All language subtitles for Dennis.the.Menace.1959.S03E36.The.Club.Initiation.1080p.PCOK.WEB-DL.AAC2.0.H.264-Dooky_track1_[eng]

- OK, Chris, I'll
come right over.

Goodbye.

Oh boy.

Hey mom, hey dad.

I've got great news.

I'm gonna be a Scorpion.

- A what?

- A Scorpion.

That's Walter Hooper's club.

Him and Chris [inaudible]
Kevie Watson belong to it,

and all the members
get to wear a shirt

with a scorpion on the front.

- Well, that sounds like a
worthwhile organization.

- It's super.

Walter turned me
down once before,

but Chris just
called and said he

thinks he can get me in today.

- Well, why did Walter
turn you down, dear?

- Well, you see, they're all
a little bigger than me,

and he said I wasn't old enough.

- Well, I hope you
make this time, son.

- I think I will, dad.

Last time was a week ago, and
I'm a whole week older now.

[theme music]

- John, will it be
all right if I--

- Martha.

Please, when I'm
lining up a shot,

I must have absolute quiet.

- I'm sorry.

- Too bad you didn't
keep talking.

Then at least I'd
have had some excuse.

- I just wanted to
tell you that I'm

going to be downtown
shopping most of the day.

Can you fix your own lunch?

- Don't you worry about me.

I'm having lunch
at the country club

with Dr. Fred
Ferguson as his guest.

We're, uh, playing a
round of golf together.

- Oh, well, that's
very nice, but--

- This is a very good
break for me, Martha.

The most exclusive club in
the area, and Dr. Ferguson

plans on putting my
name up for membership.

You know how important it is
to belong to the right club.

- I'm sure it is.

But wouldn't it be better if you
stayed home today and rested?

- Why should I rest?

- You haven't been
sleeping well, John.

I've heard you wandering
around the house at night.

It's probably your nerves.

- Oh, nonsense.

That's the way I get
some of my best ideas

for magazine articles.

- Well, as long as Dr. Ferguson's
coming here, please have him

take a look at you.

- All right, Martha,
it's a waste of time.

There's nothing
wrong with my nerves.

I'm as steady as a rock.

In some ways.

- Oh, you sure got
a nerve, Chris.

I've told you once
before I didn't

want a squirt like
Dennis in the club.

- I know, Walter, but he's
sort of a nice kid, for a kid.

- Yeah, I like him too.

- Look, we better get
something straight.

This is my yard, my club, and
my dad paid for these shirts,

right?

TOGETHER: Right.

- So, I say we do things my way.

Only grown up guys be scorpions.

DENNIS (OFFSCREEN): Hi.

Hi fellows.

- Hi Dennis.
- Hi.

- We were just talking
about you, kid.

- Yeah.

Chris told me that I could
maybe join your club today.

- Well, Chris
couldn't be wronger.

Now beat it and don't come back.

- But I'd be a real
good Scorpion, Walter.

Just give me a
chance to prove it.

- Go on, bear it.

- OK, Walter.

I'll go.

- Gosh, you sure
were tough with him.

- It's the only way to get
rid of the little pest.

- I think he would
make a good Scorpion.

- What's eating you, guys?

Do you wanna go back
to kindergarten?

- Walter.

- Hello Chris, Kevin.
- TOGETHER: Hello, Ms. Cooper.

- Walter, I overheard what
you said to Dennis Mitchell

and I didn't like it a bit.

Now, I want you to
take him in your club.

- Oh, gee, mom.

He's such a little kid.

- He's only two years
younger than you are.

And what's more, his mother's
a good friend of mine.

- But mom--

- Now Walter, don't
argue with me.

You either make Dennis a member,
or I'll speak to your father

and there won't be any club.

- Oh gee, Mom.

Do I have to?

- You do, and stop whining.

It's time you
started to grow up.

- So you have to let
him in after all, huh?

- Oh yeah?

Mom said I had to
make him a member,

but before he becomes a member,
he has to pass initiation.

And if he can't pass the
initiation I cook up,

well, is that my fault?

