Original subtitles

- I hope you've got a big breakfast this morning, honey.

I'm hungry as a bear.

- Well, when Dennis says that, it's

because he's a growing boy.

What's your excuse?

- I don't need an excuse.

I'm the head of the house.

[thumping]

- What in the world is that?

- Oh!

Ow!

- Jeepers, I'm sorry, Dad.

I was practicing my bowling grip up there,

and the ball sort of got away from me.

- Dennis, you should be much more careful with that ball.

- Jeepers. I sure should.

Boy, I'm lucky.

Not a single dent.

- Wish I could say the same thing.

[theme music]

- So why don't you come with us tonight, Mom,

and watch me bowl?

- I don't know.

Maybe I will.

- He's getting better.

We've only been four times, you know.

- Yeah.

And last Saturday I got over 200.

Didn't I, Dad? - 200.

My, that sounds like a big score.

Isn't it?

- Well, that was for three games.

His average is 68.

Mine's just a little bit better.

- We're getting our league set up tonight, Mom.

So we have to be there early. Dad and I--

[phone ringing]

- Oh, I'll get it.

- You should have seen me last week, Mom.

I got three strikes in one day.

- Oh, that's too bad.

Three strikes is out, isn't it?

- Heck no, Mom.

That's baseball.

In bowling, you're supposed to get strikes.

- Oh.

Well, I don't know very much about--

- You see, a strike is when you knock

all the pins down with one ball.

It's pretty hard to do.

- I'll bet it is.

And you did that three times?

- In one game.

You come with us tonight and I'll show you how it's done.

- That was Mr. Trask on the phone, honey.

You and I are invited to their house for dinner tonight.

- Tonight?

- That's awfully short notice.

- Well, they just decided.

A client of ours is in town, and the Trasks

are having a dinner party in his honor.

- Well jeepers, Dad.

What about our bowling? We're making up teams tonight.

I just gotta be there.

- I know it's important, son, but--

- I'm sure Tommy's father will take you along.

I'll call him and tell him.

- That won't work, Mom.

Every boy has to have his dad or somebody to bowl with him!

- Oh, dear.

Well, that is too bad, Henry.

- Well, I-- I'm just as disappointed about it

as you are, son.

But I can't turn my boss down.

You understand my problem, don't you?

- Yeah, I guess so.

But things would be a lot better if bosses weren't so bossy.

- And, uh, in the spring we'll have a solid bank of iris

all along the fence.

- Oh, I love iris.

What color will they be?

- Well these are white, and these are pale blue.

Now, I'm going to put a row of blue along the fence,

and a role of white in front of it.

- Well, that'll be beautiful.

- Yeah.

That's why I have them so carefully separated.

I don't want to take any chance on that--

[door slamming]

Hi, Mr. Wilson!

Hi, Mrs. Wilson!

- Hello, dear. - Hello.

I'm busy now, so, um-- I have some things--

- Don't worry, Mr. Wilson.

I'll pick 'em up for you.

They're not hurt.

- I had those things all separated.

Now you've scrambled them--

- Oh, they'll look just as pretty in mixed colors, dear.

Don't you worry.

- Know where me and dad have been going

every Saturday night, Mrs. Wilson?

Bowling.

Did you ever go bowling? - Yes.

Mr. Wilson and I bowled a few times, years ago.

He was pretty good at it.

Weren't you, dear?

- Oh, I guess so.

About average.

- Why, I bet he could throw that ball like a bullet.

Because he's got a swell bunch of muscles, all right.

- Oh, yes.

He has muscles he hasn't used in years.

- You oughta do some more bowling, Mr. Wilson.

I bet you'd be great.

- Well, I'll give it a try one of these days.

- Swell. I got just the deal for you.

They're making up teams tonight, only Dad can't take me.

So I'm gonna let you come nad bowl with me.

Tonight. - What?

Oh, no, no.

- Now, John, it would be good for you.

- I'm sorry, Dennis.

I cannot bowl with you tonight.

- Why?

- Uh, well, because I have a previous engagement, that's

why.

- Oh.

- A previous engagement?

With whom?

- Well, with-- with you.

Oh, now, don't you remember, Eloise?

