOR YOU.

WELL, YOU FOUND ME. WHAT'S UP?

JUST THIS?

MY SKETCHES!

DO YOU KNOW WHAT A LIFESAVER YOU ARE?

I-I'LL DO ANYTHING YOU ASK.

ANYTHING.

ALL I REALLY NEED IS A DRINK OF WATER.

DO YOU REALIZE WHAT YOU'VE JUST GIVEN ME?

THESE SKETCHES ARE MY LIFE.

YOU HAVE TO ASK FOR SOMETHING MORE THAN JUST A GLASS OF WATER.

OKAY, THEN.

I WANT A ONE-OF-A-KIND, TAILORED TO MY FIGURE,

BROWNING-LEVESQUE ORIGINAL DESIGN, MADE JUST FOR ME.

[ ♪♪♪ ]

I... I MEANT... FRIES OR SOMETHING.

♪ YOU GO, GIRL ♪

[ ♪♪♪ ]

TAKE IT EASY.

YOU MAY GET SOME IN YOUR MOUTH.

WELL, THIS CEREAL'S USELESS, OKAY?

THIS IS WHAT I'M AFTER.

COLLECT ALL FIVE ROCK 'N' ROLL PENDANTS.

FOUR MORE TO GO AND I'M ON EASY STREET.

AND HOW EXACTLY WILL PENDANTS FROM A CEREAL BOX

PUT YOU ON EASY STREET?

CAN YOU NOT TAKE THE FUN OUT OF EVERYTHING, PLEASE.

WELL, THE FUN'S OUT OF THIS ONE.

I BIT INTO THAT STUPID PRIZE AND NEARLY LOST A TOOTH.

I THREW IT AWAY.

PLEASE TELL ME YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT YOUR TOOTH.

HOW COULD YOU MISTAKE A PENDANT WRAPPED IN PLASTIC FOR CEREAL?

THIS ISN'T THE FIRST TIME YOU'VE DONE THAT.

[ Muffled yelping ]

YES!

NOW ALL I NEED IS THE BIG TOE AND I'M ON EASY STREET.

UGH-H!

OKAY, WELL I HAVE BIGGER THINGS ON MY MIND

THAN YOUR MONKEY-BRAINED TOYS.

THEY'RE NOT TOYS, THEY'RE PRIZES.

FINE.

I HAVE BIGGER THINGS ON MY MIND THAN COLLECTING PRIZES.

I HAVE A TRIAL TO PREPARE FOR.

I KNOW WHAT I'M COLLECTING NOW:

REVENGE.

HEH-HEH.

HEY, MALLORY,

JUST WHAT YOU ASKED FOR:

A BROWNING-LEVESQUE ORIGINAL.

WOW! I LOVE IT.

I THOUGHT THAT WHEN I SAW IT IN YOUR COLLECTION LAST YEAR.

I CAN'T WAIT TO SEE WHAT MY ORIGINAL, ORIGINAL WILL LOOK LIKE.

I JUST HAVE A DEADLINE WITH MITZI MONROE

SO I THOUGHT THAT MAYBE YOU COULD,

YOU KNOW, JUST...

OH, THE INTERNSHIP THAT WOULD BE OVER

IF I DIDN'T FIND THOSE SKETCHES?

I'M SURE YOU CAN FIT IN BOTH FOR A LIFESAVER, RIGHT?

[ ♪♪♪ ]

WHY COULDN'T I JUST GIVE HER THE GLASS OF WATER?

NO, OF COURSE NOT.

[ ♪♪♪ ]

YOU'RE LATE.

RAIN WAS INTERVIEWING ME OUTSIDE.

I HAD TO BREAK HIS PENCIL WHEN HE BROUGHT UP OUR PAST.

AND YOU'RE WEARING JEANS.

SO?

IS THAT HOW YOU DRESS FOR COURT?

NO, THIS IS HOW I DRESS FOR SCHOOL.

LOOK AT ARDEN.

SHE DOESN'T EVEN HAVE A LAWYER.

