Original subtitles

♪♪

Jay, Breakfast Is Ready!

Be Down In A Second, Mom!

Hey, Morning, Mom.

Morning, Sweetie.

Hey, I Had This Tight Dream Last Night

That You Made Me French Toast And Bacon.

You're Good.

Listen, Honey, I Got A Call

From Aunt Lois This Morning.

She Is In The Hospital.

What Happened?

Broke Her Ankle.

Heh! Again?

The Other Ankle.

That Woman Was Not Meant To Ski.

Well, Is She Gonna Be Ok?

Mmm, She'll Be Fine,

But She Just Can't Get Around.

I'm Gonna Have To Go Down There,

And I'll Probably Have To Stay About A Week.

No Problem, Mom, I Can Take Care Of Myself,

And Don't Say I'm Too Young.

Fine, But Just So You're Not Lonely,

I've Spoken With Your Brother

And He's Agreed To Come Down From Starkwell

To Keep You Company.

Mom! Come On, Give Me A Break!

Mike's Just Gonna Yell At Me

And Boss Me Around All Day.

He Hates Me.

No, He Doesn't. He Worries About You.

It's Just How He Shows He Cares.

Well, I'd Be A Whole Lot Happier

If He Cared Just A Little Bit Less.

Heh! Look, I'm Gonna Leave You Enough Money

To Get You Through Next Week.

There Are Frozen Dinners In The Freezer.

Use The Money To Buy Some Healthy Food.

Don't Just Eat Junk Food All Week, Ok?

Ok. Just 5 Days Out Of 7.

Listen, I'm Sorry

I'm Going To Miss The Awards Ceremony Tonight.

It's Ok, Mom. I Haven't Won Yet.

And Who Knows-- You Might Not Be Missing Anything.

I May Stink Out Loud Today.

I Doubt That,

But No Matter What Happens...

I Am Very, Very Proud Of You.

And I Know Your Dad Would Be Twice As Proud.

Mom...

You Don't Think Dad Would've Been Disappointed

If I Didn't Go To Starkwell, Do You?

You Just Win That Scholarship To Peterson.

Forward March!

Left! Left! Left, Right, Left!

Left! Left! Left, Right, Left!

Left, Left,

Platoon, Halt!

Right Face!

Parade Rest!

Now, Gentlemen,

You Are The Sorriest Bunch Of Invertebrates

It Has Ever Been My Displeasure

To Be In Command Of!

Your Bunks This Morning Were Ridiculous!

If You Want To Be Starkwell Men

You Have Got To Do Better Than That!

Sergeant Martin?

Attention!

Colonel Douglas Wants To See You Asap.

Platoon... Dismissed!

Starkwell!

Yes, All Right, Sir.

You Wanted To See Me, Sir?

Cadet Martin, I Understand Your Squad

Is Close To Failing The Semester.

It's Not My Fault.

The Guys Are Just Lazy.

The Squad's Grades Are Down

Because Of Them, Not Me, Sir.

At Ease, Mike.

Listen, Son, You Work Hard Around Here.

You Know Your Regulations Forwards And Backwards,

But You Don't Know Jack About Being A Leader.

Being A Leader Is More Than Just Yelling And Screaming

And Blaming Everything On Everybody Else.

These Men Are Like Your Brothers.

Listen, When Your Dad Taught Here, He Told Me Something.

He Said, "A Man Will Follow Orders If He Fears You,

But He'll Save Your Life If He Loves And Respects You."

Now, Captain Pennick Told Me About Your Situation At Home.

I Suggest You Take This Time Off

And You Seriously Think About Whether Or Not

You're Suited For A Career In The Military,

And Believe Me, Son, It's Not For Everyone.

Excuse Me. Hand It Over!

This Is A School, Not A Video Arcade.

Why Do You Think Your Grades Are Down?

I'm Keeping This. You Won't Get It Back Till Next Semester,

If You Get It Back At All.

Hey, Who's The Lucky Kid Van Dusen's Picking On Today?

Nina Morris.

She's In My Little Brother's Class.

She's Really Nice.

They Always Are.

Bombs Away!

Heh Heh Heh!

Ugh!

Uh, That Was Me.

Meanwhile, The Privileged Few

Continue To Get Away With Anything.

It's Unfair With A Capital "U".

Oh!

Check These Out.

It's My Newest One.

That's Great, Jay.

Let Me See That.

Hey, Be Careful With Those.

My Presentation Is On The Other Side.

Morn--

Morning, People.

I'm Gonna Try And Keep It Brief This Morning.

We Have Just 2 Items Of Business To Attend To.

First, If Any Of You Had The Spanish Rice

For Lunch Yesterday,

Please See Nurse Ketcham If You're Feeling...

Different.

Second, All Eighth Graders Should Report

To The Auditorium For Fifth Period

For The Donald Peterson Memorial Award Competition.

All The Finalists For The Award

Will Be Called Up Onto The Stage.

I Want To Thank You For Your Time.

Have A Nice Day, And, Oh,

Let's Try And Stuff Our Brains

With Things We Don't That Already Know, Shall We?

This Is So Cool.

Watch This!

Jay, Are You Ok?

That Tickle, Buddy? Ha Ha!

Ronny! Enough With The Soccer!

Get To Class!

Later, Guys.

Hurry Up And Collect Those, Mr. Martin.

Uh-Oh, Jay.

No Problem, Mr. Van Dusen.

Not A Very Flattering Likeness Of Me.

Oh!

Oh, That's Not You, Mr. Van Dusen.

Perhaps We Should Discuss Your Artistic Endeavors With Your Mother.

Give Me The Rest.

But, Mr. Van Dusen, I Need Those.

My Presentation Is On The Other Side.

At The Risk Of Sounding Like I'm Saying,

"You Should Have Thought Of That Before,"

Well, You Should Have Thought Of That Before!

You'll Have To Rewrite Them On More Appropriate Cards.

Bad Attitude.

But I Can't Believe This!

I'm Dead! There's No Time

To Write Out That Whole Presentation Over Again.

People, How Are We, Hmm?

We're Busy Here, Ronny.

So, Uh...

So, Martian, I Hear

You're My Main Competition For The Scholarship.

That's Not His Name,

And If You're His Competition

I Wouldn't Call It Very Competitive.

Can It, Jerk.

Anyway... Hey, Hi.

Yeah, I Wanted To Invite You

To A Little Victory Party That I'm Throwing

After I Win The Donald Peterson Award.

I'm Throwing A Little Victory Bash In My Pool House.

I'm Busy.

I Wasn't Talking To You.

Hope To See You There, Trace.

Gentlemen.

Don't Worry. You're Gonna Mop Up The Floor With Him.

The Only Downside Is That We Won't Get

To Go To The Party At His Pool House.

Way To Be Supportive.

I'm Serious! That Pool House Is Amazing.

It's Like He's Got His Own Place.

He's Got His Own Phone With His Own Number.

It's Got A Pool Table, Video Games.

I Hear It Even Has A Pool.

Ok, Class, Let's Get To Work.

Ha Ha! Ooh!

You Wanted To Speak To Me, Dad?

Are You Prepared For This Presentation?

Oh, Yeah, Yeah.

I've Got The Winning Speech Right Here.

