All language subtitles for Oh, Hi!

Oh, hi!

You okay?

Your message was strange.

Wait, why do you look
so stunning right now?

And you smell so good.

- I did a thing.
- Like a beauty treatment?

No, no, this is because I am
sleep-deprived and hungover.

You know I look my best
when I'm dehydrated.

Oh, yeah, it's so unfair
that that happens to you.

Max, I did something bad.

What did you do?

Where's Isaac?

I like that, Dolly.

Dolly Parton in the car.

Okay, Kenny Rogers has entered the car.

Fuck, I love that song.

Welcome to O High Falls.
Let's do it.

No, no, no.
It's... it's High Falls.

It's just High Falls.

- No, the sign said "O High."
- Uh-uh.

Why are you fighting with me?

It's High Falls.

It said, "O High."

Wait, one sec.

Mom, hey.

Yep, just heading out of town with Iris.

Two nights.

Yeah.

Yeah, that sounds about right.

All right, look,
I'll call you when we get back.

Love you, okay?

Love you, love you. Bye.

What was so funny?

Oh, nothing. Just an inside joke.

Ooh, strawberries.

Ooh, should we go?
Yeah.

All right.
Come on, come on.

- Hi.
- Hi.

- Welcome.
- Thank you.

Jam!

You guys out-of-towners?

We are.

Oh, my God, these are perfect.
These look amazing.

They're in season.

They're perfectly ripe.

Great.

You can try one if you want.

- Oh, yeah?
- Yeah, don't be shy.

You wanna do the honors?

- Mmm.
- Oh.

- Mmm. Oh, my God.
- I know.

Oh, my God.

They're really great.

- Oh, thanks.
- Really, really good.

You have amazing eyes, by the way.

Oh, thank you.

- Right back at ya.
- Thanks.

Beautiful eyes.

Doesn't she have great eyes?

- Beautiful eyes.
- Yeah.

We're gonna have to get two.
They're so good.

Okay. Um...

Right?

- Tad bitter.
- I'll do $10 for you.

Ooh, soft hands.

That's rare. Um, enjoy.

All right.

- Can I have the keys? I'm gonna drive.
- Oh, you're driving?

- Yeah. Do you wanna grab these two?
- Wow.

Enjoy.

Strawberry lady
looked super into you.

Nah.

She was.

What can I say?

Guess I'm a hit

with the strawberry ladies.

Oh, fuck!

Holy shit!
Oh, shit!

Shit. Shit.

- Go help her.
- Whoa.

I'm going. I'm going.

- Sorry! Sorry! Sorry, sorry, sorry!
- Oh, my God.

- I'm so sorry.
- Oh, no.

I'm just the worst driver ever.
Let me help you.

Car.

- Really?
- Car.

Fuck.

Oh, I think that's... I think that's it.

Oh, shit.
Should I have parked there?

This is fine. Just park here.

All right.

So pretty.

Oh, my God, Isaac.

This is so nice.

You're gonna come
all the way up here,

might as well have it be nice.

Yeah, but this is, like, crazy.

Two jars of butter pickles?

Why did we do that?

This is really nice.

I see.
One for sandwiches,

one sliced.

They have so many lamps.

You know, if we had jars,

we could make jam
with all these strawberries.

- What?
- It's really not that hard.

You're not real.
You know what?

You're not real.

Wanna go explore?

If by explore,
you mean have sex, then yes.

Whoa!

So, I have this,

this thing where whenever
I enter a space that's new,

I have to immediately have sex.

Like a wedding, a bar mitzvah,
just a casual dinner party.

Oh, my God, I have that same condition.

Wait, I haven't seen you
at any of the meetings.

I stopped going to the meetings.

I have a problem.

What are you doing?

Oh, I don't know.

What am I doing?

So nice.
Oh, my God.

They have everything.

We're talking olive oil.

They got good olive oil.

What should we do with this?

I mean, let's try...

...to put some in the fridge if you can.

- Ooh.
- This is some good stuff.

Don't let me drink the whiskey
'cause I get really fucking frisky.

- Okay.
- Take these away from me

- 'cause I'm gonna eat the whole bag.
- Yeah, sure.

- Then give it back to me in 30 minutes.
- Okay.

Why are the chairs like this?

Oh, that's called Shaker style.

What's that?

The Shakers?

Uh, originated in the 1700s in England.

And they actually
hung their chairs on the wall

so that it would be easier
to clean the house.

Oh, Jesus.

Can't believe
we already broke something.

I'm gonna blame it on you.

I don't know what to do,
I'm not a plumber.

- Do you want this?
- No.

Really, this place is just incredible.

You've gotta see this...

You've gotta see this mirror.
What's going on in here?

Jesus Christ, who owns this place?

Someone fun.

Why don't they
lock this stuff away?

It was locked. I picked it.

- You picked the lock?
- Yeah.

Locked doors give me anxiety.

Wait. Oh.

Wow.

Oh, my God, that's a ball gag.

Okay, yeah, no, we should not intrude.

Come on. Let's get outta here.

Ah. Watch your step.
Oh, my God, it is so pretty.

Come on in.

Okay, I want you to keep an eye on me
'cause I can't swim.

Wait, seriously?

- Whoa, whoa, hey. Oh!
- No.

I can't tell when you're
joking sometimes, seriously.

I love that you're gullible.

- What?
- You look pretty.

There's a man staring at us.

What?

There's a man staring at us.

Hello there!

This is not your playground!

What?

It is illegal to have
sexual intercourse in public.

We're not having sex.

Do you think I just
fell off a turnip truck?

I... I'm wearing a one-piece, sir.

It's kind of impossible to pull that off.

That was weird.

I forgot to mention
I invited my ex.

And there he is.

Oh, did you... Did you invite him
for the whole weekend?

Yeah, I just thought we could all hang
and get to know each other, and you know.

- Seems like a great guy.
- Right?

- Mm-hmm. Mmm.
- Really good person.

We should have sex in here right now.

What's your book about?

It's about a disease

that turns the whole world
permanently blind.

How relaxing.

Not relaxing,
but actually very interesting.

You can borrow it
when I'm done if you want.

Um, I'm not really a big reader.

You don't read?

No, I read. I just, um...

I'm just more of a movie lady.

But I really wanna read your disease book

- after you're done. Yeah.
- Sure.

