Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:04,196 --> 00:00:08,432
ها بابي، bitche ...
2
00:00:08,567 --> 00:00:10,432
سابقا على "أنت عني لها" ...
3
00:00:10,437 --> 00:00:13,705
اشتروا لكم الباب. كيف، اه، رومانسية.
4
00:00:13,740 --> 00:00:17,041
انها جميلة ومشرقة البرتقالي رمزا لحبنا،
5
00:00:17,077 --> 00:00:18,810
وبوضوح، وكنت لا تحصل عليه، لذلك يصمت.
6
00:00:18,845 --> 00:00:20,444
هل لديك أي أفكار تتمة بالنسبة لي؟
7
00:00:20,479 --> 00:00:21,791
أعني، أنت الكاتب في الأسرة.
8
00:00:21,815 --> 00:00:23,748
وأنا أقول، لهذا ...
9
00:00:23,783 --> 00:00:28,086
كلمة حول الحرم الجامعي هو أنك جدا pansexual فجأة.
10
00:00:28,121 --> 00:00:30,321
أتحداك أن تسأل من الإنسان القادم من هو في لك.
11
00:00:30,356 --> 00:00:32,890
- مهلا. - آه، هل تريد أن شنق؟
12
00:00:34,828 --> 00:00:36,460
اللعنة، أنا آسف لذلك.
13
00:00:36,495 --> 00:00:37,907
انا مستقيم. مثل، مباشرة بغرابة.
14
00:00:37,931 --> 00:00:39,130
نستطيع ان نبقى اصدقاء.
15
00:00:39,165 --> 00:00:40,464
أنا مارس الجنس سيئة للغاية.
16
00:00:40,499 --> 00:00:42,066
أتمنى أن تذهب لتوه في الوقت المناسب
17
00:00:42,102 --> 00:00:44,901
وتفعل ما أردت القيام به في المقام الأول.
18
00:00:44,937 --> 00:00:47,137
- انتهاك القرن الإفريقي؟ - انتهاك القرن الإفريقي؟
19
00:00:47,172 --> 00:00:50,473
اللعنة الا! اللعنة هوثورن مرتفعات!
20
00:00:50,508 --> 00:00:51,908
أي الرصين أفكار ثانية؟
21
00:00:51,944 --> 00:00:54,077
هل ترى أي شخص الرصين هنا؟
22
00:00:54,113 --> 00:00:57,280
... 3!
23
00:00:57,315 --> 00:00:59,482
Holy shit.
24
00:01:08,360 --> 00:01:13,997
Holy shit, we just egged the
holy fuck out of Lala's door.
25
00:01:18,502 --> 00:01:19,969
Fuck!
26
00:01:20,084 --> 00:01:21,550
We should run, right?
27
00:01:21,585 --> 00:01:23,285
- Move your ass!
- Ooh!
28
00:01:25,422 --> 00:01:26,922
Oh, my God!
29
00:01:30,627 --> 00:01:33,896
- Shh!
- Who's there?
30
00:01:37,235 --> 00:01:38,633
I can hear you!
31
00:01:38,669 --> 00:01:42,071
I'm not afraid to use this paddle!
32
00:01:42,106 --> 00:01:43,638
Wow, that was close.
33
00:01:43,674 --> 00:01:44,907
Did she see you?
34
00:01:44,942 --> 00:01:46,842
No, no, I don't think so.
35
00:01:50,848 --> 00:01:52,280
Oh!
36
00:01:52,315 --> 00:01:55,751
These were good eggs thrown by bad eggs!
37
00:01:55,786 --> 00:01:58,987
A lot of people will go
hungry tomorrow for breakfast!
38
00:02:08,832 --> 00:02:12,401
So, how'd I do?
39
00:02:12,436 --> 00:02:15,169
Did I pass?
40
00:02:15,205 --> 00:02:16,605
Did you pass what?
41
00:02:16,640 --> 00:02:18,640
Well, did I prove that I could...
42
00:02:18,675 --> 00:02:20,776
I could do the wrong
thing when it's called for?
43
00:02:20,811 --> 00:02:23,011
Uh, the only thing that you proved
44
00:02:23,046 --> 00:02:24,812
is that you throw like a frail child...
45
00:02:24,847 --> 00:02:26,580
that has to throw with his left hand
46
00:02:26,616 --> 00:02:28,816
because his right one is in a cast.
47
00:02:28,851 --> 00:02:31,251
And the child is blind.
48
00:02:31,287 --> 00:02:32,953
Wow, that's it. Thank you.
49
00:02:32,988 --> 00:02:34,655
- You're welcome.
- Anything else?
50
00:02:34,690 --> 00:02:37,591
Hmm... nope. Okay.
51
00:02:37,627 --> 00:02:38,959
Interesting.
52
00:02:38,994 --> 00:02:40,461
Well, then.
53
00:02:40,496 --> 00:02:42,930
Yep.
54
00:02:47,537 --> 00:02:50,805
Oh!
55
00:02:53,709 --> 00:02:55,275
You... dick.
56
00:02:55,311 --> 00:02:57,877
Just gonna comb your hair for you.
57
00:03:00,649 --> 00:03:03,483
Okay.
58
00:03:03,518 --> 00:03:05,285
Hey.
59
00:03:05,321 --> 00:03:07,354
You know, even, uh...
60
00:03:07,389 --> 00:03:10,690
even with the whole test-drive thing...
61
00:03:10,725 --> 00:03:12,292
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
62
00:03:12,328 --> 00:03:14,962
And, uh, the just-friends handshake...
63
00:03:14,997 --> 00:03:18,298
uh, I had fun.
64
00:03:18,334 --> 00:03:19,866
Me, too.
65
00:03:19,901 --> 00:03:22,802
I haven't said those three
words much over the past year.
66
00:03:22,838 --> 00:03:25,705
And, uh... in that exact order...
67
00:03:25,740 --> 00:03:28,408
um... never?
68
00:03:28,444 --> 00:03:29,676
Sad.
69
00:03:29,711 --> 00:03:31,478
Yeah.
