Original subtitles

سابقا على "أنت عني لها" ...

لذلك، وشون الآن فجأة رئيسك في العمل

والنينجا الجنس بينما كنت عالقا في الخاص بك الحياة الربع المادة اللزجة الأزمة.

وهذا تحول كبير الحمار في ديناميكية السلطة. هذا الخام.

- كنت في الواقع اسمه شريط العلاج؟ - أنا فعلا.

يا إلهي. كنت تتصدر لي من القاع.

حسنا، غادرت جوجل للبحث حتى على كمبيوتر محمول لها ...

"ثلاثي الاحتجاز."

تشعر أنها مجرد مثل هذا هو كل شيء

تليين ضربة لحين يقولون لي

من المؤكد انهم لا يريدون أي المزيد من الاطفال.

مهلا، إم. انها غابي. يجب أن نتكلم.

معلومات عن جاك.

هذا هو لالا.

لالا هو رئيس السوبر رهيبة

من جمعية أصحاب المنازل لدينا.

أوه، وقالت انها الانضمام إلى هذه الرعاية النهارية التعاونية في الشارع.

وقالت خطف الاطفال كارمن بحيث انها تريد السماح لها بالدخول.

أنا ذاهب إلى البيت لnooner مع ايزي.

We're trying to figure out if we can have sex in twos.

Oh, this was such a good idea.

Emma's perfectly happy at Binge Club.

Oh, my God.

- Synced and corrected by chamallow - - www.addic7ed.com -

I'm waiting.

I'm confused. Are you upset that we came home to nap?

Well, apparently, you had other plans.

Okay.

Things went a little south

when we accidentally started talking about yoooo...

Go. Slavia.

- Yugoslavia? - That's a weak effort. I'm sorry.

I'm fucking legally asleep right now.

All right, here's the truth, okay?

Don't get mad.

But without you, it just felt wrong.

- Well, get the fuck over it! - Aah!

Do you want me to feel like the anchor?

Huh? Is that what you want?

Me to be the one who drags us down

into the dank murk of suburban monotony

until this one claws her way out?

- This is weird. - Yes. Yes, it is.

Two red-blooded adults sneak home to do the deed

and take a little dodo instead.

Okay, hold on. Just a s...

I'm catching up. So,

you're not mad about us sneaking home to have sex

'cause we knew you weren't gonna be here.

You're mad... because...

Because we're doing it all wrong.

Okay? We are doing it all wrong, people! This...

This is a poly foul.

You forgot the whistle thing.

Oh, please. Why?

- I don't know, man. - On his site,

Coach Remi has "The Five Poly Fouls That Will Get You Ejected."

- Who is Coach Remi? - Yeah.

Coach Remi!

Portland's official poly guru?

Anyway, I've been reading his stuff,

and he has this training camp

at the downtown Marriott, and...

I think we should go.

A, that sounds dreadful.

Oh, that's it.

Yeah, go... go on.

Okay, look, the two of us need to be able to have sex

without the third one getting their feelings hurt, so come on.

Come on!

Come on. Do what you came here to do.

I'm just gonna sit back,

then I'll join in when I'm ready.

- Like, right now? - Yeah.

I'm ordering you to fornicate without me.

W... w...

For me, uh,

there's never been a moment in my adult life

where I was less inclined to have sexual intercourse.

- Sorry. - Emma, we tried. Seriously.

Like, w... we even...

I don't even know what this is. Is this a butt thing?

I mean, when in doubt, it's usually a butt thing, right?

Here's th... Here's the thing. I think Emma might be right.

I think that...

waiting for all three of us to be in precisely the right mood

at precisely the right time is...

- you know, uh... - It's a poly foul.

Now it's back again.

Okay, enough with this bullshit. Enough with the mortgages.

Enough with the pumpkin-spice candles.

We are gonna throw a weird-ass pajama party

like we used to. Do you remember how much fun that used to be?

And we're gonna drink, and we're gonna vape...

Well, you know, you two are gonna drink and vape.

But we're gonna dance, and we're gonna laugh,

and we're gonna forget about the world,

and before we know it,

we will be using this stuff on each other.

I'm good.