Okay, movie lady.

What's your favorite old movie?

Well, my favorite films are
The Fast and the Furious franchise.

I'm assuming it's the third?

Well, no, it's a tie between all three.

They've made, like, 20 of those movies?

Um...

I'm gonna be unoriginal
and say Casablanca.

Mmm.

The ending scene

where, um,
Humphrey Bogart and Ingrid Bergman

are standing in the rain saying goodbye.

And they love each other,

but they can't be together
'cause it's impossible.

But that doesn't take away
from what they had together.

And he looks her in the eye,
and he says,

"We'll always have Paris."

That's a great scene.

Oh, my God, you've never seen it.

- Yes, I have. Yes, I have.
- You're fucking lying.

- You're lying.
- You should definitely check it out.

It's a classic.

I'll watch it after you read this.

I don't wanna read
"Blindness, Blindness, Blindness".

I'm never reading that.

It's one "Blindness".

This is a... This is a design.

Blindness.

Oh, my...

Hi.

Dinner's ready.

- Here you go.
- Oh, my God.

This looks amazing.

Thank you. I hope you like it.

Who cooks scallops at home?

You know, I like doing it.

What do you like about it?

I just find it relaxing.

Can I ask you something?

Yeah, shoot.

What was your first impression of me?

My first impression of you

was that I was
incredibly attracted to you.

I wanted to take you out on a date,

but you didn't like me.

Well, I thought you were a fuckboy.

- What?
- But...

I was intrigued.

I won you over eventually.

Yeah, third date.

- Third date? Really?
- Mm-hmm.

We just went to a bar.

Yeah, I cried.
It was embarrassing.

It was endearing.

You made me feel better.

I'm glad.

Have you ever cried on a date?

Nope.

Have you ever thrown up on a date?

- No.
- Have you ever had your heart broken?

Am I being interviewed right now?

I'm just
trying to get to know you.

Have you ever had your heart broken?

Yes. Toby.

Well, what happened with Toby?

Well, we got together when I was 16,

which is also the year
my parents got divorced.

Shitty year.

We were together for seven years.

Thought he was the one.

Guess he didn't think so,
which is fair enough,

but also really painful.

I'm sorry.

It's okay. It happens.

Except the night that it happened,
it, like, kind of came out of nowhere,

and I had this, like,
insane urge to stab him.

Seriously?

Yeah, I mean, I wanted to stab him.

Like, I restrained myself.

I'm not insane.

But I'm also glad...

...I'm not 10% crazier,

'cause who knows what
that would have caused?

Right.

Am I freaking you out?

No.

- Okay, your turn.
- I don't know. I just...

I guess I don't think about it that much.

Okay, so she really messed you up.

Mmm, not like that.

- It's not like that.
- You don't have to tell me.

So...

When I was a kid,
I walked in on my dad...

having sex with...

our neighbor.

Oh, my God.

He was too much of a coward
to tell my mom, so...

I had to do it.

Isaac, that's horrible.

Yeah.

It was pretty heartbreaking.

I'm sorry.

Yeah, he's an asshole.

This is so nice.

- What are you doing?
- May I have this dance?

Are you a little drunk?

No.

I'm not drunk. You're drunk.

Wait.

I took something from the closet.

- I thought you didn't wanna intrude.
- I changed my mind.

Have you ever been tied up before?

You know, we thrive in missionary.

Um, but I'm open to anything.

- Yeah?
- Except for butt stuff.

I just... I draw the line there.

I just... I had a procedure
a couple of years ago

where they inserted a balloon into my ass.

Yeah, I don't need...
We don't need to go there.

Um, do you... You wanna give it a try?

- Yeah.
- Yeah?

I have to take a shot first.

Let's go.
Let's fucking go.

Let's fucking go. All right.

- Another one.
- Yeah.

Okay, tie me up.

- There we go.
- Okay. Whoa.

- You ain't getting out of that, right?
- No.

Okay.
These have gotta be the leg ones.

- Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned.
- That's right.

- Whoa.
- Hey!

- Whoa.
- Look at that.

- Whoo!
- What happened to the...

Oh, there it is.

- Found it.
- Ow!

Ow!

Like that?

How does it work? Here we go.

- Perfect.
- You stay like that.

I'm just gonna leave for a minute.

- I'll be right back.
- No! Come on.

Take her to the barracks.

A salty little prisoner.
Let's get our heads together.

I can't do anything like that.

Like, I can't get, and I can't,
can't get my bra off.

You ready?

- No!
- What?

I can't do this.

I wanted to, but I just...
I'm not that kind of girl.

Okay, yeah. No, no.
We can... we can stop.

No, I don't wanna stop.
I don't wanna stop.

This is so fun. I just don't think
I can be the one that's tied up.

You wanna switch?

Is that okay?

- Yeah.
- Yeah?

Let's get you out of these cuffs.

I'm sorry that I yelled at you.

It's okay. Let's get you out.

- This is...
- I'm in a cold sweat.

- Is that okay?
- Yeah.

You wanna do my legs, too?

That doesn't freak you out?

Might as well go for it.

I'll make it nice and tight for you.

Are you ready?

Come here.

- Feels good for you?
- Fuck, yeah.

It's bright in here.
Oh, my God.

- You like that it's bright?
- Yeah.

- It's a bright lamp.
- I like it with the lights on.

I like to have sex in the dark
'cause I'm self-conscious.

Oh, my God. You're so hot.

Really?

Oh, fuck, yeah.

Oh, fuck.

Okay. Are you... are you close?
Are you close?

I already came, like, three minutes ago.

I'm gonna go pee.

- Okay.
- I'll be right back.

That was really fun.

It's just crazy.

What is?

You know.

No. What?

I just didn't expect this.

Expect what? The handcuffs?

No.

For it to feel this easy.

Our first trip as a couple.

Um...

I, uh...

I don't...

I'm not really...

You're not really what?

Looking for a relationship?

Wait, what are you talking about?

I mean, I...

I think you're great.

I'm just not really looking
for a relationship right now.

Are you joking?

No.

Wait.

What do you mean,
you're not looking for a relationship?

We've been dating for four months.

What did you think we were doing here?

What do you mean?
We're hanging out. We're having fun.

We are exclusively seeing each other.

No, we're not.

