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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:01,282 --> 00:00:03,270 And if it happens again I'll put a lock on it... 2 00:00:03,448 --> 00:00:05,413 so no one can enjoy it. 3 00:00:05,581 --> 00:00:08,239 Moving on, item seven. 4 00:00:08,413 --> 00:00:11,572 Oh, I'm afraid I have some tragic news. 5 00:00:11,744 --> 00:00:13,868 - Um, item six wasn't tragic? Zip it. 6 00:00:14,044 --> 00:00:15,599 - Wow. - Agent Hector Ru�z... 7 00:00:15,776 --> 00:00:17,832 who had infiltrated El Frente Rojo... 8 00:00:18,008 --> 00:00:20,269 was killed last night when his cover was blown. 9 00:00:20,441 --> 00:00:21,962 - My little burrito. - Wait, who? 10 00:00:22,140 --> 00:00:24,071 How in the world did his cover get blown? 11 00:00:30,902 --> 00:00:34,095 Ru�z? Hey man, talk to these chicks, all right? 12 00:00:34,268 --> 00:00:36,960 Tell them how we're really ISIS agents! 13 00:00:37,134 --> 00:00:39,496 They don't believe me. Hello? 14 00:00:39,666 --> 00:00:41,824 Se�or Wingman? 15 00:00:41,997 --> 00:00:44,724 - He probably got careless. - I'm sure Hector didn't get... 16 00:00:44,897 --> 00:00:46,657 Oh, come on. Ru�z was a loose cannon. 17 00:00:46,830 --> 00:00:49,885 He played fast and he played loose. And in the end, he got burned. 18 00:00:50,061 --> 00:00:51,617 - Be that as it may! - Loose cannon. 19 00:00:51,794 --> 00:00:55,383 For ISIS to continue enjoying Title 6 tax incentives... 20 00:00:55,559 --> 00:00:57,456 we have to meet certain... 21 00:00:57,624 --> 00:00:59,555 diversity requirements. 22 00:00:59,722 --> 00:01:01,881 - Oh, I think we're pretty diverse. - Ha. Please. 23 00:01:02,055 --> 00:01:03,783 What? You're blackish. 24 00:01:03,956 --> 00:01:05,977 - Ish? - Well, what's the word for it, Lana? 25 00:01:06,154 --> 00:01:08,675 - You freaked out when I said "quadroon." - Imagine that! 26 00:01:08,852 --> 00:01:11,942 - You imagine it! - Both of you, imagine shutting up! 27 00:01:12,118 --> 00:01:14,708 Because after losing Agent Pak last year... 28 00:01:14,883 --> 00:01:17,677 Hey, tell this broad what's up with ISIS, Pak-man. 29 00:01:17,849 --> 00:01:20,314 Wokka, wokka, wokka! 30 00:01:20,481 --> 00:01:24,242 And then Agent Mgumbe... You going to this lame ISIS picnic? 31 00:01:24,413 --> 00:01:26,900 - Loose cannons! ...the ISIS palette has become... 32 00:01:27,078 --> 00:01:28,633 decidedly monochromatic. 33 00:01:28,811 --> 00:01:31,776 - I'm one sixty-fourth Cherokee. - Shut up! 34 00:01:31,943 --> 00:01:33,067 - So stupid. - What? 35 00:01:33,242 --> 00:01:36,900 - A, no, you're probably not. - And B through Z, nobody gives a shit. 36 00:01:37,074 --> 00:01:38,130 - Racist! - What? 37 00:01:38,306 --> 00:01:39,737 You're anti-Native American. 38 00:01:41,138 --> 00:01:42,865 - Jeez! - Come on. 39 00:01:43,038 --> 00:01:44,128 Item eight. 40 00:01:44,303 --> 00:01:45,894 We need a diversity hire. 41 00:01:46,070 --> 00:01:48,591 - I vote Asian chick. - And after an exhaustive search... 42 00:01:48,769 --> 00:01:50,734 I found the perfect candidate. 43 00:01:50,902 --> 00:01:54,298 So join me in welcoming our new ISIS agent... 44 00:01:54,466 --> 00:01:56,954 Stern. Conway Stern. 45 00:01:57,132 --> 00:02:00,063 He's a diversity double-whammy. 46 00:02:31,582 --> 00:02:33,878 So that was the firing range... 47 00:02:34,048 --> 00:02:35,605 and the cafeteria, and... 48 00:02:35,783 --> 00:02:39,338 - Do you keep kosher? - Well, I do have a weakness for prawns. 49 00:02:39,513 --> 00:02:43,205 Me too! I'll have them make paella tomorrow. 50 00:02:43,377 --> 00:02:46,365 Okay, that's the mainframe, and these are all just... 51 00:02:46,543 --> 00:02:48,405 drones. - Hey, come on! 52 00:02:48,575 --> 00:02:51,506 Malory, these are the unsung heroes of ISIS. 53 00:02:51,674 --> 00:02:53,935 Where'd we be without my man Cyril in accounting? 