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1
00:00:02,770 --> 00:00:04,169
iously on
And you can shred
"Americayour Black Card.
2
00:00:04,205 --> 00:00:05,604
Mom's cutting you off.
You know what?
3
00:00:05,639 --> 00:00:07,339
You can tell Mom to keep
her emotional blood money.
4
00:00:07,375 --> 00:00:09,575
I'm getting a job here.
You're what?
5
00:00:09,610 --> 00:00:10,576
You're hired.
6
00:00:10,611 --> 00:00:12,211
[ Indistinct conversations ]
7
00:00:12,246 --> 00:00:14,747
Huzzah for the tipper!
8
00:00:14,782 --> 00:00:17,416
Look, I'm beyond sorry that what I did upset you.
9
00:00:17,451 --> 00:00:19,018
Are you
on our honeymoon?
10
00:00:19,053 --> 00:00:20,786
Oh, my God. Amanda.
You guys, it's Amanda.
11
00:00:20,821 --> 00:00:22,688
Oh. Hi!
12
00:00:22,723 --> 00:00:24,223
I just spoke to Brett.
13
00:00:24,258 --> 00:00:27,026
How's rehab?
Morgan:
Lexi, she's not in rehab.
14
00:00:27,061 --> 00:00:29,595
That's just what we're saying.
I know this is a weird time,
15
00:00:29,630 --> 00:00:32,364
but are you reimbursing us for the bridesmaid dresses?
16
00:00:32,400 --> 00:00:34,099
What? No.
17
00:00:34,135 --> 00:00:36,735
[ Sobbing ]
18
00:00:36,771 --> 00:00:39,071
How can you have
known me for one day
19
00:00:39,106 --> 00:00:40,639
and be nicer to me
than the people
20
00:00:40,674 --> 00:00:42,875
who were supposed to be
in my wedding?
21
00:00:42,910 --> 00:00:45,611
The man who broke your heart
was back to rub your nose in it,
22
00:00:45,646 --> 00:00:46,879
publicly?
23
00:00:46,914 --> 00:00:49,882
He's such a dick.
Always was.
24
00:00:51,919 --> 00:00:54,119
[ Water running ]
25
00:00:54,155 --> 00:01:02,594
��
26
00:01:02,630 --> 00:01:11,136
��
27
00:01:11,172 --> 00:01:15,007
[ Delilah moaning ]
[ Vibrator buzzing ]
28
00:01:15,042 --> 00:01:17,509
[ Laughing ]
29
00:01:17,545 --> 00:01:20,112
[ Banging ]
30
00:01:20,147 --> 00:01:22,714
[ Moaning continues ]
31
00:01:26,120 --> 00:01:27,853
[ Sighs ]
[ Buzzing stops ]
32
00:01:27,888 --> 00:01:30,089
Morning.
33
00:01:31,525 --> 00:01:35,494
[ Yawns ]
34
00:01:35,529 --> 00:01:39,765
��
35
00:01:39,800 --> 00:01:40,999
Ew.
36
00:01:41,035 --> 00:01:43,168
[ Groans ]
37
00:01:43,204 --> 00:01:44,503
[ Sighs ]
38
00:01:44,538 --> 00:01:49,274
��
39
00:01:49,310 --> 00:01:50,642
Huh?
40
00:01:50,678 --> 00:01:53,512
[ Water running ]
41
00:02:00,020 --> 00:02:01,487
Oh.
42
00:02:03,324 --> 00:02:05,624
[ Groans ]
43
00:02:05,659 --> 00:02:08,794
[ Maggie sobbing ]
44
00:02:08,829 --> 00:02:15,200
��
45
00:02:15,236 --> 00:02:23,709
��
46
00:02:23,744 --> 00:02:25,210
Hi.
47
00:02:25,246 --> 00:02:28,413
Uh, excuse me.
48
00:02:28,449 --> 00:02:31,183
Do you think I could maybe
borrow some shampoo?
49
00:02:33,354 --> 00:02:35,053
[ Water stops ]
50
00:02:35,089 --> 00:02:39,358
��
51
00:02:39,393 --> 00:02:42,327
Ooh!
[ Gasps ] Excuse me.
52
00:02:42,363 --> 00:02:45,531
Hey. Are you okay?
It sounded like you were --
53
00:02:45,566 --> 00:02:47,166
Upset?
54
00:02:47,201 --> 00:02:50,369
Yes. I saw a spider,
55
00:02:50,404 --> 00:02:54,339
but it was washed down the drain
before I could rescue it.
56
00:02:54,375 --> 00:02:55,674
Nature is a bitch.
57
00:02:55,709 --> 00:02:57,442
Well, maybe when
the sun comes up,
58
00:02:57,478 --> 00:02:59,344
it'll climb up
the spout again.
59
00:02:59,380 --> 00:03:01,513
You're not supposed
to be in here.
60
00:03:01,549 --> 00:03:04,416
I thought this was
a communal shower, like
at Camp Mischpocheh.
61
00:03:04,451 --> 00:03:06,051
This is my private
shower time.
62
00:03:06,086 --> 00:03:07,619
You can reserve
private shower time?
63
00:03:07,655 --> 00:03:10,122
Where's the sign-up sheet?
There is no sign-up sheet.
64
00:03:10,157 --> 00:03:13,792
There is seniority and time
spent and a position earned.
65
00:03:13,827 --> 00:03:15,460
But I-I --
Out.
66
00:03:15,496 --> 00:03:18,230
��
67
00:03:18,265 --> 00:03:20,933
So, she's the queen
of the bathroom, too?
68
00:03:20,968 --> 00:03:22,401
She's the queen
of everything.
69
00:03:22,436 --> 00:03:24,236
Well, she sure ain't
the queen of waxing salon.
70
00:03:24,271 --> 00:03:26,572
I just can't shake the visual
of her hair-ea.
71
00:03:26,607 --> 00:03:28,140
I'm not saying everyone
should get a Brazil,
72
00:03:28,175 --> 00:03:29,875
but they should at least
get out of Romania.
73
00:03:29,910 --> 00:03:32,110
I once let my armpit hair grow
out to see if I could braid it.
74
00:03:32,146 --> 00:03:33,378
[ Chuckles ]
Could you?
75
00:03:33,414 --> 00:03:35,414
I couldn't.
It kept curling up.
76
00:03:35,449 --> 00:03:37,216
So, Maggie was mad?
She wasn't happy.
77
00:03:37,251 --> 00:03:39,251
Oh. That's not good.
Why not?
78
00:03:39,286 --> 00:03:42,721
Because Maggie's approval
means everything.
79
00:03:42,756 --> 00:03:45,757
It means better shower time.
It means more beer tickets.
80
00:03:45,793 --> 00:03:47,759
Oh, and if she
really likes you,
81
00:03:47,795 --> 00:03:50,729
she'll let you take a nap on
the sheepskin rug in her tent.
82
00:03:50,764 --> 00:03:53,632
[ Sniffs, gasps ]
83
00:03:53,667 --> 00:03:56,768
Honeysuckle.
Oats and grapefruit gobblers.
84
00:03:56,804 --> 00:03:59,671
Oh, Fairemily breakfast.
85
00:03:59,707 --> 00:04:01,807
Oh!
86
00:04:01,842 --> 00:04:03,642
Sorry. So sorry.
87
00:04:03,677 --> 00:04:05,077
Stick.
88
00:04:05,112 --> 00:04:07,679
��
89
00:04:07,715 --> 00:04:09,948
[ Exhales deeply ]
90
00:04:09,984 --> 00:04:12,251
[ Tongue clicks ]
91
00:04:12,286 --> 00:04:14,019
Oh, hey, Sugar Shack.
92
00:04:14,054 --> 00:04:16,788
Hey.
Omelets. Awesome.
93
00:04:16,824 --> 00:04:18,290
Are there onions?
94
00:04:18,325 --> 00:04:19,825
And I'll have whatever cheese
you've got, but light.
95
00:04:19,860 --> 00:04:22,294
Too much dairy is --
Well, you get it.
96
00:04:22,329 --> 00:04:24,196
Yep. I got it.
97
00:04:24,231 --> 00:04:26,431
Oh, leave that flame
so I get it.
98
00:04:26,467 --> 00:04:30,369
We cook for ourselves with the
food we buy ourselves, princess.
99
00:04:30,404 --> 00:04:32,604
That's "pub wench"
to you.
100
00:04:32,640 --> 00:04:34,673
What, you only know how
to make reservations?
101
00:04:34,708 --> 00:04:37,876
Rude and vaguely anti-Semitic.
How about this?
102
00:04:37,911 --> 00:04:40,712
I will make a double-sized
cheddar-and-ham for myself,
103
00:04:40,748 --> 00:04:42,481
and I'll give you
half on credit.
104
00:04:42,516 --> 00:04:44,816
Thank you.
No ham in mine, though,
105
00:04:44,852 --> 00:04:48,320
unless you can assure me that
the meat is sustainably farm--
106
00:04:48,355 --> 00:04:49,988
Ham is fine.
Mm-hmm.
107
00:04:50,024 --> 00:04:52,891
And I'm guessing that
there aren't any egg whites?
108
00:04:52,926 --> 00:04:56,428
Got it, no. Cool.
It's co-- It's cool.
109
00:04:57,331 --> 00:05:01,566
Oh! Look at you
all dressed in clothes.
110
00:05:01,602 --> 00:05:04,236
Amanda said you were
crying this morning.
111
00:05:04,271 --> 00:05:07,472
[ Sighs ]
When I get sad,
I think about fish.
112
00:05:07,508 --> 00:05:10,409
Don't focus on
the plastic they eat.
113
00:05:10,444 --> 00:05:13,879
Think about
their adorable faces.
114
00:05:15,149 --> 00:05:18,417
Ugh. I'm off to
Faire workshop.
You're going to that, too?
