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1
00:00:18,374 --> 00:00:20,624
(sizzling)
2
00:00:31,249 --> 00:00:32,840
Hey, you know half these
cars coming through the gate,
3
00:00:32,840 --> 00:00:33,983
they're not even real.
4
00:00:34,850 --> 00:00:36,400
[Lawrence] What?
5
00:00:36,400 --> 00:00:39,130
They're crisis actors,
hired by George Soros
6
00:00:39,130 --> 00:00:41,640
to infiltrate the US military.
7
00:00:41,640 --> 00:00:43,730
There's no crisis on post.
8
00:00:43,730 --> 00:00:44,580
[Sergeant] Yet.
9
00:00:45,480 --> 00:00:47,870
Quit playing with it
like it's your dick, guy.
10
00:00:47,870 --> 00:00:48,810
Hey, fellas.
11
00:00:48,810 --> 00:00:50,880
I've been watching you
for the past couple hours,
12
00:00:50,880 --> 00:00:51,940
and guess what?
13
00:00:51,940 --> 00:00:54,000
Three cars have gone through the gate,
14
00:00:54,000 --> 00:00:56,623
and not one of them had an ID checked.
15
00:00:57,690 --> 00:01:01,300
Well, that first guy, he is a soldier,
16
00:01:01,300 --> 00:01:03,480
he just forgot his ID.
17
00:01:03,480 --> 00:01:04,680
Oh, my god!
18
00:01:04,680 --> 00:01:05,890
He was a soldier!?
19
00:01:05,890 --> 00:01:08,510
I forgot you could buy
this online for $20.
20
00:01:08,510 --> 00:01:09,540
Come on, man.
21
00:01:09,540 --> 00:01:11,990
The second one was some hot blonde.
22
00:01:11,990 --> 00:01:13,630
She was late for a Tinder date.
23
00:01:13,630 --> 00:01:14,463
Sweet.
24
00:01:14,463 --> 00:01:15,296
So she's gonna spread her legs
25
00:01:15,296 --> 00:01:17,530
and spread her gonaherpesiphilaids
all over the place.
26
00:01:17,530 --> 00:01:18,550
Perfect. Wonderful.
27
00:01:18,550 --> 00:01:19,383
Great.
28
00:01:19,383 --> 00:01:22,740
The other one was a
fast food delivery guy.
29
00:01:22,740 --> 00:01:25,320
He was delivering pizzas to other--
30
00:01:25,320 --> 00:01:27,863
Your gluttony gives you away, my friend.
31
00:01:30,111 --> 00:01:32,940
(sighs)
32
00:01:32,940 --> 00:01:34,140
We're gonna play a game,
33
00:01:35,180 --> 00:01:38,550
because it's officially
do what I wanna do day,
34
00:01:38,550 --> 00:01:40,710
and I'm gonna do what I wanna do,
35
00:01:40,710 --> 00:01:44,133
'cause I get to do whatever
the fuck I get to do.
36
00:01:45,620 --> 00:01:48,147
I'm watching you!
37
00:01:49,968 --> 00:01:52,260
Guy's gonna give himself a heart attack.
38
00:01:52,260 --> 00:01:54,043
Anyways, how the fuck
did he know we were here?
39
00:01:54,043 --> 00:01:56,490
There's no cameras around here.
40
00:01:56,490 --> 00:01:58,960
There's one literally right up--
41
00:01:58,960 --> 00:02:00,670
Fuck-fuck games, Lawrence.
42
00:02:00,670 --> 00:02:02,923
He's playing fuck-fuck games.
43
00:02:08,586 --> 00:02:11,003
(funk music)
44
00:03:01,100 --> 00:03:02,410
Good afternoon, ma'am.
45
00:03:02,410 --> 00:03:03,650
Soldier.
46
00:03:03,650 --> 00:03:05,573
License and registration, please.
47
00:03:06,720 --> 00:03:07,553
All right.
48
00:03:07,553 --> 00:03:09,530
I got license, and give me one minute.
49
00:03:09,530 --> 00:03:10,510
I'll find that registration
50
00:03:10,510 --> 00:03:11,710
for you.
- Good picture.
51
00:03:11,710 --> 00:03:12,833
And the registration.
52
00:03:16,440 --> 00:03:17,420
All right, I can't find it.
53
00:03:17,420 --> 00:03:18,260
I do have it.
54
00:03:18,260 --> 00:03:19,610
I have to get to my flight.
55
00:03:21,600 --> 00:03:22,433
Base policy, ma'am.
