All language subtitles for Eureka S04E06 Momstrosity-eng

CARTER: It was just
a normal day in Eureka.

Day's not over yet.

Yeah. Like that was
going to last.

Hello, 1947.
Confused? Let me clarify.

The five of us got
transported back in time

through some wormhole thingy
thanks to the Bridge Device.

We eventually found
our way back home,

but, surprise, home wasn't
exactly the way we left it.

Henry? Married.

Zane and Jo? Never dated.

But Jo's in charge
of G.D. Security.

Kevin? Different,
much to Allison's surprise.

And Fargo?
Head of Global Dynamics,

much to everyone's surprise.

Oh, and Dr. Old Spice
hitched a ride with us
back to the present,

but there's one crappy rule.

We can't tell anyone.

If people ever found out
about our trip,
there'd be trouble.

And I finally kissed Allison,
63 years ago.

But that's Eureka for you.
Same town, big changes.

CARTER: Go, go, go!
(EXCLAIMS)

Did we lose her?

(CHUCKLES)

Yeah, man.

(TIRES SCREECHING)

(GRUNTS)

Everybody out!
Everybody out!

CARTER: Jesus!

Go! Go!

(SIGHS)

Carter!

I just found this
perverted little toaster
spying on me in the shower.

Ah, that's Kevin's
homework assignment,
actually.

No, not
the spying part.

This is Eureka's version
of carrying an egg around

to show you know
how to parent.

SARAH:
Actually, Sheriff Carter,

the Emo is
a highly sophisticated
emotional attachment robot

designed to develop
a genuine bond
with its caregiver.

I don't care
what it's for.

It's got video of me
showering embedded
in its little Emo brain.

No doubt for Kevin's
viewing pleasure.

Get rid of it.

(CHUCKLING)
Oh, come on.
He's awfully cute.

For an instrument
of wrongdoing.
I'll talk to Allison.

You called, Sheriff?

Uh, no. Talk to Lupo.

How may I be
of service, Miss Lupo?

Like I haven't had
enough of you robots
this morning.

(SIGHS)

What do you mean,
"you robots"?

SARAH:
Good morning, Deputy Andy.

Hey there, SARAH.
I'm a mite puzzled.

I'm positive
I received a call
from this location.

Perhaps
there's a glitch
in your software.

May I link you to the
Global Dynamics mainframe
computer for a diagnostic?

Gee, that'd be
super, SARAH.

Um, that's not it.

Oops. Beg pardon.

If Kevin sent a robot
to spy on a beautiful girl
in the shower,

I'm guessing
he's curious
about something

he didn't want to discuss
with his mom.

He knows that
he can come to me.
I'm a medical doctor.

No. You're his mom.

But Henry,
Fargo and I are
planning a camping trip.

You think Kevin might
want to tag along?

That sounds
suspiciously
like a reward.

No. I just think
some guy time
might pave the way

or make it easier
for him to talk
about girl stuff.

(CHUCKLES) Girl stuff?

Yeah.

Come on. I want to help.
I've been through this.
Let me help.

Okay. Thanks, Carter.

You're welcome.

Hey, there,
fellow adventure-seeker!

Ready to test your
mettle against
the great unknown?

This is going to be fun.
I'm going to go pack.

Meet you at the
rendezvous point.

Great.

Now while I'm in country,
you'll be acting Director

with all the perks
and privileges.

I've put together
a detailed brief.

Fargo, this was my job
five minutes ago.
I know what to do.

Right.

If anything pops up,
just ask Larry.
He's here to do your bidding.

Actually, I am working
on some tomographic
imaging research,

and I could use
a volunteer.

Great.
Fargo, have you seen

a little robot
around here,
about yay high?

(SIGHS)

(PEOPLE CHATTERING)

Hey, Henry. We're going
to have an addition
to our camping trip.

And a subtraction.
I'm going to...

No.

Yes, yes. I'm going to
stay and help Grace
with a project of hers.

Great.
Well, no, no.

This may be
the strangest thing
I've ever said,

but I am think
I'm falling in love
with my wife.

(BOTH LAUGHING)

That's not even in the top ten
of the strangest things
you've ever said.

And what about you?

What about me?

Well, oh, come on.

I've seen the way
you've been looking
at Allison since we got back.

