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1
00:00:03,445 --> 00:00:05,345
Last season on "You Me Her"...
2
00:00:05,380 --> 00:00:06,777
It's really happening.
3
00:00:06,801 --> 00:00:08,535
It is our two-month anniversary.
4
00:00:08,570 --> 00:00:10,214
The things I'm gonna do
to you when we get home...
5
00:00:10,238 --> 00:00:11,882
Uh, so, this is a bit awkward, but
6
00:00:11,906 --> 00:00:13,739
you postponed the last
two scheduled signings,
7
00:00:13,775 --> 00:00:15,886
and I just want to make sure
that we're still on for Monday.
8
00:00:15,910 --> 00:00:18,077
Yep. Tell Kylie and pop some corks.
9
00:00:18,112 --> 00:00:20,613
Are you sure that you
left for the right reasons?
10
00:00:20,649 --> 00:00:22,648
And you're still getting divorced Monday
11
00:00:22,684 --> 00:00:24,650
- and driving back to Seattle?
- Yes.
12
00:00:24,686 --> 00:00:27,319
I texted Emma that Jack and I
would be out of the loft all day
13
00:00:27,354 --> 00:00:29,399
so she could come deal with all
the shit that we've been storing.
14
00:00:29,423 --> 00:00:30,756
Did Izzy not know you'd be here?
15
00:00:30,792 --> 00:00:31,902
Of course she knew I'd be here.
16
00:00:31,926 --> 00:00:33,625
I think she wants us to scream
17
00:00:33,661 --> 00:00:35,761
and throws things at each other.
18
00:00:35,797 --> 00:00:37,997
What the fuck?
19
00:00:38,032 --> 00:00:40,098
What the three of us
did here was special.
20
00:00:40,133 --> 00:00:41,511
I told you, Izzy, this was a mistake.
21
00:00:41,535 --> 00:00:43,302
If you walk out that door, don't call.
22
00:00:43,337 --> 00:00:44,603
You are dead to me.
23
00:00:44,708 --> 00:00:46,475
Well, congratulations. You're pregnant.
24
00:00:46,510 --> 00:00:48,143
You have got to be fucking kidding me.
25
00:00:48,178 --> 00:00:49,244
You have a right to know.
26
00:00:49,380 --> 00:00:50,846
Why is she here again?
27
00:00:50,881 --> 00:00:53,014
She was at a meeting.
28
00:00:53,049 --> 00:00:55,049
So why is my Spidey sense screaming
29
00:00:55,085 --> 00:00:56,395
that something weird's going down?
30
00:00:56,419 --> 00:00:58,186
What the fuck are you doing here?
31
00:00:58,221 --> 00:01:00,889
Yellow roses, the
official flower of apology.
32
00:01:02,359 --> 00:01:04,392
Em, what really matters
is, what do you want?
33
00:01:04,427 --> 00:01:05,626
I want this baby.
34
00:01:05,661 --> 00:01:07,595
And I want my husband. And Izzy.
35
00:01:07,630 --> 00:01:08,640
- ... glad that you'll be...
- Iz!
36
00:01:08,664 --> 00:01:09,664
- What?!
- I'm pregnant.
37
00:01:09,665 --> 00:01:11,165
And I'm keeping it.
38
00:01:11,201 --> 00:01:13,267
I'm aware of how acutely
fucked up this must seem.
39
00:01:13,302 --> 00:01:15,347
And seven months ago, I
would've thought the same thing.
40
00:01:15,371 --> 00:01:17,070
She is never gonna feel permanent
41
00:01:17,106 --> 00:01:19,273
in your world with your kid.
42
00:01:19,308 --> 00:01:21,420
Actually, that's exactly what we
were discussing on the way home.
43
00:01:21,444 --> 00:01:22,843
We wanna make it official.
44
00:01:22,879 --> 00:01:25,112
Wouldn't be my first
Poly Commitment Ceremony.
45
00:01:25,147 --> 00:01:27,147
If any one of us tries to leave again,
46
00:01:27,182 --> 00:01:28,949
there's no coming back.
47
00:01:28,984 --> 00:01:32,552
I hereby now pronounce
you spiritually, soulfully,
48
00:01:32,587 --> 00:01:36,456
and lovingly committed to
one another forever and ever.
49
00:01:36,491 --> 00:01:38,358
Whoo!
50
00:02:35,448 --> 00:02:38,583
Ah. Oh.
51
00:02:38,618 --> 00:02:41,285
Dear God, why is it so bright?
52
00:02:41,320 --> 00:02:43,020
It's called morning.
53
00:02:43,055 --> 00:02:45,756
Happens almost every day here
in lovely Hawthorne Heights.
54
00:02:45,792 --> 00:02:48,459
What do you say we, uh,
break this little sex slump
55
00:02:48,495 --> 00:02:50,027
before the nausea kicks in?
56
00:02:50,062 --> 00:02:51,862
- Okay.
- Mm, too late.
57
00:02:51,897 --> 00:02:53,030
Mm.
58
00:02:53,065 --> 00:02:54,865
Just, um, start without me!
59
00:02:54,900 --> 00:02:56,633
Ugh.
60
00:02:56,668 --> 00:02:59,436
So, our pregnant wife
just told us to have sex
61
00:02:59,472 --> 00:03:00,983
while listening to her barf.
62
00:03:01,007 --> 00:03:02,873
I've never been so aroused.
63
00:03:02,908 --> 00:03:05,009
Come closer and bring your penis.
64
00:03:07,013 --> 00:03:08,845
- Coffee?
- Yeah.
65
00:03:21,760 --> 00:03:24,060
You look nice.
66
00:03:24,095 --> 00:03:25,361
Thank you.
67
00:03:25,397 --> 00:03:27,463
Ooh. Watch out for these.
68
00:03:27,499 --> 00:03:30,566
- That's a household calamity waiting to happen.
- My boots?
69
00:03:30,601 --> 00:03:33,102
- How the hell did those get there?
- I don't know.
70
00:03:33,138 --> 00:03:34,803
You think maybe, like, a burglar came in
71
00:03:34,839 --> 00:03:37,740
and tried on your boots and
then used your toothbrush?
72
00:03:37,775 --> 00:03:39,086
It's the only thing I can think of.
73
00:03:39,110 --> 00:03:40,743
Very funny. Should we change the locks?
74
00:03:40,778 --> 00:03:42,177
Poor baby maker.
75
00:03:42,212 --> 00:03:43,812
I'll get you tea.
76
00:03:43,848 --> 00:03:46,248
Okay, I am officially the
anchor in this relationship.
77
00:03:46,283 --> 00:03:47,750
Just, you know, cut me loose.
78
00:03:47,785 --> 00:03:49,317
I won't be bitter.
79
00:03:49,353 --> 00:03:52,621
That's nonsense, honey. You
are the wind and the sails.
80
00:03:52,657 --> 00:03:54,489
God, at least soothe me credibly.
81
00:03:54,525 --> 00:03:55,969
- That was pretty good.
- Hey, you know,
82
00:03:55,993 --> 00:03:58,626
there's more to life
than sex, weed, and booze.
83
00:03:58,662 --> 00:04:00,262
No way.
84
00:04:00,297 --> 00:04:02,075
I know. It sounded very
strange to me, too, but...
85
00:04:02,099 --> 00:04:04,266
exhibit "A." Iz, that's really sweet,
86
00:04:04,301 --> 00:04:05,534
but you must be so bored.
87
00:04:05,569 --> 00:04:07,202
I mean, good thing you work downtown
88
00:04:07,237 --> 00:04:09,049
so you can grab a drink
with Shaun and Nina, right?
