Original subtitles

[ Woman ] Previously on Defying Gravity.

- This is Rufus. - Jen, what are you doin'?

You know you're not supposed to keep those embryos past a couple of days.

- You're gonna just have to-- - I know. I know.

Do you have any-- I've had a vasectomy.

So you're pregnant. What are you gonna do?

Tell me about the risks with the pill. Give me odds.

One in a thousand women have difficulties.

You decide that you want to move forward, then you give me a call.

You ever think about a family?

Someday.

You know I want babies with you, don't you, Rol?

Plenty of time for that when you get back.

Evram.

[ Sighs ]

- [ Screaming ] - No!

- [ Grunting ] - Evram, you're okay.

Breathe. We'll just keep it between you and me then.

[ Evram ] You don't have to look, you know.

- I-I'm fine. Just do it. - It's nothing to be ashamed of.

A lot of people have trouble with blood.

Can we not make a big deal about it and just get it done?

All right, make a fist.

At home, going to a doctor can be a little scary.

But there are special challenges to medical care...

- in the microgravity of space. - Come on.

Oh, for instance, fluid handling can be very difficult.

Right, Dr. Mintz?

Can you explain this process to the fleet back on Earth?

It's just a routine blood test, Paula.

Needle in, needle out. Well, we all know...

there is nothing routine about space.

[ Sighs ]

Damn it. Missed. Mmm.

- Okay, Paula. Enough. - Yeah. Do they have you do this just to piss us off?

I'm the payload specialist. I'm the pilot of the Venus lander.

And I've also been chosen...

to document this voyage for classrooms across the world.

And it's my job, okay? All right.

Well, right now, your job and my job seem to be in conflict.

So why don't we try this another time?

- Fine. - Thank you.

Another time then.

[ Maddux Narrating ] Mintz once told me he couldn't remember...

a single person he saved when he was a surgeon.

He could recall cases, diseases, wounds--

Almost done.

but he forgot the people.

You can look now. When I asked him why, he said it was simple.

There are no lessons to learn from the ones you save.

No reason to remember.

Keep your hand there.

[ Beeps ] Lessons are taught by the ones you lose.

[ Maddux ] All right, listen up.

This is not a blow-off day. It's not a field trip.

- Welcome. - Sorry.

Traumatic injury and illness happens.

Happens here. Happens in space-- With one major difference.

Wassenfelder, what's the major difference?

- Um, it-- - That's what I thought.

- Wake up, genius. - What's the difference, Dr. Mintz?

On Earth you gate 911.

Whereas on Antares-- We only have each other to rely on.

And if you can't rely on each other--

What happens, Dr. Winkler?

- You die. - That's right. You die.

Dr. Winkler's obviously been hitting the doughnut cart lately.

[ Winkler ] Yeah, anything to keep the baby happy.

But at one time, she was a member of the illustrious Ostriches,

which means an ASCAN classmate of mine and a very, very, very good one.

She's running the E.R. here at Koop now,

and has agreed to be our chaperone for the day.

All right, I want you to form three groups in front of the doctors here--

Dr. Mintz, Dr. Winkler and Dr. Dereux.

Let's go. Fall in.

[ Chattering ]

You ASCAN'd with Donner, huh? Yeah.

- Yeah, and homeboy hurls at the sight of blood. - No kidding?

[ Chuckling ] Oh, yeah. Class of '42, baby.

The only question is, how long before he goes down?

Ah, I got 20 says he doesn't make it past lunch.

Yeah. He'll be lucky to make it to 11:00.

You in? [ Maddux ] All right. Take one. Pass it back.

[ Ted Chuckling ] Just one. Pass it back.

Here you go. Pass those back.

Take one. Pass it back.

[ Indistinct ]

[ Winkler ] Okay? All righty? Let's head out.

That wasn't too obvious. Think he saw?

No. You were smooth as silk. Course now, you're with Dr. Pregnant.

[ Claire ] So, I heard you did your residency in Tel Aviv?

Yeah. After the war. I was at Richardson in Montreal.

To be honest, I kinda miss it. I don't.

Okay. So we're gonna split you guys into groups...

and assign individual cases.