It's Not That Ridiculous Idea You Had

Why Jackie Chan Would Make A Cool President, Is It?

Uh...

Look, You,

Your Grandfather Doesn't Think

I'm Doing A Good Job Of Raising You.

He Also Doesn't Think You Have A Chance

Of Winning That Scholarship, And Frankly,

On That Account, I Tend To Agree With Him.

We Have To Prove Old Armand Wrong.

We Have To Win That Scholarship.

Now Jay Martin Has

An Incredible Presentation On Recycling

That's Well Thought Out And Impeccably Worded.

You Have About 20 Minutes

To Come Up With A Better Presentation Than His.

I Have To Meet With The Food Services People.

I Have To Sweep This Spanish Rice Thing Under The Carpet.

Recycling, Huh?

I Don't Get It.

Peterson Is Less Expensive Than Starkwell.

Why Would You Have To Go To Starkwell

If You Don't Want To?

Well, My Mom Can't Afford Either One,

But My Dad Taught At Starkwell,

So We Can Get In For Practically Nothing.

The Competition's Not For 15 Minutes.

Try And Do Your Presentation For Us From Memory.

I--I Don't Think I Can.

Just Try.

All Right.

Here Goes.

Good Afternoon.

Today I Want To Talk To You About Garbage.

Each Year, Americans Produce Enough Trash And Refuse

To Fill A Convoy Of Trucks

That Would Reach Halfway To The Moon.

Each Year Americans Produce Enough Trash

And Ref--Refuse...

Refuse To Fill

A Convoy Of Trucks

That Would Reach Halfway To The Moon,

And It Is Estimated

That Within The Century

We Will Run Out Of Landfill

To Handle Our Waste.

Man, How Am I Supposed To Get Up There

And Give The Exact Same Speech Right After Ronny?

I'd Look Like An Idiot.

Well, Why Didn't You Say Something?

I Don't Have Any Proof. What's The Use?

What's The Use?

You'd Be Going To Peterson Academy With Me Next Year.

Remember Peterson,

The One With The Really Great Art Program?

Or You Could Just Settle

For The All-Boy Military Academy

Upstate With Your Brother.

Hey, Tough Break On That Scholarship, Martian,

But I Guess The Best Man Won.

How Does It Feel To Know That You Won

Using My Presentation?

What? Yeah, Right,

You Big Liar!

Don't Be A Sore Loser, Martian.

You'll Have Fun At The Army Academy.

You'll Look Cute Bald.

Oh, Hope To See You At My Party Next Week.

Don't Hold Your Breath, Cheater.

It's About My Wife Eliza Van Dusen's Dog.

The Pomeranian?

Yes, Her Name Is Camille.

Can You Hold, Please?

Yes, I'll Hold.

Ought To Be Ashamed Charging That Much For A Candy Bar.

Oh, I'll Get One. There We Go.

Yeah, Yeah.

Mr. Van Dusen?

Martin, Was It? Make It Snappy, I'm On Hold.

It--It's About The Presentations.

Um, I Think There's Been--

Mr. Van Dusen?

Don't Ever Put Me On Hold Again!

Do You Have Any Idea Who I Am?

I'm Sorry, Sir.

I Wanted The Nails Trimmed On All 4 Paws.

The Nails On The Front Paws

Were Long Enough To Play The Piano.

I'm Bringing Camille Back In Tomorrow.

Am I Making Myself Clear? Thank You!

Walk With Me.

Whatever You Do, Don't Get Yourself A Show Dog, Martin.

With The Amount Of Money I Spend

On My Wife's Mutt Every Year

I Could Probably Send 5 Kids To Peterson Academy.

Um, Sir--

Sorry About That Scholarship, By The Way.

Couldn't Be There Myself For The Presentation.

The Spanish Rice Problem Spread To The Hash Browns.

Yeah, Um,

It's--It's About The Scholarship, Sir.

It Seems Ronny Somehow Wound Up With My Presentation.

I Can Certainly Understand How You'd Be Upset

At Not Winning That Scholarship,

But To Accuse Another Student

Of Cheating, That's, Well--

I'm Sure You're Well Aware

Of The Columbus Hall Stance On Cheating.

They're Against It?

Very Much So.

Our School Creed, Written By Our Founder

Armand Columbus, My Father-In-Law By The Way,

Includes The Phrase, "Steadfast In All That Is True."

You Know That Means, Don't You?

It's Anti-Cheating.

That's Right.

Isn't It Possible The Two Of You

Just Came Up With Similar Ideas?

It's Just That Ronny's Presentation

Was Word For Word Exactly Like Mine.

Didn't The Judges Say Anything?

W-Well, No, Sir.

See, I Didn't Give My Presentation

Because I Didn't Have My Materials.

You Took Them, Remember?

That's Right,

And I Had Them Destroyed.

So There--Ronny Couldn't Have Taken Your Materials.

C-Could You Maybe Just Ask Ronny About It?

Fine, I'll Ask.

Mrs. Pintuff?

Yes, Sir?

Call Ronny To My Office, Please.

Ronny Van Dusen...

I'll Try To Get To The Bottom Of This.

In The Meantime, Let's Not Go Around

Spreading Any Unsubstantiated Rumors.

Ronny, In My Office.

Uh, Excuse Me. I'm Going To Need

A Hall Pass To Get Back To Class.

Oh, Uh, Yeah.

Uh, I've Got A Bunch Here Somewhere.

Hmm! At Least I Should Have

A Bunch Here Somewhere...

But You Never Know. I Have Been Missing

A Lot Of Hall Passes Lately.

Oh, I'm Gonna Go Borrow One From Mr. Novak.

All Right.

Ooh! Heh Heh! I Do That All The Time.

I'll Be Right Back.

Thanks.

Did You Steal

Jay Martin's Presentation?

You Told Me To Win The Dumb Award.

This Is A New Low, Even For You.

Did You Honestly Think The Martin Kid

Wasn't Gonna Notice?

Well, I Thought About It, See?

See, But I Gave My Presentation Before He Did,

And I Knew He Wasn't Gonna Get Up There

And Do The Exact Same Presentation.

Pretty Smart, Huh? Ohh.

Where Are His Cards?

Oh, I Left Them In My Locker.

I Didn't Use Them. I Copied Them Over.

I Want You To Get Rid Of Those Cards.

I Don't Want Any Evidence

Linking A Van Dusen To Cheating.

You Understand? Pronto! You Must Be Out Of Your Mind.

Can I Go Now?

One More Thing We Need To Talk About.

These!

They Look Like Detention Slips.

Uh-Huh.

Uh, Are They Mine?

Your Mother's Been Complaining To Your Grandfather

That You're Out Of Control.

You Mess Up One More Time, Mister,

And There's Going To Be Dire Consequences.

Dire!

Ok, I Got You.

Let's See Your Pass.

I Don't Have One.

Morning Detention Tomorrow.

Wait Just A Second. Here Is His Pass.

He Must've Dropped It Back There.

Come On.

Thanks, Ronny. Why Did You Do That?

Please, Dorko. Now Listen,

I Don't Need You Ruining Detention For Me And My Friends.

Ok? We Have A Sweet Deal Going,

And You'll Come In And You'll Be All...

Behavey, See, And We Don't Need That.

It's Worth The 2 Bucks I Could've Gotten For The Pass.

