All language subtitles for Eureka S05E04 Friendly Fire-eng

CARTER: It was launch day in Eureka. Black
holes started popping up all over town.

WOMAN: No! That sucks.

CARTER: But as soon as we
solved that problem, things got worse.

Someone else is controlling
this launch.

CARTER: Beverly barlowe and the consortium
had kidnapped the crew of the astraeus

and put them in a computer matrix
Eureka to steal their genius ideas.

Like creating a particle netting
gun to slay a fake dragon.

The crew believed that four years
had passed and a lot had changed.

Carter stole my girlfriend.

The computer versions of Jo and
me were raising Allison's kids together.

And all the virtual characters
were programmed

to hide the truth
from the kidnapped crew.

I don't think that this
relationship is going to work out.

CARTER: No matter what the cost.

I'm so sorry you said that.

BEVERLY: You're killing her.

CARTER:
Senator wen was behind it all.

What? So, I wasjacked
in to get the crew out.

Which got a little awkward with fake Jo
and me. But we took the program down.

We broke the matrix.

And we got everyone out.

But adjusting to reality
won't be so easy.

Holly must be worried sick.

And for some, life
will never be the same.

You could at least let me help.

Seriously, I am hungry.
Well, I...

Hey. Perfection...

Takes time.

KEVIN: He knows I have school
today, right?

Actually, you don't. I talked to your teachers
and told them you weren't coming in today.

Another ditch day? Sweet!

I thought we could hang out
as a family.

Hey, can we go
to copernicus park, please?

Yes. But you are not getting
me on that skateboard again.

Chicken.

(Laughs)

Morning. Hey.

(Pancake splatters)

And that's why you don't cook.

Actually,
that's why you don't cook.

KEVIN: Hey, we're going to
the park today. You coming?

Oh, I, you...

You know what? I can't.
I've got to head over to cd.

There's some stuff
that I've got to take care of.

But... next time.

And you're going to,
you're going to need this.

See you.

(Toaster beeping)

Wow. Hey, Sarah? You okay?

SARAH: My apologies, sheriff. I'm
experiencing some minor rf interference.

I'll run diagnostics.

Something wrong with my girl?

No, she's just a little
glitchy this morning.

Oh, rf interference again?

She was a little glitchy
last night, too.

I really don't need
to know that.

She's probably just
a little stressed.

It's not every day you find
out you were an evil ai

overseer in an alternate Eureka.

Yeah. Okay.

It's getting crowded
around here.

Yeah. No, I'll talk to him.

Who wants cereal?

I'll get the bowls.

Whatever you do,
don't ask me if I'm okay.

It's all I've been
hearing for days.

You're late.

Thank you.

For what?

Your appointment
at the bereavement lab.

Who's the idiot that made these
counseling sessions mandatory?

(Clears throat)

Right. Section
three, end of the hall.

(Door closes)

(People chatting indistinctly)

Oh, a little to the left.

Perfect.

Wow.

This place looks great.

Missed you last night.

I know. And I'm sorry.

I was overseeing the transfer of
the equipment that we received

from wen's neural
networking facility.

You should let somebody
else do that.

I mean, you're not even
cleared for duty, yet.

I know, it's my ship and my crew
and I owe it to them to see this through.

You're okay, though.
Yes. Yes. Of course!

I mean, it's nice to be home.

And...

Vincent, are you excited
about the party later?

Are you kidding? I have
been waiting a month for this.

And a grand re-opening celebration is
exactly what the town needs right now.

Agreed. Oh. Here.

Try this.

Pizza?
No, it's nine in the morning.

I know. I know. I'm testing
settings on my new oven.

It's wood-burning
and completely carbon neutral.

Ha! Old school, I like it!

I wish I could, but I really
should get back to the office.

So, I'll see you later?

I hope so.

Give her some time.

We don't know what
they went through in there.

Thanks, Vincent.

Seriously?

GRIEF TECH 1: Bunny therapy
has been rigorously tested.

It's proven beneficial
in 64 percent of trauma cases.

We tried it with kittens,
but there were injuries.

GRIEF TECH 1: But don't worry.
The bunnies are harmless.

We offer a number of different treatment
options. Perhaps we can interest...

I showed up. So, just send
your stupid report to the dod.

And let's call it a day.

You're grieving, director.
Don't walk this path alone.

If you let us, we can help.