56
00:03:22,433 --> 00:03:24,230
I do need that registration,
and the only way
57
00:03:24,230 --> 00:03:26,350
you can get through that gate is
58
00:03:26,350 --> 00:03:29,800
for me to ask you a few questions,
like where you're going.
59
00:03:29,800 --> 00:03:30,720
Okay.
60
00:03:30,720 --> 00:03:32,410
That seems fairly atypical.
61
00:03:32,410 --> 00:03:34,323
It's kind of none of your business.
62
00:03:35,300 --> 00:03:36,620
Really?
63
00:03:36,620 --> 00:03:37,453
Base policy, ma'am.
64
00:03:37,453 --> 00:03:38,730
I didn't make it up.
65
00:03:38,730 --> 00:03:40,010
We have this little thing we have to do.
66
00:03:40,010 --> 00:03:42,240
It's a new guideline called 20 questions,
67
00:03:42,240 --> 00:03:43,630
so I'm gonna have to run through those,
68
00:03:43,630 --> 00:03:45,037
very briefly, of course.
69
00:03:45,037 --> 00:03:46,378
Okay, so I have this new guideline,
70
00:03:46,378 --> 00:03:50,580
like I have to get the plane
off the ground at 0900 hours.
71
00:03:50,580 --> 00:03:51,413
- We'll get you there, ma'am.
- This is crazy.
72
00:03:51,413 --> 00:03:52,246
I promise.
73
00:03:52,246 --> 00:03:53,610
If you can just bear with me here.
74
00:03:53,610 --> 00:03:56,270
Where are you going again?
75
00:03:56,270 --> 00:03:58,640
Again, I'm gonna have to
say none of your business.
76
00:03:58,640 --> 00:03:59,720
Okay, okay.
77
00:03:59,720 --> 00:04:00,990
Swing and a miss on that one.
78
00:04:00,990 --> 00:04:01,823
[Woman] Personal policy.
79
00:04:01,823 --> 00:04:03,000
I got you, I got you.
80
00:04:03,000 --> 00:04:06,963
What about, what is your job, again?
81
00:04:08,720 --> 00:04:11,000
So I really, I would love to sit
82
00:04:11,000 --> 00:04:13,410
here and lightly flirt with
you for the next 45 minutes,
83
00:04:13,410 --> 00:04:15,620
but I really do have to get to my flight.
84
00:04:15,620 --> 00:04:18,340
Ma'am, I assure you, I am
purely professional, here.
85
00:04:18,340 --> 00:04:21,070
This is mandated from the base JAG,
86
00:04:21,070 --> 00:04:22,980
that I have to go through
this in order to get
87
00:04:22,980 --> 00:04:25,530
you through the security
that you need to go through.
88
00:04:25,530 --> 00:04:27,290
So I'm gonna ask you a
third question, pets?
89
00:04:27,290 --> 00:04:29,613
You got any pets, dogs, cats, goldfish?
90
00:04:31,670 --> 00:04:32,503
Still, no.
91
00:04:32,503 --> 00:04:33,780
It feels like we're moving even further
92
00:04:33,780 --> 00:04:35,220
from what actually needs to happen,
93
00:04:35,220 --> 00:04:36,440
which is getting through the gate.
94
00:04:36,440 --> 00:04:37,273
Yeah.
95
00:04:37,273 --> 00:04:38,550
Yeah, no, I mean, I understand
96
00:04:38,550 --> 00:04:40,400
how it seems that way, but again,
97
00:04:40,400 --> 00:04:41,750
just following orders here.
98
00:04:43,310 --> 00:04:45,160
I see you're not married.
99
00:04:45,160 --> 00:04:46,600
Boyfriend, anything like that.
100
00:04:46,600 --> 00:04:49,110
Okay, so again, really inappropriate.
101
00:04:49,110 --> 00:04:50,780
Inappropriate question.
102
00:04:50,780 --> 00:04:51,850
Sort of totally out
103
00:04:51,850 --> 00:04:52,683
of line, here.
- Ma'am, again,
104
00:04:52,683 --> 00:04:54,590
you can ask the JAG
later, once you go through
105
00:04:54,590 --> 00:04:56,180
his chain of command, to get to him,
106
00:04:56,180 --> 00:04:59,320
but he can, I assure you,
this is normal procedure.
107
00:04:59,320 --> 00:05:01,580
I don't wanna inconvenience
you, of course,
108
00:05:01,580 --> 00:05:03,090
but I have to do this, and I hope
109
00:05:03,090 --> 00:05:05,270
you understand, a lowly, humble sergeant
110
00:05:05,270 --> 00:05:07,514
like me, I'm just following orders.