70
00:03:31,513 --> 00:03:33,346
Um, maybe we both needed it.
71
00:03:34,949 --> 00:03:36,648
I will... I, uh...
72
00:03:36,684 --> 00:03:39,585
So, see you on the playground.
73
00:03:39,620 --> 00:03:41,653
Not if I see you first, nerd.
74
00:03:41,689 --> 00:03:44,756
- Ooh. Okay.
- Yeah, 'cause...
75
00:03:55,736 --> 00:03:57,336
Oh! Ow!
76
00:03:57,372 --> 00:03:59,005
That was my toe!
77
00:03:59,040 --> 00:04:00,406
- Shh! Shh!
- What are you doing?
78
00:04:00,441 --> 00:04:03,509
Hey. Shh!
79
00:04:03,544 --> 00:04:06,545
Why is your hair sticky?
80
00:04:06,580 --> 00:04:08,614
Is that egg?
81
00:04:08,649 --> 00:04:11,884
What, did you and
Nina have an egg fight?
82
00:04:11,919 --> 00:04:13,752
Oh, God, I smell egg hair.
83
00:04:13,787 --> 00:04:15,554
Oh, my God, now I said "egg hair,"
84
00:04:15,589 --> 00:04:17,789
and that sounds even
grosser than it smells.
85
00:04:24,097 --> 00:04:25,998
What's that smell?
86
00:04:30,504 --> 00:04:31,970
Ow.
87
00:04:44,617 --> 00:04:46,316
Good morning.
88
00:04:46,352 --> 00:04:47,585
Hey!
89
00:04:47,620 --> 00:04:49,486
Coffee me, please.
90
00:04:49,522 --> 00:04:51,789
Look... Egg Head's awake.
91
00:04:51,824 --> 00:04:55,426
Ooh, you look tired, dearest.
92
00:04:55,461 --> 00:04:56,994
Nathan and I worked late.
93
00:04:57,030 --> 00:04:59,163
We encountered a box full of shit...
94
00:04:59,198 --> 00:05:01,666
Eggs?
95
00:05:01,701 --> 00:05:03,434
Very funny.
96
00:05:03,549 --> 00:05:06,250
Of shitty confiscated booze, okay?
97
00:05:06,285 --> 00:05:09,353
And then I woke up between you two.
98
00:05:09,388 --> 00:05:11,155
What kept you out so late?
99
00:05:11,190 --> 00:05:13,323
- What?
- You and Nathan.
100
00:05:13,359 --> 00:05:16,526
Oh, just, you know, guiding kids...
101
00:05:16,561 --> 00:05:18,427
- counseling them, if you will.
- Mm.
102
00:05:18,463 --> 00:05:20,897
As a guidance counselor,
you both guide and counsel.
103
00:05:20,932 --> 00:05:22,532
It's impressive.
104
00:05:22,567 --> 00:05:25,101
Um, can I have the creamer,
105
00:05:25,137 --> 00:05:27,704
- or will there be more waterboarding?
- Mm.
106
00:05:27,739 --> 00:05:29,338
And more dental with "Marathon Man."
107
00:05:29,374 --> 00:05:30,685
You know what I could go
for is, like, an omelet
108
00:05:31,109 --> 00:05:32,208
- if we had like seven or eight eggs.
- Mm, yeah, I love eggs...
109
00:05:32,243 --> 00:05:35,111
fried eggs, scrambled eggs.
110
00:05:35,147 --> 00:05:37,547
Yeah. Do you have any more
on your head, by any chance?
111
00:05:37,582 --> 00:05:39,060
Speaking of anything other than eggs,
112
00:05:39,084 --> 00:05:40,283
if you guys are done...
113
00:05:40,318 --> 00:05:41,551
No more yolks.
114
00:05:41,586 --> 00:05:43,186
... I was going over the, um...
115
00:05:43,221 --> 00:05:44,799
the guest list for
the anniversary party,
116
00:05:44,823 --> 00:05:47,390
and I thought... I
thought since your mom
117
00:05:47,425 --> 00:05:49,725
is already in town,
why don't we invite her?
118
00:05:49,760 --> 00:05:51,460
No. Uh, first of all, there's no way
119
00:05:51,496 --> 00:05:53,362
that Jo just happens to be here, okay?
120
00:05:53,398 --> 00:05:57,233
Gabe lured her here for the sole
purpose of ruining my life, so no.
121
00:05:57,268 --> 00:05:58,734
Plot foiled this time, okay?
122
00:05:58,769 --> 00:06:00,760
- This guy is not falling for that shit again.
- Are you fucking kidding me?
123
00:06:00,761 --> 00:06:02,205
What's that?
124
00:06:02,240 --> 00:06:04,540
Sheriff Lala is fining
us for Izzy's door.
125
00:06:04,576 --> 00:06:07,810
Apparently, Marigold 142
isn't an HOA-approved color.
126
00:06:07,845 --> 00:06:09,144
What?
127
00:06:09,180 --> 00:06:11,447
Where does she get the balls?!
128
00:06:11,482 --> 00:06:13,349
Give me that.
129
00:06:16,020 --> 00:06:18,053
- Fuck this!
- Yeah, fuck that.
130
00:06:18,089 --> 00:06:19,655
Fuck it!
131
00:06:19,691 --> 00:06:23,325
We're not just gonna bend
over and take it from this...
132
00:06:23,360 --> 00:06:25,894
Draconian She-Devil!
133
00:06:25,930 --> 00:06:28,130
This is America, God damn it,
134
00:06:28,165 --> 00:06:31,666
and that door represents our lives,
135
00:06:31,702 --> 00:06:34,669
our family, and our freedom!
136
00:06:34,705 --> 00:06:37,272
And scene. A-plus on the outrage.
137
00:06:37,307 --> 00:06:39,608
I demand to be a part
of whatever revenge
138
00:06:39,643 --> 00:06:41,009
you two are plotting,
139
00:06:41,045 --> 00:06:43,145
but right now, in this moment, I d...
140
00:06:43,180 --> 00:06:46,982
I... I do... I... I... I
have to go to work, so...