I'm not doing it.

I don't want to talk about it or be
hypnotized or pet horny bunnies.

So, unless one of you has some
sort of magic pill that can fast-track me

through the stages of grief,
I'm out of here.

What?

Well, it's not a pill.

Exactly.

You think I care
about jurisdiction?

She brain-napped 21
of our people.

Yes, I know that
she is a senator.

But that doesn't make
her any less of a...

Yeah, well, you should know that
we are not going to give up, either.

Thank you, sir.

The d.O.D. Wants us to butt out of
the hunt for wen and Beverly barlowe.

They know that's not going
to happen, right?

Yeah. They do now.

(Sighs) You would think
I was gone a year.

I've got thousands of unread
emails, dozens of reports

and personnel transfers
to go through. It...

It reminds me why I left.

Your walkabout
didn't do the trick, huh?

It was kind of interrupted.

Oh, sorry about that.

Hmm. Yeah, well...

You know I would have been
pissed if you didn't call, right?

Yeah.

There's something I want
to talk to you about.

Yeah, don't worry.
I'm moving out.

I saw the look on
Allison's face this morning.

Well, it's not that we
don't want you there.

No. It's just that
you don't want me there.

You guys are trying
to start a family and, and...

You know, five's a crowd.

Is that why you've been
acting so weird lately?

I haven't been acting weird.
No, not at all.

Where are you going to stay?

Well, my house is
almost ready again.

I'll finally move in there.
You know if, if I decide to stay.

You're thinking of leaving?

D.d. Offered me
my job back, but,

I haven't said yes.

What about Zane?
Hey, go easy on the guy.

The matrix was,
did a number on his head.

Yeah, um...

What happened
with you two in there?

Nothing.

It seem like he sure is pissed
at you about something, and...

(Beeping) Sorry.

Yeah.

This is the last thing I need.

This is so not okay.

Finally!

Would you please tell Mr. Donovan
that this is a research facility,

not a storage locker?

We're cataloging all the
recovered equipment

from the neural networking lab.

I've got orders signed
by the director himself.

Oh, please. The director
just lost his girlfriend.

He would sign anything you put in
front of him. Even a self-destruct order.

Hey, that's enough.

Oh, wow. This is cool.
What is it?

It's a particle netting gun. I
designed that in virtual Eureka.

Wen used the blueprints and a 3D printer,
I guess, to make a functional model.

You actually slayed
a dragon with that.

Hmm.

Well, the other you did.

Okay, seriously. What
are you guys not telling me?

Nothing. Nothing.

Parrish, where are you
going with that?

This stuff does not belong here.

Hey! Guys, knock it off!

(Both grunting)

Oh, great!

Relax! It's just ifire.
I've got it under control.

At least some things
are back to normal.

Initiate fire protocol Alpha.

I don't know what just happened.

You're an idiot.
That's what just happened.

What was that thing? It's ifire.

It's an advanced
fire-fighting technology.

It seeks out the energy from heat
sources and then dissipates it in seconds.

So, fight fire with fire?
Except it's not fire.

It's actually a series of programmable
nanobots that operate on a unique frequency

that I can control
with this remote.

Okay. But it's a fire stopper,
not a fire starter.

Well, I've actually been playing
around with the programming

to see if it can produce
heat as well as absorb it.

You know, like for controlled
burns. Which means...

Fire starter. Oh, awesome.

Hey, come on! I mean,
it worked fine until today.

Well, what would make it
go haywire? I don't know.

Frequency interference, maybe? I
mean, it doesn't act without instruction.

So, it must have gotten
a signal from somewhere.

We can track it
with g.D.'S internal sensors.

No, that won't work. It generates a
negligible amount of heat on its own.

It won't show up on any sensors.

So, we have a fireball on the loose
and no way to track it, that's great.

Actually,
I prefer the term firefly.

Its mobility is its
defining characteristic.

Oh. Oh, good.

I'm very impressed.

This is the best idea
you've ever had.

Aside from all the times you
saved the town from annihilation.

Looking good!

Can you do a pop shove-it?

Piece of cake.

How do you know this stuff?

My nephew skates competitively.

Well, at least, he used to
until he broke his ankle.

Great, that's very comforting.
Thank you. Thank you.

Sorry.

Hey, Kevin! Can you come take
Jenna on the swing for a sec?