111
00:05:07,514 --> 00:05:09,320
Okay (stammers).
112
00:05:09,320 --> 00:05:10,800
- Question number five.
- I'm sorry.
113
00:05:10,800 --> 00:05:13,200
Have you ever hear the
song Mambo Number Five?
114
00:05:15,030 --> 00:05:16,220
Where is that even coming from?
115
00:05:16,220 --> 00:05:18,200
How did that spring into
your brain right now?
116
00:05:18,200 --> 00:05:20,300
Lou Bega happens to be a personal friend
117
00:05:20,300 --> 00:05:23,300
of the base general, so that
somehow made it in there.
118
00:05:23,300 --> 00:05:24,310
I don't know.
119
00:05:24,310 --> 00:05:25,563
I don't make the rules.
120
00:05:27,470 --> 00:05:29,593
Question number six, pick up sticks.
121
00:05:31,820 --> 00:05:32,670
Can I just ask you a quick question.
122
00:05:32,670 --> 00:05:33,507
Yes, ma'am, you're free
to ask questions to me.
123
00:05:33,507 --> 00:05:34,720
[Woman] Oh, so I can ask
you any questions that I want?
124
00:05:34,720 --> 00:05:36,090
Any question you'd like.
125
00:05:36,090 --> 00:05:37,190
Yes, ma'am.
- What would you say
126
00:05:37,190 --> 00:05:39,120
your average intelligence is?
127
00:05:39,120 --> 00:05:40,320
Me?
128
00:05:40,320 --> 00:05:41,810
I was homeschooled, so I never
129
00:05:41,810 --> 00:05:44,470
actually got a formal IQ test, per se.
130
00:05:44,470 --> 00:05:45,303
Shocking.
131
00:05:45,303 --> 00:05:47,460
So I can tell, and I would like it
132
00:05:47,460 --> 00:05:49,320
if you let me through the gate.
133
00:05:49,320 --> 00:05:50,180
Ma'am, can't do that.
134
00:05:50,180 --> 00:05:52,770
We still have 13 more questions to go.
135
00:05:52,770 --> 00:05:54,200
I understand this is hard for you,
136
00:05:54,200 --> 00:05:56,600
you know, thinking, expending brain cells.
137
00:05:56,600 --> 00:05:58,640
You're what, at best a three?
138
00:05:58,640 --> 00:06:00,450
I'm easily a nine.
139
00:06:00,450 --> 00:06:02,270
You're like a three, granted,
140
00:06:02,270 --> 00:06:04,010
I'll give you a Bakersfield five.
141
00:06:04,010 --> 00:06:05,630
Okay, maybe you're a Riverside five,
142
00:06:05,630 --> 00:06:07,280
but I really need to
get through this gate,
143
00:06:07,280 --> 00:06:08,960
and I need you to stop cock-blocking
144
00:06:08,960 --> 00:06:10,360
me getting through the gate.
145
00:06:11,456 --> 00:06:13,740
Ooh, you know how to cut deep, ma'am.
146
00:06:13,740 --> 00:06:15,580
I don't know if this is personal for you,
147
00:06:15,580 --> 00:06:17,900
or if this is a normal,
professional ass-chewing,
148
00:06:17,900 --> 00:06:20,244
or flirting back with me.
149
00:06:20,244 --> 00:06:21,077
I don't know.
150
00:06:21,077 --> 00:06:21,910
Are you into that?
151
00:06:21,910 --> 00:06:23,840
Are you into ass-chewing?
152
00:06:23,840 --> 00:06:25,170
Is this what's happening right now,
153
00:06:25,170 --> 00:06:27,310
some kind of weird sado-masochism thing,
154
00:06:27,310 --> 00:06:28,820
where you're getting off on this?
155
00:06:28,820 --> 00:06:33,490
Is this gate your own personal
sexual gratification zone,
156
00:06:33,490 --> 00:06:35,290
where you go over there, get on there,
157
00:06:35,290 --> 00:06:36,840
rub your taint all up in it,
158
00:06:36,840 --> 00:06:39,633
until you're done getting off for the day?
159
00:06:40,550 --> 00:06:41,410
Is he the smart one?
160
00:06:41,410 --> 00:06:42,350
Should I talk to him?
161
00:06:42,350 --> 00:06:43,900
Excuse me!
162
00:06:43,900 --> 00:06:44,733
Okay, I'm sorry.