89
00:04:09,073 --> 00:04:10,372
Yeah. Totally.
90
00:04:10,407 --> 00:04:13,041
Besides, traffic is a real bitch
91
00:04:13,077 --> 00:04:14,787
when I get off my shift at
Directions, so it works out.
92
00:04:14,811 --> 00:04:15,944
- Yeah.
- Mm.
93
00:04:15,979 --> 00:04:17,344
And sometimes it stays bitchy
94
00:04:17,380 --> 00:04:19,614
till, what, like, 2:07,
3:00 in the morning,
95
00:04:19,649 --> 00:04:21,583
- depending on the night?
- Yeah.
96
00:04:21,618 --> 00:04:23,629
Wait a minute. So you're saying
that a burglar didn't come in
97
00:04:23,653 --> 00:04:25,364
and use her boots and her toothbrush?
98
00:04:25,388 --> 00:04:28,364
So, have you guys just been getting
your jollies off at my expense?
99
00:04:28,365 --> 00:04:30,458
Hey, babe, seriously,
just do your thing.
100
00:04:30,493 --> 00:04:32,037
Actually, we all need to do our things.
101
00:04:32,061 --> 00:04:33,461
Yep.
102
00:04:33,496 --> 00:04:34,839
We're talking about masturbation, right?
103
00:04:36,165 --> 00:04:37,476
Uh, I've been doing some research,
104
00:04:37,500 --> 00:04:38,940
and it is becoming glaringly obvious
105
00:04:38,968 --> 00:04:41,102
that we're doing poly, like, all wrong.
106
00:04:41,137 --> 00:04:42,948
Did you know that trying
to do everything in threes,
107
00:04:42,972 --> 00:04:46,340
especially sex, is a poly foul?
108
00:04:46,375 --> 00:04:48,341
That's very clever. Thank you.
109
00:04:48,376 --> 00:04:49,876
But please don't ever do it again.
110
00:04:49,912 --> 00:04:51,511
So this mean you guys are cool
111
00:04:51,546 --> 00:04:54,214
with me meeting Nathan
Malik for happy hour?
112
00:04:54,249 --> 00:04:55,983
- Nathan from Hawthorne School?
- Yeah.
113
00:04:56,018 --> 00:04:57,550
He went through a nasty divorce,
114
00:04:57,586 --> 00:04:59,064
and I figured I could
give him some support.
115
00:04:59,088 --> 00:05:00,386
Plus, Dave's not around.
116
00:05:00,422 --> 00:05:02,089
He's on his stupid book tour, so...
117
00:05:02,124 --> 00:05:04,502
Yeah, I guess you don't really
have that many guy friends, huh?
118
00:05:04,526 --> 00:05:06,593
- Yes, I do.
- Who?
119
00:05:06,628 --> 00:05:07,827
- Uh, guy friends?
- Mm.
120
00:05:07,862 --> 00:05:08,973
- Dave.
- Yeah, you have Dave.
121
00:05:08,997 --> 00:05:10,530
- He's a good friend.
- Yeah.
122
00:05:10,565 --> 00:05:12,376
Yeah, but didn't he just,
like, come along with Carmen?
123
00:05:12,400 --> 00:05:15,468
Like, buy this now and get this
furry little rascal for free?
124
00:05:15,504 --> 00:05:17,670
And G... Gabe.
125
00:05:17,705 --> 00:05:19,972
Well, he's... he's your brother,
126
00:05:20,008 --> 00:05:21,852
- so that's different.
- And a friend. Very good friend.
127
00:05:23,210 --> 00:05:24,877
Now there's Nathan.
128
00:05:24,912 --> 00:05:28,380
Um, so, the baby doc
appointment is Tuesday, right?
129
00:05:28,415 --> 00:05:29,481
Yeah, the ninth.
130
00:05:29,517 --> 00:05:30,650
- What, the ninth?
- Yeah.
131
00:05:30,685 --> 00:05:31,862
- T... today is the ninth.
- Shit.
132
00:05:31,886 --> 00:05:33,252
Yeah, how is it Tuesday already?
133
00:05:33,287 --> 00:05:34,932
- We got to get going, guys. Come on.
- Yeah.
134
00:05:36,357 --> 00:05:37,722
It's Helen Wilberg.
135
00:05:39,026 --> 00:05:40,526
Hello, Helen.
136
00:05:40,561 --> 00:05:43,595
No, we're s... We're definitely
still interested, so...
137
00:05:45,399 --> 00:05:47,666
Okay. Well, thank you for the heads-up.
138
00:05:47,701 --> 00:05:49,234
We... We will. Great.
139
00:05:49,270 --> 00:05:50,902
Shit.
140
00:05:50,937 --> 00:05:52,937
- That is not optimal.
- What?
141
00:05:52,973 --> 00:05:55,073
Somebody put a full-price
offer on this house.
142
00:05:55,108 --> 00:05:57,075
She's gonna do us a landlord solid
143
00:05:57,110 --> 00:05:58,910
and give us 72 hours to match it.
144
00:05:58,945 --> 00:06:00,912
Looks like the Hawthorne
Heights decision window
145
00:06:00,947 --> 00:06:03,815
- just got a whole lot smaller.
- Mm.
146
00:06:03,850 --> 00:06:05,216
Yeah.
147
00:06:05,251 --> 00:06:06,663
Could this morning
be any more stressful?
148
00:06:06,687 --> 00:06:07,687
Dude!
149
00:06:07,688 --> 00:06:08,853
Ooh, don't say that.
150
00:06:08,889 --> 00:06:10,421
Guys, that's not a thing.
151
00:06:10,456 --> 00:06:11,989
I didn't just "hex" us.
152
00:06:12,024 --> 00:06:14,258
- I'm having what?!
- Calm down.
153
00:06:14,294 --> 00:06:15,759
They're twins, normal human girls,
154
00:06:15,795 --> 00:06:17,595
not aliens or devil children.
155
00:06:17,630 --> 00:06:19,197
You said you wanted two kids, right?
156
00:06:19,232 --> 00:06:20,609
So you knocked 'em out with one swing.
157
00:06:20,633 --> 00:06:21,765
Yeah, I did.
158
00:06:21,801 --> 00:06:24,101
A month ago, there was just one.
159
00:06:24,136 --> 00:06:26,170
Check again. Check again!
160
00:06:26,205 --> 00:06:27,571
Little sister was hiding.
161
00:06:27,606 --> 00:06:29,339
Give her the weird ancestor name.
162
00:06:29,374 --> 00:06:30,607
Vengeance is yours.
163
00:06:30,642 --> 00:06:32,042
Huh.
164
00:06:32,078 --> 00:06:34,377
Oh, God.
165
00:06:34,413 --> 00:06:35,579
Are you okay?
166
00:06:35,614 --> 00:06:37,314
Oh, I mean, come on.
167
00:06:37,349 --> 00:06:40,050
I'm sorry. It's just...
168
00:06:40,086 --> 00:06:42,219
I mean, God damn it.
169
00:06:42,254 --> 00:06:45,455
There's too much estrogen
in this room, I guess.
170
00:06:45,490 --> 00:06:48,057
I know feelings are hard.
171
00:06:48,093 --> 00:06:50,627
So would it help to
clumsily explain things
172
00:06:50,662 --> 00:06:52,895
that we already know in this room?
173
00:06:52,931 --> 00:06:55,732
No. It's unbelievable.
174
00:06:55,767 --> 00:06:58,835
You know that fetuses require estrogen?
175
00:06:58,870 --> 00:07:00,837
To grow. Whether they're male or female.