- Oh, that was very good, John.

- Much closer.

- Well, I wouldn't say I was
ready for the National Open

yet.
Ah.

That's enough putting.

I think I'll, uh, try my swing.

- You're not gonna swing at a
golf ball hear in the house?

- Oh, not with that
golf ball, Martha.

With this one.

- Why, it's light as a feather.

- Yeah.

It's made of cotton.

Only go a couple of feet no
matter how hard you belt it.

- Then what good is it?

- Well, it's a target.

It helps to groove your swing.

- Oh, that's too
technical for me.

Well, you go ahead.

I have to get ready.

- Hi Mr. Wilson!

- Oh, Dennis.

For heaven's sake.

- I just came over
to talk to you.

If you're not too busy to talk.

- Well, I was brushing up
on my golf game until--

- Oh, you're putting, aren't you?

My dad does this all
the time at home.

- Well, I was putting
until you came in and--

[phone ringing]

- Oh, excuse me.

- Is it OK if I put
one, Mr. Wilson?

- Help yourself, Dennis.

[phone ringing]

- Hello.

Oh, hello, Fred.

Oh, emergency call.

Well, I wondered what
was delaying you.

- Jeepers, what a funny ball.

MR. WILSON (OFFSCREEN):
I thought maybe

you were afraid to play with me.

No, I don't mind.

No, take your time.

Oh yeah.

Fred, I'm ready for you.

I have been practicing.

MRS. MITCHELL
(OFFSCREEN): Dennis.

Oh Dennis.

- Coming, mom.
See you later, Mr. Wilson.

You want me, mom?

- Yes dear.

Mrs. Hooper just
called and she said

to tell you that Walter
has changed his mind

and he wants you
to join the club.

- He does?

Oh boy.

That's super.

- So, why don't you
hurry right al--

- Bye mom!

- I wonder why I ever
tell him to hurry.

- OK, Fred, I'll see
you in about an hour.

Bye.

- Oh no.

Oh.

Oh, John.

You said you were
using a cotton ball.

- I was, Martha.

I can't understand it.

I had that-- It was just--
wha-- don't worry about it.

I'll pay for everything.

[springing]

[cuckoo-ing]

- Oh, shut up.

- You're not in it yet, kid.

Not until you take
your initiation.

- Initiation?

What's that?

- It's not much.

We just figure out some
stunts you have to do.

- See, what you've
got do is you've

got to collect three things.

You keep them overnight and
bring them to us tomorrow.

- OK.

- But what do I have to collect?

- Well, first you've
got to get a goat.

A live goat.

Then you've got to get a hat.

A funny hat.

- How about a derby, Walter?

- That'll do.

Then you gotta get a
musical instrument.

Let me see.

A bugle.

Yeah, a bugle.

- A goat, a derby
hat, and a bugle.

I sure hope I can find 'em.

- If you don't, you're
not in the club.

- Oh, I can find 'em all right.

- Where you going to
keep the stuff tonight?

In your garage?

- No, Dad's working on the car.

- Hey, I know.

I'll keep 'em in
Mr. Wilson's garage.

It's empty while
he's away in Ohio.

- OK, get going.

- See you tomorrow, Scorpions.

- He's a good kid, Walter.

Aren't you going
to let him join?

- He's not going to
get in this club ever.

- Look, I know where he's
gonna stash that stuff,

in Wilson's garage.

As fast as he puts it in, I'm
going to sneak it out again.

So he won't have it tomorrow,
and he won't make the club.

- Isn't that sort of a
dirty trick, Walter?

- What do you mean,
sort of dirty trick?

It's a real dirty trick.

That's the best kind.

- Sorry I'm late, John.

- Oh, come on in here, Fred.

I'll be ready to go in a minute.

- We've got a
beautiful day for it.

- Ah, yes, we--
oh, wait a minute.

Hold it.
Hold it.

Right there.

- Hm?

- I want you to look at me, Fred.

How do I look?

OK.

- Well, yeah, you look all right.

Why?