I promised to take you to the movies tonight.

You know, that new picture showing in town?

Now, you remember.

- Oh, I'm glad you reminded me.

We're going to have dinner downtown first, aren't we?

At that glamorous new French restaurant.

Oh.

Now I remember.

- Fine.

- He'll take you bowling another night, dear.

That's a promise.

- Gee.

I sure with you could go bowling with-- hey.

Here comes Mr. Meekin!

Hi, Mr. Meekin!

I'm glad to see you.

- Eh?

- Been doing your monthly grocery shopping, huh?

- Yep. Yep, yep, yep.

You been behaving yourself?

- I sure am trying, yes sir.

How's everything at the shack?

OK?

- Oh, fine, fine, fi--

- Oh, uh, Mr. Meekin, I want you to meet a friend of mine.

This is Mr. Wilson.

- How do you do, Mr. Meekin?

- Getting too crowded around here.

- Bye-bye, Mr. Meekin.

I'll be up to see you.

- Any time, Dennis.

- Who's that ancient grouch?

- Mr. Meekin.

He's a hermit, and he's lived in the shack

out in our woods for about 100 years, practically.

- He looks it, all right.

Certainly has a lovely disposition.

- Well, Mr. Meekin doesn't like people very much.

He says people make trouble.

Except for me and Tommy.

He likes us to come and see him.

- I wonder what makes a man become a hermit?

- Mr. Meekin says he just got tired of fighting.

He said after he fought with Lee, down south,

he just wanted peace and quiet for the rest of his life.

So he came out here and he's a hermit.

- Yeah.

Well, I have work to do, Dennis.

I'll see you-- oh-- Dennis.

He fought with Lee?

- Yes, sir.

That's when he was real young, he says.

But then he got sick of fighting, and--

- A veteran.

A Civil War veteran.

There aren't supposed to be any of those anymore.

Does he talk about the Civil War much?

- Mr. Meekin doesn't talk about anything much.

He doesn't even like to think about fighting and stuff.

- What a story.

A scoop.

If I could get an interview with a Civil War veteran,

my magazine would pay- well, even

the newspapers would pay for it.

- Hi, John.

- Oh, hello, Henry.

- I still haven't found anybody to take me bowling, Dad.

Mr. Wilson's got a previous engagement.

- I'm sorry, son.

- Henry, do you know anything about old man Meekin?

You know, the, uh--

- You mean the hermit?

Oh, sure.

Everyone knows old man Meekin.

Even though he doesn't talk to anyone very much.

- He talks to me and Tommy.

- Yes.

He likes the boys.

I think they're the only ones who

have ever been in his cabin.

- Do you realize that he is a Civil War veteran?

That he fought under General Lee?

- Well, he's mentioned Lee around town.

Well, I've got to get down to the post office

and mail this letter.

See you later, John.

So long, son.

- Bye, Henry. Come with me a minute.

Let's sit down, Dennis.

Now, Dennis, you know what I'm going

to do for your friend Mr. Meekin?

I am going to make him famous.

- I don't think he wants to be famous, Mr. Wilson.

All he wants to do is be left alone.

That's why he shoots at everybody.

- Shoots?

You mean with a gun? - Yeah.

It's a great big double-barrel shotgun.

But he doesn't use real bullets.

He loads it with rock salt, and it stings like everything.

- Well, all right, Dennis.

Now, if you told Mr. Meekin that I'm a friend of yours

and that I would like to talk to him,

he'd let me do that, wouldn't he?

For you?

- Well, I could probably fix it up for you, Mr. Wilson.

Out in his shack in the woods he shows me

how to build rabbit hutches and bird houses and everything.

- Good.

Hurry right out there, will you?

And tell him I'll be there whenever he says.

- Yeah, I could probably fix it up for you, Mr. Wilson.

But I can't I have a previous engagement.

- You what?

- You know how it is when you have a previous engagement.

- I'm beginning to see how it is.

Dennis, if I cancel my previous engagement

and take you bowling tonight, will you

cancel yours and set it up with Mr. Meekin?

- Well, I can try, Mr. Wilson.

- It's a deal.