Okay, all right. You got a bigger mouth, anyway.

That's not really my thing.

- Ohh! - Oh, no, babe.

- My goodness. - We haven't actually washed that,

so that's really gross.

Lady lumps.

Emma?

I'm gonna check it out. It's been over an hour, so...

Emma?

Babe?

Are you doing some sort of sexy hide-and-seek thing?

Marco!

Oh, babe.

Polo.

Let's get you to bed, party animal.

Oh, my God, you are the funniest.

I am, aren't I? Oh! She thinks I'm funny.

I heard.

- And who are you? - I'm, uh, Zoe.

The interior designer.

At least, I hope so.

Nina. Little late for business meetings,

- isn't it, babe? - Oh, inspiration never sleeps.

Girl's a genius, Nina. Concepts are so cool.

Oh, I'm just channeling Shaun's vibe.

We really connect.

Creatively.

Yay. That's so awesome.

Hey, does anyone else need a drink? I'm... I'm gonna have...

- several all at once. - Yeah, I'm in.

I will have your driest rosé.

Hmm. Oh, you, uh... you think I'm a bartender?

- You aren't a bartender? - Well... technically, yes.

- But I'm also a licensed therapist, so... - Aww.

"Aww"?

I mean, no offense, but if you're a licensed therapist

working here as a bartender, there has to be at least one "aww"...

- Oh, no. - ... in that story, right?

Well, okay, then! Um, I'm just gonna go to the back

and find our best rosé.

That's also where we keep the toxic cleaning products, so...

Oh, no.

You know what? Why don't we, um...

Why don't we take a rain check on that drink

until it's champagne, huh?

Is that a great idea, or is that my greatest idea?

Uh, thank you so much

for coming in, Designs by Zoe.

Sounds good.

I'm so stoked to work with you, Shaun.

I think we can create something truly special here.

Okay, well, you'll hear from me.

Or you won't!

Yeah, the future, it's, uh...

it's so mysterious.

What the hell was that?

Dickweed.

Yeah, you can hold her hand.

- Hey! - Hey.

Are you... you surprised to see me? I live here.

And you rang the doorbell like 47 times, but...

Well, you know... Hey, there they are!

- Good morning, beautiful people. - Good morning.

Happy Saturday. It's a great time to be alive, huh?

Ah, truly. Just lost a couple organs in the toilet,

but now there's room for the next generation

of beautiful people to grow.

Blessed be the fruit.

So, what's everyone up to this brilliant, blissful morn? I'll go first.

I'll be at my office scrambling to make a deadline

while also watching these lovable, little monkeys.

It's fun, right?

- Unless... - Oh, boy.

- Oh, yeah, we... - Yeah, no, we...

The thing is, oh, Emma and I have some, uh...

- We have something. - We have some bid'ness...

- Mm-hmm. - ... to attend to.

Aw, how nice. What kind of bid'ness?

Yeah, what kind of bid'ness? I don't... that I don't know about.

- I... I think it's a good question. - They're asking, like, specifically.

- Specifically. - What are we doing?

- Well, this is gonna be a lie. - Yep.

- We have errands and stuff. - Yeah, you know, like... mom stuff.

Well, you know, if you're going shopping, Callie is...

she has an amazing eye, and she's very expressive.

- Oh, yes. - I like to poop at the toy store

- because it smells like strawberries. - Cal, I'm confused...

what smells like strawberries, the toy store or your poop?

All hail Princess Monster Face.

We're actually getting our hoo-has done.

- Mm. - Uh, it's a twofer. We're gonna surprise Jack.

Okay, so 2 minutes and 13 seconds

to concoct the lamest excuse ever. You can do better.

- I think. - You know what? I got this.

You guys can go out.

Yep, leave it to Uncle Jack.

Oh, my God. Jack, thank you.

You are by far my favorite Trakarsky.

- Always have been! - Aw, that's not saying much.

Okay. You girls gonna be all right with Uncle Jack?

You'll just do some drawing?

- Yeah. - Okay.

Okay, Carmen, we need some girlfriend time, okay?

Just you and me. And I'm dying to catch up on "Who We Are,"

but I don't want to spoil anything. So, have you caught up?