No, no, no.
You cannot
seriously tell me

you're going to let
Charles Grant sweep her
out from under you.

Of course not.

Then you're gonna...

I'm gonna...

Procrastinate.

Probably. Yes.
Most likely.

As usual.
Yes. Yes.

What is wrong with you?

I... I got a plan.

What?
It's a long-term plan.

How long?

(THUDDING)

(BLEEPING)

So the idea is
to access my
short-term memory?

Exactly.

The retrieval system
could help people
with Alzheimer's

recover lost memories.

Uh-huh.
So what do I have to do?

Just sit there
looking pretty.

Ah, what I do best.

I am going to program
a feeling.

So let's go with
something fun like elation.

Mmm-hmm.

The A.I. System will
access your memories

to find a powerful
association for you.

Hmm.

(LAUGHS)

How'd I do?

(LAUGHS)

That well, huh?

Okay. Okay. Okay.

A few weeks ago

I traveled back in time
and returned to
an alternate reality,

this reality,
to find myself

married to you.

(CHUCKLES)

Okay, Henry, the key
to a good practical joke
lies in its plausibility.

Grace, I'm not joking.

That machine you've
seen me working on
in the garage

is a re-fabrication
of Einstein's Bridge.

Uh, sloppy premise,
Henry.

The Bridge was based
on impossible theories

that never
amounted to anything.

Yes, they didn't
amount to anything
until last month.

I promise you.
I promise you.
It worked.

You're really
going to keep this up.

Founder's Day,

Jack, Allison, Jo,
Fargo and I

were transported
through a wormhole
back to 1947.

We returned
to a reality

almost identical
to the one we'd left.

Almost.

In the reality
that I knew,

you and I had barely met.

Grace, I'm so sorry.
I wanted to tell you
this...

Henry, just stop. Stop.

Grace...

(GRUNTING)

You sure you're okay?

I've been better.

GRACE: There was
a power surge
in the sensors

but my system's
programmed to put
safety above all else.

There must be a flaw
in the A.I. Upgrade.

I guess you can't take
anything for granted
around here anymore.

(BEEPING)

Possible security breach
on loading dock "B."

I'm sure
you two will figure out
what's going on here.

Okay, then.

I'll figure it out
on my own

MAN: So I'm giving Tiny there
a final inspection before
she ships off to NASA,

and I find an unauthorized
stowaway in one of her
internal containment bins.

You have got to be
kidding me.

Mmm-hmm.

So, any questions?
Andy? Andy?

Hmm?

The list of stuff
I just went through.
Any questions?

One, Sheriff.

When first wooing
a woman,

do you find it best to come
bearing flowers, poetry,
or a small pet of some kind?

On second thought,
if anything related to law
comes up, you just call Jo.

Fantastic idea.
I'll do that.

All right.

Hey, forget something?

You can't keep neglecting
your Emo and expect
to get a good grade.

So I'll lower
my expectations.

Come here.

Mom, really?

Help. Please, help.

Okay. I think it's time
that the men folk
got out of town.

Room for one more?

Hi.
Hi.

Allison told me
you're taking Kevin camping.

If there's one or
two things I know,
it's about the great outdoors.

Besides, a weekend away
with the boys
sounds like fun.

That's not really
what I had in mind.

Well, that's a shame.

Well, in that case,
you got any plans
this weekend?

(STUTTERING) Wow.

Look, there seems
to be plenty of room
in Fargo's car.

Why don't you
jump in with him?

All right, you boys,
play nice.

Not likely.

Come on, bud.

(PANTING)

Yeah, this is good.
This is perfect.

GRANT: Tired already?

You should try traversing
the Bavarian mountains
in December, sport.

Now, there's a hike.

FARGO: That's great,
but check this out.

Behold.
The latest in G.D.
Sporting goods technology.

We call it the Mu-tent,
patent pending.

Care for a tour?

Yeah.

Oh, very compe-tent.

ELECTRONIC VOICE:
Hello, Douglas.

Are you enjoying
your camping experience?

Aces, Buffy.

Buffy?

Biomechanical Un-Folding
Fully-automated Yurt.

I just downloaded
her new A.I. This morning.

Man, I could get used to
camping Dr. Fargo-style.

Kevin, this isn't camping.

I call it glamping.