- There's something he promised to make for me, anyhow.

I'll go get it and see him right way.

Hi, Mr. Meekin.

It's me, Dennis.

- Oh, howdy, Dennis.

By Jove, I'm glad it's you. I thought I heard something.

You know, my eyes ain't as good as they used to be.

- I brought those ants.

- Ants? - You know.

For the ant village you promised to build for me.

- Oh!

Oh, hold on now.

Just wait'll I get my specs on so I can see 'em.

Hey.

Them's fine ants, fine ants.

I'll get that house

Come on in, sit a spell.

- But the main reason I came is to ask you a favor.

I sure hope you'll do it for me.

- Well, I will if I can.

Set yourself down.

I'll get you some jelly and bread

while you tell me what you want.

- I've got another good friend besides you.

The man you saw me with this morning.

- Oh, no.

No.

No, I-- I couldn't do that, Dennis.

You know how I feel about strangers.

- Yes, sir.

Mr. Wilson's an awful nice stranger, though.

- No, people are all the same, as far as I'm concerned.

Nothing but trouble.

Trouble, trouble, trouble.

That's why I keep me old Betsy, here.

Keep people out.

Out, out, out.

- Yeah, Betsy can do it, all right.

- I don't need me no trouble.

All through them years when me and Lee were fighting it

out-- I seen me enough misery and trouble

to last me a lifetime.

- Yes, sir.

I know you did.

- Hey, besides, people laugh at me.

They think because I wear a beard and live in the woods

I'm a freak.

No, no.

I don't wanna see nobody, son.

- Whatever you say, Mr. Meekin.

- Dennis, that's why I like you.

You don't cause me no trouble, you

don't sass and argue with me.

- You know, I don't think good friends oughta argue,

Mr. Meekin.

I don't argue with Mr. Wilson, either,

and he's real nice to me like you are.

- You sure like that feller, don't you?

- Yes, sir.

And I think you'd like him, too.

But I'm not gonna let him bother you.

I'll just tell him not to come.

- Hold it.

Changed me mind.

You tell him to come on over and I'll talk with him.

- Oh, boy.

Swell!

- If he don't cause no trouble.

If he does, I'll have old Betsy talk to him.

- Thanks a lot, Mr. Meekin.

He'll be out here in half an hour.

- That's the best jelly I ever made.

- How-- how do you do, Mr. Meekin?

I'm Mr. Wilson, Dennis' friend.

- Well, you wouldn't be here if you wasn't.

- Oh, I know.

I know.

I greatly appreciate the opportunity

to talk to you, Mr. Meekin.

I realize, of course, that you're a very busy man.

- Nope.

Ain't busy at all.

All I gotta do is just keep nosy people out of here.

Sit down. [inaudible] getting your britches dirty.

- Oh no, no.

No, I don't mind a bit of honest dirt.

Not that there's any dirt around here.

Not a speck.

Very charming place you have.

I wouldn't mind living here myself.

- That's a dang lie, and you know it.

You have to live in a house that's full of plumbing.

- Oh, well, modern civilization does spoil a man.

- Yeah, that's why I got away from it.

Folks living too fast.

They're all full of jitters and nerves.

They sit around twitching, twitching-- just

like you down there.

Upsets me.

- Uh-- uh, well, it's not that.

I-- I'm just as calm as you are, Mr. Meekin.

- Then sit still, tell me what you want!

- Oh.

Well, uh-- as Dennis probably told you, I am a writer, sir.

- Yep.

Last one come poking around here,

old Betsy took care of it.

I'll bet he's still picking rock salt out of his britches.

- Well, he probably had it coming.

I'm here to get your story, Mr. Meekin.

I want to know more about your background.

- Speaking of background, why do you keep scratching yours?

- It's nothing.

Um, Mr. Meekin, you are a most unusual character.

There is nobody else like you in the whole world.

- Are you tring to tell me I'm a freak, buster?

Well, let me tell you something.

Lots of people like to live alone.

Now sit still.

You're gonna insult me, do it sitting still!

- Oh, I'm not insulting you.

- I've never seen such a twitchy dude.

It's like you got ants in your pants.

- Ants.

They're all over me!

