Original subtitles

[theme music]

[door slams]

- Hey Mom, Dad.

- Young man, where have you been?

- Over helping Mr. Wilson with a crossword puzzle.

And you know something?

He thinks I'm pretty smart.

- He does, does he? - Yeah.

He just said if he had his way, I'd be going away to college

next year.

[theme music]

- If you were allergic to foods, pollens, or dusts John,

that test would've produced red patches on your arm by now.

- Well I must be allergic to something.

- But at times John's eyes water so we can hardly work doctor.

- Hmm.

Maybe you're allergic to work John.

[laughs]

- Very funny.

And what am I supposed to do the next time

I start sneezing my head off?

Those quack pills you gave me didn't do any good.

- Well the next time you start sneezing be sure

and called me up.

- Call you?

Whatever for?

- So I can come over and watch you be miserable.

[laughs]

- Bye Eloise.

- Bye

- Ugh, some doctor.

I could be dying and all he'd give

me are bum jokes and those quack pill.

[door bell rings]

- Now who could that be?

- Well now that's a silly question.

Who else comes over to bother me every time

I'm about to start an article?

- Hi Mrs. Wilson.

- Hello dear.

- Mom asked me to return this.

- Oh thank you dear.

- Morning Mr. Wilson.

You working?

- No Dennis.

I'm sitting here staring at my typewriter.

- What's this one about?

- This is called What We Know About The Planets.

And it has to be in by Friday.

So if you'll excuse me.

- Boy, planets should make a swell article.

Do you know much about planets Mr. Wilson?

- Only that the one that I am on is a little too small at times.

Now if you'll-- if you'll--

[sneeze]

- Bless you Mr. Wilson.

You got hay fever?

You sneeze every time I come over lately.

- Dennis will you-- what did you say?

- I said you sneeze every time I come over lately.

- Eloise!

- Allergic to Dennis?

That's not possible.

- No it doesn't seem possible John.

- Well according to Doctor Johnson, Henry,

who I just talked to.

Although admittedly rare, there are

cases on file of one human being allergic to another.

- I'm completely flabbergasted.

- Well, not that I doubt your word John,

but this is something I've got to see with my own eyes.

[sigh]

- You mean you can make Mr. Wilson sneeze just

by being around him?

- Not even tickling his nose?

- Or using sneezing powder?

- That's right.

Every time I go over there lately he sneezes like crazy.

- Ah, go on Dennis.

- We weren't born yesterday you know.

- All right, wise guys, we'll go next door and I'll show ya.

- Dennis.

Come in the house a minute, will you son?

- I'll be right out.

I hope.

If it's about my frog Sammy using your bath water

dad-- oh hi Mr. Wilson.

Hey guys, come around to the window

if you wanna see something.

- Dennis.

- Hey Mom, did Mr. Wilson tell you

about the crazy way I made him sneeze?

- Yes dear, he certainly did.

- Yes Dennis, that's precisely why I'm he--

[sneeze]

- Bless you Mr. Wilson.

- Oh Dennis, never mind.

- Did you see that guys?

- I just heard it.

- Make him do it again Dennis. - All right, fellas.

The show is over.

[sneeze]

- Dennis wait out in the hall dear.

- I never would have believed it.

- Wait a minute.

Mr. Wilson, do you think it could it

be something Dennis is wearing?

- Maybe a soap he's using.

- Harry that's it!

I just changed Dennis's soap last week,

the one that's supposed to get dirt off little boys easier.

- Well I suppose I could be allergic to soap.

- You see what happens when you worry

about me being clean all the time?

- Well you'll just have to take a bath and use the old soap.

- Well I sure wish I could make somebody sneeze like that.

- Me too.

- Hey guys I gotta take a bath.

- A bath?

- In the middle of the day?

- Yeah.

My folks think Mr. Wilson is sneezing around me

because of some dumb old soap I'm using.

- You mean you're going to take an extra bath just

on account of Mr. Wilson?

- Sure Tommy.

Mr. Wilson's a good friend of mine.

See ya later.

- Boy, who needs a friend like that?

- It's bad enough when you get older and have

to be clean all the time.

- I'll never be that old.

- How's the great experiment coming along?

- He's combing his hair.

I had him put on all clean cotton clothing

just in case Mr. Wilson's allergic to synthetics.

- Honey, you don't think this is an insidious plot hatched up

by John Wilson to keep Dennis from bothering him, do you?

Just a thought.

- I'm all set Mom.