163
00:06:44,733 --> 00:06:47,290
Look, obviously you're the smart one here,
164
00:06:47,290 --> 00:06:48,630
despite how you're holding your gun.
165
00:06:48,630 --> 00:06:51,170
Is there any way that you
could let me through this gate.
166
00:06:51,170 --> 00:06:52,550
Yeah, just get the registration ma'am.
167
00:06:52,550 --> 00:06:53,480
I'm sorry.
168
00:06:53,480 --> 00:06:54,313
That's all.
169
00:06:54,313 --> 00:06:55,430
These questions are...
170
00:06:57,770 --> 00:06:59,410
Is that it, right there?
171
00:06:59,410 --> 00:07:00,243
Ah-ha!
172
00:07:02,210 --> 00:07:03,150
No touching.
173
00:07:03,150 --> 00:07:03,983
[Sergeant] May I, ma'am?
174
00:07:03,983 --> 00:07:05,170
Look, don't touch.
175
00:07:05,170 --> 00:07:06,400
I have to.
176
00:07:06,400 --> 00:07:07,720
[Woman] Look, don't touch.
177
00:07:07,720 --> 00:07:08,890
I've heard that plenty of times,
178
00:07:08,890 --> 00:07:09,723
but--
- I'm sure.
179
00:07:09,723 --> 00:07:11,020
Oh, I believe it.
180
00:07:11,020 --> 00:07:11,870
I don't know what you're thinking,
181
00:07:11,870 --> 00:07:14,390
but in this situation, I have to touch.
182
00:07:14,390 --> 00:07:15,610
Okay, well, I'm gonna
keep holding onto it.
183
00:07:15,610 --> 00:07:16,533
I have to touch.
184
00:07:19,300 --> 00:07:20,360
May I?
185
00:07:20,360 --> 00:07:21,410
- Yeah, this is fine.
- This part right here?
186
00:07:21,410 --> 00:07:22,551
This is good.
187
00:07:22,551 --> 00:07:24,384
- Okay.
- This is good.
188
00:07:26,750 --> 00:07:27,972
Okay, everything looks good.
189
00:07:27,972 --> 00:07:29,240
- Thank you.
- I have one more question.
190
00:07:29,240 --> 00:07:30,073
Thank you.
191
00:07:30,073 --> 00:07:31,140
Your boyfriend, what's his situation?
192
00:07:31,140 --> 00:07:35,560
Is he an MMA fighter, or you
probably like softer guys,
193
00:07:35,560 --> 00:07:37,160
'cause you like being in charge?
194
00:07:38,050 --> 00:07:39,870
I will come back here and cut your dick
195
00:07:39,870 --> 00:07:41,980
off if you don't let me through this gate.
196
00:07:41,980 --> 00:07:43,810
Ma'am, I've metaphorically had
197
00:07:43,810 --> 00:07:45,590
my dick cut off plenty of times already.
198
00:07:45,590 --> 00:07:48,170
There is no more dick to cut off.
199
00:07:48,170 --> 00:07:50,155
Registration, license.
200
00:07:50,155 --> 00:07:50,988
All right, lemme just make sure
201
00:07:50,988 --> 00:07:51,943
this is up-to-date real quick.
202
00:07:53,600 --> 00:07:54,700
Yeah, it's up-to-date.
203
00:07:58,010 --> 00:08:00,080
You have a wonderful day, ma'am.
204
00:08:00,080 --> 00:08:01,240
Thank you so much.
205
00:08:01,240 --> 00:08:02,822
What a pleasure.
206
00:08:02,822 --> 00:08:04,170
(smacks)
207
00:08:04,170 --> 00:08:05,123
Lots of pleasure.
208
00:08:06,760 --> 00:08:07,790
You see that?
209
00:08:07,790 --> 00:08:09,480
She made a kissing face at me.
210
00:08:09,480 --> 00:08:11,476
[Lawrence] I don't think it was real.
211
00:08:11,476 --> 00:08:13,893
(funk music)
212
00:08:17,753 --> 00:08:19,710
(chuckles)
213
00:08:19,710 --> 00:08:20,543
[Man] What's up?
214
00:08:20,543 --> 00:08:21,728
Hey, what's up, brother?
215
00:08:21,728 --> 00:08:23,320
- Hey, what's going on?
- How you doing, man?
216
00:08:23,320 --> 00:08:24,829
I just gotta check your ID.
217
00:08:24,829 --> 00:08:25,662
(sighs) Shit, man.
218
00:08:25,662 --> 00:08:27,260
I don't have it today.
219
00:08:27,260 --> 00:08:28,333
I fucking forgot it.
