Original subtitles

- Well, Eloise?

- As I've always said, John, hanging

is too good for that picture.

- Oh, now, Eloise.

Aunt Emma did give it to us, And after all,

I am her favorite relative.

- Well, you're the only relative she still speaks to.

- Well, that makes me her favorite, doesn't it?

Oh, I hope Dennis doesn't come bothering the poor soul

while she's here.

- That's not what's bothering you, John Wilson.

You're afraid she'll leave her money

to those pet charities of hers, instead of you.

- Well, I-- I must admit, I'd feel easier in my mind

if we could count on Aunt Emma leaving us her money.

If anything happened to me, what would you be left with?

A few thousand in insurance, and old house

with a mortgage as big as this living room,

and a trunk full of old stories that

I haven't been able to sell.

- You forgot one thing, dear.

- What's that?

- I'd also be left with a lifetime of wonderful memories.

- Aha, yes, you would, wouldn't you?

But, uh, just try eating them some time when you're hungry.

[chuckling]

[theme music]

- I wonder how Aunt Emma's doing with her charities?

- Oh, some charities.

The East Bend Bird Bath Association, the, uh,

Save Our Chipmunks Society, the Square Dancing Club

for Retired Carpenters, the-- say, did you buy enough tea?

You know a tea drinker she is.

- Dear, if I bought any more tea, the English

would have to switch to coffee.

- I still wish I could count on your having Aunt Emma's

money, in case I departed, unexpectedly.

- Just what makes you so sure that you

will depart unexpectedly before I do?

- Statistics show that we men usually do.

- Oh!

- Evidently, you women nag us to death.

- Now, John Wilson, I do not nag.

Dear, don't you think we ought to call the state--

- Aha, ha, aha!

Now, Eloise, I've told you a dozen times,

Aunt Emma's train doesn't arrive until 10:30.

Now I have a memory like an elephant.

- Hm, mm, mm.

[doorbell ringing]

- If that's Dennis, tell him I've gone

to the North Pole for Christmas.

[sigh]

MRS. WILSON (OFFSCREEN): Aunt Emma!

- Aunt Emma?

- Why didn't that silly husband of yours come and meet me?

- He was busy being nagged.

- Aunt Emma!

You're early.

- The train was two minutes late!

- Oh!

- Oh, stop pecking me!

- Yeah, uh, well, I-- I'm sorry, Aunt Emma.

I mean about missing the train.

- Oh, don't apologize.

I expected it.

- Oh.

Oh, uh, where-- where are your bags?

- Oh, some dear little boy is going

to bring them up from the curb!

- [gasp] Uh, excuse me.

Oh, uh, Dennis, I'll take those.

- Oh, I'm doing fine, Mr. Wilson.

- Uh, Dennis, Dennis, don't argue.

Give me the--

- Hasn't changed a bit, has he?

The clumsiest boy in town!

- Would you like to go up to your room, now, Aunt Emma?

- No, I think I'll stay here and rest a little while.

- Oh, that's fine, dear.

I'll go make you some hot tea.

- Oh, thank you, dear.

- Oh.

Uh, notice the picture on the wall, Aunt Emma?

- I gave that to you two years ago, because I detested it.

- Oh, uh, well it's-- it's one of our favorites.

- Hey, Mr. Wilson, how come you brought that funny old picture

out of the basement?

- Uh, we, uh, we were cleaning it, down there.

- How are things with you, John?

- Uh, financially, you mean?

Uh, not good, Aunt Emma.

Not good at all.

- Mr. Wilson's not even getting air condition for his new car.

Thank you.

Uh, the, uh, the one's falling apart.

Just like the one-horse Shay.

TOMMY (OFFSCREEN): Dennis!

- That's Tommy.

I gotta go now.

- Well, I think we can manage without you.

- I'll see you later, Aunt Emma.

- Hm.

I like him.

He's as bright as a button, isn't he?

- I prefer zippers, myself.

Uh, you look very well, Aunt Emma.

- Considering I haven't been embalmed yet.

