Original subtitles

[squishing]

- What the heck is that noise?

- I don't know.

I called Dennis to breakfast a few minutes ago,

but that doesn't sound like him.

- Maybe he has a new pet.

- A pet?

- Well, he's always bringing home stray cats and dogs.

Maybe he brought home a stray elephant.

- I wouldn't put it past him.

- Morning mom.

Morning dad.

- Dennis!

Whe-- Where did you get those awful things?

- I sent away for them.

Aren't they funny?

- Very funny.

Why don't you ever send away for something useful?

- Useful things aren't any fun, dad.

- Oh, I don't know, Henry.

Those might be very useful.

Hand me one of them, would you, dear?

Thank you, dear.

Now, you see Henry, if Dennis doesn't sit right down

and eat his breakfast, this would make a dandy paddle.

[theme music]

- Fielding is like all publishers.

Always complaining.

No matter how good my articles are, he's never satisfied.

- Hold still, dear.

Write something more colorful, he says.

Something more exciting, he says.

What does he want for $0.10 a word?

Hemingway?

- Hold still, dear.

- Well, if he thinks taking us to dinner at the hotel

is going to make up for his snide remarks,

he's very much-- [grumbling].

- Oh, I'm terribly sorry John.

Now dear, if you'll just hold still, that won't happen again.

You know, Mr. Fielding does have a point.

That last article you did wasn't exactly Nobel Prize stuff.

My Friend the Guppy?

- Well, I was stuck for a subject that week.

- Oh, you were indeed.

Dennis running over here all the time.

I-- I couldn't even think that weel.

- Poor little Dennis.

He gets blamed for everything.

- Boy they sure are funny, Dennis.

You should've worn them to school today.

- I will tomorrow.

Hey, let's go over and shows Mr. Wilson how they look.

Mr. Wilson! Mr. Wilson!

- Eloise, if there's one thing I do not need today,

it's Dennis Mitchell.

Let's go.

[knocking]

DENNIS (OFFSCREEN): It's me, Dennis!

- You could at least go tell him.

- Don't let him hear your voice.

We'll be late.

[knocking]

- Nobody home, huh?

- I guess not.

- Aw heck.

- I sure did wanna surprise him.

Hey, wait a minute.

Maybe he's out back by the garage.

OK dad.

I'm ready to go.

- Oh no.

Dennis, you are not wearing those ridiculous feet

to school.

Now take them off right this minute.

- Aw heck.

- You know perfectly well your teacher

won't let you weae those.

- OK mom.

We wouldn't have much time for them anyhow.

We're getting off at noon today.

- Oh, how come?

- They're having some kind of a teachers' meeting.

- Oh.

Well, be good boys today, both of you.

- Bye sweet heart.

- John, did you see this article in the second section

about the monster? - No.

What has my editor done now?

- Not Mr. Fielding.

It says here Bigfoot monster strikes again.

- Oh, that, yeah.

- Mr. Watts, who has a farm in the hills out west of here,

heard a commotion in his barnayrd Tuesday night,

and when he rushed outside, he heard some huge creature

running away through the brush.

- Oh sure, sure.

- The monster, which had stolen a pig but dropped it in flight,

left huge, manlike tracks measuring

nearly two feet in length.

- Eloise, that story crops up every year,

and the monster always steals a pig.

- Yes, I know, but it--

- Did the farmer see it?

No.

Nobody ever sees it.

They just hear it crashing through the bushes.

- Well, that's true, but--

- Mysterious monster strikes again.

Bigfoot.

What is it?

Is it man, or is ti beast?

I'll tell you what it is.

It's a lot of baloney.

Now, coming out?

- You know, John, this picture could be real.

- When you just hang on to your childlike faith, my dear.

All I can say is-- Jump Johowsefat!

- You don't have to be insulting about it.

- It's him, Eloise!

He was here!

In our yard.

- What?

- Ld Bigfoot, the-- the monster.

He was in this yard last night.

- Oh.

Oh dear, John.

Look, there's another one.

- What a story, Eloise.

Yes, by George, this will shut Fielding up.

He wanted something with excitement in it, did he?

Well, I'll write him a story that'll

make his hair stand on end.

How I Trapped Old Bigfoot, by John Wilson.

- John, you're mad.

- I've got to call Fielding and get him out here right now.

Well, that's enough pictures, Mr. Fielding.

Now I'll erase the footprint so no one gets wind of it.

- Protect your story.

Good. Very smart.

- Oh, you've no idea how important

that is in this neighborhood.

