Original subtitles

Previously on Monk...

The crime scene boys found something here that might upset you.

Look at the fingerprints. Thumb, index finger, middle finger, ring finger,

pinkie... NATALIE: Six fingers.

Twenty years, I've only seen one other bomb like that. Trudy.

Trudy!

I said stay back! I mean it!

Wait a minute. I know you. You're the cop with the wife.

Who hired you?

I tell you that, I'm a dead man.

Sheriff's Department! Drop that weapon. I'm not asking twice.

You have the right to remain silent.

You have the right to an attorney.

What the hell happened?

Monk jimmied the lock on the van. He jumped out.

Your boss is a murder suspect.

Right now, he's acting like a very guilty murder suspect.

You get a clean shot, bring him down.

Leland, I know who set me up.

It was that sheriff. Rollins. Why?

I don't know why. But I know how.

That was Adrian Monk. Call the Tact Squad.

He said I should come alone.

Are you setting me up, Leland?

Monk, just put the gun away.

Monk! Monk!

Monk! Please! Drop the gun!

Morning.

Good morning, Monk.

How do you feel?

I don't know.

How about "Happy to be alive"?

No. That's not it.

Nice shooting.

Thank you.

I brought you some water and some dry clothes. Here you go.

Where... Where's everybody else?

They're looking for your body.

They found your jacket about two miles south.

That should keep them busy for a while.

Not too shabby for somebody who can't swim.

Oh, I was highly motivated.

What should I do now?

You don't do anything.

You're a dead man. You disappear.

I'm going to poke around a bit, see if I can't figure out what's going on.

Whatever it is, it's big. Scary big.

Do you think I could... No, you cannot call Natalie. You cannot call Dr. Kroger.

How could you call them if you don't exist?

Monk, they want to lock you away, and they have the evidence to do it.

And after this little stunt, they could put me away, too.

You better get going.

There is a bus stop behind the gas station up on Silvertree.

Hey, thanks.

Thanks for killing me.

Hey, that's what friends are for.

It's a jungle out there

Disorder and confusion everywhere

No one seems to care

Well, I do

Hey, who's in charge here?

It's a jungle out there

Poison in the very air we breathe

You know what's in the water that you drink?

Well, I do

It's amazing

People think I'm crazy

'cause I worry all the time

If you paid attention, you'd be worried, too

You better pay attention

Or this world we love so much

might just kill you

I could be wrong now

But I don't think so

'Cause there's a jungle out there

It's a jungle out there

Natalie?

Hey.

How you doing?

I don't know. About the same.

These were out front.

From Sharona. Oh.

Oh, they're beautiful. Um...

Why don't you put them over there?

She and Benjy are going to fly in for the service.

That's funny.

When he was alive, he always said he didn't have any friends.

Hey, would it be okay if I wrote a song for the service?

Oh, yeah, Randy, that would be wonderful.

He would've liked that. Mr. Monk was a big, big, big...

He knew how much you really love music.

Great.

Look, I found one of him smiling.

You didn't see that very often.

Listen, Natalie, the Captain's out front. He'd really like to come in.

No.

Natalie, he didn't have a choice. Monk fired the first shot.

You know what, don't tell me that.

There's always a choice. He could have fired a warning shot.

That's not the way we were trained. Okay, you know what,

how about shot him in the leg or not fired at all.

God.

I can't believe it.

I'm sorry. I'm can't believe he's gone.

I'm so sorry.

Hey, the door was open.

Is there anything I can do?

I understand. I'll catch you later.

Wait, no, Captain, I'm sorry.

This must be harder on you than anybody. Please come in.

Thanks.

Oh, pretty flowers.

So, have they found his...

No, not yet.

The Coast Guard says they might never find him.

You know, it just depends on the currents. Yep.

It's just that I'm planning the service, and it's just hard without closure.

I appreciate that.

I, uh...

Randy told me that you rented out the Legion of Honor.

Yeah.

And he also said that you took out a loan to cover the costs?

Yeah, that's right. It's just...

I don't think you need to be so extravagant.

You don't, huh?

No. In fact, I remember once Monk told me,

he said that if anything ever happened to him,

he wouldn't want anybody to go into debt.

I cannot believe you're saying that! He was your friend.

Nat, I'm just... I'm just trying to honor what he...

No, no, no, no, no! He loved you.