Oh, please. I'm not caught up on sleep or basic hygiene,

and yet I can't even get nominated for "Best Lemonade Stand

by an Asian-American Who Lives in My House" award.

- Aww. - Well, it's their loss, Carm.

You know I'm exaggerating, right?

Course I do.

- Bye, guys. - Bye, Princess Monster Face!

- Bye, girls! - Bye, Mom.

I know what you're doing, by the way,

with your homicidal kid smile.

It's not gonna work. You can't scare me.

Okay, please stop.

Ohh, if this place were trying any harder,

- it's be a warehouse full of... - Dicks?

Yeah!

So, Gabe wants to meet to talk about their mom why?

Well, you saw "The Great Santini."

- Mm... - You don't know "The Great Santini"?

Oh, my God, it's so good.

So, Robert Duvall plays this badass military dad.

He's trying to toughen his kid up for the cold, cruel world.

Okay, I'll put it on my watchlist. So...

So, their mom is, you know,

like a distaff Great Santini.

- Mm. - She may have gone, uh, a little overboard.

Yeah, sounds like it.

What's so funny?

It's Nathan showing me his latest assignment.

He's pretending to like street meat.

It's so stupid.

Yeah. Guess humor's subjective.

- Come on. Let's go find him. - Okay.

Leave us, Jebediah Todd.

Are you absolutely certain you weren't followed?

Why don't you just tell us why we're here?

- There isn't much time. - Did you take cyanide?

No. I'm getting my nose and ears done,

but I needed to talk to you in person, away from Jack.

And telephones are... ?

- Easily compromised. - Oh, my God.

We have a potentially violent situation on our hands.

Mom's coming to town,

and Jack's gonna make nice with her,

or I'm gonna go postal on his ass.

You're kidding me.

Oh, my God, he's not kidding.

Okay, how do I put this delicately? Um,

- this is the stupidest idea I've ever heard. - True.

Well, they're both too stubborn to make the first move,

so I'm gonna make it for them.

Why are you doing this now?

Okay, w... we're already stressed enough

with the babies and the house and...

That's why I'm doing it.

Jack finally managed to go deep enough to make babies.

- Gross. - That is disgusting.

But everything he thinks he knows

about his own upbringing is a lie.

And even well-intentioned lies have consequences.

I want Jack to have his mom at a time like this, like I did.

It matters.

But he needs to know the truth about his dad

to understand Mom

and why she was the way she was with him.

The truth?

God damn it, Gabe. In the name of all that's good in the world,

- please pick up! - Fuck!

I said "pick up," young lady.

Okay? That's not even close.

- What up, jack-off? - It's me.

Uh, I'm with the, uh, Amari girls. Dave's kids?

They're friggin', like, little devil children.

I don't know what to do.

Um, I gave them candy, and now it's... there...

it seems like there's more of them, like they're multiplying.

- What do I do? - I don't know.

Why don't you go golfing like a real man

and leave the wives to mind the children? How about that?

Okay, quick, look around...

is it 1956 where you're at?

You know, I just keep wondering how you always get

the chick end of the stick, huh? How is that?

- Are you golfing? - Dude, real men golf in the rain, bro.

Fore!

- Yeah. - Here's the thing...

Emma and Izzy were acting super weird this morning.

They said they were gonna go out and run some errands,

but it seemed very nefarious,

I have to say... like they were up to no good,

like they were planning a surprise for me or something.

A surprise? What?!

Don't be stupid. That's...

Man, you got to grow up and stop thinking

everyone's always plotting some big surprise.

Jeeesus! I mean...

- Okay, now you're acting super weird. - Oh, fuck off. I am not.

Fuck yeah, you are. Dickhead.

Keep going. You're gonna reveal yourself in two seconds.

Oh, hole in one! I just got a hole in one! It's amazing!

You... You got a hole in one?

You just yelled "fore."

Yeah, a big wind just blew it right back.

Oh, they're bringing the big check! It's great!

They're bringing it right now! Gotta go, bro!

Oh, my God, what the f...

No. Girls, no. This can't...

Something has to be done about this.

