Original subtitles

- Taylor wants to get the advice column going again.

- I don't feel like the same person

who wrote that anymore.

- I'd love for you to still write it

as whoever you are now.

- I'll think about it.

- Rogue is not the only one who's on Prozac.

I've been taking it on and off since I was in college

for depression.

Sometimes, it gets bad.

I-I need you to understand

that this isn't fixable.

- You were weird at the party,

and now you want to go straight to bed.

- You know, what never makes me feel better

is when my wife yells at me.

- I'm not yelling at...

You were right.

There was a lot about him

I didn't know.

- You've done that hike a hundred times.

I want to believe this was an accident,

but I'm standing here, looking down,

and I just don't know.

It was late in the afternoon,

and I was...

folding laundry,

just trying to distract myself from worrying,

and I had all these, um,

single, mismatched socks

on my lap.

I... I didn't want to be wasteful and throw them away,

even though I was never gonna wear them

without their matching pairs.

Anyway, I, uh...

I was leaving, uh, another message

when I got a call from...

a number I didn't recognize.

It was the sheriff's department.

They told me that there had been an accident,

and that my husband's body

had been found near the hiking trail

at the... bottom of a 42-foot drop.

He had slipped or tripped.

And I just sat there...

with all these socks on my lap.

Yeah, I thought that I... I had experienced

every possible... emotion

since that day,

but today is a new one.

T-today, I feel stupid,

because I-I heard something

from someone who knew him just as well as I did,

and this person doesn't think that it was...

an accident.

He thinks it was a choice.

I have spent four months

blaming the universe.

And maybe

the one I really should be angry with

is Matt.

- Thank you for sharing.

Is there anything else that you want to say?

- Tomorrow's my birthday.

- I thought you said processed sugar

cuts lifespans in half.

- Well, today is a day for exceptions.

- Now, honey, you need to be patient with her.

She might be a bit difficult.

- She's always a bit difficult.

- So get ready for a lot of difficult.

Hey, hey!

- Hi! - Happy birthday, sweetheart.

- Hello. - Thank you.

- Happy birthday. - Thank you very much.

Do I smell "queenie-a-mans"?

- Yeah. - "Queens-a-ma"?

- If you can't pronounce it, the calories don't count.

Happy birthday.

Thank you. A coupon book!

Fun.

"I will restart the book club

"you tried to get me and Mom to do

and actually read the books this time."

This is a brilliant gift! Thank you, Jules.

I love this! Thank you. - Happy birthday.

- Thank you so much.

You okay?

- Yeah, no, I-I am.

I just... I just... I didn't think

you'd be doing quite so well today.

That's all.

- I didn't either, but we all make choices,

and I am choosing to have a great birthday.

So let's do this thing!

- Okay, let's do this, um.

I got Lacey to take the evening classes

so we can get to Sugarfish before the lines get crazy,

and then, they are screening "The Philadelphia Story"

at the Egyptian.

I think I want a party. - Oh, you do?

- I do.

- A party. - Mm-hm.

Tonight. I want a party.

Like, a big party.

- Okay, um...

Do you want me to call Drew and a few of your friends?

- No, you don't have to. I can do that,

and, um, it's my birthday,

so I get to eat six fun things.

- Um, five.

- Um, four.

- I'm gonna eat four fun things!

Jules, I thank you.

I thank you.

Uh, uh, remind your friends it's a sober house.

Okay? - Gotcha.

- Stop worrying. - Uh-uh.

- Stop. - Oh, my god.

- She's fine. I'm fine.

You're fine. - Okay.

Okay. - We're fine.

Okay.

Frankie, hey.

- Hey, Leigh, happy birthday.

Um, I-I know we haven't talked in a while,

but, um, I just got your invite,

and I wanted to make sure... - Oh, great.

Uh, yeah. Are you... coming?

- Yeah, yeah, totally. I'm there.

- Okay, great. - Awesome.

I'm super excited. Birthday time.

Woot, woot!

- Woot, woot!

Okay, I will see you there. Bye!

- Hey, happy birthday!

- Thank you!

- What, uh... what are you doing here?

- I just wanted to see my best friend on my birthday.

Did you get me a present yet?

- No, but spoiler: I am getting you a gift card

because I know how you love picking out your own presents.

- It's true. I do.

But, you know, anyone can get me a gift card,

whereas you can...

give me my column back.

- Leigh, I've been trying to give you your column back

for months. - I... I know you waited on me,

and the good news is... is that I'm done

putting my life on hold, and I'm ready to do this.

- That's great. - Yeah.

- And I wish I could,

but...

I can't take "Ask a Human" away from Millie.

- But can you please? Like, just for the...

the integrity of the Internet?

Ah, "Advice on How to Nail This Whole Adulting Thing,"

by Millie Lloyd-Hughes.