- [inaudible].

Leave them little fellers alone.

They ain't harm you. You're killing them!

- Yeah, well, they're biting me!

- You get out of here.

We don't kill things around here.

They wasn't doing you no harm.

Them's Dennis' ants.

I knew you was no good the minute I saw you.

Get out of here!

- You can understand how I feel, Henry.

Here I had this amazing story in my very grasp.

An interview with the only surviving Civil War veteran.

And then-- catastrophe.

- That's a tough break, John.

- Are you sure he won't see me again, Dennis?

- I'm real sure, Mr. Wilson.

I begged as hard as I could.

But he said he didn't like people who killed things.

- Those confounded ants.

Stowaway.

- Hey, maybe I could interview Mr. Meekin for you, Mr. Wilson.

I'm pretty good at asking questions.

- Yes, you certainly are.

I've got it.

- Another ant?

- No. An idea.

You could ask the questions, then

I could sneak up to his house very quietly and listen.

- He'd hear you.

He can't see very good, but he's sure got sharp ears.

- And when he heard you, he'd reach

for that old shotgun of his.

- Hm.

How about animals around his place?

- Oh, he doesn't mind them.

He likes animals.

- Aha!

Do you know Buck Smiley's costume shop?

- Well, sure.

- Well, I happened to be there the other day,

and I noticed a cow suit that looked completely real.

- You mean you'd put on a cow suit and go up and spy on him?

- Exactly.

- But a cow has four legs, Mr. Wilson,

and you've only got two.

You need somebody else to make a whole cow.

- Yes.

I know.

- Oh, no you don't, John.

I'm not gonna walk around these streets in a cow outfit.

- You don't have to, Henry.

We'll rent the cow suit, then we'll

drive to the edge of the woods, put it on,

then Dennis will lead us to Mr. Meekin's house.

- Oh, no.

It'll never work, John.

- Well, of course it will.

Dennis says the old guy can't see very well.

- No, you-- you count me out.

- Oh, no, Dad.

If he gets a story from Mr. Meekin,

he's gonna take me bowling tonight.

Right, Mr. Wilson?

- Right.

Now come on, Henry.

- Well, all right.

But I oughta have my head examined.

Which end of the cow am I going to be?

- The, uh-- rear end.

I have to be the front end, so that I can listen.

Well, you know, this is a Civil War veteran, Henry.

We'll be making history.

- I bet I'm the only American who's

ever served his country by being the rear end of a cow.

- This is the way.

HENRY (OFFSCREEN): OK, son.

- Hey, look out for the rock!

HENRY (OFFSCREEN): What rock?

Oof!

- Hold it, Dad.

I'll help you. HENRY (OFFSCREEN): Oh.

Thanks, son. Look out, John.

You stepped on my foot.

- It's all right now.

Come on. It's not much further.

MR. WILSON (OFFSCREEN): I'm glad of that.

- I hope I'm not hanging around too much today, Mr. Meekin.

- Oh, you're always welcome, Dennis.

You're a nice boy, even though you

have got some real ornery friends.

- Mr. Wilson's nice, too, once you get to know him.

- Don't wanna know him.

Ant-killer.

Well, reckon we better stoke up the old boiler.

This time of here it might start getting cold.

Anything I can do for you, Dennis?

- No, I just thought we could talk.

We've been friends more than two years,

and there's still a lot I don't know about you.

- Like what?

- Well, I don't even know where you were born.

Where were you born, Mr. Meekin?

- Now, if you'd noticed that flag up there,

you'd know I was born in the South.

See, I was born in Kentucky, in a little town named--

There's a critter roaming around out there.

- It's just an old cow.

Now what was the name of the town you were born in?

- I don't want that cussed cow tromping down

my vegetable path.

- Oh, I don't think it would do that.

It looks like a friendly cow.

Now, what was the name--

- Eh, friendly or not, I don't want

it stomping down my carrots.

Better take the shotgun to it.

- No, don't shoot it. - I ain't gonna shoot him.

Just gonna scare it.

- Please, Mr. Meekin.

You might hit it by mistake.

You know you don't see very well.

[gunshot]

- Well I'll be doggone.

I know I didn't hit.