What are you talking about?

- What are you talking about?
- No, like a month ago,

I said I didn't want you
to have unprotected sex

if you were sleeping with other people,

and that's the only reason that we,
you know, haven't been using condoms.

No. You said you didn't wanna
have unprotected sex

if we were also doing that
with other people.

No, I said I didn't wanna
have unprotected sex

- if we weren't exclusive.
- No, that's not what you said.

You said that you didn't wanna
have unprotected sex

with anyone else
for sexual health reasons,

which I totally respected.

Are you sleeping with other women?

Yeah.

Uh. No, it depends on how you define...
"sleeping with."

Oh, my God, I'm... I'm horrified.

I... was... wearing condoms.

What are you...

This is what we talked about.
I don't understand.

We never talked about this.

Look, I never said I was
looking for a relationship.

If that's what you want,
maybe we should stop seeing each other.

What the fuck are you talking about?

- I'm just saying.
- I like you, and you like me.

We should definitely not stop
seeing each other.

I don't really...

Well, can we just not
have this conversation

when I'm cuffed to the bed?

Why would you bring me here?

Why would you spend all day
acting like my boyfriend?

Why would you tell your mom about me?

Why would you eat me out
in broad daylight?

Like...
that's fucking boyfriend shit.

Why would you, like,

hold my feet in that way
and kiss me deeply?

And why would you bring me
on this fucking fancy trip?

It's fucking bullshit!

You're being kinda crazy right now.

I'm being crazy?

You're being fucking crazy.
You pursued me.

Is this what you do?

You bring women on, like, fancy trips,

and then you dump them,
and you call them crazy?

- Is this, like, your... your big plan?
- Iris, calm down.

Calm down? Do not tell me to calm down.

Why are you making this
such a fucking big deal?

- I did nothing wrong.
- Seriously?

I don't like this. I'm not...
I'm not... I'm not into this.

You're right.

You did nothing wrong,
so you can sleep like that.

Are you fucking ser... Come on.

Iris.

Iris!

Fuck.

Shit.

- Hey, sweetie.
- I'm sorry. I didn't wake you, right?

No, I'm just heading off to bed.

Where are you? Why is it so dark?

I'm just sitting in the car
'cause I was gonna go out for a drive,

but I drank too much whiskey.

Oh, no, sweetie. Whiskey.
You can't drink whiskey.

Remember what happened last time?

Mom, Isaac and I
got in a really big fight.

What about?

He doesn't wanna be in a relationship.

Oh, baby.

Mom, I don't... Like, should I leave?

Like, this is so weird. I-- I don't...

You know, your dad almost stood me up
on our wedding day.

Got a bad case of cold feet.

Tried to ditch me at the venue
like an hour before we exchanged vows.

But I wouldn't let him
because I knew he loved me.

You guys are divorced.

Yeah, but we both know that was my doing.

My point is, sometimes men
don't know what's best for them.

If I were you, I wouldn't let Isaac
walk away just like that.

- Really?
- Really.

Just go and talk to him.

Be your beautiful self.

Show him those amazing eyes of yours.

Take your clothes off, maybe.

Put on that lingerie I gave you.

- Where is he right now?
- Are you... Are you serious?

Who else is gonna tell you, use your body?

Society tells me this every day,

so I just...
it would be nice to call my mom

and have her be like, "Use your heart."

I don't get a good reaction when I say it
to young people your age.

It's true.

- I love you.
- I love you too, sweetie.

I'm hanging up on you. Goodbye.

Hey, I just...

Please, God, can you please
make him stay with me?

I think that we could make
each other really happy.

When fear strikes,
the need to run becomes primal.

In this episode, I'm going to explain
how to help your partner resist that urge.

In the 1970s, I conducted a study on
12 brave couples on the brink of divorce.

My findings were fascinating.

Let's dig in.

Good morning!

- What... What time is it?
- I don't know.

Okay, can you... can you uncuff me now?

I was thinking.

What if I don't?

Don't uncuff me?

Yeah.

I don't understand the question.

What if you give me
12 hours to show you...

what we could be together?

See, the thing is,
you don't really know me.

You only know this version of me
that I've shown you,

but I think if you really got to know me,
you would change your mind

about the whole relationship thing.

Iris.

See, I was up all night
reading these articles

by this relationship expert, Sandra James.

And she was saying
that when you're fighting

with your significant other,

you should stay in the room
until you resolve it.

She says in some cases,

couples literally tie themselves together
for 24 hours.

Iris...

Let's just stay here
for the rest of the day.

And if by the end of it,
you don't wanna be with me,

then fine.

No, no, I don't...
I don't wanna do that.

I don't think
you know what you want.

Like, I think you think
you know what you want,

but that's not actually
what you want.

'Cause I don't think
you know what you want.

If you really thought about
what you wanted,

it wouldn't be what you wanted.

- Okay.
- If you wanted that,

'cause it wouldn't be what you want.

Why don't you, um...

Why don't you uncuff me,
and we can talk about it?

What if these are gifts from the universe?

A gift?

A gift that I could save you
from self-sabotage!

Look, this is "Sondra's" theory, not mine,
and she's got the PhD.

"Sondra," Sandra,
who the fuck are you talking about?

So, you'll do it.

No! Uncuff me!

Fine, I'll uncuff you,
but then I'll just have to stab you.

- What?
- It's like,

all I want is to feel deeply

and get into the nitty-gritty
of a relationship

and be vulnerable and have love.

Like, that's what I want.
It's like, let me make you breakfast!

Yeah.

Breakfast, yeah, yeah.
Make me breakfast.

Really?

Yeah. Let's... do the 12 hours.

Let's... Let's do that.

We just need to connect.

Yeah, for sure.

Okay, breakfast.

The most important meal of the day.

Breakfast!

Making breakfast.

We're making breakfast.

French toast, his favorite.

Okay.

Need an egg, okay.

Need an egg.

God, please, please don't let her kill me.

I know I'm not perfect,
but I don't think I deserve to die.

Not like this.

Oh.

Hi. Hey.

How do you know where I live?

I'm so sorry.
I do not know where you live.

I... I'm just staying at the farmhouse
down the road.

I... I promise you,
I did not know that you lived here.

You're staying at the farmhouse?

Yeah.