- Well off you go to do battle with Mr. Wilson's nose.

- Boy, if I were any cleaner I'd feel sick.

- It is kind of a shock to the nervous system, isn't it?

- Sure is.

- Well Eloise, in a few minutes I'll

know whether I've gotten that pint size

nuisance out of my hair for good.

- Oh John, you like Dennis and you know it.

- I like kangaroos too.

But I don't want them hopping around

when I'm trying to write.

Besides, they don't ask question.

[door bell rings]

- Come in, Dennis.

- Hi Mrs. Wilson.

- Hello dear.

- You ready to smell me Mr. Wilson?

- My, don't you look nice.

- Oh boy, you're not sneezing Mr. Wilson.

- Oh give me time Dennis, give me time.

Well Eloise, I guess I'm not--

[sneeze]

- Maybe it was one left over.

[sneeze]

- Jeepers Mr. Wilson.

What can we do now?

- Little friend, there's only one thing we can do.

We--

[sneeze]

- Stay away from each other for the rest of our natural life.

- You mean we can't be pals anymore?

- Oh, yes of course we can Dennis.

Uh, a pen pal.

- How's it coming dear?

- Oh, slow.

So.

However Eloise, a modern record is about to be set.

I haven't been bothered once by Dennis

in an entire 24 hour period.

- Oh John.

- For my part, it couldn't come at a better time.

If I do a good job on this article

it may open up an entire new market for me

in space age writing.

- John, isn't that still the first page?

Now dear, I thought you did all your research last week.

- Eloise, one just doesn't sit down

and write a scientific article about planets.

- Oh.

Does one visit a few of them first dear?

Oh!

I see Dennis has made friends with Mr. Haynes.

They're over in the park playing checkers.

- They are?

Eloise, I couldn't care less.

- So you think you got me, huh?

- No Mr. Haynes.

But I think you think I've gotcha.

- Oh nuts!

- John, there's enough paper in here

to have written nine articles.

- I know why I can't get started.

It's too quite here.

- Let's play something.

- What do you want to play?

- I don't care.

What do you want to play Seymour?

- I'm hungry.

- Can't you boys make any more noise than that?

- I'm tired.

- Seymour, you've been here less than an hour.

- Are you really going to give us each a time Mr. Wilson, just

for sitting here and making noises?

- I am.

- I think he flipped his lid.

- Seymour, I'm not employing you as my psychiatrist.

- I want my dime now.

- All right, all right.

I'll give you all your dimes now.

Oh my goodness.

Here you are.

There's yours, yours.

- Thanks a lot Mr. Wilson.

- And there's yours.

- It's OK I guess.

- Oh come on fellas.

Can;t you make some real noise?

[scream]

- Seymour, not that kind of noise.

As if you were playing football or something.

- OK.

Throw it here.

- Here it comes.

- I've got it.

Got it!

- Oh no you don't.

I got a touchdown!

- What do you mean touchdown?

- Yeah Seymour, what do you mean touchdown?

- I want extra dimes, they're yelling at me.

- All right fellas, that's enough.

- Didn't our noise help you think better Mr. Wilson?

- Well I hoped it would, Tommy, but it simply is not working.

- Gee, that's tough.

- Yeah.

Well, goodbye boys.

- Bye Mr. Wilson.

Thanks for the dime.

- Yeah thanks.

- Hi Mr. Wilson!

- Dennis, what are you doing here?

- Well I know I shouldn't be here Mr. Wilson.

But I just had to say hello on my way home.

- Well, hello.

- How's the article coming?

- Oh Dennis, don't you start.

- Start what Mr. Wilson?

- Dennis, I have been sitting at this unholy typewriter

like a bump on a log for two days,

and I'm in no mood-- wait a minute.

I think I have an opening.

- See Mr. Wilson.

I'm bringing you good luck and you're not even sneezing.

- Please Dennis, don't you see that I'm-- I'm-- I'm--

[sneeze]

- Guess I'm still doing it to you after all, huh Mr. Wilson?

[sneeze]

- What's going on here?

- Hi Mrs. Wilson.

I've just stopped by to--

[sneeze]

- Oh Dennis.

- I'm going.

Bye Mr. Wilson.

Bye Mrs. Wilson.

- Goodbye dear.

[sneeze]

- That darn kid.

- Man, who only yesterday, as measured by the sands of time

thought of his world as flat and huge,

is today turning the genius of his intellect

towards that vast infinity of universe that surrounds him.