This little boy next door here.

If he ever saw those footprints, he'd

spread it all over the state.

- You really think you can lure this monster back here, do you?

- I am not only going to lure him here,

but I hope to capture him, tonight, alive and unharmed.

- Oh, that would be something.

If I had a story like that, real eye witness stuff,

I could build a whole issue around it.

You'll have it, Mr. Fielding.

I will capture the monster and you

will have the scoop of the year.

Oh, you chubby little rascal.

Oh, bigfoot is gonna love you.

Come on.

[squealing]

- Stop squealing.

Get out of there.

Come on.

[squealing]

- Sh!

You'll have the whole neighborhood coming

around to see what's-- Come on. Come on.

Come on, you big ham.

Get out of there!

Come on.

- Hi Mr. Wilson!

What you got there?

- Oh, for heaven's sake, Dennis, why aren't you in school?

- We got off at noon.

Oh boy. A pig!

A real, live pig!

What are you gonna do with it, Mr. Wilson?

- I'm not going to do anything with it.

I'm-- I'm just going to keep it.

- Where are you gonna keep it?

In your back yard?

- Yes.

Yes, in my backyard.

Go on.

Run along.

- Hey, Mrs. Elkins, look what Mr. Wilson's got.

A pig.

A real, live pig.

He's gonna keep it in his back yard.

- What?

[squealing]

- Wha-- Of all the outrageous things to do,

turning our neighborhood into a pig sty.

- Now, look, Mrs. Elkins, I have enough trouble without you.

- I'll help you get him out, Mr. Wilson.

- Oh, this is the last straw.

I realize you and that pig have a lot in common.

- Oh, go peddle your vitriol some place else.

It's none of your business.

And if you think you're going to tell me what to do.

DENNIS (OFFSCREEN): Go on, boy! Go on!

Get out!

- You're going to hear about this, you-- you big pig!

- Jeepers.

I didn't mean to make your pig so nervous, Mr. Wilson.

I was just trying to help you get--

- Dennis.

Just go home.

Go on home.

Come on.

- I've got him where I want him this time, Mable.

I'll have John Wilson put in jail for this.

- I'm glad to hear it.

- The idea of keeping a pig in his backyard.

Why, it's in violation of at least

four different ordinances.

And he turned me in for keeping cats.

- I remember.

Have you called the police?

- Well, not until I get an airtight case,

Mable, and you can help me.

Now, tonight you and I will sneak into Wilson's backyard

with my camera and take a picture of the pig itself.

Then I'll take that picture to the city attorney,

and that will fix John Wilson.

- And I was only trying to help with the pig,

but he got pretty mad.

- He gets mad awful easy. - Yeah.

I'm going over in his house right now

and telling him that I'm sorry.

- I'll go too.

Maybe he'll give me a dime to go on home.

- Then I'm going to cover this over carefully with brush,

and I'll tie the pig over there to a stake.

Then when Bigfoot comes in here, he'll tumble into the pit,

and I've got him.

- This must've been a terrible job.

Dear, you should have hired someone to dig it for him.

Now, you're not used to this kind of work.

- Eloise, I couldn't hire anyone.

I couldn't take a chance.

If the news gets out about what I'm doing,

we'd be overrun with people.

DENNIS (OFFSCREEN): Hey Mr. Wilson!

Mr. Wilson! Wilson I came to tell you--

- Wow, look at that.

- Oh, for Pete's sake.

- What you digging, Mr. Wilson?

- A hole?

- Of course it's a hole, Seymour.

[phone ringing]

- There's the phone.

I'll get it.

- What you digging for, Mr. Wilson?

- Buried treasure?

- No, I'm not digging for buried treasure.

I was digging for a gopher.

- Gopher?

- Boy, he must be awful deep.

- Yes, but he got away, so I'm all through with that hole now.

There's nothing going on here now at all.

- John.

Mr. Fielding's on the phone.

- Oh, thank you dear.

Run along, fellows.

Run along.

- I think he's still kind of mad, Dennis.

- He's pretty tired from all that work.

Hey, I got a teriffic idea.

We're gonna do the swellest favor Mr. Wilson ever had.

Boy, will he be happy.

- I followed the same technique used

by African big game hunters. Careful, now.

Careful.

It's gone.

My pit is gone!

Where is it?

- Perhaps you've been robbed.

- But it was here, Mr. Fielding.

You can see the loose dirt, and outline of the hole.

I-- it's been filled in.

- Who'd have done that?

