Original subtitles

- Please don't micromanage my feelings.

You always did that, and it always felt terrible.

- Don't start a fight to get away

from what happened earlier.

- Every sober day is a miracle.

So I'm here to listen if you want to talk.

- I know Leigh would love it if I finished my comic book.

- I just really needed to make him happy

and I don't know if I did.

- Wasn't your fault, Leigh.

- What do you do? Where are you from?

- Well, you're allowed to move on.

- So are you.

- And the penguin said,

"No, I was eating ice cream."

- Penguin said what?

- The...

The penguin said, "No, I was..."

- You wanna hear a joke? - Sure.

- So a penguin goes to a mechanic.

- Is the mechanic also a penguin?

- No, no, the mechanic is... human mechanic, penguin driver.

- Okay. I'm with you. - Yeah. No fair enough.

Yeah, it's a good question.

- Human mechanic, penguin driver.

Keep going. - Okay, so...

- I'm there. - Penguin... a penguin, uh...

- Matt told this joke, and all I can think of

is the punch line.

- You want me to Google it? - No, I want to remember it.

- They did not have any Half and Half.

- That's okay, coffee's coffee.

Hey, can I ask you something personal?

Have you been with anyone since?

- I went on a date last week.

We didn't have sex, but we did like everything else.

- Well, if... if you had oral sex then...

then you had sex.

Yeah.

- Well, then I guess I had sex.

- Have you? - Yes.

Once, recently.

It was... it was good.

But I...

I don't know.

- Me too.

Griffin dies, and nothing gets to be just good anymore.

There's all this other stuff.

- I went to his grave this week.

It was the first time

I had been since he was buried.

And I stood there and felt nothing.

- Well, maybe instead of going where he's dead

you should go where you guys were alive together.

- Is that what you do?

- I go to Target.

- Sorry, like the store? - Mm-hmm.

We would go on Friday nights to people watch

and buy stuff we didn't need.

So do you know which aisle my husband's ghost is in?

- No, Target was our place.

You have to get your own. - Okay.

- But seriously, just... go where the memories are.

That's where he'll be.

Or you can go to aisle ten.

- Hey, lady.

- Hey, yourself.

- This class is the highlight of my week.

You're gonna have to add more dance parties to the schedule.

- Yes, definitely.

- I'm gonna run some errands, and then I'll be back.

- Great. - Why are you coming back?

- Sabrina's helping me with new combos for class

- Okay, well, if I'm around,

I will see and if I'm not, then I won't.

- Okay. Bye. - Okay, bye.

- Why'd you use your fake voice with Sabrina?

- I don't have a fake voice. It's just my voice.

Bye.

- Okay, Mom.

- She's here all the time now.

- Am I supposed to be sneaking around with her?

Am I having a mom affair?

- Honey, I am not crazy for being concerned.

You know, in the past, you've looked for connections with

people who couldn't possibly give you what you need.

And I... I feel like it's history repeating itself.

- That's not true.

My relationship with Sabrina goes both ways.

I help her with stuff as much as she's helping me.

- What stuff?

- I phrased that weird. - See you later.

- Have a good one. Everything's fine.

- Honey.

I'm your safe space. I'm your locked box.

And I'm your mother.

- Okay. It could be nothing,

but last time I was at Sabrina's house,

she got a call from Richard,

and she was gone a long time.

And when she came back,

it looked like she'd been crying.

I shouldn't have said anything.

- It's okay.

Locked box.

- Great class, Jules. - Thanks for coming.

- Bye. - Bye.

- See you next time.

- Can I help you with something?

- No, I'm okay.

- It's just you were here when I left,

and you're still here.

- Sorry.

I... I used to live in your apartment.

- Oh, are you Shaw?

- Yeah, Leigh Shaw. Yeah.

- I-I think have some of your mail.

I'll grab it. - Okay, great.

- You wanna come with me? - Yeah, lemme help you.

- Oh, thanks.

Oh, hi!

The light is amazing.

She loves listening to the birds outside

in the morning.

Obviously, when she needs her own room

we'll have to move, but for now it's great.

I think the mail's on my husband's desk.

Do you know a Matt Greer?

- Yeah, we lived here together.

- Oh, good.

There's something in there for him too.

- Great.

Yeah.

Thank you.

What are you doing here?

- You haven't returned any of my texts.

- That was intentional.

- I need to talk with you. - Five minutes.

And I don't know what there is to say.

I mean, it was a mistake. Let's both just

acknowledge that and get on with our lives.

- Didn't feel like a mistake. And now that it's happened,

I don't want to pretend it didn't.

- Oh, my God, that is so like you.

Get too comfortable in your marriage

and start looking for an escape.

- What are you talking about?

I've been married to Sabrina for 20 years.