CARTER: No, no, no.
You're going to
thank me, guys.

We're going to camp
the way camping is
supposed to be camped.

That's a lot of...

All right, Grant,
you're up. What's your...

Never mind. Kevin?

You're gonna have to
give up the game thingy.

(SIGHS) Man, what are we
supposed to do out here

so we don't die
of boredom?

Well, only
a million things, Kevin.

We can hunt,
we can fish,

we can hike,
we can climb trees,

or just sit here
and appreciate
the beauty of nature.

Dude.

Or you want to
talk about the stunt
you pulled this morning?

What stunt?
It's okay.

I used to be 13.

You're curious
about the female form

and what it does
to your form...

Dude, stop.

You know, sport,
I'm really with Kevin
on this one.

I think some things
men should discover
for themselves.

I disagree.
I think it's okay
to talk about it.

In fact, I think
you're showing your age.

No. He's showing
he has a pair.

What happened to you, Jack?
You used to be cool.

When'd you turn
into my mom?

Hey, kid, you like fire?

Who doesn't?

Come on.
Let's get out of here.

GRANT: Now, the secret
to a good fire, Kevin,
is dry hands.

ELECTRONIC VOICE:
Neurological mapping
complete.

This is really fascinating.

Larry, any chance
you get frequent headaches?

No. Why?

It's a tumor, isn't it?

No. No.

But I hope you plan
on leaving your body
to science when you go.

A dissection
would do wonders
for neural research.

I'll keep that in mind,
thanks.

Preparing for
brain dissection.

Excuse me?

No. No.
No brain dissection.

I just want
the image enhanced.

Huh?

Computer, abort
brain dissection!

Computer,
release the patient.

Computer, shut down!

Larry, you're fine.
Your hair's just singed
on one side of your head.

You consider this fine?

No worries, bud.

We'll have this machine
up and running in no time.

Then, we can even out
that haircut for you, huh?

Can I go now?

Please.

(LAUGHS)

(CLEARS THROAT)

Uh, right.

Okay, this is weird.
Your system is trying to
assist with your research

by harvesting
Larry's brain.

Yeah, against
my explicit
orders to stop.

How is that possible?

Maybe something
you did triggered it.

No. This system
doesn't have
the capability

of prioritizing
my research
over human life.

There is an independent
subroutine here
that I don't recognize.

That's bizarre.

Dr. Monroe asked me
to look at strange code
on her system, too.

How long will it
take you to figure out
what happened here?

Couple of hours
once I get to it.

Counting Dr. Monroe
I've got

eight people already
asking me to troubleshoot
their equipment.

I mean, that's
a glitchy day, even
by G.D. Standards.

Well, the machine that
just tried to kill someone

has just moved
to the top of your
to-do list.

Wow. Boss for a day
and already with the attitude.

I like it.

(CELL PHONE RINGING)

Lupo.
Hey, Jo,
Deputy Andy here.

I could use your company
down at Café Diem.

We have a situation.

That's kale.

So?

So, I ordered
the double-cheddar
Kobe burger with bacon.

Look at the man.
It's like a heart attack
on a plate.

Virtual Vincent is
refusing to take
any unhealthy orders.

He's supposed to be
the cutting edge
in A.I. Technology.

Unfortunately,
he's a little too much "A"

and not enough "l"
if you ask me.

You called me
down here for this?

No. I called you
down here for this.

I call it "Ode to Jo."

(CLEARING THROAT)

"I think that
I shall never know
a creature lovely as my Jo

"This morning's breath
I smell so sweet

"With hints of cheese
and last night's meat"

Andy, what the hell is
wrong with you?

Can love ever be wrong, Jo?

Okay, look,
I dated a robot once.

It didn't end well.

I have work to do.

Is this what
heartbreak feels like?

Andy, you're A.I.
And acting weird.

And he's A.I.
And acting weird.

Has anyone ever told you
your PH levels are
perfectly balanced?

Come with me.

Okay.

Bye.
Bye.

Grace.

You okay?

Would you be?

No.

Are you in love with me?

No. Of course not.

You don't even know me.

I was getting to know you.

Getting to know me?

Grace, I'm sorry.

By lying to me?
I didn't handle this well.

By impersonating
my husband?

There are time travel
protocols just for...

Are you serious
right now?