I'VE GOT THIS ONE IN THE BAG.

I GUESS IT'S HARD TO FIND A LAWYER

WHEN YOU'RE THE ONLY PERSON WHO THINKS YOU'RE INNOCENT.

FORTUNATELY, I WAS ABLE TO FIND AT LEAST ONE MORE.

SORRY I'M LATE.

I HAD TO FIELD QUESTIONS FROM THE PRESS GUY.

HE IS VICIOUS.

SOMEBODY BROKE HIS PENCIL.

I'M GOING TO NEED A 10-MINUTE RECESS.

RECESS GRANTED.

[ Laughing ] YAY! RECESS!

RECESS!

Hal: YAY, RECESS!

FOR THOSE OF YOU JUST JOINING US

OUTSIDE THE R.B. BENNETT COURTROOM,

CONTROVERSY HAS ROCKED THE HAWTHORNE-ALCOTT TRIAL.

THE ANNOUNCEMENT OF HAL AS ARDEN'S LAWYER

HAS STUNNED WHITBY'S LEGAL COMMUNITY,

AS WELL AS CAFETERIA PATRONS AND GYM CLASS MEMBERS.

NOW, ANY THOUGHTS ON THIS UNPRECEDENTED TURN OF EVENTS?

ARDEN ALCOTT IS ATTEMPTING TO USE

TRICKERY AND GRANDSTANDING TO WIN THIS CASE.

AND IT'S THAT SAME PERSONALITY

THAT MADE HER GUILTY IN THE FIRST PLACE.

PLUS, I'VE SEEN HER REPRESENTATIVE'S REPORT CARDS

AND THEY'RE NOT PRETTY.

IN THE END, I KNOW THE TRUTH WILL BE TOLD.

ARDEN!

THIS WHOLE ORDEAL HAS BEEN INCREDIBLY DIFFICULT FOR ME.

I'M LOOKING FORWARD TO BEING VINDICATED

AND TO RESUMING THE LIFE I HAD BEFORE...

WITH A LITTLE MORE STATUS.

AND WHAT OF THE LAB MICE?

IF ONLY THEY COULD SPEAK.

IF THEY COULD TALK,

WHO DO YOU THINK THEY WOULD SAY IS GUILTY?

ANYONE?

GO ON, DON'T BE SHY.

OKAY, NOW I WORKED ON THIS ALL LAST NIGHT,

TIME I COULD HAVE SPENT ON MY INTERNSHIP PROJECT,

TALKING ON THE PHONE, OR UPDATING MY MICHAEL BUBLE BLOG.

BUT A DEAL'S A DEAL,

SO I SPENT IT COMING UP WITH A DESIGN JUST FOR YOU.

SO, WHAT DO YOU THINK?

WHEN I WAS A LITTLE GIRL,

I USED TO DREAM THAT I'D WEAR A DRESS EXACTLY LIKE THIS.

I WOULD WALK DOWN A PATH COVERED IN ROSE PETALS...

OH, THE PATH, NOT ME,

AND AT THE END OF THE PATH, A PRINCE WOULD BE WAITING.

OH! I LOVE IT.

THANK YOU!

UH...

WELL...

WELL, WHAT?

EXCEPT FOR MAYBE THE BOW...

AND THE... THE STITCHING,

AND THE LENGTH IS...

OH, AND THE MATERIAL. I DON'T... YEAH...

SO WHAT EXACTLY DO YOU LOVE ABOUT IT?

I LIKE THE COLOUR.

YELLOW IS MY FAVOURITE.

ACTUALLY, THE COLOUR IS CALLED SAFFRON.

OH.

UH, THEN...

NOTHING.

[ Sigh ]

BUT, OKAY... DON'T LET ME SET YOU BACK.

IF THERE'S ONE PERSON THAT CAN COME UP WITH THE PERFECT DRESS FOR ME,

I KNOW IT'S YOU.

THANKS, BUT...

WITH ALL OF YOUR DEMANDS,

AND MY INTERNSHIP TO WORRY ABOUT...