Uh-- Oh, Dr. Mintz,

why don't you and Donner take your group into this bay here?

It's a little lawn mower accident.

[ Man Groaning ]

- [ Groans ] - Mm-hmm.

I'm gonna go down to the lobby. Check for stragglers.

- Mm-hmm. Almost. - [ Chuckles ]

[ Beeping ]

[ Sighs ]

Coming down with something? Doctors don't get sick.

Uh-huh. Is that according to the sick doctor?

I consult with Claire. Oh, who's totally objective when it comes to you, huh?

She is a medical professional. Hey. Ev, don't play me.

All right? Took you six stabs to find a vein.

My back's been acting up since we left Earth orbit.

I've been getting strange reactions to the pain medication.

That causes the shakes? Among other things.

Trying to find the right dosage.

All right. Roger that.

[ Exhales Sharply ]

Mintz have a fever? I didn't see that on last night's 0-11.

Low grade. I just noted it, Mike.

Hey! He's back.

[ People ] Ajay! [ Man ] Nice to see you.

You look good.

Welcome home.

Thank you, Dr. Goss, for allowing my return to the floor.

Welcome back, Sharma. Everyone's very happy you've made a full recovery.

I'm humbled. Honored to be part of the family again.

Yeah, well, you just hold on to that humility when the press wants your story.

I was briefed by Eve Shaw. "No comment" is your default setting.

You copy that? Yes, sir. No comment at all.

[ Woman On P.A., Indistinct ]

[ Knocks ] Hey.

Hey. Do you have a few?

Could help me with something in the lab? Yeah. New experiment?

You could say that.

- Mysterious. - Mmm. Slash cute and fuzzy.

Close that hatch.

[ Beeps ]

Okay. This is all a little skulky.

We doing weird science? Mmm, nothing weird, but definitely skulky.

May I present...

Rufus.

Okay.

Yeah, not so cute...

or fuzzy. Give him time.

Aren't you supposed to destroy rabbit fetuses after 10 cell divisions?

Well, yes.

Today's his birthday, and I need your help. What?

Baking a cake? Giving him birth.

This is Mr. Gerwitz. Dislocated shoulder.

These are our astronauts. Hey.

[ Groans ] Here we go. Oh, I know.

Okay. So you were in Donner's class?

Yeah. Yeah, until I realized...

I'd make a better doc than a sky walker, and I dropped out.

[ Groans ] Oh, I'm sorry. I know it hurts.

Uh, lido patch, please.

You'll have these on Antares.

They're localized lidocaine anesthetic.

And they work... that fast.

It's excellent, huh?

Okay. We're gonna brace him.

Here you go.

Donner was my partner when I did my ASCAN rounds,

which meant I pretty much did them alone.

- Do tell. - Oh, well, you know about the blood thing.

No. Blood thing? You didn't see him run away out there? Ooh.

It's the only thing I've ever seen Donner wimp out on--

Which is what makes it so much fun. Everyone ready?

[ Groans ] [ Joint Pops ]

Excellent. Okay? Okay.

I gotta pee. Little bugger's crushing my bladder.

So-- People?

You know what? Don't let Dr. Mom there give you second thoughts.

It's too late for second thoughts.

It's done. I took the pill this morning. What?

Then, Zoe, you shouldn't be here.

I'll be home before the cramping starts, and tomorrow it'll be like it never happened.

Okay. Russell Zachary. High as a kite and under police investigation.

[ Slurring ] Girl, you can't have me arrested without a positive test.

You know that. I know that. So--

Yeah. Apparently this is a new designer drug moving down the coast.

Its, um, molecular structure is designed...

to basically disappear into your system.

- Untraceable? - Mmm.

- That's genius. - It's not genius. It's illegal.

Okay, so check his vitals every 15 until his blood work comes back.

You know, sometimes a trace shows up.

Wait. I mean, is that all we could do?

Yeah, Paula. Sometimes medicine can be dull.

Get over it.

[ Zachary ] She's so hot.

- Do you get high, miss? - Don't talk to me.

We are now 30 days into our voyage.

A little over a week and a half from insertion into Venusian orbit.