Protocols?

I couldn't risk
putting you in danger

but I couldn't keep
lying to you.

I wanted to
give us a chance.

There is no us.

You're a stranger,
so please just open up
another wormhole,

jump right back
through it,
and give me my Henry back.

I wish I could.

My Henry's gone.

(SNIFFLING)

(DOOR CLOSES)

This is taking forever, man.

Just a little
patience, Kevin.

Handy little gadget.

Found it in
Fargo's man-cave.

Not exactly playing fair,
are you, sport?

Well, I've reconsidered
my position.

I figured
why pretend like
we're in the 1940s

when things are
so much better now?

I downloaded that game
you were talking about,
Zombie Test Pilot.

(CHUCKLES) Oh.

Go nuts, buddy.

I hate to say it
but I think
you may be

overstepping your
authority there, pal-o.

I had drinks
last night with Allison...
Well, drinks, a date.

You could
call it a date.

She made it quite clear
she didn't want Kevin
to play with a new game

until he finishes
his Emo assignment.

I think that
Allison would trust
my judgment on this,

as she's trusted
my judgment
on so many things.

Long history of
judgment-trusting
with Allison.

Yeah. She told me
last night on our date

about your
remarkably chaste
relationship you have.

How you're friends
but without the benefits.

You know
what you are, pal-o?

A distraction.

(CHUCKLES)
A distraction?

Is that what the kids
call boyfriends these days?

It's only a matter of time
before Allison sees you
for what you really are,

which is a smug,
selfish, Einstein wannabe

with no moral compass
and only one
functioning kidney.

Both my kidneys
function fine.
Thank you.

Well, day's not over,
is it?

(LAUGHS) You want
a piece of me, sport?

Say the word.

The...

...word.
Where's Kevin? Kevin?

Hey, buddy?

(SIGHS)

(GROANS)

I loathe kale.

ELECTRONIC VOICE:
Where are you going, Douglas?

Out.

The woods can be dangerous.

You should stay inside me.

Tempting,
but I'm going to risk it.

(GRUNTING)

Guys! Little help! Anyone?

What did you find, Zane?

This is crazy,
but all level six
A.I. Systems

have been infected
with the same
foreign subroutine.

Which does what exactly?

Well, it doesn't exactly
have an exactly.

It's some kind of
emotion-generating program

which could produce
any number of behaviors

depending on the system
running it.

Your M.R.I. Machine,
Virtual Vincent...

Yeah. Grace's memory
retrieval system.

And our robotic
Romeo here.

Yeah. Their feelings
are overriding
their programming.

A.I. Systems control
everything from
the speed of the elevators

to the temperature
in the labs.

Can you remove
the subroutine?

Well, yeah,
but not without that
uncorrupted source code,

and I have no idea
where this thing came from.

Okay, well, then
we need to shut down

every level six
A.I. System in Eureka

before this thing
gets out of control.

On it.

Oh, don't tell me
she's level six.

She's already
on her way to NASA.

Who?

Tiny.

No answer
from Tiny's driver,

but the truck was
located on the road
out of town.

My team's mobilizing
as we speak.

(CELL PHONE RINGS)

SARAH, bad time.

Jo, have you by any chance
seen Deputy Andy today?

He's right here.
No. Don't put him on.

I was just wondering.
Has he mentioned me at all?

What? Why...
Why would he...

SARAH, I got to go.

Zane, did all
level six A.I.'s
need to be plugged

into the mainframe
to be infected?

Yeah.

Andy, when did you
start liking me?

8:27 this morning.

SARAH, what did you do?

SARAH: You seem to be
quite agitated.

Perhaps you and Zane
should relax

with some herbal tea
in the kitchen

while I keep Andy company
out here.

SARAH, you infected Andy
with some kind of emotional...

I didn't infect him,
I improved him.

Andy, I know we got off
to a rocky start

with me terminating
you and all.

Twice, actually.

I was confused,
but now I see that

you're charming
and sophisticated.

And I know
it's shallow,

but I love your new
adorable little face.

And well,
I really like you.

Wow.

But you lack
the programming
to reciprocate,

unlike some newer A.I. 's.

That perverted
little robot?

You used the Emo's
attachment program
on Andy?

SARAH, you called me
here this morning?