Carter told me I could find
you here. I hope you don't mind.

Oh, of course not.
What's going on?

Hi. Thanks.

Henry?

Yeah. You know, it's not just
him. I mean, it's everything.

I guess I'm having a little bit of a
harder time readjusting than I expected.

(Sighs) I know what you mean.
I feel we've been gone a year.

Or four.

(Chuckles)

You really need to talk to him.

And tell him what?

I sort of killed you? But you were trying
to kill me, so you totally had it coming?

That wasn't your Henry. I know.

And logically, I understand.

But we didn't just witness
this alternate reality.

We lived it.

Emotionally, I'm having a hard
time telling them apart.

Try living with your
boyfriend's matrix girlfriend.

That has got to be weird.

Yeah, weird doesn't
quite cut it.

But you have nothing to worry about
because Jack never looked at Jo that way.

Well, maybe not before. But now,
after he's seen what we've seen?

How could he not?

(Cell phone ringing)

They're recalling all medical
personnel back to cd.

Some sort of fireball
on the loose.

Welcome home. No kidding.

Kevin. Come on. We've got to go.

Here, fireball.

Here, fireball, fireball.

Where are you?

See anything?

(Glass breaking) (Guns cocking)

CHEM TECH: (Screams) What?

Ugh. Oh.

Sorry about that.

Is it gone?

Uh... we think so.
Yeah, what happened?

Everyone ran. That's what
happened. Totally abandoned me.

Left me to die.

With the fire?
What happened with the fire?

It extinguished the flames
in our bunsen burners.

And it took out the electrical
panel controlling the lights.

Well, maybe it's
not so dangerous.

(Alarm blaring)

You had to say it.
I know. I know!

Hey, guys.

Oh! Get it! Hey! Hey!

JO: Fargo, is anyone else
on fire? Fargo: Nope.

You okay?

Yeah, fantastic. How are you?
You guys look like ghostbusters.

They do, don't they? What?

Hey, wait! You know, that
was Holly's favorite movie.

Which, by the way, I have been looking for
her everywhere. Have you guys seen her?

Have we seen Holly? Yeah.

Fargo, are you okay?
Yeah, I'm fine.

What? Oh, you mean this? No,
no. It's cool. It was hot, but didn't hurt.

It was actually
kind of exciting.

Is it still in there? No,

it left after
it blew the place up.

Okay. We've got to head
this thing off at the pass.

Yeah, it seems to
be going down level by level.

Parrish said that it's
attracted to heat sources.

What's the bottom level?
The fusion reactor.

Fargo, get to the infirmary!

Hey! Who you going to call?

All right, here we go.
Almost there.

Almost there. Almost there.

In the jar.

Got you!

No, no, no! I almost had it!

How many times do I have
to tell you people? It's not fire!

COMPUTER:
Core meltdown imminent.

The reactor's overheating.
Shut it down!

Stop!

Stop!

Where do those vents go?

(Computer beeping)

Outside.

Perfect.

Okay, g.D. Is safe.
But we need to alert the town.

If these things are looking for energy
sources, we need to minimize outputs.

Already done, Andy's coordinating
the shutdown of all heat sources.

Well, how do we track the fireflies
if they don't register on sensors?

We may not be able to see them,
but we can guess where they're going.

We can trace
heat signatures via infrared.

Yeah, they'll go after the
most powerful sources first.

I don't think everyone
got the memo, sheriff.

Seriously, is that a joke?

What's your problem? You!

You're my problem. You're
everyone's problem. This is all yourfault.

If it wasn't for your incompetence,
none of this would have happened.

I mean, the big surprise.
Right, guys?

Another Isaac Parrish
experiment failed. Must be Tuesday.

Fargo. What?

What's with you? An hour ago, you're
making jokes. Now, you're a raving lunatic.

Oh, you want to see a Luna...

Mmm-mmm.

What did you do? Fargo!

I didn't know you smoked.
I don't, you idiot.

It's a trauma patch.

I got it from the guys
in the bereavement lab.

It's helping me cope
with my grief.

Oh, yeah.
You are coping, all right.

Anger!

You're in the anger phase.
Before, you were in, what? Denial?

Cheating the stages of grief?

Oh. Congratulations! One
step behind Carter, as always.

Hey. It is not worth it.

You're right.
Fireball on the loose.

Actually, it's not a fireball.
It's a...

