Original subtitles

- Alice, I'm home.

- Hi, Dad.

- Hi, son.

- Oh, hello, dear.

- A special delivery letter came for you.

Oh, I've been expecting that.

It's my bonus.

- I thought that's what it might be.

- And you didn't even open it?

Boy, what self-control.

- Dennis, in this family, we respect one another's privacy.

- That's right, son.

Your mother never opens my mail, and I never open hers.

And neither one of us ever open yours.

- You can if you want to.

All I ever get is a letter from grandma

on my birthday with a $1 in it.

And a card from grandma at Christmas with $1 in it.

And a catalog from the Joke Company.

- Joke Company?

What did you ever buy from the Joke Company.

- Any questions?

[theme music]

- Remember the twelfth.

Remember-- Eloise.

- Yes, dear.

- Eloise.

- What's the matter, dear?

That's the twelfth time you've called me.

- No, it's the first.

- Ah, no, dear, the twelfth.

Remember, we wanted to get married on the eighth

but you had to finish that magazine article,

so we couldn't get married until the twelfth.

- Oh, so that's what all these subtle little hints are about.

Well, you don't have to worry, dear.

If there's one thing I'll never forget as long as I live,

it's the day I got married.

What did you do that for?

- I didn't like the way you said that.

- I only meant that I know our anniversary is the twelfth.

- John, you remember what you promised me this anniversary?

- Promised you? [singing hawaiian tune]

- Singing lessons. - John.

Ooh!

- A gift certificate for a chiropractor?

- John Wilson, you promised me a trip to Hawaii.

- When did I do that?

- On our last anniversary when you remembered

that you'd forgotten to take me there on our anniversary

before that.

- Eloise, you know I have to finish that magazine article.

What was the name of it?

- Why single men live longer than married men.

- Bye, dear, have a good day.

- Thanks, honey.

- Oh, I wondered.

Have you given any thought to what

you're going to do with your bonus?

- Uh-huh.

But it's a secret.

- What are you going to do with your bonus, Dad?

- Can you keep a secret?

- Sure.

- I'm going to buy a new car.

- Oh, boy, a new car.

- Shh.

I'd like it to be a surprise.

- Say, Dad, can I tell Mr. Wilson?

- Well, I'd rather you didn't, son.

Mr. Wilson's libel to tell Mrs. Wilson,

and Mrs. Wilson is bound to tell your mother.

And well, you know women, they can't keep a secret.

- I dig you, Dad.

Have a good day.

- OK.

- Oh, Eloise.

- Don't Eloise me.

Hi,

- Mr. Wilson.

- Oh, hello, Dennis.

- Is Mrs. Wilson mad at you?

- Hoo-hoo, she certainly is.

- And you're laughing about it?

Boy, you sure are a brave man, Mr. Wilson.

Well, eh, to tell you the truth, Dennis.

Normally, I wouldn't be, but this is a special occasion.

- You mean this time you were right?

- Well, I'm always right, otherwise,

there wouldn't be any reason to argue.

No, you see, Mrs. Wilson is a little upset

about an anniversary.

- You didn't forget it, did you?

- No, no, nothing like that.

I, uh, I promised to take Mr. Wilson to Hawaii

for our anniversary, and she thinks I'm not,

but I really am.

- Oh, I see.

- You're putting her on.

- That's right.

I'm putting her on.

- Boy, Hawaii.

- Shh.

Not so loud.

Look, I'm going downtown to pick up the airplane tickets.

Want to ride with me?

- OK, but I'll have to let my mother know.

- Oh, well, don't tell her what we're going for

or she's sure to tell Mrs. Wilson.

You know how women are.

- Yeah, they can't keep a secret.

Wait for me.

- I will.

Aaah!

Remember the twelfth.

How could I ever forget it?

I'll probably carry a scar for the rest of my life.

- Now, let's see if I have this right, Mr. Wilson.

That's two round-trip tickets to Hawaii, flight 10,

Condor Airlines for the twelfth?

- Right.

- And I'll have these tickets delivered to your house

after they're confirmed by the airline.

I have your address.

- Thank you very much.

Oh, uh, just a second.

If they're sent to my house, and I don't happen to be,

my wife is bound to open the envelope,

and that will spoil everything.

- Does Mrs. Wilson open your mail?

- Doesn't your mother open your father's mail?

- No, sir.

- Oh, things must be heaven in your house.

- Hey, I've got an idea, Mr. Wilson.

Why don't you send the two tickets to our house

with Dad's name on them like you did

Mrs. Wilson's present last year?

Then even Mom won't know what it's for.