115
00:05:18,452 --> 00:05:20,919
Great. I was gonna
maybe stop by.
Ugh.
116
00:05:20,954 --> 00:05:25,657
Uh, FYI --
Maggie teaches the workshop,
117
00:05:25,693 --> 00:05:28,193
and it's mandatory for newbs.
Even for pub wenches?
118
00:05:28,228 --> 00:05:29,995
We mainly just
pour beer and jiggle.
119
00:05:30,030 --> 00:05:32,764
We like our peripheral employees
to stay consistent
120
00:05:32,800 --> 00:05:34,700
with proper Elizabethan
dialect,
121
00:05:34,735 --> 00:05:37,936
syntax, behavior
as best they can.
122
00:05:37,971 --> 00:05:40,605
Peripheral?
Superfluous,
extraneous, nonessential.
123
00:05:40,641 --> 00:05:44,676
I know what peripheral means.
Well, you should shine, then.
124
00:05:44,712 --> 00:05:46,078
Do you sleep in that?
125
00:05:46,113 --> 00:05:47,913
David:
Whoa, all garbed up?
126
00:05:47,948 --> 00:05:49,348
I thought you were going
to a radio station.
127
00:05:49,383 --> 00:05:52,718
Thanks.
I am.
To be on the radio.
128
00:05:52,753 --> 00:05:55,687
I am representing the Faire
as William Shakespeare.
129
00:05:55,723 --> 00:05:59,124
It's fun for
the disc jockeys.
130
00:05:59,159 --> 00:06:01,860
[ Chuckles ] Well,
I love the school spirit.
131
00:06:01,895 --> 00:06:04,296
You go knock 'em dead, son.
I shall.
132
00:06:04,331 --> 00:06:07,265
You going
to Maggie's workshop?
133
00:06:07,301 --> 00:06:10,068
Can't. Me and Shart are
gonna paper the town
with Ren Faire fliers,
134
00:06:10,104 --> 00:06:11,903
you know,
drum up the locals?
135
00:06:11,939 --> 00:06:15,140
Radio gigs and fliers -- really
leaning into this Dark Ages
136
00:06:15,175 --> 00:06:17,309
branding in every way.
You know, the Dark Ages
137
00:06:17,344 --> 00:06:19,111
was actually a few
hundred years before the --
138
00:06:19,146 --> 00:06:20,445
The Renaissance. I know.
Yeah, mm-hmm.
139
00:06:20,481 --> 00:06:21,947
I was being nonliteral.
140
00:06:24,318 --> 00:06:28,286
I'll be on the air
in 47 minutes...
141
00:06:28,322 --> 00:06:30,422
in case you want to hear
how it's done.
142
00:06:32,760 --> 00:06:35,260
[ Door closes ]
Shakespeare wore a smartwatch?
143
00:06:35,295 --> 00:06:38,663
Eh, man was fastidious about
his 10,000 steps a day.
144
00:06:38,699 --> 00:06:40,265
I do.
145
00:06:40,300 --> 00:06:41,733
All: I do.
146
00:06:41,769 --> 00:06:42,968
Thou dost.
147
00:06:43,003 --> 00:06:44,236
Thou dost.
148
00:06:44,271 --> 00:06:45,504
Huzzah!
149
00:06:45,539 --> 00:06:47,139
Huzzah!
150
00:06:47,174 --> 00:06:49,841
Now, I couldn't help
but overhear multiple examples
151
00:06:49,877 --> 00:06:51,943
of dropped Elizabethan phrasing
last weekend.
152
00:06:51,979 --> 00:06:55,414
Whether you are serving food
or fitting corsets,
153
00:06:55,449 --> 00:06:59,584
you are part of one cohesive
show here, people -- our show.
154
00:06:59,620 --> 00:07:01,820
For instance...
155
00:07:01,855 --> 00:07:04,623
Hey, Natasha.
...it is not a smartphone,
it is a tiny, portable...
156
00:07:04,658 --> 00:07:06,458
Did I miss anything?
No.
157
00:07:06,493 --> 00:07:09,027
Just Elizabeth telling us
we suck at Elizabethan.
158
00:07:09,062 --> 00:07:13,498
Good day, mistress.
How gracious of thee to join us.
159
00:07:13,534 --> 00:07:15,767
Sorry. There was a crazy line
for the privies.
160
00:07:15,803 --> 00:07:17,369
And who do I --
As I was saying,
161
00:07:17,404 --> 00:07:19,604
I've noticed some slacking.
162
00:07:19,640 --> 00:07:21,206
Ow.
For instance,
we are not selling turkey legs.
163
00:07:21,241 --> 00:07:22,774
You okay?
Cramps.
164
00:07:22,810 --> 00:07:24,509
Oh, I'm sure someone around here
has ibuprofen.
165
00:07:24,545 --> 00:07:26,845
Oh, no, babe.
I don't do pills.
She doesn't do pills.
166
00:07:26,880 --> 00:07:28,713
Hmm?
I'm saying,
"Natasha doesn't do pills."
167
00:07:28,749 --> 00:07:30,148
That's right.
Yeah.
168
00:07:30,184 --> 00:07:33,118
It is our responsibility
to live, breathe,
169
00:07:33,153 --> 00:07:36,721
and speak British history.
Ooh.
170
00:07:36,757 --> 00:07:38,723
I know a ton
about British history
171
00:07:38,759 --> 00:07:40,492
and the East London
club scene.
172
00:07:40,527 --> 00:07:43,695
Awesome.
As townsfolk of Shropshire,
173
00:07:43,730 --> 00:07:45,297
seeing the Queen Elizabeth
in person
174
00:07:45,332 --> 00:07:47,132
would be the greatest honor
you could ever have.
175
00:07:47,167 --> 00:07:51,403
[ Coughs ]
And you must pay
the appropriate respect.
176
00:07:51,438 --> 00:07:55,006
The only person I bow down to
in real life is Beyonc�.
Slay.
177
00:07:55,042 --> 00:08:00,078
We show deference by kneeling,
by bowing, by curtsying.
178
00:08:00,113 --> 00:08:01,913
Who's first?
Ooh!
179
00:08:01,949 --> 00:08:04,249
Cardio Barre has me curtsying
like a boss.
180
00:08:04,284 --> 00:08:09,187
Natasha, maker of the pockets
of pork, come forth.
181
00:08:09,223 --> 00:08:10,856
Defer to your queen.
182
00:08:14,394 --> 00:08:15,894
Ow.
183
00:08:15,929 --> 00:08:18,230
[ Applause ]
Maggie: Most excellent.
184
00:08:18,265 --> 00:08:22,701
Callie, nurturer of horses.
185
00:08:22,736 --> 00:08:26,838
I mostly brush and ride,
but okay.
186
00:08:31,144 --> 00:08:33,111
[ Applause ]
Lovely.
187
00:08:33,146 --> 00:08:35,547
Very, very lithe.
188
00:08:37,050 --> 00:08:40,685
Juan Andr�s,
purveyor of fine flagons.
189
00:08:40,721 --> 00:08:42,921
Hail and well met,
Your Majesty.
190
00:08:42,956 --> 00:08:44,890
What the fo--
191
00:08:44,925 --> 00:08:46,525
[ Laughter ]
192
00:08:46,560 --> 00:08:50,228
One punch takes out
the both of you. One.
193
00:08:52,966 --> 00:08:54,466
[ Sighs ]
194
00:08:54,501 --> 00:08:57,702
Okay, you. Beguile us.
195
00:08:57,738 --> 00:08:59,804
Actually,
I was thinking --
Oh, f--
196
00:08:59,840 --> 00:09:02,474
You know how the queen would
literally never cross paths
197
00:09:02,509 --> 00:09:04,276
with a pub wench
in an open-air bar
198
00:09:04,311 --> 00:09:07,145
where they serve cocktails like
"Gimlet, Prince of Denmark"?
199
00:09:07,180 --> 00:09:10,048
So how fun would it be if,
instead,
200
00:09:10,083 --> 00:09:11,583
one of
the queen's guards,
201
00:09:11,618 --> 00:09:14,786
or whatever, fell in love
with the pub wench
202
00:09:14,821 --> 00:09:18,490
and he invited her to serve
the queen at her throne?
203
00:09:18,525 --> 00:09:21,393
Fun, right?
Oh, and...
204
00:09:22,930 --> 00:09:25,330
Like a palsied seal.
205
00:09:25,365 --> 00:09:27,766
Moving on.
W-Wait.
What about my idea?
206
00:09:27,801 --> 00:09:30,268
Let's stick with the scenarios
we already do, all right?
207
00:09:30,304 --> 00:09:31,937
I pass.
You lower yourself.
208
00:09:31,972 --> 00:09:33,638
We give our guests
the immersive experience
209
00:09:33,674 --> 00:09:35,273
of a queen and her queendom.
210
00:09:35,309 --> 00:09:37,175
But --
Shh. That's enough.
211
00:09:37,210 --> 00:09:38,410
Sit.
212
00:09:40,380 --> 00:09:43,114
Damn, girl.
You sassed Beyonc�.
Moving on. Who else?
213
00:09:43,150 --> 00:09:46,151
Lord Mason,
prostrate thyself.
214
00:09:46,186 --> 00:09:48,353
Did she say "prostate"?
[ Both chuckle ]
215
00:09:48,388 --> 00:09:49,621
Mason, bow!
216
00:09:49,656 --> 00:09:55,493
��
217
00:09:55,529 --> 00:09:57,262
Bravo.
218
00:09:57,297 --> 00:10:00,599
And that's how we do it.
219
00:10:00,634 --> 00:10:03,134
Pbht!
220
00:10:03,170 --> 00:10:08,373
Drew sleep out of mine eyes,
blood from my cheeks,
221
00:10:08,408 --> 00:10:11,142
musings into my mind,
222
00:10:11,178 --> 00:10:14,012
and finding little comfort
to relieve them.