I mean he really loved you, and you sit here and...

I changed my mind. I want you out of here.

I'm going to ask you to leave.

Please!

Natalie, you don't understand.

Yeah, I don't. I'm sorry, Captain. Goodbye.

What's the problem?

Rodriguez, how many times have I told you it doesn't have to be perfect, hombre?

You don't have to clean the inside of a cigarette lighter.

Nobody cares about the inside of a damn cigarette lighter!

Put it down!

Rodriguez, the faster we work, the more money we make.

Fast, more money. Slow, less money.

Good.

Fifty-five, you're all set!

Look, Rodriguez, it's not that complicated.

Even you can understand. We get paid per car. Get it?

Per car.

Larry, Larry, relax. You're going to have another stroke.

This guy's the best rag man I've ever seen.

Look at that car. It's better than new. It's like a diamond.

When the owner sees it,

he's going to love it, he's going to tell all his friends.

He's going to be a customer for life.

Well, it's about frigging time.

I've been waiting over there 20 minutes.

You won't be seeing me again.

Have a nice day.

Rodriguez, I'm warning you!

I'm warning you!

Hello? One minute.

Mr. Rodriguez?

Just a minute.

Hello? I'm sorry to bother you.

You were asking about room number 10. You wanted to switch?

Yeah.

My father said 10 will be available on Sunday,

but you understand it's basically the same room, just a different number?

Right, I understand.

Shh.

Be a good girl. I'm sorry.

She's just a puppy. We're still teaching her.

She's not on a leash. Where's her leash? She should have a leash.

Oh, no, she has a special collar actually, a shock collar.

My father put a wire around the motel.

It's like an invisible fence.

If she wanders too far, she gets a little zap.

Yeah, I know how she feels.

Oh, here.

What's all this?

It's just research. I'm writing a story.

Oh, you write about criminals? Like mysteries?

Well... You know what you should write about,

you should write about this.

It actually just happened two miles from here.

A highway worker was killed. Really? Yeah?

Yeah, it's a real-life mystery with real clues and everything.

Uh-huh.

Yeah, it was a hit-and-run, actually. They're looking for a silver SUV.

Yeah. I can leave it if you want.

No, no, that's okay. You can take it. Take...

Well, I'll let you get back to your work. Good night, Mr. Rodriguez.

Good night.

Eureka? What are you doing? Come on, Eureka. Let's go.

Eureka.

He's over here. I think it might be your boy.

Male Caucasian, late 40s, 5'11".

Yeah, I read the posting. It said gunshot wound.

Yes, sir. It looks like two to the chest.

The Coast Guard just fished him out of Avalon Bay.

Is that a tattoo?

Yes, sir.

It's not him.

Of course it isn't him. I've been telling you, Monk is alive.

You can't be sure.

That's true. I can't.

You can! He's out there! He's somewhere. Find him!

Does everybody have them? You have yours? Yeah.

Good.

Hey, Captain. Hey.

You okay?

Yeah, I'm fine. Why wouldn't I be fine?

No reason. Rollins is still in the office.

The guys are wearing these for Monk.

We weren't sure if you wanted to wear it.

Of course I do, Randy.

Well, thank you.

Two? For the other arm.

Right. To make it even. Make them even.

Monk.

Hello, Sheriff Rollins.

Make yourself at home.

You read the paper today?

I did. I read the sports page. I did the jumble.

No, not the jumble. This. Page five.

Male, Caucasian, 5'11", late 40s.

Is it Monk? No. It's not Monk.

I was at the morgue last night.

Guy had a tattoo and red hair.

I thought it was strange.

What was strange?

Well, I'll tell you what was strange.

You weren't there.

Bulletin was sent in. It was in the daily log. You must have read it.

You guys won't mind if I hang around a few more days,

see if anything else washes up.

Knock yourself out. We can use all the help we can get.

We all got to suffer.

Yeah.

I'll see you boys around the campus.

Bye-bye.

What?

It's a good question. Why didn't you check it out?

Because I was busy. I was turning over rocks.

Trying to get a bead on that son of a bitch.

He just bought a second house in Catalina.

And a new BMW. And look at this.

He's got two offshore bank accounts.

On a sheriff's salary.

Randy, this guy is dirty. I can smell him.

What is it?

This one's been repainted recently.

It used to be silver.

They're looking for a silver SUV.

You okay?

What are you doing?