220
00:08:29,300 --> 00:08:30,818
I forgot that I give a shit, so--
221
00:08:30,818 --> 00:08:31,700
(laughs) Well, hey, man.
222
00:08:31,700 --> 00:08:33,000
I got this apple (laughs).
223
00:08:34,040 --> 00:08:35,160
I don't give a shit, man.
224
00:08:35,160 --> 00:08:36,106
You're more than welcome to go through.
225
00:08:36,106 --> 00:08:37,310
(claps) Fuck yeah, dude, man, thank you.
226
00:08:37,310 --> 00:08:39,110
I haven't seen you on the
message boards lately, though.
227
00:08:39,110 --> 00:08:39,943
Where you been?
228
00:08:39,943 --> 00:08:41,680
Man, I should've told you, man.
229
00:08:41,680 --> 00:08:45,860
I was at this fucking three-week
symposium about flat Earth.
230
00:08:45,860 --> 00:08:46,693
- No!
- I don't know what the fuck
231
00:08:46,693 --> 00:08:50,090
a symposium is, man, but flat
Earth, that shit is real, man.
232
00:08:50,090 --> 00:08:51,950
We're, look, there's no way you can tell
233
00:08:51,950 --> 00:08:53,470
me that these fucking globe-heads
234
00:08:53,470 --> 00:08:57,290
who think we're on a sphere,
that shit's going around us.
235
00:08:57,290 --> 00:08:58,123
That's not true, man.
236
00:08:58,123 --> 00:08:59,330
We're a flat thing.
237
00:08:59,330 --> 00:09:01,820
Soros-funded fucking morons.
238
00:09:01,820 --> 00:09:02,820
Yeah, man.
239
00:09:02,820 --> 00:09:03,980
Fucking Soros, with their.
240
00:09:03,980 --> 00:09:05,870
Look, NASA, dude, am I telling it right?
241
00:09:05,870 --> 00:09:06,960
You know what that stands for, right?
242
00:09:06,960 --> 00:09:07,793
Yeah.
243
00:09:07,793 --> 00:09:09,610
Never a straight answer.
244
00:09:09,610 --> 00:09:11,400
Fucking, fucking Soros.
245
00:09:11,400 --> 00:09:12,233
Hey, it's, man.
246
00:09:12,233 --> 00:09:14,300
- Shit, man.
- These goddam globalists.
247
00:09:14,300 --> 00:09:15,490
These goddam motherfuckers trying
248
00:09:15,490 --> 00:09:17,680
to hold us down, stop us from the truth.
249
00:09:17,680 --> 00:09:18,513
Yeah, man.
250
00:09:18,513 --> 00:09:19,346
They're not gonna stop us.
251
00:09:19,346 --> 00:09:20,730
They step on us, like,
once we can't breathe man,
252
00:09:20,730 --> 00:09:21,750
but we gotta fight back.
253
00:09:21,750 --> 00:09:23,740
The internet kingdom is unstoppable.
254
00:09:23,740 --> 00:09:25,360
If we could be the kings of that.
255
00:09:25,360 --> 00:09:26,650
We just gotta find the right place, man,
256
00:09:26,650 --> 00:09:29,480
like the right forum to
just get our ideas across.
257
00:09:29,480 --> 00:09:31,035
Well, are you at least
coming to the next convention?
258
00:09:31,035 --> 00:09:31,868
Fuck yeah, dude.
259
00:09:31,868 --> 00:09:32,701
Of course I am.
260
00:09:32,701 --> 00:09:33,534
- Okay, good, man.
- Already got my ticket.
261
00:09:33,534 --> 00:09:34,367
Akron, Ohio, man.
262
00:09:34,367 --> 00:09:36,240
I cannot wait to party with
you in Akron, Ohio, brother.
263
00:09:36,240 --> 00:09:37,450
Fuck yeah, man.
264
00:09:37,450 --> 00:09:38,283
Fuck, man.
265
00:09:38,283 --> 00:09:39,494
Call it Jackron, Ohio, what
I'm talking about, right?
266
00:09:39,494 --> 00:09:41,750
(laughing)
267
00:09:41,750 --> 00:09:44,270
Dude, look, I need you to
get back on the forums, man.
268
00:09:44,270 --> 00:09:46,260
There is a secret group.
269
00:09:46,260 --> 00:09:47,560
What?
270
00:09:47,560 --> 00:09:48,750
Tell me more.
271
00:09:48,750 --> 00:09:49,583
We're gonna take him down.
272
00:09:49,583 --> 00:09:50,470
We're gonna take down Soros.