- If you were married to that woman

that you cheated on me with,

maybe, you know, maybe

I would think about one time revenge sex.

But Sabrina has only ever been great to me and my daughters.

- Sabrina is great.

But we've also been in and out of couple's therapy

for the last two years.

You did not cause our problems.

- I don't care.

I will not be the other woman.

Not to her and not with you.

- This is what I think.

We kept our distance from each other for decades.

- And I remember why.

- Will you let me finish?

Look, I don't think the detour

that our lives took is wrong.

I love Sabrina, we had Evie, you adopted Jules.

I wouldn't trade the last 20 years,

and I know you wouldn't either.

But our lives led us back to each other.

What if...

we're two people...

who are supposed to be together...

and we finally got our timing right?

- Hey. - Hey.

- You're not gonna believe this.

I can't even believe it.

Look. - What... what is that?

- It's a mock-up of Matt's comic book cover.

This editor Joe Tsang sent it to the old apartment.

He didn't even know Matt died.

- Wait, what? Why?

- Matt sold his comic.

- Holy...! Holy...!

Oh, my God! - Holy...!

- I can't believe he did it. - I know.

It was his dream, and it came true.

- Well, why didn't he tell us?

- Well, I don't know, he probably wanted

to wait till it was real or something.

- Yeah.

- Anyway, I haven't even gotten to the best part.

So this editor,

he said that if we find the ending

that he'll still publish it.

- But you read the book. You know there's no ending.

- Well...

- This is his last page. - Yeah.

- I mean, he never finished it.

- Okay, so he must have notes or something.

- I mean, he had some sketchbooks.

There might be something in there, but...

- Well, we're gonna find the ending

and we're gonna get this published.

- My mom was right.

I hate saying that, but she was.

I have a track record for not great relationships.

I mean, I had sex with a guy I spoke to for two minutes

in the bathroom line at a wedding last weekend.

- Well, you're allowed to have sex.

- Yeah, but, am I allowed to be a train wreck?

- You're not a train wreck.

- Yeah.

I am.

I thought that...

getting sober would fix everything, but no.

Turns out I still suck.

But hey at least I have a good excuse.

Because the first person

that was ever supposed to love me abandoned me.

So how are you supposed to get over that?

- You never talk to me about your adoption.

- I don't talk about it that much.

- Well, you don't have to, but you can.

If you want to.

- I used to as a kid.

Then was I was 13, I had this freak-out.

That winter break my mom booked us a trip to Vietnam.

We were going to visit the orphanage where I'm from,

and...

the morning of our flight, I couldn't leave my room.

I physically couldn't do it.

So we canceled the trip,

and it became this thing that I don't really talk about.

I don't know I'm talking about it now.

- Have you ever talked in group about

how sometimes

your growth can stop

when you start using

and then start back up when you get sober?

- Why?

- Maybe there were some things in you

that froze up at that age and they're...

starting to thaw out now.

Maybe.

- Maybe.

- How about this? - Ohh...

Yep.

- How do you know his password?

- Uh, we shared the same desktop as kids.

It's Batman,

it's Matt's birthday, and three exclamation points.

Jeez, there's a million files on here.

Matt never deleted anything.

- When did he meet the publisher?

We should look at the files from after the meeting.

- Oh, yeah.

Looks like it was...

June 14th.

- He met that guy the day before he died?

- Looks like it, so...

there probably isn't much,

but there could still be something in here.

- Maybe he didn't want it to be published.

- What are you talking about?

- I'm talking about the fact that

he got the best news of his life

and then jumped off a cliff the next day.

- Danny, no.

It means that it was an accident,

because if he knew this, he never would have jumped.

- Or he got exactly what he wanted,

it didn't make him feel any better,

and that's how he knew that he would never feel any better.

- Okay, I don't understand why you're trying to ruin this,

but you need to stop it right now.

- I'm not trying to ruin anything.

I'm just... I'm looking at this timeline

and I'm just telling you what I see.

- Well, I get to make his dream come true.

And this is the closest

that I have felt to Matt since he died,

so why are you trying to take that away from me?

- So this isn't about what Matt wants.

This is about what you want.

You want to publish this book to make you feel better.

- Yeah, you know what? I do.

Because if I don't get to have him,

at least I get to have this.

- Oh, hi. Hey, hi, Danny.

- Hi. - Hi, Amy.

- Thank you. - Got that.

- Thank you. - Of course.

- What are you guys up to?

- Someone wants to publish Matt's comic.

- Oh, my God, that's amazing. - Mm-hmm.

- But we don't know if that's what he wanted,

and it's not like we can ask him.

- Well, um,

I do have an idea, but you have to promise

not to make fun of me.

- I can't promise you that.

- Okay, well, I'll tell you anyway.

I do know

a really good psychic.

- Okay, so we're not... we're not joking around now?