"Caffeinate responsibly.

Learn what a W-2 is." - Leigh...

- "Wear sunscreen." I mean, is this really

the advice that the world needs?

- Leigh, could you not mock-read my employees, okay?

We don't have doors.

- She's barely out of college.

It's insane to have her give advice,

and what life experience is she drawing on,

the disappointing sex she had on prom night?

Okay, Millie is young,

but her posts do really well.

Her adulting advice went viral.

- And so did white supremacy.

- Nice. - Just saying.

Her advice is listicles

and GIFs and... ,

and when I gave advice,

I-I-I took my heart out of my chest,

and then I put it on the screen.

- Leigh...

I wish we could pick up where we left off, but...

our editorial director made our weekly meeting

all about Millie's column.

Yeah, he got her a sheet cake

that said "Viral."

- That means nothing.

- I'm just saying... - Okay.

I... I can't

get your column back after that meeting.

- I'm sorry. - That's fine.

I hate how this went down,

but...

- You should get that. - I'm sorry. Okay.

But, uh, I'll see you tonight, though, yeah?

- Um, yes.

Thank you for hearing me out. I'll see you tonight.

- Of course. - Okay.

- Happy birthday.

- It's gonna be fun. - It's gonna be fun!

- It's gonna be... fun.

- Okay.

Can't wait.

- Okay. - Okay.

- Pull your knee into your chest,

and breathe.

Switch legs, left over right.

Lying on your back...

cross your right foot over your left knee

for a quickie core stretch.

- Richard, it's her birthday.

If she doesn't want to take your call,

I am not going to make her.

- Uh, hi, Amy.

I'm well. Thanks for asking.

How are you? - Amazing, obviously.

- I got an invitation

to Leigh's party at your house tonight.

- Well, you're her father.

I've never stopped you coming before.

It's... it's not just me.

My cousins in Florida got one, too.

She even invited The Schwab.

- The kid who ran through your screen door

at Leigh's high school graduation party?

- There's still a kink in the frame.

- How many people did she invite?

- It's just pages of names.

Amy?

Hello? - What? 600...

- You there?

- Thank you.

- Leigh. - What?

- Are you okay?

- Yeah. Why?

- You've invited 657 people

to my house tonight.

- Well, it's a last-minute invite on a Tuesday.

If 30 people show up, it's gonna be

a Christmas miracle.

- Honey, we stopped throwing you parties

after elementary school

because the attention made you self-conscious.

- Well, I don't want to be self-conscious anymore,

or negative, or judgmental,

or sad. I don't want to be that person.

- But I like that person. I love that person, in fact.

- Well, I don't.

- Honey, today was never gonna be an easy day.

Whatever you need to feel,

you get to feel it.

- Well, I feel like trying something new

and being a fun person

who's really good at parties,

and you can... try being a fun person at parties.

That would be... new for you, too.

- You don't think I'm fun at parties?

- No.

Send email to Millie Lloyd-Hughes.

Hey, Millie, I need your advice.

What do you do when it's your birthday

and you're another year older, and you realize

that you've made absolutely no progress

with anything important in your life?

Hey, Millie?

Um...

What do you do when...

the advice column that you started from nothing

get stolen by a shallow, boring 22-year-old

whose idea of adversity

is getting into her second-choice college?

Hey, Millie, what do you wear to your first party

after your husband fell off the side of a mountain

and died? Send.

Um... - Hello.

- I mean... - No, it's a party.

There's no such thing as being late.

You show up when you show up.

- Hi. Come on in.

- Thanks so much for having us.

I know we're late. I'm sorry.

Richard refused to take a left turn

as we drove here,

so we had to make three rights instead.

- I can't believe he's still doing that.

- People that don't take left turns live longer.

It's a statistic. - It's nonsense.

- It's a statistic. - It's nonsense.

- Thank you for coming on such short notice.

- It's so weird.

- Um, I couldn't find the coupon

for borrowing your clothes.

- Oh, I only wore that dress

the one time I was a slutty Holly Golightly

for Halloween, so borrow away.

- Cool. - Looks good.

- Perfect. - Yeah.

- Hey, Dad.

- Happy birthday, honey! - Hey, hi, hi!

Hi! It's good to see you.

Hey. It's a... check, right?

- Yes, it is. - Cool.

Hi, Sabrina. - Happy birthday.

- Thank you. - Hey!

- Oh, hey. - Happy birthday!

- It's been a while. - Yeah.

- Good to see you. - Nice to see you again.

- Yeah.

- Cool. I'm going to put this away.

I'm gonna put this away.

- Hey, Amy.

Uh, it's Nicholas Schwaback.

Uh, Nick... Nick Schwaback. I went to high school

with Leigh.

Uh, "The Schwab"?

Oh, The Schwab.

It's nice to see you.