223
00:10:14,047 --> 00:10:16,047
[ Snoring ]
Uh-oh. She's out.
224
00:10:16,083 --> 00:10:17,949
[ Both laugh ]
225
00:10:17,985 --> 00:10:21,519
I thought it princely charity
to grieve them.
226
00:10:21,555 --> 00:10:24,789
[ Heavy metal version
of "Greensleeves" plays ]
Whoa!
227
00:10:24,825 --> 00:10:26,725
Ooh!
Ah!
228
00:10:26,760 --> 00:10:28,159
More cowbell!
229
00:10:28,195 --> 00:10:29,961
[ Rim shot ]
[ Laughter ]
230
00:10:29,997 --> 00:10:32,797
Oh, man.
Good radio. Well done.
231
00:10:32,833 --> 00:10:34,666
Yeah, that rhymes.
232
00:10:34,701 --> 00:10:39,137
Oh, for all of you who think
you accidentally tuned to NPR,
233
00:10:39,172 --> 00:10:41,806
it's worse than that --
We're talking the Ren Faire.
234
00:10:41,842 --> 00:10:44,409
Ooh!
No offense,
Mr. Shakespeare, Bill,
235
00:10:44,444 --> 00:10:47,212
if I may, Billy, uh,
but that was boring.
236
00:10:47,247 --> 00:10:49,414
That was really, really boring.
Am I right?
237
00:10:49,449 --> 00:10:52,484
I mean, that was more boring
than a one-woman improv show.
238
00:10:52,519 --> 00:10:54,686
Excuse me. I did improv.
Yeah, and then I --
239
00:10:54,721 --> 00:10:57,389
I rescued you from that,
and now you do radio.
240
00:10:57,424 --> 00:11:00,158
Your poem made me
dry down thur.
241
00:11:00,193 --> 00:11:03,028
[ Laughs ]
Whoa! No.
You did not just go thur.
242
00:11:03,063 --> 00:11:05,597
Love you, mean it.
[ As Borat ]
She's my sister.
243
00:11:05,632 --> 00:11:08,433
She's number-four prostitute
in all of Kazakhstan.
244
00:11:08,468 --> 00:11:09,734
Nice.
245
00:11:09,770 --> 00:11:11,369
[ Laughter ]
246
00:11:11,405 --> 00:11:14,272
Um, actually,
i-it's not a poem.
247
00:11:14,307 --> 00:11:16,941
It's a scene from
"Pericles, Prince of Tyre,"
248
00:11:16,977 --> 00:11:18,743
who flees Antioch --
249
00:11:18,779 --> 00:11:20,545
[ Music resumes ]
Whoo!
250
00:11:20,580 --> 00:11:22,547
[ Laughs ]
251
00:11:22,582 --> 00:11:24,215
Oh!
252
00:11:24,251 --> 00:11:26,451
Ooh, uh,
quick question.
253
00:11:26,486 --> 00:11:30,021
On a serious note, does Pericles
have both of his testicl-ees,
254
00:11:30,057 --> 00:11:32,624
or is that a different
"Shakespeare story"?
255
00:11:32,659 --> 00:11:34,192
Great question.
Uh...
256
00:11:34,227 --> 00:11:36,261
He has two balls
or not two balls?
257
00:11:36,296 --> 00:11:38,797
[ Laughs ]
That is the castration.
258
00:11:38,832 --> 00:11:40,632
I-I-I don't believe --
259
00:11:40,667 --> 00:11:42,534
[ As Vito Corleone ] I'm gonna
make an offer he can't refuse.
260
00:11:42,569 --> 00:11:44,602
[ Laughter ]
261
00:11:44,638 --> 00:11:46,104
He is killing me today.
262
00:11:46,139 --> 00:11:47,439
Was that
"The Godfather"?
263
00:11:47,474 --> 00:11:49,074
How you hung down there,
Willy?
Ooh.
264
00:11:49,109 --> 00:11:50,742
[ As Austin Powers ]
Yeah, baby.
265
00:11:50,777 --> 00:11:53,078
Uh, I-I-I'm sorry.
I-I-I don't know.
266
00:11:53,113 --> 00:11:54,612
T-T-That's actually
a good question
267
00:11:54,648 --> 00:11:56,281
because anybody that dresses
like that
268
00:11:56,316 --> 00:11:58,316
has got to be pretty confident
in other areas, right?
269
00:11:58,351 --> 00:12:00,285
Ooh.
Careful there, Bacon.
270
00:12:00,320 --> 00:12:02,253
You're makin'
my tinklebox sizzle.
271
00:12:02,289 --> 00:12:06,257
Oh, snap, Chode.
She said "sizzle."
272
00:12:06,293 --> 00:12:08,993
[ Sizzling ]
Oh, Schnapps shots.
273
00:12:09,029 --> 00:12:11,396
All: [ Chanting ] Schnapps,
Schnapps, Schnapps, Schnapps,
274
00:12:11,431 --> 00:12:14,065
Schnapps, Schnapps, Schnapps,
Schnapps, Schnapps, Schnapps,
275
00:12:14,101 --> 00:12:15,834
Schnapps.
It's 9:52 in the morning.
276
00:12:15,869 --> 00:12:17,402
It is somewhere, right?
277
00:12:17,437 --> 00:12:19,070
[ As John Kimble ]
Stop whining. Stop whining.
278
00:12:19,106 --> 00:12:20,905
Who knew Shakespeare
was so uptight, huh?
279
00:12:20,941 --> 00:12:22,407
Maybe it's his tights.
280
00:12:22,442 --> 00:12:24,442
They're squeezin'
on those testicl-ees.
281
00:12:24,478 --> 00:12:27,011
[ Laughter ]
His testi--
Are the tights tight?
282
00:12:27,047 --> 00:12:29,514
On your -- On your balls.
Boo-yah!
283
00:12:29,549 --> 00:12:32,083
Mmm! All right.
Let's take some calls.
284
00:12:32,119 --> 00:12:34,319
No one from nowhere,
you're not on the line.
285
00:12:34,354 --> 00:12:36,855
We've lost all of our listeners.
They're all gone.
286
00:12:36,890 --> 00:12:39,958
[ Laughter ]
287
00:12:40,493 --> 00:12:44,763
All: � Sister, help
to trim the sails �
288
00:12:44,798 --> 00:12:50,835
� Hallelujah �
289
00:12:50,871 --> 00:12:53,838
[ Cheers and applause ]
290
00:12:53,874 --> 00:12:56,307
Ah! [ Laughs ]
291
00:12:56,343 --> 00:12:58,543
[ Laughter ]
292
00:12:58,578 --> 00:13:00,645
I'm okay!
293
00:13:00,680 --> 00:13:04,849
[ Laughing ]
Whoo! Oh, my hero.
294
00:13:04,885 --> 00:13:07,152
It's a hot dog
on a stick.
295
00:13:07,187 --> 00:13:10,488
Get it? Stick?
296
00:13:10,524 --> 00:13:12,657
It's a veggie dog.
297
00:13:12,692 --> 00:13:15,059
Meat is murder.
298
00:13:15,095 --> 00:13:16,661
You talk?
299
00:13:16,696 --> 00:13:19,664
You've heard me talk.
I've heard you say "stick."
300
00:13:19,699 --> 00:13:22,500
I mean, everyone here
does such amazing things.
301
00:13:22,536 --> 00:13:24,469
What's with
the stick shtick?
302
00:13:24,504 --> 00:13:27,672
[ Indistinct conversations ]
303
00:13:32,445 --> 00:13:34,813
Oh! Wha?
304
00:13:34,848 --> 00:13:37,415
You should do
more of that.
305
00:13:37,450 --> 00:13:39,551
First I must master
the stick.
306
00:13:39,586 --> 00:13:43,221
Hey, man. You got any more
of that oregano oil?
307
00:13:43,256 --> 00:13:46,057
When I can't hit the high C,
I know I got a cold coming on.
308
00:13:46,092 --> 00:13:47,358
Totes.
Yeah.
309
00:13:50,430 --> 00:13:52,831
Milady.
310
00:13:52,866 --> 00:13:54,666
My debt to you
is growing.
311
00:13:54,701 --> 00:13:56,901
Aye, tell me more.
312
00:13:56,937 --> 00:14:01,406
Oh. Mmm.
I needed this.
313
00:14:01,441 --> 00:14:04,676
I mean, I don't need it.
It's...
Mm-hmm.
314
00:14:04,711 --> 00:14:06,177
...just refreshing.
315
00:14:06,213 --> 00:14:08,079
Uh-huh.
316
00:14:08,114 --> 00:14:09,547
Stick can talk.
317
00:14:09,583 --> 00:14:12,717
You've heard him talk.
I -- But...
318
00:14:12,752 --> 00:14:15,386
Never mind.
319
00:14:15,422 --> 00:14:17,689
Where's Callie?
320
00:14:17,724 --> 00:14:19,624
Oh, she's teaching
G-Spot Awareness
321
00:14:19,659 --> 00:14:22,594
to Shart's wife
and a couple other gals.
322
00:14:22,629 --> 00:14:24,729
You're a lucky man.
323
00:14:24,764 --> 00:14:26,431
Yeah, it's 'cause I never
walk under ladders.
324
00:14:30,136 --> 00:14:31,769
Maggie hates me.
325
00:14:31,805 --> 00:14:34,806
No. She just hates
all the things you do and say.
326
00:14:34,841 --> 00:14:38,009
The normal response would be,
"No, she doesn't."
327
00:14:39,446 --> 00:14:42,313
I just don't get it.
People always like me.
328
00:14:42,349 --> 00:14:44,883
I have the most-watched
Insta stories of all my friends.
329
00:14:44,918 --> 00:14:47,819
[ Chuckles ]
What?
330
00:14:47,854 --> 00:14:52,757
Uh, you do tend to --
to "No, but" a lot.