Man, at least make it look like you're working.

I need you to look under the car.

What?

Just behind this fender.

Inside, tell me what you see. Check the axle.

You're going to get us both fired.

Right-right behind this rubber.

What is this?

A highway worker was killed.

So these were going to go to his brother, Ambrose's house,

and those will go to my garage.

All these books, what was he, a professor?

No, a detective. An amazing detective.

He could look at a room or a person and see things that nobody else could see.

Like the car wash guy.

Yeah.

What car wash guy?

The guy in Nevada. I was just reading about him.

Here, it's in today's paper.

They call him the Car Wash Columbo.

He solved a big hit-and-run case single handedly.

Yeah. Sounds like a real character.

His boss says it takes him a whole hour to wipe down every car.

He won't even use the same rag twice.

Can I see that?

Yeah.

There's no picture.

I guess he's modest, too.

Leland Rodriguez.

His name is Leland?

Captain Stottlemeyer, where is he?

I don't know. Where is he?

It's not mine.

Well, it matches the set in your mother's kitchen. How do you explain that?

Well, my mom's not the only one who has that...

I have to talk to you! Natalie, what are you doing?

Is this him? It's him, isn't it? He's the Car Wash Columbo!

Car Wash Columbo. Reginald, we need to take a break.

Cool. I'll wait outside.

Nice try, kid.

Jackson, could you babysit my young friend here for a minute?

This way.

Go on.

Shh.

It's him, isn't it?

Oh, my God!

Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

Why didn't you tell me? Natalie! Natalie! Natalie! Natalie!

I am so sorry.

You're sorry?

But how?

Bulletproof vest. We couldn't tell anybody.

Leland Rodriguez. That's his name.

Well, that's just stupid.

What's he doing in Nevada?

He's supposed to be avoiding attention, staying off the radar.

He's all alone?

Natalie, you can't tell anybody.

You can't tell Randy, you can't even tell Julie.

Randy doesn't know?

No. I'm trying to protect him.

From what? I'm not sure.

There's something going on here.

That Sheriff Rollins, he framed Monk for shooting the six fingered man.

You were there.

They were going to send Monk away forever.

And it's not just Rollins. Rollins is working for somebody.

Maybe somebody in the Governor's office.

Oh, my God. It might go higher than that. I'm not sure.

I'm still working on it. I just need a little more time.

I have to see him. Natalie, no.

Leave him alone. He's safe where he is.

You have to promise me you're not going to do anything. Promise me.

Okay. Okay, I promise.

Make me happy.

She's on the move. Looks like a real road trip.

Took her daughter to a neighbor's, packed a suitcase.

Stay with her. She'll lead you right to him.

What do I do when I find him?

Do you really have to ask?

No, sir. I do not.

Trudy, Trudy, Trudy...

Okay, I'm going to just give you a little head's up before the service.

Uh-huh. It's kind of a protest song.

It's going to be pretty controversial, especially the 10th verse

where I talk about the actual shooting.

I mean, I don't mention you by name. I just call you the man.

The 10th verse? Randy, how many verses are there in the total?

Fourteen so far, and a bridge.

Good.

Okay.

Why?

Tell me why

did a good man have to die?

Shot down in his prime

Forty eight

Or 49

Why?

Tell me why did a good man

Randy.

Have to die

Randy, he's not dead.

We faked it.

Monk jumped off the pier.

He was wearing a bulletproof vest.

He's alive?

He's alive.

Yeah. He's in hiding until we figure out what the hell's going on.

I can't believe it.

You okay?

Yeah...

I'm thrilled. Yeah. Yeah. I just...

You look disappointed.

It's just, this is the best song I ever wrote.

Oh.

Well, save it.

It's a great song. He's going to die one day.

Yeah. But you're not going to shoot him.

You never know.

Hey, Sherlock Holmes, you know how to lock up, right?

Make sure you put the rags in the washing machine.

Don't clean the washing machine.

Just put the rags in the washing machine.

Understand?

See you ma�ana.

Mr. Monk, I know it's you.

What's with the wipe? Why would I need a...

Oh, God. Oh, God, why didn't you tell me?

To protect you. We thought Rollins might be watching you.

Oh, that's ridiculous. Why would Rollins...

Adrian, don't move a muscle. Show me your hands. You, too, Miss Teeger.

You're knee deep in it now, buddy.

