Original subtitles

- Anything else?

I can't wait around.

Watch it!

Eloise, it's here.

- The letter from your publisher?

- No, our property tax bill from the city tax assessor.

Eloise, it's gone down.

$120 less than last year.

- Oh, that's nice dear.

- Nice? It's sensational.

And you said it won't work.

[laughs]

- John, if the city had to put a tax on personal property

in order to raise money, well, do

you think it's fair to palm this off

on the tax assessor as our furniture?

- Well, it worked, didn't it?

Now can we can get our good furniture out of the garage?

- $120 less than last year.

[chuckles] Come in.

- Hi, Mr. Wilson. Hi, Mrs. Wilson.

- Hello, dear.

- Did you get a tax bill this morning, Mr. Wilson?

- Did I?

- I think you got our bill by mistake.

- Henry Mitchell.

Oh.

Yes, I-- yes, I did.

- My dad thought that was what happened.

Here's yours. - Thank you.

- Mr. Wilson, I hate to mention it at a time like this,

but your week is up today.

Our explorer's club is going to have to charge you another

$0.50 rental on our clubhouse sofa.

- Eloise.

- What's the matter, dear?

- Our bill is $168 more than last year.

- No!

- How could the assessor raise our property tax that much

after seeing all this junk?

- Here's the reason.

Antique sofa.

Assessed value, $800.

- $800 for that?

- $800!

Boy, if we'd have known that, we would

have charged you $1 a week.

See you later!

[theme music]

- As your city tax assessor, I thought

I should explain why your tax bills are higher this year.

- They're higher because the city wastes money.

- Now, a lot of citizens think the city wastes money.

- You do.

- We don't. - Oh?

Who's paying for the television time?

- Even this television time is donated free.

- Ask a question, you get an answer.

- Is the mounting cost of education.

Now, this gentleman whom you will all

recognize as Mr. Cedric Sparks, the principal

of our elementary school, has come here today

to explain the reasons why education costs are going up.

- Thank you, Mr. Andrews.

[doorbell]

- Come in.

- Well, ladies and gentleman, there are many reasons--

- Hi, Mr. Wilson, hi, Mrs. Wilson.

- Hello, dear.

- Hey, that's Mr. Sparks.

- Quiet.

- I'm sorry to interrupt, Mrs. Wilson.

I just came over to ask if you had

an LP of Tchaikovsky's Romeo and Juliet Overture.

- If we have a what?

- Tchaikovsky's Romeo and Juliet overture.

- Did you ever year of it?

- Yes, I've heard of it.

I didn't think you had.

- John.

What do you need the record for, Dennis?

- We're putting on "Romeo and Juliet" at our school.

- Oh, well that's wonderful.

- Yes, ma'am.

Do you have the record, Mrs. Wilson?

We need it for background music.

- Well, I think so.

- Is it stereophonic?

- Well, does is have to be?

- That's the kind of equipment we have at our school.

- Stereophonic?

Who paid for it? - The school.

- Hmm.

When I went to school we didn't even

have an ordinary phonograph.

- Then how did you do rhythmic dancing?

- Rhythmic?

Dennis, just what goes on at that school of yours?

- You mean besides rhythmic dancing?

Well we have clay modelling, dramatic representations,

movies in the auditorium, and we watch

music appreciation on television.

- Clay modeling, movies, television?

What are you majoring, in advanced fiddle faddle?

- No, sir.

I'm going into engineering.

According to my aptitude test, I'm pretty good at mathematics.

- Aptitude test?

Do they still have that nonsense?

I took an aptitude test when I was in school.

Do you know what it showed?

- That you had an aptitude for being a writer?

- No.

A butcher.

Ha, no wonder they have to raise the taxes.

Squandering all that money for folderol.

Well, it's time the taxpayer fought back.

I'm going to write a letter to the newspapers.

- They had a picture of our new school bus on the front page

yesterday.

Boy, you should see it.

Tinted glass windows, foam rubber seats,

and a radio with stereophonic speakers.

- Well, isn't that peachy keen.

When I went to school we didn't have buses.

We walked.

No matter if it was 10 degrees below 0,

my mother would bundle me up, put my books in my arm,

and I'd trudge into the ice and snow.

- Gee, that must have been real hard,

Mr. Wilson, walking to school through the ice and snow.

- Oh, it wasn't too bad.

He lived right next door to the school.

- And as I have stated before, there

would be need to raise our property tax

if we got back to the three R's, reading, writing, arithmetic,

and do away with the three F's, fiddle faddle, folderol,

and frivolity.