54 00:02:54,107 --> 00:02:55,833 Hey, thanks, bro. 55 00:02:56,006 --> 00:02:58,903 You got it, buddy. Or the lovely Pam in Human Resources. 56 00:02:59,072 --> 00:03:00,502 Yeah, I am kind of lovely. 57 00:03:00,670 --> 00:03:04,123 And last but not least... I'm sorry, I don't know your name. 58 00:03:04,302 --> 00:03:06,892 - Me neither. - See? They don't know anything. 59 00:03:07,067 --> 00:03:10,430 - Now, over here is a big corner office. I see it's currently empty. 60 00:03:10,600 --> 00:03:12,462 Like my "vagine." 61 00:03:12,632 --> 00:03:16,063 Yeah, but unlike your dusty "vagine," it's not going to stay empty. 62 00:03:16,231 --> 00:03:18,718 Wait, you don't think you're getting the office. 63 00:03:18,895 --> 00:03:21,123 Well, I am the Human Resources director. 64 00:03:21,294 --> 00:03:25,555 Pam, come on, let's face it. Your entire job could be done by a... 65 00:03:25,727 --> 00:03:28,214 - A bulletin board. - You heard Conway. I'm essential! 66 00:03:28,391 --> 00:03:32,482 How? I can go online and get a list of every federal holiday for the next... 67 00:03:32,657 --> 00:03:35,621 - Wow, ten thousand years. - Wait, really? Ten thousand? 68 00:03:35,788 --> 00:03:38,947 Hmm? Oh. No, this isn't even on. 69 00:03:39,887 --> 00:03:42,216 - I'm gonna get that office! I'm getting it, Pam! 70 00:03:42,385 --> 00:03:45,872 Oh, my God, I am surrounded by idiots. 71 00:03:46,051 --> 00:03:48,743 And this is the locker room. 72 00:03:48,916 --> 00:03:51,006 Yeah, the, uh, lockers were a tip-off. 73 00:03:51,182 --> 00:03:55,112 Well, I'll leave you to it. But if you need anything... 74 00:03:55,280 --> 00:03:57,403 you know how to whistle, don't you, Conway? 75 00:03:57,579 --> 00:04:02,771 - Yup, lips together, blow. Got it. - Oh. Ha, ha. You are just a little treasure. 76 00:04:04,410 --> 00:04:06,340 Jesus, Conway. 77 00:04:06,508 --> 00:04:10,996 - What have you got yourself into, man? - You better pray it wasn't my mother. 78 00:04:11,173 --> 00:04:13,797 I'm fairly confident you misread that whole situation. 79 00:04:13,972 --> 00:04:17,698 - Oh, yeah? - I'm real confident you misread this one. 80 00:04:19,770 --> 00:04:21,860 Uh, how about this one? - This one, uh... 81 00:04:22,036 --> 00:04:25,693 actually seems kind of gay. - Maybe because our penises are touching. 82 00:04:25,867 --> 00:04:29,525 Yeah, so, let's go on... 83 00:04:29,698 --> 00:04:31,186 Three! 84 00:04:32,197 --> 00:04:35,855 - What? You, uh, see something you like? - Wha...? No, you queer! 85 00:04:36,029 --> 00:04:37,688 Oh, I'm queer? From the guy... 86 00:04:37,861 --> 00:04:39,918 whose tiny gun came with a matching purse? 87 00:04:40,094 --> 00:04:42,150 Hey, it's got plenty of stopping power. 88 00:04:42,326 --> 00:04:43,951 What? That little...? 89 00:04:44,125 --> 00:04:46,182 - Goddamn it, Archer! Again! - Oh, shit. 90 00:04:46,358 --> 00:04:48,913 See that? He was putting on his pants and I stopped him. 91 00:04:49,090 --> 00:04:52,249 So you just watch your step, mister, uh... 92 00:04:52,422 --> 00:04:54,250 - Damn it. - There, should have gone with: 93 00:04:54,421 --> 00:04:56,942 - "Sammy Gay-vis Junior." Damn it! 94 00:04:57,120 --> 00:04:59,311 Come on. She doesn't need a corner office... 95 00:04:59,485 --> 00:05:02,848 just to Xerox the ISIS newsletter. - Color Xerox. 96 00:05:03,017 --> 00:05:05,379 And what, you need more room to chop vegetables? 97 00:05:05,549 --> 00:05:08,639 All right! Obviously, I need to make a decision. 98 00:05:08,815 --> 00:05:10,905 But which shall it...? Oh! 99 00:05:11,080 --> 00:05:13,012 Or I could just give Conway both! 100 00:05:13,180 --> 00:05:15,644 - You what? - I already took care of those. 