- Dennis, you're a bright boy.

- What's your father's name and address, young man?

- 627 Elm Street.

His name is Henry Mitchell.

Are you sure this is for Mr. Mitchell?

- That's what it says on the envelope, lady.

Sign here.

- All right.

Thank you.

Apex Travel Agency.

Dennis, in this family, we respect on another's privacy.

Apex.

Apex Travel Agency.

- Doesn't Mr. Mitchell live there?

That's the address the little boy give me.

What was his name?

Donald?

- Dennis?

- That's right, Dennis.

There are two tickets to Hawaii.

Please be sure that Mr. Mitchell gets them.

- Thank you.

Two tickets to Hawaii.

So that's what Henry did with his bonus.

Yippee!

- Thanks for stopping at the hobby shop, Mr. Wilson,

and for the soda.

- You're welcome, Dennis.

Oh, uh, don't forget to tell your father

to be on the lookout for those tickets.

- OK, Mr. Wilson.

Hi, Mom, going somewhere?

- It's just possible.

- Where?

- Dennis, do you and your father have some secret between you

about what he's going to do with his bonus money?

- Yes, ma'am, but I can't tell you.

- It's all right, dear, I think I know.

He's taking me to Hawaii.

- He is?

- Dennis, you know he is.

- No, ma'am, what I know isn't what you think I know.

- It's all right, Dennis.

They delivered an envelope for your father

from the Apex Travel Agency.

- And you opened it?

- Dennis, you know better than that.

I called them up, and they told me what was in it.

- Excuse me, Mom, I'll be right back.

- Where you going?

- I'm going over to see Mr. Wilson.

It's very important.

- Dennis, you said that your mother never

opens your father's mail.

- She doesn't.

The name of the travel agency was on the envelope.

Mom called them up, and they told her what was in it.

- Oh.

Well, the main thing is that Mrs. Wilson doesn't find out.

- John Wilson, guess who's going to Hawaii?

- Who? - Alice Mitchell.

She just told me.

- Mrs. Wilson you don't understand.

- Oh, I understand perfectly.

Some people's husbands take their wives to Hawaii.

Other people's husbands just promise and never do.

- Boy, we're in real trouble now, Mr. Wilson.

Mom thinks--

- Dennis, there's nothing to worry about.

When your mother finds out, she'll

just laugh off the whole thing.

- Isn't it wonderful, Mother?

I've always had my heart set on going to Hawaii.

- Oh, but can't you go to Philadelphia later?

You will?

Oh, thank you, Mother.

Thank you so much.

- Oh, I'm sorry I'm late, honey.

- You can be just as late as you like

you great big, wonderful man, you.

Oh, oh, sweetheart, I almost forgot.

There's an envelope on the table for you.

- Thanks.

Apex Travel Agency.

- I've got to talk to you about those tickets.

- What tickets?

- The ones in the envelope.

- Hawaii! - Shh.

Not so loud.

- Dennis, what's going on around here?

I'm sorry, John, I've got to tell Alice about those tickets.

- Oh, no, no, don't do it yet.

Alice would get on the phone to Eloise and spoil

the whole surprise.

- But--

- Now, look, I haven't had so much fun in years.

Oh, if you could only see how mad Eloise is at me.

Ah, come on, be a pal.

Let me enjoy myself.

- Well, I don't know.

- What possible harm could come from it?

- Mom's got one bag packed already.

- What?

- If you don't tell her soon, you're

really going to have to take her to Hawaii.

- You're right. Alice.

- Would you pour this for me please, dear?

Oh, no, no.

You can't come in yet.

- Why not?

- It's a surprise. - Surprise?

- Can't you smell it?

Mom's cooking your favorite, roast duck.

- Oh, boy, this is getting tougher by the minute.

Alice.

- Oh, Henry, you weren't supposed to come in yet.

- Honey, I've got to talk to you about this trip to Hawaii.

- Oh, sweetheart, if you only knew

how I've always dreamed about going there.

- Yes, but--

- White sand and the blue Pacific, orchids,

tropical moonlight, oh, we're going

to have such a wonderful time together, aren't we darling?

- Yeah, sure, honey.

- Put this on the table please, dear.

Sure, Mom. - Alice.

Yes, darling?

- Oh, nothing.

Dawg gonnit.

- You chickened out again, huh, Dad?

- Maybe I can help you.

- Well, somebody better.

I just don't know how I'm going to tell your mother.

- Tell me what.

- That you can't go to Hawaii.

- Why not, Dennis?

- Well, who's going to take care of me?

- Oh, that's right.