- Boy, Mr. Wilson sure writes a powerful letter.

- He's wrong.

There's four F's in school.

- What's the fourth one, Seymour?

- Physical education.

- That starts with a P, dummy.

- "Pysical?"

- Hey, look.

The principal.

I wonder I he's read Mr. Wilson's letter yet.

- If he hasn't, I'd better warn him.

Hi, Mr. Sparks.

- Oh, how are you, Dennis?

- Fine.

Did you see Mr. Wilson's letter in the newspaper?

- Yes.

That's why I'm here.

- Oh.

He sure is mad. - Yes.

Somehow he's gotten the wrong impression about our school.

- Well, I don't know how he could have.

I told him exactly what we do.

- Oh?

- I bet if he could spend a day in school he'd change his mind.

- [chuckles] A day in-- a day in school?

- A lot of good it would do me to spend a day in school.

You'd only show me what you wanted me to see.

- Not if you were a pupil.

- A pupil? Me?

- Mr. Sparks, must you put him in my class?

What will I do with him?

- Treat him like any other student.

Don't make any allowances.

- Mr. Sparks, he isn't--

- Miss Williams, the school board and I agree.

John Wilson has asked for it.

Every pupil must register.

- Oh, all right.

More wasting time.

Paper.

Effort.

Anything else?

- Well, there's just one more thing.

Your aptitude test.

- Aptitude test?

Now you know how I feel about--

- Yes, I read your comment about them in the paper.

Oh, by the way, there's only one P in aptitude.

- Oh, well, that was the proofreader's mistake.

Now, as far as I am concerned, aptitude tests

are a waste of time.

- Did you ever take one in school?

- Oh ho, I certainly did.

- Well, this is very interesting.

Did it show that you had an aptitude for writing?

- No, it showed I had an aptitude for being

a-- the whole thing is a lot of nonsense.

- Let's start with the word association test.

Now, you know that goes.

I'll give you a word and you give me the word

that you associate with it.

For instance, if I say grass you would say green.

- No.

I would say cow.

- Whatever comes into your head.

- Ax.

- Chop.

- Author.

- Bacon.

- Tent.

- Steak.

- Argument.

- Bee.

- Afraid.

- Chicken.

- Mystery.

- Hamburger.

- Scale.

- Thumb.

Oh, now this is ridiculous.

What does it prove?

- Well, Mr. Wilson, this is just a very small part of the test.

But so far it indicates you have a leaning

toward being a butcher.

- Mr. Sparks, I don't care what it indicates.

I am a writer, as you will discover

when you read my articles about your school system.

Now, what time should I be here tomorrow morning?

- 9 o'clock.

And please be prompt.

- I have never been late to school in my life,

even when I had to trudge through the ice and snow.

- Come on, Mr. Wilson, we'll be late.

- Where's that stereophonic bus?

- We missed it. you took so long getting ready

now we'll have to walk to school.

Come on, I'll show you a shortcut.

- Dennis, wait for me.

Dennis, wait for me.

[bell rings]

- Good morning, children.

- Good morning, Miss Williams.

- Saved by the bell, Dennis.

Now, children, our first--

- OK.

Good morning.

- Good afternoon.

You're late.

- Well, I'm sorry.

- One of the first lessons we learn in school is promptness.

All your other classmates managed to be here on time.

- Well they didn't have to shave.

- Children, children.

Take your seat, Johnny.

- Johnny?

- That is your name? - Yes.

- Yes what?

- Yes that is my name.

- No, no.

Yes ma'am or yes Miss Williams.

Courtesy.

That is the second thing we learn in school.

- Yes ma'am, Miss Williams.

- Now, our first subject this morning is history.

Will you all go to the supply closet and get some clay?

- Clay?

What has that got to do with history?

- You'll find out.

- Just a moment, children.

Johnny, did you want to say something?

- Uh, no, ma'am, Miss Williams.

You'll read what I have to say in the newspaper.

- All right, children, get your clay.

Johnny.

Aren't you going to join in the history lesson?

- Well, I will if I can get out of my seat.

- I'll bring you some.

- Oh, thank you, Dennis.

- That's OK, Johnny.

Uh, I mean, Mr. Wilson.

How you doing?

How do you like history?

- History.

Fiddle faddle.

- That's a very nice vase, Margaret.

That's a good looking cup, Tommy.

And that's a very vase too, Dennis.

- Thanks, Miss Williams.

- And Johnny, that's a very nice, um--

- Looks like an ash tray.

- Thanks, Dennis, but it's supposed to be a soap dish.