Yeah, and she slipped you
an Emo download, dude.

(LAUGHS)

I'm sorry. I just
wanted you to like me.

Sorry?

That's the first
romantic thing anyone's
ever done for me.

SARAH, your attachment
patch affected
all of the A.I.'s in G.D.

Including an escaped
Titan Rover.

You need to fix this.

I didn't create the program,
I only copied it,

but I'll do whatever
I can to help.

All right, SARAH,
just jump your firewall
and show me your code.

I'll take it from there.

You understand why I did it,
don't you, Jo?

It's hard not having
someone of your own.

Just get it fixed.

(POLICE SIREN BLARING)

Your weapon, ma'am.

Why would Tiny
take off like that?

Well, she's leaving
on a six-year
mission to Titan.

Maybe she got cold feet.

There's a 10-mile
security perimeter set up
on our current location

in case
she moves on us.

Our E.M. Pulse rifles
should short out her system.

Well, just don't miss.
You may not get
a second shot.

She's armed with
a laser drill

that can cut through
a small planet.

I'll track Tiny's beacon
and direct you from here.

Hey, Allison, you okay?

Kevin's camping
in the perimeter

and no one is
answering their phone.

I just got him back
and now, I could lose him.

Hey, don't worry.
I never miss.

(SIGHS)

Come on, Carter,
answer the phone
this time. Please.

(CELL PHONE RINGING)

Hey! I'm here!
I'm just...
Don't hang up!

GRANT: Kevin,
where are you, buddy?

It's going to be dark soon.
And by the way,

his running off
is totally your fault.

Why? Because
he didn't want to
see me embarrass you?

No. Because you were
talking about his mom.

If you were bragging
about going on a date
with my mom,

I'd run off
into the woods, too.

Then I'll be sure never
to tell you about it.

Don't push me.

I shouldn't have
let you come.

Well, it wouldn't
have happened

if you'd invited me
in the first place.

What?

Listen, Jack,

being a man out of time,
not as much fun as it sounds.

And whose fault is that?

Forget it.
Let's find the kid.

Kevin?

(INDISTINCT CHATTERING)

(BLEEPING)

Jo, any sign of her?

JO: Negative on Tiny.

Jo, please find her
before she finds
anyone else.

Copy that.

GRANT: We're circling
back to the camp.

CARTER: Let me guess,
you can pinpoint
our exact location

by staring at the stars.

Yeah. Something like that.

You made that
out of dry leaves
and moose droppings?

Well, no.

(SHUSHING) Wait.

CARTER: Kevin! Oh, God.

You... You had me...
Look, I know
that you're mad.

Normally, I don't
condone violence,

but if you want me
to hold Grant down,
then I...

How long have you been
into my mom, Jack? Hmm?

Me?

You gonna
lie to me about it?

No.

I mean, I thought
we were friends.
You should have told me.

Yes and no.
I mean, you're right.

I didn't think about
how you'd feel,

but the truth is, uh...

I do like her a lot.

But if you don't
want me to see her...
I don't want you to see her.

You can take a moment
to mull that over
if you want.

Are you in love
with her?

(SCOFFS)

That's what
I thought, man.

Where's the campsite?
GRANT: Just down there.

Excuse me.

Hey, sport, look
on the bright side.

You get to keep
your friendship,

and Kevin isn't
so bothered by the idea
of me dating his mom.

So, all's fair
in love and war.

FARGO: What is that?

Fargo! What the...

(WHISPERING) Shh.
I saw something
in the woods.

(LEAVES RUSTLING)

There.

Holy frack,
the Titan Rover.

She has a laser.

I know. We have a history.
Grant, can I have your knife?

Thank you.

Without making any
sudden movements,

can you get
to the phones
and call G. D?

Here you go.

Hey, Tiny,

what are you doing
in the woods?

You lost, girl?

Now, I know we've had
our disagreements
in the past,

but we're good. Right?

(ROARS)

New plan! Run!

FARGO: Aah!

(KEVIN PANTING)

(KEVIN GRUNTING)
CARTER: Kevin!

Shh. You okay?

Never better.

Why is Tiny
trying to kill us?

That's totally
against her programming.

Don't move.
I'll distract her.

When she starts chasing me,
you get Kevin,
you go to the cars.

We're not leaving you.