HEY, WHAT DO YOU SAY YOU, UH...

HEAD OVER TO THE HOME EC ROOM AND GET CRACKING.

[ ♪♪♪ ]

SADIE HAWTHORNE.

WHAT DO ANY OF US REALLY KNOW ABOUT SADIE HAWTHORNE?

WE'RE ABOUT TO FIND OUT MORE THAN WE COULD HAVE EVER IMAGINED.

[ Clearing of throat ]

[ Reading ] "APRIL 7, 2004.

TODAY, THE SICK RACCOON I NURSED BACK TO HEALTH

WAS READY TO BE RELEASED INTO THE WILD.

BE BRAVE, LITTLE RACCOON."

YOU READ MY DIARY! DID NOT!

[ Reading ] "I SAW OWEN AT THE WHITBY COMMONS AGAIN.

I HOPE HE DIDN'T NOTICE MY PIMPLE."

[ Laughter ] I OBJECT!

Sadie: [ Voice over ] COOL. I'VE ALWAYS WANTED TO DO THAT.

MISS HAWTHORNE, YOU'RE ON TRIAL.

IN A COURTROOM, ONLY THE LAWYERS CAN OBJECT.

I ASSURE YOU, MY LAWYER OBJECTS STRONGLY.

IS THAT TRUE, MR. HARRISON?

I OBJECT TO MY CLIENT'S OBJECTION.

OTHER THAN THAT, EVERYTHING'S COOL.

BESIDES, EVERYONE GETS A PIMPLE.

[ Mixed laughter ]

AND THAT IS EXACTLY THE TEMPER YOU'D EXPECT TO SEE

FROM SOMEONE WHO, ON APRIL 25th,

HAD A FIT OF RAGE OVER BITING INTO A FAKE FINGER

FROM A CEREAL BOX.

Sadie: [ Voice over ] I REALLY HAVE TO HIDE THAT DIARY.

HEY, MARGARET.

I HAVE SOME GREAT NEWS.

REALLY? YOU FOUND A DESIGNER

YOU LIKE BETTER THAN ME?

WHAT A BLOW!

HOW AM I EVER GOING TO BOUNCE BACK?

OH WELL.

GIRL'S GOT TO DO WHAT A GIRL'S GO TO DO.

MARGARET, THAT'S HILARIOUS.

HOW DO YOU EVEN FIND TIME TO DESIGN MY DRESS

WHILE YOU'RE COMING UP WITH SUCH GREAT JOKES?

GOOD NEWS!

I JUST SPOKE TO MY MOM,

AND THERE WAS A CANCELLATION

AT THE BUSGANG BAR MITZVAH SO...

WE'RE IN!

THAT MEANS THAT I NEED THAT DRESS IN TWO DAYS.

AND HOW IS THAT GOOD NEWS?

BECAUSE THE BUSGANG BAR MITZVAH

IS GOING TO ROCK.

PLUS, A... A DEADLINE WILL HELP YOU

KICK THAT CREATIVE GENIUS INTO HIGH GEAR.

I KNOW THAT YOU CAN DO IT.

OH...

I HOPE THAT'S NOT FOR ME.

[ ♪♪♪ ]

YOU LOVE ANIMALS, RIGHT?

ABSOLUTELY.

SO YOU WOULD NEVER LET LAB MICE OUT OF THEIR CAGES

BECAUSE IT COULD BE HARMFUL TO THEM, RIGHT?

I OBJECT. LEADING THE WITNESS.

OBJECTION SUSTAINED.

NOT FAIR!

SUSTAINED MEANS I AGREE WITH YOU, HAL.

OVERRULED IS WHEN I DON'T.

OHHH... SUSTAIN-ERRIFIC!

MR. HARRISON, PLEASE REPHRASE YOUR QUESTION.

BUT, UH... THAT'S HOW I WANTED TO SAY IT.

I'M NOT EXACTLY SURE HOW I SAID IT THE FIRST TIME.

I'M PRETTY MUCH JUST WINGING IT UP HERE.