273
00:09:50,470 --> 00:09:51,330
How do I get in?
274
00:09:51,330 --> 00:09:52,380
I'm in.
- It's just four tiers.
275
00:09:52,380 --> 00:09:54,320
I just have to get you
into the first tier,
276
00:09:54,320 --> 00:09:55,490
and work your way through it, and then
277
00:09:55,490 --> 00:09:57,390
you're gonna get to the ultimate logic,
278
00:09:57,390 --> 00:09:59,750
and the ultimate logic means that's
279
00:09:59,750 --> 00:10:00,760
when we're gonna power through, man.
280
00:10:00,760 --> 00:10:01,980
That's when we're gonna attack.
281
00:10:01,980 --> 00:10:03,284
We're gonna take him down.
282
00:10:03,284 --> 00:10:04,560
Fuck yeah, dude.
283
00:10:04,560 --> 00:10:06,000
Fucking Soros is gonna get a bore-os.
284
00:10:06,000 --> 00:10:07,340
I'll tell you that right now.
285
00:10:07,340 --> 00:10:08,210
I allowed you into the group.
286
00:10:08,210 --> 00:10:09,320
You still flatboy69?
287
00:10:09,320 --> 00:10:10,410
Yeah, that's, of course, dude.
288
00:10:10,410 --> 00:10:11,243
Come on, man.
289
00:10:11,243 --> 00:10:12,540
- Fuck yeah.
- Yeah, dude.
290
00:10:12,540 --> 00:10:13,373
Strong, and--
- Now, listen, man.
291
00:10:13,373 --> 00:10:15,160
I'm gonna pop that gate open for you.
292
00:10:15,160 --> 00:10:16,180
Slip on through.
293
00:10:16,180 --> 00:10:17,573
Yeah, thanks, brother.
294
00:10:19,210 --> 00:10:20,043
(smacks)
295
00:10:20,043 --> 00:10:22,460
(funk music)
296
00:10:31,146 --> 00:10:33,563
How you doing today, ma'am?
297
00:10:35,830 --> 00:10:38,073
Lawrence, can I get you
over here real quick?
298
00:10:38,920 --> 00:10:42,230
Ma'am, is that an open
40 in between your legs?
299
00:10:42,230 --> 00:10:44,130
Yeah, it is.
300
00:10:44,130 --> 00:10:45,810
Have you been consuming it?
301
00:10:45,810 --> 00:10:48,180
No, I haven't, dipshit.
302
00:10:48,180 --> 00:10:49,560
I'm nine months pregnant.
303
00:10:49,560 --> 00:10:50,493
I'm not an idiot.
304
00:10:51,570 --> 00:10:53,570
Ma'am, can I have you shut off the car
305
00:10:53,570 --> 00:10:54,793
and step out real quick?
306
00:10:55,841 --> 00:10:58,340
(sighs)
307
00:10:58,340 --> 00:10:59,740
God.
308
00:10:59,740 --> 00:11:01,240
If this ain't some horse shit.
309
00:11:04,920 --> 00:11:05,753
What?
310
00:11:06,880 --> 00:11:07,770
Ma'am, I'm gonna have to give
311
00:11:07,770 --> 00:11:09,630
you a basic field sobriety test.
312
00:11:09,630 --> 00:11:10,780
Are you okay with that?
313
00:11:11,650 --> 00:11:12,870
I've done a few in my day.
314
00:11:12,870 --> 00:11:13,857
I know what I'm doing.
315
00:11:13,857 --> 00:11:15,648
I'm sure you have.
316
00:11:15,648 --> 00:11:17,193
(clears throat) Lawrence.
317
00:11:18,670 --> 00:11:20,720
Ma'am, if you could just
place your hands on the hood.
318
00:11:20,720 --> 00:11:22,310
I'm just gonna give you a pat-down
319
00:11:22,310 --> 00:11:23,668
for your safety and my safety.
320
00:11:23,668 --> 00:11:24,970
Okay (chuckles).
321
00:11:24,970 --> 00:11:26,860
Don't touch my titties.
322
00:11:26,860 --> 00:11:28,020
Absolutely not, ma'am.
323
00:11:28,020 --> 00:11:29,921
I'm a professional.
- Okay.
324
00:11:29,921 --> 00:11:31,050
(shouts in surprise)
325
00:11:31,050 --> 00:11:31,883
What the hell was that?
326
00:11:31,883 --> 00:11:32,973
It was the baby.
327
00:11:33,890 --> 00:11:34,830
It's kicking.
