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1
00:00:01,282 --> 00:00:03,270
And if it happens again
I'll put a lock on it...
2
00:00:03,448 --> 00:00:05,413
so no one can enjoy it.
3
00:00:05,581 --> 00:00:08,239
Moving on, item seven.
4
00:00:08,413 --> 00:00:11,572
Oh, I'm afraid I have some tragic news.
5
00:00:11,744 --> 00:00:13,868
- Um, item six wasn't tragic?
Zip it.
6
00:00:14,044 --> 00:00:15,599
- Wow.
- Agent Hector Ru�z...
7
00:00:15,776 --> 00:00:17,832
who had infiltrated El Frente Rojo...
8
00:00:18,008 --> 00:00:20,269
was killed last night
when his cover was blown.
9
00:00:20,441 --> 00:00:21,962
- My little burrito.
- Wait, who?
10
00:00:22,140 --> 00:00:24,071
How in the world did his cover get blown?
11
00:00:30,902 --> 00:00:34,095
Ru�z? Hey man,
talk to these chicks, all right?
12
00:00:34,268 --> 00:00:36,960
Tell them how we're really ISIS agents!
13
00:00:37,134 --> 00:00:39,496
They don't believe me. Hello?
14
00:00:39,666 --> 00:00:41,824
Se�or Wingman?
15
00:00:41,997 --> 00:00:44,724
- He probably got careless.
- I'm sure Hector didn't get...
16
00:00:44,897 --> 00:00:46,657
Oh, come on. Ru�z was a loose cannon.
17
00:00:46,830 --> 00:00:49,885
He played fast and he played loose.
And in the end, he got burned.
18
00:00:50,061 --> 00:00:51,617
- Be that as it may!
- Loose cannon.
19
00:00:51,794 --> 00:00:55,383
For ISIS to continue enjoying
Title 6 tax incentives...
20
00:00:55,559 --> 00:00:57,456
we have to meet certain...
21
00:00:57,624 --> 00:00:59,555
diversity requirements.
22
00:00:59,722 --> 00:01:01,881
- Oh, I think we're pretty diverse.
- Ha. Please.
23
00:01:02,055 --> 00:01:03,783
What? You're blackish.
24
00:01:03,956 --> 00:01:05,977
- Ish?
- Well, what's the word for it, Lana?
25
00:01:06,154 --> 00:01:08,675
- You freaked out when I said "quadroon."
- Imagine that!
26
00:01:08,852 --> 00:01:11,942
- You imagine it!
- Both of you, imagine shutting up!
27
00:01:12,118 --> 00:01:14,708
Because after losing Agent Pak last year...
28
00:01:14,883 --> 00:01:17,677
Hey, tell this broad
what's up with ISIS, Pak-man.
29
00:01:17,849 --> 00:01:20,314
Wokka, wokka, wokka!
30
00:01:20,481 --> 00:01:24,242
And then Agent Mgumbe...
You going to this lame ISIS picnic?
31
00:01:24,413 --> 00:01:26,900
- Loose cannons!
...the ISIS palette has become...
32
00:01:27,078 --> 00:01:28,633
decidedly monochromatic.
33
00:01:28,811 --> 00:01:31,776
- I'm one sixty-fourth Cherokee.
- Shut up!
34
00:01:31,943 --> 00:01:33,067
- So stupid.
- What?
35
00:01:33,242 --> 00:01:36,900
- A, no, you're probably not.
- And B through Z, nobody gives a shit.
36
00:01:37,074 --> 00:01:38,130
- Racist!
- What?
37
00:01:38,306 --> 00:01:39,737
You're anti-Native American.
38
00:01:41,138 --> 00:01:42,865
- Jeez!
- Come on.
39
00:01:43,038 --> 00:01:44,128
Item eight.
40
00:01:44,303 --> 00:01:45,894
We need a diversity hire.
41
00:01:46,070 --> 00:01:48,591
- I vote Asian chick.
- And after an exhaustive search...
42
00:01:48,769 --> 00:01:50,734
I found the perfect candidate.
43
00:01:50,902 --> 00:01:54,298
So join me in welcoming
our new ISIS agent...
44
00:01:54,466 --> 00:01:56,954
Stern. Conway Stern.
45
00:01:57,132 --> 00:02:00,063
He's a diversity double-whammy.
46
00:02:31,582 --> 00:02:33,878
So that was the firing range...
47
00:02:34,048 --> 00:02:35,605
and the cafeteria, and...
48
00:02:35,783 --> 00:02:39,338
- Do you keep kosher?
- Well, I do have a weakness for prawns.
49
00:02:39,513 --> 00:02:43,205
Me too! I'll have them
make paella tomorrow.
50
00:02:43,377 --> 00:02:46,365
Okay, that's the mainframe,
and these are all just...
51
00:02:46,543 --> 00:02:48,405
drones.
