Original subtitles

[music playing]

- Hi Mom, Hi Dad, I want you to meet Clive.

- Oh, hello Clive.

- And who's little boy are you?

- He's ours.

- Ours?

- I just won him from Clive's big brother in a game of marbles.

[music playing]

- There, now Mitchell, you see this little tripper

breaks the circuit.

And all I have to do is attach this wire

you brought me right there to the back of my homemade burglar

alarm.

And if anyone tries to break in, these lights

will flash, this bell will ring, the siren will go off.

- And we'll get a summons for disturbing the peace.

- Oh, Martha.

- You're really concerned about these robberies,

aren't you, Mr. Wilson?

- I most certainly am, Mitchell.

Just look at this headline, "Stocking Bandit

Strikes Again."

Why, do you realize there have been

four robberies the last five days all in this general area?

- Well, don't look at me.

I've been home every evening.

And I can prove it.

Sure you won't change your mind and play a little golf me.

- Oh, no thank you, Mitchell, but thanks again for the wire

you brought me.

[music playing]

- There, Martha, we are now living

in an impregnable castle.

There is absolutely no way anyone

can get inside these walls without first setting

off the George Wilson, homemade, super deluxe, fool proof

burglar alarm.

- Hi Mr. Wilson!

Hi Mrs. WIlson!

- Dennis, Great Scott, how did you get in here?

- Through the basement.

I was playing hide and seek with Tommy.

- Oh, good grief, I forgot all about the basement.

- Hey, Mr. Wilson, do you know who

I think is living right next door to you?

- Dennis I know who's living right next door to me, you.

- I mean on the other side, the man

who just moved in last week.

- Oh, now, don't tell me you think he's the stocking bandit.

- Jeepers, yes!

- Dennis, I may not like my new neighbor very much.

But I assure you he is not the stocking bandit.

- Are you sure?

- What makes you think Mr. Switzer is the stocking bandit?

- Because he keeps the shades down and keeps

peaking out of corners.

- You know, Martha, I've noticed that too.

- I hardly think that evidence would stand up in court.

- What are you going to do now, Mr. Wilson?

- I'm going to mind my own business.

And I suggest you do the same thing.

You run on home, Dennis.

I'm very busy.

- Doing what?

- Oh, well, I'll think of something.

[music playing]

[sirens]

- Jeepers, Mr. Wilson, that sure is a swell new front door

buzzer you got.

- Oh, for Pete's Sake!

[music playing]

- Ha, there's that Wilson fellow peering over here again.

- Oh, Marvin, there's no law against a person looking out

of his window.

- Look, Lillian, I still say that there is something mighty

peculiar about a man getting so upset because somebody happens

to drive over his Petunia border.

- Oh, Marvin.

- George Wilson.

- Oh, well it is peculiar the way that man

keeps his shape drawn all the time and peaking out.

- Oh, George, just because he accidentally

drove across your Petunia border doesn't make him a criminal.

- Perhaps not, Martha, but you just never

know who's living next door to you these days.

- Here, George, here's the silk stocking you wanted.

- Oh, thank you, Martha.

Yes, my alarm will stop him if he comes in the door.

But if he tries the window, well, we'll

soon see how good a watchdog Fremont is.

- Dear, don't think you're being just

a little silly about this whole thing?

- Now, Martha, there's nothing silly

about a man trying to protect his home,

especially when a hardened criminal

could be living right next door.

- Yes, dear.

- Now, you let Fremont up from the basement when I leave.

I'll put this stocking mask on to disguise myself.

Then I'll tap at the window and try to break in.

- Oh, George that cap, what will the neighbors think?

- Well, Martha, I'll only be out there for a few minutes.

[music playing]

- Hmm, strange--

- Now, Marvin they are his bushes.

He's probably just pruning them or something.

- With a cap pulled down, and his collar turned up,

and holding a silk stocking?

- Next you'll be telling me he's the stocking bandit

robbing his own house because business is slow.

- Lillian, the man could be deranged.

Remember, kleptomaniacs don't care who they rob.

- Come on.

- But there is a man next door, Mrs. Mitchell.

- Yeah, Ma, with his back to us and a funny-looking cap on.

[music playing]

- I wish your father were home.

[buzzing]

- Oh dear, the Wilson's line is busy.

- Oh boy, Mrs. Mitchell, now he's pulling something

down over his head.

- He's the stocking bandit, OK Tommy.

I'm going to get all my guns out just in case.

- Operator, give me the police.

And hurry.

Police?

This is Mrs. Henry Mitchell of 627 Elm Street.

I want to report a--

- A mean old stocking bandit.

[music playing]

- Now, Becker, I told the chief I'd

be glad to take week off from the desk

just to see you got started all right.

So I'll make the decisions.

- OK, Sarge.

- Yeah, you remember that, and we'll be the happiness twins.