BOTH: We know! Yes. We know.

So, how do we trap these things?

I'm thinking high voltage
plasma generators.

We can use them
to lure the fireballs...

Fireflies away from town. Okay.

I will rig up a second remote
and we can use it to control them

when they get within range.

How do we know the remote
will work? It didn't last time.

That's because
there was signal interference.

From what? Look.

All I know is everything was working fine
until he started trucking all his junk in here.

It's possible that the equipment was
radiating some sort of energy signature.

I haven't even had time
to examine it, yet.

But the remotes will work when
we get them outside of g.D. Right?

Yeah. Theoretically.

I hate that word.

All right, let's pair up. Get
this thing done. Do you...

I mean, I didn't mean,
like, pair up...

I mean, I wasn't necessarily
putting you... there's more...

Safety in numbers.
Yeah. Yeah. For...

So, this is weird. Yep.

I'm going to call
in Henry for backup.

Come on.

You haven't told her, have you?

It's not important.

No, you're right. Staring at
her and acting all creepy?

Much better plan.

Hey, Carter...
I mean Jack. Sorry.

Still getting used to it again.

Okay. Where are you? Just dropped
the kids off and I'm heading your way.

Turn around.

What? Why?

We have two fireballs headed into
town. They're going after heat sources.

What?

Yeah, I think I just found one.

Allie, get out of there.
Working on it.

Allie, what's going on?

It's following me.

It's going
after the combustion engine.

What's it going to do
when it finds it?

I don't know. Well, I'm
not waiting to find out.

(Brakes screeching)

Allie?

Allie, what's happening?

It's okay. I'm okay.

It's on the move.
Oh. I'm coming to get you.

No, no, no. I'm fine. I'll call Andy,
he'll give me a ride to the smart house.

You just need to stop this
thing before it gets out of hand.

ANDY: All of Eureka
is powering down.

I am not canceling the party.

We're not asking you to. We
just need you to turn off the ovens.

Then, what am
I supposed to serve?

Have you considered
an ice cream social?

(Phone ringing)

What is that noise?

That's me.
Excuse me for a minute.

Go for Andy.

Hello, Dr. Blake.
How can I be of service?

(Machine powering up)

I think it's ready.

And now, we wait. Hmm.

Mind if I ask you something?

I don't know any more than you
about what happened in the matrix.

So, I'm not the only one.

Been feeling like you're
on the outside looking in?

Yeah. Why won't they just
tell us whatever it is?

All I know is that Carter
won't look me in the eye,

Zane is pissed off
at him for something,

and Allison wants me
out of the house.

Every time I try asking grace, she
just won't let me get close enough.

Yeah, I heard that we
were bad in the matrix, but...

How bad were we, really?

Hey.

We're on.

HENRY: Now, just wait
until it gets closer.

Now!

Did that seem
just a little too easy?

(Grunting)

I got it.

Oh, enough.

Stop acting like
I stole your girlfriend.

Well, you did. Sort of.

No, I didn't, actually.

So, you didn't kiss her?

I was playing a part.

You didn't see her naked?

Oh, what are you, six?

Zane, I'm in love with Allison.

Well, the other Carter was
with Allison, too.

But as soon as she was out of
the picture... none of that is real.

Beverly didn't just make
the stuff up. Yes, she did.

I looked at the neural
network's operating system.

She used a probability
algorithm based on who we are

and what we'd do given a
certain set of circumstances.

You realize I have no idea
what that means, right?

It means if you'd never rescued us,
you'd end up with Jo, is what it means.

Oh, that's ridiculous.

See? Now, you're thinking
about it. No, I'm not. It's actually...

(Faint buzzing) Shh.

It's not working.

It's not working.
Give me that. Give me.

No. Here.

It's not working.

You think it's dead?

I'm thinking no.

We're not going to make it.

We're going to be fine. We just need
to figure out more reliable way to trap it.

What's the point?

If this doesn't destroy us,
some other disaster will.

It's inevitable.

What's with Fargo? Depression
stage. I'll explain later.

It's fate.
All these crazy experiments.

It was bound to end
at some point.

I think we make
our own fate, Fargo.

You're adorable.

But wrong.

Everything is predetermined.
Just like you and Jo.

What's he talking about?
Nothing.

You and Carter were doing it
in the matrix.

What?

