Original subtitles

Downloaded from YTS.MX

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THIS COURSE IS FANTASTIC.

[THEME FROM JAWS PLAYS]

[MUNCHING]

[GURGLING]

[MUNCHING]

AW, GOD DAMN IT! I ATE SOMEBODY'S TEE!

OH...

I'M BAAACK!

MMMA!

HEE HEE HEE!

DID YOU GUYS HEAR WHAT HAPPENED

TO MARY ELLEN TOBIN?

TOTAL HUMILIATION.

SHE FOUND OUT THAT HER BOYFRIEND

IS PART ITALIAN.

I BET I KNOW WHICH PART, TOO.

HA HA HA.

I'VE ALWAYS WONDERED,

WHAT ARE YOU, KATE?

ME?

WE'RE NEW YORKERS, ORIGINALLY.

OH.

AH.

WELL,

MIFFY TELLS ME THE TWO OF YOU

ROOM TOGETHER AT RADCLIFFE.

FIVE IRON.

I WAS AT HARVARD LAW.

I'M VERY SURPRISED WE NEVER MET.

WELL, I JUST TRANSFERRED LAST YEAR

FROM MICHIGAN.

I KNEW SOMEONE WHO WENT TO MICHIGAN.

I THINK IT WAS OUR MAID.

HA HA HA!

I'M JUST KIDDING.

OUTSTANDING!

MARVELOUS!

MARVELOUSLY... OUTSTANDING!

KATE?

CADDY,

COULD YOU PLEASE RUN

AND GET ME A DIET ROOT BEER?

THE SODA MACHINE'S AT THE SNACK BAR.

YEAH, I KNOW.

AH.

HEH HEH.

I MAY NEVER COME BACK.

HEH HEH.

* I KNOW YOU THINK *

* I'M NO MATCH FOR YOU, BABY *

* YOU LIKE BEING ROUGH ON ME, DON'T YOU? *

* MY, MY, MY *

* BACK TO THE SHACK *

* AH, AH, YEAH *

* NOTHIN' SUITS ME BETTER THAN THAT *

* IF TIME HAS TAUGHT ME ANYTHING *

* GOT TO LEARN TO BE THE BALL *

* AND I CAN'T KEEP FROM LAUGHIN' AT IT ALL *

* OH, OH, I'M GONNA LAUGH *

* I'M GOIN' ALL THE WAY *

* SOONER OR LATER, GOTTA LOVE SOMEBODY *

* DON'T CARE HOW LONG IT TAKES *

* YOU CAN TURN UP THE HEAT *

* BUT I'M PLAYIN' IT COOL *

* THOUGH IT'S HARD TO BELIEVE *

* I AIN'T NOBODY'S FOOL *

* I'M GOIN' ALL THE WAY *

* SOONER OR LATER, GOTTA LOVE SOMEBODY *

* DON'T CARE HOW LONG IT TAKES *

GOOD MORNING, MR. AND MRS. MAYONNAISE.

* GOIN' TO SCHOOL ON YOU *

* BABY, LIKE IT OR NOT, I AIN'T NOBODY'S FOOL *

COME ON, BABY, COME ON, BABY.

EXCUSE ME! PARDON ME!

PARDON ME-- WHOA!

* MY ILLUMINATION *

* MAY COME AS SOME SURPRISE *

* YOU MAY TRY TO DENY IT *

* YOU'RE AMAZED WHEN THE CLOWN *

* SLAPS YOU IN THE FACE *

* LEAVES YOU DUMBFOUNDED THERE IN HIS WAY *

* I'M GOIN' ALL THE WAY *

* SOONER OR LATER, GOTTA LOVE SOMEBODY *

* DON'T CARE HOW LONG IT TAKES *

* LIKE A SHOCK TO THE HEART *

* I'VE GOT NEWS FOR YOU *

* MAYBE I'M NOT SO SMART, BUT I'M NOBODY'S FOOL *

* I'M GOIN' ALL THE WAY *

* OOH, YEAH, YEAH *

* I'M GOIN' ALL THE WAY *

* NOBODY'S FOOL, BABY *

* NOBODY'S FOOL **

ONE DIET ROOT BEER.