Now Take A Hike.

Good.

Hey, Martian.

Watch It, Road Hog!

Ha Ha Ha! Nice Wheels, Buddy!

Mrs. Martin, Recording: Hi, You've Reached The Martin Residence.

Please Leave A Message After The Tone,

And We'll Get Back To You As Soon As We Can.

Thank You.

Hey, Little Brother, It's Me.

If You're Home, Pick Up The Phone, Please.

Come On, Pick It Up, Pick Up.

Jay, I Know You're Sitting There Listening To This.

All Right, Look, Uh, I'm Not Gonna Be Able

To Get Home Tonight, Ok?

My Jeep Broke Down, And The Guy Won't Be Able

To Get The Part Until Tomorrow.

So, I Want You To Call Up The Zachareys

And Ask Them If You Can Stay

At Their Place Tonight, Ok?

Uh, My New Eta Will Be

1600 Hours Tomorrow.

And, Jay,

No Screw-Ups!

If You Told Mr. Van Dusen,

Then He'll Have To Investigate It.

There's An Honor Code At Columbus.

"Steadfast In All That Is True."

I Told You, Van Dusen Already Knows,

And He's Not Gonna Do Anything About It,

And I'm Gonna Wind Up At Starkwell Next Year.

They're Gonna Shave My Head And Make Me Wear Boots.

Do You Want To Pet Clancy?

I've Heard That Petting A Dog Can Relieve Stress.

I Don't Think So. Dogs Hate Me.

Clancy Likes You.

He Told You That, Did He?

In A Way.

Dogs Have A Whole Lot Of Ways Of Communicating.

Fine, Fine, Fine. Have Clancy Send Me An E-Mail.

Look, Look, I'm Sorry.

It's Just I'm So Upset.

My Life Is So Unfair.

So Do Something.

Don't Just Sit Around And Mope About It.

There Has To Be A Way You Can Prove

That Ronny Stole Your Presentation,

And If You Have Some Proof,

Then You Can Go To The Teachers Who Were Judges.

Ha Ha!

I Just Thought Of A Plan.

I Gotta Go.

Ew! Whoa, Whoa, Hey!

Jay, Are You All Right?

Yeah.

Come On, We're Late!

They're Not Gonna Start Without Us.

You're The Headmaster And Ronny...

Ronny Is The Peterson Scholarship Winner,

And I Couldn't Be Prouder.

Hello! Hug The Kid In The Car If You Have To Hug Him.

I'd Like To Get There Sometime Tonight.

N-N-Nice, Doggie.

Shh! Shh!

Nice Doggie!

No, No, No! Shh!

Want A--

How About A Nice Gummy Candy?

Come On, Ronny,

I Know You Got My Presentation Here Somewhere.

Camille!

Come On!

Camille!

Camille!

Camille!

Camille?

Camille!

Is Someone There?

Ohh! Aah!

Aah!

Aah!

No, No, No! Bad Dog! Go Home!

Go!

Go! Shoo! Go!

Go! Shoo!

No, Camille, Go Home!

Get, Get, Get!

Go Home! Get! Go Away!

Come On, Man, Leave Me Alone!

Ugh!

Good! Now Go Home!

Camille, Come On!

Keep That Stupid Dog On A Leash!

Ok?

Ugh! Come On! Gross!

I'm Gonna Barf!

You're Welcome.

Man, This Is Just Great.

For A Dog They Spend So Much Money On,

They Sure Don't Watch Out For Her Very Well.

All Right, Come On To My Place.

We'll Call Your Owners When We Get There.

We're Gonna Have To Wait

Until After The Van Dusens Get Home

From The Ceremony To Call Them.

So, Um, Just Behave And...

Don't Bother Me.

Get Down.

Stay... Stay Down.

Would You Get Down? Dang.

We Put Enough Lead In That Thing To Sink It.

No Wonder It Stopped.

It Sure Did.

Do You Soldiers Hear That?

I'm Talking To You, Boy!

Why Don't You Get Down Right Now,

And Give Me 50!

That's What I Said--

1... 2...3...

What? What Do You Want?

I Don't Know What That Means.

Are You Hungry?

Fine. Fine.

Let's See What's In The Fridge.

What Do Dogs Eat? Hmm...

Here We Go. You Like Pasta?

There You Go.

Here, You Want Some Meatloaf?

Uh-Oh.

Hey, Are You Ok?

Hey, Man, Maybe You Should've Stopped Eating

After That Tofu Egg Salad.

Did You Kidnap The Van Dusen's Dog?

Is That Your Plan?

I Didn't Kidnap It.

It Just Followed Me Home When I Was

At Their House Looking For Evidence.

Hey, I'm Gonna Call The Van Dusens

To Come Get It After The Awards Ceremony.

Well, How Are You Going To Explain Being At Their Place?

Did Anybody See You?

Well, Their Maid Saw Me.

But I Put On A Mask Before She Could Know Who I Was.

Jay, You're In Trouble.

The Maid Saw Somebody Sneaking Around,

And Their Prize Show Dog Is Missing.

You're Gonna Call,

And Van Dusen Is Gonna Know You Were There.

You Think?

Listen...

Just Bring The Dog Back To Van Dusen's House And Leave Her.

Go In There. Go. Go In There. Stay.

No!

This Is Where You Live.

Now, Stay In There. Go, Ok, Go.

Stay In There!

Oh, Oh, Man! Go Home!

Come On.

You Are Not Coming Home With Me.

Ok?

Stop Following Me, Man. Go Home!

No, No! You Are Not Coming Home With Me.

Man, Peterson Is Tight.

Forget It. You're Going To Starkwell.

Camille! C'mere, Camille!

Dad?

Put It Anywhere You Want.

Ok.

Ronny, Come On!

Not On The Floor!

Camille? Camille.

C'mere, Camille.

Welcome To Espn's Highlights Of Today's Masters Action.

Reporting From The Clubhouse...

Ward, I Can't Find Camille.

She Must Be Around Here Somewhere.

I've Looked Everywhere.

Everywhere, Eliza? That Seems Improbable.

Come Help Me Look!

Ah! Ah! Ah!

Get Out Of Here!

Adele, It's Me! What Are You Doing?!

Adele, What In The World Do You Think You're Doing?!

You Nearly Spatula-Ed Me To Death!

Oh! Mr. Van Dusen!

Yeah!

I Am So Sorry.

I Tried To Stop Them,

But There Were Too Many Of Them.

Too Many Of Who?

They Were In The Pool House.

I--

The Pool House.

Ronny?!

Yeah, Dad?

Is Everything All Right In The Pool House?

Yeah, It's Fine. Just Stay Out.

And Now For That Incredible Hole In One...

Ward, I'm Worried.

Adele Said The Yard Was Swarming

With Huge Masked Men.

Seems Fine Now.

Ronny Said The Pool House Is Ok.

Probably Just Some Neighborhood Kids.

Did You Notice Anything Missing?

Yes, Camille!

What If They Took Her?

She's A Valuable Show Dog.

They Must Know How Much She's Worth.

She's Fine.

The Regional Dog Show Trials Are Only A Week Away.

She Has To Be Ready To Compete.

She's Probably Just Scared And Hiding.

She'll Turn Up. She Always Turns Up.

But Ward! You Know How Camille Gets

Without Her Medications.

