Original subtitles

- Boy I sure am glad this is good old Saturday.

It's my favorite day.

- Got any big plans for it?

- Well, not really plans.

I guess me and the other guys will play some football,

climb some trees, fly some kites,

have some wrestling matches, and dig for buried treasure,

and play leap frog, and run, sheep, run, and follow

the leader, and then slide down Hickory Hill on our stomachs.

- Sounds like a pretty full schedule.

- Before you go out, be sure to straighten your room.

- Oh, jeepers, mom.

Not today.

- Why not?

- On his day off, a fella likes to take things easy.

[theme music]

- Oh, my sister writers her husband

just received a promotion.

Isn't that wonderful?

- I'm glad somebody got some good news.

Mine is ghastly in the extreme.

- Well, what's wrong?

- My magazine editor has had one of his more appalling

brainstorms.

My newest assignment is an article

to be entitled "Changes in the modern child."

He believes that children of today

have different behavior patterns than they

did 20 or 30 years ago, and I'm the one

he picks to write about it.

- You know, John, I think that's a rather interesting idea.

- Well, I'd agree with you if I could approach

this intellectually, but listen to this.

"I want this article written from a child's point of view.

Spend a Saturday with a group of children.

Make yourself one of them.

Join in all their activities and keep

a record of your experiences."

Now, I ask you.

- I can't tell you.

- Why couldn't he have given me an easy, safe assignment

like spending a day with the headhunters of Borneo?

- But dear, you have a perfect setup for your observation.

Just arrange to spend a day with Dennis

and all his little chums.

- Eloise, that might change the course of history.

- I think it might be great fun.

You haven't anything else planned.

- No, Eloise, no.

I haven't turned my editor down yet, but this is it.

Here, you take the letter.

I haven't seen it.

I refuse to subject myself to--

[phone ringing]

- I'll get it.

Hello?

Oh, good morning, Mrs. Elkins.

Today?

At 12:30?

Oh, yes.

Yes, of course, I'll tell him. Goodbye.

That was Mrs. Elkins.

- Oh, speaking of trouble, what did Mrs. Elkins want?

- To remind you of her club luncheon.

Today.

- Luncheon?

- Yes, to raise funds to start a refuge for homeless cats.

It's a big affair, $10 a place luncheon.

- Refuge for homeless cats-- $10?

That's enough money to send a cat away to summer camp.

- Well, you'll just have to pay it, dear.

You've already accepted.

- You know, Eloise, on second thought,

that new assignment might be interesting at that.

- I thought you'd decided to turn that down.

- Well-- well, I don't think it would be fair.

It wouldn't be ethical.

After all, I am a journalist, and a good journalist

shouldn't be stumped by any subject.

- You're a dedicated man, and I admire you.

I'll call and cancel the luncheon.

[music playing]

- All right, Dennis, then it's all settled.

Today I'll be your playmate, just one of the gang.

- OK, Mr. Wilson.

- And at the end of the day, we'll

have a weenie roast in my patio.

You like that, won't you?

- Oh, sure.

I'll like that part. - Good.

Now you round up the gang, and I'll

meet you in front of my house in a few minutes.

- OK, Mr. Wilson. - Goodbye, Alice.

- Goodbye, Alice. - Goodbye, Mr. Wilson.

- So long, John.

- Bye.

- Dennis, you didn't seem very enthusiastic.

That is not a very nice attitude.

- The only one I've got.

Grownups just don't fit in when we're playing games.

They spoil the fun.

- I don't agree with that at all, Dennis.

Grownups aren't monsters.

- I'm surprised at you.

This is a chance to help Mr. Wilson,

and we want you to do it.

- All right.

But the next time Mr. and Mrs. Wilson come over to play cards,

can I play too instead of getting sent to bed?

- No, I don't think you'd better.

- Why not?

You say it's all right for grownups to play with me,

so why can't I play with them?

- Well, this is a different.

- Boy, it sure is funny.

Every time something's different,

it's good for the grownups and bad for me.