101 00:05:15,812 --> 00:05:17,800 Frodo and Salsa were my operations. 102 00:05:17,977 --> 00:05:21,374 At ease, Career Admiral, Malory was getting impatient on Salsa. 103 00:05:21,543 --> 00:05:24,303 - Salsa was a highly complex operation. - Two phone calls. 104 00:05:24,474 --> 00:05:26,996 - And as for Frodo... Wha...? 105 00:05:27,174 --> 00:05:29,798 Well, some pun involving hobbits. 106 00:05:29,972 --> 00:05:33,868 Like, I bet he wishes he was wearing Bilbo's coat of Dwarven mithril. 107 00:05:34,036 --> 00:05:35,696 - Gonna take your word on that. - Yeah? 108 00:05:35,870 --> 00:05:38,164 Well, take my word on this. 109 00:05:38,335 --> 00:05:40,197 I am the top agent around here. 110 00:05:40,368 --> 00:05:42,629 - So watch it! - So, see, in Middle-earth... 111 00:05:42,801 --> 00:05:44,789 Shh. Shh, shh, shh. 112 00:05:44,966 --> 00:05:46,021 Come on, buddy. 113 00:05:46,198 --> 00:05:48,322 - You're kidding. - No, I'm dead serious. 114 00:05:48,497 --> 00:05:50,325 I wanna file a complaint against Conway. 115 00:05:50,496 --> 00:05:53,427 - On what grounds? - He touched my penis with his penis. 116 00:05:53,595 --> 00:05:54,890 - Wow. - Yeah. 117 00:05:55,061 --> 00:05:57,583 He just came up to me and was like: "Byoop!" 118 00:05:57,759 --> 00:06:00,384 - Where? - All of it. Head and shaft. 119 00:06:00,559 --> 00:06:02,751 - And... Oh, you mean where in the building. - No. 120 00:06:02,924 --> 00:06:06,412 - That shouldn't matter, Pam. - I got this other complaint from Brett... 121 00:06:06,589 --> 00:06:08,145 who said you shot him again. - Uh... 122 00:06:08,322 --> 00:06:09,752 here's the thing about Brett. 123 00:06:12,020 --> 00:06:14,883 Oh, shit! Those were the newsletters! 124 00:06:15,153 --> 00:06:18,016 Cyril, I need a little favor. 125 00:06:18,185 --> 00:06:19,979 Okay, Carin... Oh. 126 00:06:20,151 --> 00:06:21,979 - Now it's Cristal? Cristal. 127 00:06:23,482 --> 00:06:25,810 You know? Like the champagne. It's what hot black guys drink. 128 00:06:25,981 --> 00:06:29,344 - Uh, you sure about that? - And I want Conway to drink me... 129 00:06:29,513 --> 00:06:33,137 so I need you to hook a sister up. - Well, I will certainly try. 130 00:06:33,310 --> 00:06:35,299 Don't try, do. And here, use this. 131 00:06:38,176 --> 00:06:39,334 Wow, what is this? 132 00:06:39,509 --> 00:06:43,564 Tell Conway that his Secret Santa wants to come early. 133 00:06:45,039 --> 00:06:47,903 Or, you know, whoever brings Jewish people their Christmas presents. 134 00:06:49,271 --> 00:06:51,395 What are you doing? - Uh, none of your businessing. 135 00:06:51,570 --> 00:06:54,500 What kind of spy agency scrimps on a freaking shredder? 136 00:06:54,668 --> 00:06:57,656 Apparently the kind that scrimps on background checks. 137 00:06:57,833 --> 00:06:59,594 - Who is this guy? - I don't know. 138 00:06:59,766 --> 00:07:02,754 But I got a bad feeling about Mother's little "Project Conway." 139 00:07:02,931 --> 00:07:04,829 So I must be having a stroke... 140 00:07:04,997 --> 00:07:07,792 because we actually agree on something. - Wait, really? 141 00:07:07,963 --> 00:07:10,053 Totally. I mean, he shows up out of nowhere... 142 00:07:10,229 --> 00:07:12,489 and starts trying to get all up in everything? 143 00:07:12,661 --> 00:07:14,490 I mean, Salsa, Frodo. 144 00:07:14,660 --> 00:07:17,217 - Possibly Mother. - And what do we even know about him? 145 00:07:17,393 --> 00:07:20,380 - Only that he's not circumcised. - Okay. 146 00:07:20,556 --> 00:07:23,919 - Glossing over how you know that... - We touched penises. 147 00:07:24,089 --> 00:07:25,384 No! Glossing. 148 00:07:25,555 --> 00:07:28,577 But a non-circumcised Jewish guy, that's not weird to you? 149 00:07:28,754 --> 00:07:31,049 No, why would...? I mean, I'm not Jewish... 