Original subtitles

- Hey Mom?

Do you know where my rubber boots are?

- Yes, dear.

They're in the hall closet.

What are you all dressed up like that for?

Is it raining outside?

- Oh no.

Me and Toddy are playing like we're on a ship at sea.

I'm the captain and Toddy's the first mate.

And we're caught in a big storm!

- I see.

It's just a make believe storm.

- Oh no, it's a real storm.

One of the pipes busted in the basement

and there's water squirting all over the place!

- Pipes!

Dennis!

Henry, call the plumber!

[theme music]

- Oh, confound it!

Why does he have to keep harping at me?

- Who, dear? - Oh, Sergeant Mooney.

Listen to this. "Dear Mr. Wilson,

you still haven't paid the $5 for that jaywalking

citation you got last week.

If this isn't paid promptly, an additional penalty

of $5 for each day of delay can be assessed."

Now I resent these Gestapo tactics!

- Well, you did jaywalk, didn't you?

- Well, of course I owe them money and they'll get it.

But I just don't appreciate being

treated as though I were a menace to society.

- Smile, Mr. Wilson.

- Oh Dennis, stop that.

I'm in no mood for smiling.

- Don't be cross, George.

Let him take your picture.

- You don't have to smile if you don't want to, Mr. Wilson.

I only wanted to--

- Oh, all right.

I'll smile.

If you must take my picture, I want to look natural.

Be sure and get this side of my face.

It's my best side.

- OK, Mr. Wilson.

- If it turns out well, I'll take an extra print.

- I don't think it'll turn out at all, Mr. Wilson.

- Hmm?

- You see, there's no film in the camera.

- No film?

What's the idea?

- Well, I'm only practicing for my school project.

It's Dad's camera and he doesn't want me to waste film.

- Oh.

- What is this school project of yours, dear?

- It's for our history class.

Miss Perkins wants us to take pictures

of all the famous stuff around town-- like the Charter

Oak and the City Hall-- and then write a composition about them.

- Well, that sounds very interesting.

- But a picture of me would be nothing!

- I have an idea.

Wouldn't this be a fine chance to use

that new movie camera of yours?

- For a school project?

- Real movies?

Jeepers, that would be keen!

- I'm sure Dennis' teacher would be impressed.

And you'd do a wonderful job.

- Well, the town does have many historical points of interest.

A record of them would be quite worthwhile.

- And if I took her some movies, I

bet Miss Perkins would give me an A!

- Well, it could be a first class documentary film.

[laughs] Oh, would your teacher object to my assistance?

- Oh no!

She said our folks could help us.

And you're practically my folks.

- Well by golly, I'll do it!

- Oh boy!

That would be swell!

When can we start?

- Oh, the sooner the better.

You know Dennis, this project of yours

may be uh, quite valuable.

Why, it'll be the first time the story of our town

has been put on film.

- And if Miss Perkins gives me an A,

you know that would be another first time.

Well, see you later!

- [laughing]

- Boy, this certainly is a nice camera, Mr. Wilson.

- [laughs] It is a beauty.

Well Mitchell, what do you think of our plan?

- Well, it sounds great to me.

It's certainly a break for Dennis.

- It's very kind of you to do this for him.

- Oh.

- Have you used your new camera much, Mr. Wilson?

- Well no. [clears throat] Actually this'll

be the first time.

But I know exactly what to do.

I've read the instructions very carefully.

- Will you and Dad come with us, Mom?

- Oh honey, we'd just be in the way.

- Yeah, we don't want to butt in.

- Oh nonsense, Mitchell.

Besides it'll be a perfect way to spend our Saturday.

And we're going to need some people for the scenes,

so all of you can be our cast.

Well, it's all settled then.

Now you girls go get fixed up.

And uh, we'll be ready, as they say in Hollywood,

for lights, camera, action!

- [laughs] I'll go put on a tie.

- Now Martha, have you recorded all the shots

I've taken so far, dear?

- Yes, George.

Scene one, general view of the park.

Scene two, all of us strolling through it.

Scene three, close up of Alice and me.

Scene four, the Charter Oak.

- Oh, that's fine.

