All language subtitles for Dennis.the.Menace.1959.S04E04.The.Little.Judge.1080p.PCOK.WEB-DL.AAC2.0.H.264-Dooky_track1_[eng]

- Dennis!

- I'll be right there, Mom.

I'm busy campaigning.

OK, Tommy.

Is it a deal, then?

I'll vote for you for
district attorney,

if you vote for me for judge.

- I wonder if Judge
McConnell knew

what he was starting
when he decided

to let the children take
over his court for a day.

- Well, it should be a wonderful
experience for the children.

- Hey, guess what, Mom?

I just got another vote.

Tommy's gonna vote for me,
and I'm gonna vote for him.

- Nothing like watching
true democracy in action.

- Hey, do you know what that
Margaret's running for?

- What, dear?

- Public defender.

Now, wouldn't that be awful?

A dumb, old girl trying
to act like a lawyer?

- Well, as a matter
of fact, son, there

are a number of very fine
women lawyers in this country.

- Maybe so, but not Margaret.

She might even try to bring
those dopey dolls of hers

to court with her.

- Oh, that would be
terrible, wouldn't it?

- And how.

I just hope enough
kids don't vote

for her today to get her in.

- Dennis, you haven't even
started your breakfast.

Where are you off to?

- Oh, I'm gonna call
Margaret and see

if she'll vote for
me if I vote for her.

- Hmm.

This is interesting.

It says here Judge
McConnell has officially

designated this Thursday as
Children's Day in his court.

Really?

- I wonder if Dennis
will be tried?

- Children from the
fifth grade down

are voting today to
decide who will take over

the various duties of
the court for the day.

- Let's see that.

Oh, I ask you, how
ridiculous can you get?

- I think it's a rather
interesting idea.

If children today learn
more about the functions

of our court while they're
young, they-- John,

our incinerator's still smoking.

- So what?

It's old enough to smoke.

- But dear, it's after 8
o'clock and the smoke's

blowing over
towards Mrs. Elkins.

- Well, I hope Mrs.
Elkins doesn't take it

as a smoke signal that
we wish to be neighborly.

[phone ringing]

- Yes, Mrs. Elkins.

- Mr. Wilson, your incinerator
is spewing forth foul smoke,

and it is 8:12 in the morning.

- You don't say.

Oh, thank you for
the correct time.

- Must I remind you again
that burning is not

allowed after 8
o'clock in the morning?

- Mrs. Elkins, for
your information,

I started that fire
before 8 o'clock.

If it is still burning,
that is an act of God.

- Mr. Wilson, are you
or are you not going

to do something about
that awful fire?

- Mrs. Elkins, may I
offer a suggestion?

MRS. ELKINS (ON PHONE):
You may, Mr. Wilson.

- Why don't you fly over
here on your broom,

and we'll toast
marshmallows together?

- John!
- Ugh!

- I guess she doesn't like
toasted marshmallows.

- Mr. Wilson!

Hi, Mr. Wilson.

- Yes, Dennis.

- Guess what?

I got elected judge
today for Children's Day

at Judge McConnell's court.

- You, a judge?

Oh, that's fine, Dennis.

And now go and
sentence somebody.

- And I got elected
Mr. District Attorney.

- Why, children, I
think that's wonderful.

- And I'm the public
defender, Mrs. Wilson.

- Now, isn't that enough
to make you sick?

- Now, see here, Dennis Mitchell.

You yourself voted for me.

- So what?

That was politics.

- Hey, don't forget about me.

- What are you, Seymour?

- Hungry.

- Naturally.

I meant, are you taking part
in Children's Day in the court,

too?

- Seymour's foreman of
the jury, Mrs. Wilson.

- My goodness.

- Well, how did you
manage that high honor?

- I gave kids jellybeans
to vote for me.

- It's going to be lots of
fun Thursday, Mr. Wilson.

Are you going to be there?

- Dennis, I would rather be
in the pot of a starving

cannibalism than
in that courtroom.

But I may also add that a court
of law is no place for fun.

Justice is a serious
business and you children

should take advantage of your
opportunity to learn something

about the law and
court procedure.

Now go and read your law books.

I have work to do.

- Mr. Wilson I'm gonna
think about what you said.

- That's fine, Dennis.

You do that.

- Have you ever been tried
for murdering somebody?

- Not recently.

But don't press your luck.

- Aren't they cute?

- Ye-- cute?
[doorbell rings]

- Oh, I'll answer it.

- Well, I'll get
your water for you.

- Thank you, dear.

Oh, Mooney.

What do you want?

- Good afternoon, John.

I'm here on official business.

- Oh, don't tell me
you're selling tickets

to the policeman's ball again.

- No.