[ Giggling ] And I have the honor--

You said "insertion." [ Giggles ]

I have the honor of piloting the Venus lander.

- So I'm really starting to get excited. - Insertion makes her excited.

[ Giggling ]

This is an amazing adventure that I feel truly blessed to be a part of.

And you can be a part of it too.

All you have to do is tune in.

From Antares, I am Paula Morales.

Until tomorrow.

You are such a jerk.

Why? 'Cause I don't say a prayer every time we near a new planet...

or blow a kiss to Christ after every Form 24?

There's nothing wrong with living my religion.

Uh, you know, "Spectacles, testicles, wallet and watch.

Please, Father, forgive me"-- Lock it down, Wassenfelder.

You two, come on. I have a job for you.

[ Groans ]

[ Chuckling ]

Okay, go long. [ Blowing ]

Dragon's breath.

Nice hands.

You better say an end zone prayer now, Morales.

I'll say a prayer for the moron who threw the pass.

You know why he's making us do this, right? Yeah.

We work together, we form a friendship.

Commander Ted's sweat bonding.

"If you will love only those who love you,

what reward is there in that?" Sweat bonding through Jesus. That's the worst.

[ Chuckles ] No, Matthew 5:46.

Why do zealots never understand irony?

Paula!

Steven!

[ Groans ]

[ Patch Beeps ]

- [ Helicopter Passes Overhead ] - [ Screams ]

No! [ Groans ]

Zoe, mask. Seriously?

Just think of it as a sociological experiment.

Bonding with pets in space.

Why invest in something when you cannot keep it? That's not true.

I am gonna nurse this beauty all the way back to Earth.

Look at that.

This is the first real birth in space.

I mean, isn't it amazing?

Looks like a tiny, floating penis with teeth.

Hand me that aspirator.

What is the matter with you? What is the matter with me?

What if Mission Control finds out? I turned off the camera.

And Rollie knows.

Rollie knows. Rollie knows and he didn't say anything? Not yet.

It's against protocol, Jen. [ Sighs ] It's one rabbit, Zoe.

Relax.

- [ Alarm Blaring ] - [ Ted On P.A. ] We have a man down in storage bay.

Code 3. Code 3. God. Wonder who. Come on. You gotta go.

Gotta go, Jen. Yeah, I'll be there. I just gotta put him away.

Do we know who? Paula.

[ Groans ] Whoa!

It was an accident! The-The container pinned her and the hatch door came down!

She's got no thumb! She's got no thumb!

- Apply pressure, Steven! Press down hard! - She's got--

Flight, we've got a severed thumb and a-- Strong pumps.

and an additional, uh, abdominal injury. Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

That's it, Wass. [ Exhales ]

We gotta get her up to the natural grav quick.

She's losing a lot of blood. Does anybody have a 20 on Mintz?

- In his quarters. - Well, let's get him over to the med station.

Clear the floor of everyone but critical personnel.

And cut the press feed. Tell them we'll brief 'em on the half hour.

Ev, they need you now.

[ Beep ] Evram.

On my way.

You know, being an instructor, you could probably just go home.

Yeah? And give Winkler the satisfaction?

- I saw that bet go down. - Got a sprained ankle in Bay 4 I could put you on.

Yeah? You'd do that? My money's on you lasting the shift.

[ Chuckles ] Oh, heads up.

G.S.W. Intubated in the field. Pulse thready. B.P.'s dropping.

G.S.W.-- Haven't had one of those in a while.

- Gunshot wound. Bet they don't have a clue. - You're a combat medic, right?

Look, I want the sprained ankle, but if you don't think they can handle it,

we should ride along.

Let's go.

All right, come on. Bring her in.

Put her on the table.

Nice and easy.

Good, good. Set her down. Okay, grab her feet.

Nadia, you pull the stretcher out on three. One, two, three.

Everybody behind the curtain.

- You good? - I said behind the curtain.

[ Monitor Beeping ] I don't need you puking on my feet.

- Where the hell is Jen? - Zoe?

She, uh-- She had to close an experiment.

All right, I need another assist. Nadia.

Look at me. I can't. I'll go back and clean up the blood.

Donner, you're clean. Scrub and mask.