- Hey, come on!
52
00:02:48,575 --> 00:02:51,506
Malory, these are the unsung
heroes of ISIS.
53
00:02:51,674 --> 00:02:53,935
Where'd we be without
my man Cyril in accounting?
54
00:02:54,107 --> 00:02:55,833
Hey, thanks, bro.
55
00:02:56,006 --> 00:02:58,903
You got it, buddy.
Or the lovely Pam in Human Resources.
56
00:02:59,072 --> 00:03:00,502
Yeah, I am kind of lovely.
57
00:03:00,670 --> 00:03:04,123
And last but not least...
I'm sorry, I don't know your name.
58
00:03:04,302 --> 00:03:06,892
- Me neither.
- See? They don't know anything.
59
00:03:07,067 --> 00:03:10,430
- Now, over here is a big corner office.
I see it's currently empty.
60
00:03:10,600 --> 00:03:12,462
Like my "vagine."
61
00:03:12,632 --> 00:03:16,063
Yeah, but unlike your dusty "vagine,"
it's not going to stay empty.
62
00:03:16,231 --> 00:03:18,718
Wait, you don't think
you're getting the office.
63
00:03:18,895 --> 00:03:21,123
Well, I am the Human Resources director.
64
00:03:21,294 --> 00:03:25,555
Pam, come on, let's face it.
Your entire job could be done by a...
65
00:03:25,727 --> 00:03:28,214
- A bulletin board.
- You heard Conway. I'm essential!
66
00:03:28,391 --> 00:03:32,482
How? I can go online and get a list
of every federal holiday for the next...
67
00:03:32,657 --> 00:03:35,621
- Wow, ten thousand years.
- Wait, really? Ten thousand?
68
00:03:35,788 --> 00:03:38,947
Hmm? Oh. No, this isn't even on.
69
00:03:39,887 --> 00:03:42,216
- I'm gonna get that office!
I'm getting it, Pam!
70
00:03:42,385 --> 00:03:45,872
Oh, my God, I am surrounded by idiots.
71
00:03:46,051 --> 00:03:48,743
And this is the locker room.
72
00:03:48,916 --> 00:03:51,006
Yeah, the, uh, lockers were a tip-off.
73
00:03:51,182 --> 00:03:55,112
Well, I'll leave you to it.
But if you need anything...
74
00:03:55,280 --> 00:03:57,403
you know how to whistle,
don't you, Conway?
75
00:03:57,579 --> 00:04:02,771
- Yup, lips together, blow. Got it.
- Oh. Ha, ha. You are just a little treasure.
76
00:04:04,410 --> 00:04:06,340
Jesus, Conway.
77
00:04:06,508 --> 00:04:10,996
- What have you got yourself into, man?
- You better pray it wasn't my mother.
78
00:04:11,173 --> 00:04:13,797
I'm fairly confident you misread
that whole situation.
79
00:04:13,972 --> 00:04:17,698
- Oh, yeah?
- I'm real confident you misread this one.
80
00:04:19,770 --> 00:04:21,860
Uh, how about this one?
- This one, uh...
81
00:04:22,036 --> 00:04:25,693
actually seems kind of gay.
- Maybe because our penises are touching.
82
00:04:25,867 --> 00:04:29,525
Yeah, so, let's go on...
83
00:04:29,698 --> 00:04:31,186
Three!
84
00:04:32,197 --> 00:04:35,855
- What? You, uh, see something you like?
- Wha...? No, you queer!
85
00:04:36,029 --> 00:04:37,688
Oh, I'm queer? From the guy...
86
00:04:37,861 --> 00:04:39,918
whose tiny gun
came with a matching purse?
87
00:04:40,094 --> 00:04:42,150
Hey, it's got plenty of stopping power.
88
00:04:42,326 --> 00:04:43,951
What? That little...?
89
00:04:44,125 --> 00:04:46,182
- Goddamn it, Archer! Again!
- Oh, shit.
90
00:04:46,358 --> 00:04:48,913
See that? He was putting on his pants
and I stopped him.
91
00:04:49,090 --> 00:04:52,249
So you just watch your step, mister, uh...
92
00:04:52,422 --> 00:04:54,250
- Damn it.
- There, should have gone with:
93
00:04:54,421 --> 00:04:56,942
- "Sammy Gay-vis Junior."
Damn it!
94
00:04:57,120 --> 00:04:59,311
Come on. She doesn't need
a corner office...
95
00:04:59,485 --> 00:05:02,848
just to Xerox the ISIS newsletter.
- Color Xerox.
96
00:05:03,017 --> 00:05:05,379
And what, you need more room
to chop vegetables?
97
00:05:05,549 --> 00:05:08,639
All right! Obviously,
I need to make a decision.
98
00:05:08,815 --> 00:05:10,905
But which shall it...? Oh!
99
00:05:11,080 --> 00:05:13,012
Or I could just give Conway both!