141
00:06:47,017 --> 00:06:48,250
I love you. Goodbye.
142
00:06:48,285 --> 00:06:50,219
I love you, too.
143
00:06:52,623 --> 00:06:55,257
First, they come for my Binge Club.
144
00:06:55,292 --> 00:06:57,358
- Then they come for my...
- Oh, honey, I don't think
145
00:06:57,393 --> 00:06:59,794
you should reference a
poem about the Holocaust
146
00:06:59,829 --> 00:07:01,863
when you're talking
about an HOA kerfuffle.
147
00:07:01,898 --> 00:07:03,430
Point taken.
148
00:07:03,466 --> 00:07:05,010
No, but someone's got to
stop Lala's reign of terror,
149
00:07:05,034 --> 00:07:07,168
and that somebody is us. I'm serious.
150
00:07:07,203 --> 00:07:09,203
Yeah, well, I didn't think
we would outsource it.
151
00:07:09,239 --> 00:07:11,172
So, what's the plan?
152
00:07:11,207 --> 00:07:13,307
Good, old-fashioned shoe leather.
153
00:07:13,342 --> 00:07:15,287
We're gonna start a petition
for a special election.
154
00:07:15,311 --> 00:07:16,622
Then we're gonna split up and canvass.
155
00:07:16,646 --> 00:07:18,379
I mean, this is about
more than just a door.
156
00:07:18,414 --> 00:07:20,547
This is about our right to be edgy.
157
00:07:20,583 --> 00:07:22,383
"Marigold... we won't fold."
158
00:07:22,418 --> 00:07:24,551
What do you think of that?
159
00:07:24,587 --> 00:07:27,889
- It's not bad.
- "Marigold... we won't fold."
160
00:07:27,924 --> 00:07:29,723
I've heard worse.
161
00:07:40,369 --> 00:07:43,837
Note to self... drinking
confiscated booze
162
00:07:43,872 --> 00:07:46,039
never, ever, ever
leads to anything good.
163
00:07:46,074 --> 00:07:48,409
Unh-unh. No.
164
00:07:48,444 --> 00:07:51,645
I feel like that truth
should have been self-evident,
165
00:07:51,681 --> 00:07:54,682
but clearly, it was not.
166
00:07:54,717 --> 00:07:57,050
Not at all.
167
00:07:57,085 --> 00:07:58,385
Um...
168
00:07:58,421 --> 00:08:01,689
So, about last night, as they say...
169
00:08:01,724 --> 00:08:03,357
Mm-hmm.
170
00:08:03,392 --> 00:08:04,758
We didn't kiss, did we?
171
00:08:04,794 --> 00:08:06,159
- What?
- What?
172
00:08:06,195 --> 00:08:08,361
No, ew!
173
00:08:08,396 --> 00:08:09,896
No, sorry! Not "ew."
174
00:08:09,932 --> 00:08:14,234
Just... just, uh... just
one... just a regular no.
175
00:08:14,269 --> 00:08:17,537
So, then, we didn't
really egg a house, right?
176
00:08:17,572 --> 00:08:20,073
Oh, no, we... we definitely did that.
177
00:08:20,108 --> 00:08:22,775
Yeah, no, we did the fuck out of that.
178
00:08:22,811 --> 00:08:25,077
- Shit.
- What?
179
00:08:25,813 --> 00:08:29,115
I don't know yet, but
there will be shit.
180
00:08:46,401 --> 00:08:48,901
For the record, I hate humming.
181
00:08:48,956 --> 00:08:51,190
Oh, come on, nobody hates humming.
182
00:08:51,225 --> 00:08:53,425
Well, maybe something
bad happened to me,
183
00:08:53,461 --> 00:08:55,572
and, I don't know, somebody
was humming while it happened.
184
00:08:55,596 --> 00:08:57,429
Aw, that's sad.
185
00:08:57,465 --> 00:08:59,331
I hum when I'm really happy,
186
00:08:59,367 --> 00:09:01,433
and you make me hum.
187
00:09:01,469 --> 00:09:03,735
Oh, right, you didn't brush
your teeth this morning?
188
00:09:03,770 --> 00:09:07,206
Not the point I was making, but...
189
00:09:07,241 --> 00:09:09,274
Hey, do you want a ride to work?
190
00:09:09,310 --> 00:09:10,575
I got a crazy busy day ahead,
191
00:09:10,611 --> 00:09:13,411
- but I could easily just swing by...
- No, I'm not getting out of bed.
192
00:09:13,446 --> 00:09:16,381
Nice! Oh, stayed in bed 'cause you can.
193
00:09:16,416 --> 00:09:20,284
I can dig that. Oh... hey. Right.
194
00:09:20,320 --> 00:09:22,620
I'm gonna need a rain
check on noodle night.
195
00:09:22,655 --> 00:09:24,755
Yeah, totes sad, but I
start interviews tomorrow,
196
00:09:24,790 --> 00:09:27,291
and I got a whole stack of
r駸um駸 to get through, so...
197
00:09:27,327 --> 00:09:28,971
Well, it doesn't matter
'cause the only way
198
00:09:28,995 --> 00:09:30,873
I'd be eating noodles is if
you brought them right here.
199
00:09:30,897 --> 00:09:32,397
Cool, cool, cool.
200
00:09:32,432 --> 00:09:33,564
Going after the big white whale,
201
00:09:33,600 --> 00:09:35,878
the stuff of myth and lore...
never-get-out-of-bed day.
202
00:09:37,404 --> 00:09:39,037
Well, you know where to find me...
203
00:09:39,072 --> 00:09:41,272
just waiting for someone
to realize how empty
204
00:09:41,307 --> 00:09:43,607
and pointless life is without me.
205
00:09:43,643 --> 00:09:45,376
Yeah, you betcha.
206
00:09:45,412 --> 00:09:47,110
Okay, I'll check in with you later.
207
00:09:49,781 --> 00:09:52,382
Well, enjoy walking upright, barkeep,
208
00:09:52,418 --> 00:09:55,252
'cause you're gonna be
crawling back soon enough.