328
00:11:34,830 --> 00:11:35,800
That was no baby.
329
00:11:35,800 --> 00:11:37,464
That was punching at me.
330
00:11:37,464 --> 00:11:38,664
(laughs)
331
00:11:38,664 --> 00:11:39,497
There you go.
332
00:11:39,497 --> 00:11:40,330
Get him.
333
00:11:42,950 --> 00:11:44,570
Get this done, okay?
334
00:11:44,570 --> 00:11:46,680
I've got shit to do.
- God!
335
00:11:46,680 --> 00:11:48,180
Dammit, what alien is in there?
336
00:11:48,180 --> 00:11:51,850
Hey, I think it's just a baby, sergeant.
337
00:11:51,850 --> 00:11:52,683
Thank you.
338
00:11:52,683 --> 00:11:53,516
It's a baby.
339
00:11:53,516 --> 00:11:55,050
God, he's stupid.
340
00:11:55,050 --> 00:11:56,650
Ma'am, I am gonna need you to put
341
00:11:56,650 --> 00:11:57,854
your hips back, right now.
342
00:11:57,854 --> 00:11:59,410
Damn!
343
00:11:59,410 --> 00:12:00,243
Can I ask you a question?
344
00:12:00,243 --> 00:12:02,190
Why are you coming onto base right now?
345
00:12:02,190 --> 00:12:03,500
I'm glad you asked.
346
00:12:03,500 --> 00:12:05,147
I'm on my way to shoot a porno, okay?
347
00:12:05,147 --> 00:12:06,560
And it's my first one.
348
00:12:06,560 --> 00:12:07,940
I'm excited about it.
349
00:12:07,940 --> 00:12:10,150
I'd like to hop to it.
350
00:12:10,150 --> 00:12:12,310
You're shooting a porno
at nine months pregnant?
351
00:12:12,310 --> 00:12:13,143
Yeah.
352
00:12:14,230 --> 00:12:16,080
Don't act like you wouldn't watch it.
353
00:12:16,990 --> 00:12:17,823
Cover me.
354
00:12:20,720 --> 00:12:23,730
I am going to have to inspect to make sure
355
00:12:23,730 --> 00:12:25,430
I'm being told the truth right now.
356
00:12:25,430 --> 00:12:26,563
Inspect?
357
00:12:27,940 --> 00:12:29,340
You gonna see in my vagina?
- Ma'am.
358
00:12:29,340 --> 00:12:32,196
Keep your legs spread.
- What are you doing?
359
00:12:32,196 --> 00:12:33,541
Let's see what we got here.
360
00:12:33,541 --> 00:12:35,720
We getting the porno
started out here (chuckles)?
361
00:12:35,720 --> 00:12:37,243
Aw, shit!
362
00:12:39,108 --> 00:12:40,200
Ah, fuck!
363
00:12:40,200 --> 00:12:41,260
Shit.
364
00:12:41,260 --> 00:12:42,475
Oh, god.
365
00:12:42,475 --> 00:12:44,756
(water splashes)
(shouts)
366
00:12:44,756 --> 00:12:46,720
(wretches)
367
00:12:46,720 --> 00:12:48,201
(shouts)
368
00:12:48,201 --> 00:12:49,221
(wretching)
369
00:12:49,221 --> 00:12:51,320
Oh, god, it burns!
370
00:12:51,320 --> 00:12:52,350
Dammit!
371
00:12:52,350 --> 00:12:53,612
Mommy (sobbing)!
372
00:12:53,612 --> 00:12:54,660
Oh, god!
373
00:12:54,660 --> 00:12:55,903
Oh, god!
- Dammit.
374
00:12:56,852 --> 00:12:57,703
God.
375
00:12:57,703 --> 00:12:58,933
Oh, it burns!
376
00:12:58,933 --> 00:12:59,940
God.
377
00:12:59,940 --> 00:13:02,911
Mommy!
- Wanting to save that.
378
00:13:02,911 --> 00:13:04,154
Dammit.
(gasping)
379
00:13:04,154 --> 00:13:04,987
Oh, my god.
380
00:13:04,987 --> 00:13:06,140
What the hell?
381
00:13:06,140 --> 00:13:08,711
They were gonna pay me double
if I did that in the porno.
382
00:13:08,711 --> 00:13:09,544
You know what?
383
00:13:09,544 --> 00:13:11,690
Get over here and help
me pick this shit up.
384
00:13:11,690 --> 00:13:12,700
This shit's worth money.