Huh? Scrub and mask.

You're not contaminated.

- Claire, how's she doing? - B.P.'s 80 over 50 and dropping.

Heart rate's 130 and spiking.

Copy that. We'll hold her blood pressure.

Zoe, two units O Negative on the rapid infuser.

How long has she been unconscious?

- Wassenfelder! - Uh, like-- Te-Ten minutes, tops.

Any brain trauma? Did she hit her head? Scan's not seeing any.

No. She-- She just fainted when she saw her thumb.

All right, I'm gonna take a look. Donner, scope.

I got it! No, too late. You stay outside the curtain.

Donner, let's go. Forceps and scissors.

[ Exhales ] I mean, it's, like, how can they not let you do drugs--

[ Wass ] Oh, man. in space?

Don't think I haven't thought about that a thousand times.

Oh, but they can't even tell, you know, man?

It's like it's untraceable. They wouldn't even know.

Would you stop? Uh-oh.

Here we go. Just stop.

You're a ridiculous poser without a clue.

I've watched too many of my friends-- In church?

My neighborhood back in Jersey City.

Anyway, just people I grew up with.

Starts out all fun and games until the inevitable O.D.,

the failed rehab and the pathetic downward spiral.

Is she always this much fun?

You have no idea, dude.

[ Evram ] Scope. Scope in.

[ Monitor Beeping ]

What-What about her thumb? Forget the thumb. Priorities.

- Okay, well, it's important to her. - We can regrow it.

Not in a week! She can't pilot a Venus lander without her thumb!

Step out, Wass. Hey, don't screw her over like this!

You go help Nadia vacuum up the blood in the pod bay.

Go!

I can't see anything. Donner, I need suction.

- Clear that up for me. - Yeah.

Uh, suction.

Coming in, um--

- Oh, wow. Oh, that's a lot of blood. - I can get it.

Okay. Here we go.

Is that better? Much.

Oh, damn. She's got a peritoneal bleed.

- Meaning what? - We got a bloodbath.

I need suction. Clear that out for me.

[ Man ] More suction, people. Come on. Where's my surgical consult?

He can't handle it. He's gonna lose her. Tell him.

Man, that's bloody. You need a visual, Doctor.

We have a visual. No, you got a camera in soup.

- You need to open up the wound. - I prefer to minimize the trauma.

- I prefer to save the patient. - Her B.P.'s still dropping. 70 over 40.

I can see that, Claire. Thank you.

[ Evram Sighs ] [ Jen ] Evram?

Well, I can't stop the bleed unless I find it.

What's going on here? More suction, Zoe.

Nothing.

[ Eve ] Are we gonna lose her?

She'll hold as long as we keep pumping blood.

Yeah, but they'll burn through their reserves.

They'll have an on-ship blood drive, Mike. They'll have time.

And if they exhaust the supply?

Ev will have the wound closed before then.

He'll have it closed. He will.

Maybe you should open it up, Ev. Find the bleed with your eyes.

You're a surgeon now, Donner? You gave that advice to somebody and it worked.

Right?

When is the last time you didn't use the fiber cam?

You need to use your hands, your eyes, inside.

Get him out of here before I call Security!

What's going on, Donner? Uh, I think somebody's gonna blow a gasket.

I don't know if it's Mintz or the kid. Dr. Mintz?

In wartime triage, we would've red-tagged this kid and saved him with a sewing kit.

This idiot has every technology known to man, and he's gonna kill him.

[ Rapid Beeping ] [ Nurse ] He's in free fall.

We're losing him. I'm going in.

All right.

My patient.

- Security! - His patient, Doctor. Give it to him.

7 blade. The scalpel with the 7 on it. Come on. Let's go.

Okay, retract and give me some suction.

Open her up, Ev.

- Ev. - [ Maddux ] Come on.

All right, let's open her up.

Gone.

7 blade.

[ Eve ] 7 blade.

Incising.

[ Rapid Beeping ]

- [ Eve ] Evram? - [ Scream Echoing ]

[ Maddux ] Mintz.

[ Ted ] Mintz, is there a problem? Mintz, what is going on?

[ Maddux ] Mintz? What are we doing, Ev?

