All language subtitles for My Two Dads S01E01 Pilot

I'm telling you, I hardly remember her.
She was an old girlfriend.

She's named you beneficiary in her will.

She was a grateful old girlfriend.

Look, whatever it is that Marcy left me,
whatever old poetry I wrote, I just

want to collect it and get back uptown.
I have an 1145 with Arthur Simon

Whitehead, wealthy person.

He is giving me ten minutes to convince
him to let me invest his wealth. And if

I land this account, they will make me
partner or vice president.

Well, put a window in my office.

You know, I never thought of you as the
type who wrote poetry.

I'm not. That was a long time ago. I was
very different around her.

Michael, you don't have to deny that you
were in love with someone on my

account.

Hey, I'm not the type to deny my
feelings, unlike you who wants me and

admit it.

I want you.

I want you to be my friend.

Well, Catherine...

That's all I want, too. Really?

And how do you define friend?

Friend, someone I have seen naked.

Would you like to know how I define best
friend?

No.

Michael, I'm your attorney.

You take a professional relationship to
bed, and do you know what you become?

I myself became the appellate judge of
the 5th District Court.

Your Honor.

Honor schmoner, it took six minutes and
now I'm a judge.

We are awaiting one more beneficiary and
then we may see to the administration

of the Marcy Bradford estate, which is
evenly split between you.

All your old girlfriends leave you 50 %
of their worldly goods?

So far.

Okay.

I met her during the summer after my
freshman year in college.

We were key wet.

Just me and her and... Did you say one
more beneficiary? Excuse me.

Is this the room where they're reading
the will for Marcy Bradford?

13 years later, you still wear high
karate?

Wasn't bad enough I had to share it with
you when she was alive, huh?

Your Honor, I have several more
appointments today.

Hey, I'm sure you do. Look at you. Hey,
without me around, looks like you've

become just another suit, huh?

You want to pin a label on me, you can
start with Coffee Achiever.

I'm not just another anything. I happen
to have my life exactly the way I want

it. Is this your girlfriend?

I have no idea.

Michael, aren't you going to introduce
me? Nope. You don't want to meet him. He

wears sweaty T -shirts. He eats meat.
He's an animal. Look at him.

Guess I've been going at this girl all
wrong.

The man Michael wants to be when he
grows up.

Well, whoever Marcy was, she seems to
have mattered very much to both of you.

That was a lifetime ago, and I myself
have no feelings about her anymore.

Hey, neither do I. Fine, may we get
started, please?

I'm Marcy Bradford. Marcy Bradford loved
me.

Don't come in here after 13 years and
start twisting around something that was

very important to me. She died.

This was the first woman I ever cared
about. Hey, this is the last woman I

cared about.

Seems she cared for both of you about
the same.

Although, who am I to judge?

Whatever Marcy left us, let's appraise
it, sell it, split it, goodbye.

Agreed? Absolutely. I got no reason to
live with the past any longer than I

to.

Luggage? Please let it be that she left
us luggage.

I'm sure you're both wondering who this
is.

No.

This is Nicole Bradford.

Congratulations. It's a girl.

She would have to be 12.

She don't look 12. She looked 11.

She looks 13.

Tell these nice gentlemen how old you
are, sweetheart.

Thank you, Nicole.

And you know, I really could have used
that luggage.

The court is in possession of your
medical records. The father is

indeterminate. Well, that's you.

What are the consent alternatives that
are stipulated in the will?

Excuse me, Perry Mason.

There are certain responsibilities that
come with fatherhood that I don't know

if I'm ready for.

There's also a little thing called love
that goes along with it. Oh, that's

right. Make me the bad guy for being
practical.

We're talking about a child here, huh? A
little child.

Now, if you don't want her, I'll take
her, okay?

I'll take Nicole.

I'll take Nicole.

Want some fries with that?

You're not ordering a McDaughter.

This is a little female human.

She needs two parents and a proper
bringing up.

Exactly as is the intent of this will.

Unless you two gentlemen can demonstrate
family harmony.

And if today's behavior is indicative, I
have my doubts.

And Nicole becomes a ward of the state
and will be remanded to the county

adoption home.

Is that some nice modern facility?

You've read Dickens.

Well, this is home.

This is where you get to grow up.

Hey, first thing we do, okay? We go to
the top of the Empire State Building,

huh? Because I want you to see this
whole city.

Because it's yours. I give it to you.

Where are the walls?

Then we go to Yankee Stadium, huh? We'll
eat hot dogs, popcorn, peanuts.

I mean, we'll throw up.

Real father and daughter stuff, you
know?

Is this my bed?

I'm nervous now.

Come on, come on.

This is what I do, huh?

I made this. I mean, everything you see
here, okay? Everything hanging up,

everything on the floor, I made.

Oh, you're an artist.

You're poor. You have to live here.

Look at his bed, huh?

It's always made, right? Want to know
why?

What do you got in that bag?

This is Mr. Beebles.

I tell him my troubles.