[music playing]

- Well, fellas, I suppose Dennis explains

our arrangement for the day.

- Yeah, he told us.

- We're stuck with you.

- I didn't say that, Seymour.

- We're going to have a lot of fun together.

Now what should we do first?

- Whatever you'd like to do, Mr. Wilson.

- Yeah, just tell us, like grownups always do.

- No, no, Tommy.

I'm not going to be a grownup today.

I'm going to be a boy, like you.

And please treat me like one.

- We'll try, Mr. Wilson.

- Oh, and don't call me Mr. Wilson.

- What'll we call you, then?

- Well, call me by the nickname I had when I was a boy.

- What's that?

- Tubby.

Well, you see, when I was small, I was kind of chubby,

and they--

- You're still chubby.

- Well.

What do you fellas usually do first on a Saturday morning?

- Well, mostly we fool around in the park.

- Oh.

Uh, why do you prefer the park?

- Well, because it's real nice there

with all the grass and trees and stuff.

You know, like being out in the country.

- I see.

- What you writing, Mr. Wilson?

- The name of Tubby.

- What you writing, Mr. Tubby?

- Not Mr. Tubby.

I'm just plain Tubby.

That didn't sound quite right.

[ice cream wagon music]

- Hey, her comes the ice wagon.

Who's got some money?

- I only got a nickle.

- I only got nothin'.

- Well, don't you worry about that.

As the new boy in the crowd, I'll stand the treat.

- Hey, did you hear that, fellas?

Maybe this isn't such a bad deal after all.

- That's right, all of us.

There we go.

- Cones for everyone.

We're going to be over in the park.

Drive around later.

Oh, boy, welcome to the gang, Mr. Wil-- I mean, Tubby.

Writing articles about us kids is

going to be lots of fun for us.

- Ah, well, there you are.

- Kevin! Chris!

Hi.

I want you to meet a friend of mine

who's playing with us today.

- Hi, fellas.

- How do you do, sir?

- Oh, never mind the "sir."

Today I'm your pal, Tubby Wilson.

- You'll like him once you get to know him.

- He's loaded.

- Well, what do we play first?

- How about some leap frog?

- OK.

Come on, Tubby.

- Oh, well, I better not join in that game.

I'm a little heavy to leap over you lads.

- OK.

You be the frog and we'll leap over you.

- Well, I'd better not.

- But you said you wanted to be one of the gang

and do everything we do.

- Well, all right.

Where do we go?

- Oh, boy!

Come on!

OK, you boys, I'm first now!

- I'm second!

- I'm third.

- I'm fourth! - I'm fifth!

- I'm last!

- Well, Seymour, you had a little trouble.

- You're the most fattest frog I ever leaped.

[ice cream wagon music]

- Hey, here comes the ice cream wagon again.

Don't you hear it?

- Yes, I hear it.

- Are you still the new boy in the crowd?

- I suppose so.

- Oh, boy!

Did you hear that?

Good old Mr. Tubby's buying ice cream again.

Ice cream for everybody!

[music playing]

Oh, boy, Tubby.

If you keep buying us ice cream, you can put in your article

that boys eat about a gallon a day.

- At least.

- Hey, looks who's coming.

- Jeepers, it's that dumb old Margaret.

- And that silly old Lillian.

- I'll try to get this over with in a hurry.

I don't imagine it would be very interesting for our article.

- Oh, no, no, Dennis.

Let everything happen naturally, and remember

that I'm one of you.

I want to take part in everything you do.

- Hello, boys.

Fancy finding you here.

- Are you lost, Margaret?

- No, I'm not lost.

- Then why don't you get lost?

- Oh, don't be so snippy, Dennis Mitchell.

Look at my lovely new jump rope.

Wouldn't you like to jump rope with this?

- Ah, go chase yourself.

- You're cute, Tommy.

- Hey, we got no time for girls.

- You've got all day, and that's just how long

we're going to stay here until you jump rope with us.

- I'll try to get something going so you can get in on it.

Will you go and leave us alone if one of us

jumps rope with you?

- How many times?