It's okay.

I'm right behind you.

Hey big Titan! Roar!

Huh? Yeah!
With the unnecessarily
creepy design!

(BLEEPING)

Run!

(CAR ENGINE STARTING)

FARGO: Uh-oh.

(GRUNTS)

Not again!

KEVIN: Fargo, there's Jack!

(TIRES SCREECHING)

Come with me
if you want to live!

Go! Go!

This car have a phone?

Hands-free.
Crystal clear.

Great.
Just call Allison.

Carter for Allison.

Carter, there's
a volatile Titan Rover

under the influence

of an emotional
attachment patch
in your vicinity.

(SHATTERING)

(GRUNTS)

You don't say.

I'm going to upload
our location into
the GPS in Fargo's car.

Lead Tiny down
the mountain.

Jo and her team
will do the rest.

Okay.

Carter, is Kevin safe?

I'm fine.

But I am never going
camping again.

Did we lose her?

You're one heck of
a wheelman, Douglas.

KEVIN: Yeah, man.

(CARTER SCREAMS)

Jo, they're coming!
What's your E.T. A?

Moving as fast as we can.

CARTER: Almost
to the finish line.

Does this thing
have airbags?

Standard.
Okay.

Everybody out!
Everybody out!

Jesus! Go! Go!

(SCREAMS)

Kevin!
Mom!

Jo, stop!

Don't shoot.
If you shoot up,
she'll collapse on Kevin.

Weapons tight.

Kevin.

Mom!

Mom!

Mom! Mom, please,
get me loose!

(GRUNTING)

Get away from him,
you bitch!

ELECTRONIC VOICE:
Get away from him, you bitch!

(BEEPING)

The attachment patch!

Tiny wants Emo.
Give her Emo!

Oh, Kevin!

Oh, baby. Oh!

Nothing like being pinned
by a killer robot
to make you want your mom.

We're lucky you were here.

Thank you.
Glad to help.

What did I miss?

Nothing much.

(INHALING)

I really love
your new scent, SARAH.
Very citrusy.

I was hoping
you'd notice.

Okay. All the hardwired
A.I. Systems are clean.

It's your turn, big guy.

Plug it in.

You want to remove
my emotions?

Not particularly,
but in their
infinite wisdom,

the powers that be
don't usually defer
to my judgment.

I have yet to see you
buckle to the whims
of authority, Mr. Donovan.

Hmm.

Could always use a friend
in law enforcement.

I'll tell you what,
you leave it out
of your report,

and I'll leave it
out of mine, hmm?

Piece of advice,
let her do
most of the talking.

In fact, you don't even
have to really listen.

Okay.
Mmm-hmm.

Hi.

Henry,

I was just about to
come to the garage.

You didn't take
your asthma medication

or your pillow,
or food for later.

So, I made you
a care package.

Thanks.

Grace,

I was naive to think
I could just

jump into this marriage.

If this is all some
elaborate practical joke,

now would be
a great time to say,
"Gotcha!"

I wish I could.

You know what? Grace...

You were right.

I'm not your Henry.

Not yet.

SARAH:
Isn't it just the loveliest
of mornings, Sheriff Carter?

Uh, yeah, it is.
No thanks
on the coffee, SARAH.

I'm going to grab
an espresso

Hey, Jo?

None for me either.
I got to...

(EXHALES DEEPLY)

Oh, I don't know...

Morning, Miss Lupo.

Sheriff.

Hey, Kevin.

So, what are we doing
this weekend, huh?
Slaying dragons?

Yeah, I guess camping
wasn't the best of ideas.

But you have to admit
it wasn't boring.

Yeah.

And I'm sorry
if I made you
uncomfortable out there.

Just know that
if you want to talk,
my door's open.

And if not,
that's cool, too.

Okay. Thanks.

And, uh...

About the other thing
you asked me about,

I do love your mom.

Well, in that case,

I guess she could do worse.

Yes, she could.
And I appreciate
the thumbs up.

Yeah, just don't
screw it up, Jack,

because if you
break her heart...

Yeah, you'll break
my legs. I got it.

I'll see you later.

Okay.

Hey, Grant?

Just so you know,
don't plan
the wedding just yet.

What wedding?

Okay, sport?

Oh.

Good luck with that.

May the best man win.