150 00:07:31,220 --> 00:07:34,276 and I'm circumcised. So it can... - It doesn't work like that. 151 00:07:34,451 --> 00:07:37,211 Lana, come on. I think we both know it works fine. 152 00:07:37,384 --> 00:07:40,076 Oh, come on. Not your dick, dumbass. 153 00:07:40,249 --> 00:07:42,577 Oh, my God! This is about you and me, right? 154 00:07:42,748 --> 00:07:46,304 - Oh, my God! Get over yourself! - Hey, I am over me. 155 00:07:46,479 --> 00:07:48,069 But apparently you're not. 156 00:07:49,645 --> 00:07:54,871 - What the hell smells like shrimp? - Just my sensual womanhood. 157 00:07:55,043 --> 00:07:56,632 Oh, wait. Ew. 158 00:07:56,807 --> 00:07:58,739 I bet your womanhood smells divine. 159 00:07:58,907 --> 00:08:02,394 - Conway! - Now, whom can I thank for these shrimps? 160 00:08:02,573 --> 00:08:06,628 Me, your secret Jew Santa. 161 00:08:09,136 --> 00:08:12,589 Conway! That was amazing. 162 00:08:12,768 --> 00:08:14,994 Yes, so, uh... 163 00:08:15,166 --> 00:08:16,189 okay. 164 00:08:16,367 --> 00:08:19,388 - Oh, my God, I hope I'm pregnant. - What are you talking about? 165 00:08:19,565 --> 00:08:22,757 The system bounced your sexual harassment complaint against Conway. 166 00:08:22,930 --> 00:08:25,793 - Well, unbounce it back. - Who am I, Tron? 167 00:08:25,962 --> 00:08:27,689 Talk to your mother, she bounced it. 168 00:08:27,861 --> 00:08:29,190 - Why? - Hey. Whoa. 169 00:08:29,360 --> 00:08:31,757 - Why would she do that? - Don't go starting rumors... 170 00:08:31,926 --> 00:08:33,754 about Conway boning your mother. - Oh, my... 171 00:08:36,824 --> 00:08:40,278 - You get any of that in the trash can? - No. 172 00:08:40,456 --> 00:08:42,285 I, uh, missed it on purpose. 173 00:08:42,456 --> 00:08:45,942 - Hey, Malory, uh, you got a second? - I sincerely doubt it. 174 00:08:46,120 --> 00:08:49,710 - It's about Conway. - Then yes, I have entire minutes. 175 00:08:49,885 --> 00:08:51,713 Isn't he just a dream come true? 176 00:08:51,884 --> 00:08:55,609 Well, that's the thing. How did you actually find Conway? 177 00:08:55,782 --> 00:08:58,009 Well, he just sort of appeared. 178 00:08:58,181 --> 00:09:00,976 - Uh, yes, okay. - Like a foundling, carved out of onyx. 179 00:09:01,146 --> 00:09:05,042 Yes, but from where? I mean, if you didn't do a background check... 180 00:09:05,211 --> 00:09:08,108 Are you an idiot? Or do you just think I am? 181 00:09:08,277 --> 00:09:11,400 - He totally checked out. - Okay, so do you mind if I take a little...? 182 00:09:11,575 --> 00:09:15,700 Lana Kane! Just because now you're not the only black agent... 183 00:09:15,873 --> 00:09:19,564 - Hey, that is not... - Urban. Whatever. 184 00:09:19,738 --> 00:09:23,998 You come in here and accuse Conway of what, exactly? 185 00:09:24,170 --> 00:09:27,499 Okay, fine, I can't prove anything right now. 186 00:09:27,668 --> 00:09:31,462 But that never stopped J. Edna Hoover from persecuting Martin Luther King... 187 00:09:31,633 --> 00:09:33,996 now, did it? - What does that have to do...? 188 00:09:34,166 --> 00:09:35,722 Wait, J. Edna? 189 00:09:35,898 --> 00:09:39,727 You never heard that? How Hoover was this huge, cross-dressing chicken hawk? 190 00:09:39,896 --> 00:09:43,224 - I had not. - That's exactly the kind of slanderous... 191 00:09:43,394 --> 00:09:47,155 and unsubstantiated rumor I will not tolerate at ISIS. 192 00:09:47,327 --> 00:09:50,383 - Think about that while on suspension. - While I'm on what? 193 00:09:50,558 --> 00:09:52,580 - What are you, deaf and racist? - Wha...? 194 00:09:52,757 --> 00:09:55,984 - I'm black. - Oh, put it back in the deck. 195 00:09:56,157 --> 00:09:59,178 - Hey, how is my lovely lady. - Suspended. 196 00:09:59,355 --> 00:10:01,251 - What? - Malory suspended me. 197 00:10:01,420 --> 00:10:04,715 Just because I had the nerve to ask questions about her little... 