331
00:14:52,792 --> 00:14:55,627
This is more of a-a
"Yes, and" kind of place.
332
00:14:55,662 --> 00:14:57,328
No, I don't.
But I --
333
00:14:57,364 --> 00:14:58,997
Right.
334
00:14:59,032 --> 00:15:00,999
Wait. What?
335
00:15:01,034 --> 00:15:02,934
You're in
Maggie's house.
336
00:15:02,969 --> 00:15:05,169
You just gotta take
your shoes off at the door.
337
00:15:05,205 --> 00:15:07,472
Even if they
make the outfit?
338
00:15:07,507 --> 00:15:10,108
What, so I'm just supposed
to kiss her ass?
339
00:15:10,143 --> 00:15:13,244
Just play along, like what
we do in the faireground.
340
00:15:13,280 --> 00:15:15,079
I don't know
what you're talking about.
341
00:15:15,115 --> 00:15:17,482
Ah, okay. Okay.
342
00:15:17,517 --> 00:15:18,850
My sweet lady.
343
00:15:18,885 --> 00:15:20,318
Oh!
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
344
00:15:20,353 --> 00:15:22,420
[ All cheer ]
I love this part.
345
00:15:22,455 --> 00:15:23,655
Do it. Do it. Do it.
346
00:15:23,690 --> 00:15:25,256
Thou art a vision.
347
00:15:25,292 --> 00:15:27,025
Um, okay.
348
00:15:27,060 --> 00:15:28,459
When last I did see thee,
349
00:15:28,495 --> 00:15:31,596
ye were portly
and covered in warts...
350
00:15:31,631 --> 00:15:33,865
and hairs.
[ Chuckling ] Oh!
351
00:15:33,900 --> 00:15:36,534
And thy stench was...whoa.
352
00:15:36,569 --> 00:15:39,671
[ Laughter ]
Whoa. Whoa. Whoa.
353
00:15:39,706 --> 00:15:40,939
Uh...
354
00:15:40,974 --> 00:15:42,941
But now...
[ Laughs ]
355
00:15:42,976 --> 00:15:46,844
...I see thee hast
transformed...
356
00:15:46,880 --> 00:15:49,981
into a most beauteous
and wondrous creature.
357
00:15:50,016 --> 00:15:55,887
Thy tresses,
thy lips, thy cheeks --
358
00:15:55,922 --> 00:15:58,656
ye must have paid
a great wizard quite a price
359
00:15:58,692 --> 00:16:01,526
for such a strong spell
of boundless beauty.
360
00:16:03,330 --> 00:16:05,697
Man: Whoo-hoo-hoo-hoo!
361
00:16:05,732 --> 00:16:07,799
Got it.
Oh, wow.
362
00:16:07,834 --> 00:16:09,834
That was thick.
363
00:16:09,869 --> 00:16:11,169
Ah!
364
00:16:11,204 --> 00:16:13,905
[ All cheering ]
365
00:16:13,940 --> 00:16:15,707
All right.
Bravo!
366
00:16:15,742 --> 00:16:17,675
If I said
any of that to Maggie,
367
00:16:17,711 --> 00:16:19,310
she'd think I was
hitting on her,
368
00:16:19,346 --> 00:16:21,145
and she's not
really my type.
Eh.
369
00:16:21,181 --> 00:16:22,814
I mean,
there was this one time
370
00:16:22,849 --> 00:16:24,749
that I kissed my friend
Lexi after prom, but --
371
00:16:24,784 --> 00:16:26,050
Boy, do I want
to hear this story,
372
00:16:26,086 --> 00:16:28,319
but let's just
focus on this.
373
00:16:28,355 --> 00:16:31,923
Um, what's the first thing
that you think of
374
00:16:31,958 --> 00:16:33,257
when you look at me?
375
00:16:33,293 --> 00:16:34,826
Your body.
Your body.
376
00:16:34,861 --> 00:16:37,662
[ Laughter ]
All right.
All right. Okay.
377
00:16:37,697 --> 00:16:40,198
Man: It is.
All right.
Well, uh, let's try that.
378
00:16:40,233 --> 00:16:42,533
Try your body?
Yes.
379
00:16:42,569 --> 00:16:44,736
Try to endow my body.
Oh.
380
00:16:44,771 --> 00:16:46,771
Endow it? But -- Well,
how specific do I have to be?
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
381
00:16:46,806 --> 00:16:49,674
I am waiting.
Okay. Okay. Geez.
382
00:16:49,709 --> 00:16:52,343
[ All "Oohing" ]
383
00:16:52,379 --> 00:16:54,245
[ Man trills tongue ]
384
00:16:54,280 --> 00:16:55,847
Okay. Okay. Okay.
385
00:16:55,882 --> 00:16:57,749
Use your hands.
386
00:16:57,784 --> 00:16:59,617
Uh...
387
00:16:59,652 --> 00:17:01,519
Put your whole body
into it.
388
00:17:01,554 --> 00:17:02,754
Woo me.
389
00:17:02,789 --> 00:17:04,088
[ Laughs ]
390
00:17:04,124 --> 00:17:05,456
Thy...
391
00:17:05,492 --> 00:17:07,225
Louder!
392
00:17:07,260 --> 00:17:12,363
Wouldst that I were the sun
glistening upon thy back?
393
00:17:12,399 --> 00:17:14,766
Ah.
Ooh!
394
00:17:14,801 --> 00:17:16,801
[ Chatter intensifies ]
395
00:17:16,836 --> 00:17:18,803
[ Laughter ]
396
00:17:18,838 --> 00:17:24,475
But not for too long
because...melanoma?
397
00:17:24,511 --> 00:17:26,144
[ Laughter ]
It's a strong start.
398
00:17:26,179 --> 00:17:28,579
Okay. All right.
Pbht!
399
00:17:28,615 --> 00:17:30,581
It's the first go.
Strong -- Strong start.
400
00:17:30,617 --> 00:17:32,083
In sooth?
No.
401
00:17:32,118 --> 00:17:33,751
Oh.
Man: Boo.
402
00:17:33,787 --> 00:17:35,653
It -- It fell off there
at the end.
403
00:17:35,688 --> 00:17:37,622
How about Tulum?
404
00:17:37,657 --> 00:17:40,224
There was just a mass murder
there, so it'll be dirt cheap.
405
00:17:40,260 --> 00:17:41,893
Are you scrolling
through resort porn
406
00:17:41,928 --> 00:17:43,261
to take your mind
off Colin,
407
00:17:43,296 --> 00:17:44,729
or are we actually
going on this trip?
408
00:17:44,764 --> 00:17:48,066
Because if we are,
it's Dusseldorf or bust.
409
00:17:48,101 --> 00:17:51,269
Colin has been blocked
and deleted.
410
00:17:53,840 --> 00:17:56,240
Are we elitist?
Oh, God, yes.
411
00:17:56,276 --> 00:17:58,076
It's one of the things
I love about us.
412
00:17:58,111 --> 00:18:01,612
No. I-I mean in...
an insufferable way.
413
00:18:01,648 --> 00:18:03,147
Blue cheese olive?
414
00:18:03,183 --> 00:18:05,650
One blue cheese
and one regular on the side.
415
00:18:05,685 --> 00:18:07,852
And being elitist
isn't a bad thing.
416
00:18:07,887 --> 00:18:09,187
Societies need
a pecking order.
417
00:18:09,222 --> 00:18:10,988
Otherwise, we'd peck
each other to death.
418
00:18:11,024 --> 00:18:12,957
[ Cheering in distance ]
419
00:18:12,992 --> 00:18:15,293
Ugh, fools.
420
00:18:15,328 --> 00:18:18,162
Man: Hey.
Someone help her.
Should we go out there?
421
00:18:18,198 --> 00:18:20,064
Why?
422
00:18:21,334 --> 00:18:23,167
Maybe we're missing out.
423
00:18:23,203 --> 00:18:25,036
Have you been using
the weighted blanket
424
00:18:25,071 --> 00:18:26,838
I bought you
with that podcast code?
425
00:18:26,873 --> 00:18:29,474
Could be fun.
Oh, we have fun.
426
00:18:29,509 --> 00:18:31,042
Remember when we drank
fuzzy navels
427
00:18:31,077 --> 00:18:33,111
and watched
"Call Me By Your Name"?
428
00:18:33,146 --> 00:18:35,446
Yeah.
Hmm.
429
00:18:35,482 --> 00:18:38,950
[ Sighs ]
Those idiot deejays today
430
00:18:38,985 --> 00:18:42,787
made me feel like I was back
in a high-school locker room.
431
00:18:42,822 --> 00:18:46,124
"Oh. There's Brian,
the Pillsbury Doughboy."
432
00:18:46,159 --> 00:18:48,192
I liked
the testicl-ees joke.
433
00:18:48,228 --> 00:18:50,461
[ Chuckles ]
434
00:18:50,497 --> 00:18:52,563
You know, I once
got locked overnight
435
00:18:52,599 --> 00:18:54,632
in my high school's
equipment shed
436
00:18:54,667 --> 00:18:56,634
after hiding there
during P.E.
437
00:18:56,669 --> 00:18:59,403
I detest sheds.
It was terrifying.
438
00:18:59,439 --> 00:19:01,672
But I did finish
"The Canterbury Tales."
439
00:19:01,708 --> 00:19:02,874
I had a penlight.
440
00:19:02,909 --> 00:19:05,510
Oh, "Canterbury Tales,"
441
00:19:05,545 --> 00:19:07,912
the original
"Fifty Shades."
442
00:19:07,947 --> 00:19:09,313
[ Scoffs ] And I have another
promo tomorrow.
443
00:19:09,349 --> 00:19:10,915
It's all
I can think about.
444
00:19:10,950 --> 00:19:14,418
The original "Fifty Shades."