100
00:05:13,180 --> 00:05:15,644
- You what?
- I already took care of those.
101
00:05:15,812 --> 00:05:17,800
Frodo and Salsa were my operations.
102
00:05:17,977 --> 00:05:21,374
At ease, Career Admiral,
Malory was getting impatient on Salsa.
103
00:05:21,543 --> 00:05:24,303
- Salsa was a highly complex operation.
- Two phone calls.
104
00:05:24,474 --> 00:05:26,996
- And as for Frodo...
Wha...?
105
00:05:27,174 --> 00:05:29,798
Well, some pun involving hobbits.
106
00:05:29,972 --> 00:05:33,868
Like, I bet he wishes he was wearing
Bilbo's coat of Dwarven mithril.
107
00:05:34,036 --> 00:05:35,696
- Gonna take your word on that.
- Yeah?
108
00:05:35,870 --> 00:05:38,164
Well, take my word on this.
109
00:05:38,335 --> 00:05:40,197
I am the top agent around here.
110
00:05:40,368 --> 00:05:42,629
- So watch it!
- So, see, in Middle-earth...
111
00:05:42,801 --> 00:05:44,789
Shh. Shh, shh, shh.
112
00:05:44,966 --> 00:05:46,021
Come on, buddy.
113
00:05:46,198 --> 00:05:48,322
- You're kidding.
- No, I'm dead serious.
114
00:05:48,497 --> 00:05:50,325
I wanna file a complaint
against Conway.
115
00:05:50,496 --> 00:05:53,427
- On what grounds?
- He touched my penis with his penis.
116
00:05:53,595 --> 00:05:54,890
- Wow.
- Yeah.
117
00:05:55,061 --> 00:05:57,583
He just came up to me and was like:
"Byoop!"
118
00:05:57,759 --> 00:06:00,384
- Where?
- All of it. Head and shaft.
119
00:06:00,559 --> 00:06:02,751
- And... Oh, you mean where in the building.
- No.
120
00:06:02,924 --> 00:06:06,412
- That shouldn't matter, Pam.
- I got this other complaint from Brett...
121
00:06:06,589 --> 00:06:08,145
who said you shot him again.
- Uh...
122
00:06:08,322 --> 00:06:09,752
here's the thing about Brett.
123
00:06:12,020 --> 00:06:14,883
Oh, shit! Those were the newsletters!
124
00:06:15,153 --> 00:06:18,016
Cyril, I need a little favor.
125
00:06:18,185 --> 00:06:19,979
Okay, Carin... Oh.
126
00:06:20,151 --> 00:06:21,979
- Now it's Cristal?
Cristal.
127
00:06:23,482 --> 00:06:25,810
You know? Like the champagne.
It's what hot black guys drink.
128
00:06:25,981 --> 00:06:29,344
- Uh, you sure about that?
- And I want Conway to drink me...
129
00:06:29,513 --> 00:06:33,137
so I need you to hook a sister up.
- Well, I will certainly try.
130
00:06:33,310 --> 00:06:35,299
Don't try, do. And here, use this.
131
00:06:38,176 --> 00:06:39,334
Wow, what is this?
132
00:06:39,509 --> 00:06:43,564
Tell Conway that his Secret Santa
wants to come early.
133
00:06:45,039 --> 00:06:47,903
Or, you know, whoever brings Jewish
people their Christmas presents.
134
00:06:49,271 --> 00:06:51,395
What are you doing?
- Uh, none of your businessing.
135
00:06:51,570 --> 00:06:54,500
What kind of spy agency
scrimps on a freaking shredder?
136
00:06:54,668 --> 00:06:57,656
Apparently the kind that scrimps
on background checks.
137
00:06:57,833 --> 00:06:59,594
- Who is this guy?
- I don't know.
138
00:06:59,766 --> 00:07:02,754
But I got a bad feeling
about Mother's little "Project Conway."
139
00:07:02,931 --> 00:07:04,829
So I must be having a stroke...
140
00:07:04,997 --> 00:07:07,792
because we actually agree on something.
- Wait, really?
141
00:07:07,963 --> 00:07:10,053
Totally. I mean,
he shows up out of nowhere...
142
00:07:10,229 --> 00:07:12,489
and starts trying to get all up
in everything?
143
00:07:12,661 --> 00:07:14,490
I mean, Salsa, Frodo.
144
00:07:14,660 --> 00:07:17,217
- Possibly Mother.
- And what do we even know about him?
145
00:07:17,393 --> 00:07:20,380
- Only that he's not circumcised.
- Okay.
146
00:07:20,556 --> 00:07:23,919
- Glossing over how you know that...
- We touched penises.
147
00:07:24,089 --> 00:07:25,384
No! Glossing.
148
00:07:25,555 --> 00:07:28,577
But a non-circumcised Jewish guy,
that's not weird to you?