Now uh Dennis, we're going to write

some descriptive narrative to go with each of these pictures,

but I want to be sure that everything is in proper order.

- Boy, you think of everything!

- I, well, I try to!

Now let's move along to the City Hall.

- Look Mr. Wilson!

- Hmm?

- Let's get a picture of that little squirrel.

[squirrel chatters] - Oh, that's a good idea, Dennis.

Animal studies always lend interest to a picture.

[squirrel chatters]

- Get him quick!

He's going up the tree!

- Yeah, I see him.

I see him, Dennis.

I've, I think I've, oh, I've got him!

[squirrel chatters]

[splash]

- Oh!

- Mr. Wilson!

[interposing voices]

- Come up here!

Oh, are you OK?

- Sure taking some good pictures for my project, Mr. Wilson.

- We'd have even had more, Dennis,

if I hadn't had to waste time changing my clothes.

Of all the stupid-- oh Martha, dear,

what's our record up to now?

- Well, the latest ones are City Hall, the public library,

that fine picture of Mr. Watterson in front of his bank,

and the stockyards.

- Oh good, good.

- Well, here's the mayor's house, Mr. Wilson.

What kind of a shot do you want to get of it?

- Well, I think I'll get a nice shot of the group of you

right in front of the gate here.

Dennis, you stand there.

Come on over, folks.

That's it, together.

Then I'll get a closer shot of the house later.

All right now, nice big smiles.

That's fine.

- Well, well, Mr. and Mrs. Mitchell!

Mrs. Wilson!

Dennis. - Hi, Your Honor.

- Oh, Your Honor. - Why, Mr. Wilson!

- My goodness, Your Honor.

- [laughs] When I saw the camera, Mr. Wilson,

my curiosity got the better of me.

What are you doing?

- Oh, we're compiling a filmed record of the town's points

of interest for Dennis' history class, Your Honor.

- It's going to be a documentary film.

- Now that you're here, Your Honor,

could we get a shot of you?

- Why, I'd, I'd be delighted.

- Oh fine!

Uh, would you make some brief remark

concerning your policies, Mr. Mayor?

I'd like to get a close up of you in action.

- Why, just the thing!

- That's it.

All right, now.

You can go right ahead.

- My friends and fellow citizens, I

promise never to falter in my efforts

to bring clean and honest government to this city.

- Oh, thank you, Your Honor.

- Not at all.

I'm the one who should thank the good people who

elected me to this office.

- Well, we thought you were the right man

for the job, Your Honor.

- You may rest assured, Mr. Mitchell.

I strive hard to be worthy.

I keep my nose to the grindstone,

my shoulder to the wheel, and my finger on the public pulse.

- Hey, could we get a picture of him doing that?

I'd like to see that!

- [laughing]

- Well, we got a good shot of the city jail.

Now let's move along to the old adobe house.

- Well, George Wilson!

Hey uh, did you get that love note I sent you?

- Love note?

- Yeah.

- Oh, you mean about that jaywalking citation.

- Now you're thinking.

- Well Mooney, I meant to call you about that,

but [laughs] I got involved in this movie project

and forgot all about it.

- Movie project?

- It's for my history class.

- He's taking pictures of all the important landmarks

and prominent citizens.

- Prominent citizens, eh?

Well uh, make sure you don't uh, overlook any.

- Oh, I don't intend to.

Now about that citation, Mooney.

I don't think it's fair to assess me for delayed payments.

- Well, I just might be able to speak to the court

and uh, get you out of it all together.

- Oh!

Well now, I certainly would appreciate that.

- That is if uh, everything goes right

for a certain prominent citizen.

- Oh? Who's that?

- You know what, Mr. Wilson?

I think Sergeant Mooney wants to be in our movie too.

- You know Dennis, you're smarter than he is.

- Oh, for heaven's sakes.

How stupid of me.

Of course you should be in the movie, Mooney. [laughs]

Why, no one deserves it more than our stalwart uh, defender

of the law.

- Well, it's your project, Dennis.

Uh, is it OK with you?

- Sure, Sergeant Mooney.

I like you!

- Oh thanks, son.

- When we play cops and robbers, I get real mad 'cause

I always want to be you.