Without Her Medications...

Nice Doggie. Calm Down, It's Ok.

It's Ok... It's Ok...

Oh, No! Aah!

Oh No! Aah! Aah!

Aah!

Aah!

How Can Such A Little Dog Cause So Much Damage?

Dad's Glove.

Oh!

Man, Mike Is Gonna Flip Out.

What Are You Gonna Do?

I Gotta Get Rid Of That Dog, First.

I Just Don't Know How To Get It Back To The Van Dusens

Without Them Thinking I Stole It.

I Tried Leaving The Stupid Dog There Again Last Night,

But She Wouldn't Stay.

What If You Called Them Up

And Disguised Your Voice

So They Didn't Know It Was You

And Told Them You Were Leaving The Dog

In A Basket In The Park,

And They Could Just Come And Pick It Up?

Hey. Hey, That's Not Such A Bad Idea.

Testing. 1... 2...3.

Hello?

Good Morning, Mr. Van Dusen.

Who Is This?

I Have Your Dog.

Really?

You've Kidnapped Our Dog.

No... No. No, I Didn't Kidnap--

You Didn't Kidnap The Dog?

That's Funny. I Thought That's What It Was Called

When Someone Breaks Into A House,

Steals A Person's Dog,

Then Calls Up With A Disguised Voice

Asking For Ransom.

Mr. Van Dusen, You Don't Understand--

No, You Don't Understand.

I'm Glad You Took The Dog. You Can Keep Her.

Don't Even Try To Bring Her Back.

And If I Find You Anywhere Near My House With That Dog

I'll Have You Arrested So Fast

It'll Make Your Head Spin.

Oh, And By The Way,

How's Camille Doing Without Her Medication?

Ha Ha Ha!

Oh...

Oh! Oh! Oh!

Aah!

Get Off Me, You Stupid Dog!

Uhh! Get Off!

Whoa, Whoa, Whoa!

Aah!

Bye-Bye, Camille.

Sadly, I Won't Be Needing These Allergy Pills Anymore.

I'll Never Sneeze Again Without That Mutt.

Hah!

Ahh!

Ha Ha Ha! Ha!

No, No! Go Away! Leave Me Alone!

Aah!

Heh Heh! Ha Ha Ha!

Gotcha!

You Might As Well Stop

Because I'm Not Letting You Out

Until I Figure Out What To Do With You.

You Don't Ever Give Up, Do You?

Aah! Oohh!

Aah! Aaahhh!

Get Off Of Me!

Aah! Get Off Of Me!

Heh Heh! Ha Ha!

Let Go Of Me, You Stupid Dog!

Whoa!

Ha!

Ha Ha Ha Ha!

What Are You Doing Home Already?

You Said You'd Be Home At 1600 Hours.

You're, Like, 500 Hours Early.

The Garage Got The Part For The Jeep Early.

Is That Ok With You?

Hey, What Is Up With That?

Oh, I--I Had A Little Accident

Climbing A Tree.

Yeah, Whatever.

Hey, Those Are My Socks!

Man, Do We Have To Start This Again.

I Do Own Socks. I Don't Steal Yours.

Yeah, Whatever. We'll Just Have A Little Look

In Your Dresser, Shall We?

Here. Carry This.

Oof!

You're Gonna Have To Toughen Up, Little Brother,

If You're Gonna Cut It At Starkwell Next Year.

Come On, Keep Up. Let's Go, Double Time.

Now, I Heard About The Peterson Scholarship.

How?

Rule Number One, Little Brother,

Always Have Informants, Ok?

Now, I Know You Worked Hard On That Scholarship,

But Don't Sweat It. You're Better Off.

Don't Go In There!

Why Not?

Maybe We Could Go Out To Lunch.

You Know, Maybe A Nice Monte Cristo?

Maybe A Reuben, Some Sauerkraut?

I Missed You?

Nice Try.

Excuse Me.

I Can Explain.

Come Here, You.

You Threw A Party, Didn't You?

No.

No, You Don't Understand. I Was Just--

You Little Meatstain! When I Get Through With You,

There Isn't Gonna Be Enough Of You Left To Spread On Toast!

Come Here!

Oh, You're Dead, Meatstain.

Ahh!

Mom's Gonna Hear About This!

Ahh! Ahh!

What Was That?

No--Don't--Noth--

No, No, No. Wait. Ok.

See? There's Nothing In There, Ok?

Yeah, See?

Ahh!

Ooh! Ooh!

What Is This Thing?

Ahh! Ahh!

Ahhh!

He's Right Behind You. Hurry Up!

All Right, Explain. Whose Dog Is That?

It's The Van Dusens' Dog.

Headmaster Van Dusen?

He Wanted Me To Help Watch It For A While.

And I Asked Mom, And She Said It Was Ok.

Oh, Yeah, Right. Prove It.

How Am I Supposed To Prove It?

Why Else Would I Have The Van Dusens' Dog?

Yeah. Well, You Know What?

I'm Not Taking Responsibility

For That Stupid Pooch, Ok?

Now You Get Out There And Clean Up That Mess.

I'm Not Helping.

Get Out There And Subdue That Dog!

Go!

Ahh! Oh!

Get Out Of There!

Oh, For Crying Out Loud!

Step Aside, Son.

Watch How A Real Man

Handles That Stupid Mutt.

Hey, Dog!

Aah! Ahh! No!

No, No, No!

I Can't Fight! I Can't! Wait! Wait...

No! No!

Mike, Give Me Your Hand!

Aah!

Mike!

Jay, Do Something, Man!

Get Me Off Of This Table.

Look, It's Starting To Crack, Man!

You Gotta Help Me! Do Something!

Distract It Or Something!

Come Over Here.

No, No, No!

Get Out Of Here! Shoo! Shoo!

The Table Is Cracking!

Just Come Over Here!

Ow!

You Ok?

No!

Stay Close To Me. I Got You.

Ha Ha Ha. Yeah.

What's Happening?

Cheap Batteries.

Fetch!

Into The Kitchen!

Hurry Up!

Ahh!

Shoo! Shoo! Shoo!

Ahh!

Go Away!

Go Check It Out.

Is She All Right?

She's Still Breathing.

I Think She Just Knocked Herself Out.

She Should Be Ok.

Man, You Really Saved My Skin Back There.

Ha.

Don't Mention It.

You Think Well On Your Feet,

And You Keep A Cool Head Under Pressure.

Those Are Good Qualities In A Soldier.

Go Away!

I Said--

Phooh.

Hello, Ward.

Mr. Columbus, Sir.

Ward, We've Been All Through This.

Mr. Columbus Was My Father.

Besides, We're Family.

You Can Just Call Me Sir.

Yes, Sir. I Guess You've Heard About Our Tragedy.

Poor Camille.

That's Why I'm Here.

Eliza Called Me, Distraught.

She Loves That Dog.

As Do We All, Sir.

I'll Cut Right To The Chase, Ward.

Find That Dog.

Whatever It Takes.

Eliza Wants To Win That Dog Show.

Make My Daughter Happy

Or I'll Find A Competent Headmaster For My School.

Where's The Money Mom Left?

In The Cookie Jar.

And When You Get Finished Over Here,

Get Started On The Living Room.

And I Suggest You Shake A Leg.