- Sure, Sergeant.

RADIO (OFFSCREEN): Car 29, Car 29, come in please.

- I think that's us, Sarge.

- I know it's us.

- Car 29, go ahead.

RADIO (OFFSCREEN): Stocking bandit

reported hiding in bushes the vicinity of 627 Elm Street.

Proceed with caution.

- 10-4.

- Come on, Sarge!

- Becker!

It's such a lovely day.

Let's drive over, shall we?

[music playing]

- He's looking in their window now.

- Oh dear, I still can't get the Wilson's.

- Maybe he cut their telephone wires.

Boy, is the phone company going to be sore at him.

- Yes, Harriet, yes, dear, Harriet,

I really-- Harriet, I'm expecting a stocking bandit.

[knocking]

- Oh, I wonder where that silly dog is.

Fremont?

[shrieking]

- Sorry, Sarge, right on your corn, huh?

- Becker, you stay in the car. Listen to the radio?

- What station?

- Well, try one.

What station he asks.

[whistling]

- Fremont!

Fremont?

[music playing]

- Fremont?

- Gotcha!

- What's going on here?

Let me up!

Ow!

- Sergeant Mooney's caught him!

- Oh boy!

- Children come back here!

- Oh, for heaven's sake, Mooney get off me!

- George Wilson is that you?

- Well, of course it's me, you fat head.

- It's Mr. Wilson!

- Oh, dear!

- I was worried to death.

- George Wilson, what in Sam Hill you doing in that get up?

- Well, if you must know, Mooney, I

was testing Fremont to find out how good a watch dog he is.

[barking] - Now I've seen everything.

- Here comes Fremont now, Mr. Wilson.

- Uh oh, I hope he doesn't bite me in this disguise.

All right, Fremont, it's only me.

[bark]

- Oh, good grief.

[laughter]

- Some watch dog!

[music playing]

- Oh, can you imagine that Mooney,

attacking innocent people on their own property?

- Now, George, Sergeant Mooney was only doing his duty.

- Fiddle faddle his duty.

And shame on you, Fremont.

A fine watch dog you are.

And get off that chair!

- Mr. Wilson!

Mr. Wilson! - Oh, good grief.

- Hey, Mr. Wilson, look at this picture of the 10 most

wanted criminals that Tommy took off a detective magazine.

- Don't tell me you finally made the list, Dennis.

- Who does this look like to you, Mr. Wilson?

- Well, let's see.

I don't know.

It does remind me of somebody, though.

- Here, why don't you draw a mustache on him?

- Great Scott, Martha, it looks just exactly like Mr. Switzer!

- Boy, does it ever.

- Well, I admit the mustaches do look alike.

- No, Martha, what could be more logical?

A wanted convict hiding out in a quiet, respectable neighborhood

by day--

- And being the stocking bandit by night.

- Cecil Skinny Boy Floyd, alias Slimy Cecil,

alias Cecil the Fifth, alias--

- Mr. Wilson!

Come look!

Here he is now!

[music playing]

- Martha, the resemblance is startling!

- Yes, dear, Alice and I are going to the store.

- Oh, all right, Martha, goodbye.

- Are you going to call Sergeant Mooney, Mr. Wilson?

- No, Dennis, if I call that old windbag and I'm wrong

he'd make me the laughingstock of the entire town.

No, Dennis, we need some positive evidence

before we can do anything.

[music playing]

- Oh, what have we here?

Dennis, that must be the rest of his gang!

- There's one thing I don't understand, Mr. Wilson.

- Yes, Dennis?

- If crime doesn't pay, how come the bad guys

drive big, new cars?

- Well, Lou, is it or is not the best cheap costume jewelery

you've seen in years?

- Pull up the shade, will you?

- Great Scott!

If that isn't a diamond bracelet I'll eat my new hat.

- Let me see, Mr. Wilson.

Wow!

- They're good for the money, all right.

The manufacturer was going bankrupt.

And we bought up his entire inventory at half price.

Burt and I should be able to peddle this

to every shop that sells costume jewelry in the state,

right, boy?

- We've got plenty of it in the basement, and more on the way.

And if that isn't enough, then-- uh, oh.

There he is again, Lillian.

This time he's spying on us through binoculars.

- Oh, Marvin.

Marvin's convinced that our next door neighbor

is the local stocking bandit.

- Say, why don't we take this case and try old man Schultz?

If we can sell a tough a wholesaler like him,

then we know we got 'em made.

- You do that.

All right, let's go.

- Marvin!

- Just in case our friendly neighbor

drops in while we're out.

- And what are you going to do with the key?

Swallow it?

- Can you see anything, Mr. Wilson?

- No, those darn curtains are in the way.

Nope, can't see a thing.

Well, let's get out of here before they return, Dennis.

Dennis?

[music playing]

- Hey, Mr. Wilson!