- 100 times.

- All right.

Which one?

- Him.

- Mr. Wilson?

- Oh, he's not Mr. Wilson today.

He's just one of us fellas.

Tell 'em who you are.

- I'm Tubby.

- Say, he jumps pretty good, doesn't he?

- Yeah.

He's only fallen down twice.

- I like to watch his stomach jiggle.

- What are you doing there?

- Oh, look what you made us do.

- Oh, I'm sorry.

I have to talk to that gentleman.

What's the idea of taking my picture?

- It's not every day I see a man your age skipping around

like the Queen of the May.

Crinky will love this one.

- Crinky?

Good heavens, do you work for the newspaper?

- On a freelance basis.

It'll make a swell gag shot.

"Man jumps rope."

It's almost as good "Man bites dog."

- Oh, no.

I'll be the laughingstock of the town.

I'll buy the film form you.

- How much?

- $2.

- You must be kidding.

- $3.

- For a shot that's funnier than monkeys in a barrel?

- All right, $5.

- OK, it's a deal.

- By the way, how much Crinky pay for a picture like this?

- $2.

So long, athlete.

- Being a child in this day and age has definite drawbacks.

"Today's children have such a great amount of energy

that splitting the atom seems quite unnecessary."

- How about playing catch with me, Mr. Wil-- I mean, Tubby.

- No, no.

I'm making notes now.

- But this is one of the things we do, and you said.

- Dennis, I don't have to do all of those games

to be one of you.

I have to sit on the sidelines, sort of,

and observe, make my notes.

- But we need you.

- Chris and Kevin went to the moves.

- And Seymour's mother called him.

And besides, it's more fun when it's three-cornered,

so we need you.

Unless you'd rather quit and just be Mr. Wilson again.

- Oh, no.

No, no.

I bargained for a full day.

I'm certainly getting it.

Just for a little while.

- Oh, boy!

Swell!

Tommy, you get out there.

Now, you get right here, and I'll get out here.

[music playing]

Here comes my curve!

You missed it.

- I realize that.

- Better fish it out before it get's soaked.

- Well, why don't one of you fish it out?

- No, we got a rule.

Whoever misses it has to chase the ball.

- Oh, now you tell me.

Well, all right, all right.

- Don't feel so bad.

We all get butter fingers sometimes.

- Yeah.

We know you weren't clumsy on purpose.

You know, when Mr. Quigley was coaching that peewee league

last year, he was going to catch one,

and it landed right on his head.

- Boy, you should have seen the lump it made.

- Oh, you're a great comfort to me.

I don't even see the ball.

- Well, just get in there, and then you'll

feel it with your toes.

- Oh.

- No, a little bit over that way.

- Well, hello there, boys.

- Hi, Sergeant Mooney.

- Well, greetings to you, September morn.

- Oh, very amusing.

- I see you're cooling your pink little toesies, eh?

No,

- No, no.

I am merely--

- I hate to tell you this, but it'll cost you

$0.50 for each pink little toe.

- What!

- Yeah, there's a $5 fine for wading in the fountain.

- But I'm not wading in the fountain!

I'm here looking--

- You're in the fountain, aren't you?

- Well, yes, but--

- With your pants rolled up?

- Yes, but--

- You're wading.

$5, please.

- Why, you!

I--

- He was just trying to fish our ball out, Sergeant Mooney.

- Yeah.

He missed it with both hands.

- You mean he was playing catch with you?

- Yeah.

He's been playing games with us all day.

Leap frog, catch.

- Well, what do you know?

Congratulations on your second childhood, Wilson.

- Now see here, Sergeant--

- I thought you were the kind of guy

that never had a very childhood.

- Can I pay the fine now, or have you further, hilarious remarks

to make?

- You'll have to pay it down at the station.

And if you want to play some more,

you can ride me back there piggyback.

- Ohh! You--

- Hi, fellas.

- Hi, dad.

- Hi, Mr. Mitchell.

- Where's your friend, mister-- oh, hi, John.

- Hello, Henry.