You're the one that's in trouble.

We know all about how you set Mr. Monk up and switched the gun barrels.

If anybody's going to prison, it is you!

Thanks for stopping by, Natalie.

Let me tell you about the real world, Natalie.

It's never about what happened.

It's always, "Can you prove what happened?"

All right, Adrian, we've done this before. On the ground, face down.

What was that?

It was supposed to go faster.

This way!

This way.

Come on out, buddy.

Don't make me do something I'm not going to regret.

Okay. MONK: Right here.

Okay.

You, too, Natalie. Aiding and abetting.

I got to call the big man. He's not paying me enough for this crap.

The big man? This way.

Here.

Over there.

Okay.

Oh! Oh!

What are you doing?

We're taking his car, so he can't follow us. Come on!

Go! Go! Go! Go!

Here!

You got anything else? Any pay stubs?

No. No pay stub. I have a birthday card and an unpaid electrical bill.

Wait.

Hey, there's a check for $10,000

made out to Angel County Children's Center.

Angel County Children's Center?

No such animal. Okay, that check is dirty. Who wrote it?

The Xanadu Corporation.

Xanadu Corporation. No. "X."

Xanadu. "A division of the Orpheum Investment Group."

Which is controlled by the Blue Danube Foundation.

Blue Danube Foundation?

Which is owned by...

Oh, my God!

Who's Dale Biederbeck?

Not too hard. The new skin is the most tender.

Mmm!

That's it. Right there. I dreamt about you last night.

Do you ever dream about me?

Sometimes.

I wonder if we're having the same dream.

I doubt it.

Biederbeck.

You have a visitor. You got 10 minutes.

The eager Miss Teeger. You took a big chance coming here.

The photos I've seen don't do you justice.

Althena, we'll have to continue this tomorrow. Remember where we left off.

Do you mind? Watching Althena walk away is the only exercise I get!

You get a manicure every day? A computer? Your own telephone?

Doesn't look like you're suffering.

Believe me, Natalie, I suffer.

Remember the day you got the news about Mitch? That's where I live.

How do you know about... About your dead husband?

You work for Adrian Monk, Natalie.

That makes you and your family my business.

Is that the Governor?

I'm a big fan.

Didn't he just refuse to commute your sentence?

Turn it off, please.

Turn what off? The video recorder in your purse.

I won't be confessing to anything today, Natalie.

We don't have to play games. I know Adrian Monk is alive.

I never believed his oldest friend Leland Stottlemeyer would actually shoot him.

Did you?

Really?

To tell the truth, I'm so relieved.

I don't want Monk dead.

Ever since he put me here, my dream has been to trade places with the man.

I want Monk here!

In this hellhole rotting away slowly, slowly, slowly.

What about Sheriff Rollins? What about him?

We know he's on your payroll. Is he really?

He used to work here as a prison guard. Is that where you met him?

And we know you hired Frank Nunn. You brought him back from South America.

You're planning something.

Whatever it is, Mr. Biederbeck, you can forget about it.

It's not going to happen.

I'm afraid you're too late, Natalie. Wheels are in motion.

It was nice meeting you. Wait, wait, wait, wait.

Before you go, turn on your little machine,

I want to say hello to your boss.

Hello, Adrian.

How's my favorite desperado?

So nice meeting Natalie. We had a wonderful chat.

She hardly seemed repulsed by me at all.

In fact, I think I might offer her a job when you're in here

and I'm out there.

He kept saying that. He kept talking about trading places with you.

He thinks he's getting out.

Well, if he's thinking of squeezing through the bars, he's got 400 pounds to go.

What is that behind him?

I knew you were going to ask me that, that's why I zoomed in.

It's a computer. It's a weather report.

Riverton, California.

Riverton?

Don't screw with me, man! I held up my end. I just got back from Riverton.

It's all set up. We're good to go.

Riverton!

The Governor?

They're going to kill him.

Where is he? Do you see him?

Where is he?

Mr. Biederbeck. Can you talk?

You're missing a beautiful parade. Lots of balloons.

I was hoping for some fireworks.

They're saving that for the end.

Here! Here! Hey! Hey!

Excuse me! Excuse me! This man is a detective.

No, former detective. You have to stop the parade!

We think there's a bomb in the Governor's car.

It's Dale Biederbeck. Dale The Whale. Have you heard of him?