Oh John, that's good!

- There's only one thing wrong with it Eloise.

- Well what's that dear?

- I can't write like that unless Dennis is bothering me.

- If he's here, I sneeze my silly head off.

- Oh.

DENNIS (ON RECORDER) Hi, Mr. Wilson.

How's it going this afternoon?

You busy, huh?

How you feeling Mr. Wilson?

[inaudible] Mr. Wilson?

Have you ever had false teeth Mr. Wilson?

Have you seen a hungry looking lost

goat around here Mr. Wilson?

ALICE (OFFSCREEN): Well I called Doctor Johnson again.

But he has no new suggestions for-- a lost goat?

DENNIS (ON RECORDER): Hi, Mom.

Poor Mr. Wilson's paying me $0.50 just to bother

him on this tape recorder.

Well I'm just saying anything that I--

- It's no use Eloise.

Dennis has bothering down to such a fine art

it has to be done in person.

- The tape wouldn't work?

Aw, I'm sorry dear.

- Well that settles it.

- Settles what?

- Eloise, I have grown accustomed to Dennis

bothering me while I work.

Just as other people have grow accustomed to hives.

When they stop scratching it's throws their entire schedule

off.

Well my entire schedule is off.

And it will stay off unless I do something drastic, and now!

[hammering]

- Henry come here.

[hammering]

- John Wilson, you are being ridiculous.

Now dear, putting the house up for sale

is not going to help you write that article by Friday.

- Eloise, I have made up my mind.

- What's going on over here?

You folks decide to move to the right side of the tracks?

- Hello Henry.

Meet the nut of the month.

- No use Henry.

When a writer can't work he has only two alternatives,

to move to a new environment or starve to death.

- And as you could see from the shape John's in,

it with take him years to starve to death.

- I don't understand John.

Has Dennis been around making your allergy flare up again?

I told him to stay away.

- Dennis hasn't been around.

John's upset because he hasn't.

He misses him.

- I am not upset, and I do not miss him.

Well I mean, well this is a difficult problem Henry.

I'm not sure that I understand it myself.

It's simply that I can not work unless Dennis is around

bothering me.

But I-- I can't have him around because, well he

makes me sneeze my head off.

- Hmm.

That is a problem.

- Well it's true.

John Wilson's putting a for sale sign up on his house.

- A for sale sign?

Do you mean Mr. Wilson's going to sell his house

and move away?

- Yes Dennis.

Mr. Wilson has quite a problem.

- Boy.

I never thought he'd take it this hard.

- Well dear, it's nothing to blame yourself for.

- Who else can you blame mom?

When a swell guy like Mr. Wilson can't work with me around,

and he's going to move away because I

make him sneeze all the time.

Now remember Willy, you're not to fight

with Hortense after I'm gone.

She's a girl. ALICE (OFFSCREEN): Dennis.

- Oh goodness, you got in bed fast,

- You said it.

- I wouldn't worry about Mr. Wilson moving away.

Things usually have a way of working out dear.

- Goodnight Mom.

- Goodnight dear.

- Goodbye Sam.

It was nice know you.

I'd take you with me Sam, but I'm

going to have enough trouble just having one mouth to feed.

[music playing]

- Ah [inaudible], that makes $968,000.22 you owe me.

- Kill joy?

- I'll play you double or nothing.

- What?

I should work myself up to practically

being a millionaire only to be wiped out by a game of chance?

- Hi Excuse me.

Could you gentlemen tell me when the next freight

train comes through?

- Well that depends boy on where you're going.

- Anywhere.

Are you gentlemen hobos?

- We prefer to be known as the gentry of the open road.

- That's what I want to be too.

I'm Dennis, Dennis Mitchell.

- Well how do you do Dennis?

I am Cecil Thorp, the third.

- How do you do Mr. Thorp Third?

- Hi Dennis.

I'm Slim.

- How do you do Mr. Slim?

- Just call me Hog, boy.

- Glad to make your acquaintance Mr. Hog.

- Sit down Dennis. Sit down.

Now then Dennis, it's not easy to join our little club,

you know?

- It's not?

- Well certainly not.

To begin with, you gotta a write your poor ole mother every day.

And you gotta wash behind your ears twice a day.

- Twice a day?

- Of course.

What do you think we are, bums?

- And last but not least, you got to have an awful good reason

to run away from home.

You ain't married, are ya?

- Heck no.

But I got another good reason.

My best friend's moving away, and it's all my fault.