209
00:09:55,287 --> 00:09:57,754
Mwa, ha, ha, ha, ha! Mm.
210
00:09:57,789 --> 00:10:01,058
Were you just talking to somebody?
211
00:10:01,093 --> 00:10:02,392
What? No.
212
00:10:02,428 --> 00:10:04,894
You didn't just do
an evil-villain laugh?
213
00:10:04,930 --> 00:10:06,463
No.
214
00:10:06,498 --> 00:10:08,798
Just... just go.
215
00:10:08,833 --> 00:10:10,833
Go.
216
00:10:16,141 --> 00:10:18,508
Okay, this might take a while.
217
00:10:18,544 --> 00:10:21,311
Fuck.
218
00:10:29,320 --> 00:10:30,853
Hey, Layne.
219
00:10:30,889 --> 00:10:33,289
Hi, dick.
220
00:10:33,324 --> 00:10:36,325
Suck my balls, Trakarsky!
221
00:10:36,360 --> 00:10:38,527
Fuck you!
222
00:10:46,004 --> 00:10:48,237
Hey.
223
00:10:48,272 --> 00:10:53,576
Did the, uh, class president
just tell you to suck her balls?
224
00:10:53,612 --> 00:10:55,044
It's all good.
225
00:10:55,080 --> 00:10:58,814
Just everyone hates the homophobic
asshole who fucked over Alex,
226
00:10:58,849 --> 00:11:00,427
and death could come
swiftly from any direction.
227
00:11:00,451 --> 00:11:01,817
Okay.
228
00:11:01,852 --> 00:11:04,220
I feel like that's a
little bit of an exagg...
229
00:11:07,024 --> 00:11:08,924
Whoa.
230
00:11:08,959 --> 00:11:10,792
Yeah.
231
00:11:13,464 --> 00:11:16,698
Oh, so, this is the
petition nobody's signing.
232
00:11:16,734 --> 00:11:19,935
Uh, no, we have gotten off
to a bit of a slow start,
233
00:11:19,970 --> 00:11:21,437
but, um, the tide is turning.
234
00:11:21,472 --> 00:11:23,606
You know, once you...
with your signature,
235
00:11:23,641 --> 00:11:27,009
that pen's gonna turn into a
sword of tolerance and freedom.
236
00:11:27,044 --> 00:11:28,744
Oh, I thought it was about your door.
237
00:11:28,779 --> 00:11:30,245
It is about my door.
238
00:11:30,280 --> 00:11:31,879
But it's a slippery slope, right?
239
00:11:31,914 --> 00:11:33,448
- Mm.
- Yeah.
240
00:11:33,483 --> 00:11:35,416
You have to decide for
yourself whether you want
241
00:11:35,452 --> 00:11:38,953
this power-hungry authoritarian
to start dictating our lives.
242
00:11:38,988 --> 00:11:40,622
Yeah, see, I'm not really like that...
243
00:11:40,657 --> 00:11:42,290
all political and speechy.
244
00:11:42,325 --> 00:11:43,591
I didn't even vote last time.
245
00:11:43,627 --> 00:11:45,126
Ooh, okay.
246
00:11:45,162 --> 00:11:46,961
Yeah, normally, I would be very upset
247
00:11:46,996 --> 00:11:49,275
by your apathy, but right now,
I just need you to sign that.
248
00:11:49,299 --> 00:11:50,643
Can you just put, like, an initials...
249
00:11:50,667 --> 00:11:52,967
or, like, even a smiley
face is sufficient.
250
00:11:53,002 --> 00:11:55,236
I really don't want to
get sideways with Lala,
251
00:11:55,272 --> 00:11:57,238
and what with Marigold 142
252
00:11:57,274 --> 00:11:59,240
being the official color of swingers...
253
00:11:59,276 --> 00:12:00,642
No. What? No, it's not.
254
00:12:00,677 --> 00:12:02,210
Well, I mean, who's to say?
255
00:12:02,245 --> 00:12:03,778
Me. I'm to say.
256
00:12:03,813 --> 00:12:05,390
That's not... there's no
official color of swingers.
257
00:12:05,414 --> 00:12:06,891
They did say that you were
gonna get loud and aggressive.
258
00:12:06,915 --> 00:12:08,315
Who's "they"?
259
00:12:08,350 --> 00:12:09,727
What do you mean by
"loud and aggressive"?
260
00:12:09,751 --> 00:12:11,218
I'm gonna go now. Okay. Bye.
261
00:12:11,253 --> 00:12:12,653
- "Loud and aggressive"?!
- Bye.
262
00:12:12,688 --> 00:12:16,256
I haven't even... "Loud and aggressive"?
263
00:12:16,292 --> 00:12:19,459
Fuck you! I am loud and aggressive.
264
00:12:19,495 --> 00:12:21,928
You know what? I'm sorry.
265
00:12:22,263 --> 00:12:23,330
Sorry I'm late.
266
00:12:23,365 --> 00:12:24,842
Yeah, well, thank
God. I was going crazy.
267
00:12:24,866 --> 00:12:26,833
Walk with me.
268
00:12:26,868 --> 00:12:28,402
Wow!
269
00:12:28,437 --> 00:12:30,937
- Oh, that's Dave.
- Aww!
270
00:12:30,972 --> 00:12:32,739
He has a gift for flashy apologies,
271
00:12:32,774 --> 00:12:36,443
but there are many, many miles
between that man and "aww."
272
00:12:36,478 --> 00:12:38,612
That is so... so...
273
00:12:38,647 --> 00:12:40,079
You know what?
274
00:12:40,114 --> 00:12:41,447
I don't even know, but whatever
275
00:12:41,482 --> 00:12:42,959
'cause what I really
need is a signature.
276
00:12:42,983 --> 00:12:44,450
Oh, and we're back to you.
277
00:12:44,485 --> 00:12:46,185
- Okay.
- Oh, no, just... just sign it.
278
00:12:46,221 --> 00:12:48,120
- May I read it first?
- Why?
279
00:12:48,155 --> 00:12:49,633
Because I want to know what I'm signing!
280
00:12:49,657 --> 00:12:51,357
- But it's me.