[ Jen ] Evram, you have to incise. You're losing her.

Ev?

I don't want to lose her. Well, open her up, okay?

Forget the machines. Just use your eyes. Use your hands.

She's sliding, Ev. She's in free fall. Ev, I know you can do this.

- Damn it! Save her! - Scalpel!

Here we go.

Retractor.

Okay, retract and give me some suction.

Okay, suction here... and here.

And I still can't see.

[ Monitor Beeping ]

I-I can't see it.

- [ Evram ] Uh-- - I see it. There.

- I-I can't, Donner. I can't. - It's right there.

- [ Rapid Beeping ] - Find it with my hands.

Ah. Got it. Clamp.

- Ev, use your hands. - I can't see it, Donner.

It's right-- Oh, God. [ Groans ]

[ Beeping Stops ]

B.P.'s rising. He's coming back.

I think I got it. I got it. Help.

He's got it. Her B.P.'s rising.

All right, copy that. Let's clamp her, and we'll get to work.

- Who's your oldest trauma surgeon, Doctor? - Our chief. He's 75.

You may want to have him finish up.

You really have that much trouble with blood?

[ Gagging ]

That's pathetic.

[ Groans ] [ Body Thuds ]

[ Woman On P.A. ] Dr. Smith to Radiology.

Dr. Smith to Radiology.

That was amazing.

That's all I wanted to say. I-- I, uh--

I just--

I just, um--

Whatever.

Look. Can I buy you a drink after work?

Or something.

Or a drink.

Yeah.

Okay. Okay.

Well, that was an eventful morning.

It's not usually that exciting around here,

which is the way I prefer it.

Do you ever wonder what your life would've been like...

if you hadn't left the I.S.O.?

Well, I wanted to fly. I wanted to go to space.

But I made a choice.

No regrets?

Well, that's the blessing in having a choice, isn't it?

No regrets.

[ Moans ] Something wrong?

Cramps. That one was bad.

It's fine. Well, then get off your feet.

You know, take the rest of the shift off, Zoe.

We'll see you tomorrow. Really.

Thanks. Already?

No, it-- They won't get bad until tonight.

Just need a hot bath and bed.

I'll be fine. Zoe?

Told ya. Told me what?

You made the right decision. That's not exactly what I got from her.

But it doesn't matter. It's done.

Ahh.

Did anyone bet he'd make it past lunch? Mm-hmm. Mintz.

- Man's on a roll. - Well, you can't say he went easy on me though.

Mm-hmm. Mmm.

Uh, since he's already got your money, I think I'm gonna head out.

I've had enough for one day. Take care of that one, all right?

I'll try. [ Chuckling ]

God, he came so close. So close.

What, are you following me? [ Chuckles ]

I was gonna ask if you were avoiding me.

I saw you change groups earlier.

Oh.

Then I probably am. Yeah?

Yeah. You know, uh, we still got five years of training left.

And God forbid we're both on the same crew.

Yeah, I know, Donner. We have to work together.

Uh-huh. I'm just having a tough day.

They send you home? Yeah.

How come?

Cramps. Oh.

Right. Cramps. Mmm. Yeah.

Those are pretty bad, huh? Yeah.

I mean, I-- I hear.

You mind if we don't talk about me? I'd just rather not.

Yeah, sure.

So, are you following me?

[ Both Laugh ]

I, uh--

I got a blood thing.

Your blood thing. Wait a minute.

You know about my blood thing?

No. No.

No. Who won the pool? Mintz won the pool. I didn't puke.

Yeah, I would never figure you for a blood-fearing man.

Just a childhood thing, you know?

Started with bacon. Bacon?

Yeah. I used to eat a lot of bacon.

I had an uncle who was a farmer.

He was into the whole sustainable thing, and he cured his own meats.

Thought I oughta know where bacon came from.

So he said if I spent the summer up on the farm, I could have all the bacon I wanted.

It sounded pretty good to me. I was nine.

Anyway, he had this pig named Thomas.

It was kind of my job that summer to just take care of him...

and feed him and clean out his pen.

Basically be Thomas's best friend for the summer.