WELL, ASK HER SOMETHING.

GOT ANYTHING IN MIND?

I CAN'T TELL YOU THAT.

FINE.

MISS HAWTHORNE...

DID YOU REALLY BITE INTO A CEREAL BOX PRIZE?

[ Mixed laughter ]

WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING?

IT'S CALLED "TRYING MY BEST."

THEN TRY SOMEONE ELSE'S BEST.

WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'M NOT TRYING?

DURING OPENING STATEMENTS,

YOU TOLD JUROR NUMBER SIX HE HAD A COOL HAT.

YEAH, IT'S A SWEET HAT.

WHERE DO YOU THINK HE GOT IT?

WHO CARES WHERE HE GOT IT?

LOOK, WHY DID YOU EVEN AGREE TO DO THIS?

BECAUSE YOU ASKED ME TO.

AND I THOUGHT THERE'D BE FREE SNACKS.

OKAY, THIS MAY BE A JOKE TO YOU,

BUT I'M TRYING TO DEFEND MYSELF AGAINST ARDEN.

OH, COME ON.

HOW DO YOU EVEN KNOW IT WAS HER?

ARE YOU KIDDING?

THE ONLY REASON I ASKED YOU TO DEFEND ME

IS BECAUSE I THOUGHT YOU BELIEVED ME.

THE ONLY REASON YOU ASKED ME TO DEFEND YOU

IS BECAUSE YOU STILL LIKE ME.

I DO NOT LIKE YOU!

UGH!

[ Mixed exclamations ]

OKAY, THAT'S TAKING LAWYER-CLIENT PRIVILEGE TOO FAR.

YOU TWO ARE OUT OF ORDER.

THIS COURTROOM IS OUT OF ORDER.

YOU'RE ALL OUT OF ORDER!

LET'S TAKE A TEN-MINUTE RECESS.

Sadie: [ Voice over ] YOU NEVER SEE THAT HAPPEN ON "JUDGE JUDY".

FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO HAVE BEEN UNDER A ROCK

THE PAST TEN MINUTES,

A MAJOR SCANDAL HAS SHAKEN THE HAWTHORNE-ALCOTT TRIAL

TO ITS VERY FOUNDATION.

SO, NOW THAT YOU TWO

HAVE STEAMED UP THE R.B. BENNETT COURTROOM,

ANY CHANCE YOU'LL MAKE IT LEGAL?

KISSING IN COURT IS NOT UNPRECEDENTED.

I CITE MAY VERSUS PICHERACK,

WHERE A WITNESS AND A LAWYER KISSED FOR WAY LONGER THAN WE DID.

PLUS THEY HELD HANDS.

BUT THE TWO OF YOU HAVE ALSO BEEN SEEN

PASSING NOTES AT YOUR TABLE.

CARE TO COMMENT?

EVERY CLIENT DOES THAT WITH THEIR LAWYER.

BUT DO THEY DOT THEIR Is WITH HEARTS?

THE PEOPLE WANT TO KNOW.

WELL, YOU CAN TELL THE PEOPLE

THAT WE ARE NOT BACK TOGETHER.

ABSOLUTELY NOT.

THERE'S AN OLD SAYING:

"ONE WHO DEFENDS ONESELF IN COURT

HAS A FOOL FOR A CLIENT."

WHEREAS, SHE WHO KISSES HER LAWYER IN COURT...

[ Sigh ] IS THE MUCH BIGGER FOOL.

SO, IF YOU AND BEN AREN'T BACK TOGETHER,

WHAT EFFECT DO YOU SEE THE KISS HAVING ON THE TRIAL?

NONE, IN THEORY.

BUT IN LIGHT OF RECENT EVENTS,

I WILL BE DEFENDING MYSELF.

JUROR NUMBER SIX WANTS TO KNOW

IF THERE'S ANY CHANCE THAT...

YOU'LL KISS HIM TOO.

THE GUY WITH THE STUPID HAT?

I DON'T THINK SO.