Yes. But let's talk
about that later. Huh?

Huh? Yeah. Uh-huh.

It's going to be okay, buddy.

You promise? Yeah, I promise.

Would somebody tell me
what's going on? Our trap failed.

That's what's going on.

Okay. I don't understand why
ours worked and theirs didn't.

We were using the secondary
remote. Now, if Parrish is right,

that the signal interference was coming
from the neural networking equipment,

then the primary remote
must be permanently damaged.

I'll need to test both
to be sure.

I don't get it. Half the
time it puts out fires,

and the other half,
it blows stuff up.

It's like
it can't make up its mind.

All right. If I was a schizophrenic
fireball, where would I be?

Whoa.

Everything should be
powered down by now.

Where is that?

That's my house!

See? You can crash into other
cars like this. Here, press this button.

Yeah. Okay, you try.

Just...

(Phone beeping)

Hey, mom. What's up?

What is that noise?

Oh, I'm giving Jenna driving
lessons on the Xbox.

You're what?

Relax. It's just a racing game.

There's minimal carnage.

No. I mean,
why is the power still on?

Sarah didn't
shut off the reactor?

What for?
He didn't get the message.

The rf interference. Sarah's
glitches must be getting worse.

Kevin, listen to me. You and Jenna
have to get out of the house right now.

Mom, what's going on?

Honey, just do it.

All right.

Sarah, open the door.

Sarah, open the door.

Mom, we're stuck, all right?
Sarah won't open the door.

I tried the manual override
and everything.

I need you to unplug everything.

Shut off the lights, electronics,
anything that generates heat

or uses energy.
We're on our way.

All right.

Kevin's still not answering.
Yeah.

Sarah, open up.

Mom, is that you? Carter:
What? No. It's me, Jack.

Can you open the door
from the inside?

No, I tried. There's
something wrong with Sarah.

Okay. Just hang tight.
Okay, pal?

Okay. I'm going to shut off
the rest of the lights.

What's wrong? You can't get in?

Sarah's on lockdown.

Did you try overriding
her circuits? Did...

Right.

Okay. You guys start opening
from down here. We'll try the skylight.

Okay, okay.

(Groaning)

(Machines powering down)

Quick.

Kev! Steer clear!

I just need one more minute.

We don't have that long.

What?

Back. Okay.

(Gunshot)

Carter?

Jo, stay there! I might
need you to pull them up.

Kev!

Jack, is that you?

Kev!

Argh! Kev!

Kev!

Jack!

(Groaning)

(Groaning)

KEVIN: Jack!

Carter, talk to me!

KEVIN: I think he's hurt!

Carter!

Carter!

Protective uniform, I'm good!
Oh, god.

The kids.

Jo, we're in here.

Okay. Come on. Okay.

(Smoke detector beeping)

What now?

We got it.

Oh! Oh, my god.

Jack! Jack, the door!

Where's Jenna?

Oh, baby.

Thank you. Thank you.

Okay, come on.
Let's go. Come on.

She'll be okay.

Yeah.

You hear that?

I don't hear anything. Exactly.

Is it gone?

You stay here.

Sarah?

Are you okay?

The spectrum analyzer should tell us what kind
of signal is radiating from this equipment.

I told you that this stuff
was trouble.

Maybe we should just bow down to our
new fireball overlords while we still can.

Maybe they'll spare us.

HENRY: I'm not getting anything.
ZANE: Nothing?

Well, then, what's
causing the interference?

I don't get it.

Well, something was interfering
with the signal from my remote.

(Machine buzzes) (Shrieks)

What was that?

(Machine ticks slowly)

(Machine ticks quickly) Whoa!

What are you doing?
Hmm. That's odd.

(Machine ticking very quickly)
Hmm.

It's you.

It's all clear, boss.

I don't understand.
All the activity had stopped.

You guys okay?
We just saw it fly away.

Kev, what were you doing
before I got here?

Nothing. I was just unplugging
everything like mom said.

There was no sparks, no flames.

What is it, boss?

It's me.

It's us?

We're the interference?

Everyone who was connected
to the neural network.

Our eeg's show the presence of biphasic
delta waves, also known as zeta waves.

They're concentrated in
the left frontotemporal lobe.

It's abnormal
brainwave activity.

But, what,
we're emitting radio signals?

In a way, connecting
to the neural network,

somehow disrupted our
brains' normal electrical activity.