That's funny. [ Chuckles ]
445
00:19:14,454 --> 00:19:18,222
Ugh. Why didn't you tell me
I had lipstick on my teeth?
446
00:19:20,393 --> 00:19:22,827
I'm going out there.
447
00:19:24,063 --> 00:19:25,930
Is that a poppy seed?
448
00:19:25,965 --> 00:19:31,402
Thy sensational smile doth shine
upon thy heaving bosoms...
Oh!
449
00:19:31,437 --> 00:19:33,604
Oh, my.
...just as said bosoms
450
00:19:33,640 --> 00:19:37,575
do sit like clouds
for angels' bottoms.
451
00:19:37,610 --> 00:19:41,078
Oh, Pizzle.
Oh, I'm gonna write that down.
452
00:19:41,114 --> 00:19:43,247
Did you mean both bosoms
or just the left one?
453
00:19:43,283 --> 00:19:44,849
I mean, 'cause
it's the crowd favorite.
454
00:19:44,884 --> 00:19:46,184
Lefty Louie.
455
00:19:46,219 --> 00:19:48,286
[ Chuckles ]
456
00:19:48,321 --> 00:19:51,389
Well done, Master Pizzle.
[ Chuckles ]
457
00:19:56,396 --> 00:19:59,197
Oh, light teal --
too risky.
458
00:19:59,232 --> 00:20:04,802
So, what's going on here
with you...guys?
459
00:20:04,837 --> 00:20:07,772
David's teaching me how to be
performatively nice to people.
460
00:20:07,807 --> 00:20:09,473
Yeah.
Hey, uh, do me next.
461
00:20:09,509 --> 00:20:13,978
Oh! Thy most bountiful
and glorious belly.
Ah!
462
00:20:14,013 --> 00:20:17,114
[ Laughter ]
How many weeks before
we may expect little Shart?
463
00:20:17,150 --> 00:20:19,750
Yeah, third trimester, y'all.
Oh, my God!
464
00:20:19,786 --> 00:20:21,252
Congratulations.
465
00:20:21,287 --> 00:20:23,387
I can feel him kicking.
[ Laughter ]
466
00:20:23,423 --> 00:20:26,157
Now, what you got
for Maggie?
467
00:20:26,192 --> 00:20:29,060
N-Nothing that reminds
you of your high-school
girly-girly action.
468
00:20:29,095 --> 00:20:30,428
Delilah: Ooh.
[ Laughs ]
469
00:20:30,463 --> 00:20:31,996
Whoa. Whoa. Whoa.
What is it? What is it?
470
00:20:32,031 --> 00:20:34,565
No, no, no. I can't say.
It's too embarrassing.
471
00:20:34,601 --> 00:20:38,135
What, like Shart's gut?
Hey! That's my baby
you're talking about!
472
00:20:38,171 --> 00:20:41,272
Just take the embarrassing...
and make it good.
473
00:20:41,307 --> 00:20:42,974
This can't be made good.
Come on.
474
00:20:43,009 --> 00:20:44,675
I'm sure it can.
Come on. Come on.
475
00:20:44,711 --> 00:20:47,345
Come on.
Say it. Say it.
476
00:20:47,380 --> 00:20:50,748
All: [ Chanting ] Say it.
Say it. Say it. Say it.
477
00:20:50,783 --> 00:20:53,851
I saw her bush!
[ Laughter ]
478
00:20:53,886 --> 00:20:57,188
I'm so proud of you!
479
00:20:57,223 --> 00:20:59,690
David: That's not
what I expected.
480
00:20:59,726 --> 00:21:03,761
And...it...was...huge!
481
00:21:03,796 --> 00:21:05,763
[ Laughter ]
482
00:21:05,798 --> 00:21:10,001
Dude.
I like a jungle.
I'm Tarzan.
483
00:21:10,036 --> 00:21:11,469
[ Laughter ]
484
00:21:11,504 --> 00:21:14,805
Hear me now, good gentles.
485
00:21:14,841 --> 00:21:18,209
'Twas a lush
and glorious bush.
486
00:21:18,244 --> 00:21:22,280
'Twas the most radiant
shrubbery...
[ All clearing throats ]
487
00:21:22,315 --> 00:21:24,582
...I have ever laid eyes upon!
488
00:21:25,551 --> 00:21:27,885
Oh, don't leg.
489
00:21:27,920 --> 00:21:30,588
Just need a bit of ice.
490
00:21:32,425 --> 00:21:35,259
[ Ice rattling ]
491
00:21:39,232 --> 00:21:42,500
[ Stifled laughter ]
492
00:21:45,571 --> 00:21:47,004
[ Lid closes ]
493
00:21:47,040 --> 00:21:49,073
Ahh. I'll be up for a little
while longer.
494
00:21:49,108 --> 00:21:51,242
We could make
fuzzy navels.
495
00:21:51,277 --> 00:21:52,710
Fuzzy.
496
00:21:52,745 --> 00:21:55,579
[ Laughter ]
497
00:21:55,615 --> 00:21:58,716
Enjoy your evening.
498
00:21:58,751 --> 00:22:01,085
God save the queen.
499
00:22:01,120 --> 00:22:05,222
All:
God save the queen!
500
00:22:05,258 --> 00:22:07,058
God shave the queen.
501
00:22:07,093 --> 00:22:11,362
[ Laughter ]
502
00:22:11,397 --> 00:22:13,998
Delilah: Oh, no.
503
00:22:14,033 --> 00:22:22,573
��
504
00:22:28,114 --> 00:22:30,114
Delilah, Amanda together
Um...
It means that you
really took some timeh.
505
00:22:30,149 --> 00:22:31,816
to make this extra great.
I think Maggie is
506
00:22:31,851 --> 00:22:34,952
more of a traditionalist.
Oh. Whatever you think.
507
00:22:34,987 --> 00:22:37,421
I've never "Real Housewived"
the shit out of anyone before.
508
00:22:37,457 --> 00:22:39,123
Well, I've never used
fruit cocktail juice
509
00:22:39,158 --> 00:22:41,559
to make mimosas before,
so there you go.
510
00:22:41,594 --> 00:22:43,661
Can't believe you're
a "Housewives" fan.
511
00:22:43,696 --> 00:22:45,963
It's like when the one
with the pointy nose
512
00:22:45,998 --> 00:22:48,065
offended
the super-skinny one
513
00:22:48,101 --> 00:22:50,134
at the charity auction
for blind cats,
514
00:22:50,169 --> 00:22:52,403
but then she took her
out to brunch,
515
00:22:52,438 --> 00:22:54,138
and everything
was great.
516
00:22:54,173 --> 00:22:56,807
I think I'm getting
the hang of this place.
517
00:22:56,843 --> 00:22:58,676
I traded compliments
for the muffins
518
00:22:58,711 --> 00:23:00,444
and a hand massage
for the eggs.
519
00:23:00,480 --> 00:23:03,647
Oh, grasshopper.
You're learning so well.
520
00:23:03,683 --> 00:23:06,150
She's coming.
It's happening. Okay, all right.
Go, go, go. Go, go, go.
521
00:23:10,390 --> 00:23:12,423
Mimosa?
522
00:23:12,458 --> 00:23:15,092
[ Sighs ]
523
00:23:15,128 --> 00:23:17,294
Thanks so much
for meeting me.
I didn't meet you.
524
00:23:17,330 --> 00:23:18,963
You're standing
in front of my tent.
525
00:23:18,998 --> 00:23:20,431
I love your culottes.
526
00:23:20,466 --> 00:23:22,500
They're not culottes.
527
00:23:22,535 --> 00:23:24,435
They're jorts.
Why are you here?
528
00:23:24,470 --> 00:23:26,704
Actually, jorts are made
from denim
529
00:23:26,739 --> 00:23:29,440
and usually from old jeans.
Why are you here?
530
00:23:29,475 --> 00:23:31,942
I was hoping
maybe we could...
531
00:23:33,546 --> 00:23:36,013
...melt the ice a little
over brunch.
532
00:23:36,048 --> 00:23:37,681
Cheers.
533
00:23:39,852 --> 00:23:42,953
Oh, wait. We didn't make
eye contact. It's bad luck.
534
00:23:42,989 --> 00:23:44,288
Let's --
Let's do it again.
535
00:23:44,323 --> 00:23:46,791
Cheers. Okay.
536
00:23:46,826 --> 00:23:50,361
Can we get to the ice-melting?
I have plucking to do.
537
00:23:50,396 --> 00:23:54,899
Delilah tells me you're
one of this Faire's OGs.
538
00:23:54,934 --> 00:23:56,834
OGs?
539
00:23:56,869 --> 00:24:00,070
Original gangster.
That's the actual meaning.
540
00:24:00,106 --> 00:24:02,173
I was going for the figurative
meaning, you know,
541
00:24:02,208 --> 00:24:05,009
founding father, or mother,
in this case.
542
00:24:05,044 --> 00:24:07,578
You are the shot-caller --
543
00:24:07,613 --> 00:24:12,149
who lives, who dies,
who gets exiled.
544
00:24:12,185 --> 00:24:16,720
Oh, we are not in the habit
of exiling...anyone.
545
00:24:16,756 --> 00:24:19,356
I love how you use
the royal "we."
546
00:24:19,392 --> 00:24:22,493
It's --
It's so authentic,
547
00:24:22,528 --> 00:24:25,563
like so much of this place,
really hands-on.
548
00:24:25,598 --> 00:24:27,665
Granted, sometimes,
those hands are on my ass,
549
00:24:27,700 --> 00:24:30,267
but that's part
of the authenticity, right?
550
00:24:30,303 --> 00:24:36,240
I wanted to ask,
how do you decide what's okay?
551
00:24:36,275 --> 00:24:40,377
And as the queen, are you
actually the decision-maker,
552
00:24:40,413 --> 00:24:42,746
like the Great
and Powerful Oz?