AH.

MMM.

THIS...

WAS REALLY GOOD.

THANK YOU.

HEH HEH!

WELL, I WON'T BE A CADDY FOREVER.

I'M GOING TO CAR WASH SCHOOL THIS FALL.

AH, BACK TO WORK.

AHA!

AHH... ROOT BEER!

[SLURPING]

[BURP!]

OH...

YOU GIRLS RUN ALONG,

AND I'LL TAKE CARE OF THE CADDIES.

THANK YOU, TODD.

GREAT ROUND, KATE.

ALL RIGHT, HUNCHBACKS,

LISTEN UP.

THE CLUB PURCHASED

50 CUSHMAN ELECTRIC GOLFMASTER GOLF CARTS,

WHICH MEANS THAT ONCE THEY'RE DELIVERED,

YOUR SERVICES WILL NO LONGER BE REQUIRED.

DOES THIS MEAN THAT WE'RE FIRED?

THAT'S VERY GOOD.

PASS IT ON TO YOUR BRETHREN, WON'T YOU?

SO THERE ARE NO HARD FEELINGS,

I'LL SEE ABOUT LETTING YOU KEEP THOSE COVERALLS.

WHY DON'T YOU ASK YOUR FATHER

TO COME JOIN BUSHWOOD?

IMAGINE THE FUN, THE TOURNAMENTS WE COULD WIN!

OH, THAT WOULD BE GREAT.

I WOULD LOVE THAT.

BUT I'M NOT SURE HOW MY FATHER WOULD FEEL.

MAYBE IF HE SAW HOW DIGNIFIED

AND ELEGANT EVERYTHING WAS HERE...

DIGNIFIED AND ELEGANT...

YEAH!

HE'D FIT RIGHT IN!

WELL, MAKE UP YOUR MIND.

YOU WANT TO PLAY? YOU WANT TO FOLD?

EITHER PLAY OR FOLD OR SIT,

AND THERE'S MORE COMFORTABLE PLACES TO SIT!

HELLO. DID YOU PASS AWAY?

HURRY UP. I'M TALKING TO YOU.

ARE YOU STILL LIVING?

USTED TIENE UN CORAZON DE ORO.

Y YO LO ADMIRO Y LO RESPETO,

LE SUBO, SEÑOR HARTOUNIAN.

I SHOULD CALL YOU--

LOW-LIFE PHONIES, I SHOULD CALL YOU.

I'M OUT.

SEÑORA Y SEÑORES,

EL REY DE FOREPLAY!

HE WIPED ME OUT AGAIN!

NO GAMBLING ON THE JOB!

I SHOULD FIRE YOU SONS OF BITCHES!

BUT BETTER THAN THAT-- GO BACK TO WORK!

AHH...

ALL RIGHT, SWEETHEART, BLOW THE WHISTLE.

[WHISTLING]

MI FAMILIA LE DA LAS GRACIAS.

YO KAY TODO, DE NIDA NADA DE DA YO.

TIENE RAZON.

FOR 20 YEARS, HE THINKS I'M TALKING SPANISH.

YOU DON'T SPEAK SPANISH?

NO, BUT I LISTEN FLUENTLY.

HE GIVES THAT COCKAMAMIE SPANISH HELL!

HIS CHECKS DON'T BOUNCE!

YOU GOT THAT RIGHT!

WHY'D YOU LET HIM WIN?

HOW DID YOU KNOW?

I SAW YOUR HAND.

YOU HAD A FULL HOUSE!

HE HAD A REAL FULL HOUSE.

WHENEVER I GO, I SEE 20 MORE KIDS.

YOU'RE A SOFT TOUCH.

DON'T TELL HIM.

IF HE THINKS I'M WONDERFUL,

HE'LL TRY TO BECOME MY PARTNER.