Yeah, it makes sense.

Whenever one of us was around,
the ifire's programming went haywire.

Instead of sucking energy from
heat sources, it ignited them.

You know the rf interference
that Sarah's been experiencing?

Oh, that's us, too?
More than likely.

So, this zeta wave thing, is
it permanent? I don't know.

We're going to have to run
more tests. Do you guys feel that?

The z waves. They're
taking over. My vision is blurry,

I can't see straight,
my pulse is racing...

Your blood work indicates high
levels of dopamine and adrenaline.

Until we know more about how these
brainwaves affect neurological functions...

No more grief cheating.

Whatever's going on with us is going
to have to wait. We've got bigger issues.

Right.
But I checked the infrared.

There aren't anymore heat
sources left to attract the fireball.

They've all been shut down.
ALLISON: Not all of them.

We radiate heat, as well.
Oh, 98.6 degrees. Right?

Thank you, Jack.

Well, the ifire acts normally
around non-matrix people, right?

So, maybe if we just wrangle
the astraeus crew all in one place...

Well, they already are.

Excuse me.

Hey. You're sure
it's safe in here.

Are you kidding? There's no
place safer. Everything's turned off.

And besides,
I heard Lupo caught the thing.

Yeah, okay.

CARTER: This is
going to work, right?

Between the generator and the
Jeep's engine, you make the perfect bait.

You just need to lure it far
enough away from main street.

CARTER: Sure! Anything else?

ZANE: We”, feel free to
come up with a better plan.

Get... your... plan b!

Plan b!

Down!

Thanks for the save.

It's kind of my job.

Yeah.

I hope you keep it.

I've been staring at this data for hours,
and I still can't make heads or tails of it.

Well, the big question is whether
it's just harmless residual activity

from when we were connected...

Or is it the first sign
of a larger problem?

Well, you know, either way, we
are not going to solve it tonight.

You're right.

You know what? You should,
uh, go home. Be with your kids.

I'll hang out for a bit and run a
differential analysis on everyone's pet scan.

You know, you can't
avoid him forever.

I know.

Goodnight, honey.

Hey, Henry. Hey,
yourself. Have a good night.

(Sighs)

Are you planning to work
through the night again?

Well, there's just so much going on
and now, with the new zeta waves...

Grace.

I know when
someone is keeping secrets.

I was pretty good at it,
myself, remember?

We need to talk.

I was hoping you'd say that.

Fresh pizza? No, I'm good.

So, are you excited
to be up and running again?

Well, it's not exactly the grand
reopening extravaganza I had in mind.

Yeah, I bet.

Hey, how about some green tea,
please?

Fresh brew coming up.
Thanks, Vince.

Hey. Hey.

So, Jack tells me that you're
planning on leaving town.

Yeah. Yeah, I'm considering it.

Well...

Don't.

If today has taught us anything, it's
how much that you're needed here.

Not just by the town or...
Even Carter.

You ran into a burning
building and saved my kids, Jo.

Don't go.

I saw the look on Zane's face
when he thought he had lost you.

He needs you, too.

All right, I'll catch up
with you back at the lab.

Thank you, Vincent.
There you go.

Evening, ladies.
What can I get for you?

I'm thinking ice cream.

Very funny.

Surprise me. Okay.

Look...

If I've been a jerk
the last few days...

Hey. Don't apologize to me.
Apologize to him.

Yeah.
That's not going to happen.

You know, this
little jealousy thing is...

Oh, I'm not... it's quite cute.

All right, fine. I'm jealous.
What do you want from me?

I'm just not sure, yet.

Really?

Because you seemed
pretty happy when I got back.

Zane.

You know, I feel like there's
some stuff that I've got to figure out.

You know, maybe I just, maybe
I need a little bit more time.

Well, too bad.

We either figure this thing out
together, or we end it right now.

But all this back and forth is
killing me. I can't do it anymore.

So is that goodbye then, or...

VINCENT: Excuse me.

Enjoy.

Cheaters never win.

That's probably why I am stuck
down in non-lethal weapons

and you are up here in
this big, stupid, ugly office.

She told me that
she wasn't into role-playing.

Well, in her defense, you were
playing the part of an ass-hat.

Touche.

Do you want to play?

Only if I get to be an elf.

Well, that's fine with me.
I'm not a girl.