Uh, sorry if I seemed rude earlier,

but there have been
some local high schoolers

who've been trying to have
sexual intercourse in the creek.

Oh, yeah, I'm... I'm a full adult,

and I only get sexual inside.

I, uh, was wondering
if you would be open,

um, to letting me borrow an egg.

I know that's crazy,
and I wouldn't give it back,

but I, uh, I'm Iris, by the way,

and I'm making French toast
for my boyfriend.

- Steve.
- His name's Isaac.

- I'm Steve.
- Oh.

So nice to meet you, Steve.

You want an egg?

I would love an egg.

Oh, my fucking God,
does he not like French toast?

Does he like...

No, he got French toast.

He got French toast.

He liked...

At that diner, he got French toast.

Okay, we're making French toast.

Breakfast is served.

I need to pee.

And we're gonna figure it out.

I'm sorry. I totally forgot men peed.

But this is kind of fun, right?

Like, it could be, like,
us when we're older,

you decrepit and bedridden,
me holding your penis in a bowl

while you relieve yourself.

Please, stop.

Didn't land.

Wasn't the right time for a joke.

I totally understand that.

Oh, my God.

A bit dehydrated.

No?

I'm so sorry.

So, how are you?

I'm okay.

Yeah.

How are you?

I'm okay.

Didn't really have, um...

a plan after the...

after the breakfast idea,
so kind of just...

figuring out...
how to keep the vibes going.

Do you want me to ask you, um,
more about your childhood, or...

No, no.

Why don't you...

...tell me about yours?

I wanna know you better.

No, no, it's... I don't want...
I don't like talking about myself.

Oh, come on. You're asking me
all the questions all the time.

Why don't we switch it up?

Hmm?

Okay, what do you wanna know?

What was your childhood like?
Did you ever...

break a bone?

I mean, who was your first crush?

I wanna know everything.

- Okay.
- Yeah.

I can do that.

Great.

Well, apparently it was
a crazy heat wave that night,

and my mom woke up
in the middle of the night

already two centimeters dilated.

They said that my head was so big
that it actually ripped her vagina.

The doctor said that
he had never seen something

- that graphic before.
- Wow.

It's really rare for baby girls
to get hernias.

It's much more common in boys.

The way I stopped wetting the bed
was by lucid dreaming,

which my therapist said
was very impressive.

Can I be honest?

Paris sucks.

Not for everyone.

And I actually think the croissants
are better at Dunkin' Donuts.

So, I'm on a flight
to Amsterdam to New York,

and my friend is like,
"Here, take this edible,"

and I was like,
"Okay, I guess that could be fun."

I immediately have a panic attack,

and I go up to the stewardess
and I'm like,

"It's going down. The plane's going down.
We need to land."

What are you looking at?

Is it a bird?

Yeah, yeah, it was a bird.

It was a bird.

So, in the sixth grade,
I did this dance at a talent show,

and it was hard to say, like,

if it was good or not,

but my crush
who had never spoken to me before,

did ask me out the next day,

so I like to think that
that had something to do with it.

A dance?

Yeah, it was...

It was so ridiculous.

That doesn't sound ridiculous.
That sounds sweet.

I'd love to see it.

Yeah, one day I'll show you the video.

No, no, no, do the dance for me.

I wanna see it live.

I'm not gonna perform a dance for you.
That's insane.

Come on. I'd really love to see it.

And... And if you have a...
a recording of it, that's perfect.

You could... practice in the living room.

Seriously?

I wanna see the dance
that won over your crush.

You're such a great dancer.
We know this.

It'd be so fun. Come on.

Please?

Okay, I am getting very bored
of talking about myself.

Uh, maybe it's good
to switch up the energy.

- Okay.
- Switch it up.

- I'm switching it up.
- Let's go.

All right. I'm gonna do that.
I'll be back.

All right, great.

- Okay.
- All right.

Oh, shit. Fuck my life.

Goddamn it.

Help, help. help!

Hey! Hey!

Help!

Help!

Please, come on!

No, no, no, come on. Come back!

Hey, is everything okay?

Yeah.

Yeah, everything's fine.

I was... I was just, um, wondering
when you were gonna be ready.

Just need a few more minutes
and I'll be right back.

Okay, great.

Whoo!

Whoo.

Do not have the knees
of an 11-year-old anymore.

Do you enjoy modern dance?

Or are you more of a jazz girl?

Okay, do you wanna switch cards,
or do you wanna keep these cards?

Your... left hand.

- This one?
- Mm-hmm.

Oh, it was a two.

Ow, ow, it's stinging.

- It... It's burning.
- Yeah.

Yeah, sometimes things
that hurt are good for us.

This is what I'd look like pregnant.

I'm just kidding. Jesus Christ.

Ow!

Is it an ace?

No.

Wow.

I mean...

I mean, I'd clap, but...

Mmm.

Um...

So, did I ever tell you about the story
of when I kissed my cousin?

No, that sounds pretty weird.

In my defense, I was blackout drunk
at a family reunion.

I hadn't touched a man in six months,
and I thought he was a waiter.

Yikes.

I thought it would get a laugh.
I thought you'd think it was funny.

Actually, I also kissed my cousin once.

Okay, we're both cousin kissers.

This may be worse because
I definitely knew she was my cousin.

Oh, my God.

We have to unpack this.

- It's a long story.
- I wanna hear it.

So, how old were you and what...

It's been 12 hours.

Yeah. Yeah, just tell me a story first.

It's been 12 hours, Iris.

I think, uh, you can uncuff me now.

Yeah, I will, right now.

Um, where is the key?

I think it's down.
Uh, yeah, I think it fell.

Um, has anything changed
about your, um, feelings

for us being together?

Uh, I don't know.

- Really?
- I mean, uh,

why don't you uncuff me,
and we can talk about it?

Why can't we talk about it now?

It's been 12 hours. Uncuff me.

I... I am going to.

I just... you don't think that

- there's something special here?
- Iris.

- Iris... No, no.
- No, no. Let me finish.

- Just let me...
- I'm not doing this anymore. Okay?

- Come on.
- I'm just trying to say

- that it's really hard to meet people...
- No.

...or at least it's hard for me

- to meet people.
- Iris, I'm, um...

- And this is something that is hard...
- My patience is running really thin here.

...it's really hard to connect.

