Original subtitles

- Well, let's get rid of this.

- But dad, that's valuable!

- What is it?

- Why, I think it came off a-- well, I don't exactly know.

- Well, how can it be valuable if you don't even know what it is?

- Well. it must be!

Otherwise, why would I be saving it?

- Dennis, we've got to get rid of some this junk.

There's hardly enough room to walk around in here.

- Jeepers!

We've thrown away a lot of stuff!

- So far, this is all we've agreed on.

You know, I think this could be fixed, honey.

- Henry!

Dennis, why don't you sort through that box

and pick out what you want and what you don't want.

While you're doing that, your father and I

will look through your closet.

- Dad!

Don't open the--

- Gee, dad.

My comic books.

Now look what you've done.

And they were all piled up nice and neat.

- Just look at that mess.

Dennis, from now on, nothing goes in your clothes closet,

but clothes!

- Where will I put my comic books?

- Oh, I think you're just going to have to get rid of them.

- You mean throw them away?

- Well, or give 'em away.

- But dad!

Do you realize how much allowance I;ve got tied up

in them?

- Well, maybe you could sell 'em.

- Sell 'em?

Hey, dad, that's a great idea!

- Dennis, where are you going?

- To make the For Sale sign!

- Well, what about all this valuable stuff?

- That junk?

Just throw it away!

[theme music]

- Ah, there are few more questions

I'd like to ask about the camera.

Now, according to your brochure, it

says that the camera will take any telephoto lens up to, uh--

ELOISE (OFFSCREEN): John!

- I-I'll call you back.

- John? I was wondering if you might--

- Hold it! - What?

- Don't move!

- Well John what's the matter?

- Nothing.

Nothing.

I just want to look at you.

Eloise, sometimes I forget what a handsome woman you are.

- Well, thank you, dear.

- You know, Eloise, it's a shame, but I

don't have one good photograph of you.

- Oh.

So you've decided to buy that camera after all?

- Well, yeah.

- John, you promised me you wouldn't!

It's too expensive.

- Now Eloise, photography is the finest hobby there is.

- Well, I never said it wasn't.

I never said that gem polishing wasn't a good hobby when

you bought that outfit that's gathering dust

down in the cellar, did I?

- Well, no, but--

- And I didn't object at all when you

started collecting stamps, did I?

- Well, no, but, uh--

- Or coins?

Or first editions?

Those! are an investment.

- Or old Dixieland jazz records?

- But, uh--

- And I didn't say a word when you

decided to take up oil painting.

Although I should have.

Oh!

And your life just wasn't complete

until you found out how much fun it

was to build ships in bottles.

But what happened to the ship?

- Well, I haven't had a chance to put one in there.

- Oh, that's right-- the tropical fish

took too much of your time.

You know, dear, it seems to me that you've

found the perfect hobby-- collecting hobbies.

- Well, I've just been trying to find one that I really liked.

- And now you think it's going to be photography?

- Well, uh, yes.

- Dear, we can't afford that camera.

- Yes, we can.

You know that money we have in the bank?

- That's our vacation fund.

- Well, if we go on a vacation, we should have a camera.

- But if you buy the camera, we can't go on a vacation!

Look, if you want it so badly, why don't you sell something?

Like your first editions.

- Eloise, those are and investment.

- Well, it seems to me, dear, this a great time to liquidate.

- Why are you selling your comic books, Dennis?

- My dad said I gotta get rid of 'em.

You wanna buy some, Seymour?

- How much is this one?

- $0.03.

- Will you trust me for it?

- Sorry, Seymour.

This sale is strictly cash and carry.

- I never carry that much cash.

- How much do you carry?

- Well, I got this 2 cent pop bottle.

- Come on over here.

These are $0.02.

- Are there any "Adventures of Bat Boy?"

- "Bat Boy?"

I never heard of that comic.

- It's about this boy that flies like a bat.

He's got webbed armpits!

- Seymour!

- He got the idea from his brother,

Duck Boy-- he's got webbed feet!

- Seymour, the only thing I have that

sounds like Bat Boy is this one-- Flying

Man-- he flies through the air with this little helicopter

strapped to his back.

- Boy, how corny can you get?

JOHN (OFFSCREEN): Umph!

- John!

- Eloise, you slammed the door in my face.

- I'm so sorry.

I didn't know you were out there.

Put it down.

Put it down! - But I'm only trying to call--

- No telephone calls.

- But John!

- How can I get an answer to my ad

if you're going to be gabbing on the phone with your friends?

- Oh, is it in the paper already?

- Uh, yes.

Krinky did it as a special favor to me.

Uh, there, see?

- For sale, magnificent collection

of rare first editions.

Call reasonable John Wilson.