- Oh, I didn't mean that!

- My health is fine, John.

My lawyer's health is even better.

And I haven't decided whether to leave my money

to you, or to those quaint little charities

you're always making fun of.

Now, will you just let me relax and enjoy myself?

- Hey, guess what I got new at my house.

- What, Seymour?

- A dumb old baby sister.

- A baby sister?

- Are you sure?

- Sure, I'm sure.

I already saw her.

And she's, uh, she's little and red,

and she cries all the time.

- Yep, that's a baby sister, all right.

- What are you gonna call her?

- I want to call her Oscar, after my turtle that died.

- Oscar isn't a girl's name, Seymour.

- So what, Chuck?

How many dumb old girls ever get a chance

to be named after a real turtle?

- Yeah!

- Gee, I never thought of it that way.

- Hey, you guys, let's get the game started.

- All right.

I'll go ask Mr. Wilson to referee for us.

- I'll go with ya. - Yeah, me too.

- Well, here comes your tea, Aunt Emma.

- Careful, John, or you'll spill it, as you usually do.

- Ha, ha.

I haven't spilled anything since I was six years old.

Upp-upp! - Mr. Wilson!

- Dennis!

- You were saying, John?

- Now look what you've done!

- I'm sorry, Mr. Wilson.

We're gonna play basketball, and we want you to referee for us.

- Oh, don't be silly.

You children don't need a referee.

- Sure we do.

- We cheat!

- You could even use my whistle, if you

promise not to get bubble gum in it.

- Dennis, go dribble someplace else.

- Now wait a minute, John.

I'll referee for the children.

- You, Aunt Emma?

- Oh, Aunt Emma, don't be ridiculous.

- What do you know about basketball?

- Well, I've never played professionally.

But I've seen a lot on television.

- That's OK with me!

Come on, Aunt Emma.

- Aunt Emma, you are not going!

- We all have to go some time, John.

In my case, don't hold your breath.

- Where's Aunt Emma going?

- To play basketball.

- Oh, that's n-- what?

- Well, actually, she's refereeing.

And it's all Dennis' fault.

- Why?

Wouldn't he let her play?

- This is no laughing matter, Eloise.

I'd better get out there before she breaks some bones.

- Whose?

- Uh, eh-- all right.

Ea-easy fellas.

Just-- just get me to the couch. - Be careful of him, boys.

Now be careful.

- I just want to stretch out for a minute.

- You can put him down, there.

- If I don't sit down, I'll fall down.

Thank you. Thank you, Tommy.

- Here's the couch.

- Ugh! Oh!

Oh! Oh!

- John!

John, what happened?

- Aunt Emma flattened him.

- I was running along, minding my own business,

refereeing, when this husband of yours gets in my way.

- I was standing on the side line.

- Dennis, uh, tell him.

Where was he standing?

- Well, I guess his feet were on the sidelines.

But Mr. Wilson's kind of built going forward.

- Where does it hurt, dear?

- It would be easier to say where it doesn't, Eloise.

- Aw.

Well, you just rest there.

I'll get a hot towel.

- Oh, you clumsy, clumsy boy! [inaudible]

- How do you feel now, Mr. Wilson?

- I presume I'll live, thank you.

Thank you.

- You don't look so good to me.

- You don't look so good to me, either, Seymour.

- Your eyes are kind of bloodshot, Mr. Wilson.

- Yeah, and your head's kind of hot.

- Yep, he's going, all right.

- Oh, please!

- Here, dear.

- Ooh!

That's hot.

- John, you act like that's the only head you've got.

- I better get going home for lunch, Dennis.

- You look awful!

- Oh, ya miserable--

- Jeepers, Mr. Wilson, maybe we ought

to shake your head to make sure nothing's broken inside.

- Thank you, Dennis.

But right now I'm happy that it's still attached to my body.

- It sure was nice of you to referee for us, Aunt Emma.

And I'm glad you didn't get hurt when

Mr. Wilson got in your way.

- Oh, well, thank you, Dennis.