HELLO. WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?

TAKE CHANCES. I'M INSURED.

[HORN HONKS]

WHAT THE HELL IS HAPPENING?

YOU IN THAT TRACTOR! HEAR ME?

NOT THOSE PEOPLE AGAIN!

I TOLD THEM, YOU WANT TO SAVE A CRUMMY HOUSE,

COME OVER TO MY PLACE!

IT'S ALWAYS SOMETHING.

SOMETIMES I'M TEMPTED TO SAY,

"TO HELL WITH IT. IT'S NOT MY FIELD."

BUT THIS IS YOUR FIELD.

YOU BOUGHT THIS FIELD AND THAT FIELD.

YOU'RE WORTH ABOUT $50 MILLION.

SHH! I'M WORTH A LOT MORE THAN THAT.

SEE YOU DOWNSTAIRS.

WAIT FOR ME!

I HATE THEM!

THEN HURRY UP!

HEY! WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU PEOPLE DOING?

RAYETTE, PLEASE,

LET ME HANDLE THIS DIPLOMATICALLY.

LADY, PLEASE, GET LOST.

PEOPLE ARE WORKING HERE.

YOU LOOK LIKE YOU NEVER HAD A JOB.

MR. HARTOUNIAN?

WE REPRESENT THE HISTORICAL PRESERVATION SOCIETY.

I HAVE A TEMPORARY INJUNCTION RESTRAINING YOU

FROM DEMOLISHING ARMSTRONG ESTATE STRUCTURES

UNTIL THE CITY PLANNING COMMISSION

CAN RULE ON OUR APPEAL.

WHAT? THIS IS NOTHING BUT AN OLD DUMP!

THIS BUILDING IS 70 YEARS OLD.

IT'S PART OF OUR HERITAGE.

HERITAGE? THIS IS A GARAGE!

DO YOU COME FROM A LONG LINE OF MECHANICS?

IT WAS A CARRIAGE HOUSE.

IT'S AN ORIGINAL BUILDING

ON THE ORIGINAL ARMSTRONG ESTATE.

THE PROPERTY LINE ORIGINALLY RAN TO THIS BROOK.

THIS IS NOT A BROOK.

THIS IS A SEWER!

ORIGINALLY, IT WAS A BROOK.

ORIGINALLY, YOUR FAMILY COMES FROM MONKEYS.

WHAT HAS THAT GOT TO DO WITH IT?

THIS PROPERTY HAS BEEN DEAD FOR 25 YEARS.

I TRY TO PUT UP SOME DECENT HOUSING

THAT WORKING PEOPLE CAN AFFORD,

AND I GET A HISTORICAL SOCIETY.

CUT THE BULLSHIT, LADY!

YOU CAN'T STAND WORKING PEOPLE LIVING HERE.

I'M NOT ARGUING ANYMORE.

YOU'RE JUST GOING TO HAVE TO MOVE US!

MM-HMM.

NO PROBLEM.

RAYETTE!

LET'S GO!

[HONK HONK]

HA HA HA! HA HA HA!

COME ON! COME ON!

RUN!

AAH!

* I'M RUNNIN', I'M RUNNIN', I'M RUNNIN', YEAH *

HA HA HA HA.

* OOH, YEAH *

* I CAN'T STAY AWAY, DARLIN' *

* I'M RUNNIN', I'M RUNNIN' *

* I'M RUNNIN', I'M RUNNIN' *

* RUN, BABY **

LOOK, POP, IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU,

WE WINTER IN THE BAHAMAS,

SUMMER IN THE HAMPTONS,

AND DON'T MENTION JERSEY.

ALL RIGHT. ONLY BECAUSE I LOVE YOU.

I'D RATHER HAVE A HERNIA OPERATION.

YOU SHOULD WANT TO JOIN BUSHWOOD FOR YOURSELF.

YOU'VE WORKED HARD.

YOU DESERVE TO BELONG

TO THE BEST COUNTRY CLUB.