176
00:07:00,872 --> 00:07:03,106
In fact, twins require
not two times as much,
177
00:07:03,141 --> 00:07:04,874
but three times as much.
178
00:07:04,909 --> 00:07:06,709
Thanks, Jack.
179
00:07:06,745 --> 00:07:08,044
Sure.
180
00:07:08,079 --> 00:07:10,046
There it is.
181
00:07:15,419 --> 00:07:16,963
Carm, you know I'd
love to watch the girls,
182
00:07:16,987 --> 00:07:20,055
- but, um, the doc said I have bed rest.
- "Bed rest"?
183
00:07:20,090 --> 00:07:22,057
I didn't hear her say "bed rest."
184
00:07:22,092 --> 00:07:24,993
Ooh, you better sharpen up
your lying skills there, Em.
185
00:07:25,028 --> 00:07:26,595
It's a vital part of parenting.
186
00:07:26,631 --> 00:07:29,231
- My God, you're having twins!
- Yeah, I heard.
187
00:07:29,267 --> 00:07:33,301
Hey, you know what's a perfect
training for raising two girls?
188
00:07:33,336 --> 00:07:34,569
Two girls.
189
00:07:34,604 --> 00:07:36,304
Carm, I seriously wanna help, I do,
190
00:07:36,339 --> 00:07:37,984
but if I want to nail
this interview tonight,
191
00:07:38,008 --> 00:07:39,318
I gotta prep like crazy, and, you know,
192
00:07:39,342 --> 00:07:40,809
you are the one who said,
193
00:07:40,844 --> 00:07:42,811
"Can't work at home with kids," so...
194
00:07:42,846 --> 00:07:45,180
Wait, you're still doing that
after what the doctor said?
195
00:07:45,515 --> 00:07:48,783
Remember? With your history
and your advanced ag...
196
00:07:48,818 --> 00:07:52,019
Based mostly on your history,
197
00:07:52,054 --> 00:07:54,389
we need to be careful, right?
198
00:07:54,424 --> 00:07:55,701
Carmen, would you like a coffee?
199
00:07:55,725 --> 00:07:57,191
- I would love one.
- Great.
200
00:07:57,226 --> 00:07:59,026
But let's just take a
beat to get real, okay?
201
00:07:59,061 --> 00:08:01,663
Because, right now, we wouldn't
qualify for a bicycle loan.
202
00:08:01,698 --> 00:08:03,442
And you know what's more
expensive than one kid?
203
00:08:03,466 --> 00:08:06,066
- Let me guess: Two kids?
- Yeah.
204
00:08:06,102 --> 00:08:08,602
So unless Mr. Academia or Ms. Nonprofit
205
00:08:08,637 --> 00:08:09,837
have any other ideas...
206
00:08:09,872 --> 00:08:11,438
Uh, hey, sorry.
207
00:08:11,473 --> 00:08:13,485
Did I black out and we voted
to buy this place and...
208
00:08:14,877 --> 00:08:16,376
Poly foul. No voting.
209
00:08:16,412 --> 00:08:17,778
Reinforces couples privilege.
210
00:08:17,814 --> 00:08:18,991
- She does that now?
- She does.
211
00:08:19,015 --> 00:08:20,114
It's super fun.
212
00:08:20,149 --> 00:08:21,948
Poly foul!
213
00:08:21,983 --> 00:08:23,950
Oh, you see? They listen.
214
00:08:23,985 --> 00:08:25,819
They're good sounding boards.
215
00:08:26,134 --> 00:08:29,435
So, Em, did we decide to buy
this place and I missed it?
216
00:08:29,471 --> 00:08:30,615
What happened to, um, you know
217
00:08:30,639 --> 00:08:32,405
"It's good for now.
218
00:08:32,440 --> 00:08:34,452
Buys us time to see
if you really hate it
219
00:08:34,476 --> 00:08:35,620
or really, really hate it here."
220
00:08:35,644 --> 00:08:37,243
Is that... Is that me or him?
221
00:08:37,278 --> 00:08:39,156
- I can't tell.
- Yeah, it's a terrible impression.
222
00:08:39,180 --> 00:08:41,192
- Oh, it's...
- You got to work on your skills.
223
00:08:41,216 --> 00:08:43,749
It's EmJack. It's a composite.
224
00:08:43,784 --> 00:08:45,351
Okay, well, listen,
225
00:08:45,386 --> 00:08:47,820
we'll talk Hawthorne Heights
pros and cons tonight, okay?
226
00:08:47,855 --> 00:08:49,688
- That sounds like so much fun.
- Yeah.
227
00:08:49,724 --> 00:08:50,789
You should come, Carm.
228
00:08:50,825 --> 00:08:52,925
- Mnh-mnh.
- Bye, babe.
229
00:08:54,762 --> 00:08:56,829
Will you at least take a nap?
230
00:08:56,864 --> 00:08:58,664
No.
231
00:08:58,699 --> 00:09:00,532
Not tired.
232
00:09:00,567 --> 00:09:04,402
Well, I'm just gonna
put this in a travel mug
233
00:09:04,438 --> 00:09:06,839
'cause I need the caffeine
on my way to work, and...
234
00:09:06,874 --> 00:09:08,641
Okay, Carm, I can't take the guilt.
235
00:09:08,676 --> 00:09:10,575
Just please sedate them
236
00:09:10,611 --> 00:09:13,145
and tell them not to shit
or talk till you get back.
237
00:09:13,180 --> 00:09:15,947
Nah, I'll exploit an intern.
238
00:09:15,982 --> 00:09:18,383
But you damn well better knock
it out of the park tonight.
239
00:09:18,418 --> 00:09:20,385
Oh. Come here.
240
00:09:20,420 --> 00:09:21,853
Oh, my God, tell me something
241
00:09:21,888 --> 00:09:23,488
so I feel a little less crazy.
242
00:09:23,524 --> 00:09:26,324
Hmm. Well, work has been
insane, I'm still waiting to hear
243
00:09:26,360 --> 00:09:28,004
about The Portland
Byline Award nomination,
244
00:09:28,028 --> 00:09:31,162
which I damn well better get
because it's a circle jerk
245
00:09:31,197 --> 00:09:33,064
with a million
hyper-specific categories,
246
00:09:33,099 --> 00:09:35,499
and so everybody, including
the plumber, gets a nomination,
247
00:09:35,535 --> 00:09:36,834
and, oh...
248
00:09:36,870 --> 00:09:38,580
and I hate my husband.
Do you wanna know why?
249
00:09:38,604 --> 00:09:40,138
Because it took him like two minutes
250
00:09:40,173 --> 00:09:41,851
to sell a socially
significant children's book
251
00:09:41,875 --> 00:09:44,008
while already basking in
sexist and hyperbolic acclaim
252
00:09:44,044 --> 00:09:45,086
for tending to his own children?
253
00:09:45,110 --> 00:09:46,410
Or for selling said book
254
00:09:46,445 --> 00:09:47,756
when you're the writer in the family,
255
00:09:47,780 --> 00:09:49,158
then going on a cushy West Coast tour
256
00:09:49,182 --> 00:09:51,382
while you slowly spiral into madness?
257
00:09:51,417 --> 00:09:53,217
What kind of witch are you?
258
00:09:53,252 --> 00:09:54,596
The kind who's a really good listener
259
00:09:54,620 --> 00:09:55,919
and loves your scrambled eggs
260
00:09:55,954 --> 00:09:57,888
with smoked salmon and cream cheese?
261
00:09:57,923 --> 00:10:00,891
Pwease, will you make you some?
262
00:10:01,760 --> 00:10:04,394
Did you just try to baby
talk me into cooking for you?
263
00:10:04,429 --> 00:10:06,563
Did it wook?