198 00:10:04,886 --> 00:10:07,874 homeboy McJewerson. - Whoa, Lana, honey. 199 00:10:08,052 --> 00:10:10,243 - What? - Even though it's perfectly natural... 200 00:10:10,417 --> 00:10:11,905 for you to be jealous of Conway... 201 00:10:14,248 --> 00:10:18,338 Then she cold-cocked you, huh? - Yeah, with that big Flintstoney fist of hers. 202 00:10:18,513 --> 00:10:21,841 - Seriously, "Homeboy McJewerson"? - Oh, come on, I've heard worse than that. 203 00:10:22,011 --> 00:10:23,738 Yeah, but it doesn't even make sense. 204 00:10:23,910 --> 00:10:27,341 - I mean, maybe if you were Scottish or... - Hey, man, racism, anti-Semitism. 205 00:10:27,509 --> 00:10:30,905 You can't go looking for logic in it. Here, this'll help the swelling. 206 00:10:31,074 --> 00:10:33,403 Oh, thank you. Ha, ha. Where'd you get the steak? 207 00:10:33,573 --> 00:10:37,436 Cristal. Yet another offering of unrefrigerated meat and/or seafood. 208 00:10:37,605 --> 00:10:41,728 - Yeah, she's kind of weird that way. - She's kind of weird a bunch of ways. 209 00:10:42,802 --> 00:10:44,358 What you doing, Birdbones? 210 00:10:44,534 --> 00:10:47,795 - Looking for a pregnancy test online. - But there's a drugstore half a... 211 00:10:47,967 --> 00:10:51,125 Oh. You mean that you take online. 212 00:10:51,298 --> 00:10:54,491 - Yeah I want to know like, now. - Well, thank God for them internets. 213 00:10:54,664 --> 00:10:57,992 - Okay, what is this lame meeting about? - No idea, I'm busy and go away. 214 00:10:58,162 --> 00:11:00,524 - Excuse me? - Oh, my God, why are you still here? 215 00:11:00,694 --> 00:11:03,955 - Mother called me for a meeting. - But I thought you called a meeting. 216 00:11:04,127 --> 00:11:08,114 Oh, and by the way, you don't call a meeting, only I call a meeting. 217 00:11:08,291 --> 00:11:11,688 I called the meeting. - Which I love. That you did that. 218 00:11:11,857 --> 00:11:13,583 I know it's not standard procedure... 219 00:11:13,756 --> 00:11:17,447 but we've got a problem. - A problem or a blessing? 220 00:11:19,253 --> 00:11:20,275 A problem. 221 00:11:20,452 --> 00:11:23,814 It's a silent submarine propulsion system, called the Whisper Drive. 222 00:11:23,983 --> 00:11:26,380 - Oh, sounds sexy. - Would you stop it. 223 00:11:26,550 --> 00:11:27,880 - Folks, please. - Embarrassing. 224 00:11:28,050 --> 00:11:30,241 - You are embarrassing. - Jesus. 225 00:11:30,415 --> 00:11:34,345 This is Wilhelm Schmeck, inventor of the Whisper Drive. 226 00:11:34,513 --> 00:11:37,535 Schmeck went missing along with the plans for the Whisper Drive. 227 00:11:37,712 --> 00:11:40,676 I tracked him to South Beach. He's arranged to sell the plans... 228 00:11:40,843 --> 00:11:43,502 to Cuban Naval Intelligence. If that happens... 229 00:11:43,676 --> 00:11:48,368 undetectable Cuban missile subs could be parked right off Miami Beach. 230 00:11:48,541 --> 00:11:51,700 Ugh. Just what Miami needs. More Cubans. 231 00:11:51,872 --> 00:11:55,597 And all we need is a stand-in, who resembles Schmeck's Cuban contact... 232 00:11:55,770 --> 00:11:59,167 Wha...? What? That looks nothing like me. 233 00:11:59,335 --> 00:12:01,527 - Well, he's just a lot more handsome. - Whatever. 234 00:12:01,701 --> 00:12:03,962 Zip it! Conway, dear? 235 00:12:04,133 --> 00:12:05,996 - The plan? - Using Archer as bait... 236 00:12:06,166 --> 00:12:10,323 we slip in just ahead of the real Cubans, capture Schmeck, and recover the plans. 237 00:12:10,497 --> 00:12:13,088 If we could run this thing through your condo, that... 238 00:12:13,263 --> 00:12:15,820 - You have a South Beach condo? - I, uh... 239 00:12:15,995 --> 00:12:17,756 Oh, hey, how's the, uh, lemon tree doing? 240 00:12:17,928 --> 00:12:20,586 Ra�I says it already has tiny lemons. 