Fuck you! Uncuff me right now,
you fucking psycho.

You are literally going to jail.

- You know that?
- What?

This is a felony. Kidnapping.

I didn't kidnap you.

You absolutely did.

Look at me. Look at me.

You wanted to be tied up.

This was your fucking idea!
You said that you liked it.

Oh, my God, not for 20-plus hours!

You agreed to it!

You threatened to stab me!

I was joking!

Didn't feel like you were joking.

- Yeah.
- You really thought that I would stab you?

Yeah, you seemed really fucking manic.

And then you proceeded
not to let me leave.

And then you told me you almost stabbed

your ex-boyfriend
when he broke up with you.

That was just a thought
that went into my head.

I would never actually stab him or you.
Who the fuck do you think I am?

I felt like it was
in the realm of possibility.

No, no, no, no, no.
I didn't kidnap you.

I didn't, like, take you here and, like,

bring you to the house and trap you, okay?

That is not the only way
to kidnap someone.

You didn't let me leave!
That is kidnapping.

That's how they got O.J.

- What?
- O.J. Simpson.

Yeah, the reason why he went to jail
is because he was convicted

of not letting someone leave
his Las Vegas hotel room.

That's right.

Sentenced to 33 years. Served nine.

You're so fucked. Uncuff me.

Well, now I don't know what to do.

Uh, uncuff me?

I can't go to jail.
I... I can't go to jail.

- Oh, my God.
- They'll eat me alive.

- I won't go to the cops.
- I can't go to jail.

How can I believe you?

I won't! I'm just gonna
tell everybody you ever met

that you're fucking insane!

I won't. I won't do that.

I'm not going to do that.
I was kidding.

I'm not actually...

Iris! Iris! Ow.

What are you doing?
Get the fuck off of me!

Ow.

What the...

Iris, uncuff me.

Oh, my God.

Iris!

Fuck!

Hi. You've reached Max.

Leave a message,
and I'll call you back.

Hi, girl, um,
I'm having a bit of a situation,

and I need you to come meet me here,
like, right now.

If you could come as quickly as possible
that would be great.

Love you. Bye.

I'm sorry. What's going on here?

What should I do?

What should you do?

What should you do?

Hmm.

Let me ask Kenny actually,
because he loves Law & Order.

No, no, no. You can't call Kenny.
No one else can know.

Oh, um...

He's in the car.

Why did you bring Kenny?

How could I not bring my boyfriend

to the romantic oasis
that is High Falls, New York?

'Cause I am your best friend,
and I needed help.

Right, and that's why
he's waiting in the car,

because what if you were, like,
naked or something?

Your first thought was that I was naked
and I couldn't find my clothes?

Well, I don't know.

It definitely wasn't that you were holding
your almost-boyfriend captive.

Tell Kenny to go home.

- Tell Kenny to go home.
- Okay, okay, I will.

Hey, sorry to interrupt.

I was just, um,
pretty scary out there alone.

- Kenny!
- Hey, Iris!

Hi. Um...

Babe, you have to go.

We have some
lady stuff to sort out.

- Oh, what? I thought we would chill.
- Yeah.

Maybe I can make you a s'more
or somethin'.

Aw, that sounds so nice,
but Iris is, um

she's cramping.

I'm just cramped.
A lot of cramping.

It's, um, something
that we need to deal with alone, so...

Okay, yeah.

Where's Isaac?

We had a fight,
and he took an Uber... home.

Oh, no.

- Yeah.
- Really?

I really liked him. He's really cool.

- He was cool.
- Yeah.

Well, hopefully you guys
could get back together.

Yeah, for sure.

Yeah.
Okay.

Um, okay, yeah. Well, I'll let you guys

have friendship time, and then...

Yeah, I'm just gonna use
the bathroom quick.

- And then, be on my way.
- Oh, um...

No, my love.

I'll miss you too much.

Why don't you just pee outside
like all the guys do?

Pee outside. It's a beautiful night.

Um, no, I think I'd rather just go inside.

The bathroom's broken.

Oh, well, what have you been using?

The upstairs bathroom.

Okay, well, I'll just use that.

No. No.

Okay, what's going on?
Why can't I use the bathroom?

What, is there, like, a dead body in there
or something?

That is such jokes, Kenny.

You're insane.

Okay, yeah,
I'm just gonna go to the bathroom then.

Okay, just when you go up there, we...

just be really quiet

because the neighbor's been complaining.

- Oh, no.
- We all gotta be really quiet

and use the left door,
which is open.

Don't use the right door because... don't.

Just go in the left open door.

You got that, right?
You just go in the left.

Okay.

Thank you.

Why did you bring Kenny?

You know I don't like driving.

Hmm?

Aye.

Hello?

Hey.

Isaac is handcuffed to the bed
and accusing Iris of kidnapping.

- Max, what the fuck?
- I'm sorry.

You know, I can't keep anything
from Kenny. You know that.

Why is he accusing you of kidnapping?

Because I chained him to the bed
and I wouldn't let him leave.

But I wanted him to get to know me,

and I didn't realize
it was technically illegal,

and I thought that he was
really loving it.

Yeah, but he wasn't loving it,

and now he's threatening
to go to the police.

And I Googled it, and kidnapping is
five years minimum in prison.

Twenty is more likely.

If you get five,
you could probably get off

in two-and-a-half with good behavior.

See, Law & Order guy.

Why don't you go to the police?
It is your word versus his.

His uncle is a senator.

His word is literally backed
by the U.S. government.

- Okay, that's not good.
- Yuck, which senator?

I don't know.
It's Wisconsin or Minnesota.

I get them confused.

Look, guys, as long as there's no...

There's physical evidence.

Look, I elbowed him in the eye

when I was trying to re-cuff his leg,

and, ultimately,
I don't know how to say this, Kenny,

but he's developing a black eye.

I need to see him.

- Fuck.
- Kenny?

Kenny? Kenny, please.

Kenny!

Kenny, no! No!

Honestly, it's really bad.

Oh, my God! I'm going to jail.

No, no, no, no, no, no.

We're all going to jail.

- What?
- Well,

okay, so Max has been here with you
for a while now,

and Isaac's already seen her and me
see him chained to the bed,

and then walk out of the room casually.

Now I could probably get off
right now unscathed

if I went to the police straightaway

or unchained him right now.