553
00:24:42,782 --> 00:24:44,915
I think if we
put our heads together,
554
00:24:44,951 --> 00:24:46,684
we could really codify
what's appropriate
555
00:24:46,719 --> 00:24:48,719
and what's not,
you know?
556
00:24:48,754 --> 00:24:50,187
Right, right.
557
00:24:50,223 --> 00:24:52,857
Let me guess.
558
00:24:52,892 --> 00:24:57,094
Mama Klein was supercritical
of little Amanda.
559
00:24:57,129 --> 00:25:02,199
Uh, she's actually
a-a-a Lyons n-now.
560
00:25:02,235 --> 00:25:04,635
Klein was my father,
but then he --
And judging by your love
of the bottle,
561
00:25:04,670 --> 00:25:06,737
she's probably
also an alcoholic.
562
00:25:06,772 --> 00:25:09,573
[ Scoffs ]
Nothing is ever right,
is it?
563
00:25:09,609 --> 00:25:12,076
Is she still trying to envision
your ears pinned back?
564
00:25:12,111 --> 00:25:15,112
Did she lament the backhand
you never mastered?
565
00:25:15,147 --> 00:25:18,549
My backhand happens to be
very powerful and elegant.
566
00:25:18,584 --> 00:25:22,286
And for your information,
my mother --
No. I don't really care,
sweetie.
567
00:25:22,321 --> 00:25:23,988
Thank you
for cleaning this up.
568
00:25:24,023 --> 00:25:25,990
��
569
00:25:26,025 --> 00:25:27,925
You think you're so insightful,
don't you?
570
00:25:27,960 --> 00:25:30,761
Well, I'll have you know,
my mother is not an alcoholic.
571
00:25:30,796 --> 00:25:34,298
She's a pillhead and only
because they overprescribed her
572
00:25:34,333 --> 00:25:37,501
after she got
her eyelids done, so...
573
00:25:37,537 --> 00:25:41,238
��
574
00:25:41,274 --> 00:25:44,174
Damn it. [ Sighs ]
575
00:25:44,210 --> 00:25:47,278
Don't you want to change
into your Pizzle clothes
576
00:25:47,313 --> 00:25:48,812
before we get there?
Nah, man.
577
00:25:48,848 --> 00:25:50,447
I'll just strip down
in the car.
578
00:25:50,483 --> 00:25:52,616
Don't want to
get it wrinkled.
579
00:25:52,652 --> 00:25:55,019
Thank you, again,
for coming with me today.
580
00:25:55,054 --> 00:25:58,422
I always work better
with someone to bounce off of.
581
00:25:58,457 --> 00:25:59,990
No prob.
I got you.
582
00:26:00,026 --> 00:26:02,526
I've written out some improv
for us
583
00:26:02,562 --> 00:26:05,829
if you want to study that.
584
00:26:05,865 --> 00:26:09,300
Um, I thought that...
585
00:26:09,335 --> 00:26:12,636
we'd just stay loose out there,
you know?
586
00:26:12,672 --> 00:26:16,040
Keep Shakespeare from...
What?
587
00:26:16,075 --> 00:26:19,710
...you know...
boring people.
588
00:26:19,745 --> 00:26:21,679
Excuse me?
589
00:26:21,714 --> 00:26:24,648
I mean, dude, on the radio,
the lady...
590
00:26:24,684 --> 00:26:27,051
said you made her dry.
591
00:26:27,086 --> 00:26:28,886
[ Scoffs ]
592
00:26:28,921 --> 00:26:31,055
Like I care about
dusty vaginas.
593
00:26:31,090 --> 00:26:33,624
Hey, man.
Shakespeare was for the masses.
594
00:26:33,659 --> 00:26:36,727
Why always go highbrow
when he was also the master
of a dirty joke, right?
595
00:26:36,762 --> 00:26:39,063
Well, we know that,
but most people don't.
596
00:26:39,098 --> 00:26:41,565
Come on.
Shakespeare was a dirty bastard.
597
00:26:41,601 --> 00:26:44,368
Just, like, try going low.
598
00:26:44,403 --> 00:26:47,004
Here. Start with this.
599
00:26:47,039 --> 00:26:49,173
There's got to be E. coli
in the salads at Greasy Buns.
600
00:26:49,208 --> 00:26:51,141
[ Chewing ]
601
00:26:51,177 --> 00:26:52,743
[ Scoffs ]
602
00:26:52,778 --> 00:26:54,345
[ Sighs deeply ]
603
00:26:57,116 --> 00:26:59,717
Hmm. Well-seasoned.
604
00:26:59,752 --> 00:27:01,352
Attaboy.
605
00:27:01,387 --> 00:27:04,755
Hey, Robin Hood,
what's that dick pouch for?
606
00:27:04,790 --> 00:27:07,057
��
607
00:27:07,093 --> 00:27:08,759
It's a codpiece.
608
00:27:08,794 --> 00:27:11,562
��
609
00:27:11,597 --> 00:27:14,598
Or a pouch.
610
00:27:14,634 --> 00:27:16,834
[ Sighs ]
611
00:27:16,869 --> 00:27:18,836
For dicks.
612
00:27:18,871 --> 00:27:19,870
[ Chuckles ]
613
00:27:19,905 --> 00:27:21,171
Funny.
614
00:27:22,642 --> 00:27:24,675
Happy now?
I am. Thank you.
615
00:27:29,482 --> 00:27:31,281
Can I open my eyes yet?
616
00:27:31,317 --> 00:27:33,951
Yes, you can.
Groceries.
617
00:27:33,986 --> 00:27:35,586
It's like when the one
with the lips
618
00:27:35,621 --> 00:27:37,821
took the other one with the lips
shopping to cheer her up.
619
00:27:37,857 --> 00:27:40,157
Now you're speaking
my love language.
620
00:27:40,192 --> 00:27:43,260
Come. They have almond oil.
It makes the best lube.
621
00:27:43,295 --> 00:27:45,095
Hey, there's David.
Oh!
622
00:27:45,131 --> 00:27:47,297
Watch me eat mud for money.
623
00:27:47,333 --> 00:27:49,600
Ah! Hey-ho, friends.
624
00:27:49,635 --> 00:27:51,301
Good day, gentles.
625
00:27:51,337 --> 00:27:53,203
Allo, sweet lasses.
626
00:27:53,239 --> 00:27:54,838
Hear ye, come forth.
627
00:27:54,874 --> 00:27:56,840
You there,
628
00:27:56,876 --> 00:27:59,143
come forth
to the Royal Renaissance Faire
629
00:27:59,178 --> 00:28:01,712
for Shakespeare and history!
630
00:28:01,747 --> 00:28:04,715
A little aggro, yes?
Yeah.
We're working on the fun.
631
00:28:04,750 --> 00:28:06,316
Hmm. Good luck with that.
Mm-hmm.
632
00:28:06,352 --> 00:28:09,153
I'm really feeling
my motivation.
633
00:28:09,188 --> 00:28:11,321
Yes.
Everyone's feeling it.
You, sir!
634
00:28:11,357 --> 00:28:13,157
You look like
you need a sonnet.
635
00:28:13,192 --> 00:28:15,059
It's all local
and homemade.
636
00:28:15,094 --> 00:28:16,794
Hey.
Hey, Delilah.
637
00:28:16,829 --> 00:28:19,463
Hey, friend.
Got those, uh,
AA batteries
638
00:28:19,498 --> 00:28:20,964
you're always
runnin' low on.
639
00:28:21,000 --> 00:28:22,232
Yay!
Excuse me.
640
00:28:22,268 --> 00:28:23,967
Do you have
any K�rastase products?
641
00:28:24,003 --> 00:28:25,936
Davines, even John Paul Mitchell
will do.
642
00:28:27,106 --> 00:28:30,641
For hair.
Oh. Yeah. Hair stuff's
all right over there.
643
00:28:30,676 --> 00:28:33,477
Thank you so much.
Thank you so much.
644
00:28:33,512 --> 00:28:35,412
Have you ever had
peanut brittle?
No.
It sounds disgusting.
645
00:28:35,448 --> 00:28:37,514
Oh, it'll break your teeth,
but it'll change your life.
646
00:28:37,550 --> 00:28:40,084
Ooh, coconut oil?
647
00:28:40,119 --> 00:28:43,253
Lavender? Tea tree oil?
Mm-hmm.
648
00:28:43,289 --> 00:28:45,422
[ Sniffs ] Mmm!
649
00:28:45,458 --> 00:28:47,825
Smells like
Sally Hershberger.
Oh!
650
00:28:47,860 --> 00:28:49,927
Mmm!
You know your
friend's hair smell?
651
00:28:49,962 --> 00:28:51,595
What's mine?
[ Sniffs ]
652
00:28:51,630 --> 00:28:53,864
Sunshine and unicorns.
653
00:28:53,899 --> 00:28:56,033
$4.99?
654
00:28:56,068 --> 00:28:58,902
I pay like $40 an ounce
for this kind of stuff.
655
00:28:58,938 --> 00:29:02,106
Aloe, shea butter.
656
00:29:02,141 --> 00:29:04,174
All organic?
657
00:29:06,045 --> 00:29:08,579
Can I, uh,
help you with anything?
658
00:29:09,982 --> 00:29:11,615
No.
659
00:29:11,650 --> 00:29:13,851
But I can most definitely
help you.
660
00:29:13,886 --> 00:29:17,020
��
661
00:29:17,056 --> 00:29:19,556
The Royal Renaissance Festival.
662
00:29:19,592 --> 00:29:23,393
Come for the merriment,
stay for the fun.
663
00:29:23,429 --> 00:29:27,297
Hey. Hey, you giving
anything away for free?
664
00:29:27,333 --> 00:29:31,301
Uh, mayhap a soliloquy
or a sonnet.
665
00:29:31,337 --> 00:29:35,038
Do you have any stickers?