Uh, Dennis, why don't you come visit

a crabby old lady sometime?

- You really want me to?

- Well, of course, I do.

It does my own bones good to see a bright, athletic little

gentleman like you.

Do you remember what a mess you were at Dennis' age?

- I beg your pardon!

- Come to think of it, you've changed remarkably little.

Well, what are you waiting her for?

Go on home and get some lunch, and come back and visit me!

- OK!

I'll see you all later!

Goodbye, Aunt Emma.

- Aw, he's all boy.

I like him.

- I'll call you when lunch is ready, Aunt Emma.

EMMA (OFFSCREEN): All right, dear.

[gasp]

- Eloise, did you hear what she said?

- Oh, you mean about Dennis.

Oh, I thought she'd like him.

- Eloise, do you suppose Aunt Emma is so eccentric that she

could suddenly become attached to a little boy like Dennis,

and--

- John Wilson, will you please stop worrying about that money?

- It isn't about me, that I'm worrying.

- I know, dear.

But it's silly to worry about me.

Why, if anything did happen to you,

I-- I could always get married again.

- Well, yes, I suppose you-- married again!

Eloise, you wouldn't dare!

- Oh!

- I tell you, Eloise, that kid's taking over my own house.

He's been under foot the whole blessed day.

- That's nice, dear.

- And the way he's monopolizing Aunt Emma's time,

it's-- that nice, dear?

Eloise, aren't you listening to me?

- Well, of course, I am, dear.

- I can't get a word in edgewise with my own aunt.

- John, what are you carrying on about?

- My favorite aunt!

That's what I'm carrying on about.

- There!

- Think you're pretty smart, don't you?

- Well, I have won four straight games.

- Well, when I want the team standings, young man,

I will ask you for them.

- Uh, Dennis, it's almost dinner time.

- Must you talk all the time, John?

- Um--

- Now with the right move, I could sew up this game.

- Oh, boy!

Thanks, Mr. Wilson!

- Well, I hope you're proud of yourself, nosey!

- Yoo-hoo!

Aunt Emma!

I have a surprise for ya-- uh!

Aunt Emma!

Aunt--eh, oh.

- Oh, hello, dear.

What have you there?

- Some of Aunt Emma's favorite candy.

Aunt Emma!

- She's next door with Dennis, dear.

- Next door with Dennis?

What's she doing there?

- Why, I don't know.

Maybe he's throwing her a party.

- Throwing her a party?

Well, why wasn't I invited?

- Probably, because you weren't here.

- Oh!

- Well, who's winning?

- Did you ever see a winner at Monopoly look

as disgusted as I do?

- Well, Aunt Emma?

- Don't push me.

Don't push me. Hm.

This lad of yours is a tough businessman, Henry.

- Uh, yes.

He's just a chip off the old block.

Isn't that right, dear?

- Oh, anything you say, dear.

- Now that's what I call a well-trained wife.

- A well-trained wife who is going to buy a new hat, today.

- Bu-- a new hat?

- Thanks, Aunt Emma.

- Uh, let me see, now.

Uh, I'll give you a piece of property with two houses on it.

And then, there's my apartment house.

- Is that all?

- And last, but not least, I can give you my farm.

- Aunt Emma! Whoa!

- John, next time, try the door.

- Eloise, are sure we moved all my notes out of this desk

when we were taking things down to the-- uh.

Well!

Imagine Aunt Emma leaving her diary open

for-- for just anyone to see.

- Put it away.

- Uh, that's what I intend to do.

[gasp] Listen to this!

- John!

- "I'm getting fonder and fonder of dear little Dennis every

day.

And John is still the clumsiest.

He got hit on the head again this afternoon.

Eloise, she hates me.

- Oh, John!

- Oh, John, nothing!

I've got to do something, and do it fast.

Or that kid will wind up with Aunt Emma's money.

The way they've been going around

together for the last three days,

I expect Dennis to give her his class pin.

- John!

Dennis is merely being kind to a little old lady.