THEY'RE A BUNCH OF SNOBS.

LOOK AT THE NAMES THEY GIVE THEIR KIDS.

"THIS-AND-THIS JUNIOR, THIS-AND-THIS THE FIRST."

HOW BRILLIANT! THEY CAN'T EVEN THINK OF A NEW NAME.

DON'T CONDEMN THEM JUST BECAUSE THEY HAVE ROOTS.

THEY GOT ROOTS LIKE AN OAK TREE.

WE GOT ROOTS LIKE RADISHES.

I DON'T WANT TO BE A RADISH ALL MY LIFE,

SO PLEASE, POP, JUST TRY.

KATE!

HI.

HI.

DADDY, I'D LIKE YOU TO MEET

MY FRIEND, MIFFY.

MIFFY? HEH HEH.

I KNEW A GIRL CALLED MUFFY--

PROBABLY FOR DIFFERENT REASONS.

HEH HEH.

SHE WAS UGLY.

SHE HAD A COMING-OUT PARTY.

THEY MADE HER GO BACK!

WELL, SHOULD WE GO?

TODD'S WAITING FOR US

WITH A SCRUMPTIOUS JUNK-BOND SALESMAN.

GOOD LUCK, DADDY.

HAVE A GOOD TIME.

BYE.

BYE, GIRLS.

I'M SO SORRY.

I HAD NO IDEA

WHAT YOU WERE GOING THROUGH AT HOME.

HE ISN'T YOUR REAL FATHER, IS HE?

I'LL GET THAT, SIR.

[THUD]

ARE YOU EXPECTED?

DOES IT SHOW?

YOU LOOK SICK. I DON'T WANT TO CAUSE PROBLEMS.

I'M LOOKING FOR TY WEBB.

[SNORING]

THE ROOM THAT TIME FORGOT.

MR. WEBB, YOUR GUEST.

JACK!

YOU'RE WORKING HARD, AS USUAL.

MANAGING A LARGE INHERITANCE

IS A FULL-TIME JOB.

LAWYERS AND ACCOUNTANTS SEND ME THINGS.

GOT TO SIGN THINGS.

HARD WORK FOR A COUPLE MILLION A YEAR.

I WAS BORN WITH A WOODEN SPOON IN MY MOUTH.

MUST'VE BEEN HARD ON YOUR MOTHER. STILL BUILDING?

YEAH. LOW-INCOME HOUSING.

NO MONEY IN IT, BUT I SLEEP WELL AT NIGHT.

I SLEEP WELL DURING THE DAYTIME.

WHERE? IN A CAT BOX?

YOU LOOK TERRIBLE.

NA NA NA NA...

OOP.

I GOT IT.

HEY, WHO BUILT THIS THING, ANYWAY?

THERE WE GO.

I'LL BE RIGHT THERE, JACK.

YOU KNOW ME, JACK.

I BELIEVE A HEALTHY LIFE NEEDS A BALANCE BETWEEN

WORK AND PLAY, YIN AND YANG.

I HEARD YOU GET MORE YANG THAN YOU CAN HANDLE.

HEY, TY!

HEY, VINNIE.

TED.

WHATEVER.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING WITH ALL THOSE HEARTS?

TY! DAMN.

SEVEN OF DIAMONDS-- KEEP THAT QUEEN.

HAVE A SEAT.

HE RUINED THE ENTIRE HAND!

SO, YOU WANT TO JOIN BUSHWOOD?

IT'S FOR MY DAUGHTER'S SAKE. I COULDN'T CARE LESS.

THIS PLACE IS WHAT THE WORLD WOULD'VE LOOKED LIKE

IF THE GERMANS HAD WON.

LUCKY FOR US THE JAPANESE WON.

I SHOULD INTRODUCE YOU AROUND.

DO YOU HAVE TO?

JUST RELAX. THE IMPORTANT THING IS TO BE YOURSELF--

AND LOSE THE ACCENT.

WHAT ACCENT?