My stepkids love when
I bring stickers home.
666
00:29:35,074 --> 00:29:37,808
Sir William, hast thou
anything in particular
667
00:29:37,843 --> 00:29:41,078
to say about these
beautiful women, huh?
668
00:29:41,113 --> 00:29:42,780
Yeah?
669
00:29:42,815 --> 00:29:45,449
Uh, yes.
670
00:29:45,484 --> 00:29:47,584
Yeah, yeah, I see.
[ Chuckles ]
671
00:29:47,620 --> 00:29:50,120
Uh, uh, dearest ladies
[clears throat]
672
00:29:50,156 --> 00:29:53,957
some are born great,
some achieve greatness,
673
00:29:53,993 --> 00:29:57,561
and other have greatness
thrust upon them.
674
00:29:57,596 --> 00:29:59,263
Thrust.
[ Laughs ]
675
00:29:59,298 --> 00:30:01,565
Loosen up.
Yeah.
676
00:30:01,600 --> 00:30:04,802
Heh. Ha. Of course.
677
00:30:04,837 --> 00:30:09,439
Of course, let's not forget
that I, William Shakespeare,
678
00:30:09,475 --> 00:30:13,143
am also the master
of the dirty joke.
679
00:30:13,179 --> 00:30:14,478
Ohh!
680
00:30:14,513 --> 00:30:15,913
Risqu�.
681
00:30:15,948 --> 00:30:17,347
I don't think
they're ready.
682
00:30:17,383 --> 00:30:19,183
No.
Here it comes, though.
683
00:30:19,218 --> 00:30:20,851
Oh?
684
00:30:20,886 --> 00:30:25,155
Oh, that she were an open arse,
and thou a poperin pear.
685
00:30:25,191 --> 00:30:26,490
[ Laughs ]
686
00:30:26,525 --> 00:30:29,693
Hey!
Her ass is closed, man.
687
00:30:29,728 --> 00:30:32,996
Ladies, ladies,
forgive my stupid friend.
688
00:30:33,032 --> 00:30:35,933
Forgive us all,
for I, Pizzle Humpsalot,
689
00:30:35,968 --> 00:30:40,370
a grotesque and lowly
mud beggar, do cry your mercy,
690
00:30:40,406 --> 00:30:41,839
for I have forgot
to tell thee
691
00:30:41,874 --> 00:30:44,541
how much fun
the Royal Renaissance Festival,
692
00:30:44,577 --> 00:30:47,477
Saturdays and Sundays,
10:00 to 7:00, can be!
693
00:30:47,513 --> 00:30:49,947
Come one, come all,
preferably all.
694
00:30:49,982 --> 00:30:53,317
Gather ye round, for the
Royal Renaissance Mud Shows
695
00:30:53,352 --> 00:30:55,519
work according to
the laws of physics.
696
00:30:55,554 --> 00:30:57,321
What goes up...
697
00:30:57,356 --> 00:30:59,156
[ All gasp ]
698
00:30:59,191 --> 00:31:00,490
...must come down.
699
00:31:00,526 --> 00:31:03,794
Ooh! [ Laughs ]
Karma, man.
700
00:31:03,829 --> 00:31:04,962
[ Laughter ]
701
00:31:04,997 --> 00:31:06,530
Oh, you got a little bit
right there.
702
00:31:06,565 --> 00:31:08,665
Oh, and there.
703
00:31:08,701 --> 00:31:10,400
Dead serious.
704
00:31:10,436 --> 00:31:12,502
Have you ever tried getting
your products into Barneys?
705
00:31:12,538 --> 00:31:15,205
Barney's Friday Fish Fry.
Yeah, I go every week.
706
00:31:15,241 --> 00:31:17,875
This stuff is dying
on the vine back here.
707
00:31:17,910 --> 00:31:19,877
It really needs to be
in a clear, visible path
708
00:31:19,912 --> 00:31:21,511
facing toward the door.
709
00:31:21,547 --> 00:31:23,146
Oh, my God, beeswax.
No, no.
710
00:31:23,182 --> 00:31:24,681
This stuff is multiuse.
711
00:31:24,717 --> 00:31:26,750
Actually, multiuse
should have its own section.
712
00:31:26,785 --> 00:31:28,318
Miss, please don't.
And these --
713
00:31:28,354 --> 00:31:29,753
you're mixing messages.
714
00:31:29,788 --> 00:31:31,555
Why have you got bananas
next to cosmetics?
715
00:31:31,590 --> 00:31:33,924
Lady, if I needed someone
to tell me
716
00:31:33,959 --> 00:31:36,493
how I'm doing everything wrong,
I'd call my wife.
717
00:31:36,528 --> 00:31:38,695
Okay. Okay. All right. Okay.
That's a little dramatic.
718
00:31:38,731 --> 00:31:41,932
Hi, yeah, I love you so much,
but I'm reading the room here,
719
00:31:41,967 --> 00:31:44,902
and I'm getting the feeling
that not everybody loves you
720
00:31:44,937 --> 00:31:48,171
as much as I do,
right at this moment.
Oh, no. No.
721
00:31:48,207 --> 00:31:50,073
Someone has got to tell him
722
00:31:50,109 --> 00:31:52,409
what an eyesore that
Shelly's Jam display is.
723
00:31:52,444 --> 00:31:54,044
Okay, so I can hear you.
724
00:31:54,079 --> 00:31:57,080
And, "A,"
Shelly's my sister.
725
00:31:57,116 --> 00:31:59,182
Oh.
So that's actually
very hurtful.
726
00:31:59,218 --> 00:32:01,685
"B," she powerlifts,
so if you want to tell her
727
00:32:01,720 --> 00:32:04,421
how you feel about her display,
be my guest.
728
00:32:04,456 --> 00:32:07,291
"C," I am going to,
for the first time ever,
729
00:32:07,326 --> 00:32:09,860
use my right to refuse service
to anyone,
730
00:32:09,895 --> 00:32:14,131
which is you, in this case,
so congrats and goodbye.
731
00:32:14,166 --> 00:32:16,199
Bye-bye.
732
00:32:16,235 --> 00:32:18,735
Who might want
a muddy kiss?
733
00:32:18,771 --> 00:32:22,039
Oh!
[ Laughs ]
734
00:32:22,074 --> 00:32:23,273
Oh!
Mwah!
735
00:32:23,309 --> 00:32:25,108
If you prick us,
do we not bleed?
736
00:32:25,144 --> 00:32:27,577
And if you wrong us,
should we not have...
737
00:32:27,613 --> 00:32:29,579
Mud pie in thy face?
738
00:32:29,615 --> 00:32:30,814
Ooh!
Oh!
739
00:32:30,849 --> 00:32:33,383
Falling!
Oh, oh, oh, oh!
740
00:32:33,419 --> 00:32:34,952
Oh!
[ Laughter ]
741
00:32:34,987 --> 00:32:37,754
Oh, oh, oh, oh.
742
00:32:37,790 --> 00:32:40,424
Mayhap this be
what ye want.
743
00:32:41,860 --> 00:32:46,396
[ Farting ]
744
00:32:46,432 --> 00:32:49,132
Ah! [ Cries ]
745
00:32:49,168 --> 00:32:50,968
[ Crowd groans ]
746
00:32:51,003 --> 00:32:54,738
[ Sighs ]
Are you not entertained?!
747
00:32:58,978 --> 00:33:01,778
Don't worry. You're the only one
who's never invited back.
748
00:33:01,814 --> 00:33:03,680
I'm good.
[ Laughs ]
749
00:33:03,716 --> 00:33:05,282
Oh!
750
00:33:05,317 --> 00:33:07,484
I was just doing
what Marie Kondo always does --
751
00:33:07,519 --> 00:33:09,853
clearing clutter
and sparking joy.
752
00:33:09,888 --> 00:33:12,389
Sparking joy is good,
753
00:33:12,424 --> 00:33:17,027
but trying to fix things
that aren't broken is...
754
00:33:17,062 --> 00:33:19,496
Stupid.
Stupid?
755
00:33:19,531 --> 00:33:21,898
No, honeybee.
756
00:33:21,934 --> 00:33:26,703
But...a distraction maybe
757
00:33:26,739 --> 00:33:31,541
from what really might
need fixing, perhaps.
758
00:33:31,577 --> 00:33:33,477
I could trim those for you
if you want me to.
759
00:33:36,115 --> 00:33:39,149
Oh. Wow.
760
00:33:41,286 --> 00:33:43,920
Maggie was right.
761
00:33:43,956 --> 00:33:46,056
I pick myself
and everyone else apart.
762
00:33:46,091 --> 00:33:48,191
I find what's wrong
in almost every situation.
763
00:33:48,227 --> 00:33:50,794
I thrive on negativity.
I...
764
00:33:53,399 --> 00:33:55,832
I am my mother.
765
00:33:57,469 --> 00:33:59,236
[ Scoffs ]
766
00:34:01,440 --> 00:34:04,674
I have never witnessed
such rapid psychological growth.
767
00:34:05,878 --> 00:34:09,746
It's beautiful...
768
00:34:09,782 --> 00:34:11,915
like a sea monkey.
769
00:34:11,950 --> 00:34:13,784
[ Chuckles ]
770
00:34:13,819 --> 00:34:16,286
I'm sorry. I'm emotionally
leaking all over you.
771
00:34:16,321 --> 00:34:18,922
That's okay.
Leak away.
772
00:34:18,957 --> 00:34:21,725
I'll happily collect
all your emotional fluids.
773
00:34:21,760 --> 00:34:23,293
Ew.
774
00:34:23,328 --> 00:34:32,202
��
775
00:34:32,237 --> 00:34:35,272
Ah.
776
00:34:38,277 --> 00:34:39,943
David?
777
00:34:39,978 --> 00:34:41,645
Oh, uh, hey, man.
778
00:34:41,680 --> 00:34:44,548
I want to apologize.