- Well, that may be so.

But Aunt Emma is my little old lady.

If Dennis wants to be kind to a little old lady,

let him find one of his own!

- And there's a daddy long legs.

And that's a water bug.

And there's a dumb old beetle.

- Fascinating.

Simply fascinating.

- Well, how is my favorite aunt doing?

- Oh, hello, John.

- Hi, Mr. Wilson.

- Hi.

Are those bugs?

- Of course not.

They're the little people Dennis is experimenting with.

- I could believe it.

Um, uh, Dennis, it's nearly 9 o'clock.

Don't you think--

- Oh, for heaven's sake.

Stop clucking like a nervous house mother.

- Some bug collection, huh?

- Dennis, without a doubt, that is the finest bug collection

I have ever seen.

- Have you ever had a bug collection, Aunt Emma?

- My dear, I'm sorry to say, that a first-class bug collection

is the one thing that I have missed in my lifetime.

- That's a shame.

Hey, there's a pirate movie on television tomorrow night.

Do you like pirates?

- Well, I've never met any personally,

although my late husband owned a sword belonging

to [inaudible] Yin, the famous Chinese pirate.

- No kidding?

- It was about this long, with real blood on the blade.

- Boy, would I like to see a sword like that!

- My lawyer has it for safe keeping.

He was afraid I'd lose my temper and run

somebody through with it.

- I tell you, Eloise, Dennis has brainwashed that naive little

old lady into believing that he can do nothing wrong.

- John, I give up!

- Um, what are those?

- Trading stamps.

Only 10,000 more books and I can get a yacht.

- If Dennis does get her money, it's

unfair to me and those other needy charities of hers.

- John Wilson, just look at you!

Aunt Emma's leaving day after tomorrow.

But instead of enjoying her visit,

you-- you've turned yourself into a nervous wreck

over nothing.

- Over nothing?

- Over nothing!

For no reason at all, you've convinced yourself

that Aunt Emma's going to leave her money to Dennis

instead of you.

And John, you're behaving very badly.

- Goodnight, my dear.

Uh, do you mind if I give you a kiss?

- Well, if it's something you just gotta do.

You're nice, Aunt Emma, for a woman.

- Ooh!

That does it!

Scat, young man, before I get my pirate sword!

- You know, Eloise, you may be right.

The idea of Aunt Emma leaving her loot to Dennis

is kind of ludicrous, isn't it?

- Heh, heh, heh. Here, dear.

Finish this book for me, OK?

- All right.

Let's see.

- Well, at last you're doing something useful.

- Thank you.

- Incidentally, John.

I decided what to do about those charities of mine.

- You have?

I am bequeathing each on them $100.

And letting it go, at that.

You happier now?

- Well, yes.

Yes, I am.

That is a very wise decision, Aunt Emma.

- Good!

Now I'm going to my room to write my lawyer about Dennis.

- You see, Eloise, it all wor-- write her lawyer about Dennis!

- Hey, Mom.

- Why aren't you asleep, son?

- I've got a problem.

- Mom, could I get a good, hard-wearing handkerchief

for $0.68?

- Why, yes.

I'd say you could, dear. - Why?

Are you expecting a runny nose?

- No.

But Aunt Emma's leaving for home the day after tomorrow,

and I want to get her a little going away present.

- Why, that's very thoughtful of you.

- Especially since $0.68's don't grow on trees for little boys.

- I don't really want to get Aunt Emma

any old $0.68 handkerchief.

- Well, I'm sure Aunt Emma would like whatever you give her,

dear.

- Well, I know what I'd really like to give her.

But the trouble is, it's mine.

And I kind of like it, myself.

- You do have a problem, don't you?

- What would you do, Mom, if you were in my shoes?

- Well, I'd say that if you think enough of someone

to want to give him, or her, a gift,

the more you like the gift yourself, the more you'll

enjoy giving it.

- Yeah, I guess you're right.

And I've got just the gift to enjoy giving to Aunt Emma!

Goodnight.

- Goodnight, son.