According to a complaint
we received at the station

this morning from your
neighbor, Mrs. Elkins,

your incinerator was burning
after 8 o'clock again, John.

- Mooney, I have read
the law very carefully.

And it so happens that I am
completely within my rights.

- Are you saying you're going to
continue to burn after eight?

- If I start before
eight, yes I am.

- What are you doing?

- Heh.

What do you think I'm doing?

- You wouldn't.

- Oh, now, wouldn't I?

Here you are.

It's returnable before Judge
McConnell tomorrow morning.

- Why, you old--
tomorrow morning?

What's wrong with
right now, you fathead?

- There's nothing wrong with
you right now, you fathead.

- Who's a fathead?

- We'll see who's a
fathead, you fathead!

[everyone talking at once]

- Quiet!

- What's more, he called
me a fathead, Your Honor.

- Well, you called me a fathead.

- Never mind that.

You called me a fathead while
you were on official duty.

- Well, that makes you
an official fathead.

- Gentlemen, please.

Mr. Wilson, if you
want satisfaction

for Sergeant Mooney having
called you a fathead,

I suggest you file a civil suit.

Now the law states,
"and no resident

shall use the said
incinerators for the purpose

of burning trash after 8:00 AM.

- You see?

There.

- But Your Honor, I started
my fire before 8 o'clock.

Therefore, I used
the incinerator

before the time limit expired.

And no one can control exactly
the time the fire will go out.

- Mr. Wilson, I interpret
the law to read,

that said incinerators
shall not be

permitted to burn after 8:00 AM.

Now, I could fine
you up to $200,

but I'm going to fine you only
$25 this time, as a warning.

- 25?

I refuse!

- John, you can't refuse.

- Now, see here, Mooney,
it's my $25 and I--

- Sergeant Mooney, Mr. Wilson
has the right to a jury

trial if he so desires.

- Thank you, Your Honor.

Uh, could I have my trial, um,
the-- the day after tomorrow?

- This Thursday?

- Thursday?

Judge McConnell, that's,
uh, Children's Day in court.

- That is correct,
Sergeant Mooney.

And I think this would
be an excellent case

for the children,
as it encompasses

a very interesting
point of the law.

- But Your Honor, after all--

- Sergeant Mooney, I
have the utmost faith

in the children of this
community doing what is right,

once they understand the facts.

Now, Mr. Wilson,
do you hereby agree

to abide by any verdict
the children may hand down?

- I do, Your Honor.

- Very well.

This case is adjourned
until Thursday at 1:00 PM.

- The idea of taking advantage
of Children's Day in court.

- Good day, Mrs. Elkin.

And give my regards
to all the other cats.

John, you're not going
to get away with this.

- With what, Sergeant?

- You know darn well with what.

WIthout paying the $25.

After all, it's not the money.

It's the principle of the thing.

- As far as I'm
concerned, it isn't

the principle of the thing.

It's the $25.

You fathead!

- Stand straight, dear.

- Jeepers.

This law book I
borrowed from Mr. Murphy

sure has got big words.

I guess that's to confuse
the crooks, huh, Dad?

- Oh, something like that.

[doorbell ringing]

- I'll get it.

Oh, hi John.
Come on in.

- Well, thank you,
Henry, thank you.

Evening, Alice.

- Hello, Mr. Wilson.

- Well, well, well.

Is my favorite judge
all ready for Thursday?

- I think so.

But it sure is a good thing I
watch Perry Mason all the time.

- Oh.

Here are some cookies
Mrs. Wilson just baked.

- For me?

- That's right-- Judge.

- Jeepers, thanks!

- Oh, and Dennis,
would you tell, uh,

Margaret and Tommy
and Seymour that I'm

throwing a little
party at my house

after school tomorrow in
honor of you children being

elected to your court positions?

- You are?

Jeepers, I'll go phone
them up right now!

- Oh--
- Dennis!

Oh, there goes his hem.

- John, it's very nice of you
to do that for the children,

but why?

- Uh, why?

Uh, well, I just
thought the youngsters

should be rewarded for their
interest in the justice of man.

That's all.

Well, I guess I'd
better get back.

Good, uh, night, Alice,
Good night, Henry.

- Mr. Wilson.
- Good night, John.

- What do you suppose has
gotten into John Wilson?

- Search me, honey.

But I'll bet there's more to
it than the justice of man.

- Boy, this sure is a
swell party, Mr. Wilson.

- I'm glad you're
enjoying yourself

- Boy, you can say that again.

- I like the cake.

- John Wilson, I hope
you're ashamed of yourself.

- Why, Eloise, it
isn't as though I

was trying to influence
the children-- exactly.

- Well, after all, I do
consider myself innocent.

Don't you?

- Oh, yes, dear.

You and Al Capone.

- You know something, Tommy?