Reasonable John Wilson?

That sounds like a used car salesman.

- Well, oh, that should read, call,

period, reasonable, period, John Wilson.

- John Wilson what?

- John Wilson, exclamation point.

Well, you always put that in an ad

to indicate that it's urgent.

And it is.

I want that camera!

Ah-- no personal calls during business hours.

- Oh, all right.

Reasonable John Wilson.

You could be arrested for false advertising.

- How's it going, son?

- Oh, pretty good, dad!

I've gotten rid of three comics so far!

- Well, that's a good start.

How much have you made?

- Nothin'!

I traded three of mine for six of these.

- Dennis, the idea is to get rid of them.

They're not going back in your room.

Your mother and I just finished thinning it out.

- Dad!

You're not throwing away my good tire pump, are ya?

- Now, Dennis--

- Please, dad, it's valuable.

Can't I keep it?

- Well, all right. - Thanks!

- Uh, uh, Dennis!

Dennis!

- Will you please be quiet?

I'm trying to read!

- Dad, you're disturbing my customers.

- No, Dennis.

I haven't received a single telephone call yet.

- Maybe you ought to put up a sign like I did.

I've taken in $0.07 so far!

- Dennis, I will have to get at least $220 for those.

- $220! - Shh!

Shh!

I don't want Mrs. Wilson to know how

much that camera's going to cost!

Don't touch that!

- I just wanted to look at it.

I've er seen books that are worth that much.

- Well, it won't be worth anything

if you get your grubby little hands on them.

They're first editions!

- Are they all worth a lot of money?

- Well, no, but if you happen to have a first edition

of Mark Twain, or Edgar Allen Poe, or-- or Hemingway.

- Hemingway?

Don't go away, Mr. Wilson!

I'll be right back!

"Hemisphere Hemingway-- Interplanetary Space Pilot."

It must be a first edition.

See?

He's still using his old spaceship

without the atomic power.

- Oh, Dennis, for Heaven's sake.

That doesn't make it a first edition.

- Well, how about this one?

- Oh.

- Maybe you better look at all of 'em.

- Dennis! get those off my desk!

- But Mr. Wilson!

[telephone ringing]

- The phone!

The-- What--

- John, the phone's ringing!

- I know, I know, I know!

Oh, where is it?

- Here you are, Mr. Wilson!

- Oh!

Thank you. Hello?

- Mr. Wilson, you knocked over the vase!

- Oh, for Heaven's sake, Dennis.

Uh, hello?

Hello?

- Uh, h-hello?

Is that, um, uh, Reasonable John Wilson?

- Oh, that should read reasonable, period,

John Wilson, exclamation point.

- Hm, Well, Mr. Wilson, my name is Dewey.

I'm in town visiting my brother-in-law for the day,

and I happened to see your ad.

I'm a book collector, and I wondered

what first editions you have for sale.

- Oh, well I have a list right here on my desk.

Uh, just a moment, please.

The list, where is the list?

Where is it?

- Is this what you're looking for?

- Oh, yes, thank you.

Hello! I have-- uh, hello.

I have "Grass Stains," by Theodore Schiller,

"The Slender Shaft," by---

- Yes, uh-huh, I see.

Yeah.

Well, Mr. Wilson, that sounds like a very desirable

collection.

Um, how much are you asking for it?

- Well, uh, how much are you offering?

- Well, I'd say from your description-- of course,

I'll have to examine the books first--

I would be willing to pay, uh,--

- $250? - Gee!

Now you can get that camera!

- Well, um, I'd have to think it over, Mr. Dewey.

- Well, I don't want to pressure you, Mr. Wilson.

But I'm only going to be in town another couple of hours.

- Oh, well, I'll-I'll call you later.

- Fine.

Then if I don't hear from you, say, uh,

say in another couple of hours, I'll

assume you're not interested.

My phone number?

Oh, it-- 555--

- Just a minute, I-I'll write that down.

Yeah.

All right, now, what is it?

555-- Yeah.

All right.

Got it.

I'll call you back in a little while.

Oh, boy, $250!

- Why didn't you take it?

- Well, if I jumped at his offer, he

might get suspicious and think that the books

aren't worth that much.

That's just good business.

- I'd better get back to my business.

- You do that.

Eloise! Eloise!

Eloise!

Dewey answered my ad!

- Well, that's wonderful, dear.

Dewey who? - Mr. Dewey.

The Man who answered the ad!

- Oh, him.

- Yeah, yeah.

And Eloise, brace yourself.

He offered me 250 smackaroos!

- $250!

Oh, John that's more than you paid for them!

- You see?

I told you those were an investment.

- Of course you accepted?

- Well, I didn't want to seem too anxious,

so I told him I'd think it over and call him back.