- Oh, yeah, no.
281
00:12:51,392 --> 00:12:53,270
What do you mean "yeah,
no"? Are you kidding me?
282
00:12:53,294 --> 00:12:54,793
Your door is stupid.
283
00:12:54,829 --> 00:12:57,263
There's a reason HOAs
create approved-color lists,
284
00:12:57,298 --> 00:12:59,198
and that eyesore is Exhibit A.
285
00:12:59,234 --> 00:13:00,766
What happened to your rebel spirit?
286
00:13:00,801 --> 00:13:03,469
What about any of this
screams "rebel" to you?
287
00:13:03,504 --> 00:13:06,606
My God! Slow your roll, Norma Gay.
288
00:13:06,641 --> 00:13:08,307
- I'm bi.
- Doesn't rhyme.
289
00:13:08,343 --> 00:13:11,143
This isn't about being gay,
bi, poly, or trapezoidal.
290
00:13:11,178 --> 00:13:13,678
This is about you not
selecting one of 42
291
00:13:13,714 --> 00:13:16,782
HOA-approved colors...
colors you and I voted on
292
00:13:16,817 --> 00:13:18,528
so that people wouldn't
trash the neighborhood
293
00:13:18,552 --> 00:13:20,552
with stupid doors like yours.
294
00:13:20,587 --> 00:13:21,820
See, that rhymes.
295
00:13:21,856 --> 00:13:24,223
Izzy picked it.
296
00:13:24,258 --> 00:13:26,158
I forgot about the list.
297
00:13:29,529 --> 00:13:31,130
You know, you are the best
298
00:13:31,165 --> 00:13:34,867
I've ever seen at whatever it is you do.
299
00:13:34,902 --> 00:13:37,870
Is it drawing... buildings?
300
00:13:37,905 --> 00:13:39,504
- Mm-hmm.
- Yeah. Um...
301
00:13:39,539 --> 00:13:41,306
But this right now...
what you're doing now,
302
00:13:41,341 --> 00:13:43,142
the... the whole neighborhood thing?
303
00:13:43,177 --> 00:13:45,377
You don't want to treat
this like a corporation,
304
00:13:45,412 --> 00:13:47,345
like, uh, you're leaving a body count
305
00:13:47,381 --> 00:13:50,815
on your ruthless climb
to the corner office.
306
00:13:50,850 --> 00:13:53,084
Lala is not the enemy.
307
00:13:53,119 --> 00:13:55,754
Did you know that she owns that
little hippie shop on the square
308
00:13:55,789 --> 00:13:58,156
with the soap and the candles
and the groovy hemp skirts?
309
00:13:58,191 --> 00:13:59,424
Oh, of course she does.
310
00:13:59,459 --> 00:14:01,559
Okay.
311
00:14:01,595 --> 00:14:03,361
Just try not to destroy anybody, okay?
312
00:14:03,397 --> 00:14:04,596
- Okay.
- Snacks are there.
313
00:14:04,631 --> 00:14:06,698
Uh... I'm gonna grab my stuff.
314
00:14:06,733 --> 00:14:07,932
Thank you, thank you.
315
00:14:07,967 --> 00:14:09,834
- Bye, girls!
- Bye!
316
00:14:09,869 --> 00:14:11,770
Have a good day!
317
00:14:15,875 --> 00:14:17,175
I miss you.
318
00:14:17,210 --> 00:14:19,711
Poop!
319
00:14:19,746 --> 00:14:23,026
There we go. Callie, you
can wipe her butt, right?
320
00:14:23,062 --> 00:14:25,529
Wow, really feeling the
secondhand hate here.
321
00:14:25,565 --> 00:14:27,164
Oh, hear that?
322
00:14:27,200 --> 00:14:29,666
My new-girl card just
spontaneously burst into flames.
323
00:14:29,702 --> 00:14:32,236
Look, I got to find Alex.
I got to talk to him.
324
00:14:32,271 --> 00:14:35,473
Oh, good timing.
325
00:14:35,508 --> 00:14:38,542
- Hey, man, I...
- Hey, fuck you, "man."
326
00:14:38,578 --> 00:14:40,877
Who does that shit in 2019 Portland?
327
00:14:40,913 --> 00:14:43,425
- Alex, I said I was sorry. I...
- Dragging me into your frat-bro scheme
328
00:14:43,449 --> 00:14:45,816
to get the girl or whatever...
I mean, that's bad enough.
329
00:14:45,851 --> 00:14:47,384
But egging my house...
330
00:14:47,420 --> 00:14:49,253
You... you egged his house?
331
00:14:49,288 --> 00:14:50,988
- When?
- Somebody egged your house?
332
00:14:52,558 --> 00:14:54,236
You scared the shit out
of my mom last night,
333
00:14:54,260 --> 00:14:55,892
you raging psychopath.
334
00:14:55,928 --> 00:14:58,595
At least fucking own it.
335
00:14:58,631 --> 00:15:01,264
Look, this is my problem.
336
00:15:01,299 --> 00:15:04,400
Don't follow me, okay?
337
00:15:04,436 --> 00:15:06,169
Gabriel.
338
00:15:06,204 --> 00:15:08,605
We both know you didn't egg
any houses last night, okay?
339
00:15:08,641 --> 00:15:09,884
Why didn't you just say something?
340
00:15:09,908 --> 00:15:11,574
Same reason you didn't.
341
00:15:11,610 --> 00:15:13,610
Because I would get high-fives
342
00:15:13,646 --> 00:15:15,578
and... and you wouldn't.
343
00:15:15,614 --> 00:15:18,749
I'm the asshole here. I
knew you were straight.
344
00:15:18,784 --> 00:15:21,118
I dared you to prove
you weren't. It's stupid.
345
00:15:21,153 --> 00:15:22,585
Look, I'm not a puppet.
346
00:15:22,621 --> 00:15:24,420
Yeah, but you're a teenage boy,
347
00:15:24,456 --> 00:15:26,790
and it's not, like, that different.
348
00:15:26,825 --> 00:15:29,359
Instead of strings, you have...
