Original subtitles

When you're a little kid

your relationship with your dad is easy.

Say "Dad's awesome"

- He's your hero

My dad I used to do everything together

He'd let me stay up late and listen to Blackhawks' games on the radio.

And anytime Denis Savard scored we celebrate

like we won the Stanley Cup.

Sometimes he'd even bring me to the rink on Sundays to watch him play.

Get extra cheese.

He was cooler than Wayne Gretzky or Michael Jordan any day.

My dad taught me everything I needed to know.

But something strange happens when you get older.

By the time high school rolls around you start to think you know everything.

And you start to think your dad doesn't know squat.

And that does not sit well with either party.

When I was a freshman it seemed like everything my dad did annoyed me.

Somehow my hero had turned into a cranky old man overnight.

A guy who did a lot of this...

and this...

and this...

in the span of just a few years

we went from talking about everything

to barely talking at all.

- You got practice today? - Uh, huh

- You do your homework? - Uh, huh

Got your tie?

Yes Dad, I got my tie!

Jesus!

You forgot your tie.

I got it!

- I got it

was something I said a lot when I was a freshman.

I got it!

I got my learner's permit! I can drive now!

- In my mind the learner's permit was the answer to all my problems.

It was one step closer to freedom.

One step closer to the open road.

One step closer to never hearing this again...

or this...

Come on, dad!

I'm giving Mike 10 bucks

he's gonna take me driving.

No, he's not.

Why not?

First of all because Mike's not qualified to teach you how to do anything

and secondly because there's a million other things to get done around here.

Regulators!

Dad said I can't go.

Mount up!

Before you can learn to drive a car you need to learn how to take care of it.

I want you to clean the windows on the Explorer

then I want you to clean the inside of mom's car

then I want you to mow the lawn.

What does mowing the lawn have to do with the car?

It just needs to be done.

Then why don't you do it?

why don't I do it?

- Sadly, it wasn't until years later

that I learned not to ask my father

why he couldn't do something.

I had a feeling this was going to lead one of his famous

Steve Hickey dad quotes

All I do, is jump through hoops for you kids!

- There it is, the jump through hoops line

the man was perpetually jumping through hoops for us.

leaping through them, en masse.

I did not redo this entire house...

- Woah, there was another one... the old, 'I didn't redo the house' line

all I needed was one more for the...

Jiminy Cricket!

- Jiminy Cricket! - the trifecta! Oh, he's heating up, folks.

Steve Hickey is pushing cliche greatness

Are you listening to me?

- Nope, not even a little bit.

- I said are you listening to me? - Yeah

I HATE DAD VOL 1

Maybe this is like The Karate Kid

and he's teaching you how to do sweet karate moves.

Shut up, Gracie

Hey, Hawks preseason game is on. Wanna take a break and listen?

No!

- Listen to the Hawks

How could someone actually enjoy listening to hockey on the radio?

I couldn't think of a more boring way to spend a Saturday.

Well, besides mowing the lawn.

I'd show him, though.

Sports fans, Pete Hickey's about to go for the all-time

land speed mowing record.

This middle child would not be denied his God-given

driving privileges.

Stubborn kid

Just like someone else I know

- Time to beat is Mike Hickey's 29 minute mark.

He's got it in his sights...

He did it!

He did it!

Yeah!

Finished!

- Ladies and gentlemen, it was driving time!

Brendan Fraser sunglasses...

Check

Discman that will probably skip too much, check.

Generic Mountain Dew, check.

Ice-cold driver, checkity, check, check...

What are you doing? We're taking my car to Jules'

Oh my God, you're gonna suck so bad.

Shut up!

- And I did suck so bad

I sucked so, seriously bad.

Don't worry honey, we won't tell your dad.

And then he swerved so bad, he ran into the curb

and one of Jablecki kids threw his shake at the car.

What... Jablecki always throws shakes at cars.

The kid's not ready yet, Dad

he's not a serious driver.

Look, they were yelling at me the whole time, how on Earth was I supposed to concentrate?

We were telling him to stop playing with his Discman.

You really need the electronic skip protection, bro.

Well like the saying goes, Pete,

Success is no more permanent than failure is fatal.

I don't know dad,

He almost hit a troop of Girl Scouts

that would have been pretty fatal.

Hey, those Girl Scouts were runing all over the White Hen parking lot

that wasn't my fault.

The White Hen, huh?

- Oh no, here it comes.

You know what happened to your dad outside that White Hen?

I ever tell you my Mike Ditka story, Gracie?

- My dad had told us his Mike Ditka story

at least once a week, every week for the past 11 years

I don't know Dad, what is it?