385
00:13:12,700 --> 00:13:13,990
Get over here
- All right, I got a call
386
00:13:13,990 --> 00:13:15,831
about a pregnant lady.
387
00:13:15,831 --> 00:13:17,170
What the fuck is going on here?
388
00:13:17,170 --> 00:13:18,003
Excuse me, ma'am.
- You my costar?
389
00:13:18,003 --> 00:13:18,836
You all right?
390
00:13:18,836 --> 00:13:19,780
You my costar?
391
00:13:19,780 --> 00:13:20,613
We gotta get you out of here.
392
00:13:20,613 --> 00:13:21,460
Let's get you to the hospital, okay?
393
00:13:21,460 --> 00:13:23,693
Jesus H. Christ, what the
hell is wrong with you guys?
394
00:13:23,693 --> 00:13:24,870
I'll go anywhere with you.
395
00:13:24,870 --> 00:13:25,912
Come on, miss, let's get you
to the hospital, all right?
396
00:13:25,912 --> 00:13:26,745
You okay?
397
00:13:26,745 --> 00:13:27,578
Everything's gonna be
398
00:13:27,578 --> 00:13:28,536
all right?
- Yeah, I'm good.
399
00:13:28,536 --> 00:13:29,369
I need to get to the hospital.
- Come on, let's get you
400
00:13:29,369 --> 00:13:30,202
in here.
401
00:13:30,202 --> 00:13:31,852
All right, get in the back.
402
00:13:31,852 --> 00:13:32,780
You, oh, my god.
403
00:13:32,780 --> 00:13:33,891
What's that smell?
- (laughs) I'm good.
404
00:13:33,891 --> 00:13:34,992
Get in there.
405
00:13:34,992 --> 00:13:36,411
Get on in here, baby.
406
00:13:36,411 --> 00:13:39,321
- What the fuck?
- Get on in here.
407
00:13:39,321 --> 00:13:40,410
It's a fucking pregnant lady!
408
00:13:40,410 --> 00:13:41,243
Jesus Christ!
409
00:13:42,881 --> 00:13:45,714
(gravel scraping)
410
00:13:48,316 --> 00:13:49,149
Fuck!
411
00:13:49,149 --> 00:13:51,982
(tires squealing)
412
00:13:56,918 --> 00:13:57,751
Woo!
413
00:13:57,751 --> 00:13:59,130
My boys!
414
00:13:59,130 --> 00:14:02,140
Oh, I knew a pep talk would get you going.
415
00:14:02,140 --> 00:14:04,810
And you soaked it all into
your damn, dirty skulls.
416
00:14:04,810 --> 00:14:05,730
Look at you!
417
00:14:05,730 --> 00:14:07,030
Oh, what the fuck is that?
418
00:14:07,900 --> 00:14:09,023
Oh, I'm proud of you.
419
00:14:14,790 --> 00:14:15,823
Who's car is this?
420
00:14:21,422 --> 00:14:23,505
And what's on the ground?
421
00:14:26,140 --> 00:14:27,468
What's on my hand?
422
00:14:27,468 --> 00:14:29,885
(funk music)
423
00:14:57,150 --> 00:15:00,785
(inspirational music)
424
00:15:00,785 --> 00:15:02,800
You don't get to tell me that I'm done.
425
00:15:02,800 --> 00:15:03,800
That's not your decision.
426
00:15:03,800 --> 00:15:05,960
That's my decision, and you don't get
427
00:15:05,960 --> 00:15:07,793
to tell me that I'm washed up.
428
00:15:08,650 --> 00:15:10,020
There are moments, all the time,
429
00:15:10,020 --> 00:15:11,260
in the gym that I wanna quit.
430
00:15:11,260 --> 00:15:13,940
If I don't give in to those feelings,
431
00:15:13,940 --> 00:15:16,340
and I can push through, and whatever
432
00:15:16,340 --> 00:15:18,710
my 100% is that day, that's what
433
00:15:18,710 --> 00:15:20,680
I reach, regardless of, maybe I'm hurting,
434
00:15:20,680 --> 00:15:24,840
or I'm really tired, didn't
sleep last night, or I'm sick.
435
00:15:24,840 --> 00:15:27,400
I don't have time to deal with that.
436
00:15:27,400 --> 00:15:29,010
There's no point in me putting it off,
437
00:15:29,010 --> 00:15:34,010
because the fastest way out
of this pain cave is through.
438
00:15:34,840 --> 00:15:36,840
I'm craving the moment where
I can make the decision
439
00:15:36,840 --> 00:15:39,863
to be better, and I wanna
quit, but I choose not to.
29859
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