As the judge, I'm
not sure I should

be seen socially with
the district attorney.

- Yeah, I know what
you mean, your honor.

- As the public
defender, I'm not sure I

should be talking
to either of you.

- That's OK with me, Margaret.

- Oh, now, children,
that's nonsense.

We're friends, aren't we?

And friends like us should
socialize with one another

and stick together.

- Especially if one
friend has free cake.

[laughter]

- There you are, Seymour.

- Thank you.

- Now, uh, do you
children know what

cases you have to try tomorrow?

- Judge McConnell's spending
all tomorrow morning with us,

telling us all about the cases.

- He's going to give
us all the facts,

so I can prosecute to the
fullest extent of the law.

- So you can prosecute, Tommy.

And so I can defend.

- I say he's guilty.

- Who's guilty?

- Whoever we're gonna try.

- Now, Seymour, no one's
guilty until the jury

hears all the facts.

- That is correct, Margaret.

And even facts are
sometimes deceiving.

And remember, also, justice
must be tempered with mercy.

- Here, here.

- Oh, go soak your head.

- Yeah, go soak it.

- Don't you worry, Mr. Wilson.

After you talked to us
about justice the other day,

we got together and
decided to really

take our jobs
seriously tomorrow.

- That's the spirit, children.

[doorbell rings]

- Oh.
Excuse me.

- Why, Mrs. Elkins.

- You ought to be
ashamed of yourself,

trying to bribe innocent
little children with sweets.

- My good woman, what
are you talking about?

- You know very well
what I'm talking about.

Stuffing them with
goodies so they'll

find you not guilty tomorrow.

- Nonsense!

Now, if you don't mind,
I have a lot to do.

- Whatcha talking
about, Mr. Wilson?

- Uh, nothing nothing, Dennis.

Nothing, the poor
woman is delirious.

Good day, Mrs. Elkin.

- Not so fast, Mr. Wilson.

If you children want to
know what I'm talking about,

read this afternoon's newspaper.

- I, uh, oh, uh, children!

- Hey kids, listen to this.

- Uh, uh, Dennis-- I--

- Wilson case to come
before Children's Court.

Golly.

- Well, imagine that.

- Let me see it, Dennis.

- Yeah, me too.

- Something about a
burning incinerator.

- So you children are
going to try my case.

Isn't that a surprise?

- Listen here.

Jack McConnell stated he granted
Mr. John Wilson's request

to let the Children's
Court decide

whether he was
guilty as charged.

- Well!

- Is that why you invited us
to this party, Mr. Wilson?

- To bribe us?

- Oh, uh, children,
uh, let me explain--

- I've been bribed!

I've been bribed!

- Quiet, quiet, Seymour.
You see--

- Come on, kids.

Golly, Mr. Wilson,
I never thought

you'd try to tamper
with justice.

- Me neither.

- I'll still handle
your case, Mr. Wilson,

but only because I'm
the public defender.

- I've been bribed!

I've been bribed!

- Seymour!

Leave that here.

- It's mine, you
bribed me with it.

- Goodbye, dear.

- W-where are you going?

- Shopping.

You wouldn't want your wife
to be seen wearing last year's

hat when you get
convicted, would you?

- Third municipal court
is now in session.

Judge Willard T.
McConnell presiding.

- Ladies and gentlemen,
as you all know,

this is Children's
Day in my court.

Having been a judge
for nearly 30 years,

it is my opinion that only
by a proper understanding

of our courts by
all its citizens

can our American
system of justice

be protected and
continue to flourish.

For this reason, I believe
the more our children know

about our courts while
they're still young,

the better equipped they
will be to serve their courts

and have their courts serve
them when they become of age

and are responsible citizens.

I thank you.

- Order in the court!

Everybody please rise.

The third municipal children's
court is now in session.

Judge Dennis Mitchell presiding.

- The first case
on today's docket

is our city versus
Mr. John Wilson.

The charge-- incinerator burning
after the permitted hour.

However, before
proceeding, I would first

like to warn the
court that I expect

a fair trial for the defendant.

Proceed, Mr. Prosecutor.

- Dennis-- I mean, Your Honor,
for the city's first witness,

I wish to call Mrs. Lucy
Elkins to the stand.

Mrs. Elkins, please.

- Do you swear to tell the truth,
the whole truth, and nothing

but the truth, so help you?

- I do.

- Now, Mrs. Elkins, on the
Tuesday morning in question,

what was Mr.
Wilson's incinerator

doing after the legal
burning hour of 8:00 AM?

- Spewing forth foul fumes.

- What did you do?

- Well, first I covered
my face with a towel.

- That sounds like
an improvement.

- Order in the court!

Order in the court!

I must warn the defendant that
one more outburst like that,

and he will be held in contempt.