And Eddie Nolan always gets to be you.

- Oh?

Why does Eddie get the break?

- Well, he's got the biggest feet of any of us kids.

- Uh, uh, I'll take your picture right here

in front of the police station, Mooney.

- Oh!

Oh George, uh, you want me to run over to the jail

and get a prisoner I captured?

He's just a hobo I picked up over at the railroad yards

and I picked him up single handed.

- Oh no, that won't be necessary, Mooney.

Now just pose here with Dennis and the others.

Dennis, you stand right there.

You folks get up on the steps behind him.

And I'll step out here to the curb and start the camera.

- Oh! - Oh!

- Ooh, my purse!

- Oh, I'll get it, Mrs. Mitchell.

- Thank you, Sergeant.

- Ah, Martha, put that down.

Sergeant Mooney outside police station.

- Hell, George, it was nice of you to include me.

I'll do the best I can about helping out on that fine.

- Oh, well that's good news.

- 'Course, that doesn't mean I approve of jaywalking.

That's a pretty serious offense.

- Oh, I understand.

All right folks, the next shot will be the old adobe house.

We'll go down to the corner and cross over.

- Oh no, George.

Cross right here, it's closer.

I'll stop the traffic.

[blows whistle]

- Shall we jaywalk, dear?

- Love to.

[brakes squealing]

[blows whistle]

- All right, now.

I'm going to shoot this scene with all of you

in it to give it human interest.

Now Dennis, I want you right over here.

And you're pointing to the sign as if you're

showing it to them, you see?

- OK.

I'll even read it out loud.

Old Harper House, built 1863.

- Good boy.

- Boy, I bet that's older than anybody.

When were you built, Mr. Wilson?

- Uh.

- Dennis, people are born.

You don't see they're built.

- Dad does.

He was looking at a picture in the paper

and I heard him say, "This Miss America sure is--"

- Uh, uh Dennis, that's enough!

Uh, Mr. Wilson, where did you want us?

Uh--

- Oh, I want the three of you to come

from that doorway over there.

And stay close together, please.

Dennis'll stay right where you are.

All right.

Now come on, action.

All right, ready?

Go!

[camera whirring]

- Old Harper House.

Built 1863.

- Oh no, no, no, no, no.

Let's get a little excitement into this.

Now Dennis, this is the oldest building

in town, a famous landmark.

Now come on, look excited!

- Dennis, pay attention to Mr. Wilson.

- What are you looking at?

- That truck.

The movie camera's on it. [engine roaring]

- Great Scott!

Wait! [shouts]

- Boy, Mr. Wilson sure knows how to look excited, doesn't he?

- Hey! [shouts]

- Hey!

- Wait!

- Hi, Miss Perkins!

- Hi.

- We're chasing my history assignment.

- Your history assignment?

- Yeah.

I gotta help catch it so you'll give me an A.

- Oh!

Thank goodness!

- Lucky thing he hit that stop sign or we never

would have caught up with him.

- Whoa, you got it!

Is Miss Perkins gonna be glad!

- [laughs]

- [sighs] Oh!

- Now I understand what Dennis meant

about catching his history assignment.

- Yes, they've been working on it all day.

- Well, I'm very proud of Dennis.

And of your husband too.

- Oh, that was a close one.

- Well, we made it.

You see, Miss Perkins, Mr. Wilson--

- I know.

Your wives have told me about Dennis' documentary film,

and I have a splendid idea.

At our regular PTA meeting Monday

night at school we'd love to have

you come and show your movie for us.

- My!

Well, that's quite an honor. [laughs] Dennis

and I accept with pleasure, don't we Dennis?

- Jeepers, that'd be keen!

- Well Mr. Wilson, are you sure they'll

be developed and ready by Monday night?

You know they don't work on Sunday.

- Now don't you worry, Mitchell.

I'll get it done if I have to pay double for it.

- Good.

We'll look forward to it.

- Isn't she swell?

Hey, why don't we have her in our movie too?

- Me?

Oh, I don't take a very good picture.

I uh-- - Aw, sure you do, Miss Perkins.

- I'm sure you must have more important things you

want to put on your film than me.

- Well, I did want to get some other--

- Uh, where shall I stand?