We can't leave Dennis with a total stranger.

- Would you call Grandma a total stranger?

- Grandma?

- I talked to mother, and even though she

was planning to go to Philadelphia in time

for Gertrude's baby, she's coming here instead.

So you see, I have nothing to worry about.

- Well, Dad, there's nothing to do but enjoy the duck.

- That's right.

Tonight roast duck, tomorrow cooked goose.

- Who's there?

- Uh, me.

- Well, what are you doing?

- I couldn't sleep.

- You woke me up to tell me you couldn't sleep.

- John, you've got to come over and tell Alice.

- Why?

- Well, you got me into this.

Look, its 2:00 AM.

- Well, I'm going to tell Eloise what you're doing if you're not

over there first thing in the morning to tell Alice.

- Don't do that.

- Tell Alice what first thing in the morning?

- Uh, Henry isn't taking Alice to Hawaii.

- You're not?

- I never had any intention of taking her.

- Oh, no wonder you couldn't sleep.

You're just as bad as John is.

- But--

- You two ought to start a club, the brother rats.

- See what I mean?

- Come on, John, right now.

- Now Henry, I'm an outsider.

She's your wife.

You should tell her.

- Alice?

- Is that you darling? - Alice, John Wilson's here.

He wants to talk to you.

- I'll be in as soon as I finish the dishes, sweetheart.

- You hear that?

Sweetheart, Darling, Honey Lamb?

- It's worse than I thought.

- Hi, Mr. Wilson.

You going to tell Mom the bad news?

- Dennis, I release you from your promise.

You can tell your mother anytime you want to.

I'll see you tomorrow.

- You got me into this, and you're

going to get me out of it.

[phone ringing]

- I'll get it, honey.

Hello.

Oh, hello, Eloise.

Yes, he's here. What?

What?

Thank you.

- Dear, John has something to tell you.

- We're not going to Hawaii.

- How did you find out?

- Eloise just called me.

Oh, well, as long as you know, there's

no use my sticking around.

Aloha.

- Oh, no, you're going to explain this whole thing to Alice.

- Well, I had the tickets sent over here,

because I didn't want Eloise to know about them.

I wanted the trip to be a surprise for our anniversary.

- You see, you just assumed they were for us.

- Well, why didn't somebody tell me?

- I couldn't, Mom.

Mr. Wilson swore me to secrecy.

- And I didn't have the nerve.

- You know, this is pretty funny.

- You see?

I told you she'd laugh about the whole thing.

- Yeah, Mom's a good sport.

- Then you're not angry, dear?

- Of course not.

Serves me right for jumping to conclusions.

I think it's a wonderful anniversary present Mr. Wilson.

Eloise must be so excited.

Oh, it's funny she never mentioned it.

- Who's going to Hawaii?

Alice, are you sure?

Oh, that rascal, John.

- My dog has fleas.

My dog has fleas.

- May I see it, Mr. Wilson?

- Well, be very careful of it, Dennis.

It's a genuine Hawaiian ukulele.

- Made in Japan.

- Good morning, you sweet Hawaiian beach boy.

- Eloise, not in front of Dennis.

- Boy, Mrs. Wilson, I bet you're all

excited about going to Hawaii, huh?

- Oh, I certainly am.

Well, how's your mother this morning?

- Fine.

She and my father went downtown to look at a new car.

That's what my Dad's going to do with his bonus.

- Oh, well, I'm glad to hear she's not upset.

- Oh, no ma'am.

She's very happy.

- You're not happy.

- Oh, yes I am.

- No, you're not.

- But I am.

I think it's just wonderful that we're going to get a new car.

- Sure, who wants to go to Hawaii?

Buying a new car is the best investment for my bonus.

- Absolutely.

- Why blow the whole thing on two weeks in Hawaii?

A new car is much more practical.

- Of course, it is, dear.

- Alice.

- What is it?

- I'm tired of being practical.

Good old practical Henry.

For once in my life I'm going to do something foolish.

- But Henry--

- Don't argue with me, Alice.

I've made up my mind.

We're going to Hawaii.

- Huh?

Oh, I'm sure it'll be all right.

Sure they're not going to Hawaii.

OK, I'll tell Mom.

Give my love to Aunt Gertrude, and tell her I hope it's a boy.

Bye, Grandma.

- Hi, Mom, there was a call--

- Dennis, guess what?

Your father and I are going to Hawaii.

- Yes, we talked it over and decided

we didn't need a new car.

- Who's going to take care of me?

- Your Grandmother.

- No she's not.