- My mom's never joking about psychics.

- You know, I just have to say something.

- This has been a crisis of faith

kind of a year for me,

and I don't know whether I believe

in any of that stuff anymore.

But when Richard and I were

deciding whether to start a family, we flipped a coin.

Heads we tried, and tails we didn't.

And whenever it came up heads we were relieved,

and whenever it came up tails we were disappointed.

And the flip didn't make the decision.

It just... it just helped us

understand what it was that we really wanted.

- You want to just skip the psychic and flip a coin?

- I think we have something that's bigger

than a yes or no question.

- Do you believe this stuff?

- I mean I don't...

think I do, but...

I don't have any better idea,

so at this point I'm... I'm willing to try anything.

- Are you getting something?

- It's a car.

A broken car.

that needs to go to an auto shop.

Something about a mechanic.

- Yeah. That doesn't mean anything to me.

- Well, i-it does to me.

- I have a connection now.

You can talk to him.

- Matt.

We want to know...

If we have your blessing to publish your comic book.

Is that what you want?

- He says he wants you to decide.

- But we can't, so that's why we need him

to tell us what to do.

He says he loves you both.

And he wants you to do what's best for the two of you.

You're here. He's not.

That's why he wants the decision to be yours.

- I want to ask a question.

- Of course.

- Matt...

What were you thinking...

The last minute of your life?

- Danny.

- I need you to stay calm and keep your heart open

if I'm gonna hold the connection.

- Okay.

- He says...

He wasn't.

- He...

He wasn't thinking?

What does that mean, he... he wasn't thinking,

and that's why he jumped?

He wasn't thinking because he was falling?

What does that mean?

- I'm having a hard time hearing.

I don't know how long I can keep him here.

- No, no, no, no, you have to tell him to hold on.

Tell him to stay, because I don't to lose him,

and I can't.

I can't lose him. Um...

I will do anything. Just...

tell him to stay here.

Please.

- I'm sorry.

He's gone.

- Well, that was a lot.

- Yeah, it was.

- You okay?

- Just need to know if he did it or not.

- There's...

a woman in group whose sister hanged herself.

And she always says,

"My sister didn't kill herself.

Mental illness killed my sister."

So it was either an accident

or a disease.

But either way, it wasn't Matt.

- I still need to know.

- Danny, I don't think

either of us are ever gonna know.

And I think we're both gonna have to live with that.

I'm gonna ask Matt's editor

to publish his comic without the ending.

I need that to happen for him.

I need it for me.

- You have to do what you have to do.

- Yeah.

- And so do I.

And I can't hang out with you anymore.

- I'm sorry?

- It's just too hard to be around you.

- Okay.

- I'll see you.

- See you.

Oh, God.

- Hey, honey. - Hi.

- So what did Tara say?

- She said...

Matt wants me to do what's best for me.

- And what do you think is best for you?

- Well, I have to

stop being in pain every minute of the day,

'cause I can't survive like this.

But if the pain stops...

then he's gone and I...

I can't survive that either.

- Do you remember when you were in elementary school

and I read you a fairy tale every night before bed?

And you used to say me,

"Why did they go into the woods?

"There are witches and monsters in the woods.

Why did they go into the woods?"

- Yeah, why do they go in there?

- Because it's the scariest place.

You have to go to the scariest place

to find out who are you, who you're gonna be.

- The woods suck.

- Yes, they do, but there's no way around it.

The only way through it is through it.

Anyone hungry?

Should we order in?

- I'll get some menus.

What?

- I just remembered Matt's joke.

- Human mechanic, penguin driver.

- Okay, I'm with you. - Yeah.

No, fair enough. Yeah, it was a good question.

- Human mechanic, penguin driver.

Keep going. - Yes. Okay.

So a penguin goes to mechanic

and while his car's being fixed,

he goes across the street to get some ice cream

from some gas station. - Okay.

- And he comes out and he has ice cream all over his beak.

And he goes to the mechanic,

the mechanic's wiping his hands on this rag, and he says,

"Oh, man, looks like you blew a seal."

And the penguin says,

"Oh, no, no, no, that's just ice cream."

Oh, no.

- Yeah, I should have told you it was a dumb joke.

- It was a dumb joke. Yeah.

- Yeah.

- But I really like the way you told it.

- Do you really?

- You're a very compelling storyteller.

Okay.

- Okay.

I'm Matt. - I'm Leigh.

- Hey, Matt. It's me.

I just don't get it, bro.

I'm trying, but I can't.

You are such an idiot.

I don't know if it was an accident

or a choice,

but whatever the hell it was, it was stupid.

It was just stupid because you had everything.

You had Leigh.

I never really got what you saw in her,

to be honest, man...

But I get it, I guess.

I-I get how... you fell in love with her

because...

Because I d...

'cause I think I am too.