241 00:12:20,759 --> 00:12:22,748 That was a wonderful thank-you gift. 242 00:12:22,925 --> 00:12:25,389 - Well, it was a wonderful weekend. - It was, wasn't it? 243 00:12:25,557 --> 00:12:27,988 You were there, in the condo, together? 244 00:12:28,155 --> 00:12:29,781 - Yeah, last weekend. Oh, my God. 245 00:12:31,221 --> 00:12:35,413 Oh, for... See? That's what happens when you drink all day and skip lunch. 246 00:12:35,586 --> 00:12:38,176 Oh, we were supposed to have paella. 247 00:12:42,116 --> 00:12:44,173 Archer, come on, man, let's go. 248 00:12:44,349 --> 00:12:47,007 You go! Get on the plane, buckle in, sit there... 249 00:12:47,181 --> 00:12:49,737 and think about how you're not the boss of me. 250 00:12:49,913 --> 00:12:52,174 Hey, babe. Got any extra puke bags? 251 00:12:52,346 --> 00:12:54,402 Why? You taking a moral inventory? 252 00:12:54,578 --> 00:12:57,509 Jesus, God, what are you doing here? 253 00:12:57,676 --> 00:12:59,608 - I'm, trying to save... - A relationship? 254 00:12:59,776 --> 00:13:04,172 Lana, maybe when I get back, we can work out some kind of bang-buddy deal, but... 255 00:13:04,340 --> 00:13:05,704 Ow! 256 00:13:05,873 --> 00:13:10,530 - I want you to listen to me. - Well then unperforate my eardrum. 257 00:13:10,704 --> 00:13:12,068 Un... 258 00:13:12,238 --> 00:13:13,862 head up your ass! 259 00:13:14,036 --> 00:13:15,898 I think Conway is totally up to something. 260 00:13:16,069 --> 00:13:19,761 Duh! You think I'm an idiot? I know he wants to marry Mother... 261 00:13:19,933 --> 00:13:21,762 and cut me out of the will. - Ugh. Archer. 262 00:13:21,933 --> 00:13:25,488 - Which is why I'm going to kill him. - Oh. Okay, well, whatever the reason. 263 00:13:25,664 --> 00:13:28,288 It's not because of the whole black stepfather thing. 264 00:13:28,463 --> 00:13:30,485 - You know me better than that. - Yeah, I do. 265 00:13:30,662 --> 00:13:33,821 So try not to do anything stupid, okay? Conway could be dangerous. 266 00:13:33,993 --> 00:13:35,482 Yeah. You know what's dangerous? 267 00:13:35,660 --> 00:13:37,124 - Your obsession with me. - Just... 268 00:13:37,292 --> 00:13:39,984 Seriously Lana, call Kenny Loggins because you're in the Danger Zone. 269 00:13:41,390 --> 00:13:43,912 - From Top Gun. - Just be careful. 270 00:13:45,722 --> 00:13:46,983 No. 271 00:13:52,053 --> 00:13:54,609 God, this is so classic Mother. 272 00:13:54,785 --> 00:13:56,546 Yeah, it's pretty tastefully done, huh? 273 00:13:56,718 --> 00:13:58,876 No, you ass. The selfishness. 274 00:13:59,050 --> 00:14:01,038 She never shares anything with anybody. 275 00:14:01,216 --> 00:14:03,044 You're keeping that office for you? 276 00:14:03,215 --> 00:14:06,339 I need it to escape the glare from those windows across the street. 277 00:14:06,513 --> 00:14:08,536 From the...? There's no glare. 278 00:14:08,712 --> 00:14:12,938 Well, not now. But mid-April? Every morning. For almost 20 minutes. 279 00:14:13,110 --> 00:14:16,075 So you're gonna keep that huge corner office empty the other... 280 00:14:16,243 --> 00:14:20,037 - Ninety-gazillion percent of the time. - Just because the glare is annoying? 281 00:14:20,208 --> 00:14:23,071 Well, semi-annoying. 282 00:14:23,240 --> 00:14:26,102 Okay, you're meeting Schmeck at that caf� across the street. 283 00:14:26,271 --> 00:14:30,099 - And, uh, why do you have that? Exactly? - You never know what's gonna happen. 284 00:14:30,269 --> 00:14:34,291 Yeah, two people all alone together, down here in South Beach. 285 00:14:34,469 --> 00:14:36,831 I'd rather have it and not need it... - Uh-huh. 286 00:14:37,000 --> 00:14:39,521 Than need it and not have it. - Ah. Uh-huh. 287 00:14:39,699 --> 00:14:42,255 Kind of like a condom. Which happened last weekend. 288 00:14:42,431 --> 00:14:45,418 - Oh, my...! Ugh! - Damn, man, I was kidding! 