Hey, Mr. Beebles.

And this... Whoop.

Okay.

Twelve is a difficult age.

We got each other to tell our troubles
to.

So, you make things.

Yeah, I make anything.

How about lunch?

Sure. Hey, you want Chinese?

We'll go to Chinatown. You want Italian,
huh? Go to Little Italy. How about tuna

fish? Here.

Huh?

I don't have to go anywhere.

What do you have?

I don't understand what you mean.

In the refrigerator.

Where lunch lives.

Hey,

we've got champagne and... champagne.

No frozen food?

That's what we're going to do first.

Okay, we'll go ice skating at
Rockefeller Center, and we'll go to a

game out at the Square Garden. Huh? What
do you say?

Hello, Tom.

Thanks.

Luke.

Hey, Eddie, man. What's shaking?

Yeah.

Yeah, I'm just sitting around here with
my daughter.

Yeah, I just got her. She's 12.

Today?

Oh, man, you got to cover for me. No
basketball game?

Oh, tell Mr. Holland I'll be down here
in five minutes.

No ice skating?

Hey, listen, Nicole, this is a big
opportunity for both of us. This is

Hollander's major art gallery.

You just look around the loft, get
yourself familiar with the place, okay?

Because it's yours. I give it to you.

I won't be long.

No lunch?

Nothing changes, does it?

You are still the same unreliable guy
you always were.

Something bothering you?

Yeah, sure, George. I like to be
responsible for Nicole, unless I have to

somewhere.

I'm sorry my meeting took so long.
That's okay. Did you get my note?

Look what she does, huh? Look what she
does.

She dots these I's with these little
hearts. Isn't that great?

Hey, it's day one, Mr.

Responsible. Day one, and already you
disappear. She ends up in my office. Do

you know how?

By subway.

Hey, kids in this neighborhood take the
subway all the time.

I don't care what other kids do. I only
care what this kid does.

When did I grow my father's finger?

Don't come down here telling me about
right and wrong when you don't even have

the right to care yet.

I mean, gee, Judge, I think I need a
little time to think this thing over.

I think any normal person would.

Who sleeps here, Gandhi?

You understand what I mean, don't you?

Right now I'm having a difficult time
understanding anything.

That's because you're right in the
middle of so much. Because I'm right in

middle of starving to death. Hey, I
ordered you a pizza. It's going to be

any minute.

I just don't happen to be the type of
guy who makes impulsive decisions.

You know, look, this is not some puppy
that you take home because it looks like

you can restore a window with a sad
-eyed puppy face.

Don't do that.

I think Nicole deserves the best
possible bringing up by the best

parents and in the best possible home.

My God, you actually live here?

And what makes you think that I'm not
Nicole's best possible parent, huh?

Because you know nothing about raising
children. What do you know about raising

children? What's there to know? She's
already outgrown the hard part.

Yo, who's the looker?

Okay, so maybe there's a little hard
part left.

Thank you.

Joey, nobody knows you better than me. I
mean, you always do this. You act on a

whim. You never considered the future
responsibilities, like the time with the

goat. What goat? The goat, the team
mascot. It was your week defeated, you

forgot, and it died.

We had to play Penn State with a dead
mascot on wheels, Joe.

Do you want Nicole to end up on wheels?

Are you going to get up every morning
and pull her to school, huh?

Look, maybe I don't live my life as
organized as you do. So what? Maybe I'm

ruled by an appointment calendar like
you are. I'm not ruled by anything. I

just... Give me the book, Joe.

Hey, Mikey.

Hey, I'm holding your life in my hands,
Mikey.

That's a really great move.

That's really smart.

Isn't that nice?

I'm glad to see you've really grown up,
Joe.

Hey, I just freed you, Michael.

You're a free man now. So what's going
to be your first act as a free man, huh?

My new backup date book.

Let me see how you could possibly think
that somebody with Marcy's spirit could

have ever been interested in someone
like you. Hey, look, guys, our first

together. She loved my ambitions, and at
least I have some.

If it wasn't for you, I would have been
with her all these years. You're

deluded, pal. You're deluded. Marcy was
much too classy a woman to have ever

ended up with a guy like you. Out. Fine.

Out. I want you out of here right now.
Fine, because 13 years is too short a

time between visits.

Stop!

My mother would never have loved you
guys.

You don't want this to work.

I don't want either of you for my
father.

Nicole, you don't really mean that. Yes,
I do.

I don't want to hear you argue anymore.

Well, stop fighting. Well, you're not
fighting. You're in meetings.

I'm in the way.

It's never in my mother's way.

She was always happy to see me.

I saw your faces at the judges.

You weren't happy to see me at all.

I was willing to give you a chance.

You just don't want to give me one.

Nick. I'm sorry.

And I'm 12 years old.

And my mother died.

And I just want to go to sleep.

You can take me back in the morning.

Nicole, they'll put you in an adoption
home.

I'd rather be adopted by people who
think that having a daughter is the most

wonderful thing in the world.