FROM HERE ON, THIS WILL BE STRICTLY BY THE BOOK.

SO I'M NOT KISSING ANYONE ELSE!

[ Sigh ]

[ Stammering ]

HMM...

WELL...

INTERESTING.

INTERESTING "GOOD"?

INTERESTING "BAD"?

INTERESTING "IT'S PERFECT,

AND WE CAN FINALLY GET THIS THING OVER WITH"?

JUST SAY IT. SAY IT QUICKLY,

LIKE YOU'RE PULLING OFF A BANDAGE.

THIS IS THE DRESS.

REALLY? Y-YOU MEAN IT?

YOU'RE NOT JUST GOING TO CHANGE YOUR MIND?

YOU'RE NOT GOING TO TELL ME YOU'RE ALLERGIC TO THE COLOUR

OR IT REMINDS YOU OF THE DRESS

YOUR AUNTIE RACHEL WORE TO SEDER?

NO.

THIS IS EXACTLY WHAT I WANTED.

I'M GOING TO BE THE BELLE OF THE BAR MITZVAH.

I CAN'T WAIT TO SEE IT ON ME.

AND I CAN'T WAIT TO MAKE IT FOR YOU.

YES!

[ ♪♪♪ ]

OH... TOO MUCH?

YEAH, BUT...

KEEP DOING IT, IT'S KIND OF FUNNY.

[ Squealing ]

[ ♪♪♪ ]

I CALL TO THE STAND, THE HELPLESS VICTIM OF ALL THIS,

ARDEN ALCOTT.

GET YOUR GRUBBY MATH BOOK AWAY FROM ME.

MS. ALCOTT, BEFORE WE PROCEED,

YOU SHOULD KNOW THAT IF YOU WANTED TO FIRE ME WITH A KISS,

I WON'T SUE YOU FOR WRONGFUL DISMISSAL.

DULY NOTED.

NOW, AS YOU KNOW, RELEASING LAB MICE FROM THEIR CAGES

IS A LONG-TIME OUTLAWED MILITARY PRACTICE

CALLED "OPERATION RODENT THUNDER."

I'VE NEVER HEARD THAT.

TRUST ME, IT IS.

NOW, MISS ALCOTT, I ASK YOU THIS QUESTION, ONCE AND FOR ALL.

DID YOU PERFORM OPERATION RODENT THUNDER?

NO. WELL THEN, WHY ARE YOU A SUSPECT?

IT WAS MY MORNING TO FEED THE MICE

AND HAWTHORNE, NOT YOU, YOUR SISTER,

DIDN'T THINK I WOULD DO IT

BECAUSE SHE BELIEVED I WAS CREEPED OUT BY THEM.

SO, DID YOU FEED THE MICE?

I DID.

BUT WHEN SHE WENT TO CHECK IF I'D DONE IT,

SHE SAID THE MICE WERE GONE.

I KNOW THAT THEY WERE THERE WHEN I LEFT.

Hal: AND THESE MICE IN QUESTION,

DID YOU GET CREEPED OUT BY THEM?

NO, I THOUGHT THEY WERE CUTE.

I EVEN CREATED A WAY TO TELL THEM APART.

REALLY?

WELL, I'M SURE WE'D ALL LIKE TO HEAR HOW YOU DID THAT.

SIMPLE.

I PUT PENDANTS AROUND THEIR NECKS.

YOU KNOW, LIKE THE KIND YOU FIND

AS PRIZES IN A CEREAL BOX.

Hal: INTERESTING.

DID YOU HAVE ALL FIVE?

[ ♪♪♪ ]

[ Sighing ]

PLEASE TELL ME I POKED A HOLE IN YOU

AND NOW YOU'RE DEFLATING.

I DON'T MEAN TO BE A PAIN...

WAY TOO LATE FOR THAT.

BUT IT DOESN'T LOOK MUCH LIKE THE SKETCH...

DOES IT?

WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

IT'S EXACTLY LIKE THE SKETCH.

YOU'RE PROBABLY RIGHT.

TRUST ME, I'M RIGHT.