But Max, she's almost certainly
gonna be an accomplice.

Lucky for you guys, though,
I am a go-down-with-the-ship type of guy,

and Max here is my lady and my ship.

Okay, so I'm here on a visa.

If I get accused of being an accomplice
to kidnapping,

I'm definitely getting deported.

- Oh, my God.
- Fuck.

- Okay, this is really bad.
- Okay.

Um, what if we give him
some kind of head injury

that causes some form of amnesia?

Oh, my God!
We make him forget the entire thing.

Let's do that! Let's do that!
We hit his head!

- What? What the fuck?
- We hit his head.

- Let's do that!
- Okay, we can do that.

No, no. Guys, we're not gonna...
We can't give him a head injury

that causes amnesia
without killing him.

- We could kill him.
- What?

- What? No!
- We're not killing him.

Well, you already threatened to stab him,

and there are a lot of woody areas
to hide a body.

I did find a lot of switchblades.

There are also kitchen knives.

We're not gonna murder him!

- We are obviously joking.
- We're joking, Kenny.

Then say that you're joking!

- Whoa.
- I just feel like, yeah, if you joke,

then say you're joking, just right now,

so that we're all on the same page
'cause I don't want to...

If someone's making jokes,
and I think it's serious,

- it's gonna be a problem.
- Babe, it's okay.

Okay, I'm cool.

We're not gonna murder the little guy.

Okay, not to change the subject,
but I'm so hungry.

I'm fucking starving.

Yeah, honestly, I'm very hungry, too.

I think that is the cause of my explosion.

Great pasta, babe. It's really good.

- It's really good.
- Yeah, you should have some.

- You don't want any pasta?
- I don't know.

Did you poison it?

No, Isaac. Of course, I didn't poison it.

Just take one fucking bite.

You don't want a bite? Just take a bite.

I don't wanna eat it.
I don't wanna have to do more than pee.

I understand, but Kenny's here,
and he can help you with that.

Oh, that's a big ask.

No, no! God, no.

I... Just let me go. Let me go.

- Please, let me go. I won't tell anybody.
- We've... Okay.

We've established that I can't trust
anything that you say.

Ooh! Wait.

What about the drug
that men use to rape women?

- The roofie drug?
- Hmm.

We could try that.
He would lose his memory.

Please don't drug me.

No, that only works, like, on the night
that you take it, nothing before.

Oh, fuck! You're right. Shit.

- Think, Max, think.
- You got this, baby. Think.

- Kenny, walk with me.
- Yes, baby.

So, we're gonna be right back.

Why can't you just say you're sorry?

Me? For what?

- For leading me on.
- I didn't lead you on.

You pursued me!

That doesn't mean we're automatically
going to be in a relationship, Iris.

Okay. I'm sorry I'm not a chill girl
that doesn't care about commitment at all.

I'm not trying to make you chill.

- Yeah.
- I'm not trying to make you anything.

You made me scallops!

Yeah, I made you scallops.
What the fuck are you talking about?

You spent all this time, like,
wooing me and pursuing me

and, like, you made me like you!

Wait. So, so, the issue is

- that I treated you too well?
- Oh, my God.

- You're infuriating.
- I'm lost.

I think you like me,
and you're just scared.

Stop telling me how I feel.

You know,
you have textbook intimacy issues,

like, it's just really clear to everyone
but, like, you know what I mean?

Don't, don't, don't... Don't therapize me!

Don't do that! Do not.

I'm sorry. I just, um...

I thought we were having a nice time.

We were.

We were.

I just... I never asked you to, um...

to father my children or get married.

- Oh, okay.
- I just asked you to only date me.

But it's never just that.

We would have gotten deeper
and deeper intertwined,

and then eventually,

you know, you'd want more.
You'd want more.

Maybe you would, too.

Yeah, but what if I didn't?

- That would have been fine.
- Then what? I'm the asshole?

No, I'd be the asshole.
Maybe that's what I am already.

I'm the asshole.
That's what you can tell people about me.

Then I'll just be the crazy girl.

Hey, sorry.

Um, Max wanted to see you.

Cool. You wanna take over this? Great.

Kenny, come on, man.
Let me go.

I'm sorry, man. I really want to.
I just...

I can't.

- This is insane.
- I'll tell you what.

I'm not gonna let them kill you.

That's your line? Murder?

Yeah.

I know. I know. So embarrassing. Um...

She'd obviously like to erase that memory.

You do? Oh, my God.

Can you send it to me right now?

Yeah, we're in nature right now,

so it's actually really easy for us
to light a fire. That's perfect.

Oh, thank you so much.
You're a lifesaver, for real.

Send my love to Aunt Jasmine.

Okay. Bye, girl.

Who was that?

My cousin, the witch.

She has a spell for us
to try on Isaac's memory.

- Max, can we be serious?
- I'm dead serious.

- She is a witch.
- Right, and I love you...

with the witch stuff,
it's always, like, I'm with you.

- I just... I just got in a really big...
- Iris, she's a witch, okay?

I'm telling you. Just trust me on this.
Seriously.

You called for my help,
I hauled my ass out here.

I just feel like we've exhausted
all of our options, and we're...

Yeah, we're in a place of needing magic.

We need to cut the shit
and turn to witchcraft.

Yeah, you're... you're right.

- Okay.
- Let's do it.

- Let's do it. Let's do it.
- Let's make some magic.

"When the doctor and the old man
with the black eye patch

"entered the ward with the food,

"they did not see,

"could not see."

- It's ready.
- Wait.

He's not gonna take it
if I give it to him.

He literally thought I was poisoning him
with pesto pasta.

Hmm.

"One by one, and then...

- "herself."
- Oh, my God.

Wow.

- Wow.
- Wow.

You have a really nice reading voice.

- Thank you.
- Really nice.

Thanks, man, you are.

I don't understand why the book is called
"Blindness, Blindness, Blindness".

It's... It's just...
it's just Blindness.

Can you open up the window?

Yeah, it's stuffy in here, right?

Gosh.

- How's this?
- Perfect, thank you.

Are you feeling it?
Mm-hmm.

- Oh, good.
- Babe?

Babe!

- Hey, what's up, babe?
- Can I have some water?

Yeah, one sec!

Not you! I was talking to Kenny!