- Well, I, for one, hold
him in contempt already.

- I object.

- You can't object, Seymour.

Only I can object.

- How about me, Margaret?

I can object, too.

- Order in the court.

What's your objection, Seymour?

- I don't have enough to do.

- Order in the court!

Order in the court!

- So, I wrote out the ticket
and handed it to him.

- And then why did the
defendant do, Sergeant Mooney?

- He became very angry
and called me a fathead.

- I object!

- So did I, but it
didn't do me any good.

- In other words, Mr. Wilson,
as a sincere, conscious,

law-abiding citizen, you felt
you were within your rights

to let your incinerator
burn, since you had started

the fire before 8 o'clock, as
a sincere, law-abiding citizen.

- That is correct, yes.

- Your witness.

- Mr. Wilson, at
what time did you

start your incinerator burning?

- At precisely 7:25 AM.

- And how can you be
sure of the exact time?

- Because at exactly that time
every morning, Mrs. Elkins

opens her bathroom window
and starts to gargle.

- You mean to tell
this court you can

hear Mrs. Elkins gargle
from where you live?

- It isn't easy, but it's
such a pleasant sound,

I try not to miss it.

- Proceed, Mr. District Attorney.

- That will be all, Mr. Wilson.

- And now, if there are
no other witnesses,

- Your Honor, Your Honor, I wish
to call a surprise witness--

Mr. Henry Mitchell.

- Well, what's this
all about, Henry?

- Search me, honey.

- Do you swear to tell the truth,
the whole truth, and nothing

but the truth, so help you?

- I do.

- Mr. Mitchell, you are
the next-door neighbor

of the defendant, correct?

- Uh, I am.

- Will you please tell this
court, in your own words,

exactly what kind
of neighbor he is?

- Well, he's, uh--

- Friendly, honest,
reliable, and understanding?

- I've always found him to be--

- Courageous, quiet,
civic-minded, sensitive,

stable, and kind to children,
people, dogs, birds, and even

Mrs. Elkins' cats?

- Uh, that's correct.

- Your honor, I object.

She's putting words
in the witness' mouth.

- Mr. Mitchell, do
you wish to spit out

any of the words the defendant's
lawyer put in your mouth?

- I do not, Your Honor.

- Your witness.

- That's OK, Mr. Mitchell.

I pass.

- That'll be all, Dad--
uh, Mr. Mitchell.

All right, now it's
time for the summation.

You first, Tommy.

- Ladies and gentlemen
of the jury,

you have heard how the
defendant, though repeatedly

warned, has continued to
let his incinerator burn

after the legal burning hour.

Therefore, there's only
one possible verdict--

guilty as charged.

I thank you.

- Ladies and gentlemen of
the jury, I beg of you,

look at my client--
sick, tired, dejected.

A man who honestly interpreted
the law as he saw it.

He begs of you-- do
not find him guilty.

He asks you, tears in
his big, blue eyes,

for justice tempered with mercy.

As another great woman lawyer
once said, the quality of mercy

is not strained--

- Oh, brother.

MARGARET (OFFSCREEN):
It droppeth

as the gentle rain from
Heaven upon the earth below.

It is twice blessed--

- Your Honor, we have
reached a verdict.

- But you can't reach a verdict.

I'm still talking!

- That's probably why
they reached a verdict.

- Will the defendant rise
and please face the court.

Foreman of the jury, how
do you find the defendant--

guilty or not guilty?

- Not guilty!

[children cheering]
- Oh!

- Did you hear that, Eloise?

It isn't going to
cost me a red cent!

- Oh, congratulations, dear.

Now I can get another new hat.

- How much did that one cost?

- Only $8.

- Oh, well, I saved $25 on
the fine-- I'll tell you,

we'll blow the rest of it
and get a really good one.

- Oh, thank you, dear.

- And to think I owe it all to
this wonderful little lawyer.

- No hard feelings, John.

- Course not, Sergeant, heh heh.
You fathead.

- Order in the court!

Order in the court!

Though the jury has found
the defendant not guilty,

the court strongly suggest
that if Mr. Wilson wants

to burn his junk
in the morning, he

will have to get up
earlier so the fire will

be out by 8 o'clock.

- Whatever you say, Your Honor.

- Just a minute, please.

In lieu of court
costs and legal fees,

the court declares that
Mr. Wilson put up the money

to buy banana splits for
the whole jury and all of us

kids running the court today.

[children cheering]

- That will cost me
more than the fine.

- Yes, John.

And that's on top
of the $25 you just

promised Mrs. Wilson
for a new hat.

- Uh, I object.

- You can't object, Mr. Wilson.

You're the winner.

- Objection overruled.

- Oh, great Christopher.

- This has been a Screen
Gems film production.