- Goodnight, dear.

- Oh, thank you.

Thank you, very much.

Well, Aunt Emma, your tickets are all taken care of.

Your train leaves at 9:00 in the morning.

- Thank you, John.

- Although, I wish you changed your mind

and stay a while longer.

- Oh, no.

I don't want to wear out my welcome.

Besides, I've got to get home and water my plants.

[doorbell ringing]

MRS. WILSON (OFFSCREEN): I'll get it.

Hello, dear.

- Hi, Mrs. Wilson.

Hi, Mr. Wilson.

- Uh, it's you again, isn't it?

- Hi, dear.

Hi, Aunt Emma.

- Oh!

What's this?

- It's a going away present.

- Apple polisher.

- A going away present?

- Go ahead.

Open it.

- Oh, shall I?

Oh, for goodness sakes, what is it?

Your bug collection!

And I thought it was something to eat.

- Well, if you were a frog, I guess.

- Why, that's your most treasured possession.

I can't accept this.

- Sure, you can.

You gotta!

When you like a person real well, like I do you,

you want to give them something that you like, too.

So you can enjoy giving it, that much more.

Isn't that right, Mr. Wilson?

- That's right, Dennis.

- Everybody knows it's much more fun to give than to receive.

Isn't that right, Mr. Wilson?

- Oh, uh, that's right, Dennis.

- I think this is the most wonderful present

I have ever had in my life.

And I'll never forget your for it.

- Well, I gotta go now and study my arithmetic.

Goodnight, Aunt Emma.

I'll see you tomorrow before I go to school.

- All right, dear.

Goodnight, dear.

- Goodnight, Mrs. Wilson and Mr. Wilson.

- Goodnight.

Eloise, I feel terrible.

- Dear, you ought to.

Now I think you had better go in there and talk to her.

- Aunt Emma, there's something I wa--

I wa- there's something I--

- Oh, stop stuttering, John.

What is it?

- Aunt Emma, I've been thinking.

I've been behaving very badly, since you've been here,

and I'm sorry.

And I want you to know that, I don't want your money.

I don't deserve your money.

And Eloise and I will get along very nicely on what we have.

- Oh, is that so?

Well, I'm glad you told me.

I won't leave you my money, as I was planning to.

- You were planning to?

But that letter to your lawyer about Dennis?

- Oh, that.

Merely instructions to send the child

an old pirate sword of mine.

- Th-- then you weren't going to--

- No, John.

I wasn't.

[sigh]

- What am I going to do?

I laid awake all night, worrying about it.

- Well, you might as well relax, dear.

I'm afraid there's nothing you can do.

[doorbell ringing]

- Good morning, Mr. Wilson.

Good morning, Mrs. Wilson.

- Good morning, dear.

- Good morning, Aunt Emma.

- Oh, good morning, dear.

And did you do that arithmetic last night?

- Yes, ma'am.

I'm on my way to school now.

I'm studying long division.

- Oh.

By the way, in a few days, a package

is coming for you, containing a pirate's sword

that I was telling you about.

- Boy, you mean, I'm gonna get to see it?

- To see it?

You're going to get to keep it!

- To keep it?

Thanks, Aunt Emma! Wow!

Did you hear that Mr. Wilson?

- Yes, Dennis.

I think we'd better get started.

- As for you, John.

You still don't want any of my money, right?

- That's right.

- All right, then.

I leave everything I have to Eloise.

- Eloise?

- Oh, John, must you be so clumsy?

Yes, I'm leaving all my money to Eloise.

She'll need a nest egg in her old age,

having to take care of a-- a clumsy do-do bird like you.

- Thank you, Aunt Emma.

Hm.

That's very generous of you.

- Jeepers, Mrs. Wilson.

If you're going to get a lot of money,

I'll come over and help you count it every night,

on account of, I'm real good at arithmetic.

Won't that be fun, Mr. Wilson?

- Oh, that'll be peachy, dandy, Dennis.

[theme music]

NARRATOR: This has been a Screen Gems film production.