Pigs are really smart. I didn't know if you knew that-- [ Groans ]

What's going on? Huh? It's a--

It's what?

Donner? What's up?

I need a doctor-- now! [ Woman ] This way.

[ Woman On P.A. ] Dr. Allen to E.R. 1. Dr. Allen to E.R. 1.

Okay. Get her into a bay. Stat for an I.V. access, now.

Let's move. Okay, what happened? Was she hit?

She said she was cramping up, and then she just went down.

Cramping? Okay, don't worry. We'll take care of her. All right.

[ Chattering ]

[ Zachary ] She's so sexy. [ Wass ] Yeah, she is.

She's so sexy.

Um, there's no change. There's no change in his vitals either.

- See? It's untraceable, and it's good for you. - [ Chuckles ]

Okay. You two are done here.

How about you just take the girl, and my man can hang?

Say good-bye to the degenerate. I'll be outside.

Word up.

[ Ajay ] But I don't understand at all. [ Jen ] God, Zoe. Zoe?

Zoe.

- God, Zoe. - Get her on a monitor.

- [ Man ] Get me some scissors. I'll cut the pants off. - [ Woman ] All right.

Uh, Dr. Winkler. Uh, it's-- It's Zoe. She's--

She's having a miscarriage. She took an abortion pill this morning.

You have to-- You can't let the program know.

All I can promise is I'll try. Okay?

[ Man ] Got it? Doctor?

An abortion pill?

You can't tell anyone.

Please. You have to promise-- I would never betray Zoe.

Hey, Wass. Yo?

I just had to tell you one thing, man. Mmm?

Okay, come here. [ Exhales ]

When you do this stuff, man-- Mm-hmm.

you gotta make sure, okay?

You gotta make sure that you just--

You just got to, um--

You just--

[ Muttering, Grunting ]

[ Rapid Beeping ]

- [ Steady Beep ] - Paula? Doc! Doc!

He's coding! No.

No, no, that can't-- No, he was--

He was just-- He was just talking a second ago. He was blabbing.

[ Winkler ] 10 epi. Charging 200. He--

[ Defibrillator Charging ]

And clear!

- [ Groans ] - [ Defibrillator Charging ]

Again. Clear!

[ Steady Beep ]

What are you doing? The blood can clog our air filters.

It's crucial that we clean it up.

Yeah, well, opposable thumbs are kinda crucial when you pilot a lander.

She can grow it back.

Venus is in 12 days. Matrix regeneration takes, like, a month.

Steven, even if they reattach her thumb, she won't be ready.

We don't know that. Yes, we do.

You don't even like Paula.

That doesn't matter. If I was on that table, she wouldn't give up on me.

[ Steady Beep ]

I'm calling it.

What? Wait. No.

You-You can keep going for an hour without-- without brain damage.

No. I'm sorry, Paula. He's gone.

Come on.

Let's take a look at that thumb.

See, uh, matrix regeneration-- She should have a new one in a month.

- [ Eve ] She won't be able to pilot the Venus lander. - I think she'll understand.

[ Laughs ] You think? You think Paula's gonna be satisfied...

with her little classroom in space?

Well, that's why our good doctor's also a shrink.

All right. Let's cut a clean-edge wound on her hand.

- 11 blade. - [ Door Opens ]

Wait! Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait!

Don't touch it! Don't touch it! I found it! I found it!

Don't touch that nub! I found it!

[ Radio Chatter ]

So how long before she'll be able to use it?

With a good graft, regen and some time in the hyperbaric chamber,

she could be good in a week, two at the latest.

Still good for Venus? She has a real shot, yes.

I need to know exactly what was going on with Mintz.

That's what he said. He said he had back pain.

- He was upping his meds. - Paula almost died on that table.

- That's what he gave me, Ted. - That sure as hell wasn't back pain, Donner.

I don't know what you want me to tell you, Ted. I don't have anything else.

[ Sighs ] I do.

You remember that day we were having electrical problems?

I found Mintz in his lab on the floor.

Guess the strobing lights...

caused some kind of war flashback or something and--

I don't know what it was about,

but he was--

He was deeply affected. He was... shaking and--

- And you didn't tell me this because what? - Because he said it was rare.