We've Got Some Calisthenics To Get To, Soldier.

What? No Way!

Hey, Don't Give Me Any Lip. All Right?

This Is For Your Own Good.

Now You May Be Smart,

But You're Still A Little Scrawny.

You Won't Last A Week At Starkwell.

Now What's Van Dusen's Number?

I'm Gonna Call Him And Tell Him To Pick Up His Insane Dog.

No, No, No!

I Mean, I'll Do It.

You Know...

This Is All My Fault Anyway, So...

I Should Be Responsible For It.

That's What I Like To Hear.

Good, Good, Little Brother.

You're Taking Responsibility For Yourself.

Now, I'm Gonna Be Upstairs Napping,

And When Mom Calls,

I Want To Talk To Her.

Please Ring.

I'll Be A Nicer Person, I Promise.

I Won't Ever--

Hello? Hello?

Hello, Mr. Van Dusen.

Ah, It's You.

Yeah. Um, I'm Gonna Leave Your Dog In The Park.

Well, What Do You Want? $2,000?

'Cause That's All She's Worth, Really.

No, No. That's Not What--

Not What You Had In Mind? Ok, Ok.

5,000.

You Said The Park?

Let's Meet At The Ice Skating Rink.

4:00. Ok?

Ah.

Do I Even Want To Know

What You Were Up To In There?

I Thought You Were Taking A Nap.

I Changed My Mind.

Well, I Didn't Want To Disturb You,

So I Called Up Mr. Van Dusen

And Asked Him If I Can Bring The Dog Back Now.

And He Said Meet Him At The Park,

So Can I Get A Lift?

Well, I Guess I Do Owe You From Before, So Let's Go.

Did You Ask Van Dusen For Money?

What? Excuse Me?

For The Damages To The House.

I Mean, His Dog Caused It.

I'd Say It's At Least A Couple Hundred Bucks' Worth.

Oh. Uh, Oh...

Hey, Ask Him.

Ok? He's Loaded.

He Owes Us.

Ok. All Right, Sure. I'll Ask.

Hurry, Man. She's Waking Up.

What?

Ahh! Oh, My God!

Ahh!

Pull Over!

I'm Pullin'!

Ahh!

Hey, Man, Jump!

Jump!

Run! Run!

No, No!

She's Getting Away!

Great. This Is Just Great.

No, See, Now You're Gonna Have To Tell

Van Dusen That You Lost His Dog.

But She's A Small Dog. She Can't Go Too Far.

No. You Know What? I Did Not Sign Up

For A Search And Rescue, Ok?

This Is Your Responsibility Now.

I'm Going Home.

And When You Get Home,

If I Just So Happen To Be Asleep,

Please Don't Wake Me, All Right?

Good Luck.

Thanks For Nothing!

Good Afternoon.

Hi.

Do We Have Business To Take Care Of?

What Kind Of Business?

Doggie Business.

Hey! Watch It, Mister.

Ahh!

Ugh.

Find The Dog?

Don't Worry About It.

Well, How Much Money

Did Van Dusen Fork Over?

Um, W-W-Well,

He Didn't Give Me Any Money

'Cause You Know How He Is.

Said It's Not His Fault.

Jay, Come On, Little Brother!

His Dog Is A Nut Case!

You Don't Ask Someone To Watch Your Dog

And Then Not Tell Them That.

You Know What?

I'll Get Him To Pay.

No, No, No! Don't Do That!

Because, Um...

'Cause You Can't.

Actually, Yes, I Can.

Why? Because He Owes Us.

Now Hand Over The Phone!

Hey, Give Me That.

Let Go! Hey, Come Here!

Come Here.

Come Here.

Get Off Me.

Yeah, Come Here. Give It.

Give It, Give It. Let Go.

Let Go!

Man, Stop. That's My Drawing Hand.

Then Let Go!

Give Me It!

Ha, See?

Mike!

There's Something I've Gotta Tell You.

How Could You Let This Happen To You?!

You Should Have Spoken Up Right From The Very Beginning,

Right When You Knew That Ronny

Was Giving Your Presentation!

You Have Got To Find A Spine, Little Brother!

You're Gonna Get Crushed At Starkwell.

Man, Enough With The Starkwell Stuff Already!

I Don't Want To Go To Starkwell!

I Don't Want The Same Things You Want, Mike.

I Want To Study Art.

Art Is For People Who Think

That They're Better Than Everyone Else!

And I'll Tell You Something Else, Little Brother.

If It Wasn't For The Military,

People Wouldn't Even Be Able To Waste Their Time With Art,

Because There Wouldn't Be Any Freedom.

Dad Would've Wanted Me To Do Whatever I Wanted To Do.

Look, I Can't Get Involved With This.

A Thing Like This

Could Ruin My Military Career.

You Figure It Out.

I'm Not Helping.

I Don't Want Any Part Of This.

Why Would This Time Be Any Different?

You Never Helped Me With Anything!

That's Because You've Always Been Such A Little Baby!

Gosh, You're Such A Snot!

Oh, Here Come The Tears.

Go Ahead. Cry, Baby.

Man, I Hate You!

This Is What I Get.

This Is What I Get After Being A Brother

And A Father To You For The Past 6 Years.

That's Really Nice, Jay.

Man, You Were Nothing To Me!

You Just Don't Remember.

You Were Too Young When It Happened.

Man, I Used To Do A Ton Of Stuff For You.

Man, I Remember Plenty.

This One Night For Sure...

Right After He Died.

I Was 7 Years Old.

I Had A Nightmare, And I Crawled Into Your Bed.

I Was Crying, And You Woke Up And You Pushed Me Out.

You Wouldn't Even Listen To Me.

All You Said To Me Was Stop Being Such A Baby.

But I Was 7, Mike.

I Was A Baby.

I Don't Remember That.

Well, I'll Never Forget It.

It's When I Learned I Should Never Count On You.

Hey. Just... Just Wait, Ok?

Sit Down.

Forget About The Stupid Dog, Ok?

It Followed You Home. It Got Out On Its Own.

It Probably Would've Been Lost Anyway.

I Don't Know, Mike.

I Mean...

It Sort Of Is My Fault That The Dog Got Out.

Please.

I'm Sure That Silly Dog Couldn't Wait

To Get Away From Van Dusen.

Come On.

Someone Will Find It, Adopt It.

It'll Be Much Happier.

I Guess.

And I'm Gonna Call Van Dusen And Get To The Bottom

Of This Stolen Presentation Thing.

No One Steals From The Martins.

If Ronny Won With Your Presentation,

Then You Deserve That Scholarship,

And I'm Gonna Get It For You.

But Van Dusen Is Just Gonna Deny It.

We'll See.

Don't Worry About It.

You Ok?

But Mr. Van Dusen,

The Presentations Were Exactly The Same.

Uh-Huh.

Word For Word.

I've Been Over All This With Your Brother, Michael.

Sir--

Ronny Wrote That Presentation Himself.

Are We Clear On This Now?

Good Night.

Well, What Did He Say?

Well, He Said Ronny Wrote The Presentation.

Told You He Would Say That.

Well, He's Obviously Lying.

How Can You Tell?

Well, His Mouth Was Moving For One,

And Secondly, Van Dusen's Pond Scum, Ok?

He's Always Been Pond Scum.