January 29th 1983

Light dusting of snow on the ground

I'm in the White Hen to get some... what was it, honey?

- Tinactin - Bug spray, right.

I pull up, get out of the car

and out of the corner of my eye I see this... this

mustache.

There was a sliver of light coming out of Dimples Donuts.

It was like a beacon,

calling the 'stache into port.

It was the most beautiful,

majestic, magnetic thing I've ever seen in my life.

Guy must have been using some kind of fancy product -

- What'd I say it was, Clare? - Pomade

Vaseline, right.

Like the 'Dew of Life' glistening off that thing.

and do you know who this Picasso of Lapeer belonged to?

- Uncle Dave - Michael Keller Ditka

In the flesh, walking right towards me.

Our eyes locked like a... like a couple a...

- Grown men staring at each other

like a couple of brothers.

Brothers in battle.

I walk right up to him and I says, I says

You're Mike Ditka.

He looks me square in the eye and you know what he says?

That's right, he says

That's right

What are you doing in White Hens, I asked

Buying stuff he says

Buying stuff

I'll never forget it

Oh my God

that is...

the stupidest story

I've ever heard in my entire life.

- Hey, you Mike Ditka - Yeah

- Yeah, I am - What you are doing over here?

Buying stuff

That's it!?!

That's the whole story?!?

Mike Ditka meets millions of people everyday!

- He remembers. - I highly doubt that.

I know what I know.

You don't know anything.

- Oh boy, now I'd done it

I don't know anything?

Well, let me tell you what I do know.

I know that the backyard looks like a pair of monkeys mowed it.

I know that I bust my ass 50 hours a week

to pay for cars you obviously have no respect for

and I know for damn sure you're not going to drive either

- of them again anytime soon. - You know what...

I'm sick of this.

- One game on varsity, he acts like he owns the place. - That's enough!

- In the movies this is the part where there'd be a knock on the door

and the dad would come in

and the son would say "I'm sorry."

and the dad would say, "I love you."

and they'd talk about their feelings.

Yeah, right.

Instead,

my dad and I spent the next few days

avoiding each other like the plague.

I waited around all week until Sunday night.

That's when I knew he'd be out playing hockey and I could finally relax

and maybe you few of his precious Cheez-Its.

Yep

At least I still had Sunday nights to do what I wanted.

Get up

You're driving me to hockey.

- No thanks - Not a choice

and bring my Cheez-Its.

- Not only did I have to drive my dad to hockey

but since I couldn't drive without an adult

that meant I had to stay at the rink

for the whole game

plus the whole time he drank beers afterwards.

I was basically the guys designated driver.

- Can I at least turn some music on? - No

It's a distraction, you're not ready yet.

- And let me just give you a basic driving tip... - You know Dad, I got it, okay

10 and 2

check my mirrors

- signals, yeah, I got it - No

Go faster

You're doing 17 in a 45. It's not safe and you're cutting into drinking time.

Here

They still have cheese fries at the snack bar.

I'm good.

Good for what?

I'll see you when you get out

You're just going to stay in the car, the whole night?

Yep

Super...

Super-duper

- Yeah, I'm not going to give you the satisfaction old man.

I'm going to sit here all night, I don't care about you.

I'm a driver now, I'm an adult.

Now it might seem odd, but back

then we didn't have phones

or social media to entertain us

when we got bored. All we had were our wits

and our imagination.

So I got to say my generation got pretty good

at wasting time.

It went on like that for 3 weeks

Every Sunday night, I'd drive him to hockey

He'd offer me money...

Just take $5 and get yourself some cheese fries.

- No, I'm good - Just take it

- No. - I'd refuse

and then sit in the car for 3 hours.

Dr. Leo Marvin!

Candyman...

Candyman.

Dr. Leo Marvin!

- For the kids out there, that's from the movie

What About Bob

It's awesome.

Try to keep up with the '90s references, will ya?

Candy...

...man-

-itoba.

You saw that wrister I put past you

- A good game - Yeah, good game.

After 3 weeks to this my driving hadn't gotten any better

and my relationship with my dad had only gotten worse.

Should be a good game.

Balfour's looking sharp.

How much longer do I have to do this?

It's a distraction, remember?

How much longer?

Until you learn how to drive.

I'm trying to help you.

You're not trying to help me

you're just making me be your chauffeur

Pete...

No, you don't think I know anything, but I do.

You don't know anything about me anymore

You don't care about me

You only care about telling me what to do.

- And... that's a stop sign.

- And that's a cop...

God dammit, Pete!

- And that's the end for old Pete Hickey

You wanna tell me why you just ran that stop sign?