JACK HARTOUNIAN, I'D LIKE YOU TO MEET

SOME RESPECTED CLUB MEMBERS.

MR. FORESKIN.

FORRESTER.

FORRESTER.

AND MR. CRABS.

AND MR., UH, WRINKLE.

THAT'S WINKLER.

WINKLER.

AND MR., UH... OR IS IT MRS.?

JAMISON.

JAMISON. THAT'S RIGHT.

MRS. JAMISON.

THERE YOU ARE, TY. I WAS LOOKING FOR--

POLI-GRIP?

NO.

CONDOM MACHINE?

NO!

THE BLUE STUFF YOU PUT YOUR COMBS IN?

NO! MR. HARTOUNIAN.

IN THIS CLUB?

YOU MEAN JACK!

HELLO.

I'M MIFFY'S FATHER, CHANDLER YOUNG.

CHANDLER YOUNG.

I'M AFRAID I ONLY HAVE ONE LAST NAME.

AND AN INTERESTING NAME IT IS.

HARTOUNIAN.

WHAT IS YOUR BACKGROUND?

MY FATHER WAS ARMENIAN.

MY MOTHER WAS HALF-JEWISH, ENGLISH, SPANISH.

THAT'S THREE HALVES.

SHE WAS A BIG WOMAN.

HA HA HA!

JACK, CHANDLER IS THE CLUB PRESIDENT.

YOU CAN PLAY GOLF WITH HIM,

MAYBE HAVE A COCKTAIL,

MAYBE SOME LIGHT PETTING LATER?

WELL, I GOT A THING.

HE'S A LITTLE STRANGE.

ELIZABETH?

OH!

JACK, THIS IS ELIZABETH PEARCE.

HI. I SURE LIKE YOUR SUIT.

YOU'RE A REAL NICE-LOOKING PERSON.

SHOULD I COME BACK WHEN YOU'RE DRESSED?

THAT'S ALL RIGHT. I'M PLEASED TO MEET YOU.

LOOK WHAT I DID. I'M SORRY.

IS THAT WHERE THAT GOES?

MOST WOMEN I KNOW PUT THAT IN A DIFFERENT LOCATION.

I DON'T NEED ANY THERE.

I'VE ASKED ELIZABETH AND MY WIFE

TO JOIN US FOR A FOURSOME.

I WOULDN'T MIND A FOURSOME OR TWO TWOSOMES

OR MAYBE FOUR ONESOMES.

AND THIS IS MY WIFE,

CYNTHIA.

HELLO.

HELLO.

OH, NO. ABSOLUTELY NOT.

IT'S OUT OF THE QUESTION.

I REFUSE TO PLAY GOLF WITH THIS MAN.

THEN YOU'VE MET?

THIS IS THE MAN

WHO'S DESTROYING OUR COMMUNITY.

IT WAS A LITTLE DISAGREEMENT.

HE TRIED TO RUN ME OVER WITH A STEAMROLLER!

WHAT STEAMROLLER? IT WAS A BULLDOZER. HEH HEH.

I REALLY HAVE TO APOLOGIZE TO YOU.

I WAS WRONG. I'M TERRIBLY, TERRIBLY SORRY.

DARLING, A WORD?

EXCUSE US FOR A MOMENT.

JACK, LET'S GET OUR CLUBS.

LET'S NOT MAKE A SCENE.

HE TRIED TO KILL ME.

I'M SURE HE HAD REASONS.

I PROMISED MIFFY WE'D PLAY.

IT'S FUNNY RUNNING INTO MRS. YOUNG.

WAS THE FIRST TIME FUNNIER?

BESIDES, THIS IS AN OPPORTUNITY

FOR YOU TO SAVE THE ARMSTRONG ESTATE.

YOU'LL CATCH MORE FLIES WITH HONEY.

HMM?

DON'T WORRY. I WON'T RUN HEAVY EQUIPMENT INTO YOU.

HOW SWEET.

YES.YEAH?

EVERYBODY HAPPY NOW?