349
00:15:29,394 --> 00:15:30,926
you know.
350
00:15:30,962 --> 00:15:32,206
Look, I'll figure something out.
351
00:15:32,230 --> 00:15:33,563
I just... I don't want you to...
352
00:15:33,598 --> 00:15:36,633
"I don't give a damn
about my reputation."
353
00:15:36,668 --> 00:15:39,035
- Runaways.
- Yeah.
354
00:15:43,608 --> 00:15:46,609
Look, I'll fix this.
355
00:16:05,296 --> 00:16:07,996
This fucking sucks...
356
00:16:08,031 --> 00:16:10,065
mostly.
357
00:16:17,340 --> 00:16:21,142
Talk fast. I'm super busy
drinking alone in bed.
358
00:16:21,178 --> 00:16:23,778
- It's 12:30.
- I'm making a point.
359
00:16:23,814 --> 00:16:26,481
- That your life is really sad?
- No.
360
00:16:26,517 --> 00:16:28,183
I'm on a mission to remind Shaun
361
00:16:28,219 --> 00:16:29,851
that nothing matters without me.
362
00:16:29,886 --> 00:16:31,353
And how's that going so far?
363
00:16:31,388 --> 00:16:33,288
I'm getting worried
that I could rot here
364
00:16:33,324 --> 00:16:34,634
- and no one would notice.
- Okay, back to me.
365
00:16:34,658 --> 00:16:39,194
Anyway, um, remember my boss, Nathan?
366
00:16:39,229 --> 00:16:40,929
- Test-drive boyfriend?
- Whatever.
367
00:16:40,964 --> 00:16:44,265
Um, so, last night...
368
00:16:44,300 --> 00:16:46,467
we made some...
369
00:16:46,502 --> 00:16:48,837
not-so-good choices.
370
00:16:48,872 --> 00:16:50,371
You fucked him?
371
00:16:50,406 --> 00:16:52,140
- N...
- Whoa, you are terrible,
372
00:16:52,175 --> 00:16:54,375
and I actually, uh, feel better already.
373
00:16:54,410 --> 00:16:56,878
No, I didn't fuck him, okay?
374
00:16:56,913 --> 00:16:58,512
We agreed that we were just friends,
375
00:16:58,548 --> 00:17:01,149
but then was this, like, almost-kiss,
376
00:17:01,184 --> 00:17:03,517
and I'm freaking out about it.
377
00:17:03,553 --> 00:17:05,319
Whatever, it's not
about the dude, anyway.
378
00:17:05,355 --> 00:17:07,622
- Explain.
- Everything you've said or done
379
00:17:07,657 --> 00:17:09,190
in the past couple of weeks
380
00:17:09,226 --> 00:17:11,558
screams that you are nowhere
near ready for the life
381
00:17:11,593 --> 00:17:12,971
that you're literally signing up for,
382
00:17:12,995 --> 00:17:14,394
so you're acting out.
383
00:17:14,429 --> 00:17:15,796
You're, uh, hoping someone else
384
00:17:15,831 --> 00:17:19,133
will make the decision for you.
385
00:17:19,168 --> 00:17:21,468
- Still with me?
- Barely.
386
00:17:21,503 --> 00:17:23,003
Just sack up and tell the Griswolds
387
00:17:23,038 --> 00:17:24,315
that you don't want to
spend the rest of your life
388
00:17:24,339 --> 00:17:25,639
in Hawthorne Heights
389
00:17:25,674 --> 00:17:27,674
and that you do want
to have your own babies,
390
00:17:27,709 --> 00:17:29,910
and maybe let, um, what's-his-penis know
391
00:17:29,945 --> 00:17:31,845
that he's not the one before he says...
392
00:17:31,881 --> 00:17:34,481
- I need you.
- Huh?
393
00:17:34,516 --> 00:17:35,816
I got to go.
394
00:17:35,851 --> 00:17:37,584
What?
395
00:17:41,190 --> 00:17:43,356
Gabriel got busted, and Principal Morgan
396
00:17:43,392 --> 00:17:44,891
wants to talk to him right now.
397
00:17:44,926 --> 00:17:46,726
- Why?
- Kid named Alex accused him
398
00:17:46,762 --> 00:17:48,561
of egging his house over a bad date,
399
00:17:48,597 --> 00:17:50,997
and there's a petition going
around calling it a hate crime
400
00:17:51,032 --> 00:17:54,167
and demanding Gabriel's expulsion.
401
00:17:54,202 --> 00:17:55,702
Shit.
402
00:17:55,737 --> 00:17:57,404
Yeah...
403
00:17:57,439 --> 00:17:59,572
lots of that.
404
00:18:15,223 --> 00:18:17,190
What's all this?
405
00:18:17,225 --> 00:18:19,192
Oh, egg hair.
406
00:18:19,227 --> 00:18:20,759
Huh?
407
00:18:20,795 --> 00:18:22,195
Uh, somebody egged your house.
408
00:18:22,230 --> 00:18:23,996
Mostly the door.
409
00:18:29,304 --> 00:18:32,104
So, you know Alex just
came out last summer, right?
410
00:18:32,140 --> 00:18:34,773
He doesn't have the tools
to deal with any of this.
411
00:18:34,809 --> 00:18:37,043
Oh, you think this is for him?
412
00:18:37,078 --> 00:18:38,410
Are you sure?
413
00:18:38,446 --> 00:18:40,612
'Cause Hawthorne Heights
is so progressive.
414
00:18:40,648 --> 00:18:42,215
Oh, you know what they say...
415
00:18:42,250 --> 00:18:44,884
hate hides everywhere...
416
00:18:44,919 --> 00:18:48,120
- sometimes in your own family.
- What is that supposed to mean?
417
00:18:48,156 --> 00:18:50,434
Alex went out and hung out with
a kid from school last night.
418
00:18:50,458 --> 00:18:51,835
When he came home, he was pissed off,
419
00:18:51,859 --> 00:18:53,892
but he didn't want to talk about it.
420
00:18:53,927 --> 00:18:55,593
And?