- What are you doing in there?

No trouble, I hope.

- Oh, no.

No, no trouble.

Just a $5 fine for wading in the fountain

in the park, that's all.

- You were wading in the fountain?

Golly, you are a kid today, aren't you?

- Henry, I dedicated this day to researching that article,

and I'm going to do it right.

- Well, I admire your fortitude, John.

How's it going?

- Who knows?

I can't stop playing games and paying fines

long enough to organize my notes.

[ice cream wagon music]

- Tommy!

Hey, look who's coming.

- Yeah, Tubby, looks who's coming.

- I hear it, I hear it.

Oh, that was a delicious lunch, Eloise.

Now the name Tubby does fit me.

Furthermore, it was a free lunch.

That's quite an advantage when you

consider what this morning cost me.

- Before the day's over, you'll be

known as [inaudible] bankrupt boy.

- Really, I'm getting a great insight

into how the child mind works.

- Well, that's good, dear.

DENNIS (OFFSCREEN): Hey, Mr. Wilson!

TOMMY (OFFSCREEN): Come on out!

- Your playmates are calling you.

- Let's see, have I got everything?

My notes.

Uh--

- Bang bang!

I got you, Tubby!

You're dead, Tubby!

Bang bang!

Come on, Tubby!

- Well, back to my research.

- Careful, Matt.

- Matt?

Oh, oh.

Shucks, Miss Kitty, don't you worry.

I can handle them varmints.

- Bang bang!

You're dead!

- Well, here I am, fellas.

What are we doing now?

- We're going to go ride a burro.

- A burro?

- Yeah, over at Mr. Sawyer's barn.

- He never has let us kids ride it

because he says we're too little and might get hurt.

But if we have a great big kid along, like our friend,

good old Tubby here, then he'll let us ride it.

- Well, that sounds like fun.

Yes, indeed, a nice, inexpensive afternoon.

It'll be a pleasure not to spend any mon--

[ice cream wagon music]

I hear it.

Wait right here.

Wait right there, fellas! - Hurry up!

We want to go ride the burro!

- Do you think Tubby will want to ride him, too?

- I hope not, Tommy.

It would be an awful swaybacked burro if he did.

- Hold it!

Hold it!

Hey!

- Well, how many this time, Mac?

6, 12?

- None.

I want to make a deal with you before those boys bankrupt me.

- Huh? - Here.

I want you to take his dollar bill all for yourself,

and go and work some other neighborhood, right?

- Oh, I couldn't do that, Mac.

It wouldn't be honest.

- What?

- Oh, not for a buck, it wouldn't be.

Make it $3, I'll quit for the afternoon.

- All right.

I'll still be ahead the way those boys eat.

One, two, three.

- Sure is taking him a long time.

- He can't hurry, Tommy.

When you're as old as him, you have to sort of creep around.

- Yeah, he's a creep.

- Bad news on the ice cream, boys.

The fellas all sold out.

Gone home for the day.

- Boy, I sure am glad to hear that.

- Me, too.

I was afraid you were going to buy some more.

- What? Afraid?

I thought you all wanted--

- We ate so much ice cream today, we've had it.

- Our stomachs are not as big as yours.

- Come on, let's go ride the burro.

- $3, wasted.

[music playing]

- Ride 'em, cowboy!

- Hang on, Seymour!

- Bang bang, you're dead, Tubby!

Bang bang!

Bang bang, you're dead, Tubby!

Bang bang!

You're supposed to fall down.

- If I fall down once more, I'll never get up.

- Ah, stop shooting him, Seymour.

- Yeah, Seymour.

You've been riding long enough, anyhow.

It's my turn, now.

- Oh no, not, again.

Three hours of this would kill anybody.

- Come on, Seymour.

I'll help you down.

- Do I have to?

- Yes, you have to.

Hold my apple, Mr. Wilson.

- Oh, all right.

- Ah, how come you guys get to ride twice as long as I do?

- Well, we're twice as big as you are,

so we get to ride twice as long.

- Oh. - Hmm.

An example of child logic.