All right, I got you, pal!

Can we talk to you
right now outside?

Yeah, why? What's up?

No, seriously, can we meet you outside?

- Yeah, I'll be right there.
- Come, Kenny, come on.

I'll be right there.

Okay, we need you to give this to Isaac,

because if either of us do it,
he'll be suspicious.

Great, what is it?

It's the potion to help him
forget the last two days.

Okay.

I feel like I should have a drink, too.

'Cause if I give him a drink
and I don't have one,

it could be weird,

but if we both have a drink,
then it's like a bonding thing.

- Oh, you're so smart.
- Thanks.

Okay, I'll make you a tea.

Here you go.

- Mm-hmm.
- That's good.

Huh.

How is that?

It's... It's strong flavor.

- Thank you.
- There you go.

Thank you, sir.

Yeah, it's my grandma's recipe.

It helps aid in sleep
and ease anxiety, so...

That's nice.

So...

- So you've never been dumped?
- No.

That's crazy.

I hate breaking up with people.

You know, you go on
three dates with a girl,

and then you have to have this...

full talk

about how you don't wanna
keep seeing 'em.

It's... the worst.

- For you or for them?
- Both.

- Come on. I don't wanna make someone cry.
- Yeah.

I know what you're saying.

- If you're just not that into someone...
- It's not that. It's not that I'm not...

into her. I am. I... I was.

Yeah. No, I get it.

Yeah, my pal, Phil. He's like you.

What?

Well...

So, evolution, right, they gave us
these reptilian brains

to protect us from danger, right?

So, that's why we remember the bad things
that happen to us

four times as strongly as the good things.

Like, "Don't eat this poisonous berry,
so remember it."

Yeah, but now we don't really have to
worry about berries as much,

so our brains come up with new things
that we label as threats,

like girls.

Sorry. My mom is a therapist.

- Oh.
- Yeah.

How did you meet Max?

- Tinder.
- Tinder?

Yeah.

Thought that was more of a...

- you know...
- Oh, no. That's a common misconception.

No, I found my soulmate.

Why do I still want him?

I just, you know,
I haven't liked someone in so long.

I know.

And he said all these things, and I...

told myself this story that we were, like,
falling in love and...

I just... I wanted it to be true.

I know.

Ugh, he's just, like, a classic softboy.

- What?
- He's a softboy.

Wait. What... What is that?

They're like, you know,
they're like fuckboys.

Like, a fuckboy just wants casual sex.

And then a softboy, like the fuckboy,

has no intention
of making anything serious or defined,

but they just want all of the affection
and romance of a relationship, you know?

They want all the good parts,
but without any of the...

commitment or genuine vulnerability.

- Jesus Christ.
- I know.

They trick ya. They get ya.

They're the worst.

- Ay-yi-yi.
- I know.

Apparently, my dad was a big softboy
in the '80s.

- No, he's obsessed with your mom.
- I know,

but he said if he had met her
a year earlier,

he would have fucked it up,
because he was just being a softboy.

No, no, but he loves her,
so it would have been fine.

Yeah, but love's not enough, you know?
You have to be ready.

We all gotta meet on the bridge
at the same time,

or else it'll just fall apart.

What if this spell doesn't work?

I really think it's gonna work.

Okay, so we've made the brew,
given it to the subject, Isaac.

All that's left to do is get naked
and cast the spell.

Wait, why are you naked?

Solidarity.

Erase this memory from the one I love.

I'll say it now for all above.

The last two days must disappear.

Get rid of all the mounting fear.

Erase this memory from the one I love.

I'll say it now for all above.
The last two days must disappear.

Get rid of all the mounting fear.

- Leave him calm and with some wonder.
- Sweet dreams.

Trusting me, not knowing my blunder.

We'll know whether or not it worked
when he wakes up in the morning.

Enjoy, brother.

We're out of limes again.

- Care for another?
- Ah...

Not sure.

- I think I'm getting stood up.
- Mm.

- First date?
- Third.

Oof. Ouch.

- It's fine.
- Pilsner, right?

- That her?
- Hi! I'm so sorry I'm late.

- It's no problem at all.
- I'm never late.

- Sorry about that.
- It's no problem.

- I made friends with the bartender.
- Oh, cool.

Are you okay?

I'm so good. I'm really great.

- Have you been crying?
- No.

Are you sure?
You kind of look like you've been crying.

Oh, God.

No. No, what happened?

I just...

I just didn't have a good day,
but, uh, I'm so sorry.

I... I'm embarrassed.

- Don't worry about it. It's fine.
- No, it's not fine.

I should have cried outside
like a normal adult.

Do you wanna talk about it?

No, it's fine. I'm just gonna...

I'm just gonna pull it together.

You don't have to.
We can get outta here,

go cry at a... nearby bodega

like real New Yorkers.

I'm more than happy to start thinking
of some sad shit

and cry with you.

Just give me ten minutes
of a video of a toddler

getting fit for glasses
for the first time,

and I'll be a fucking mess.

Um...

I'm gonna think about it. Thank you.

Iris?

I hate you.

What?

I said, "I hate you."

Morning.

Good morning.

Last night was fun, right?

Oh, I think we, um...

forgot to take these off.

Do you mind? I really have to pee.

Yeah, of course.

Oh, my God.

Sleeping like this really
does a number on your back.

I'm sure.

God, this was so fucking fun, though.

There you go.

We must have been really drunk.

You get the legs?

- Yeah.
- Great.

Oh, my God.

Let me get these darn things off.

There we go.

Okay, got 'em?
Yeah.

Ah.

It worked. Oh, my God.
He doesn't remember anything.

- What?
- He doesn't remember anything.

- Oh, my God! We're witches.
- He's in the bathroom.

- Let's go.
- I don't want him to see you.

- Get out.
- Okay.

- He's gonna hear you.
- Oh, my God.

I'm trying.

Max, Kenny. Hi.

- Hey.
- Hello there.

- Hey, you.
- You.

What's up?
What are you guys doing here?

They, uh, surprised us.

I, I... You were sleeping,
so I didn't want to wake you.

Yeah, had to crash the party.

Yeah. Well, I hope that,
we're not intruding.

No. No, not at all.

Just... wasn't expecting you guys.

- Well, surprise.
- Surprise!