How's this pose?

- Um--

- Is it all right?

My hair all right?

- Fine.

- You look great, Miss Perkins.

You look like you're just getting

ready to mark me down a big fat A.

- There, now don't look in the lens.

That's fine.

- Say, here's a front page story in the Sunday paper.

- Oh?

Oh yes.

"The PTA has invited local dignitaries

to attend tomorrow night's showing."

Oh my, this is very gratifying.

- I should say.

- Our film will be ready, won't it Mr. Wilson?

You know I sure do want to get an A on my report.

- Don't you worry, Dennis.

Mr. Clark down at the camera shop

promised to deliver it tomorrow night at the meeting.

Now let's run over some of these captions we wrote.

- You mean this is the stuff I'm going to read?

- That's right.

Here's the opening one.

- "Our Fair City.

A motion picture presentation by Dennis Mitchell

and George Wilson."

- Well, credits and everything!

- I wanted to be professional.

- Professional!

Oh boy, I can hardly wait till tomorrow night!

You know, I'll be as famous as Yogi Bear I bet!

- [laughing]

- And now, as soon as I finish reading this final report,

the business portion of our meeting will be over.

Then we are going to see the world premiere of--

- Confound that Clark!

Where is he with that film?

I posted Dennis outside to show him where to come.

- Don't worry.

He'll show up.

- Well, he promised to have it here and show it for me at nine

o'clock sharp and it's nearly nine now.

- Relax, George.

I got a squad car standing by the camera store,

ready to rush him down here.

- Good, good.

Thanks a lot, Mooney.

- After all, uh, I got a leading role, you might say.

I wouldn't want anything to happen to that film.

- Yes, of course.

- Attendance at our last meeting was

27, a decrease from the previous month.

- Oh dear.

The mayor's in there and half the town's leading citizens.

If anything going wrong--

- It'll be fine, George.

It'll be fine.

I don't mean that jaywalking fine either.

- Oh, for pete's sake, Mooney.

I was counting on you to get me out of that.

Now if you're going to keep harping on that,

I'll just pay it and get it over with.

- Forget it, George.

Forget it.

We in the show biz gotta stick together.

Just forget it.

- Well, all right.

Let's not hear any more about it then.

DENNIS (OFFSCREEN): Hey Mr. Wilson!

It's here, Mr. Wilson!

The film's here!

- What'd I tell you, George?

- Thank heaven, Mr. Clark.

We're almost ready for the screening in there.

- I'll run the projector.

Now you just go sit down in there and take your bows.

- Oh [laughs].

- Come on, Mr. Wilson.

You can sit with me, right at the teacher's desk.

- No Dennis.

I'll sit in the audience.

This project is all yours from now on.

- And now, the young man whose project this is,

Master Dennis Mitchell, will read the commentary.

[applause]

- Lights, please?

- All set, Dennis?

- OK, let her go.

"Our Fair City.

A movie by Dennis Mitchell and George Wilson."

This is our park, where our people

go to rest and stroll quietly among the trees.

[laughter]

- New camera.

I had a little trouble with the speed.

- Our town is noted for its lovely women.

- Oh there, that's better.

DENNIS (OFFSCREEN): And here we see two typical pretty faces.

[laughter]

- I hope your camera work was better

when you got to my house, Wilson.

- Oh, I'm sure it was, yes.

- In the center of the park is the Charter Oak.

Under its branches, our city charter was signed.

- That's a nice shot, Mr. Wilson.

- Thank you, Mitchell.

- Near the Charter Oak, we see the prominent citizen

who is responsible for making this picture.

Mr. George Wilson.

[laughter]

- I never saw a better likeness!

- Good grief!

That shot should've come later.

- Our town has many fine public buildings.

Here's the City Hall and the public library.

Our city has many prominent people.

One of them is Mr. John Watterson,

president of the bank.

He is a solid citizen with his feel planted firmly

on the ground.

- Great Scott!

I must have had the camera upside down.

- Is that your idea of a joke, Wilson?

- No, it was a mistake.

I, I don't know how it happened.

- [laughs] Don't be a sore head, John.

You look better upside down anyhow.

- Just a minute, Mr. Clark.