That's How I Know He's Lying.

Hey, Do You Remember That Time When I Was At Columbus

And I Got Cut From The Baseball Team

To Make Room For His Nephew

Who Never Played Baseball Before In His Life?

Well, Mike, There's Nothing We Can Do About It Now.

Well, We Have To Do Something.

I Mean, We Can't Just Let Van Dusen

Get Away With This.

You Know What?

Here's What We'll Do.

We'll Find This Mutt Of His, Right?

And Since Van Dusen Seems So Eager To Pay A Reward

For His Lost Pooch,

We'll Just Let Him.

But In The Meantime,

We Have To Stall For Time While We Look For The Dog.

Wait, Mike.

Are You Sure This Is The Right Thing To Do?

Hey, This Is About Family Honor, Jay.

You're Going To The Peterson Academy.

You Worked Hard For That Scholarship, All Right?

You Deserve It.

Ok, What Did You Do With My Brother Mike?

Ha Ha. Very Funny.

Hey, But If We Do This,

We're Gonna Do It The Army Way, Ok?

Strict And Covert.

Not A Word About This To Anyone. You Understand?

Right.

All Right.

It Is Gonna Be A Great Party.

It Will. It's Gonna Be Great.

But It Would Be Even Better If You Could Be There.

Jay!

Hey, Ronny.

Martian.

What's Up?

Nothin'.

Anyway, Listen.

If You Guys Need Hall Passes,

I Mean, If You Do Need 'Em,

I Am Running A Special This Week.

2 For One.

So, You Should Call Me About The Party Or... Or

Uh, You Know, You Should E-Mail Me, Page Me, Fax Me,

Write Me, Whatever.

All Right, Babe? Bye.

I'm Glad You Made It, Jay.

Ronny's Been Hanging Around Me Like A Mosquito.

Never Stops Being A Pest.

Jay Martin,

Please Report To Mr. Van Dusen's Office.

Jay Martin, Report To Mr. Van Dusen's Office.

Mr. Martin?

Yes, Sir?

My Dog Is Missing.

I Want To Talk To You About Getting Her Back.

I Am So Sorry, Mr. Van Dusen--

Yeah, Yeah, I Know.

Looks Like A Textbook Dog-Napping Job.

Obviously, Somebody Knows How Much

A Prize Show Dog Is Worth.

I'm Putting Student Council

In Charge Of Posting Reward Signs.

As President, I Want You To Organize It.

$5,000 For Information

Leading To The Return Of Camille.

Wow... That's A Lot Of Money.

Whoever Tries To Bring The Little Fluffball Back

Is Obviously The Dog-Napper.

When They Show Up With The Dog,

I'll Have Him Arrested. Everybody's Happy.

I Want Them Up By Tonight!

300 Signs!

No Excuses.

Go, Go, Go!

Oh. Yes, Sir.

He Talked About Them Getting Arrested.

What Do I Do?

He Wants To Start A War? All Right.

We Can Play That Game For A Little While.

What About The Posters?

Stall As Long As You Can, All Right?

Meet Me At Home, 1600 Hours.

Yes, Hello?

Hello, Van Dusen.

Where Were You Last Night?

I Waited Over An Hour.

Where Was I? Where Were You?

I Was There.

At The Fountain?

The Marble Statue Of The Angels

In The Center Of The Park?

You Said The Ice Skating Rink Near The Entrance.

That Is Insane.

Why Would I Ever Agree To Meet You

At An Ice Rink?

Witnesses, Man! Unh!

Use A Little Common Sense, Will You?

Look, I Don't Have To---

Never Mind.

I Forgive You.

What?

All Right. Now, Here's What We're Gonna Do, Ok?

Just So There's No Confusion Or Mix-Ups.

I Want You To Meet Me At, Um...

Mrs. Bee's Bakery

At Exactly 4:00.

Come Alone. No Cops.

No Cops.

I Want You To Purchase A Large Sheet Cake...

And Have Them Write On It--

I'm Trying To Use The Phone, Man.

Excuse Me, You Know?

Get To Steppin'. All Right.

Have Them Write On It...

"The Itsy Bitsy Spider"

In Blue--No, Red Icing.

That Is Ludicrous.

Of Course It's Ludicrous!

That's The Point, Van Dusen! Man!

You Want The Dog, Don't You?

Tell Me You Want The Dog.

Now, Listen Up, All Right,

'Cause There's A Little More.

Uh, Jay?

Why Can't We Just Make One Poster

And Photocopy It, Like, 300 Times?

Well, Van Dusen Wants Colorful, Attractive Posters.

If They Were All The Same,

People Would Start Ignoring Them, Right?

Mm-Hmm.

All Right, Guys. We Need 300 Posters.

So, Let's Pick Up The Pace.

All Right, Guys. It's Time To Assemble A Posting Team.

I'll Lead, And I'll Take, Um--

Oh, Oh, Oh! Pick Me. Oh, Oh, Oh!

Oh...

Bill And Andy.

Yes!

Bill And Andy?

Are You Kidding?

I Thought Van Dusen Wanted These Posters Up

By This Century.

They Haven't Even Finished

Their First Poster.

Well, Guys, We Need About 150 More.

So, Let's Keep 'Em Coming. Here, Take That.

Come On.

Hey, Thanks, Jay.

This Is Way Cooler Than Coloring.

Yeah, Way, Way Cooler.

Here, Give Me Some Of These.

Bill, We're Gonna Have To Split Up

If We're Gonna Get All These Posters Up By Tonight.

Uh, Where Do You Want 'Em Posted?

You Know What, Andy?

I'm Gonna Let You Guys Decide

Where You Think The Most People Will Check 'Em Out.

Oh, And, Uh...

Good Luck, Guys.

♪ Itsy, Bitsy Spider ♪

♪ Went Up The Water Spout ♪

♪ Down Came The Rain ♪

♪ And Washed The Spider Out ♪

I Just Knew He'd Pick Us.

I Just Knew.

This Is Perfect 'Cause People Stand Here

For Like Ten Minutes Washing Their Cars.

Yeah, Then They'll Have To Read The Poster.

Here We Go. All Right.

Don't Be Afraid Of It. It's Not Gonna Bite You.

All Right.

Are You Sure About This?

Yeah, I'm Positive.

All Right.

Done?

Yeah, Close It Up Tight.

♪ Itsy, Bitsy Spider ♪

♪ Went Up The Water Spout ♪

♪ Down Came The Rain ♪

♪ And Washed The Spider Out ♪

♪ Out Came The Sun ♪

♪ And Dried Up All The Rain ♪

♪ And The Itsy, Bitsy Spider ♪

♪ Went Up The Spout Again ♪

♪ Itsy, Bitsy Spider ♪

♪ Went Up The Water Spout ♪

♪ Down Came The Rain ♪

♪ And Washed The Spider Out ♪

♪ Out Came The Sun ♪

Oh...

♪ The Itsy, Bitsy Spider ♪

♪ Went Up The Garden Hose ♪

♪ Down Came The Snow ♪

♪ And Broke The Spider's Nose ♪

Hey, What About That Pole Over There?

Perfect. It's By A Stop Light.

People Will Have To Stop

And Read The Poster.

So They Don't Blow Away.

Ok.

Here You Go.

Ok.

