Original subtitles

Playing varsity football at St. Roman's was a lot like being a rockstar.

You got laid,

you got pampered

you wore a lot of makeup.

And getting a taste of it for one game

was the worst thing that could've happened to me.

With one missed kick I'd gone from rockstar to roadie overnight

and I was not taking my fall from grace very well.

- Stupid jug! - Hey!

Don't kick that jug

That jug's won 3 state championships. How many you win?

that's right

This... sucks

Ehh, it's not that bad.

The seniors all did this when they were freshmen.

It's just part of being on the team.

On the team?

Rocco, we were in charge of ice buckets.

3-time State Championship ice buckets

Come on now, show a little respect.

I had been one kick away from greatness

a freshman playing big-time varsity.

We need a refill, dude

Coach told me to tell you to take care of it.

A little hustle

Instead I was a JV kicker on an 0-9 who took orders from a ten-year-old Waterboy.

That could have been me

That should have been me

Hey!

But, no

this was me.

Extra-point unit!

I'd gone from Friday Night Lights

to Saturday morning sprinklers

hold on, hold on, sprinklers again

So, this might take a few minutes

Batavia's good with just giving you the extra point so we can move it along.

- That's alright with us. - Great,

just don't tell the league.

Hey, Pete

I know the JV team hasn't won any games yet this year

which is depressing, but it's not, and I quote, like waking up in Bosnia

So can you rewrite it? Or at least not kill yourself

- I'll try - To rewrite it or not kill yourself?

I'll rewrite it.

Also I've noticed you've been hanging out with Ronnie, the waterboy

so maybe after you're done with this you can do a piece on him.

That kid's a treasure.

I hate that little dickhead

What was that?

You know, I said I hate that little dickhead

but, yeah sure, I'll rewrite it

no Bosnian death squad references.

Hey Brent, here's that new article

Hey Pete

Hey

Notice anything different about me?

- You look even more beautiful and unobtainable than ever?

My necklace - check it out - Justin made it for me

- Wow, that's the ugliest necklace I've ever seen in my life

wow, it... it's beautiful

It is, isn't it?

alright, well, see ya

- ...little hacky-sacks, that's really not a problem

and it's pretty much just like a soccer ball, but smaller.

Of course, Justin made her a hemp necklace

Of course he did

He probably had time to do stuff like that,

he was a soccer player.

Those guys didn't do dick.

Meanwhile I'm doing 3-a-day suicide sprints

and getting up at 5 a.m. for JV football

spending every waking hour with a bunch of prepubescent meatheads

and for what?

To lose?!

To be humiliated constantly!?

To get journalistic insight from Ronnie the waterboy?!

How much more of this I going to take!?!

There was only one thing I could do

Dear Coach Carfora, I regret to inform you

What is this?

- It's my resignation letter - A letter, who are you Benjamin Franklin?

- just give it back - you're quitting football that's insane

Look, it's not like varsity

okay, the JV team is terrible

so what... I'd give anything just for one more practice with my buddies

you gotta enjoy it while you can

- Would you enjoy riding the bench? - I don't know, I was really awesome

Exactly!

you were awesome and I'm not

- that's why this is way different - actually it's not

you're just being a bitch

which you'll realize, when Carfora absolutely destroys you for it

good luck

What?

Speak up I can't hear you

I said I need to submit a letter

Come over here, will ya?

Who are you?

Hickey

I'm the...

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah my JV kicker

You don't have your number on.

What you want?

I think...

everything I need to say is in here

Oh, hell no Hickey I don't read during football season.

Just spit it out.

Okay

Dear Coach Carfora,

Our team motto, never surrender, means so much to me

but, over the past few days of giving those words serious thought

Yeah, maybe get to your conclusatory paragraph

Okay, well

Coach, I respectfully and admiringly r...

I quit

I braced for it, the yelling

the cursing

the angry naked chase that coaches could get away

with before the dawn of YouTube

- but instead all I got was... - okay

Give me a piece of hard candy will you?

From my shower-stash, it's right there.

I was feeling good

no more sweaty pads

no more puking up grass

no more water jugs

I was footloose and fancy-free

free to spend time on more important things

Hey Pete, how are things?

Uh, nothing much

I mean...

I'm neat...

"Pete is neat", you know

- remember you wrote that on my book - yeah

right a thing

You're hilarious

- Yes, I am hilarious, thank you

and also not a waterboy, anymore.

OK, keep it casual, stay hilarious

so...

don't you have soccer?

- Or try to rush her out the door

No, yesterday was our last game

I scored two goals.

Woah, awesome

I look forward to writing about your greatness for the next three years

Thanks

- Not bad, moving to chains along but lose the football references

you don't play anymore, remember?

You know, I'm definitely sad it's over but the free time is nice though.

Yeah, I...

I think I know what you mean.

yeah, you football guys seem so busy.

She called me a football guy

Unfortunately, that sounded good

I feel like we never hang out anymore

When's your next game? It would be cool to see you in action.

I... actually, I just...

I mean Saturday

Our last game's Saturday

great... Saturday!