I, uh, better make a note of that.

- Come on, Mr. Wilson.

- All right, all right.

Just a minute.

Ahhh!

- Mr. Wilson, your pants.

- Wow! - Oh!

This is the end!

- So I told Tommy and Seymour to be

in your backyard at 7 o'clock for the weenie roast, right?

- Well, yes, 7 o'clock will be fine.

- This sure has been a swell day, hasn't it?

- Well, I must admit, I'm glad it's over.

That darn burro.

You know, if you hadn't loaned me your sweater,

I never would have made it home.

- That's OK.

I hope you don't catch cold.

- Oh, thank you.

So long, Dennis.

- I better keep my sweater now.

- Well, uh, I guess I can make it to the door from here.

- See you at the weenie roast.

Hi, Miss Elkins.

- Hello, Dennis.

Oh, Mr. Wilson, I'm so glad to see you.

I hope I'd find you at home.

- Oh, I'm sorry I missed the luncheon today.

Press of business, as my wife explained.

- I understand perfectly.

I put you down for a $25 donation anyhow.

- $25!

- Yes, I knew you'd want to give at least that

much for such a worthy cause.

Oh, poor little homeless pussy cats.

Oh, sad little strays.

- Well, I'll, uh, I-- I'll send you

the check in the mail later.

Goodbye.

- Oh, no, I wouldn't think of putting you

to the expense of a postage stamp.

I'll take the donation now.

- Uh, $20-- uh, $25, you say.

Uh, $5, $15, $25.

- Yes, thank you, Mr. Wilson.

You're a generous man.

Oh, it's deductible-- oh!

Disgrace-- what a color.

- It would amaze you, Alice, the things I have in my notes.

I think my article will be quite authoritative.

- Oh, I'm sure it will be.

- I wrote down everything.

The things we did, the things the boys did,

examples of child logic, et cetera, et cetera.

- You certainly researched this, John.

- Thoroughly, Henry. And you know what I found out?

Children today haven't changed a bit.

- How do you mean?

- Well, today they're jet pilots instead

of cowboys, spacemen instead of Indians.

But deep down inside, those kids are just the same as we were.

- Poor kids.

My heart bleeds for them.

- They have the same enthusiasms, the same motivations,

everything.

It just, uh, costs a little more.

It's all right here.

- John, come help me carry the food out, will you, dear?

- Oh, we'll all help, Eloise.

- Oh, thanks.

- No use lighting the fire yet, Henry.

Let's wait till the boys get here.

- Oh, all right.

[music playing]

- Boy, I'm eating nine hot dogs.

- Me, too.

- Hey, Mr. Wilson hasn't even got the fire started yet.

- It's already to light, though.

- Boy, whoever laid that fire out sure wasn't any boy scout.

That'll never burn.

Here, I'll show you how to make a real hot dog fire.

[music playing]

- Hello, boys.

- Hi, mom.

- Hi, fellas.

- Hi, dad.

- Oh, I see you got the fire started.

That's good, good.

- I had to build it practically from scratch.

- From scratch? Why, I had that fire--

- Whoever laid that fire in the first place did it all wrong,

dad.

- Sorry, John, I tried.

- Well, I'm glad an expert came along

to do it right for us, Dennis.

That's a very good fire.

- It's easy when you know how.

- Yeah. - I helped him.

I helped!

- Yeah, Seymour found a lot of old paper on the table over

there, and he wadded it up good for me--

- Paper?

The table?

My notes!

You burned my notes?

- Jeepers, is that what all that old paper was over there?

- My whole article burned, and after all I went through today?

Oh!

- Hey, don't worry, Mr. Wilson.

You can still write your article.

- How!

- You can spend the whole day with us kids again tomorrow.

- Yeah!

- More ice cream.

- We're gonna hike clear to the top of Pine Mountain.

- And play leap frog all the day down,

hunt Indians, and explore a big cave.

Won't that be swell?

- Oh, no!

Ohhhh!

[theme song]

ANNOUNCER: This has been a Screen Gems film production.