- Well, that silly
sister-in-law of mine

thinks that my nerves are
shaky, which is ridiculous.

So I promised her I'd
have you look at it.

- Oh, fine.

Tell her I did a thorough,
professional job.

- Good.

Well, I'll just finish up in
here, then we'll grab my clubs

and get going.

- Hi, boys.

- May I ask you a favor?

- Well, of course.

What is it?

- Could we keep some stuff in
your garage, just for tonight?

Dad's using ours.

- Of course you can.

But be careful not
to let the door slam.

If it does, the lock
catches, and you

can't get it again
without a key.

- OK, Mrs. Wilson.

Thanks a lot.

- You're welcome.
- Goodbye, boys.

- Bye.
- Bye, Mrs. Wislon.

The first thing we got to find,
Tommy, is a real, live goat.

Let's go!

- You know, John, maybe it wasn't
your fault, but I don't know.

Any guy who goes around
belting golf balls in the house

will bear watching.

- I'll show you
how to belt a golf

ball when we get to the club.

- I'm most anxious to put
you up for membership, John.

I think you'll fit in perfectly.

- Thanks, Fred.

Belonging to the right
club is very important.

And as you know, I'm thinking
of bringing in my wife

and moving into this
delightful town of yours.

- Well, splendid, John, splendid.

- Sure was swell
of Opie to lend us

his good old goat, huh, Tommy?

- Yeah.

You'll get in the
club easy now, I bet.

- Heck yes.

Walter said so himself.

Go on, now.

Get in there, boy.

That's it.

Stay in there, now.

Tommy, close it easy.

Remember?

- Oh, yeah.

- I think it's a
good thing to have

a special club for
us older fellas.

You know, you, and me,
and Walter and those guys.

- Sure it is.

- The next thing we've gotta
get is that derby hat.

Are you sure your dad
will let us have it?

- Sure.

It's out in the garage,
and all battered up.

He doesn't wear it anymore.

Come on!

- All right, Fred.

Let's go.

- Aren't you going
to take your clubs?

- What?

Oh, I forgot them.

I forgot my shoes.

I'll be right back.

- You know, John, I'm beginning
to worry about you, myself.

You remember how to
play golf all right?

- Oh, it's just that I'm excited
about playing at the club.

I'll only be a minute.

[bleating]

- What are you doing in here?

How did you get-- get out.

Never mind.

I'll go and get help.

Where the deuce did
that beast come from?

- John, we were just in
the garage minutes ago.

There was no goat there then.

- There's a goat out there now.

He's got horns that long.

- Oh, stop.

You're kidding.

I certainly am not.

Come on out, and
I'll show him to you.

- No, I'll take your word for it.

Let's get on out to the club.

- Let's get the goat
out of there first.

I don't want him
hanging around, anyway.

He's liable to wreck the place.

Now come on!

- Maybe it was a mouse you saw.

He startled you silly,
you thought it was a goat.

- Does a mouse go ba-a-a-ah?

Not as a rule, no.

- Watch.

Vicious looking animal.
Watch out.

He's-- he's gone.

He was there a minute ago, Fred.

I saw him.

A great, big goat standing
right there, looking at me.

Ba-a-ah, he said.

Ba-a-ah.

- Let's go in the house
and sit down, John.

I think we'd better
skip the golf today.

- What?

Why's that's ridiculous.
- No, no, no, John.

Four hours in the hot sun
wouldn't be good for you.

- Oh, now--

- Come on, I want to take
your blood pressure.

- My blood--

- Come on, my bag's
right in the car.

- But, he was, I saw--

- Isn't Dennis eating
with us, honey?

- He phoned from the
Andersons' a little while ago.

He had lunch with Tommy.

- He's certainly
a busy boy today,

what with joining that club.

Did he tell you that he
had to get hold of a bugle,

and a derby?

And a--

- A goat?

- Yes, he said he was gonna keep
it over at Mr. Wilson's garage.

- It's in our yard right
now, eating our flowers!

- Why, that stupid thing
must have gotten out!