289 00:14:45,596 --> 00:14:48,026 - Look, if you're too nervous... - I'm fine, all right? 290 00:14:48,195 --> 00:14:50,785 Just let me rinse off my mustache. 291 00:14:50,960 --> 00:14:53,619 You are more handsome in your photos. 292 00:14:53,792 --> 00:14:56,019 Oh, yeah, talk to me about handsome. 293 00:14:56,192 --> 00:14:58,384 And you have no trace of Cuban accent. 294 00:14:58,558 --> 00:15:00,284 Yeah, it's called tradecraft, genius. 295 00:15:00,457 --> 00:15:03,115 - I blend. - Just shut up and get the plans. 296 00:15:03,289 --> 00:15:05,220 - You shut up and get the plans. - What? 297 00:15:05,388 --> 00:15:08,217 I mean, give me those plans now. Give me those plans. 298 00:15:08,387 --> 00:15:11,351 You may have them once I confirm the balance in my Swiss account. 299 00:15:11,884 --> 00:15:13,282 - Tell him not to bother. - What? 300 00:15:13,451 --> 00:15:15,178 Wait, what are we doing? 301 00:15:16,649 --> 00:15:19,944 - Conway! What the shit, man? - What? Schmeck was a traitor. 302 00:15:20,115 --> 00:15:23,045 Yeah, now he's all over my 400 dollar custom shirt. 303 00:15:23,213 --> 00:15:26,371 I'll buy you a new one. Now grab the plans before it's too late. 304 00:15:26,545 --> 00:15:31,067 - It's already too late. - Ha, ha! Yes it is, now hand over... 305 00:15:31,243 --> 00:15:34,003 Because it's already soaked into the fibers, dumbass. 306 00:15:34,176 --> 00:15:35,731 This is linen! 307 00:15:37,573 --> 00:15:40,561 And that is a Cuban hit squad. 308 00:15:40,739 --> 00:15:42,567 And you might want to duck. 309 00:15:46,602 --> 00:15:49,090 Oh, my God. Conway! 310 00:15:49,268 --> 00:15:52,233 - That was amazing! - Yeah, well, you know. 311 00:15:52,400 --> 00:15:54,695 No, seriously, that was like... 312 00:15:54,866 --> 00:15:57,490 - That was like, uh... - A Charles Whitman Sampler? 313 00:15:57,665 --> 00:16:00,323 Damn it, yes. Seriously, thanks. 314 00:16:00,497 --> 00:16:02,689 Oh, don't thank me yet. 315 00:16:02,863 --> 00:16:04,918 What, Conway? No! 316 00:16:06,461 --> 00:16:09,086 - Now you can thank me. - Oh, my God. 317 00:16:09,260 --> 00:16:10,724 You saved my life twice. 318 00:16:10,892 --> 00:16:12,222 You'd have done the same for me. 319 00:16:12,392 --> 00:16:13,549 - No, I wouldn't have. - Ha, ha. 320 00:16:13,724 --> 00:16:15,916 I was actually kind of planning to kill you. 321 00:16:16,090 --> 00:16:19,055 - Wait, what? - I know, now I'm totally embarrassed. 322 00:16:19,222 --> 00:16:21,619 Hey, you know what? Water under the bridge, dude. 323 00:16:21,788 --> 00:16:24,877 - Come over here, let's man-hug it. - All right. Okay. Um... 324 00:16:25,719 --> 00:16:28,843 I mean, after all we are going to be family. Once I marry your Mom. 325 00:16:29,018 --> 00:16:32,676 - What? - I'm kidding. God, relax, man. 326 00:16:32,849 --> 00:16:36,280 Because for a second there, I was like... I mean, not in a racist way, but... 327 00:16:37,847 --> 00:16:39,176 - Conway? - Yeah, buddy. 328 00:16:39,347 --> 00:16:42,869 - Uh, are there more bad guys behind me? - Nope. 329 00:16:43,045 --> 00:16:44,839 You dick. 330 00:16:47,110 --> 00:16:49,700 You dumbass. I set this whole thing up. 331 00:16:49,876 --> 00:16:52,272 I just needed a stand-in for those broke-ass Cubans. 332 00:16:52,441 --> 00:16:54,804 - Yeah, I get it. - I mean, come on! 333 00:16:54,973 --> 00:16:57,733 The Chinese'll pay five times as much for the Whisper Drive. 334 00:16:57,905 --> 00:17:02,064 And once they do? Let's just say you better learn to use some chopsticks, buddy. 335 00:17:02,237 --> 00:17:05,031 Conway, wait. Just answer me one question. 336 00:17:05,202 --> 00:17:07,132 Yeah, make it quick. My ride is here. 337 00:17:09,333 --> 00:17:13,128 - And your lungs are filling up with blood. - Did you have sex with my mother? 