So, How Does It Look?

It Looks Great.

Oh, No, Wait!

Oh, Come Back! Come Back!

Oh, No. He Got Our Posters!

Hey, Give Us Back Our Posters!

Oh, No, Come Back...

Still No Sign.

This Is Starting To Look Suspicious.

We Better Try Something Else.

Hey, Man! Yo, There She Is!

Yes!

Oh, Yeah. We Got Her. She's On The Line.

Aah!

Aah!

She's Gone! Now What Are We Gonna Tell Van Dusen?

I Think We Need A Little More Time.

I'm Gonna Have You The Dog By Friday, Sir.

Friday.

Absolutely. My Promise.

I'm Not Kidding Around.

All Righty, Then. Bye-Bye.

I'm Tired Of Your Excuses, Ward.

Yes, Sir. Bye-Bye.

The Dog Show Is Friday. I Want That Dog--

Yes, Sir. Good-Bye.

Do You Know What I'm Saying, Ward--

I'm Sorry, Sir. I Wasn't Hanging The Phone Up--

What Happened, You Sneaky Weasel?

Oh, It's You! Listen To Me.

I Did Everything You Asked Me To,

And You Still Didn't Show Up.

You Called The Police, Didn't You?

I Did No Such Thing. You're Just Trying

To Make A Buffoon Out Of Me.

I'm Done With Your Games!

Hey, That Place Was Swarming With Badges,

And You Know It.

Now, You Hold On A Minute--

No, I Don't Have A Minute, Van Dusen.

So, Listen Up, All Right?

4:30 Today.

Go By The, Uh, Bowling Alley.

Get Yourself A Bright Orange Bowling Ball.

I Want You To Bowl 10 Straight Frames

Of Gutter Balls.

Not One Pin Knocked Down, You Understand Me, Mister?

The Last Frame, Your Ball Will Be Returned To You

With A Note Attached

Telling You Where To Find The Dog.

Oh, By The Way, Uh,

Does Your Wife Have A Frilly Robe

And Some Fluffy Slippers?

Yes! Goose Egg.

"O" For 10.

Guess It's Not My Night.

Where's That Note?

I Want My Note!

Where's My Note?

You Promised Me A Note!

I Want It! Give It To Me Now!

I Want That Note!

Oh, No!

Get Away. Get Away.

Mommy! Get Away.

Oh, Mommy!

There She Is.

See, I Told You I Knew Her Voice.

You Don't Listen To That Yapping All Night

Without Getting It Burned Into Your Mind.

All Right Now. Just Stay Behind Me, All Right?

She Might Make A Run For It.

All Right, Come On. Watch My Back.

All Right, Come Here.

Come On, Stay Close. Stay Close, Come On.

Hi. Come Here, Girl. Come Here, Camille.

Come Here, Dog.

Come On, Camille.

I Got Her.

All Right, Come On. Get Her, Get Her, Get Her!

Whoa!

I Don't Believe It.

Me Neither.

Nice. Well Done, Little Brother.

Come Here, You Stupid Dog. Hello.

She Acts A Lot More Normal Now.

Yeah.

I Guess All She Needed Was To Run Around

And Burn Off Some Energy, You Know?

I Mean, She Spends Half Her Life At The Groomer

And The Other Half Going To Dog Shows.

She Just Needed To Chill Out And Be

A Regular Dog For A While.

Now We Can Really Set Up That Trade, You Know?

I Got A Good Feeling About This, Jay.

I've Been Informed That We're Up And Running

At Your House As Well.

Good.

I Want That Miscreant Behind Bars

As Soon As Possible.

This Way, Son.

You, Uh... You Wanted To--

What?

You Wanted To See Me, Sir?

I Want 300 New Posters, Martin,

With A Police Hotline Number On 'Em.

Get On It Right Away.

Excuse Me, Excuse Me, Excuse Me.

No Way.

No Way!

Excuse Me, Are You Gonna Be Long?

'Cause I Have To Make A Really Important--

Shh!

Are You Serious?

No Way.

No Way.

Really?

No Way.

No Way, No Way, No Way.

Hello.

Hello For The Last Time, Van Dusen.

What Do You Mean?

Well, Either We Settle This Matter Today,

Or It Does Not Get Settled At All.

Yeah, Right.

Yeah, Right.

I'm So Sure.

No Way.

He Is Not.

She Is Not.

We Are Not!

This Is An Emergency. I'm Really Sorry.

Oh!

Let's Just Keep It Nice And Simple, All Right?

Let's Meet In A...

Simple Location In A Secluded Part--

Oh, You Know What? Hold On.

That's My Other Line.

He Put Me On Hold.

That's Excellent. That Buys More Time.

We Just Need 2 Minutes.

Hello?

The Police Are Tapping Van Dusen's Phone!

What?

I'm On The Other Line With Him Right Now.

Hang Up! Hang Up Now!

Van Dusen?

Yes.

I Thought Of A Place.

Uh, You Know? I Gotta Go. Bye.

Ghee!

He Hung Up On Me.

Jay!

Hey, Jay! Over Here.

Hey, Man, Any Sign?

No. The Trace Must Not Have Gone Through.

We Can't Just Turn Her In Now.

Well, Maybe We Can Let Her Loose,

And Hopefully, Someone Will Find Her.

What If She Gets Hit By A Car?

I Can't Live With That.

Look, It's Either That Or We Go To Jail.

I Mean, Do You Understand, Jay?

Our Lives Could Be Ruined By This.

Mike, Look.

I'm Sorry I Got You Involved In This.

Look, If We Get Arrested,

I Promise I Will Take All The Blame.

And If I Wasn't Such A Wimp,

None Of This Would Have Ever Happened.

No, See. We're In This Together.

And We'll Get Out Of It Together.

Good.

'Cause I Think I Got A Plan That'll Get Us

Out Of All Of This.

All Right. Well, Let's Hear It.

All Right. First...

So...

What Do You Think Of My Disguise?

I Told You, Man.

It Looks Like You Cut It Off The Dog.

Really?

It's 'Cause I Did.

I Don't Know About This, Little Brother.

It Seems Really Risky To Me.

It's Simple. See, Look.

The Police Are In The Main House.

So, I'll Just Sneak Through

The Neighbors' Backyards...

And Into The Pool House.

But If Ronny's There,

You Just Distract Him For A Little Bit.

It'll Be Fine.

I Guess...

But I Don't Really Know A Whole Lot

About Bmx Bikes.

Just Wing It.

Ok, When You Hear The Bird Call--

Caw, Caw--

Get Out Of There.

Hey, Did You Draw This All From Memory?

Yeah.

It's Really Good, Jay.

Thanks.

All Right, Camille.

Ready To Go Home?

Oh, I'm Gonna Miss You, Too.

So Long, Puppy Dog.

Shh! Quiet! Quiet!

Don't Worry, Camille. We're Just Gonna Take You

For A Little Walk In The Basket, Ok?

Good Girl. Who's A Good Dog?

How'd You Get Her To Do That?

I Don't Know.

I Was Just Nice To Her.

All Right.

Wish Me Luck.

You Don't Need Luck, Little Brother.

It's A Good Plan.

Oh!

Go On, Suggs.

Go Outside. Do Your Business.

Aah! Aah!

Aah, Get Off Of Me! Get Away! Aah!