Our city has many fine factories,

such as the one you see here.

- What was that?

- I don't know, honey.

Something's all mixed up.

- Dennis, you read the wrong card.

- That's what it says, Mr. Wilson.

It says--

- Never mind what it says.

Read the next one.

- Oh, leave him alone!

- He's all right.

- Leave him alone!

- These industries were brought to our town

through the brilliant efforts of our energetic chamber

of commerce.

And here are the members of the chamber

of commerce at their weekly luncheon.

[laughter]

- Oh no!

That's the stockyard!

- Those are the fellows that voted against me. [laughs]

- Dennis, that's enough.

The whole thing's ruined.

- No it isn't, Mr. Wilson.

Everybody thinks it's real funny.

- It's not supposed to be!

- Oh, relax Wilson.

This is a masterpiece! [laughs]

- Our city has many landmarks.

One of them is Windy Cave, famous throughout the state

for the constant flow of wind and hot air that

comes out of it night and day.

[laughter]

- Hot air!

How dare you?

Now Wilson, you did that deliberately!

- Don't be a sore head, Mayor. [laughs]

- Our city is very proud of its leading citizen,

Mayor Billings.

- Well, now that's better.

- And here's the mayor's home, a home

that no one deserves more than he does.

We hope he will spend the rest of his life

right here where he belongs.

- Well, of all the rude, insulting things!

- Aw Mayor!

What's the matter?

Can't you take a joke? [laughs]

- Next, we see one of our finest officers

of the law, Sergeant Harold Mooney,

and some fans outside the police station.

- Now comes the good part.

- You can see why criminals stay away from our town

when you look at Sergeant Mooney's strong, honest face.

[laughter]

- All right, Wilson, what kind of smart aleck picture is that?

- What's the matter, Mooney?

Can't you take a joke? [laughs]

- Sergeant Mooney is always so pompous.

I'm enjoying this.

- I don't think poor George is.

- Life in our town has its amusing side too.

Here we see one of the skinny old cats

that hang around the city dump.

- Stop that thing!

Turn it off this instant!

Mr. Wilson, I have been 15 years--

[arguing]

- But to be referred to as an old cat!

- I can understand why you're so upset, Miss Perkins.

But you must know that Dennis didn't do it on purpose.

- Right.

You're my favorite teacher!

- I'm the only teacher you have, Dennis.

- If I had more, you'd still be.

- My husband didn't mean to insult you.

It was just a mix up.

- Sometimes Mr. Wilson's camera went goofy.

And I got the cards mixed up.

- Well, it was an accident.

And you did have good intentions, Dennis.

- I sure did.

- I wouldn't want anyone to think I don't have a sense of humor,

so all is forgiven.

- That's very kind of you.

- But I warn you, Dennis.

There'll be trouble if you ever bring

me catnip instead of an apple.

[laughter]

- And so you can see the whole thing

was just an unfortunate error.

- He really wrote some very nice things about you gentlemen.

- Uh well, yes.

Uh, you know, between things going wrong

with the camera and Dennis getting the cards all mixed up,

uh well, you do understand, don't you Mr. Watterson?

- No, I don't!

MR. WILSON (OFFSCREEN): But Mr. Watterson--I oh.

Uh, you're not angry at me, are you, Your Honor?

- Well, I'm certainly not pleased!

MR. WILSON (OFFSCREEN): But Your Honor,

I-- oh, uh, you're not mad at me, are you, Mooney?

- Of course not, George.

I'm not mad.

- Well, thank goodness.

- However, there's that little matter

of the jaywalking ticket.

- What?

- At $5 a day for 12 days, that makes the penalty $60.

And if you don't have the money there by tomorrow morning,

I'm gonna lock you up!

MR. WILSON (OFFSCREEN): But Mooney!

Now you said--

- I don't care what I said!

- Hey Mr. Wilson!

I've got some good new for you!

Miss Perkins is gonna give me that A after all!

Aren't you happy?

- Happy?

[laughs, then cries] Oh, [inaudible].

[theme music]

ANNOUNCER (OFFSCREEN): This has been a Screen Gems film

production from the Hollywood studios of Columbia Pictures.