421
00:18:55,628 --> 00:18:59,397
And obviously, I went through
his phone, saw the kid's name...
422
00:18:59,432 --> 00:19:01,066
Gabriel.
423
00:19:01,101 --> 00:19:03,134
Only one of those at school.
424
00:19:03,170 --> 00:19:05,003
Same last name as you.
425
00:19:08,041 --> 00:19:09,674
Izzy. Izzy.
426
00:19:09,709 --> 00:19:11,442
Hold up.
427
00:19:11,478 --> 00:19:12,777
- Hold up!
- Why?
428
00:19:12,812 --> 00:19:14,612
We can't let Gabriel take the fall.
429
00:19:14,647 --> 00:19:16,147
Of course not, but...
430
00:19:16,183 --> 00:19:17,426
but let's hold a beat
and think this through.
431
00:19:17,450 --> 00:19:18,661
There's nothing to think about.
432
00:19:18,685 --> 00:19:21,486
Hey, we're gonna lose our jobs.
433
00:19:21,521 --> 00:19:22,999
Well, then I'll tell
them it was just me.
434
00:19:23,023 --> 00:19:24,522
No! That's not happening.
435
00:19:24,557 --> 00:19:28,325
Okay, look... you confess, I confess.
436
00:19:28,361 --> 00:19:30,160
No. No.
437
00:19:30,196 --> 00:19:32,430
You have way more to lose.
438
00:19:32,465 --> 00:19:34,799
You sure about that?
439
00:19:34,834 --> 00:19:36,712
Look, the three of you
just barely got that loan.
440
00:19:36,736 --> 00:19:38,636
And if they re-verify,
441
00:19:38,671 --> 00:19:41,171
you are going to lose the house.
442
00:19:41,207 --> 00:19:43,974
And I'm not just gonna get fired, Iz...
443
00:19:44,010 --> 00:19:45,643
No one's gonna hire me.
444
00:19:48,080 --> 00:19:49,547
Why did I drag you into this?
445
00:19:49,582 --> 00:19:52,683
You didn't drag me into anything.
446
00:19:52,719 --> 00:19:54,952
I... I wanted to be with you.
447
00:19:54,987 --> 00:19:58,122
- Izzy? Izzy! Where the hell have you been?
- W... I w... I was, um...
448
00:19:58,157 --> 00:20:00,635
- We were... we were just discussing the...
- Oh, we were talking school.
449
00:20:00,659 --> 00:20:02,125
Okay, I don't care.
450
00:20:02,160 --> 00:20:04,060
Um, Gabriel's innocent,
and I can prove it.
451
00:20:04,095 --> 00:20:07,531
- What? How?
- He was with me... all night.
452
00:20:10,101 --> 00:20:11,701
He's trying to protect
me, but fuck that.
453
00:20:11,737 --> 00:20:14,805
I'm nobody's damsel.
Look at the time stamp.
454
00:20:14,840 --> 00:20:16,217
Egging happened around 2:00.
455
00:20:16,241 --> 00:20:17,719
Yeah, and we live on the northeast side.
456
00:20:17,743 --> 00:20:20,076
So, he couldn't have done it.
457
00:20:20,111 --> 00:20:21,344
No.
458
00:20:21,379 --> 00:20:24,047
Okay, come with me.
459
00:20:24,082 --> 00:20:26,015
That's what I said.
460
00:20:35,360 --> 00:20:36,826
Dude, what the fuck?
461
00:20:36,861 --> 00:20:38,727
I told you I didn't want to talk to him.
462
00:20:38,763 --> 00:20:40,207
- Oh, oh, oh, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!
- Watch it!
463
00:20:40,231 --> 00:20:43,933
Language, please.
464
00:20:43,969 --> 00:20:48,237
I just got off the phone
with your grandmother, Sasha.
465
00:20:48,273 --> 00:20:49,672
And she backed you up.
466
00:20:49,707 --> 00:20:53,542
You two are cleared. You got this?
467
00:20:53,578 --> 00:20:56,058
- Yep, thank you, Principal Morgan.
- Thanks, Principal Morgan.
468
00:20:58,316 --> 00:21:00,583
I am so sorry.
469
00:21:00,618 --> 00:21:02,418
Still a dick move, using you like that.
470
00:21:02,454 --> 00:21:03,697
Oh, yeah, you're a massive choad,
471
00:21:03,721 --> 00:21:05,388
no doubt about that, but...
472
00:21:05,423 --> 00:21:07,357
- Choad?
- ... I don't know, if I were straight,
473
00:21:07,392 --> 00:21:08,958
I'd probably fake gay for her, too.
474
00:21:08,993 --> 00:21:13,061
Oh, my God. That is so
weird and flattering.
475
00:21:13,097 --> 00:21:15,531
- I...
- Will you please be my gay best friend?
476
00:21:15,566 --> 00:21:18,033
Um, I'll put you on the
waiting list, I guess.
477
00:21:18,568 --> 00:21:20,102
It's like we're not even here.
478
00:21:20,137 --> 00:21:21,370
Oh, get used to it.
479
00:21:21,405 --> 00:21:23,138
We reverted to being lamps
480
00:21:23,173 --> 00:21:24,785
and furniture once the
threat was gone, so...
481
00:21:24,809 --> 00:21:26,408
Mm. Mm-hmm, mm-hmm, mm-hmm.
482
00:21:45,996 --> 00:21:49,797
It's just you.
483
00:21:49,833 --> 00:21:52,467
Mm.
484
00:21:52,503 --> 00:21:54,636
Shaun hasn't realized he
can't live without you?
485
00:21:54,671 --> 00:21:56,405
I think this thing backfired
486
00:21:56,440 --> 00:21:59,007
and actually proved the exact opposite.
487
00:21:59,043 --> 00:22:00,509
Okay.
488
00:22:00,544 --> 00:22:02,610
Let's get you up, walk
you around a little bit,
489
00:22:02,646 --> 00:22:05,147
break up the blood clots, air you out.
490
00:22:09,653 --> 00:22:11,153
Okay.
491
00:22:11,188 --> 00:22:15,290
So, once you're off the bed for
any other reason other than beer...