That cow broke into two pieces.

- That's because it wasn't a real cow, Mr. Meekin.

- Wasn't a real cow?

- No, sir.

It was my dad and Mr. Wilson in a cow suit.

- I knew that Wilson feller wasn't right in the head.

Sure sorry to hear about your dad.

- They're just as right in their heads as we are.

- Then what are they doing traipsing

around the country making out like a cow?

- Mr. Wilson still wants the story of your life.

He and dad wore that cow suit so they could listen outside

while I asked you questions.

- I'll be a jaybird.

Then my life story must be all-fired important to him.

- Oh yes, sir.

He just won't be happy until he hears

about the times you fought with Lee.

He'd do anything to get your story.

- He'd do anything?

- That's what he said.

- Hey.

Maybe me and him could make a deal.

- Oh, boy.

Swell!

I'll bring him back right away.

Mr. Wilson! Mr. Wilson!

- Gotta use more elbow grease get that job done right.

- I'm doing the best I can.

- Pooped, eh?

- I ache in bones I didn't know I had.

- You city folks live too good.

You're soft.

- Soft?

I've been chopping wood for four solid hours.

That's enough to wear Paul Bunyan out.

- A bargain's a bargain, ain't it?

Dennis said you said you was willing to do it.

- I know, I know.

At least he could have stayed and helped me stack the logs.

- Now don't you go picking on that boy.

Weren't his fault his pa took him home to feed him.

- Look, isn't that enough?

Can't I stop now?

- Well, reckon you can.

I don't want the trouble of having to bury you.

Come on inside and we'll talk.

- Oh, thank you.

- Can't you put it down easy?

- All I can put down easy is myself.

- [inaudible].

- At the moment that's true.

I've made a physical wrech out of myself to get your story.

But it's going to be worth it.

Are you ready to be interviewed?

- I'm ready if you are, buster.

- Good.

Now, Mr. Meekin, where were you born?

- Oh, little town in Kentucky named Piney Ridge.

- Piney Ridge.

And, uh, how old are you today?

- 82, going on 83.

- 82 going on-- 82.

Well, that can't be right.

- Sure it is.

Oughta know my own age, hadn't I?

- Mr. Meekin, if you are only 82, you couldn't possibly

have taken part in the Civil War.

- Of course not.

That happened long before I was born.

- But you told people you fought with Lee.

- You bet I fought with Lee.

Anybody would fight with that mean, ornery woman.

- Woman?

- Worst wife a man ever had. Let's see.

I married Lee in 1902.

We never stopped fighting.

That's why I took to living in the woods,

so I could get me some peace and quiet.

- I have been stabbed.

- Something wrong, buster?

- You might say that.

I feel like the fisherman who thought

he had a 10-pound trout on his line

and pulled in an old rubber boot.

- Maybe you know what you're blabbing about, but I don't.

Want to hear the rest of my story now?

- I've heard enough, thank you.

I can't wait to get home to bed.

Boy, will I sleep tonight.

- But you're missing the best part of it.

See, uh-- I was only maried to Lee for three months.

And in that time we had over 500 fights.

We started fighting first thing in the morning--

- Mr. Meekin, I do not write for confession magazines.

Goodbye, sir.

- Oh, hi, Mr. Wilson.

Hi, Mr. Meekin.

Did you get your story all right?

- Well, the way it turned out--

- He got all he wanted.

- Swell.

Now we can go bowling. - Bowling?

- Mom and Dad drove me to the edge of the woods.

They've gone on to their dinner, so now we

can walk to the bowling alley.

- Walk over?

Oh, no.

I've got to get home into bed.

I've got to, before I collapse.

- But-- but you promised, if I got Mr. Meekin to talk to you.

- That was before I cut two cords of wood.

- You make this boy a promise?

- Well, yes, I suppose I did, but--

- Then you'd better keep it.

- Oh.

All right, Dennis.

We'll go bowling. - Oh, boy.

Swell.

If we win, they might even put our names on a big, silver cup.

- Just have them put mine on a simple headstone.

- Wonder what ever happened to Lee.

[theme music]

ANNOUNCER: This has been a Screen Gems film production.