- Of course, a soap dish.

And the soap goes in here.

- You've got it upside down.

- Very interesting.

Children, look at Johnny's soap dish.

Now, you might be interested to know

that the early Aztecs, whose civilization we're

going to study now, made household implements out

of the same kind of clay that we're using.

- The same kind of play that we're using?

That's a sneaky way to get into a history lesson.

- Johnny?

Do you have some comment to make?

- I certainly do.

If you're going to teach history, teach history.

Don't sneak up on it with a blob of clay.

- We do not criticize our teacher.

- Now see here--

- And we do not talk back to our principal.

Do you understand?

- Yes sir.

[music playing]

- What's the matter, Mr. Wilson?

Don't you take arithmetic?

- Arithmetic yes, but what's this?

- It's the twist, Mr. Wilson.

Come on, get with it.

[cheering]

- Atta boy, Mr. Wilson.

- Back to your seats.

Quickly children, quickly.

All right, you've heard the record.

Now Here's the problem.

The record was played at a speed of 45 revolutions per minute.

It lasted exactly two minutes and 10 seconds.

- That's exactly two minutes too long.

- Shh!

She'll send you back to the principal's office.

- Now, the vocal portion of the record

lasted one minute and 15 seconds.

What percentage of the total number of revolutions

was taken up by the instrumental part?

I'd like the answer expressed in decimals.

Are there any questions?

Yes, Johnny?

- I don't have a pencil.

- Here's one, Mr. Wilson.

- Oh, thank you, Dennis.

- Fine.

Now, as soon as you get the answer, raise your hand.

Johnny, do you have the answer so soon?

- No, I forgot the question.

- I'll tell it to him, Miss Williams.

- All right.

But you'd better hurry.

The others are working.

Just a moment, children.

- But that's the lunch bell, Miss Williams.

- You will remain in your seats until I dismiss you.

Johnny hasn't finished yet.

- I've got it.

- What's the answer, Johnny?

- 4.331%.

- That's wrong.

The answer is 43.331%.

- Well, I had the right numbers.

- Yes, but you put the decimal point in the wrong place.

Dennis, you're our best mathematician.

Will you tell Johnny where he made his mistake?

- Right here.

You forgot to move the decimal point.

You see, when you divide a decimal by a decimal,

you move the decimal point of the divisor to the right

until it becomes a whole number, and the decimal

point of the dividend an equal number of places to the right.

- Oh.

- Thank you, Dennis.

Class dismissed.

- How do you like school, Mr. Wilson?

- Well, it's very interesting.

- You must be some kind of a nut.

- I beg your pardon?

- Why do you go to school when you don't have to?

- Well, I'm doing research.

- I guess it's a lot different than when you went to school.

- It certainly is.

When I went to school, we didn't spend our history period

playing with play.

- What'd you do in history, Mr. Wilson?

- We studied Abraham Lincoln.

- Was he in your class?

- No, he was a class or two ahead of me.

- We had show and tell in my class this morning.

- Oh?

And what's that?

- Little kids bring something from home

and show it to the class and tell them about it.

- Oh.

And what did you bring, Seymour?

- My baby sister.

- Come on, you guys.

We better finish our lunch.

The bell's going to ring any minute now.

- And what do we have after lunch?

- Science and literature.

- Now we're getting to the fundamentals of education.

[bell rings]

- Um, Seymour, where can I throw this?

- On the ground.

- Really? - Yeah.

- Oh.

- Hey, pick it up.

- What?

- Pick it up.

- I will not.

Who do you think you are?

- Lunch monitor.

- Now see here--

- Just for that, pick up all the papers in the yard.

- All the papers?

- Want me to call the principal?

- Hey Mr. Wilson, what are you doing?

- Well, I'm picking up the papers.

Seymour more ordered me to do it.

- [laughs] Did you fall for that lunch monitor bit?

He always pulls that trick on new students

when it's his turn to pick up the yard.

- Why, that miserable--

- Miss Williams sent me to get you.

We're starting our science lesson.

- Oh.

- Better hurry up.

- Wilson.

Pick up that piece of paper.

You should be ashamed of yourself.

After someone has gone to the trouble

of cleaning up the whole yard.

- Sun, Mercury, Venus, the Earth.

The third planet from the sun.

Dennis is our sun.

Now we need somebody to be the Earth.

Who would make the best Earth?

- How about Mr. Wilson?

[cheering]

- Children, children, children.

Looks like you're elected, Johnny.

Now, what does the Earth do?

Margaret?

- It revolves around the sun.

- That's right.