492
00:22:15,325 --> 00:22:16,758
- Unh, nah.
- It's over?
493
00:22:16,793 --> 00:22:19,626
No, you see, I never
lose at Bed Battles,
494
00:22:19,662 --> 00:22:22,430
and lucky for jou, I'm not in the mood.
495
00:22:22,465 --> 00:22:23,764
Okay? So... Ow! Ow!
496
00:22:23,799 --> 00:22:25,466
Mmf!
497
00:22:25,501 --> 00:22:26,945
Shouldn't you be fixing the
latest crisis you caused?
498
00:22:26,969 --> 00:22:28,169
Oh, I already did.
499
00:22:28,204 --> 00:22:29,870
I'm still riding the relief buzz.
500
00:22:29,905 --> 00:22:32,139
This is me being here for you!
501
00:22:32,175 --> 00:22:36,444
I'm really struggling
to see it that way!
502
00:22:36,479 --> 00:22:39,213
I'm liberating you from a
prison of your own making!
503
00:22:39,248 --> 00:22:42,627
Bullshit! You're just annoying
me more aggressively than usual!
504
00:22:42,651 --> 00:22:45,553
- Oh! Yeah!
- No, no!
505
00:22:45,588 --> 00:22:46,987
- Yes!
- No!
506
00:22:47,022 --> 00:22:48,556
- No, no, no!
- Yes, yes!
507
00:22:48,591 --> 00:22:49,868
What's that? What's that... sorry?
508
00:22:49,892 --> 00:22:51,324
I can't hear you. What'd you say?
509
00:22:51,359 --> 00:22:52,637
I'm better than you at everything,
510
00:22:52,661 --> 00:22:54,327
including being smart and pretty?
511
00:22:54,362 --> 00:22:55,662
Oh, my God, stop.
512
00:22:55,698 --> 00:22:58,999
- You don't need to s...
- Yes!
513
00:22:59,034 --> 00:23:02,469
The new Bed Battle
champion of the world... me!
514
00:23:04,509 --> 00:23:06,944
You're absolutely certain
that this is you helping me?
515
00:23:06,979 --> 00:23:10,025
Yeah. And here's the payoff...
you'll never be alone,
516
00:23:10,049 --> 00:23:11,860
and you'll always be
needed 'cause you've got me.
517
00:23:11,884 --> 00:23:15,385
Okay, stop threatening
me, and get off my bed!
518
00:23:15,420 --> 00:23:17,320
Uh, this is my bed now, loser.
519
00:23:17,355 --> 00:23:20,390
Aah!
520
00:23:45,683 --> 00:23:51,253
Uh, hard fucking lessons,
tough love, baby doll.
521
00:23:51,288 --> 00:23:53,856
Stop looking at me like that!
You're gonna judge me now?
522
00:23:53,891 --> 00:23:55,157
Jesus Christ.
523
00:23:55,192 --> 00:23:56,403
Maybe I'm saving it for our date!
524
00:23:56,427 --> 00:23:58,393
Did you think of that?
525
00:23:58,429 --> 00:24:00,495
Dick.
526
00:24:03,366 --> 00:24:05,900
So, yeah, that's when Sasha
saved us with those selfies.
527
00:24:07,437 --> 00:24:09,437
I'm so happy to have that behind us.
528
00:24:09,472 --> 00:24:12,107
Nah, I wouldn't say
it's behind us just yet.
529
00:24:12,142 --> 00:24:13,775
- Well, I would.
- Yeah, that's true.
530
00:24:13,810 --> 00:24:15,276
Lala's door didn't egg itself.
531
00:24:15,311 --> 00:24:16,845
No.
532
00:24:16,880 --> 00:24:18,691
I mean, I... I assume it's a
kid, right, because honestly,
533
00:24:18,715 --> 00:24:20,949
what adult would do something
so idiotic and immature?
534
00:24:20,984 --> 00:24:22,517
- Right.
- Mm-hmm.
535
00:24:22,552 --> 00:24:24,097
Certainly not someone in
this neighborhood, right?
536
00:24:24,121 --> 00:24:25,419
Oh, no.
537
00:24:25,455 --> 00:24:26,921
Talk about shitting where you sleep.
538
00:24:26,957 --> 00:24:28,222
- It's vexing, isn't it?
- Mm-hmm.
539
00:24:28,258 --> 00:24:29,924
I know. We'll probably never know.
540
00:24:29,960 --> 00:24:31,760
It's a mystery for the ages.
541
00:24:31,795 --> 00:24:33,194
- Theories will abound.
- Mm.
542
00:24:33,229 --> 00:24:35,929
Podcasts will be produced, probably.
543
00:24:41,671 --> 00:24:44,405
Well, I wonder who that could be.
544
00:24:44,440 --> 00:24:46,440
I don't know, honey. Let's find out.
545
00:24:46,476 --> 00:24:48,543
Why are you guys being weird?
546
00:24:52,348 --> 00:24:53,581
Oh, Iz!
547
00:24:53,616 --> 00:24:55,316
It's Lala, and she brought a movie.
548
00:24:55,351 --> 00:24:57,918
Okay. What kind of movie?
549
00:24:57,953 --> 00:24:59,953
A mash-up of my two favorite genres...
550
00:24:59,989 --> 00:25:02,056
true crime and found footage...
551
00:25:02,091 --> 00:25:05,293
from my neighbor's security camera.
552
00:25:05,328 --> 00:25:06,926
I'll get the popcorn.
553
00:25:10,000 --> 00:25:15,000
- Synced and corrected by chamallow -
39849
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Albanian
Amharic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bengali
Bosnian
Bulgarian
Catalan
Cebuano
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Dutch
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Finnish
Frisian
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Gujarati
Haitian Creole
Hawaiian
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Khmer
Korean
Kurdish (Kurmanji)
Kyrgyz
Lao
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Polish
Portuguese
Romanian
Russian
Samoan
Serbian
Sesotho
Shona
Sinhala
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swahili
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Turkish
Ukrainian
Urdu
Uzbek
Vietnamese