I'm sorry, it was just an accident.

License and registration.

Learner's permit

OK

I'm going to need to see your license too, sir.

sure thing, officer.

Sorry about that, my son thinks he's Mario Andretti sometimes.

Yeah, you know sorry about that,

I don't know if you knew this but my dad's actually in the NHL.

You know, he's gotta get to the rink so he can drink like 10 beers.

Woohee, the lip on this kid.

That was directed at me

not you, officer.

Again, apologies.

In fact I think you should give him a ticket

- Write him up - Yeah, maybe

But wait a second,

Steve Hickey

I know you

you're the guy that met Ditka.

That's right!

Oh man, it is an honor to meet you

I can't believe I'm like... one guy away from Ditka right now.

One handshake away, my friend

Wow

I gotta ask

What was he like?

Are you familiar with the term statuesque?

Great conversationalist, exquisite mustache

A gentleman.

I knew it. I knew it

Hey you know what?

You guys have a safe night

- Well thank you very much, officer - It's Flory, don't mention it

And let me tell you something kid -

if your dad wasn't so cool

you'd have a ticket, right now

Capisce?

Yes, Sir

There's a lot you can learn from this man

- Go Bears. - Go Bears!

Out

- Dad... - Out!

AAARRRRRRGHGGHH!!!

OH MY GOD!!!

- Every teenager has their breaking point

that one moment where puberty

and curiosity make you do something truly insane.

This was my moment.

And it felt great.

I didn't know where I was going

but it didn't matter.

head down one road then another

then another

just drive

this was it

this was what I was missing

I was in control

I was free

I was...

I was totally lost

nothing looked familiar

nothing looked safe, where was I?

I could be in Cicero or Chicago or Mexico, for all I knew.

How long had I been driving? I had no idea.

There's no GPS in 1994.

No Google Maps

No Siri

When you were lost, man

you were lost

I'm telling you man, she totally wanted it

Hold on one sec

Huxtables

Mike, Mike it's me

Listen, I...

don't tell Mom I'm on the car phone but I need you to get a map

There should be one in the junk drawer in the kitchen

Who is this?

It's Pete, dumb-ass

I'm on the other line spaz

Anyway dude, what was I saying?

oh yeah, no, this chick totally wants it

Mike... Mike... God dammit

Yo, you got a problem?

I said, do you got a problem?

- There's only one person who could get me out of this

and he was the last person I wanted to call

Thank you

Pete

Dad, Dad, it's me. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I...

Where are you?

I don't know, I'm lost I think, but there's these dudes

and they're kind of messing with me and I don't know where to go or what to do.

Listen to me, find a corner

Can you see a street sign?

Yeah... I'm on Kaminski and 64th

You're on the west side of Chicago, you're by Midway.

Drive

You're going to turn on 64th, does it matter which direction

okay

I turned right

look for Polaski, you want to make a left

It's going to be okay

okay

okay

I couldn't bring myself to look at him out there on the ice

I was too embarrassed

I was sure he'd told the whole team by now

His idiot son, screwing up again

Hey, hey, if it isn't little Peter Pumpkin Eater

It's Crabs

Oh, oh, yeah

- Hi - Ah yes, a grown man named Crabs

You had to love hockey players

Been awhile, huh

So what gives, somebody steal your starter jacket or something?

No, I just...

kind of in a lot of trouble with my dad right now

He probably told you, you know about the drive-in

Yeah, he says you're driving real good

No I'm talking about what happened...

- Wait, what? - Yeah

Your dad won't shut up about you in the locker room

Heard you made varsity football at Roman's.

- Yeah, I mean, for like one game - And you write for the paper

Okay, how do you know that?

Are you kidding me?

Your dad brings in the articles, that one on girls' swimming was real good

- Crabs - In a minute Jakubowski, you fat Pollock!

Buck up kid

You're at Sunday Night Hockey, now

No frowning allowed.

Cheese fries, please.

Maybe it was because he'd saved my ass

or maybe it was because I hadn't seen him play in years.

But watching him out there on the ice

suddenly my dad didn't seem so old anymore.

Or gruff

or annoying.

He seemed...

happy

Hockey was his outlet.

For years it was our favorite thing to talk about.

Looking back, maybe that's all he was trying to do with those

car rides and Blackhawks games.

He just trying to talk.

we never said anything about the joyride that night

or any other night for that matter.

He knew I was embarrassed I knew he was mad

we didn't need to say anything

Because for the first time in a really long time

we understood each other

- Man, Roenick is doing great this year - Yeah, he is

Kind of reminds me of Savard, when I was little.

I used to love him, remember?

I do.