_

So, setting aside the Trakarsky family curve ball

that Gabe just threw at us...

Let's set it way aside... like, in the Philippines.

I saw on your computer

that you were researching tri-custody.

Well, that's what you want, isn't it, babe?

The three of us to be equal parents?

Um...

Back when my mom and dad were cozy, little drunks together,

they were big into video games.

They would always give me the controller

and tell me that I was in charge of the bad guys,

and I thought I was some amazing game player.

Until I found out that there were no batteries in the controller

and it was a two-player game.

Oh, shit.

Hi!

- Hey. - Remember the sign everyone loves to make fun of?

"Slow... Children at Play"?

I just think the word "down" would help so much.

Sue me.

Would an HOA Security Division speeding ticket suffice?

Uh, so, Em, who is this person?

And why is she playing cops-and-robbers in our driveway?

I'm Lala, HOA president.

And you are?

Uh, Izzy Silva.

Our wife.

Nice to meet you.

I have an out gay son, so I'm cool with all that.

- Super woke. - Cool, okay.

Anyway, Emma, you should know people are talking.

- What are they saying? - They're saying that Binge Club presidency

is just a launching pad

and that you have designs on my job.

Not that I'm worried, 'cause I'm not.

Well, uh, maybe you should be.

So it's true.

You are gunning for me.

Emma is much too busy, uh,

building her architectural empire...

... to be playing neighborhood politics with you, Lala.

Did you make up that name?

- Nope. - No, it's, uh... it's her real name.

No shit! How stoned were your parents?

They're in recovery.

Okay, you know what? Why don't we, uh, just call this a truce,

you give us the ticket, before it gets out of hand?

I'll put it in your mailbox.

Gosh, I hope everything works out with the house.

No telling when the next one hits the market.

So nice to meet you, Lizzy.

"Lizzy"? Really?

Does it look like I have low self-esteem

- and that I dye my own hair? - A little.

- Does it? - Not really.

Like I said, very established neighborhood,

practically no turnover.

Good luck fitting in.

This is bad.

- Why? - She's calm. Look at her.

She is too calm.

She's ridiculous, is what she is.

It's gonna be fine.

I'm telling you, Lala is covering something insidious,

like eternal evil.

Sounds reasonable.

Not to change the subject,

but have you ever heard of those high-powered executives

that just transfer their intense but beautiful

careerist energies into, uh, neighborhood politics?

Welcome back.

- Wow! - Wow!

- Beautiful! - Looking good, Princess.

Thank you. These girls are a total nightmare.

I don't even care if they hear me.

So, where were you guys?

And just give me an answer quick. Don't think.

- Yeah, we were... we were getting our... - Hair.

- We were getting our hoo-has done. - I knew it. I knew it.

- Tripped you up. - Why do you have two wives?

I got this one.

Well, girls...

Do you want to hear a story?

Once upon a time,

Prince Jack was put under a spell,

and he was given too much love

for any one princess to handle.

But luckily, Princess Izzy and Princess Emma

loved each other very much.

Two princesses can't love each other, silly.

Well, you know... I'll get this one.

Yes, actually, they can.

Two princess can love each other. Here. Come here.

And do you know what?

These two princesses... well, let's put it this way.

There once was a frog, and his name was Jack, right?

And not just one princess,

but two princesses came by and gave him a kiss.

And you know what happened to him?

He turned into a prince,

and they lived in this kingdom of love forever and ever.

And the prince, if everything goes right,

will someday turn into a king.

_

- _ - Ugh, I got to go, guys.

- Where are you going? - Uh, it's a Nina emergency.

Unroll your eyes.

Real this time.

- Are you okay? - Yeah. It's...

This is gonna be you guys someday.

You mean this is gonna be us someday.

Yeah.

Bye, girls!

- Say bye-bye. - Bye, Princess Izzy!

Bye, prince.

Hey, Carm. How's it going?

Don't tell Jack, but I'm gonna sneak home right now

and catch the rest of that stupid, sappy show,

just so you and I can talk about it. I want us to be

"Who We Are" sisters from different misters,

always there for each other, just like Sandra and Tracy.

And they didn't even know they were sisters? Really?