149
00:07:28,754 --> 00:07:31,049
No, why would...?
I mean, I'm not Jewish...
150
00:07:31,220 --> 00:07:34,276
and I'm circumcised. So it can...
- It doesn't work like that.
151
00:07:34,451 --> 00:07:37,211
Lana, come on.
I think we both know it works fine.
152
00:07:37,384 --> 00:07:40,076
Oh, come on. Not your dick, dumbass.
153
00:07:40,249 --> 00:07:42,577
Oh, my God!
This is about you and me, right?
154
00:07:42,748 --> 00:07:46,304
- Oh, my God! Get over yourself!
- Hey, I am over me.
155
00:07:46,479 --> 00:07:48,069
But apparently you're not.
156
00:07:49,645 --> 00:07:54,871
- What the hell smells like shrimp?
- Just my sensual womanhood.
157
00:07:55,043 --> 00:07:56,632
Oh, wait. Ew.
158
00:07:56,807 --> 00:07:58,739
I bet your womanhood smells divine.
159
00:07:58,907 --> 00:08:02,394
- Conway!
- Now, whom can I thank for these shrimps?
160
00:08:02,573 --> 00:08:06,628
Me, your secret Jew Santa.
161
00:08:09,136 --> 00:08:12,589
Conway! That was amazing.
162
00:08:12,768 --> 00:08:14,994
Yes, so, uh...
163
00:08:15,166 --> 00:08:16,189
okay.
164
00:08:16,367 --> 00:08:19,388
- Oh, my God, I hope I'm pregnant.
- What are you talking about?
165
00:08:19,565 --> 00:08:22,757
The system bounced your sexual
harassment complaint against Conway.
166
00:08:22,930 --> 00:08:25,793
- Well, unbounce it back.
- Who am I, Tron?
167
00:08:25,962 --> 00:08:27,689
Talk to your mother, she bounced it.
168
00:08:27,861 --> 00:08:29,190
- Why?
- Hey. Whoa.
169
00:08:29,360 --> 00:08:31,757
- Why would she do that?
- Don't go starting rumors...
170
00:08:31,926 --> 00:08:33,754
about Conway boning your mother.
- Oh, my...
171
00:08:36,824 --> 00:08:40,278
- You get any of that in the trash can?
- No.
172
00:08:40,456 --> 00:08:42,285
I, uh, missed it on purpose.
173
00:08:42,456 --> 00:08:45,942
- Hey, Malory, uh, you got a second?
- I sincerely doubt it.
174
00:08:46,120 --> 00:08:49,710
- It's about Conway.
- Then yes, I have entire minutes.
175
00:08:49,885 --> 00:08:51,713
Isn't he just a dream come true?
176
00:08:51,884 --> 00:08:55,609
Well, that's the thing.
How did you actually find Conway?
177
00:08:55,782 --> 00:08:58,009
Well, he just sort of appeared.
178
00:08:58,181 --> 00:09:00,976
- Uh, yes, okay.
- Like a foundling, carved out of onyx.
179
00:09:01,146 --> 00:09:05,042
Yes, but from where? I mean,
if you didn't do a background check...
180
00:09:05,211 --> 00:09:08,108
Are you an idiot?
Or do you just think I am?
181
00:09:08,277 --> 00:09:11,400
- He totally checked out.
- Okay, so do you mind if I take a little...?
182
00:09:11,575 --> 00:09:15,700
Lana Kane! Just because now
you're not the only black agent...
183
00:09:15,873 --> 00:09:19,564
- Hey, that is not...
- Urban. Whatever.
184
00:09:19,738 --> 00:09:23,998
You come in here
and accuse Conway of what, exactly?
185
00:09:24,170 --> 00:09:27,499
Okay, fine,
I can't prove anything right now.
186
00:09:27,668 --> 00:09:31,462
But that never stopped J. Edna Hoover
from persecuting Martin Luther King...
187
00:09:31,633 --> 00:09:33,996
now, did it?
- What does that have to do...?
188
00:09:34,166 --> 00:09:35,722
Wait, J. Edna?
189
00:09:35,898 --> 00:09:39,727
You never heard that? How Hoover was
this huge, cross-dressing chicken hawk?
190
00:09:39,896 --> 00:09:43,224
- I had not.
- That's exactly the kind of slanderous...
191
00:09:43,394 --> 00:09:47,155
and unsubstantiated rumor
I will not tolerate at ISIS.
192
00:09:47,327 --> 00:09:50,383
- Think about that while on suspension.
- While I'm on what?
193
00:09:50,558 --> 00:09:52,580
- What are you, deaf and racist?
- Wha...?
194
00:09:52,757 --> 00:09:55,984
- I'm black.
- Oh, put it back in the deck.
195
00:09:56,157 --> 00:09:59,178
- Hey, how is my lovely lady.