- Now, should we have some kind of a song

to help the earth revolve around the sun?

- I know.

Why don't we sing "All Around the Mulberry Bush"

and change it to "All Around the Sun We Go?"

- Very good, Dennis.

Let's try it.

- Fiddle faddle.

- All right class.

- [singing] All around then sun we go,

the sun we go, the sun we go.

- Earth, start revolving.

- [singing] So early in the morning.

This is the way the--

- Sing, Earth.

- [singing] Goes round, the Earth goes round.

This is the way the Earth goes round, so early in the morning.

- Very good.

No, no, Earth.

We're not through yet.

Now how long does it take the Earth to go around the sun?

Tommy?

- 365 days.

- That's right.

Now how do we get our days?

- The earth rotates on its axis every 24 hours.

- As it revolves around the sun.

Now let's have our Earth revolve and rotate.

Children.

- [singing] All around the sun we go,

the sun we go, the sun we go.

All around the sun we go--

- You're not rotating.

- [singing] So early in the morning.

This is the way the earth goes round, the earth goes round,

the Earth goes round.

This is the way the Earth goes round so early in the morning.

All around the sun we go, the sun we go, the sun we go.

[crashing]

- Mr. Wilson!

Are you all right?

- Dennis, help me.

- I'm sorry, Mr. Wilson.

We don't have first aid until Friday.

How you feeling now, Mr. Wilson?

- Oh, the room is still revolving around the sun.

- Hello, Dennis.

- Hi, Mr. Andrews.

- Andrews, aren't you through yet?

- You asked for a reassessment of your property tax,

Wilson, and that's what I'm trying to give you.

I'll be through as soon as I finish checking off this room.

- Checking?

Looks more like snooping.

- Say, this isn't the same antique sofa

that was here when I made my original assessment.

- That wasn't Mr. Wilson's sofa.

- Dennis.

- He's right in here, Mr. Sparks.

- Thank you, Mrs. Wilson.

Dennis, hello.

Wilson.

Mr. Andrews, what are you doing here?

- I demanded a reassessment.

That's what he's doing here.

What are you doing here?

- I just dropped in to tell you how sorry I

am about what happened to you in school.

- Oh, you'll be a lot sorrier when

you read that series in the newspapers.

I never saw such folderol.

Clay modeling, the twist, aptitude tests,

and the Earth revolving around the sun.

Oh.

- There.

Here you are, Wilson.

- Why, that's more than what it was before.

- Well, that's what it comes to.

- Wait a minute, Mr. Andrews.

You made a mistake.

- Mistake?

- Yes, sir.

The total should be $98 less.

You see, when you divide, you move the decimal point

to the right.

We learned that in school today, didn't we Mr. Wilson?

- Well, yes, we did.

When you divide a decimal by a decimal,

you move the decimal point of the divisor to the right

until it becomes a whole number.

And the decimal point of the dividend

an equal number of places to the right.

I should think you'd know that, Mr. Andrews.

- You know, he's right.

You're a bright boy, Dennis.

- Yes, he is.

Especially in mathematics.

His aptitude test proves that.

- Oh, then you don't think aptitude tests are just

a bunch of fiddle faddle.

- Uh, well--

- And you did learn something in school today.

It wasn't all folderol.

- Well--

- And learning by doing isn't just frivolity.

- Well, I--

- Mr. Wilson, you're a big man to admit it.

- Well-- well, it is an interesting method of teaching

once you get to understand it.

- I'm sure you're going to explain it

in those articles you're going to write for the newspaper.

- Well, I--

- Good.

I'll be looking forward to reading them.

- Well, here's your reassessment, Mr. Wilson.

$98 less than I thought it was.

Thanks to Dennis's alertness.

- And here's something else for you.

Miss Williams asked me to give it to you.

It's your report card.

- Oh.

- Come on, Andrews.

Bye Dennis.

- Bye Mr. Sparks.

Bye Mr. Andrews. - Bye, Dennis.

- What'd you get on your report card?

- Uh, nothing really, nothing.

- Goodbye, Mr. Sparks.

- Goodbye, Mrs. Wilson. - Goodbye.

What's that, dear?

- It's Mr. Wilson's report card.

- Report card?

Let me see it.

- Oh, now, Eloise.

- Oh, John, you always ask Dennis to show you his report card.

F in history, F in science, F in arithmetic.

F in recess?

- Boy, that's great, Mr. Wilson.

Nobody's never gotten an F in recess before.

You go to school for one day and you set a new record.

[theme music]

- This has been a Screen Gems film production.