Let's get breakfast.
Somewhere local and fun.

Yeah, yeah.
Yes.

Let's go. Let's do that.

Yummy.

Oh, we could, uh, make breakfast

with all the strawberries
we picked up. Ooh.

I think we have ingredients for pancakes.

Oh, yeah. Did you stop by a stand?

- 'Cause I love a local berry.
- Yeah. Yeah, we did.

Great. Let's make pancakes.

You know what?
I think I left the flour in the car.

Do you know where the keys are,
your car keys?

- Can I have them?
- Uh, yeah.

Um...

The keys are right here.

Great.

Be right back.

- Oh, my God!
- Oh, my God.

We did it!

The power of sisterhood.

Wait, if he doesn't remember anything,

then he doesn't remember
breaking up with me.

- Oh, Iris.
- No, no, no. I'm just...

No, I will break up with him.

- I'm just saying...
- Good.

- But also it's, I mean, there's a lot...
- Babe?

Baby?

I'm just saying there's,
so much is changing...

- Max!
- What?

Um, I don't think that he went
to get the flour.

Oh!

Oh, shit.

God!

Can you open the window?

Because if either of us do it,
he'll be suspicious.

Awesome. What is it?

It's the potion to help him
forget the last two days.

Okay.

- I'm going to bed.
- What?

Iris, come on. We have to go.
Let's go after him.

- I'm really good at following cars.
- Yeah.

No. We're not getting involved
in a high-speed car chase.

It's fine! I can do it.

- Yeah, we can catch him! Let's go!
- No.

No. You guys have done enough.
Thank you.

If he goes to the police,
I'm gonna say it's all my fault

and, that I coerced you guys into it.

What? No, okay, maybe we could...

Max! It's over.

Oh, my God.

- Mmm.
- They're something else!

- These are bussin', baby.
- This one.

- Hey, you're up.
- My God.

We made you breakfast.

- Here you go.
- Guys, this is so nice.

You need strength.

Oh, you okay?

- I mean, this is just absurd.
- Yeah.

- Yeah, it is.
- It really is.

But, hey, I was thinking,

what if he doesn't
even go to the police?

That'd be nice.

He might just go...

home.

- Maybe.
- Yeah. He might just...

- Yeah.
- Go home and...

this might all just be like a weird dream
that we had or something.

Hey, honestly, when I would think
about telling people,

it's funny.

Yeah.

- Hello?
- Is this Iris Jacobs?

Yeah, it is. Who is this?

This is the High Falls deputy sheriff.

- It's the sheriff.
- That motherfucker.

- Put him on speakerphone.
- Okay.

Yeah, we found your car pinned
against a tree on the side of the road

with no one in it.

Oh, my God.

Were you driving?

I don't see it as reported stolen.

No, I, um, my... my friend was...

You don't see him there?

No, there's no sign of anyone here.

We called the tow truck.

If you'd like to pick up any belongings,
you should come now.

I've got the location!
It's straight down the hill!

- Good.
- Max, what if he's dead?

Iris, he's not dead. Come on, let's go.

I heard a howling early this morning

when I was on my hike at dawn.

There's a man yelling out for Iris.
That's you, right?

- Oh, my God.
- Yes, yes, please. Where...

Where did you hear it?

Oh, it's hard to be sure
because, you know,

once a frequency drops below 120 hertz,

it becomes difficult,
if not impossible,

to, uh, use time difference
or level difference

- to, uh, discern a sound's lateral source.
- Please,

if you had to guess.

If I had to guess, gun to my head,
well...

- We have to go.
- Anything can help.

Okay, don't hold me to it,

but by the creek about three-quarters
a mile north.

- Thank you so much, Steve.
- You're welcome.

Wow, who was that?

That weird guy
I was telling you about.

No! Steve?

- Oh.
- Okay.

You guys go meet the sheriff.
I'm gonna go try to find him.

- Okay.
- Wait, is this a good idea?

- He could be hurt.
- Okay, call us, okay?

Okay.

Isaac!

Isaac!

Isaac!

Isaac! Fuck. Shit.

Shit.

Answer me. Are you alive?

[IN THE DISTANCE] Iris?

Isaac?

Iris!

- Where are you?
- I'm down here!

Isaac! Isaac! I'm here.

- Help!
- I'm coming. Okay.

Iris.

Oh, my God.
Oh, thank God.

- What happened?
- Fuck.

The car, it hydroplaned and...

Fuck!

I tried to make my way
back to the house.

My phone was dead.
I slipped, and I fell.

- I think I broke my ankle.
- Okay. Let me call Max.

I'm so sorry.

Hey. Yeah, I found him by the creek.

He's really injured.

Yeah. We need an ambulance.
I can't carry him alone.

Yeah, I'll send a pin. Bring the sheriff.

Oh, God.

Are you okay?

Yeah. It just hurts.

I'm so sorry.

I, uh...

All this got so...

ridiculously out of hand.

And I, um... I think I...

just kept going,
and I kept going,

and I got to this place where I thought
I could keep us together by sheer will,

and that's not the way
it's supposed to be.

And I don't wanna force someone
to be with me.

But me thinking that this weekend

was gonna end in us
being together, like,

that didn't come out of nowhere.

I just wish you had been honest.

I had a dream that you hated me.

What?

Last night I had a dream
where you seduced me,

and you told me that you hated me.

I don't hate you.

I think there's...

There's something wrong with me.
I just don't...

I wish I could give you
what you want. I just... I can't.

I can't.

Why not?

You have this blind optimism,

but what usually happens
is people fall in love,

and it falls apart.

They make these big promises
and declarations, and then,

it falls apart.

Because one of them got bored and drunk

or sad and insecure, and they just...

they just fall out of love
for whatever reason,

or they stay together miserable and...

I just don't know.

I just don't know how people do it.

It doesn't always fall apart.

It falls apart a lot.

Look, I should have been honest with you
from the start.

I'm sorry.

I don't think you're an asshole.

I don't think you're crazy.

Maybe a little.

Okay, maybe... maybe a little.

Are the straps really necessary?

Sir, we need to secure you
to the stretcher.

It's required for safety.

- Okay, cool.
- Yeah, just keep... keep them loose.

I'll be fine.

We'll always have O High.

What?

Never mind.

And then, the next thing that I'll learn
is to go faster.