- When things go wrong, there can only

be one possible answer Dennis!

- Hi, Mr. Wilson!

Oh, you found what we did huh?

- Yes, we found it.

Why did you do it?

- Just because we're friends.

You don't even have to pay me.

It was for free.

- I'll take a dime.

- Oh, well the-- Dennis, I wanted the hole left there.

- You did?

But you said you'd stopped trying to catch the gopher.

- Gopher?

- Well, there-- there wasn't any gopher, fellas.

- Then what did you did the hole for?

- Well, I'll level with you.

I, I told a little fib so you would

know there was a prowler in our neighborhood.

I was afraid it might alarm you.

- A prowler?

- Yes.

Somebody who's been sneaking around here

at night looking for things to steal.

And, well, I dug the pit for him to fall into.

- Jeepers, I'm sorry, Mr. Wilson.

Can we help you dig the hole again?

- Oh, never mind. I'll handle it.

You just go on.

- Am I gonna get the dime?

That's not a dime, Mr. Wilson.

That's a penny.

Thanks.

- That was quite a story about the prowler, wasn't it?

Perhaps you should stop writing articles

and try your hand at fiction.

- Well, I couldn't tell them about the big footed creature.

They'd blab it all over town.

Well, there's only one thing left to do.

We'll have to dig ourselves another pit.

- Not we, Wilson.

You.

I'm strictly a spectator.

- Boy, this sure is exciting about the prowler.

Sure wish we could catch him.

- Yeah.

You think digging a hole's the right way to do it?

- Well, they'd have to be awful stupid to fall in a hole.

- Boy, I'll say.

- Hey, why don't we go ask Sgt. Mooney?

He'd know. - Yeah.

Catching crooks is his business.

- Come on, let's go.

Aren't you coming, Seymour?

- No.

I'm gonna spend my dime.

- When are you gonna give me

I've had nothing out of you for weeks.

- Oh, sure you have, Mike.

I called you a couple of days ago when I made an arrest.

- I said news.

Who cares about you giving your mother a ticket for jaywalking?

- That was my aunt.

- Hi, Sgt. Mooney.

- Well, hello there, boys.

What can I do for you?

- We want to know what you'd do if you

were trying to catch a prowler. - OK.

I don't mind giving away trade secrets.

First thing I'd do would be the throw out the dragnet.

- How you do that?

- It's easy, Tommy.

You get a dragnet, and you throw itt out.

Right, Sgt. Mooney?

- That's the idea.

You know, if I'm not careful, you'll

be taking my job away from me.

- What a break for the city.

- If we caught a prowler, would we get a reward?

- Oh, sure you would.

We pay $3 apiece for prowlers.

That's top price.

- $3.

Oh, boy.

- You got any particular prowler in mind, Dennis?

- Yeah.

The one Mr. Wilson's trying to catch.

- He's gonna set a trap for him tonight in his backyard.

- But I get we get the reward.

Thanks for telling us about the dragnet, Sgt. Mooney.

- Bye.

- Come on, Tommy.

- Bye.

- Good bye.

- Is that John Wilson they're talking about?

The writer?

- That's him.

A real nervous nelly.

He probably saw a cat one night, thought it was a prowler.

- Oh, sure.

Hey, suppose he did see a prowler.

If you tried to catch him, the poor dope

could get himself killed.

After all, it takes a professional lawman

who knows his business to catch a prowler.

- Where can we find one?

- A prowler?

- No, a lawman that knows his business.

- Well, I-- well, I think I'll stake out near the house

tonight and keep my eyes open.

You want to come along?

- For what?

- Well, if there is a prowler, you

can get some pictures of a real cop in action.

- OK.

Count me in.

If I get one shot of you standing up, that'll be news.

- Boy, it sure is lucky your folks

had these old tennis nets, Seymour.

- Yeah.

They'll make a swell dragnet when we get them tied together.

- We'll sneak up in the treehouse tonight after dinner.

If that old prowler comes along, we'll

throw the dragnet out right on top of them.

- We'll get old Bigfoot, Mr. Fielding.

If I do say so myself, I've done a magnificent job

of camouflaging this pit.

You'd hardly know it was there.

- Sure looks great to me.

- Lucky we have a dark night.

Good things there isn't any moon.

- Oh, this is so exciting.

I feel just like Dr. Livingston in the jungles of Africa.

Oh, you dainty little ordeuvre, you.

- Did you have to wear your nightshirt?

Whoever saw a policeman in his nightshirt?

- If you don't like it, I'll take it off.