No. Y-You don't have to.
779
00:34:44,583 --> 00:34:46,917
Obviously,
I had no intention.
780
00:34:46,952 --> 00:34:50,320
I hope you don't think
that I meant to...
781
00:34:50,355 --> 00:34:52,089
I'm so embarrassed.
782
00:34:52,124 --> 00:34:53,490
I-It's all good, man.
783
00:34:53,525 --> 00:34:55,959
It's really not.
784
00:34:55,994 --> 00:34:58,662
Look, it's just about
finding a balance.
785
00:34:58,697 --> 00:35:04,501
Like, fart jokes good,
actual ass explosions, bad.
786
00:35:04,536 --> 00:35:06,103
Noted.
Yeah.
787
00:35:06,138 --> 00:35:09,439
I also appreciate
your discretion about this.
788
00:35:09,475 --> 00:35:11,241
No one needs to know.
789
00:35:11,276 --> 00:35:14,077
Dude! I heard you shit your
pants at the Country Market.
790
00:35:14,113 --> 00:35:15,178
[ Laughs ]
Oh, God.
791
00:35:15,214 --> 00:35:16,680
Epic, man.
792
00:35:16,715 --> 00:35:18,315
I mean, I never
physically hurt anyone,
793
00:35:18,350 --> 00:35:20,684
but my record is clearing
like 500, 600 feet...
794
00:35:20,719 --> 00:35:22,419
Yeah.
...on my stench-power alone,
795
00:35:22,454 --> 00:35:25,155
so congrats, man.
796
00:35:25,190 --> 00:35:28,024
I beg you
to forget about this.
797
00:35:28,060 --> 00:35:29,693
No shame, friend.
798
00:35:29,728 --> 00:35:32,162
The body releases
when it must release.
799
00:35:32,197 --> 00:35:35,365
Better an empty apartment
than a bad tenant.
800
00:35:35,400 --> 00:35:38,034
Mm. Mm-hmm.
801
00:35:38,070 --> 00:35:39,870
Hands in.
Yeah, dude. Come on.
802
00:35:39,905 --> 00:35:42,205
Hey!
Come on, join us.
803
00:35:42,241 --> 00:35:45,308
Yeah. "Fart brothers for life"
on three.
804
00:35:45,344 --> 00:35:47,110
One, two, three.
805
00:35:47,146 --> 00:35:49,880
Together:
Fart brothers for life!
806
00:35:49,915 --> 00:35:51,014
I'm not there yet.
807
00:35:51,049 --> 00:35:53,850
��
808
00:35:53,886 --> 00:35:56,520
I found your bra.
Oh, great.
809
00:35:58,023 --> 00:36:00,056
Wouldn't it make more sense
to start the parade
810
00:36:00,092 --> 00:36:01,458
inside the fairegrounds?
811
00:36:01,493 --> 00:36:02,993
That way, people have
more time to get a beer.
812
00:36:03,028 --> 00:36:04,961
You're doing it again.
I'm doing it again.
813
00:36:04,997 --> 00:36:06,863
See, nothing needs
to be fixed.
814
00:36:06,899 --> 00:36:08,131
Really?
815
00:36:08,167 --> 00:36:09,966
Hi. Hello.
816
00:36:10,002 --> 00:36:12,469
Who left the damn hose on?
I'll shut it off.
817
00:36:12,504 --> 00:36:14,171
Geez.
818
00:36:14,206 --> 00:36:18,375
[ Fanfare plays ]
819
00:36:18,410 --> 00:36:21,378
[ Cheers and applause ]
820
00:36:21,413 --> 00:36:27,217
��
821
00:36:27,252 --> 00:36:30,053
Uh, uh...
822
00:36:30,088 --> 00:36:32,822
��
823
00:36:32,858 --> 00:36:35,058
Your Majesty!
824
00:36:35,093 --> 00:36:37,194
Your Majesty!
825
00:36:37,229 --> 00:36:39,162
Your Majesty!
826
00:36:39,198 --> 00:36:41,865
Your Majesty! Your Majesty!
827
00:36:41,900 --> 00:36:44,034
Uh...
828
00:36:44,069 --> 00:36:46,036
Your Majesty!
Your Majesty!
829
00:36:46,071 --> 00:36:47,904
Aah!
[ Crowd gasps ]
830
00:36:47,940 --> 00:36:51,575
Cry your mercy, Your Majesty!
Pass not this way.
831
00:36:51,610 --> 00:36:54,177
T'would be mine honor to be sure
832
00:36:54,213 --> 00:36:57,080
thou dost not muddy
thy most regal self.
833
00:36:58,550 --> 00:37:00,383
God save the queen!
834
00:37:00,419 --> 00:37:02,852
All: God save the queen!
835
00:37:04,223 --> 00:37:05,689
��
836
00:37:05,724 --> 00:37:07,457
Better.
837
00:37:07,492 --> 00:37:14,231
��
838
00:37:14,266 --> 00:37:16,032
[ Laughs ]
839
00:37:17,401 --> 00:37:21,538
Oh, my. Show me your jugs,
and I'll show you mine.
840
00:37:21,573 --> 00:37:24,774
On these fairegrounds,
it'd be not a crime.
841
00:37:24,810 --> 00:37:28,044
[ Laughter ]
Oh, my, milady.
842
00:37:28,080 --> 00:37:30,547
Care to make a trade?
843
00:37:32,317 --> 00:37:34,551
What are you
supposed to be?
844
00:37:34,586 --> 00:37:36,753
A princess?
845
00:37:36,788 --> 00:37:40,223
Nay, good sirs.
I be William Shakespeare.
846
00:37:40,259 --> 00:37:43,059
Dost thou know of any of mine
great writings?
847
00:37:43,095 --> 00:37:45,395
I want to fight.
En garde!
848
00:37:45,430 --> 00:37:47,464
I'm gonna stab you
in the butt.
849
00:37:47,499 --> 00:37:50,233
Pardon me, gentlemen.
850
00:37:50,269 --> 00:37:53,603
Words are but wind, ay,
851
00:37:53,639 --> 00:37:57,107
and break it in your face
so he break it not behind.
852
00:37:57,142 --> 00:37:59,075
Pbht!
853
00:37:59,111 --> 00:38:01,111
[ Both laugh ]
854
00:38:01,146 --> 00:38:08,918
��
855
00:38:08,954 --> 00:38:10,720
[ Chuckles ]
856
00:38:15,827 --> 00:38:24,134
��
857
00:38:24,169 --> 00:38:34,110
��
858
00:38:34,146 --> 00:38:35,979
Aah!
859
00:38:36,014 --> 00:38:37,747
[ Lisping ] Oh, I'm sorry.
Were you asleep?
860
00:38:37,783 --> 00:38:40,116
Yes, very asleep.
861
00:38:40,152 --> 00:38:43,853
Amanda, Amanda,
Amanda, Amanda.
862
00:38:43,889 --> 00:38:47,290
Sounds funny when you say it
over and over again, doesn't it?
863
00:38:47,326 --> 00:38:51,661
My name, too.
Helen, Helen, Helen.
864
00:38:51,697 --> 00:38:55,198
Oh, my God.
The real live hooker.
865
00:38:55,233 --> 00:38:56,833
Not a hooker.
866
00:38:56,868 --> 00:38:58,868
I know you think
I'm here to stab you to death,
867
00:38:58,904 --> 00:39:02,706
but the truth is, Amanda,
we're square.
868
00:39:02,741 --> 00:39:05,041
We are?
869
00:39:05,077 --> 00:39:06,643
I may have lost
the tip of my tongue,
870
00:39:06,678 --> 00:39:09,779
but you lost your fianc�,
your wedding,
871
00:39:09,815 --> 00:39:11,514
your whole life
if what I hear is true,
872
00:39:11,550 --> 00:39:13,316
about you becoming
a pub wench.
873
00:39:13,352 --> 00:39:15,785
Uh, how do you
know all of this?
874
00:39:15,821 --> 00:39:19,089
Mama Klein and I came to
a very lucrative agreement.
875
00:39:20,258 --> 00:39:21,891
[ Sighs ]
876
00:39:21,927 --> 00:39:24,561
Oh. Uh-huh.
877
00:39:24,596 --> 00:39:26,696
I get it.
878
00:39:26,732 --> 00:39:28,498
My mom paid you off.
Uh-huh.
879
00:39:28,533 --> 00:39:30,233
So, what, you came here
to scare me
880
00:39:30,268 --> 00:39:32,302
before you move to South America
or something?
881
00:39:32,337 --> 00:39:34,571
South America?
Ever heard of Zika? Nay.
882
00:39:34,606 --> 00:39:36,139
I'm here to reclaim
my position
883
00:39:36,174 --> 00:39:38,641
as Lord Executioner
on Her Majesty's court.
884
00:39:38,677 --> 00:39:42,679
Now I can travel the circuit
in a tour bus with a hot tub.
885
00:39:42,714 --> 00:39:46,516
And one more thing.
Brett -- small balls, right?
886
00:39:46,551 --> 00:39:51,688
Like, the shaft was good, but
the balls -- like frozen peas.
887
00:39:51,723 --> 00:39:57,260
��
888
00:39:57,295 --> 00:40:02,899
��
889
00:40:02,934 --> 00:40:05,602
[ Water running ]
890
00:40:05,637 --> 00:40:13,510
��
891
00:40:13,545 --> 00:40:15,612
[ Clears throat ]
892
00:40:15,647 --> 00:40:24,187
��
893
00:40:24,222 --> 00:40:27,891
Little more on the left, no?
Is it even?
894
00:40:29,795 --> 00:40:31,694
Seems a little chilly.
895
00:40:31,730 --> 00:40:33,863
Rad.
896
00:40:33,899 --> 00:40:35,765
Like, rad.
897
00:40:38,403 --> 00:40:40,370
Huzzah.
75989
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