- Bye, Mr. Wilson!

- Good-bye, Dennis! - John?

- Hm?

- Don't you think it's taking a chance,

asking Mr. Dewey to wait?

- Of course not.

Now, I know exactly what I'm doing.

- How long are you going to make him wait?

- Oh, I think I'll let him stew for about, uh, 10 minutes.

- It's only four minutes.

- I know.

- And you said you were going to let him stew.

- The comic books!

The number! Dennis!

[door bell]

- I'm coming!

- Quick!

Where's Dennis?

- Well Mr. Wilson, what's the matter?

- Nothing, nothing.

Is he here?

- No, he isn't.

- Well, do you know where he went?

I've got to find him.

- Well, no, we don't.

- What kind of parent are you?

Letting your child wander around,

you don't even know where he is.

- Now see here, John--

- Leave it.

He must be in the neighborhood somewhere, Mr. Wilson.

He piled all of his comic books on his wagon

and said he was going to try to sell them.

- Comic book? - Yes.

He said you gave him a great idea about how

to make a lot of money out of them.

- An idea?

What idea?

- Now look at this one.

Don't touch it, Tommy!

- Why not?

- It's a first edition!

It's very valuable.

- Who says so?

- Mr. Wilson!

I heard a man offer him $250 for his collection!

- Wow!

I didn't even know he read comics!

- He doesn't!

He collects first editions.

And that's what this is.

How about it, Tommy?

You wanna buy it?

- Well, a quarter is a lot of money.

- Consider it an investment!

Someday, you'll be able to sell it at a profit.

- OK.

- Here you are.

- All right, Mr. Dewey, I'll give him your message.

- Eloise!

- John!

John, where did you go? - Over to the Mitchell's.

I've got to go and look for Dennis.

Now, if Mr. Dewey calls, you tell him that I--

- Dear, he was just on the phone. - What?

- H-he says there are two books in your collection

that he is particularly anxious to buy,

and he's raised his offer to $300.

- Three hun--

- He wants you to call him right back.

- Ho, boy!

I, eh, what's the number?

- I don't know.

- You don't know?

Didn't you ask?

- No.

- Why?

- I thought you knew it.

- I didn't say that.

- Well dear, you were going to call him back,

so I assumed that you knew it!

- Eloise, with Dennis around, it isn't safe to assume anything!

Oh!

- Dennis!

Dennis!

- Yes, mom?

- Where have you been, young man?

Your lunch has been waiting for you

on the kitchen table for a half hour!

- Gee, mom.

I've been so busy, I forgot all about it.

- Well, suppose you get un-busy and get in there and eat it.

Won't take long, it's only a sandwich.

- But mom, I haven't got time to eat now.

I just came back for some more comic books.

Can't I take it along with me?

- Well, all right.

But don't just put in your pocket.

Wrap it in something so it won't get dirty.

- OK.

- Oh, Dennis?

- Yes, ma'am?

- Have you see Mr. Wilson recently?

- No.

- He's been looking over the neighborhood for you.

- He has?

- And he was rather upset.

- Yeah?

- Dennis, you don't have something of his by mistake,

do you?

- Heck, no!

I've just been selling comic books.

- Well, he certainly seemed anxious to talk to you.

- I've got to talk to him.

- I'm sorry, Mr. Wilson.

I haven't seen him since he stopped

by here to sell me a comic book.

- Comic book?

- Yes, sir.

"Hemisphere Hemingway."

- Hemingway?

That's the one.

I think.

- Don't touch it!

It's a first edition!

- Just want to look at it.

- But it's very valuable.

- All right, all right, I'll buy it from you.

What do you want for it?

A nickel?

- Nope!

- Dime?

- Nope!

- How much?

- $0.50.

- $0.50!

All right, all right, you have a deal.

Oh, drat.

That's not the one.

- It's yours-- you bought it-- $0.50.

Thanks.

Boy, Dennis sure was right.

First editions are a great investment.

Bye!

- $0.50? - Yeah!

And then he went over to Seymour's house

and bought one from him for $0.75.

And he gave Margaret a dollar for two of 'em!

- Wow!

- Not in that one.

- It's not in any of these.

We've been through them three times.

Maybe you missed one of the places where Dennis sold them.

- No, I don't think so.

See, I went to-- I went to Seymour, Margaret, Tommy,

Florence, Freddie.

I didn't miss any of them.

Oh, I've got to find that telephone number.

- I know you do, dear, but how?

- Well, I'll just keep on buying comic books, that how.

- But that'll cost a lot of money.

- Well, I've gone this far.

I might just as well keep buying them!

- Yeah, Freddie!

He's buying up all the comic books in town.

Business is zoomin'!