Hey, Carm, don't even sweat it. We're taking the girls to the park.

- Really? - Yeah.

Like Sailor always says,

"I love you, and you love me,

and that's just who we are."

That's so stupid, and I'm definitely not crying. Bye.

You'll never break us because we know who we are.

What about you? Huh?

Do you know who you are?

I'm a woman who's sobbing

over the tribulations of a man who's far too handsome

to be a plumbing contractor in real life.

But mostly I'm just drinking alone,

talking to the TV, and just imagining

the love of my life's humiliating comeuppance

because I'm a jealous shithead

who just wanted him to be my plus-one for once.

That's who I am!

Listen up, you.

Say what now?

Grandpa did not escape Nazi Germany

to watch you lie down and crumble.

Ah, God damn it. My grandfather was an immigrant, too,

and he got locked up in a camp!

Why does Dave get to...

We're fighters in this family, right to the end.

That's good. That's good. Mm-hmm.

Mm, mm.

Mm.

And furthermore...

Ah, shh, shh!

Can feel a sequel brewing.

Mmph!

Take that, you...

laughing girl!

Your insult game is in a free fall.

Update... Now Shaun's very presence

turns women into giggling love zombies!

- Unh! Fuck! - Nina!

- Ow! Oww! - Okay. Okay.

- How do men do that? - The better question is,

why do men do that?

Okay, just...

Okay. Okay. Let's, um...

... turn that off.

Okay.

Shaun is catching his wave.

So what?

- That's a good thing. - Mm, is it?

You know, he'll always be obsessed with you.

And while things are evening out a bit,

- your upper hand is safe. - Mm.

So, maybe spend a little bit more time knowing it

and a little less time...

... showing it?

- I guess? - Mm. Mm!

Better?

Mm. Will you massage my hand?

Weird. Only if you focus.

Okay, so, one second,

I was watching Jack and Emma with the Amari girls.

And the next, it was like... it was like a...

a home video, with their kids, the twins.

And it was perfect.

They want you in the picture.

I know. I know.

I told Emma my game-controller story.

Why?

Because I've been thinking about it a lot.

You know, it seems like a metaphor for my vague "mamacita" role.

Oh, Iz, that is so dark.

Well, they have a biological dad,

and they have a biological mom.

So, what am I, really?

Like, the cool aunt?

Or the nanny that's, like, become like family?

- I mean, I don't know. - Yeah.

- The controller with no batteries? - See?

What if this last year has been, like,

the coolest, weirdest vacation ever...

and I'm the souvenir

that they don't remember buying when they were drunk?

- Do you think she's happy? - Which one?

You think it's a "tears of a clown" situation happening?

I'm talking about Izzy.

She bought us a pumpkin-spice candle.

She gets it.

Hawthorne Heights is our home, not just a home base.

So, she gets it, and she wants to make it work.

Does that mean she's happy?

I mean, will she be happy in two, three years?

I don't know, but what can we do?

We can get help.

You talking about that poly coach

and the training camp thing?

Come on, Em.

I mean, you got to admit, it sounds a little...

... awesome?

I was gonna say something different,

but your face was telling me to say "awesome."

I know. I thought you were going somewhere else with that.

I'm going wherever you're going.

When is this thing?

- Tonight. - What?!

Tonight?

Yeah! You're going where I'm going.

Count me in, I guess.

Mm, sure we have the address right?

Interesting Marriott.

Kind of a B&B vibe?

Yeah, well, they changed the venue at the last minute.

- Excuse me. - Yeah?

Uh, we're, um...

- we're lost, and we're looking... - You're looking for the open "gym"

- or whatever he's calling it? - Yeah.

You just gonna watch me carry in all your refreshments?

Or do you want to help a mother out?

- Jack will help you. - Oh.

- Thank you. - Sure.

Couple more in here.

Ohh! Oh, okay.

There's no version of what's waiting for us inside that house

- that isn't incredibly weird. - Mnh-mnh.

Yeah, but we can't afford to waste 600 bucks.

- Mm. - Each.

Wait, what? H... how much did she say?

- Hey, Jack, watch the stairs. - _

You can set those down on the counter for me there.

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