THIS SHOULD BE FUN, YOU THINK?

I DON'T SEE HOW.

JACK, GIVE YOU THE HONOR.

LOOK AT THIS. I'M HERE 15 MINUTES

AND ALREADY THEY WANT TO GIVE ME HONORS.

THAT MEANS THEY WANT YOU TO TEE OFF FIRST.

OH... HERE GOES.

WELL, THIS WILL BE IT.

HERE WE GO.

UM-HMM. UH-HMM. EEHP. UH-HMM.

NOW!

AH!

[BANG]

INTERESTING CLUB.

WHAT WOULD YOU CALL THAT?

IT'S A 12-GAUGE.

12-GAUGE.

[BEEPING]

OUT OF AMMUNITION, MR. HARTOUNIAN?

A FRIEND OF MINE AT NASA SENT THIS.

I'M SURPRISED YOU BOTHER COMING OUT AT ALL.

WHY NOT DEVELOP A GADGET THAT ALLOWS YOU TO STAY INSIDE?

THAT'S FUNNY. I GOT A FRIEND WORKING ON THAT, TOO.

[BEEPING]

DOESN'T THAT TAKE THE SPORT OUT OF IT?

NO. A LOT OF THINGS COULD GO WRONG.

BATTERIES COULD GO LOW, GET STATIC.

SOMETIMES THE SIGNAL INTERFERES WITH A PACEMAKER.

EDWARD!

AAH!

[BEEP]

BINGO!

BINGO.

HUH.

HA HA!

MUST'VE BEEN THAT CHILIDOG!

HE WANTS TO BECOME A MEMBER. CAN YOU IMAGINE?

YEAH. WITH THAT MAN AROUND, I CAN IMAGINE ANYTHING!

SO... WHAT WOULD YOU SAY

ARE MY CHANCES OF BECOMING A MEMBER?

THAT DEPENDS ON YOU, JACK.

THIS IS A LOVELY NEIGHBORHOOD.

PEOPLE HATE TO SEE IT MUCKED UP

WITH CHEAP APARTMENTS.

I CAN'T TELL YOU YOUR BUSINESS,

BUT YOU KNOW, ONE HAND WASHES THE OTHER.

YOU WOULDN'T DISAPPOINT

YOUR DAUGHTER, WOULD YOU?

THERE'S DADDY.

OH! HI.

I CERTAINLY WOULDN'T.

LET'S GET A MEMBERSHIP APPLICATION

AND LEAVE BUSINESS TO THE LAWYERS.

IF YOU WANT, WE'LL LEAVE IT TO THE LAWYERS,

BUT IT WAS YOUR IDEA.

I DIDN'T GO TO ONE OF THOSE FANCY LAW SCHOOLS

LIKE YOU DID, MR. PIERPONT,

SO YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO EXPLAIN SOMETHIN' TO ME.

HOW IN THE WORLD DO YOU EXPECT MR. HARTOUNIAN

TO VOLUNTARILY STOP BUILDING ON THAT SITE

AND MOVE THIS ENTIRE HOUSING PROJECT SOMEWHERE ELSE?

I DON'T SEE IT.

BECAUSE, SIR, HE'LL HAVE NO CHOICE.

LET ME EXPLAIN HOW THE LEGAL SYSTEM REALLY WORKS.

OK.

YOU SEE, MR. BLUNT,

IF YOUR CLIENT DOESN'T VOLUNTARILY CEASE AND DESIST,

WE'LL BE FORCED TO GO THROUGH THE LONG, COSTLY PROCESS

OF INJUNCTIONS, LAWSUITS,

MOTIONS, COUNTERMOTIONS,

HEARINGS, APPEALS--

WHICH WILL COST YOU SO MUCH

IN TERMS OF LEGAL FEES AND CONSTRUCTION DELAYS,

YOU'LL WISH YOU'D NEVER HEARD OF US.

OOH.