- Suspended.
196
00:09:59,355 --> 00:10:01,251
- What?
- Malory suspended me.
197
00:10:01,420 --> 00:10:04,715
Just because I had the nerve
to ask questions about her little...
198
00:10:04,886 --> 00:10:07,874
homeboy McJewerson.
- Whoa, Lana, honey.
199
00:10:08,052 --> 00:10:10,243
- What?
- Even though it's perfectly natural...
200
00:10:10,417 --> 00:10:11,905
for you to be jealous of Conway...
201
00:10:14,248 --> 00:10:18,338
Then she cold-cocked you, huh?
- Yeah, with that big Flintstoney fist of hers.
202
00:10:18,513 --> 00:10:21,841
- Seriously, "Homeboy McJewerson"?
- Oh, come on, I've heard worse than that.
203
00:10:22,011 --> 00:10:23,738
Yeah, but it doesn't even make sense.
204
00:10:23,910 --> 00:10:27,341
- I mean, maybe if you were Scottish or...
- Hey, man, racism, anti-Semitism.
205
00:10:27,509 --> 00:10:30,905
You can't go looking for logic in it.
Here, this'll help the swelling.
206
00:10:31,074 --> 00:10:33,403
Oh, thank you. Ha, ha.
Where'd you get the steak?
207
00:10:33,573 --> 00:10:37,436
Cristal. Yet another offering
of unrefrigerated meat and/or seafood.
208
00:10:37,605 --> 00:10:41,728
- Yeah, she's kind of weird that way.
- She's kind of weird a bunch of ways.
209
00:10:42,802 --> 00:10:44,358
What you doing, Birdbones?
210
00:10:44,534 --> 00:10:47,795
- Looking for a pregnancy test online.
- But there's a drugstore half a...
211
00:10:47,967 --> 00:10:51,125
Oh. You mean that you take online.
212
00:10:51,298 --> 00:10:54,491
- Yeah I want to know like, now.
- Well, thank God for them internets.
213
00:10:54,664 --> 00:10:57,992
- Okay, what is this lame meeting about?
- No idea, I'm busy and go away.
214
00:10:58,162 --> 00:11:00,524
- Excuse me?
- Oh, my God, why are you still here?
215
00:11:00,694 --> 00:11:03,955
- Mother called me for a meeting.
- But I thought you called a meeting.
216
00:11:04,127 --> 00:11:08,114
Oh, and by the way, you don't
call a meeting, only I call a meeting.
217
00:11:08,291 --> 00:11:11,688
I called the meeting.
- Which I love. That you did that.
218
00:11:11,857 --> 00:11:13,583
I know it's not standard procedure...
219
00:11:13,756 --> 00:11:17,447
but we've got a problem.
- A problem or a blessing?
220
00:11:19,253 --> 00:11:20,275
A problem.
221
00:11:20,452 --> 00:11:23,814
It's a silent submarine propulsion
system, called the Whisper Drive.
222
00:11:23,983 --> 00:11:26,380
- Oh, sounds sexy.
- Would you stop it.
223
00:11:26,550 --> 00:11:27,880
- Folks, please.
- Embarrassing.
224
00:11:28,050 --> 00:11:30,241
- You are embarrassing.
- Jesus.
225
00:11:30,415 --> 00:11:34,345
This is Wilhelm Schmeck,
inventor of the Whisper Drive.
226
00:11:34,513 --> 00:11:37,535
Schmeck went missing
along with the plans for the Whisper Drive.
227
00:11:37,712 --> 00:11:40,676
I tracked him to South Beach.
He's arranged to sell the plans...
228
00:11:40,843 --> 00:11:43,502
to Cuban Naval Intelligence.
If that happens...
229
00:11:43,676 --> 00:11:48,368
undetectable Cuban missile subs
could be parked right off Miami Beach.
230
00:11:48,541 --> 00:11:51,700
Ugh. Just what Miami needs.
More Cubans.
231
00:11:51,872 --> 00:11:55,597
And all we need is a stand-in,
who resembles Schmeck's Cuban contact...
232
00:11:55,770 --> 00:11:59,167
Wha...? What? That looks nothing like me.
233
00:11:59,335 --> 00:12:01,527
- Well, he's just a lot more handsome.
- Whatever.
234
00:12:01,701 --> 00:12:03,962
Zip it! Conway, dear?
235
00:12:04,133 --> 00:12:05,996
- The plan?
- Using Archer as bait...
236
00:12:06,166 --> 00:12:10,323
we slip in just ahead of the real Cubans,
capture Schmeck, and recover the plans.
237
00:12:10,497 --> 00:12:13,088
If we could run this thing
through your condo, that...
238
00:12:13,263 --> 00:12:15,820
- You have a South Beach condo?
- I, uh...
239
00:12:15,995 --> 00:12:17,756
Oh, hey, how's the, uh, lemon tree doing?