Nicole, wait a minute. No.

Please don't follow me.

Just take me back tomorrow, and maybe I
won't remember you too much.

That is definitely Marcy's kid.

She got fired and hurt. It didn't come
from either one of us.

Maybe she's right.

What? Between the two of us, we barely
managed to get her fed.

What kind of parents would we be?

Hey, I wasn't gonna make her study hard.

I was gonna take her out late.

I was gonna be a great parent.

And you would, wouldn't you? What?

You would just, you'd change your life
just like that? You would become

father and you wouldn't think twice.

Yeah, I guess I would.

That kills me about you.

I know.

I mean, every time we had plans to do
something that we wanted to do, we'd end

up doing something we didn't want to do
because you can't stand having plans.

Yeah, that's because every time I do
something that you want to do, I live to

regret it. When did we ever do something
that I planned? I went to Key West with

you, and I fell in love with the girl of
my dreams, and I lost her.

Yeah, but the food.

You have anything to drink in this
place?

He added some champagne in the
refrigerator.

Ain't too much to celebrate.

Well, we could drink to Marcy.

Okay. Maybe just one bottle.

Hey, Joe?

Supermarkets. Grasp the concept.

And I thought Wisconsin was only known
for cheese.

You're the only girl in the world.

I should be getting back uptown.

Yeah.

This is something you want to talk
about.

I don't have anything planned.

Why, do you think we have something to
talk about?

Yeah.

Look at us.

I mean, we can't even share the kid. We
can't share a bottle of champagne.

I mean, now that we're going to be
fathers, why don't we become adults,

Meaning what?

Meaning why don't we finally admit that
she loved us both?

You first.

She loved you, Michael.

And I hated you for it every day.

She loved you too, Joe.

She loved you too, Joe.

Our only flaw.

And we fought with each other so much
after that she didn't want anything to

with either one of us.

Now she's giving us another chance. Now
that we're older and wiser, we've blown

it again.

Your door is open.

Very nice in this neighborhood.

I know that voice.

Perhaps I've come at a bad time.

This is not what it looks like.

We've just become friends again.

That's what it looks like.

I'll never drink again.

We just had a little champagne to
celebrate our new daughter.

If this is what I can expect, when I
have an appointment, I can't wait to

up unannounced.

You had an appointment?

Excuse me.

She had an appointment?

Did I forget to mention that?

Yes, you forgot to mention that.

Which is very unlike him.

Gentlemen, despite the intent of the
will, the court's responsibility is the

welfare of the child.

Before I turn this case over to social
services, I want to make sure Nicole is

satisfied with her two new guardians.

Of course.

I'll go see if our precious dear is up.

Tell her about our reunion, which she
knows nothing about.

How did you enjoy your first day as a
new father?

Oh, it was... You know, I was going to
take her skating. I was going to take

to the basketball game, you know, to the
ballet.

But I didn't.

It's right out of time. That day just
went by so fast.

That's why you get a whole lot of days
to be a father.

You're going to have a whole life
together.

Go wash your face.

Can I speak to you a minute, please?

Where's Nicole?

Can I see you a moment, please?

Is there a problem, gentlemen?

Oh, no.

Everything's fine.

Terrific. Couldn't be better.

She's gone.

What? She's gone.

Empty. Vacancy.

There's nobody home.

We lost her. I won't lose anything. I've
had the same shoes for 12 years.

We have a 12 -year -old one night, and
we lost her.

Gentlemen? Yeah, her door's closed.

Yeah, I think she's probably getting
dressed right now.

Yeah, you know, an almost teenage girl
getting dressed. This could be hours.

Why don't you come back?

I'll wait. Okay.

I don't think she trusts us.

Oh, why?

Just because she finds us in bed
together?

With empty champagne bottles?

And now our kid is gone forever?

I think we're father of the year.

Nobody... gone forever, okay? We're
going through an adjustment period.

got to understand that. That's her job.
We should tell her? Yeah, if we can find

the right way to tell her. Tell me what?

Never mind.

I went to get breakfast.

It wasn't taking any chances.

You stayed.

You think I'd leave you with half a
father?

Cool. So we're here to see you.

You came to take me back?

Do you want to go back?

Are you two going to fight anymore?

Yeah.

Paul, Michael and I, we haven't seen
each other for a lot of years. You know,

we're two completely different people
who look at life in completely different

ways. So there's going to be a lot of
times when we disagree.

Right?

Right.

But because of you, we started to
remember why we used to be friends.

And if you're still willing to give us
the chance, maybe we can remember how to

be the guys that your mother loved.

Why?

Well, because we're two people that
think that having a daughter is one of

most beautiful things in the world.

When did you decide that?

We had a meeting.

Just checking.

She's got my chin.

She's got my eyes. Look at that.

Well, I can tell she's mine. She talks
in complete sentences.

She's got my sense of humor.

Oh, yeah? Which one of us has a great
smile like Nicole, huh?

Which one of us is tall like she is?

Which one of you is a light sleeper?