It's okay. I didn't either.

He's a killer. He's in San Quentin.

He's been serving two consecutive life terms.

The Governor refused to commute his sentence, but the Lieutenant Governor will.

He's got the Lieutenant Governor in his pocket.

That's what this whole thing has been about.

If he kills the Governor, he gets out of jail.

They hired a hit man named Frank Nunn.

He had six fingers. It doesn't matter.

Yeah, see, Nunn was here in Riverton a week ago.

We think he planted a bomb in the Governor's car.

They didn't need him anymore. Nunn was a loose end, so they killed him.

It was a two-fer. They killed Nunn and they tried to frame me for it.

Biederbeck hates me. He wants to trade places with me.

Where is he?

There he is! Go! Go!

See that guy? He's wanted for murder. Get your men and get after him. Now!

Let's go!

How is he going to do it? Remote control?

No. No, no. They would have set it off already.

It must be on some kind of timer or...

What is it? What's wrong, boy?

Eureka.

Excuse me?

Natalie, I just solved the case. Eureka?

No, no, no, no. I mean Eureka the dog.

She was wearing one of those shock collars with a little receiver.

Look. There. There's a battery.

It's wired to a transmitter that runs through that banner.

The bomb must be hooked to one of those dog collars.

Oh, my God, so when the car goes by the banner...

Hey, stop this parade! Captain Leland Stottlemeyer, SFPD. Stop the parade!

The Governor's in danger! Okay!

Stop this parade!

Will you people stop?

Stop! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey!

Hold up! Will you people stop?

Natalie, what are you doing?

I'm a police officer. Stop the parade.

I need you people to stop the parade now!

Stop this parade!

Nat, Natalie, what are you doing?

What's wrong with you? Stop the parade!

No! No! ROLLINS: Drag her down! Get her down here!

Stop! John Rollins!

It's okay. It's okay. You're under arrest for murder and conspiracy to commit.

We know you're working for Biederbeck! We know you framed Monk.

Hey, you're under arrest. Obstruction of justice, aiding and abetting. Arrest him!

No! Get your hands off me!

I'm a Captain with the San Francisco Police Department! Arrest him!

He's out of his jurisdiction. Arrest him!

Captain, the trigger is in the banner!

Wait, Trudy, no! No!

Wait, stop! Stop! There's a bomb!

There's a bomb!

There's a bomb!

Don't move the vehicle!

There's a bomb, I'm telling you.

Hold on!

Look at this!

Clear these people out of here!

Everybody, clear! Call the bomb squad!

We don't have one. It's in the budget for next year.

I don't think we can wait that long.

Could you take your hands off my friend, please? He's had a long day.

You have the right to remain silent...

Yeah, I know all that stuff. Great.

Let's just get the hell out of here.

Good job. Good job.

Hello, Dale.

Adrian Monk. Why am I not surprised?

I tried to call, but, apparently, your phone's been disconnected.

Yes, I should have done it years ago. Fewer distractions.

I see they took your bed and your computer.

They were cluttering up the room.

You know me, Monk. I've always been a simple man of philosophic joys.

And they're making you eat in the cafeteria now.

That can't be fun.

At least you won't be eating alone.

Your little friend Sheriff Rollins will be joining you soon.

He's talking to the DA right now, telling them everything.

About how you hired Frank Nunn to plant that bomb,

and then killed Nunn and tried to frame me for it.

You might want to save a seat for the Lieutenant Governor, too.

Are you having fun?

No,

but it's as close as I'm ever going to get.

What did you win, Monk?

Nothing!

We're both back where we started.

Not exactly.

The police in Dourados found something in Frank Nunn's apartment.

Some old letters.

He talked about killing Trudy.

He mentioned the man who hired him.

You have a name.

Yeah, not quite.

Nunn called him The Judge.

The Judge?

I can't help you, Adrian.

You can't? Or won't?

A little lead. How exciting.

That should keep you off the street for a while.

The important thing is that you're off the street.

Do you really think these bars can hold me?

Yeah. They seem pretty strong.

Have a good life, Dale.

It's true, Adrian Monk, I'm in prison!

But you're in a worse prison! You're trapped!

Trapped by your own demons! You're in your own private hell!

I wouldn't trade places with you for a billion dollars!

I mean, another billion dollars!

You hear me? Come back here! I'm not done!

Oh, yes, you are.