264
00:10:06,598 --> 00:10:07,764
If you weren't pregnant...
265
00:10:07,800 --> 00:10:09,399
Marry me!
266
00:10:09,434 --> 00:10:11,802
Stop proposing to
everybody who's nice to you.
267
00:10:11,837 --> 00:10:13,770
You're not wrong.
268
00:10:13,806 --> 00:10:17,707
Sorry. One more time.
269
00:10:23,781 --> 00:10:26,649
Oh, man, and this... this happened
270
00:10:26,685 --> 00:10:29,419
right after you found
out you have three days
271
00:10:29,454 --> 00:10:30,820
to decide on Hawthorne Heights?
272
00:10:30,855 --> 00:10:32,088
Okay, give me the picture,
273
00:10:32,123 --> 00:10:33,756
or else it's a double titty twister.
274
00:10:33,791 --> 00:10:36,458
No. Whatever. You're never gonna
find my nipples in this bra.
275
00:10:36,493 --> 00:10:38,194
Anyway, I've got a session.
276
00:10:38,229 --> 00:10:39,294
You wrecked it.
277
00:10:39,330 --> 00:10:41,263
Wow. "I've got a session."
278
00:10:41,298 --> 00:10:43,298
I never thought I'd
actually be saying that
279
00:10:43,334 --> 00:10:45,101
as the therapist and not the patient.
280
00:10:45,136 --> 00:10:46,168
Like...
281
00:10:46,204 --> 00:10:48,470
Are you okay?
282
00:10:48,505 --> 00:10:49,972
Yeah. Yeah, yeah, I'm good.
283
00:10:50,007 --> 00:10:51,651
Definitely no mirror behind the bar.
284
00:10:51,675 --> 00:10:53,642
- Well, you're the boss, boss.
- Yeah.
285
00:10:53,677 --> 00:10:54,954
This is that place where you come
286
00:10:54,978 --> 00:10:56,545
to get away from that shit, you know?
287
00:10:56,580 --> 00:10:59,013
They leave their insecurities,
their hang-ups at the door.
288
00:10:59,049 --> 00:11:00,393
No mirrors in the bathrooms, either.
289
00:11:00,417 --> 00:11:01,950
- What?
- Can I get an amen, people?
290
00:11:01,985 --> 00:11:03,818
- No.
- Mm, no mirrors means your demo
291
00:11:03,854 --> 00:11:05,587
is uggos hiding from
their own reflections,
292
00:11:05,623 --> 00:11:07,856
and even uggos don't
wanna look at other uggos,
293
00:11:07,891 --> 00:11:10,524
so assuming you wanna stay
open for more than five minutes?
294
00:11:10,560 --> 00:11:12,293
There will be mirrors, ma babe.
295
00:11:12,328 --> 00:11:13,594
There'll be mirrors, ma babe.
296
00:11:13,630 --> 00:11:16,798
Aww. After the insensitive word
salad, you called him "ma babe."
297
00:11:16,833 --> 00:11:17,966
- I did.
- Hi.
298
00:11:18,001 --> 00:11:20,101
- Mm!
- This guy, eh?
299
00:11:20,137 --> 00:11:22,137
Entrepreneurship's brought out his BDE.
300
00:11:22,172 --> 00:11:23,271
- Dad, don't.
- His Big...
301
00:11:23,306 --> 00:11:25,172
- Don't say that.
- Big Dorky Energy.
302
00:11:25,207 --> 00:11:26,807
That's not what it stands for.
303
00:11:26,842 --> 00:11:28,687
Mm, this guy could have
a whole bouquet of dicks,
304
00:11:28,711 --> 00:11:30,278
and he'd still be my slave, so...
305
00:11:30,313 --> 00:11:32,747
Dicks.
306
00:11:32,782 --> 00:11:35,015
- Later, bitches.
- Okay.
307
00:11:37,520 --> 00:11:38,597
C'mon, puppy. You're driving me.
308
00:11:38,621 --> 00:11:39,720
- Don't fall for that.
- No.
309
00:11:39,756 --> 00:11:41,521
If you start falling for that now,
310
00:11:41,556 --> 00:11:43,168
- you're never gonna get out of it.
- Dude, dude, dude! Do...
311
00:11:43,192 --> 00:11:44,402
And you're gonna be
driving her for years.
312
00:11:44,426 --> 00:11:45,426
Okay.
313
00:11:45,427 --> 00:11:47,127
Suck it, Silvas!
314
00:11:48,964 --> 00:11:51,498
Okay, th... that is disturbing.
315
00:11:51,533 --> 00:11:53,733
- You get used to it.
- I need a coffee.
316
00:11:55,237 --> 00:11:57,437
So, what's the 411, kiddo?
317
00:11:57,472 --> 00:11:59,706
You seem distracted.
318
00:11:59,741 --> 00:12:02,709
Directions put me on
part time... budget cuts.
319
00:12:02,744 --> 00:12:05,378
And now, with two kids on the way
320
00:12:05,414 --> 00:12:08,748
and Emma still looking
for a job, it's...
321
00:12:08,784 --> 00:12:10,883
Whatever.
322
00:12:10,919 --> 00:12:12,251
Tell me.
323
00:12:12,287 --> 00:12:13,920
I get it.
324
00:12:13,955 --> 00:12:17,223
It makes perfect sense
to buy the Wilberg house
325
00:12:17,258 --> 00:12:19,591
and raise the girls there.
326
00:12:19,627 --> 00:12:21,493
But...
327
00:12:21,529 --> 00:12:23,729
it kind of feels like we're
just circling back around
328
00:12:23,764 --> 00:12:25,564
to living their life instead of mine.
329
00:12:25,599 --> 00:12:27,900
- Right?
- What's the alternative?
330
00:12:27,936 --> 00:12:29,935
Some weird, woodsy poly-commune?
331
00:12:29,970 --> 00:12:31,269
Hmm?
332
00:12:31,305 --> 00:12:32,683
Dragging them off to another suburb
333
00:12:32,707 --> 00:12:34,072
just to prove that you can?
334
00:12:34,107 --> 00:12:35,619
You know, I miss you
walking on eggshells,
335
00:12:35,643 --> 00:12:39,044
- trying to win me over.
- Iz.
336
00:12:39,079 --> 00:12:40,879
It's not just their house.
337
00:12:40,914 --> 00:12:43,081
That's their home, right?
338
00:12:43,116 --> 00:12:45,050
With their best friends
living across the street
339
00:12:45,085 --> 00:12:46,484
and their two little girls.
340
00:12:46,519 --> 00:12:47,919
They built a good life there,
341
00:12:47,955 --> 00:12:51,089
where everybody knows your name.
342
00:12:51,124 --> 00:12:52,324
What's happening?
343
00:12:52,359 --> 00:12:53,458
"Cheers."
344
00:12:54,328 --> 00:12:55,593
Okay.
345
00:12:55,628 --> 00:12:57,963
No. Right. Okay.
346
00:12:57,998 --> 00:12:59,331
Answer me this:
347
00:12:59,366 --> 00:13:00,966
Are you still in love with them?
348
00:13:01,001 --> 00:13:02,667
More than ever.
349
00:13:02,702 --> 00:13:06,604
Then you need to figure a
way to love their life, too.
350
00:13:07,774 --> 00:13:09,340
Mm.
351
00:13:09,376 --> 00:13:11,542
Are you trying to
mike-drop me right now?
352
00:13:11,578 --> 00:13:13,711
Mm.
353
00:13:13,747 --> 00:13:15,913
So amazing.
354
00:13:15,948 --> 00:13:17,882
Um... hold on.