Oh, Aah, Aah!

Get Away From Me! Get Away, Get Away!

Aah!

Come Here, Suggs!

Come On, Boy!

Good Boy, Suggs.

Hi. Who Are You?

Hi, I'm Fred Fredrickson.

Yeah, I'm A Reporter From Bmx Magazine.

I Was Wondering If You'd Be Interested In Doing

A Small Review For The Magazine?

Wait. Wait, How Did You Know I Like Bmx Bikes?

Well, You Do Subscribe To The Magazine, Don't You?

No. No, I Don't.

I Get My Issues Up The Street.

Ok, Well, You Know What?

If You're Not Interested

In Getting A Free Bmx Bike

For Writing A Real Kid's Review, That's Ok--

No, Actually, I'm Interested.

I--What Do I Do To Get The Bike?

Well, Just Answer A Few Questions For Us

To See If You Qualify, Ok?

Let's Have 'Em.

Ok, Um, Questions.

Let's See What We Got Here. Um...

Ok, Uh, Bmx Stands For What, Exactly?

Uh, Bicycle Motocross.

Next.

Ok, Um...

Let's Go, Let's Go, Let's Go...

Oh, Man.

Um...

Those Things That The Bmx Frame Rides On.

What Are Those Called?

You Mean The Tires?

You're Good, Mister.

You're Really Good.

Ok, Um, Well...

To "Pop A Wheelie" Means

To Do What In Bmx Jargon?

These Questions Are Ridiculous, And--

You Know What? That's Wrong. I'm Sorry.

No, You Know What? I Know The Answer.

I've Been Trying--

Oh--

I...

Zzz--Ok?

I Can Only Accept Your Initial Answer To The Question.

Next Question.

Oh.

What Was That?

Oh, Sorry.

I Had A Little Rumble In My Stomach.

I'm A Little Hungry.

So, Tell Me, What Kind Of Axel Grease

Does Bmx Rider Kai Vierstra Prefer?

What's The Guy's Name?

Uh, Kai Vierstra.

It's In The Throat.

Rrr...

Yeah, Uh-Huh.

I Don't Know.

Hello?

Hello, Mr. Van Dusen.

Sorry I Had To Hang Up On You The Last Time.

I, Uh...

I Stubbed My Toe.

Anyway, This Is Your Last Chance

To Get Your Dog Back, So Listen Up.

I'm Listening.

Meet Me Behind Fineman's Deli

In One Hour.

It's Secluded There.

Good-Bye, Mr. Van Dusen.

No, Wait, Can--

He Hung Up.

No, He Didn't Break The Connection.

We're Still Tracing.

Oh, We're Gonna Get Him.

Come On.

I'm Gonna Miss You.

Look...

I Don't Really Have Time For A Long Good-Bye, But...

You Be Good, Ok?

Uh, Well...

Uh, Mars Is The Fourth,

Fifth, Or Sixth Planet From The Sun?

Wait, That Has Nothing To Do With Bmx Bikes.

Bye, Camille.

Caw, Caw!

Oh, You Know What? It's A Moot Point,

Because You Didn't Pass The Test.

Wait, What Do You Mean, I Didn't Pass?

I Got One Wrong.

No, No, No.

See, You Missed The Whole

"Pop A Wheelie" Question, And--

That's Still One Wrong!

Thank You So Much For Playing. I Appreciate Your Time, Ok,

But We've Got A Lovely Parting Gift For You Today.

Please Enjoy These Free Bmx Magazines.

Have A Great Day, Ok?

Buh-Bye.

I Won, Really.

It Says The Call Is Coming In From This Address.

It Can't Be. We're All Right Here.

Except For...

Go, Go!

Hello?

Hello, Indeed.

Oh, Hey, You Found Camille.

We Certainly Did, And I, For One, Am Speechless.

My Own Son. I Would Never Have Guessed.

Oh, Is My Little Baby All Right? Oh...

Is This What You Were Gonna Do With The Money?

Buy A Bmxer I Already Said You Couldn't Have?

First Of All, Stop Calling It A Bmxer.

That's Not What It Is.

And Second Of All,

What Are You Talking About?

Don't Play Innocent With Us, Young Man.

Kidnapping Your Own Mother's Dog.

How Low Can You Get?

I'd Say The Apple Doesn't Fall Very Far From The Tree, Ward.

Everybody Wants To Get Where They're Going As Fast As They Can.

Including Those With Physical Challenges.

Our Town Can Make Greater Efforts To Create

A More Handicapped Accessible Environment

With The Addition Of Moving Sidewalks

Throughout The Entire Town,

And Automatic Doors Outside Of Every Building.

We Could Begin The Process

Of Reversing Discrimination

Against The Physically Challenged In Our World...

And Eventually, In The Entire World.

You Just Heard Jay Martin's Scholarship-Winning

Community Improvement Presentation.

In Light Of Some Recent Occurrences,

We Re-Opened The Competition.

And So, Mr. Martin Will Be Attending

The Donald Peterson Academy

On A Full Scholarship.

Good Job, Man. Well Done.

Thanks.

Come Here, Come Here. Good Job.

Knucklehead!

Before We Call The Graduates Up

To Receive Their Diplomas,

I'll Make A Short Speech About The Promise Of The Future,

Then You Will Introduce Our Key Note Speaker,

Nurse Ketcham.

You Buzzed, Sir?

Yes, Ward.

I'd Like Another Orange Soda,

With Less Ice This Time.

And Another Root Beer For Mr. Martin.

Sorry To Interrupt, Daddy,

But I Just Had To Stop By With The Good News.

Did You See That?

I've Never Seen Camille Take To Someone Like That.

Guess I... Just Have A Way With Dogs.

This Dog Is An Excellent Judge Of Character.

What Are You Doing Here, Dear?

Oh, I Just Had To Come By. I Couldn't Wait.

I Just Came From The Vet,

And He Said That Camille Was Just Fine.

He Said That All This Time She Was Probably Just Stressed!

That Couldn't Wait Until I Got Home?

Ooh, No, This Couldn't. It's The Most Wonderful News In The World.

Camille Is Going To Have Puppies!

Of Course, I Want To Keep Most Of Them.

But... Since Camille Seems To Like Jay So Much...

Would You Like One Of Her Puppies?

Yeah, Thanks.

But The Puppies Will Play Havoc With My Allergies.

Oh, I Know. With Ronny Off At School,

You Can Move Into The Pool House.

It's For Your Own Good.

Thank You, Dear.

Hey, Mr. Van Dusen.

Congratulations On The Puppies.

It Couldn't Have Happened To A Nicer Guy.

March... Left!

Left! Left!

March Left!

Platoon Halt!

I'm Proud Of You, Son.

You've Whipped This Sorry Group Into Fine Shape.

Thank You, Sir!

Carry On.

About... Face!

Cadet Van Dusen!

What Is The Starkwell Creed, Son?!

Always Try Harder! Never Give Up, Sir!

What Are The 3 Rs, Son?!

Rules, Regimen, And Respect, Sir!

What Does Pop-A-Wheelie Mean To You?

Yeah!

Right...

Face!

Forward... March!

Left... Left...

Left, Right, Left.

Left, Left.

Left, Right, Left.

Left, Left.

Left, Right, Left.