BECAUSE THERE'S NO WAY WE'LL LET YOU GUYS

COME BARGING INTO BUSHWOOD ESTATES

AND THROW UP A LOT OF CHEAP HOUSING.

HA HA HA!

WHICH ONE OF YOU IS CHANDLER YOUNG'S SON?

I AM.

YOU'VE MADE IT CLEAR HOW YOUR LEGAL SYSTEM WORKS.

NOW I'D LIKE TO EXPLAIN

ABOUT THE PETER BLUNT SYSTEM.

YOU SEE, UM...

I DON'T GO IN FOR LAWSUITS AND MOTIONS

OR ANY OF THAT LEGAL STUFF.

NO, NO. SEE, WHAT HAPPENS IS,

I FIND OUT WHERE YOU LIVE,

AND THEN I COME TO YOUR HOUSE, SEE?

AND I BEAT DOWN YOUR DOOR

WITH A FUCKIN' BASEBALL BAT!

THEN I'M GONNA MAKE A BONFIRE WITH THE CHIPPENDALE,

MAYBE ROAST THAT GOLDEN RETRIEVER!

ARF! ARF! ARF! THEN EAT IT!

THEN I'M COMIN' UPSTAIRS, JUNIOR,

AND I'M GONNA GRAB YOU BY YOUR PJs!

THEN I'M GONNA TAKE YOUR BRAND-NEW BMW

AND CRAM IT UP YOUR TIGHT ASS!

DO WE HAVE AN UNDERSTANDING?

[YELLING]

SO, MARTHA, IS HE IN?

HE'S IN A MEETING.

GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE BEFORE I HURT SOMEBODY!

I TRIED TO SWEET-TALK 'EM.

SO I HEARD.

WE CAN'T BUILD ANYTHING ON BUSHWOOD ESTATES

UNTIL WE GET A RULING FROM THE COMMISSION.

WE HAVE TO HAVE A HEARING.

A HEARING? DO ME A FAVOR--

DON'T TRY TO SWEET-TALK THE PLANNING COMMISSION.

JACK, HAVE A LITTLE FAITH IN YOUR LAWYER.

FAITH IN A LAWYER?

THAT WAS GREAT, DADDY.

IT REALLY WAS, MR. YOUNG.

THANKS, KATE. HE'S COMING ALONG NICELY.

YOU KNOW, JUMPING A FINE HORSE

IS A BEAUTIFUL THING TO WATCH WHEN IT'S DONE RIGHT.

[NEIGH]

SLOW DOWN!

ELIZABETH, WHERE'S THE BRAKES?

NEXT TO THE CLUTCH.

EASY, DOG FOOD. SON OF A BITCH!

DON'T YOU EVER MOVE THIS FAST!

WHOA, DOG FOOD!

DADDY.

WHAT ARE YOU DOIN' HERE?

I ASKED HIM.

KATE, ELIZABETH. ELIZABETH, MY DAUGHTER KATE.

HAPPY TO MEET YOU.

HELLO. I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU'RE ON A HORSE.

HE SAID HE'S BEEN AROUND HORSES.

BETTING ON THEM-- NOT RIDING.

GENTLEMEN RIDE.

NOT LIKE THAT.

QUITE AN ENTRANCE.

I WAS AFRAID YOU MIGHT BREAK YOUR NECK

OR YOUR ARM,

MAYBE STRIKE YOUR HEAD AGAINST A FENCE POST,

MAYBE BE DRAGGED SEVERAL MILES OVER ROUGH TERRAIN.

SWEET OF YOU TO CARE.

OBVIOUSLY, YOU'RE NOT TROUBLED ABOUT OUR LAWYERS' MEETING.

NO, NOT AT ALL.

CARE TO TAKE A FEW JUMPS?

I DON'T THINK HE'S QUITE READY FOR JUMPING.

HOLD ON TIGHT. GRIP WITH YOUR KNEES.

LET THE ANIMAL DO ALL THE WORK.

SOUNDS LIKE MY WEDDING NIGHT.

[PFFFFFT!]