355
00:13:17,917 --> 00:13:19,250
I'm just looking for a pen.
356
00:13:19,285 --> 00:13:21,551
God, I buy twenty, and they disappear.
357
00:13:21,587 --> 00:13:23,820
I think we have a ghost.
358
00:13:23,856 --> 00:13:25,622
Or there's nothing supernatural afoot,
359
00:13:25,657 --> 00:13:28,759
and I just have a weird habit
of storing pens all over my body.
360
00:13:31,597 --> 00:13:33,563
Hello? You still there?
361
00:13:33,599 --> 00:13:34,999
Fuck!
362
00:13:35,034 --> 00:13:37,066
I'm sorry.
363
00:13:37,102 --> 00:13:38,435
I'm sorry, guys.
364
00:13:46,745 --> 00:13:47,811
Hey!
365
00:13:47,846 --> 00:13:49,613
Good morning, darling.
366
00:13:49,648 --> 00:13:51,548
- Busy day at work?
- Well...
367
00:13:51,583 --> 00:13:53,283
You look a little, uh...
368
00:13:53,318 --> 00:13:54,884
gorgeous.
369
00:13:54,920 --> 00:13:56,630
That's the word I was
gonna say... "gorgeous."
370
00:13:56,654 --> 00:13:58,521
I look a little gorgeous.
371
00:13:58,556 --> 00:13:59,622
- Yeah.
- Thanks?
372
00:13:59,657 --> 00:14:01,057
- Oh.
- Um, you try, you know...
373
00:14:01,092 --> 00:14:02,926
Honey, they got me this French press.
374
00:14:02,961 --> 00:14:04,605
It's great. It is, like, some
of the best coffee I ever had.
375
00:14:04,629 --> 00:14:06,095
And check this out, huh? Look.
376
00:14:06,131 --> 00:14:08,097
Can you see this? Can you see that?
377
00:14:08,133 --> 00:14:10,666
That's a... That's a...
an Edible Arrangement.
378
00:14:10,701 --> 00:14:12,813
Looks like a little pineapple
in the shape of flowers.
379
00:14:12,837 --> 00:14:14,236
You ever seen that?
380
00:14:14,271 --> 00:14:15,604
I'm gonna go crazy on that thing.
381
00:14:15,640 --> 00:14:17,072
Uh, why fruit?
382
00:14:17,107 --> 00:14:19,241
Did you tell them that
travel constipates you?
383
00:14:19,276 --> 00:14:21,510
You don't have to tell
everybody everything, David.
384
00:14:21,546 --> 00:14:23,155
Hey, are you mad at me?
I feel like I'm sensing
385
00:14:23,156 --> 00:14:24,736
- that you're a little...
- Mad? Why would I be mad?
386
00:14:24,740 --> 00:14:26,450
- I... I should be proud.
- Should be proud.
387
00:14:26,455 --> 00:14:27,470
So you're saying you're not...
388
00:14:27,475 --> 00:14:29,963
- you're not proud of me?
- Uh, so, where are you now? Like, what city?
389
00:14:29,987 --> 00:14:31,853
Uh, I am in...
390
00:14:31,888 --> 00:14:33,655
Oh, boy, I can't even keep track.
391
00:14:33,690 --> 00:14:34,990
Oh, Sacramento.
392
00:14:35,025 --> 00:14:36,624
Jesus. Man, I'm like a rock star,
393
00:14:36,660 --> 00:14:37,837
just moving around the country.
394
00:14:37,861 --> 00:14:39,627
"Good morning, Sacramento!"
395
00:14:41,197 --> 00:14:42,197
_
396
00:14:42,231 --> 00:14:44,165
What else is going on?
Where are the girls?
397
00:14:44,200 --> 00:14:46,400
Uh, I locked them in a supply closet.
398
00:14:46,436 --> 00:14:48,235
Oh, good, good. That's good.
399
00:14:48,271 --> 00:14:50,304
Closet's good. There's
a lot of space, probably.
400
00:14:50,340 --> 00:14:51,706
- _
- It's big. There's a window.
401
00:14:51,741 --> 00:14:53,274
Oh, perfect. That's all they need.
402
00:14:53,309 --> 00:14:55,109
- _
- They're like plants.
403
00:14:55,144 --> 00:14:56,511
- _
- I miss you.
404
00:14:56,546 --> 00:14:58,045
- _
- Um, it's been great.
405
00:14:58,081 --> 00:14:59,880
Tell you, it's a little
stressful, though,
406
00:14:59,915 --> 00:15:02,027
'cause they keep asking about
Books Two and Three, you know?
407
00:15:02,051 --> 00:15:03,862
I keep trying to give off
the impression that I'm, like,
408
00:15:03,886 --> 00:15:06,720
this genius full of ideas, but
I'm mysterious and enigmatic.
409
00:15:06,755 --> 00:15:08,289
J.D. Salinger.
410
00:15:08,324 --> 00:15:09,868
Don't know how long I can pull that off.
411
00:15:09,892 --> 00:15:11,993
I mean, I came up with
the first book idea
412
00:15:12,028 --> 00:15:13,505
when I was watching
a "Fluppies" marathon,
413
00:15:13,529 --> 00:15:15,629
hammered on rosé.
414
00:15:15,664 --> 00:15:17,976
- So maybe I should re-create that whole type of magic.
- Ha ha ha ha!
415
00:15:18,000 --> 00:15:19,533
That's a funny story, babe.
416
00:15:19,568 --> 00:15:21,167
Is it breaking up on your end, too?
417
00:15:21,203 --> 00:15:23,370
Uh, no. You're coming in perfectly.
418
00:15:23,405 --> 00:15:25,071
Free... zing.
419
00:15:25,107 --> 00:15:27,440
Can't... hear... boop...
420
00:15:27,476 --> 00:15:30,878
- Uh...
- Honey, you're... you're clearly faking.
421
00:15:30,913 --> 00:15:33,079
I just saw Scotty wave at me.
422
00:15:48,796 --> 00:15:49,962
Hello, Amy.
423
00:15:49,998 --> 00:15:51,898
Great.
424
00:15:51,933 --> 00:15:54,567
I sound like I'm gonna wash her
liver down with a good Chianti.
425
00:15:56,437 --> 00:15:58,938
Oh, sweet Jesus.
426
00:15:58,973 --> 00:16:00,339
Babe, where to start?
427
00:16:00,374 --> 00:16:01,741
Oh, my God.
428
00:16:01,776 --> 00:16:04,609
Is it the flannel or
the jacket or the boots?
429
00:16:04,645 --> 00:16:08,547
Yes, yes, yes, yes, and hard yes.
430
00:16:08,582 --> 00:16:10,782
You were Nathan's mentor, okay?
431
00:16:10,817 --> 00:16:12,717
That dynamic never really changes.
432
00:16:12,753 --> 00:16:14,131
What about you? You nervous?
433
00:16:14,155 --> 00:16:15,754
Ain't no thing.
434
00:16:15,789 --> 00:16:17,734
Just need to correctly
pronounce French menu items
435
00:16:17,758 --> 00:16:20,259
while trying to decide whether
I let her know I'm pregnant
436
00:16:20,294 --> 00:16:22,371
or let her think it's a bière bell-ey.
437
00:16:22,395 --> 00:16:23,862
- Mm, when you go all French.
- Yeah?
438
00:16:23,897 --> 00:16:25,030
- Yeah.
- Yay!
439
00:16:25,065 --> 00:16:26,364
You're open for business again?
440
00:16:26,399 --> 00:16:28,900
Wow. We will talk about that later.
441
00:16:28,936 --> 00:16:31,113
I'm open for selfless service
to relax me before my interview.