This window is open!

Uh oh, I dropped my water gun.

- Well, you'll just have to leave it then.

- But it's brand new.

It's only been squirted once.

- Oh, all right, but hurry.

[music playing]

- Wow--ee!

Hey, Mr. Wilson!

Look!

This sure would make a swell reflector for my bike.

- Great Scott, Dennis!

Quick, close that case up and slide it over here

so I can reach it.

We'll take it to that fat head Mooney as evidence.

Hurry!

Lift it up to where I can reach it!

Hurry!

Just lift it up!

- It's too heavy, Mr. Wilson.

- Oh, all right, I'll get it.

- Are you OK, Mr. Wilson?

- Good grief.

- This time, Marvin, we just can't miss.

- Yeah, that Lou certainly knows his business.

Once he got inside the door, that poor man

never knew what hit him.

- Jeepers, did you hear that, Mr. Wilson?

- Shh!

Why, the fiend!

Dennis, we've got to call Mooney before they strike again.

- That sounded like it came from the basement.

- Push harder, Mr. Wilson.

- I did push hard.

Dennis, be quiet.

Now we'll try it again.

- Marvin, there is somebody down there!

- Oh, I forgot the phone isn't connected yet.

- Run next door and call the police from the Wilson's!

- Yes, dear-- the Wilson's!

That could be him down there now.

- Oh, Marvin.

- I'll go to the next house.

You lock yourself in the bathroom.

- Alice!

Honey, I'm home!

[doorbell]

- I live down the street. It's an emergency.

Can I use your phone?

- Phew, finally.

- And it was the water from my water gun that did it,

huh Mr. Wilson?

- That's right, Dennis.

Good boy.

Oh, geez.

Oh!

- It's stuck, Mr. Wilson.

- Well, of course it's stuck.

Don't just sit there.

Call for help.

- OK, help! - Shh!

No, not here!

- Oh.

RADIO (OFFSCREEN): Car 29, car 29, come in please.

- Car 29, go ahead.

RADIO (OFFSCREEN): Proceed to 627 Elm Street immediately.

Robber reported in the vicinity.

- Yes sir, or, 10-4.

[music playing]

[sirens] - Becker!

Wait for me!

[doorbell] - Mrs. Wilson!

Mrs. Wilson!

- The police want me to wait here for them.

I hope you don't mind.

- Not at all, Mr. Switzer.

And stop your worrying.

I'm sure Mrs. Switzer is perfectly all right.

- Oh!

- That's one of my son's water pistols

from his locally famous arsenal.

- Jeepers, he's got Dad!

- Oh, Fremont, what are you doing here?

Go home, Fremont.

Go on.

- Help!

Sergeant Mooney, boy am I glad to see you!

Come on!

- OK.

- You and I'll will go in the back way.

You wait out here, Mr. Mitchell.

I sure wish I hadn't forgotten the Sarge like that.

[barking]

- Stick it!

- Well, they were right her, Sergeant Mooney.

Dad! Hey, Dad!

Dad!

He must have taken Dad to his hideout.

Come on! - Wait for me, Dennis!

[barking]

- Mr. Wilson, what on Earth are you doing?

- Oh, Mitchell there's no time to explain now.

- Dad, are you all right?

- Mooney, it's about time.

- This isn't a place to be--

- Quiet all you.

Dennis get over there where it's safe.

- Help me out of here.

This window's stuck.

- Hey, Dad, how'd you get away from the stocking bandit?

- Why, I-- who?

- It's coming, George.

- All right, don't make a move.

Put 'em up! You too!

Sarge, how'd you get here?

- Marvin, it's him, Mr. Wilson.

- I knew it, Lillian.

I knew it!

- Mooney, arrest those people!

- Gee, this sure is getting to be an exciting neighborhood,

isn't it?

[music playing]

- And then Dennis came over and saw Mr. Switzer with this water

pistol and thought I was being held prisoner.

- It was wonderful of you folks not to press charges.

- That wouldn't been very neighborly, now, would it?

- Well, besides, it wouldn't have done you any good.

I was planning to plead temporary insanity anyway.

- And I'd have been your first witness.

- Martha.

[doorbell]

- Come in!

[sirens]

- What is this?

- Oh, I forgot to turn off the alarm.

- What on Earth is going on?

What is this?

What's going on?

What is this?

- Oh, it's just my homemade burglar alarm.

- Oh, trying to take over our job, huh?

Now, look, George, I just want you

to know that we caught the stocking

bandit without your help.

- Oh, you did, where?

- Downtown stealing a pair of stockings!

[laughter]

- Well, they caught him.

- Thank goodness.

- Mr. Wilson, you know that big green house down the street?

- Why, yes, Dennis.

- Well, I just saw the man who moved in.

And he looks exactly like wanted criminal number three.

- Oh, good grief.

[music playing]