240
00:12:17,928 --> 00:12:20,586
Ra�I says it already has tiny lemons.
241
00:12:20,759 --> 00:12:22,748
That was a wonderful thank-you gift.
242
00:12:22,925 --> 00:12:25,389
- Well, it was a wonderful weekend.
- It was, wasn't it?
243
00:12:25,557 --> 00:12:27,988
You were there, in the condo, together?
244
00:12:28,155 --> 00:12:29,781
- Yeah, last weekend.
Oh, my God.
245
00:12:31,221 --> 00:12:35,413
Oh, for... See? That's what happens
when you drink all day and skip lunch.
246
00:12:35,586 --> 00:12:38,176
Oh, we were supposed to have paella.
247
00:12:42,116 --> 00:12:44,173
Archer, come on, man, let's go.
248
00:12:44,349 --> 00:12:47,007
You go! Get on the plane,
buckle in, sit there...
249
00:12:47,181 --> 00:12:49,737
and think about how you're not
the boss of me.
250
00:12:49,913 --> 00:12:52,174
Hey, babe. Got any extra puke bags?
251
00:12:52,346 --> 00:12:54,402
Why? You taking a moral inventory?
252
00:12:54,578 --> 00:12:57,509
Jesus, God,
what are you doing here?
253
00:12:57,676 --> 00:12:59,608
- I'm, trying to save...
- A relationship?
254
00:12:59,776 --> 00:13:04,172
Lana, maybe when I get back, we can work
out some kind of bang-buddy deal, but...
255
00:13:04,340 --> 00:13:05,704
Ow!
256
00:13:05,873 --> 00:13:10,530
- I want you to listen to me.
- Well then unperforate my eardrum.
257
00:13:10,704 --> 00:13:12,068
Un...
258
00:13:12,238 --> 00:13:13,862
head up your ass!
259
00:13:14,036 --> 00:13:15,898
I think Conway is totally up to something.
260
00:13:16,069 --> 00:13:19,761
Duh! You think I'm an idiot?
I know he wants to marry Mother...
261
00:13:19,933 --> 00:13:21,762
and cut me out of the will.
- Ugh. Archer.
262
00:13:21,933 --> 00:13:25,488
- Which is why I'm going to kill him.
- Oh. Okay, well, whatever the reason.
263
00:13:25,664 --> 00:13:28,288
It's not because of the whole
black stepfather thing.
264
00:13:28,463 --> 00:13:30,485
- You know me better than that.
- Yeah, I do.
265
00:13:30,662 --> 00:13:33,821
So try not to do anything stupid, okay?
Conway could be dangerous.
266
00:13:33,993 --> 00:13:35,482
Yeah. You know what's dangerous?
267
00:13:35,660 --> 00:13:37,124
- Your obsession with me.
- Just...
268
00:13:37,292 --> 00:13:39,984
Seriously Lana, call Kenny Loggins
because you're in the Danger Zone.
269
00:13:41,390 --> 00:13:43,912
- From Top Gun.
- Just be careful.
270
00:13:45,722 --> 00:13:46,983
No.
271
00:13:52,053 --> 00:13:54,609
God, this is so classic Mother.
272
00:13:54,785 --> 00:13:56,546
Yeah, it's pretty tastefully done, huh?
273
00:13:56,718 --> 00:13:58,876
No, you ass. The selfishness.
274
00:13:59,050 --> 00:14:01,038
She never shares anything with anybody.
275
00:14:01,216 --> 00:14:03,044
You're keeping that office for you?
276
00:14:03,215 --> 00:14:06,339
I need it to escape the glare
from those windows across the street.
277
00:14:06,513 --> 00:14:08,536
From the...? There's no glare.
278
00:14:08,712 --> 00:14:12,938
Well, not now. But mid-April?
Every morning. For almost 20 minutes.
279
00:14:13,110 --> 00:14:16,075
So you're gonna keep that huge
corner office empty the other...
280
00:14:16,243 --> 00:14:20,037
- Ninety-gazillion percent of the time.
- Just because the glare is annoying?
281
00:14:20,208 --> 00:14:23,071
Well, semi-annoying.
282
00:14:23,240 --> 00:14:26,102
Okay, you're meeting Schmeck
at that caf� across the street.
283
00:14:26,271 --> 00:14:30,099
- And, uh, why do you have that? Exactly?
- You never know what's gonna happen.
284
00:14:30,269 --> 00:14:34,291
Yeah, two people all alone together,
down here in South Beach.
285
00:14:34,469 --> 00:14:36,831
I'd rather have it and not need it...
- Uh-huh.
286
00:14:37,000 --> 00:14:39,521
Than need it and not have it.
- Ah. Uh-huh.
287
00:14:39,699 --> 00:14:42,255
Kind of like a condom.
Which happened last weekend.