442
00:16:31,137 --> 00:16:32,771
Uh, pass, but I have a gift.
443
00:16:32,806 --> 00:16:35,106
- Aww.
- It's symbolic.
444
00:16:35,141 --> 00:16:38,809
Pumpkin spice. The official
shit candle of Hawthorne Heights.
445
00:16:38,844 --> 00:16:40,322
- Oh, that's the good stuff.
- Starting to get
446
00:16:40,346 --> 00:16:42,180
the human feces pumpkin
spice connection.
447
00:16:42,215 --> 00:16:43,581
- Pregnancy.
- Okay.
448
00:16:43,616 --> 00:16:45,583
Over the next few days,
449
00:16:45,618 --> 00:16:48,786
I'm going to sincerely
try to shed my prejudices
450
00:16:48,821 --> 00:16:50,421
and love the 'burbs.
451
00:16:50,457 --> 00:16:52,435
- Like, totally buy the T-shirt.
- Mm, there really is a...
452
00:16:52,459 --> 00:16:55,325
I'm not gonna buy the
T-shirt, Jack, but, um,
453
00:16:55,360 --> 00:16:57,628
I'm gonna get a real
job with a real salary
454
00:16:57,663 --> 00:17:00,598
so I can help us get
the loan for the house.
455
00:17:00,633 --> 00:17:02,800
- Isabelle Silva, you are...
- Wait, wait, wait.
456
00:17:02,835 --> 00:17:04,568
There's more. Sit.
457
00:17:07,339 --> 00:17:08,639
Drum roll, please!
458
00:17:11,042 --> 00:17:13,343
Okay. Stop.
459
00:17:13,378 --> 00:17:15,945
There's a gas leak, and I'm
the only one with a mask.
460
00:17:15,981 --> 00:17:17,581
Okay, here it is:
461
00:17:17,616 --> 00:17:19,782
It is almost the one-year anniversary
462
00:17:19,818 --> 00:17:22,452
of the day I showed up at
your front door like a weirdo,
463
00:17:22,488 --> 00:17:27,189
so I'm planning my first
bougie suburban blowout!
464
00:17:27,225 --> 00:17:28,958
Ha! A night to forget,
465
00:17:28,994 --> 00:17:30,326
assuming I get properly wasted,
466
00:17:30,361 --> 00:17:32,829
which I can pretty much guarantee.
467
00:17:33,965 --> 00:17:36,633
Come here.
468
00:17:36,668 --> 00:17:37,967
What's got you all frisky?
469
00:17:38,003 --> 00:17:39,669
- You, making an effort.
- I am.
470
00:17:39,704 --> 00:17:40,915
- Mm-hmm. - Yeah,
when I want some,
471
00:17:40,939 --> 00:17:41,971
I clean the kitchen.
472
00:17:42,007 --> 00:17:43,007
- Oh, really?
- Oh, yeah.
473
00:17:43,008 --> 00:17:44,340
- So hot.
- Is it?
474
00:17:44,375 --> 00:17:46,308
So sexy.
475
00:17:46,344 --> 00:17:47,654
Let's relax before your interview.
476
00:17:47,678 --> 00:17:48,777
Mm!
477
00:17:50,181 --> 00:17:51,913
Mm. Mm.
478
00:17:51,949 --> 00:17:54,094
- I can't. Seriously, I can't.
- No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
479
00:17:54,118 --> 00:17:55,817
I have to leave in like 10 minutes.
480
00:17:55,853 --> 00:17:57,697
I know that sounds like the
dog ate my libido, but...
481
00:17:57,721 --> 00:17:59,688
- No, no, it's fine.
- Yeah, we're good.
482
00:17:59,723 --> 00:18:01,123
- Whenever you're ready.
- No.
483
00:18:01,158 --> 00:18:03,125
No, I am gonna walk out that door,
484
00:18:03,160 --> 00:18:04,960
and you two are gonna do the nasty.
485
00:18:06,229 --> 00:18:07,763
But, seriously, get weird
486
00:18:07,798 --> 00:18:10,699
because only having sex
in threes is a poly foul!
487
00:18:10,734 --> 00:18:11,945
She's still doing that.
488
00:18:13,503 --> 00:18:15,148
It was never gonna
happen, but then she did...
489
00:18:15,172 --> 00:18:17,805
Yeah, she totally ruined it
with that hand-gesture thing.
490
00:18:17,840 --> 00:18:19,174
- Later.
- Yeah.
491
00:18:19,209 --> 00:18:21,376
So, going out with one
of my many male friends.
492
00:18:21,411 --> 00:18:23,511
Gonna have some beezos with ma brah.
493
00:18:23,547 --> 00:18:26,214
Oh, hey, um, P.S... No one says that.
494
00:18:26,249 --> 00:18:27,815
So just... just don't.
495
00:18:27,850 --> 00:18:32,019
Also, if you plan on having
sex with me ever again,
496
00:18:32,055 --> 00:18:35,890
you need to take off
these clothes... now.
497
00:18:35,925 --> 00:18:37,424
- What's wrong with this?
- _
498
00:18:37,459 --> 00:18:39,760
I care. I care.
499
00:18:52,575 --> 00:18:56,243
Well, turns out there
really is a Pinot Grigio bar
500
00:18:56,278 --> 00:18:58,378
that serves nothing but Pinot Grigio.
501
00:18:58,414 --> 00:19:00,480
I did not know that.
502
00:19:00,516 --> 00:19:03,383
Um, I mean, it is called "Grigio."
503
00:19:03,419 --> 00:19:06,086
Yeah, I just thought it was Mexican.
504
00:19:06,121 --> 00:19:08,487
You know, um, I was...
505
00:19:08,523 --> 00:19:11,424
I was drunk most of the
summer after Jess left
506
00:19:11,459 --> 00:19:14,327
and then gave up all booze except white
507
00:19:14,362 --> 00:19:17,697
because what man really
wants to binge white wine?
508
00:19:17,733 --> 00:19:19,532
Yeah, or drink it at all.
509
00:19:21,937 --> 00:19:23,536
Uh, I'm just messing with you.
510
00:19:23,571 --> 00:19:25,104
- That's it.
- All right, man.
511
00:19:25,139 --> 00:19:27,206
You know, divorce laid me out, man.
512
00:19:27,242 --> 00:19:29,642
Um, but now I'm getting my act together,
513
00:19:29,677 --> 00:19:31,043
really taking the wheel.
514
00:19:31,078 --> 00:19:32,389
That was one of the books I read.
515
00:19:32,413 --> 00:19:33,490
"Take the Wheel!!!"
516
00:19:33,514 --> 00:19:34,880
Ooh.
517
00:19:34,915 --> 00:19:37,550
Do you have to yell it?
518
00:19:37,585 --> 00:19:40,152
Well, it's got three
exclamation points, so...
519
00:19:40,187 --> 00:19:41,887
- Makes sense.
- Yeah.
520
00:19:41,922 --> 00:19:43,789
Anything else you had to give up?
521
00:19:43,824 --> 00:19:45,590
Uh, yeah, actually.
522
00:19:45,626 --> 00:19:48,593
Uh, uh, red meat,
then meat of every hue.
523
00:19:48,629 --> 00:19:51,730
Uh, carbs, sugar, weed, television.
524
00:19:51,766 --> 00:19:54,733
Replaced that all with gallons of water,
525
00:19:54,769 --> 00:19:56,200
at least an hour of cardio a day,
526
00:19:56,236 --> 00:19:57,802
meditation, deep breathing...
527
00:19:57,837 --> 00:20:00,805
Jesus. So much self-flagellation.