She just called, and I told her you weren't going to Hawaii,

so she's going to Philadelphia instead.

- Oh, dear.

- I'm sorry, Mom.

Looks like you'll never get to Hawaii.

- All right, thank you very much.

I'm sorry Mr. Gilbert, but there's only one seat

open on Flight 10.

- But I need two for my wife and myself.

- Well, if there's a cancellation,

I'll be sure and page you, Mr. Gilbert.

- Thank you.

- This seems to be quite a popular flight.

- Oh, yes, it's booked weeks in advance.

There you are, Mr. Wilson.

And have a good trip. - Aloha.

- Thank you.

- Oh, thank you.

- All set, Eloise.

Next stop Hawaii, lolling on the beach under the coconut trees.

And-- Louise, what's the matter?

- John.

What would you say if I told you I'd rather not go?

- Not go?

But you've been hounding me all year about this trip.

- I know, dear, but I keep thinking about Alice.

- Well, stop thinking about her.

- Well, I can't.

That poor girl was so disappointed.

She wanted to go so badly.

- But-- But we had a lot to do with her disappointment.

When I think about Alice, I just can't

seem to see myself having a good time there, dear.

Couldn't we postpone our trip until next year?

Now, dear, let's go home, and invite the Mitchells

for dinner for our anniversary.

- Eloise!

- Please?

AIRLINE ANNOUNCER (OFFSCREEN): Congo Airlines,

flight 10 for Hawaii now ready at gate 12.

All aboard, please.

- Well, if we're not going, I'd better turn our tickets in.

Uh, Miss, I want to cancel our reservations.

- Oh, well, is there something wrong?

- Yes, my wife and I are a perfect couple.

She has a soft heart, and I have a soft head.

- Oh?

Is that the reason?

- That's the reason, yes.

- Well, then, we'll have your check

mailed to you, Mr. Wilson. - Well, thank you.

Is our baggage in there?

- No, they're taking it out to the plane now.

- Oh, oh, thank you.

Eloise, they're taking me out for a drink.

Mr. Gilbert, please report to the Condor ticket

counter immediately.

Mr. Gilbert. Mr. Gilbert.

- There's the ticket counter.

- Mr. Gilbert.

Please report to the Condor ticket counter.

Mr. Gilbert.

- Excuse me, Miss.

Is there any chance of getting three seats on flight 10

to Hawaii?

- There might be.

I can't see them anyplace.

They must be on the plane already.

- Yeah, we'd better hurry before we get left behind.

- Oh, there they are.

- Eloise?

- Alice, we were just getting our baggage.

You'd better hurry, the plane's going to take off.

- It doesn't matter. Where not going.

- We are.

- What?

Well, Alice was so disappointed that I decided to use my bonus

and take the whole family.

- Including me. - Our tickets.

- Oh.

- Oh, Miss, I want my ticket back.

- I'm sorry, Mr. Wilson, I already

sold them to somebody else.

- Why did you do that?

- Well, you cancelled them.

Well, I've got to have them back.

Who did you sell them to?

Maybe I can make a deal with him.

- A Mr. Henry Mitcell.

- Isn't this heavenly?

- It's wonderful.

- Oh, my ribs.

- Ooh, that smells delicious.

- Genuine Hawaiian recipe.

Got it out of "Popular Mechanics".

- Oh, what was that for?

For being such a nice guy, and for letting

the Wilsons have their plane reservations back.

- Well, it was their anniversary.

I imagine they're in Hawaii by now.

Can't you just see Mr. Wilson walking up to the room clerk

and saying--

- Hi, Henry.

- Why would he say that?

- John!

- What are you doing here?

- We wanted to ask you the same question.

What are you doing here?

- Well, we were going to take the next plane,

but when I started to think about it calmly,

it made more sense to stay home and buy a new car.

- That's exactly what we thought you would decide.

Yes, but it didn't seem like it would be any fun there at all

without our two favorite people.

- Oh, John, that's nice.

- Oh.

- But we are definitely going on our next anniversary.

John promised.

Didn't you, John?

- Uh, well, what are we standing around here for?

Let's get this do-it-yourself luau on the road.

Oh, thank you.

- Oh, John, that looks marvelous.

[chattering]

- Give me a little room here.

- Mr. Wilson, Mrs. Wilson, I thought you were in Hawaii.

- Well, we changed our mind.

- Dennis, you're soaking wet.

- I've been practicing my surfing.

- Surfing, where?

- In the bathtub.

- In the bathtub?

With what?

- Your ironing board.

- My ironing--

- Don't worry, Mom.

I took the cover off.

[theme music]