- I have enough trouble trying
to raise flowers without that.

- I'll go put it back in
Wilson's garage, honey.

Keep my soup warm.

- Hi, boy. ow you doing?

Did you miss us?

- Hey, Dennis.

Try the hat on him, and see what
he looks like with a derby on.

- OK.

Here, boy, you're gonna
get all dressed up.

Don't he look funny?

- Yeah.

He looks even funnier than
my dad did when he wore it.

- Don't go away now, boy.

We'll be back in a little while.

Come on, Tommy.

Don't slam the door, Tommy.

Close it easy.

Remember, Mrs. Wilson says
it'll lock if you slam it.

- Now, I wonder where we
can find ourselves a bugle?

- Now, now, just relax, John.

It's OK.

It's nothing to be upset about.

- Who's upset?

You're the only one who's upset.

- These mild hallucinations
occur quite often.

We don't know
exactly why, but we

do know that rest and
the proper nutrition--

- Look, look, Fred.

There was a goat in our garage.

He isn't there now, that's
quite all right with me.

I won't mention
another word about it.

Now, let's go play golf.

- Nope, not today.

I want you to rest.

- I don't need any--

- Now, John, I'm going to
have to be firm with you.

When I introduce you to
the officers at the club,

I want you to be at
your absolute best.

Now, in a few days, if there's
no recurrence of this thing,

then we'll make the club, OK?

- But I want to play golf.

- I know, but-- mm-mm.

- Now, you go put your clubs
away, then you come in,

and we'll have a long talk.

Don't worry.

We'll get you back to normal.

- Stubbornest
character I ever met.

Acts like I'm some kind
of a nut, or something.

Hallucinations, indeed.

Because he didn't see
it standing there,

he thinks I imagined you.

How could anyone imagine a goat?

With a hat?

Oh, no!

And he's out there again,
just like I told you he was!

- Yes, of course he is, John.

Just sit down.

Now, relax.
Sit down.

- He's in the very same spot.
- Yes.

- Staring at me with those eyes.

- I'm not done with you, John.

- I went right in the
door, and there he was.

- Sit down.
Now open your mouth--

- Stop treating me
like a couch case!

Come and look at
the goat yourself,

if you don't believe me!

- John, we are not going out
and looking at that goat

until you calm down.

- Now, that's better.

Now, what was this goat doing?

Eating a tin can, perhaps?

- No.

He wasn't eating anything.

He was standing
there staring at me

with that derby hat
cocked over one eye.

- Wearing a derby hat?

Mm-hm.

What else was he wearing, John?

Black tie?

Spats?

- Of course not.

Goats don't wear sptats.

Now, you know that.

- Of course they don't.

Goats just wear derby
hats, that's all.

Now, when you first saw the
goat, did he speak to you,

or just smile?

- Oh, stop it!

This is ridiculous.

You are going out to that
garage if I have to carry you!

- All right, then!

All right!

- Come on.

Come on.
Come on.

I don't know how you
got back in here,

but I guarantee he's not
gonna find you this time.

I'll take you to my house.

Show that little smart-alec.

- Look, Fred, I'm sick and
tired of being doubted.

- Of course, John.

Of course.

We'll go in there right now.

I'll have a talk with that goat.

- I could've sworn I saw it.

- I know.

I know.

These things seem real to
people in your condition.

- Oh.

Oh, I'd better lie down.

I'm not a well man.

- Are you sure we should
have taken the goat?

What if Walter finds out?

- Aw, how's he gonna find out?

Besides, I think it's a dirty
trick to play on Dennis.

- We'll just put him back
here in Mr. Wilson's garage,

where he's supposed to be.

Get in there, boy.

You know what we
oughtta do, Chris?

We oughtta start
a whole new club,

with Dennis and some other kids.

And the heck with Walter.

- Boy, I thought we'd
never find a bugle.

It's a good thing you thought
of looking at the city dump.

- Well, if a fella's gonna join
an older man's club, Tommy,

he's gotta be
thinking every minute.

Hey, he lost his hat.