528
00:20:00,840 --> 00:20:04,376
You know, um, I got nuked.
529
00:20:04,411 --> 00:20:08,647
And, uh, it was the opposite of mutual.
530
00:20:08,682 --> 00:20:13,117
So I won't be offended
531
00:20:13,153 --> 00:20:16,553
if you find someone
else for ManFest 2019.
532
00:20:18,191 --> 00:20:22,459
You know, my dad was
a man among men, right?
533
00:20:22,495 --> 00:20:24,728
He just really knew how to hang. He...
534
00:20:24,764 --> 00:20:26,330
Whenever his posse came over
535
00:20:26,365 --> 00:20:28,999
for a basketball game
or something, he was...
536
00:20:29,034 --> 00:20:30,512
You could just tell he was the top dawg.
537
00:20:30,536 --> 00:20:31,835
You know, like everywhere he was
538
00:20:31,870 --> 00:20:33,537
was the center of the room.
539
00:20:33,572 --> 00:20:36,540
That's, uh... great?
540
00:20:36,575 --> 00:20:38,208
I'm sorry.
541
00:20:38,243 --> 00:20:40,877
I've just been thinking
a lot about my dad lately
542
00:20:40,913 --> 00:20:42,346
since I'm about to be one.
543
00:20:42,381 --> 00:20:44,581
- Right. Yeah.
- Mm.
544
00:20:44,617 --> 00:20:46,216
Maybe we can help each other.
545
00:20:46,251 --> 00:20:48,418
Okay, yeah.
546
00:20:48,453 --> 00:20:50,120
- Cheers.
- Cheers.
547
00:20:50,155 --> 00:20:51,888
To manhood.
548
00:20:53,292 --> 00:20:54,457
Yes!
549
00:20:54,492 --> 00:20:56,927
Ah-ha, the burn! Mm!
550
00:20:56,962 --> 00:20:59,196
That's some wicked fucking
Greezhe right there.
551
00:20:59,231 --> 00:21:01,864
Yeah, you're, uh,
ahem, not supposed to...
552
00:21:01,899 --> 00:21:03,678
You know what's even better
than a white-wine bar?
553
00:21:03,702 --> 00:21:05,568
- Hmm?
- Absolutely everything.
554
00:21:05,603 --> 00:21:07,002
Okay.
555
00:21:07,038 --> 00:21:09,505
But especially a bar
that hasn't opened yet.
556
00:21:09,541 --> 00:21:10,541
Okay.
557
00:21:10,542 --> 00:21:11,774
Yeah, I know a place.
558
00:21:11,810 --> 00:21:13,020
I think one of my wives is there.
559
00:21:13,044 --> 00:21:16,078
Wait. What?
560
00:21:17,248 --> 00:21:19,348
Emma, your qualifications
are impeccable.
561
00:21:19,383 --> 00:21:21,083
Your references gave glowing reports,
562
00:21:21,118 --> 00:21:22,784
with the exception of Dani Monro,
563
00:21:22,820 --> 00:21:24,097
who called you a traitorous pervert,
564
00:21:24,121 --> 00:21:26,055
but she says that about everybody.
565
00:21:26,090 --> 00:21:28,757
Your portfolio speaks for itself.
566
00:21:28,792 --> 00:21:31,593
However, I am left wondering one thing.
567
00:21:31,628 --> 00:21:35,764
How I managed to kick this much
professional butt in 27 short years?
568
00:21:35,799 --> 00:21:38,633
S... sorry. I, um... I got
a little over my skis there.
569
00:21:38,669 --> 00:21:40,268
Um, I'm really nervous.
570
00:21:40,303 --> 00:21:42,604
- Sure.
- I'm not really 27.
571
00:21:42,639 --> 00:21:44,339
Gasp. Astonishment.
572
00:21:44,375 --> 00:21:45,507
What? No way.
573
00:21:46,943 --> 00:21:50,979
So, just tell me about
your work-life balance.
574
00:21:53,383 --> 00:21:55,483
Come on, Amy. I get it. I get it.
575
00:21:55,518 --> 00:21:58,086
You're hesitant to hire
anyone who's in the family way
576
00:21:58,121 --> 00:21:59,620
for such a high-level position.
577
00:21:59,655 --> 00:22:01,433
You know, can't risk me
bailing six months in.
578
00:22:01,457 --> 00:22:03,624
But, um, well, once I have the girls...
579
00:22:03,659 --> 00:22:05,459
- What's that?
- Huh?
580
00:22:05,495 --> 00:22:06,794
You said "girls." Plural.
581
00:22:06,829 --> 00:22:09,663
Shit. Uh...
582
00:22:09,699 --> 00:22:11,265
I'm having twins.
583
00:22:11,300 --> 00:22:12,332
Oh.
584
00:22:12,368 --> 00:22:13,768
Yeah, but Jack and Izzy...
585
00:22:13,803 --> 00:22:15,669
Wait. Izzy? You already have a kid?
586
00:22:18,875 --> 00:22:20,775
Hello?
587
00:22:20,810 --> 00:22:22,843
Sorry. I just realized
that this interview
588
00:22:22,879 --> 00:22:25,112
is gonna go a whole lot
better if I just stop talking.
589
00:22:32,788 --> 00:22:34,922
Wait a second.
590
00:22:34,957 --> 00:22:37,157
You're not at home,
alphabetizing the spice rack?
591
00:22:37,192 --> 00:22:38,303
You're here with Shaun and Nina?
592
00:22:38,327 --> 00:22:39,470
- Hey, babe.
- What a surprise.
593
00:22:39,494 --> 00:22:40,772
- What are you doing here?
- Hey.
594
00:22:40,796 --> 00:22:42,039
- Hey. Mmmm!
- Nice T-shirts, hoss.
595
00:22:42,063 --> 00:22:43,396
Going for the whole
596
00:22:43,432 --> 00:22:45,072
Douchebag-Jason-Bateman
- in- "Juno" look?
597
00:22:45,099 --> 00:22:47,199
No, this is actually...
the T-shirt-on-T-shirt look
598
00:22:47,235 --> 00:22:49,001
is back in vogue, I'll have you know.
599
00:22:49,037 --> 00:22:50,715
- Mnh.
- You shoulda seen what he was gonna wear.
600
00:22:50,739 --> 00:22:52,038
It was... It was very bad.
601
00:22:52,073 --> 00:22:54,307
So, is this... this is your new brah?
602
00:22:54,342 --> 00:22:57,876
Yeah. This is one of my
many male friends, Nathan.
603
00:22:57,912 --> 00:22:58,912
Nathan, Izzy.
604
00:22:58,913 --> 00:23:00,179
- Hello.
- Hi. Hey.
605
00:23:00,214 --> 00:23:01,647
Your hubby hired me as a counselor
606
00:23:01,682 --> 00:23:03,182
at The Hawthorne School,
607
00:23:03,217 --> 00:23:05,451
and, uh, now I'm doing his
job better than he ever did.
608
00:23:05,486 --> 00:23:06,652
- Mmmm!
- Ooh!
609
00:23:06,687 --> 00:23:08,520
Ooh! Super impressive.
610
00:23:08,556 --> 00:23:11,590
Oh, by the way, um, Carlton
from "Fresh Prince" called,
611
00:23:11,625 --> 00:23:13,692
and he wants his sweet
pink sweater back.
612
00:23:13,727 --> 00:23:15,494
Oh, well, I mean, it... it's not pink.
613
00:23:15,529 --> 00:23:17,362
It's... It's Sunset Rose,
614
00:23:17,397 --> 00:23:18,875
- and it was actually very expensive, so...