- My tribute to the party goddesses.

- Um, we said sober house on the invite.

- I-I thought that was a joke.

- No. Please take it back

to your car.

- You got it, yeah.

- Thanks.

Hi!

- Happy birthday, sweetie.

- Oh, thanks. - How are you holding up?

- I'm great.

Yeah. - Oh, that's good.

- Just great, thank you. - Yeah.

- Thanks. It's good to see you.

- Leigh!

- Hey. - Remember this?

Oh, do I.

- What... what is he doing?

- It's a bit from high school where he does a stupid dance

until it's funny, and then it becomes stupid again...

- And stupid again... - And then it becomes...

Really funny.

And then... yeah.

- Hi. Uh, Schwab, here, help my mom.

- Sure. - There you go.

Tasks. Cool.

Hi.

- Hey, it's the birthday girl.

- Hi. Hi.

- Or should I say,

teenage vampire? - Oh, wow.

Well, that's cool. You got me an insult

for my birthday. Thank you.

- Well, if you want to take it that way.

- Whatever. It's better than...

people calling me sweetie

and asking me how I'm holding up.

- I mean, I think that people just want

to know that you're okay,

and they know this is a weird birthday for you.

- Well, the good news is that I'm okay.

So, yeah. And we have a million snacks,

so, uh, get yourself something to eat.

- Okay.

- Have some. Treat yourself.

- Yeah, okay. - Cool.

I'll-m gonna talk... I'm gonna go say hi to...

I mean, I'll see you later.

Hey.

- I don't believe exercise can be fun.

- I didn't either,

but then I started choreographing

these silly dances

to these songs I liked in seventh grade,

and I realized it can be almost fun.

- Well, what about the pain?

- Okay, in my dance class, we pose through the pain.

- Uh, you're laughing, but I'm serious.

It works. - Okay.

I'll give it a go. - Yes!

- Hey, guys.

Oh, damn it.

- Hey, Amy.

What's going on? - Um...

Jules has been sober for four months.

We're trying to make it to five.

- Oh, okay. Uh...

I'll help out. - No, I got this, really.

- No. - It's fine.

- Uh, look.

Found one.

- Thank you. - Mm-hm.

- Oh, my God. - Oh, my God, Jules!

- Where have you been? I haven't seen you in months.

Top you up?

- No, thanks. - Boo.

- Come on. - I'm actually sober now.

So that's where I've been.

Um, but you guys enjoy.

- That's... that's great. - Good for you.

- Yeah. - Really great.

- Thanks. - Jules, there you are.

Sorry, can I steal this one for one quick sec?

Sorry, sorry, sorry. - Uh, bye.

- Want me to narc on them to your mom?

'Cause I will.

- Snitches get stitches.

- I will deal with a wound that requires stitches

for you, my dear.

Stop worrying. I am so good right now.

I promise. You know, parties are...

fun sober.

People's jokes are still funny.

Who knew?

- Look, there's Leigh. You should give her your gift.

Sure you're okay? - Yes.

I'm great.

- Hi. - Hi.

- A gift card! - No, it's a sweater.

Aww. - There's more.

- "Dear Leigh, my advice to you in this time of crisis

"is to go easy on your very handsome friend Drew,

"who loves you

"and only wants the best for you.

P.S., hot outfit." Thank you.

"P.P.S., please stop trolling me.

XO, Millie."

For the record, I'm not a troll.

That was just meant to be

an inside joke with myself...

And then I

accidentally hit Send.

- Well, that's what you get for having

inside jokes with yourself

and not including me.

- I'm sorry. - Mm.

- It will never happen again.

- Where's Ryan?

- Oh, he was tired after work,

but, uh, he did say happy birthday.

- Did you...

You told him about what I said about him and that chef.

- I was upset... and he got it out of me.

- Right, and now he hates me.

- Me being honest with my fiancé

wasn't, like, a personal attack

against you. - I just don't understand

why you couldn't have kept that between us.

- Because he's my person, and I tell him everything.

That's how being married to someone works.

- I know how being married to someone works.

- I feel like every time we see each other now,

we fight.

- I'm not trying to fight with you.

- I know.

Okay, look, um,

this is supposed to be a party,

so let's just, like, try to have fun,

'cause that's the point of this whole thing.

Anyway.

Why don't you go get yourself a soda?

Maybe you think you're mad at me,

and really, it's just low blood sugar?

- That's it. - That's it.

- Soda.

- Recycling?

- Um, empty them out first.

- Oh, wait, wait, wait.

Oh, this Syrah is too good to dump.

- You're a wine guy?

- I'm studying to be a sommelier.

- Really?

- Wine is bottled poetry.

- Yeah, I forget... who said that,

but it... it's true.

Uh... - Uh...

- You're not the alcoholic.

- No, I'm... I'm the mom.