Our lives depend on each other.

You are to tell me everything-- everything--

that could even possibly affect this mission or the other astronauts.

No exceptions. Do you understand me?

Do you understand me? Yes.

Yes, I do.

You know, its fur could clog a filter...

or cause an allergic reaction...

or send an infection airborne.

It won't happen, Zoe.

Free choice has consequences. I get that.

Then can you tell me why?

Got six years to keep my mind on Rollie and off Ted.

HALOs for that. HALOs kill libido.

They don't do a damn thing if you're lonely.

She'll be all right. They've stopped the bleeding.

So she's in Recovery. You see her?

You're not responsible for what happened to Zoe.

No, she said it was cramps. It was.

I just feel bad 'cause the whole time I'm telling her this dumb story,

and she must've been in a lot of pain.

Tell me the story.

Well, it was about a pig named Thomas...

that I used to take care of...

because my uncle thought that if you were gonna eat the bacon,

you oughta get to know the pig.

I never thought old Thomas could hold that much blood.

[ Chattering ] ** [ Slow Rock On Speakers ]

It must be really exhilarating saving someone...

that way.

I'll forget him after my next drink.

I don't believe that.

How can you forget someone whose life you just saved?

You did your residency at Richardson, right?

And then five years on teaching staff at Johns Hopkins.

So I'm guessing 10 patients a day.

Weekends off.

That's pretty much it, yeah.

My first tour, I saw 3,500 patients in 90 days.

I remember procedures, not people.

Out of those 3,500 people, you don't remember one single person?

I remember a schoolgirl in a bombed-out building during the war.

Did you save her?

I was the one that called in the strike.

We were moving into Ramallah under heavy fire.

I was with a forward platoon...

and spotted what I thought was gunfire...

coming from the schoolhouse.

Even as medics, we're-- we're soldiers first.

You understand? Yes, of course.

I called artillery, gave them the coordinates,

and within minutes the school was shelled.

Was on fire. Roof caved in.

And we advanced. To the school?

To the school.

I heard crying coming from inside,

so I crawled under the rubble.

And it was a school.

It was just a school.

Nothing but children.

That's when I saw her.

[ No Audio ]

She was reaching out to me.

She was calling for me.

Another shell exploded on top of us before I could get to her.

That's the scar on your back?

And that's who you saw on the table? The schoolgirl?

I'm a doctor. I'm a psychiatrist.

Whatever this was,

it wasn't pain medication... or withdrawal from alcohol.

This was a full-blown hallucination.

[ Door Beeps ]

Did you get it all?

I think most of it.

I'm, uh--

I'm so sorry I put all you guys through this.

Paula-- Paula and I--

You need to stop blaming yourself.

I was the one moving too fast. She wasn't ready to catch it.

Did you make the hatch door close?

That's not the point.

Point is I can be a complete idiot.

[ Chuckles ] Yes, you can.

Over and over I ask myself why they chose you for this crew.

You're clumsy, you eat too much...

- and you behave like a 12-year-old boy. - See?

- But you know what? - What?

Every once in a while you find a thumb.

[ Chuckles ]

[ Woman On P.A., Indistinct ]

You had an emergency hysterectomy, Zoe.

I'm sorry.

Am I out of the program?

No.

You had an ovarian cyst. It burst.

Our scans didn't detect it.

A burst cyst? That's what we're saying.

Understand?

[ Whispering ] Yes.

Thank you.

You could've come to me, Zoe.

I would've been able to do something.

** [ Piano: Ballad Intro ]

[ Maddux Narrating ] We never remember the ones we save.

And we never forget the ones we fail.

It's about taking responsibility for our choices.

About learning from sacrifice.

[ Man ] * Where the doors *

* Are moaning all day long *

* Where the stairs *

* Are leaning *

It's those hard lessons that shape us...

and how we respond-- where we go in our lives.

* Where the windows *

* Are breathing in the light *

* Where the rooms are *

* A collection of our lives *

* This is a place where I *

I don't think there's ever been a man or a woman without some kind of regret.

And that's probably a good thing--

* This is a place *

because it's our failures more than our successes...

that make us who we are.

Mmm. Ahh.