288
00:14:42,431 --> 00:14:45,418
- Oh, my...! Ugh!
- Damn, man, I was kidding!
289
00:14:45,596 --> 00:14:48,026
- Look, if you're too nervous...
- I'm fine, all right?
290
00:14:48,195 --> 00:14:50,785
Just let me rinse off my mustache.
291
00:14:50,960 --> 00:14:53,619
You are more handsome in your photos.
292
00:14:53,792 --> 00:14:56,019
Oh, yeah, talk to me about handsome.
293
00:14:56,192 --> 00:14:58,384
And you have no trace of Cuban accent.
294
00:14:58,558 --> 00:15:00,284
Yeah, it's called tradecraft, genius.
295
00:15:00,457 --> 00:15:03,115
- I blend.
- Just shut up and get the plans.
296
00:15:03,289 --> 00:15:05,220
- You shut up and get the plans.
- What?
297
00:15:05,388 --> 00:15:08,217
I mean, give me those plans now.
Give me those plans.
298
00:15:08,387 --> 00:15:11,351
You may have them once I confirm
the balance in my Swiss account.
299
00:15:11,884 --> 00:15:13,282
- Tell him not to bother.
- What?
300
00:15:13,451 --> 00:15:15,178
Wait, what are we doing?
301
00:15:16,649 --> 00:15:19,944
- Conway! What the shit, man?
- What? Schmeck was a traitor.
302
00:15:20,115 --> 00:15:23,045
Yeah, now he's all over
my 400 dollar custom shirt.
303
00:15:23,213 --> 00:15:26,371
I'll buy you a new one.
Now grab the plans before it's too late.
304
00:15:26,545 --> 00:15:31,067
- It's already too late.
- Ha, ha! Yes it is, now hand over...
305
00:15:31,243 --> 00:15:34,003
Because it's already
soaked into the fibers, dumbass.
306
00:15:34,176 --> 00:15:35,731
This is linen!
307
00:15:37,573 --> 00:15:40,561
And that is a Cuban hit squad.
308
00:15:40,739 --> 00:15:42,567
And you might want to duck.
309
00:15:46,602 --> 00:15:49,090
Oh, my God. Conway!
310
00:15:49,268 --> 00:15:52,233
- That was amazing!
- Yeah, well, you know.
311
00:15:52,400 --> 00:15:54,695
No, seriously, that was like...
312
00:15:54,866 --> 00:15:57,490
- That was like, uh...
- A Charles Whitman Sampler?
313
00:15:57,665 --> 00:16:00,323
Damn it, yes. Seriously, thanks.
314
00:16:00,497 --> 00:16:02,689
Oh, don't thank me yet.
315
00:16:02,863 --> 00:16:04,918
What, Conway? No!
316
00:16:06,461 --> 00:16:09,086
- Now you can thank me.
- Oh, my God.
317
00:16:09,260 --> 00:16:10,724
You saved my life twice.
318
00:16:10,892 --> 00:16:12,222
You'd have done the same for me.
319
00:16:12,392 --> 00:16:13,549
- No, I wouldn't have.
- Ha, ha.
320
00:16:13,724 --> 00:16:15,916
I was actually kind of planning to kill you.
321
00:16:16,090 --> 00:16:19,055
- Wait, what?
- I know, now I'm totally embarrassed.
322
00:16:19,222 --> 00:16:21,619
Hey, you know what?
Water under the bridge, dude.
323
00:16:21,788 --> 00:16:24,877
- Come over here, let's man-hug it.
- All right. Okay. Um...
324
00:16:25,719 --> 00:16:28,843
I mean, after all we are going to be family.
Once I marry your Mom.
325
00:16:29,018 --> 00:16:32,676
- What?
- I'm kidding. God, relax, man.
326
00:16:32,849 --> 00:16:36,280
Because for a second there, I was like...
I mean, not in a racist way, but...
327
00:16:37,847 --> 00:16:39,176
- Conway?
- Yeah, buddy.
328
00:16:39,347 --> 00:16:42,869
- Uh, are there more bad guys behind me?
- Nope.
329
00:16:43,045 --> 00:16:44,839
You dick.
330
00:16:47,110 --> 00:16:49,700
You dumbass. I set this whole thing up.
331
00:16:49,876 --> 00:16:52,272
I just needed a stand-in
for those broke-ass Cubans.
332
00:16:52,441 --> 00:16:54,804
- Yeah, I get it.
- I mean, come on!
333
00:16:54,973 --> 00:16:57,733
The Chinese'll pay five times
as much for the Whisper Drive.
334
00:16:57,905 --> 00:17:02,064
And once they do? Let's just say you better
learn to use some chopsticks, buddy.
335
00:17:02,237 --> 00:17:05,031
Conway, wait.
Just answer me one question.
336
00:17:05,202 --> 00:17:07,132
Yeah, make it quick. My ride is here.