I AM SO, SO RIGHT.

MAYBE BECAUSE THE SKETCH WAS SO SMALL,

I COULDN'T TELL HOW WEIRD THIS BOW IS...

THE BOW? OKAY.

OR... OR HOW LONG THESE SLEEVES WERE.

SLEEVES TOO LONG?

OKAY.

WHAT ELSE?

SAY THE WORD AND THE ZIPPER'S HISTORY TOO.

[ Gasping ]

IT'S ABSOLUTELY PERFECT.

YOU'VE OUTDONE YOURSELF.

YOU KNOW WHAT?

IT'S NOT BAD.

YOU MAY JUST HAVE PUSHED ME INTO MAKING

ONE OF MY BEST DESIGNS EVER.

SO, UH...

DO YOU DO HATS?

I WOULD LIKE TO CALL A SURPRISE WITNESS TO THE STAND.

PFFFT! THIS OUGHT TO BE GOOD.

HAL HAWTHORNE.

I DON'T KNOW WHAT KIND OF CHEAP THEATRICS YOU'RE TRYING TO PULL.

JUST TAKE THE STAND.

I JUST WANT TO SAY TO MY ESTEEMED COLLEAGUE

THAT IF SHE ATTEMPTS TO KISS ME,

IT'LL BE PRETTY GROSS.

[ Mixed laughter ]

THAT'S FUNNY.

YOU LIKE TO MAKE JOKES, DON'T YOU, HAL?

YEAH, SURE. WHO DOESN'T?

WELL, BESIDES YOU.

HOW ABOUT THE WAY ARDEN PUT CEREAL PRIZES

AROUND THE NECK OF THE LAB MICE TO TELL THEM APART?

IS THAT FUNNY TOO?

I DON'T GET THE CONNECTION, BUT SURE.

IT'S NOT COMIC GOLD,

IT'S SORT OF "CUTE" FUNNY.

AND THE WAY YOU LIKE TO RIFLE THROUGH CEREAL BOXES FOR PRIZES

IN AN ATTEMPT TO COLLECT ALL FIVE?

FUNNY "HA-HA" OR FUNNY "STRANGE"?

WHA... WHAT'S STRANGE ABOUT THAT?

I... I'VE DONE THAT SINCE I WAS LITTLE.

HALF THE WORLD DOES.

DO YOU WANT TO PUT THEM ON THE STAND TOO?

YOU WERE FOUR AWAY FROM HAVING THE SET

OF ALL FIVE CEREAL PRIZES,

THE VERY SAME PENDANTS

THAT YOUR CLIENT PLACED ON THE MICE, TO TELL THEM APART.

Ms. Mann: HAL'S NOT ON TRIAL HERE.

YOU'D BETTER BE ASKING A QUESTION, MISS HAWTHORNE.

OTHERWISE, YOU'LL BE IN CONTEMPT OF COURT.

DID YOU LET THE LAB MICE OUT OF THEIR CAGES?

I DON'T UNDERSTAND WHAT YOU'RE ASKING ME.

FINE. DID YOU PERFORM OPERATION RODENT THUNDER?

MISS HAWTHORNE, YOU'VE BEEN WARNED.

YOU WANTED THOSE PRIZES, RIGHT?

YOU WERE ENTITLED TO THEM, WEREN'T YOU?

AND NOW SOME LAB MICE WERE ALL THAT STOOD

BETWEEN YOU AND EASY STREET.

DID YOU PERFORM OPERATION RODENT THUNDER?

YOU'D BETTER BELIEVE I DID!

[ Gasps ]

BAILIFF, PLEASE ESCORT MR. HAWTHORNE TO DETENTION.

WHAT... WHAT'S GOING ON HERE?

HEY, GET OFF ME!

I JUST... I JUST WANTED TO COLLECT ALL FIVE!

SADIE WOULDN'T LET ME COLLECT ALL FIVE!

I WAS ON EASY STREET!

I WAS ON EASY STREET!

NO-O-O!

THESE ARE REALLY GOOD.