Call up everybody you know! - Yeah, Joey.

I'm tellin' you the truth.

He's gonna buy them like crazy.

OK, you better hurry up.

- OK, Seymour!

You're next!

How many have you got, Seymour?

- Six of 'em.

- That's $0.60.

- These are $0.50 apiece.

They're first editions!

- $0.10 each, that's my price.

Take it or leave it.

- I'll leave it!

- Uh, uh, Seymour, just a minute.

I just want to look through them.

How much will you charge me just to look through them?

- $0.50 apiece!

- Oh, you miserable--

- How about $0.15, just to look at 'em?

- Well, OK.

- Oh, good!

- Keep your grubby hands off of 'em!

I'll turn the page.

- That's the last one, Mr. Wilson.

- Look at all that-- no telephone number.

- No money, either.

- Dennis, why did you have to-- oh, never mind.

I don't want to take up photography, anyhow.

It's too expensive.

- I'm sorry.

- I thought I'd find the number in one of those.

- What are you gonna do with all of 'em, Mr. Wilson?

- I don't know.

- Can I have 'em?

- Well, if you promise to clear them all out of here.

- Oh, boy, thanks!

- Would you like some coffee, dear?

- No, thank you.

- How about you, Dennis?

Some milk and cookies?

- No, ma'am.

I haven't eaten my lunch yet.

Hey, Mr. Wilson? - What?

- The telephone number! - Dennis!

Where did--

- Mom said it was all right for me to take a sandwich with me

if I wrapped it up, and--

- Dennis!

At last, I can call, I hope I'm not too late.

[door bell]

- I'll get it.

- Whoever it is, we're not buying any more comic books!

- Yes?

- Excuse me, my name's Dewey.

- Oh, Mr. Dewey!

- Is Mr. Wilson home?

- There's no answer!

That stupid Dewey must have left town!

- John--

- I was only 15 minutes late in calling.

You'd think that idiot would have waited.

- John, this is Mr. Dewey.

- Oh!

Um, I was calling you.

- So I heard.

- I'm awfully sorry.

I'm a little upset.

All these comic books--

- Ooh, do you collect these?

- Oh no, those are Dennis's.

- Your son?

- My next door neighbor.

- Oh.

Well, how are you, Dennis?

- Fine, thank you, Mr. Dewey.

- Uh, Mr. Dewy, about my first editions--

- Ah, you've got a mighty collection here, Dennis.

- About my first edition--

- You know, I collect these things, too.

- You do?

- About my first editions--

- Yeah!

I have a feeling that one day, first editions of things

like, uh, "Hemisphere Hemingway" are going to be very valuable.

- Would you like to buy some?

I've got a lot of first editions.

- Uh, Dennis, Mr. Dewey came to talk

to me about my first editions.

- That's right.

I just wanted to let you know that I

shan't be able to buy them.

- What?

- You see, while I was waiting for you call me back,

I went out for a walk.

I passed by this camera store.

Well, I-I just couldn't resist it.

- That's the camera I was going to buy.

- Are you a camera nut, too?

- No.

Just a plain nut.

- Well, you see, I've spent all my hobby budget on the camera.

But, um, hey, if I'd known you had these comic books--

- You mean you would have bought em?

Here's, - Yes!

- And Mr. Wilson's first editions, too?

- Yeah, if I could have made a good deal.

- Mr. Dewey, I think it's just possible that you can!

- Wha--?

- Dennis, don't put your greasy finger on the lens.

A-a-and don't force the shutter release.

Dennis, don't--

- Don't worry, Mr. Wilson.

I won't hurt our camera!

- Our camera?

- Yes, sir!

Mr. Dewey traded it for your first editions

and my comic books, didn't he?

- Yes, but--

- Aw, go play in your own yard!

- Can I take some more? - Oh, uh--

- Wait a minute, Mr. Wilson.

I just want to take a couple a more pictures,

and then you can use our camera for a while.

- Well, what do you want to take a picture of that junk, for?

- Well, the next time my mom and dad make me clean up my room,

and they ask, "Dennis, don't you ever throw anything away?"

I'm gonna whip out this picture and show it to 'em!

- Oh, all right.

Go ahead.

All right, now let's have that.

- I'm not through yet!

I just have a few more to take!

- A few more?

- Yes, sir!

And here they come, now.

- Come on!

- Line up in back of here.

See?

There's Tommy, Freddie, Mary, Florence, Larry, and Eric.

Boy, at $0.10 apiece, this is better than selling comic

books! - Dennis!

You'll have that worn out b--

- Come on over here, Tommy!

- Oh, for Pete's sake.

- He's not gonna take your picture!

You're too fat!

[theme music]

ANNOUNCER: This has been a Screen Gems film production.