337
00:17:09,333 --> 00:17:13,128
- And your lungs are filling up with blood.
- Did you have sex with my mother?
338
00:17:13,298 --> 00:17:15,785
Wait, what?
That is your only question?
339
00:17:15,964 --> 00:17:18,985
Not who am I,
not how did I infiltrate ISIS...
340
00:17:19,162 --> 00:17:22,787
or who the hell is flying the helicopter?
- Just answer the question!
341
00:17:22,962 --> 00:17:26,289
No, Archer,
I didn't have sex with your mom.
342
00:17:26,459 --> 00:17:28,617
- Oh, thank God.
- Oh, and that?
343
00:17:28,792 --> 00:17:31,450
That would have been a though image
to get out of my head.
344
00:17:31,624 --> 00:17:33,485
That, right there?
That kind of racism...
345
00:17:33,655 --> 00:17:37,644
is exactly why I can't wait to see tiny
little Chinese boots...
346
00:17:37,821 --> 00:17:40,513
on your white-ass necks.
347
00:17:40,687 --> 00:17:44,448
Which may sound hypocritical,
I know, but...
348
00:17:44,618 --> 00:17:46,379
Would you go?
349
00:17:46,551 --> 00:17:49,912
- Aah! What the...?
- Sorry, Conway.
350
00:17:50,082 --> 00:17:52,570
- Oh, wait, shit, I had something for this.
- Aah.
351
00:17:52,748 --> 00:17:55,975
Is it something like, uh,
"You don't get off the hook that easy"?
352
00:17:56,147 --> 00:17:58,169
- Damn it.
- Yeah, he's good at those.
353
00:17:58,346 --> 00:18:00,867
- Well, crawl on over there and blow him.
- Hey, come on.
354
00:18:01,045 --> 00:18:05,532
- Now, drop the case, Conway!
- It's cuffed on, woman.
355
00:18:05,709 --> 00:18:08,934
Aah! And how the hell are your hands
that freaking strong...?
356
00:18:11,040 --> 00:18:12,300
Ew.
357
00:18:12,473 --> 00:18:15,665
You haven't seen the last of Conway Stern!
358
00:18:15,838 --> 00:18:18,826
Which is not my real name!
359
00:18:20,435 --> 00:18:22,129
Uh, so let me guess.
- Yeah.
360
00:18:22,302 --> 00:18:25,596
Whoever he is, he ghosted an ID file
onto our worldwide database.
361
00:18:25,767 --> 00:18:28,596
Yeah. Which you probably found
while researching me.
362
00:18:30,198 --> 00:18:31,891
Lana, because you're in the, uh...
363
00:18:32,064 --> 00:18:34,359
...Danger Zone.
364
00:18:34,529 --> 00:18:36,757
And those were his last words.
365
00:18:36,929 --> 00:18:39,291
Right before he bled to death on the rug.
366
00:18:39,461 --> 00:18:44,016
Which rug? Oh, good.
I thought you meant in the bedroom.
367
00:18:44,192 --> 00:18:47,884
No, that one is just jute. Exactly.
368
00:18:48,057 --> 00:18:51,715
Guests come in from the beach,
they're all sandy or whatever, and...
369
00:18:51,888 --> 00:18:55,978
Suspension? Lana, dear,
you are getting a bonus. My God!
370
00:18:56,153 --> 00:18:59,982
You foiled that perfidious Conway,
saved Sterling's...
371
00:19:00,152 --> 00:19:02,343
All right, just pull the knife out.
372
00:19:04,184 --> 00:19:06,614
And then slap Saran Wrap on the hole.
373
00:19:06,782 --> 00:19:08,974
Oh! But leave me enough
to make guacamole.
374
00:19:09,148 --> 00:19:14,305
No, you squeeze lemon juice over it, then
smush the Saran Wrap right down on top.
375
00:19:14,479 --> 00:19:18,376
That way it doesn't go brown.
Oh, let the paramedics do that.
376
00:19:18,544 --> 00:19:22,066
You just have fun, dear. Mm-hm. Bye.
377
00:19:22,241 --> 00:19:26,899
Oh, damn. Now I bet she's going to
squeeze up all my brand new lemons.
378
00:19:27,074 --> 00:19:29,834
And I'll have nothing left
to remind me of Conway.
379
00:19:30,006 --> 00:19:33,493
- Except his little mocha love child.
- His what?
380
00:19:33,670 --> 00:19:35,499
Yeah.
- You had sex with Conway?
381
00:19:35,670 --> 00:19:37,759
Yeah, and he totally impregnated me.
382
00:19:37,935 --> 00:19:41,229
Wait, he was only here two days.
383
00:19:41,400 --> 00:19:44,092
How is that pregnancy test
showing positive?
384
00:19:44,266 --> 00:19:48,162
Oh, this is just a detergent pen.
I just put a little blue sticker on it.
32557
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