I'll be there. Ready to write about your greatness

in the words of Coach Carfora

Shit

The thing was, Carfora was so busy

he probably wouldn't even remember I quit

and if he did, well, how was he to know I meant to quit the team

I could have meant I quit the day

hating Mondays is totally a thing.

Totally a thing

Here we go

Right hamstring

maybe no one even noticed that I was gone

which normally would be really embarrassing

but not today.

Hey guys

Never surrender, am I right?

What are you doing here?

You quit!

Okay, that wa...

I quit Mondays

but that was temporary

I'm back now, full time, even next Monday

I don't know, man

We already got Crivey 'Four Toes' as our kicker now

technically it's four and a half

I just nicked a chunk off with a hockey skate

either way it's four and a half toes that don't quit

Okay, taking crap from some of the guys was to be expected

but the important thing was that I was back on the team

hold on, hold on, hold on

maybe

God dammit

Like hell is this?

Did we or did we not conversate yesterday in the shower

about you no longer being a Friar no more?

No... that was just

- monday... - My question was rhetorical

I really have no interest in anything you have to say to me on my football field

because all you do is waste my time

and when you waste my time you waste their time

and the more time gets wasted

that's the less time we have to win.

So in theoreticals

you're helping us to lose

even when you're not on the team.

Everyone thank Hickey Dick Leg

Thank you Hickey Dick Leg

For ...?

- Helping us lose - Screw you

Now... get off my field.

Back to work

When Carfora got really pissed his ultimate punishment was carforas

which were really just laps.

But as I walked back to the locker room

I realized that the only way to show him

how bad I wanted back on the team

was to prove it

with the little self-inflicted punishment of my own.

Get your ass down

What the hell does he think he's doing?

I don't know man, I don't know

Alright

1st team defense, get your ass down

He's still going?

He's crazy

How long has it been?

At least an hour.

- Want to start a death pool? - Definitely

Good work getting your asses down today boys

Bring it in

- Saint Roman! - Pray for us!

- Friars! - Never surrender!

Good work, hit the showers

He ran the entire practice

That's gotta be like 9 miles

it was 12

He must really want to get back on the team.

Or does he just love running?

He freaking hates running more than he hates Mondays.

It's true, and ironically as a kicker I was ruining my legs.

But honestly I wasn't thinking about that

all I could think about was Alex

every painful step was just one step closer to her.

Should we say something?

I swear to God, I saw wolves out here once.

Nah, Carfora definitely saw him.

He definitely did not see me.

- Hey, Coach - Hi

Sorry to bother you, but...

what do you want me to do about Hickey

he's been out there running laps for a...

two and a half hours now

Oh yeah, that idiot

Go tell him he's back on the team

A'right

Good wordiage on that kid.

Hey, you're back on the team

I did it for you Alex

I did it for you

and I'm not coming to get you

I hear there's wolves out there

I was back on the team

Sure, I was having hard time feeling my legs

but all I cared about was seeing Alex up in the stands

OK, what do we got?

Grandma Hageman

Mrs. Neville

The LaVorhees'

That weird guy with the remote control car that's always here

What's that guy's deal anyway?

OK

Alex wasn't here, yet

but you know, maybe she's running a little late

because she painted my number on her face, yeah that's it

- she'd want it to be perfect - Hickey!

Yeah?

What generally happens in football after you score a touchdown?

We kick an extra point

Oh, oh, you mean like right now

Nevermind

We go for two

Maybe I just didn't see her

there's a lot going on

or maybe she was making a really cute sign to hold up

I really elaborate sign, yeah

like a collage

a collage that...

dammit, Alex

What's up with you man? We're only down one

Alex said she was going to show up, and she ditched me

So what?

Does that mean you get to ditch us?

Again

I just.. I really like this girl

I knew this was gunna happen

What a waste of time

Waste of time?

you call yourself a loser so what does that make me?

what are you talking about?

you are actually got to play

Varsity!

I didn't. Tommy didn't.

None of us did, do you see us whining about it?

You don't understand

you wouldn't be saying all this stuff... if you had had a shot... and you blew it

No!

I'd be happy I had a shot

and then I'd still come back here wanting to win and not limp around like a bitch

I'm limping around like a bitch, 'cause I ran 20 miles for Alex!

That's funny.

We all thought you were running for us

One minute left boys, we might actually win this thing

Here we go, Friars, come on! Never surrender!

Alright, field goal unit, let's go!

Crivey Four-Toes, where are ya?

And why the hell do we call him that?

He only has four toes on his right foot, Coach

but we shortened it to C4

You know, 'cause his kicks are explosive

explosive C4 like the...

I know... Crivey, where are you?

You ready?

Hey coach!

I got this

seriously

you sure about that?

Never surrender

okay, go, go

hey, guy

It wasn't until that moment that I realized

that these guys

these little shits and meatheads

the ones I'd spent the whole season looking down on

they were my friends

they were my brothers

and I'd let them down

I had to make this kick

Run!!!

There are 2 types of people in this world

those who laugh at the end of sports movies because they think they're cheesy

and those who cry

because they understand.

And on that day

with those guys

I finally understood

I love you guys

Take that, "Hoosiers".