I have to make sure this party doesn't go off the rails.

- Everyone's fine.

Party doesn't need a mom.

- Yeah.

- Cheers, universe.

Right?

Am I supposed to be tasting,

um, blackberry and vanilla?

- Walnuts and smoke, yeah.

- You probably don't know this,

but I always had a crush on you.

- No, I knew. We all knew.

- Uh... uh, yeah.

Just being alone with you

in a dark corner

was basically my high school fantasy.

Yeah.

- What else happens in your fantasy?

- Hey.

Frankie, hi.

- Hey. - Is, uh...

is now an okay time

to give you your present?

- Yeah.

- Do you remember,

we made these

for the cover of our binders

the night before we started the seventh grade?

You okay?

- I don't know.

- Look, I-I don't, um...

I didn't want this to be weird.

I just... I...

I missed you so much.

Um, Leigh, I'm sorry I didn't go

to Matt's funeral.

Yeah, I just... I told myself

that you had this huge support system

and you wouldn't even notice I was there.

- What are you doing?

- I'm... I'm just trying to, um...

- Why are you bringing up my husband's funeral

at my birthday party?

- Because I feel terrible about not being there.

You just... can you tell me

what I need to do to make it up to you.

I promise... - I don't know

what you should do. I'm s...

you abandoned me.

That was your choice.

And every day for the last four months,

you chose not to call or text,

and now... I don't know what you want to...

you want us to pretend like none of that happened?

I just can't do that. - No, I'm not...

I'm not pretending.

I'm sorry.

S-funerals are really hard for me.

- Funerals are hard for everyone.

- Yeah, I was an idiot for coming.

- No, you're not an idiot. I told you to come.

I just wanted everything to be okay,

but it's...

it's...

not.

I... I'm not ready to forgive you.

- ♪ Happy birthday to you ♪

- Yeah. - Whoo!

♪ Happy birthday to you ♪

- Go Leigh! - Yes!

- Whoo. - ♪ Happy birthday ♪

♪ Dear Leigh ♪

- Oh, wait, I... do... do you have to...

- Oh, I've seen her blow out every other birthday candle.

- Okay. - Mm, mm.

And many more!

- Yeah!

- Thanks.

Oh, cool!

Let me clean this mess up so you guys can eat.

- Whoo! - Thanks.

- Okay. - Hi.

- Hi.

- Hi. - Hi.

Hey.

- You guys want cake? - Yes!

- Hey, Jules, remember that time

we looked for a 24-hour Ralph's forever

because you said you wanted frosting?

- Oh, you downed that Big Gulp of vodka,

so you had to pee really bad,

but they wouldn't let you use the bathroom at Ralph's,

so you ended up peeing off the side of an overpass

and you hit a passing car.

- It was amazing.

I don't remember that.

- It's one of your best stories.

- How can you not remember that?

- Um, I'm gonna go get something.

- Hey.

- Hi.

- What's going on?

- Uh, I don't know.

I think throwing a party was a really bad idea.

- Well, I'm having fun.

- That's good.

- Um...

I have to ask you something,

and I don't know how to do it.

- Okay.

Just ask.

- Do you think Matt jumped off that cliff?

- What?

No, no.

No, that'd be... that'd be crazy.

- Really?

You don't think it's crazier

that he did that hike 50 times

and that was the one time he fell?

Really?

- Did you actually invite me to your birthday party

so you could harass me about my brother's death?

- How about the fact that he was clinically depressed,

and he died in an accident

that could've easily been intentional?

- You know what? I don't have to do this.

- Are you just not going to answer me?

- I don't know what you want me to say.

- I want you to tell me if you think he jumped.

- Maybe!

I don't know. I wasn't there.

But maybe.

Okay.

I'm leaving.

Happy birthday.

- Amy, what is it?

- I just made out with The Schwab.

What?

No, what? - I did.

- What's going on?

- Nothing.

- She made out with The Schwab.

- No, shush!

- I'm sorry! It was just too good.

- And I just feel like

when I was drinking,

I never had to worry

about falling short,

because it was easy to think

that it was just the alcohol making me fail.

It was easy to think that if I got sober,

I would... do amazing.

I just feel like I'm failing at everything right now.

Like this thing happened at work.

I had a project I worked my ass off on

but my boss hates it.

I don't know.

It just has not been a great week.

- I'm supposed to make a moral inventory.

Every lie, every mistake, every insecurity.

- That sounds like literal hell.

- Which is why I'm watching "Real Housewives" instead.

- Every sober day is a miracle.

- Are you a friend of Bill's?

- Friend of Jason.

- Matt never wanted to talk about his childhood.

- People who want to talk about their childhoods are weird.

- Whatever. I'll just ask your mom.

- Don't... don't ask my mom about that.

Leave my mother out of it.

- Hi. - Hi.