- Leave it on.

I never saw a policeman with his clothes off, either.

Come on, let's go up in the treehouse.

- We'll go down this driveway and hide behind Mitchell's garage.

That'll give us a good view of Wilson's patio.

- OK, Sherlock.

And if you see a prowler, you know what to do.

- Sure.

Give you artificial respiration.

- We'll sneak into his patio from the back.

- Oh, I do hope we get a picture of that pig.

- Oh, we'll get it.

We'll really fix that dear Mr. Wilson.

- Old Bigfoot will be here soon.

I just know he will.

- This might give you a bonus, Wilson.

- Oh, thank you.

- Yes.

This should be quite a story.

- And it's all mine.

Nobody knows that anything is going on.

- I don't see a prowler yet.

- Achoo! - Stop sneezing, Seymour.

You'll scare him off.

- I can't help it, I'm drafty.

- Be careful with that platter, dear.

It's our best china. - I know.

It makes me nervous.

I'll put it up in the cupboard here.

- What's the matter?

- I thought I saw someone moving out by the garage.

- Well, it looks like two figures.

- I better go check.

- No, Henry, it might be dangerous.

- Oh, I'll take care of myself.

- W-- Wait a minute.

- Hey, there's somebody down there, Dennis.

- Wait'll he gets under the tree.

- Can't see a thing.

- Oh, I can smell a pig.

We'll find him.

[squealing] - Bigfoot.

Come on.

Through the living room!

- Sounds like somebody's getting murdered.

- Probably Wilson. Come on.

Come around this way.

- I wonder who yelled over there.

Hey, maybe it's another prowler.

- Ours is under the tree now.

- Throw out the dragnet!

HENRY (OFFSCREEN): Help!

Help!

- Look out for the couch.

- Let's get on, dear.

[squealing] - Mable!

The man's got me!

Let go of me, you beast.

- I don't know what this is, but it's great.

- Mrs. Elkins, what are you doing down there?

- Well, I'm trying to get out, you fool.

- Jeepers, there must be a war going on down there.

- Wilson.

- John.

Oh darling, you're safe.

- I- I never dreamed you cared.

- Help!

- What's going on, Mitchell?

- Beats me, Mooney.

Help! Help!

- Well, come on.

Get out of that net.

I gotta arrest somebody.

Help!

What have I done?

- Well, Dr. and Mrs. Livingston, I presume?

- Say cheese.

- Seems like everybody's looking for that prowler.

- Yeah.

Boy, this is more fun than the fourth of July.

- That confounded photographer is making me a laughingstock.

And look at that picture of you and Mr. Fielding.

And that vulgar caption.

How to keep a publisher happy.

- He seemed happy.

- Well, he wasn't this morning when I called him up.

He may never give me another assignment.

- Now, I think poor Sgt. Mooney has more reason

to complain than you have.

- He should complain?

He's threatening to-- to arrest me for disturbing the peace.

- That's my favorite picture.

Quite good of you.

- The latest thing in love nests.

Disgusting!

- Weren't you comfortable, dear?

- That woman has bones in some of the strangest places.

- Poor John.

Once more I-- I failed to capture

the monster with the big feet.

- Aw.

- Here you are, dad.

- Thanks.

I wonder if Mr. Wilson will want to see anybody this morning.

- After last night, he'll need some cheering up.

- Yeah.

He didn't enjoy himself half as much as I did.

- Nor I. There's nothing like having

your own son throw a net over your head.

- Come on.

- Wait a minute.

I just thought of something.

- Dennis, hurry up.

- Wha-- What do you want with those things.

- They're funny looking.

Maybe these'll help cheer Mr. Wilson up.

You and mom go ahead.

I'll put them on.

- Well, anyway John, I'll bet we scared that prowler off.

- Well, Henry, it's too late to keep my secret now,

but there wasn't any prowler.

- What was the pit for?

- Well I was trying to catch a strange creature that

left prints on our patio.

A creature with enormous feet.

- E-enormous feet.

- If that hullabaloo hadn't broken loose out there,

I-- I'm sure I would have caught him.

- Look what I got, Mr. Wilson.

I wore them over here the other day, but you weren't home.

Aren't they funny looking? - Fine.

They look fine.

I lost an opportunity to trap a grotesque monster.

A chance to become famous.

I fail to see that my loss is any laughing matter.

Oh no.

No!

- Why don't you laugh too, Mr. Wilson?

You're the one I wanna cheer up.

[theme music]

NARRATOR: This has been a Screen Gems film production.