EVEN BETTER THAN THE ONES I WAS GOING TO USE IN MY INTERNSHIP.

YOU FORCING ME TO MAKE SO MANY SKETCHES ACTUALLY HELPED.

I DIDN'T KNOW I WAS PUSHING YOU.

BUT HEY, IF IT TOOK YOUR WORK TO ANOTHER LEVEL,

I'M HAPPY TO HEAR IT.

AND I'VE LEARNED TO GUARD MY SKETCHBOOK WITH MY LIFE.

WHERE DID YOU FIND IT ANYWAY?

OH, IT WAS IN MY LOCKER.

YOU DO REMEMBER WHEN I BORROWED IT, RIGHT?

NO, I REMEMBER IT BEING ON MY DESK

AND THEN THE NEXT MINUTE I DIDN'T KNOW WHERE IT WAS.

OH, HUH! THAT MUST HAVE BEEN WHEN I BORROWED IT.

BUT HEY, AT LEAST YOU GOT IT BACK, RIGHT?

OH, THAT REMINDS ME.

I, UH, I FOUND THAT... THAT BELT BUCKLE THAT YOU LOST.

HUH! THIS ISN'T MINE.

SURE IT IS.

I FOUND IT IN YOUR LOCKER

AND YOU WERE WEARING IT LAST WEEK.

WELL, IT HAS YOUR INITIALS ON IT.

M.B.L.

M.B.L.?

THAT COULD BE ANYTHING. MARY-BETH LEWIS,

MARITIME BUREAU OF LUMBERJACKS...

MUSKOKA BEAVER LOBBY.

HEY, YOU KNOW MY HAT SIZE, RIGHT?

[ ♪♪♪ ]

I CAN'T BELIEVE HAL WOULDN'T GRANT ME AN INTERVIEW.

I HAVE A RESPONSIBILITY TO THE PEOPLE.

MAYBE HE'LL GIVE YOU THE SCOOP

WHEN HE GETS OUT OF DETENTION.

I COULD GET THE INTERVIEW FROM DETENTION.

"RAIN PAPADAKIS EXPLORES THE CRIMINAL MIND

FROM THE INNER WALLS."

I SHOULD GET GOING BEFORE HE SELLS THE BOOK RIGHTS.

[ ♪♪♪ ]

HEY, HAWTHORNE.

NICE JOB IN THERE.

NOT TOO BAD YOURSELF.

HEY, THAT PART ABOUT YOU THINKING THE MICE WERE CUTE.

DID YOU MEAN THAT

OR WERE YOU JUST PLAYING TO THE JURY?

THAT'S MY LITTLE SECRET.

BESIDES, THERE ARE MANY THINGS IN THIS WORLD

THAT ARE WAY CUTER THAN MICE.

[ ♪♪♪ ]

SO YOU WON YOUR FIRST CASE.

MY FIRST AND LAST ONE.

DIDN'T GET TOO HOT UP THERE FOR YOU, DID IT?

OH, YOU MEAN WHEN YOU AND ME...

I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE BATTLE, IS ALL.

OH, YEAH. ME TOO.

I MEAN, IT COULD HAPPEN TO ANYONE.

[ Chuckling ] OKAY, VIRTUALLY NO ONE.

SO, WE'RE JUST FRIENDS, RIGHT?

OF COURSE.

WE'RE JUST FRIENDS.

IT'S AN OPEN AND SHUT CASE.

I DON'T KNOW, RED.

THE JURY MAY STILL BE OUT ON THAT ONE.

HOW MUCH LONGER ARE WE GOING TO SPEAK IN LEGAL JARGON?

UNTIL THEY THROW THE BOOK AT ME.

CAN WE PLEASE TAKE A FIVE-MINUTE RECESS FROM THIS?

Sadie: [ Voice over ] SO, MAYBE CRIME DOESN'T PAY.

BUT ON THIS AFTERNOON,

IT CERTAINLY MADE THINGS A LOT MORE...

INTERESTING.

[ ♪♪♪ ]