- That bad, huh?

- If you let me travel with you gentleman

I won't be trouble at all.

I learn awful fast.

I don't even snore.

- Well, well.

Well then, just smack yours lips over this stew, boy.

- Thanks

- And please give my frog Sam to Tommy.

And tell him not to let Sam eat too many

flies before bedtime because he gets indigestion.

PS, I'm sorry I caused my good friend Mr. Wilson all

this trouble, and hope now that I'm leaving he'll

stay here and be able to write OK, especially by Friday.

Dennis.

- We notified the police as soon as we found it.

- Yes, now we're out to do some looking for ourselves.

- Well I'll go with you.

- Oh thanks Mr. Wilson. - Goodbye

- Goodbye Mrs. Wilson.

- Goodbye, good luck.

- Poor kid, he's got big troubles for a little boy.

- He's got big troubles?

I owe $968,000 and only got $0.64.

- You're in trouble?

I've got to collect $968,000 from a dead beat.

[laughing]

[yelling] - Hold it!

Hold it!

Believe me folks, every available man on the force

is out looking for Dennis.

I'm just as concerned as you are.

- Then why aren't you out running around

on your big flat feet Mooney? - Yeah.

Somebody has to mind the store.

- Mooney, unless that child is found with-- with-- with--

[sneeze] - Uh.

For a minute I thought--

- Excuse me Sergeant.

John smell this hat.

- Why should-- why should--

[sneeze] - Stop it!

He's sneezing right in my hat!

- Sergeant, do you use some sort of hair tonic?

- I do.

Rose blossom.

It's odorless to humans.

But boy, how it drives dogs wild. [laughs]

- Evidently dogs and Mr. Wilson.

- Same thing.

- Now listen Mooney!

- Please John.

Honey?

- It's no use dear.

Dennis doesn't use hair tonic.

- Sergeant, we have something here to leave with you.

[yelling]

- Easy now, easy.

- Is he all right?

- Just tuckered out is all ma'am.

- Oh thank goodness.

[sneeze]

- That's the happiest sneeze I've ever had Henry.

- But where did you find him?

- He dropped by our modest track side resort.

- Track side resort?

I thought I told you--

- Shhh!

- (WHISPERING) Sergeant, if you please.

- (WHISPERING) Sergeant, let us not be loud and crude.

- Loud and crude?

- Shhh!

[sneeze] - Shhh!

- I'm his mother.

I don't know how to thank you.

- Well I do.

- Oh no John, this is my pleasure.

- Money?

- Sir, we are insulted.

We wouldn't dream of accepting recompense

for helping a fellow hobo.

- Fellow hobo?

- They mean you John.

- We mean Dennis.

We voted him an honorary member of our elite little clan.

- Bye kid.

- When he wakes up ma'am, will you tell him goodbye?

- I certainly will.

- Ah, you boys aren't leaving our fair little city are you?

- No offense man sergeant, it simply

lacks the cultural pursuits which interest us.

- Dennis.

Dennis wake up son.

- Hi Mom.

Hi Dad.

What am I going here?

- You fell asleep dear, and your friends brought you here.

- Gee wiz, why did they go do a dumb thing like that?

- Hello Dennis.

[sneeze]

- Dennis, have you been using a hair tonic called

rose blossom without telling us?

- How did you find out?

- Well dear, why did you keep it a secret?

- Well because a guy my age ought to be

able to make his dumb old cowlick stay down

without using that-- that greasy kid stuff.

- Know what Dennis, I use rose blossom too.

To make my dumb old cowlick stay down.

[sneeze]

- But Saturn's most remarkable feature

is its system of rings that it--

- Gee Mr. Wilson, isn't it swell that me new hair tonic

doesn't make you sneeze?

- Dennis, as you can take yourself,

and your new hair tonic, and you can just--

- John!

- Eh, go and sit down, and keep me

company until this article is finished.

- OK Mr. Wilson.

Since you really need me.

- Dennis, I need you like a dog needs a flea.

Powder

- You know something?

Mr. Haynes is a nice man.

But as far as I'm considered, there's only one Mr. Wilson,

and you're him!

- There, now aren't you lucky dear?

- Oh, I'm the luck-- luck-- lucky one all right Eloise.

[laughing]

- Well I'm lucky too because-- cause-- cause--

[sneeze]

- Jeepers Mr. Wilson, you aren't using rose blossom hair tonic

to make your cowlick stay down, are ya?

- Oh for crying out loud.

[theme music]