- Don't even bother.
615
00:23:18,899 --> 00:23:20,376
You'll just make it
worse with her, right?
616
00:23:20,400 --> 00:23:22,233
- Yeah.
- Yep.
617
00:23:22,269 --> 00:23:23,902
Izzy is also a shrink.
618
00:23:23,938 --> 00:23:26,037
- She works with troubled teens at Directions.
- Oh.
619
00:23:26,073 --> 00:23:28,807
Well, barely, since the
budget cuts, but, yes, I am.
620
00:23:28,843 --> 00:23:30,308
Well, I'm sorry to hear that.
621
00:23:30,344 --> 00:23:32,643
And, I mean, if you weren't
currently doing drugs,
622
00:23:32,679 --> 00:23:34,980
I would ask if you were interested
623
00:23:35,015 --> 00:23:36,714
in the fulfilling world of education.
624
00:23:36,749 --> 00:23:40,551
Mm, thanks, but you can keep
your, uh, entitled rich kids
625
00:23:40,587 --> 00:23:42,832
with their faux damage, and I
will continue saving the world
626
00:23:42,856 --> 00:23:45,357
in just 18 hours a week.
627
00:23:46,426 --> 00:23:47,658
Would you like some?
628
00:23:47,694 --> 00:23:50,227
No, I am good, thank you. I can't.
629
00:23:50,262 --> 00:23:53,731
Said every man who paid too
much for a Sunset Rose sweater.
630
00:23:53,766 --> 00:23:55,366
I can.
631
00:23:55,401 --> 00:23:56,567
Hello, old friend.
632
00:23:56,603 --> 00:23:58,736
Oh, shit! You guys made it!
633
00:23:58,771 --> 00:24:00,037
- Awesome!
- Hey!
634
00:24:00,072 --> 00:24:02,406
Hey! Drinks are on the house!
635
00:24:02,441 --> 00:24:05,409
But only 'cause I can't
legally charge you for them yet.
636
00:24:05,444 --> 00:24:08,012
Who wants shots? Yeah?
637
00:24:08,047 --> 00:24:09,313
- Oh, yeah.
- Go for it.
638
00:24:09,348 --> 00:24:10,981
Straight for the top shelf, huh?
639
00:24:11,017 --> 00:24:13,061
Nothing but the best for all
these non-paying customers.
640
00:24:13,085 --> 00:24:15,319
Good. Awesome. Have at it.
641
00:24:15,354 --> 00:24:16,487
Mm!
642
00:24:16,522 --> 00:24:17,654
Whoo-hoo-hoo!
643
00:24:17,689 --> 00:24:19,189
Big Dog's off his leash!
644
00:24:19,225 --> 00:24:20,857
Don't just stand there. Bust a move.
645
00:24:20,893 --> 00:24:22,169
Hey, check it out.
646
00:24:22,193 --> 00:24:23,359
- Shit!
- Nailed it!
647
00:24:23,395 --> 00:24:24,528
- Babe, put it down.
- No.
648
00:24:24,563 --> 00:24:26,396
That's a hard no, John McClane.
649
00:24:26,431 --> 00:24:27,697
- There you go.
- Thanks.
650
00:24:27,733 --> 00:24:29,265
So, uh, what're you drinking?
651
00:24:29,300 --> 00:24:31,300
Oh, you know, I'll have
a club s... It's fine.
652
00:24:31,336 --> 00:24:34,470
You know, I... I've already had
my limit of Pinot Grigio, so...
653
00:24:34,506 --> 00:24:37,407
That sentence is gonna... is
gonna haunt you for a while.
654
00:24:37,442 --> 00:24:39,308
- Mm.
- Hey, for shits and giggles,
655
00:24:39,344 --> 00:24:41,077
why don't you just pitch me this job?
656
00:24:41,112 --> 00:24:43,046
Maybe I'll be interested.
657
00:24:43,081 --> 00:24:46,315
Well, there it is, that unearned
twentysomething arrogance.
658
00:24:46,351 --> 00:24:49,452
You know, if I didn't currently
have a stack of résumés
659
00:24:49,487 --> 00:24:51,487
from way more qualified
candidates than you
660
00:24:51,523 --> 00:24:54,957
who never once really dissed
this wonderful sweater, I...
661
00:24:54,992 --> 00:24:56,892
You're not listening...
662
00:24:56,928 --> 00:24:59,461
I wouldn't hire you.
663
00:24:59,496 --> 00:25:00,796
- Whoo-hoo!
- Here's the floss.
664
00:25:00,831 --> 00:25:02,798
Whoo! Whoo!
665
00:25:02,833 --> 00:25:06,602
Wow. Uh, this is gonna
end poorly for Big Dog.
666
00:25:06,637 --> 00:25:09,104
God, let's hope so.
667
00:25:09,339 --> 00:25:11,773
I'm married to him.
668
00:25:11,808 --> 00:25:13,808
So if you think I can't
create multiple humans,
669
00:25:13,843 --> 00:25:15,643
maintain a healthy
marriage to two spouses,
670
00:25:15,679 --> 00:25:17,723
and slay dragons at work,
then you haven't met me, lady,
671
00:25:17,747 --> 00:25:20,048
because I am still
Emma Goddamn Trakarsky,
672
00:25:20,084 --> 00:25:21,761
not some mobile incubator
who drops everything
673
00:25:21,785 --> 00:25:23,051
to wipe babies' butts
674
00:25:23,087 --> 00:25:25,220
and yell at passing cars to slow down!
675
00:25:25,255 --> 00:25:27,055
Ow! Ow.
676
00:25:27,090 --> 00:25:28,756
- D... did you just
say "ow"? - Mm-hmm!
677
00:25:28,792 --> 00:25:30,491
Mm, ahh!
678
00:25:30,526 --> 00:25:32,794
Sorry. I feel like I
ate a couple puppies,
679
00:25:32,829 --> 00:25:34,629
and they grew into two
very large Dobermans,
680
00:25:34,664 --> 00:25:37,164
and they're currently trying
to eat their way out of me.
681
00:25:37,200 --> 00:25:40,167
- Oh, dear.
- Yeah, but I'm... I'm just gonna play it cool
682
00:25:40,203 --> 00:25:43,637
until you tell me I'm
definitely not getting this job.
683
00:25:43,672 --> 00:25:48,275
Yeah, you are definitely
not getting this job.
684
00:25:48,311 --> 00:25:50,377
Okay. No hard feelings.
685
00:25:50,413 --> 00:25:52,379
I'm just gonna call 911.
686
00:25:53,583 --> 00:25:56,049
Hi. This is Emma Trakarsky,
687
00:25:56,085 --> 00:25:57,985
- and, uh, yeah, I, um...
- Oh, dear.
688
00:25:58,020 --> 00:25:59,886
Oh, my God, I'm about to explode!
689
00:25:59,922 --> 00:26:01,722
- Sorry.
- Yeah, no. No, no, no, no.
690
00:26:01,757 --> 00:26:04,091
No need to call Homeland Security.
691
00:26:04,126 --> 00:26:05,859
Check, please.
692
00:26:18,173 --> 00:26:20,873
Jack. Izzy.
693
00:26:20,908 --> 00:26:24,210
Jack! Izzy!
694
00:26:27,749 --> 00:26:29,882
- Jack. Izzy.
- Yeah?
695
00:26:34,088 --> 00:26:35,721
Can you turn down the music?
696
00:26:37,224 --> 00:26:39,258
Can you turn down the fucking music?!
697
00:26:40,695 --> 00:26:42,427
Emma.
698
00:26:48,000 --> 00:26:53,000
- Synced and corrected by chamallow -
50902
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