338 00:17:13,298 --> 00:17:15,785 Wait, what? That is your only question? 339 00:17:15,964 --> 00:17:18,985 Not who am I, not how did I infiltrate ISIS... 340 00:17:19,162 --> 00:17:22,787 or who the hell is flying the helicopter? - Just answer the question! 341 00:17:22,962 --> 00:17:26,289 No, Archer, I didn't have sex with your mom. 342 00:17:26,459 --> 00:17:28,617 - Oh, thank God. - Oh, and that? 343 00:17:28,792 --> 00:17:31,450 That would have been a though image to get out of my head. 344 00:17:31,624 --> 00:17:33,485 That, right there? That kind of racism... 345 00:17:33,655 --> 00:17:37,644 is exactly why I can't wait to see tiny little Chinese boots... 346 00:17:37,821 --> 00:17:40,513 on your white-ass necks. 347 00:17:40,687 --> 00:17:44,448 Which may sound hypocritical, I know, but... 348 00:17:44,618 --> 00:17:46,379 Would you go? 349 00:17:46,551 --> 00:17:49,912 - Aah! What the...? - Sorry, Conway. 350 00:17:50,082 --> 00:17:52,570 - Oh, wait, shit, I had something for this. - Aah. 351 00:17:52,748 --> 00:17:55,975 Is it something like, uh, "You don't get off the hook that easy"? 352 00:17:56,147 --> 00:17:58,169 - Damn it. - Yeah, he's good at those. 353 00:17:58,346 --> 00:18:00,867 - Well, crawl on over there and blow him. - Hey, come on. 354 00:18:01,045 --> 00:18:05,532 - Now, drop the case, Conway! - It's cuffed on, woman. 355 00:18:05,709 --> 00:18:08,934 Aah! And how the hell are your hands that freaking strong...? 356 00:18:11,040 --> 00:18:12,300 Ew. 357 00:18:12,473 --> 00:18:15,665 You haven't seen the last of Conway Stern! 358 00:18:15,838 --> 00:18:18,826 Which is not my real name! 359 00:18:20,435 --> 00:18:22,129 Uh, so let me guess. - Yeah. 360 00:18:22,302 --> 00:18:25,596 Whoever he is, he ghosted an ID file onto our worldwide database. 361 00:18:25,767 --> 00:18:28,596 Yeah. Which you probably found while researching me. 362 00:18:30,198 --> 00:18:31,891 Lana, because you're in the, uh... 363 00:18:32,064 --> 00:18:34,359 ...Danger Zone. 364 00:18:34,529 --> 00:18:36,757 And those were his last words. 365 00:18:36,929 --> 00:18:39,291 Right before he bled to death on the rug. 366 00:18:39,461 --> 00:18:44,016 Which rug? Oh, good. I thought you meant in the bedroom. 367 00:18:44,192 --> 00:18:47,884 No, that one is just jute. Exactly. 368 00:18:48,057 --> 00:18:51,715 Guests come in from the beach, they're all sandy or whatever, and... 369 00:18:51,888 --> 00:18:55,978 Suspension? Lana, dear, you are getting a bonus. My God! 370 00:18:56,153 --> 00:18:59,982 You foiled that perfidious Conway, saved Sterling's... 371 00:19:00,152 --> 00:19:02,343 All right, just pull the knife out. 372 00:19:04,184 --> 00:19:06,614 And then slap Saran Wrap on the hole. 373 00:19:06,782 --> 00:19:08,974 Oh! But leave me enough to make guacamole. 374 00:19:09,148 --> 00:19:14,305 No, you squeeze lemon juice over it, then smush the Saran Wrap right down on top. 375 00:19:14,479 --> 00:19:18,376 That way it doesn't go brown. Oh, let the paramedics do that. 376 00:19:18,544 --> 00:19:22,066 You just have fun, dear. Mm-hm. Bye. 377 00:19:22,241 --> 00:19:26,899 Oh, damn. Now I bet she's going to squeeze up all my brand new lemons. 378 00:19:27,074 --> 00:19:29,834 And I'll have nothing left to remind me of Conway. 379 00:19:30,006 --> 00:19:33,493 - Except his little mocha love child. - His what? 380 00:19:33,670 --> 00:19:35,499 Yeah. - You had sex with Conway? 381 00:19:35,670 --> 00:19:37,759 Yeah, and he totally impregnated me. 382 00:19:37,935 --> 00:19:41,229 Wait, he was only here two days. 383 00:19:41,400 --> 00:19:44,092 How is that pregnancy test showing positive? 384 00:19:44,266 --> 00:19:48,162 Oh, this is just a detergent pen. I just put a little blue sticker on it. 32557

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