Here it is.

He must've dropped it.

Here, let's put it back on him.

What we gotta do now, Tommy,
is find this good old goat

something to eat.

- You won't be needing
these for a while.

I'll put them away for you so
they won't even remind you.

- Oh, thank you, Fred.

Bring lots of medicine.

[horn blowing]

- Oh no.

Oh no.

Me too.

No.

No no.

[horn blowing]

- No.

- Hey.

Somebody locked the door.

- Yeah.

- Let's go get the
key from Mr. Wilson.

That old goat must be hungry
enough to eat his hat by now.

Mr. Wilson!

Could we have the
key to the garage

so-- Jeepers, are you
lying down, Mr. Wilson?

- Yes, Dennis, is I'm lying down.

I've been lying down
for a long time.

- Can we have the key
to the garage though?

- So we could feed out goat?
Because he's locked in there--

- Not-- Not now, Dennis.

Some other time.

I have a terrible headache.

Goat!
Did you say goat?

- Yes sir.

We've gotta have a goat
to get in the club with.

BOY (OFFSCREEN): Hey,
Dennis, are you in there?

- Yeah, come on in.

- Now, uh, Dennis.

About this goat.

- We've been looking for you.

You know what that
Walter Hooper did?

- He stole the goat out
of Mr. Wilson's garage.

- And took it to his house.
- Jeepers.

Why did he do that?

- So you couldn't
get in the club.

- But we put the
goat back for you.

- The goat.
Was it a real--

- Jeepers, Kevin.

Thanks a lot.

- We got the derby hat all right.

- Yeah, and the bugle.

Now we're getting-- Boys, boys.

Please.

Now, Dennis.

Please come and sit
down here a minute.

- OK, Mr. Wilson.

- Now, Dennis.

I want you to tell-- oh, Martha.

Come in here and listen to this.

- All right now, Dennis.

I want you to tell me the whole
story right from the beginning.

- Well, you see, there's this
club called the Scorpions

and I wanted to be in it.

So if it hadn't been
for Walter Hooper,

I guess the goat would've
been there all the time.

- Oh Dennis.

You are a good boy.

You have made a well man of me.

By jove, Martha.

I am going to play at the
country club after all.

- Maybe you ought to
call Dr. Ferguson?

- Oh yes.

I should be able to get him
at his office right now.

Well he get a laugh out of this.

Just wait until he hears.

- We're fed up with
that Walter Hooper,

and you know what we're
going to do, Dennis?

- If the members of the club
impress me as the right sort,

I might let them put me up for
board of directors next year.

I could-- Oh, hello.

Dr. Ferguson, please.

This is John Wilson.

- Dr. Ferguson can't
speak to anyone

right now, and certainly
not to you, Mr. Wilson.

- What do you mean
certainly not to me?

Where is he?

Is he there?

- He's here all right, but I'm
trying to calm his nerves.

He keeps insisting he saw
a goat in your garage.

- Oh yes.

I-- I know about that.

That's why I called.

A goat wearing a
derby hat, and spats,

and playing the Stars and
Stripes Forever on a bugle.

- Oh, no, no, Ms. Jackson.

Not the Stars and Stripes.

The goat was playing
Suwanee River.

For heaven's sake,
get it straight.

- Sorry doctor.

I've got to hang
up now, Mr. Wilson.

I've got to call a doctor.

- Oh, but nurse, I-- I-- Nurse?

Hello?
Hello.

Hello.

Great heavens, Martha.

Poor Freddie
Ferguson has flipped.

- Oh, dear.

- Oh, this is dreadful.

Now I'll never get in that club.

- Don't worry, Mr. Wilson.

Me, and Tommy,
and the other kids

have just made up a swell
new club, the Buzzards.

- And it's a very exclusive club.

Just for us older fellows.

- Yeah.

And we're gonna let
you join because you're

the oldest fellow we know.

You can be a buzzard.

- Well bully for me.

[theme music]

NARRATOR: This has been a
Screen Gems film production

from the Hollywood studios
of Columbia Pictures.