YOUR HORSE HAS A GAS PROBLEM.

IT'S NOT THE HORSE.

UGH!

GAS PROBLEM.

RAISE ALL THE JUMPS.

YES, SIR. YES, SIR.

THIS IS CRAZY. HE COULD REALLY GET HURT.

ALMOST DEFINITELY, I'D SAY.

STAY BEHIND ME AND DO AS I DO.

GO!

HA HA HA!

YO!

[NEIGH!]

[PANTING]

A LITTLE HIGHER NEXT TIME. HIGHER!

YOU MAY WANT TO URGE HIM A LITTLE MORE, JACK.

UP, PRINCE.

THIS TIME, DOG FOOD, OVER IT!

[PANTING]

AAH!

[NEIGH]

ONE MORE SET OF JUMPS.

WE'LL MAKE IT AN EASY ONE.

HAVING FUN YET, JACK?

WHOA!

HA HA HA!

AAH!

UHH!

OH!

AAH!

[NEIGH]

HA HA!

[PFFFFFFT!]

HA HA HA!

HI-YO, DOG FOOD!

GOOD EVENING, MISS.

GOOD EVENING, SIR.

POP, DADDY...

DID YOU HAVE TO WEAR THAT TUX?

WHY? WHAT'S WRONG WITH IT?

IT'S...BLUE.

IF YOU LOOK AT IT THIS WAY--PURPLE.

IF YOU LOOK AT IT LIKE THIS--GOLD. BEAUTIFUL, HUH?

COME ON, SWEETHEART.

PEOPLE HERE LIKE THEIR TUXEDOS BLACK.

THEY LIKE THEIR NOSES RED, THEIR BLOOD BLUE,

THEIR FACES WHITE... UNTIL THEY HIRE HELP.

THEN SUDDENLY, THEY WANT EVERY FACE

TO BE BLACK, BROWN, OR YELLOW.

I'M NOT A HYPOCRITE ENOUGH TO GO ALONG

WITH A SCHEME LIKE THAT.

I DON'T EXPECT YOU TO CHANGE AT ONCE.

I'M GONNA INTRODUCE YOU

TO THIS GUY I REALLY LIKE,

SO COULD YOU PRETEND YOU LIKE EVERYONE?

PRETEND? LISTEN, I CAN'T PRETEND

TO LIKE PEOPLE I DON'T LIKE.

WHY DO FUNZANOONS IMPRESS YOU?

WHAT'S A FUNZANOON?

SOMEONE WHO FARTS IN THE BATHTUB AND BITES THE BUBBLES.

NICE. POP, PLEASE, DON'T--

GLAD YOU COULD COME. THIS IS FOR YOU.

HA HA! THAT'S A FUNZANOON!

THIS IS THE PERSON I WAS TELLING YOU ABOUT.

TODD, I'D LIKE YOU TO MEET MY FATHER.

WHY DO YOU LOOK FAMILIAR?

BECAUSE I'M SUING YOU, SIR.

NOTHING PERSONAL.

YOU THINK YOUR HEAD GETTIN' BUSTED MIGHT BE PERSONAL?

HA HA HA!

WHAT ABOUT A BROKEN NOSE?

JACK, HAVE A PIG-IN-A-BLANKET.

I LOVE YOUR JACKET, JACK.

TODD, NICE SEEING YOU. KATE, IT'S A PLEASURE.

THANKS.

COME WITH ME, JACK.

HE'S A VERY FUNNY MAN.

YEAH, HE'S A RIOT.

HEY, LOOK AT THIS.

CHANDLER, YOU WANT TO BUY A HORSE?

HA HA HA HA!

WELL, LOOK WHO'S HERE.

CYNTHIA, YOU MUST BE HAPPY TO SEE ME.

OF COURSE.

HELLO, HOW ARE YOU? WHAT'S HAPPENING?

LOOK AT THIS CONVERSATION I JUST HEARD.

THIS IS THE FIRST TIME

SOMEONE ELSE GOT THE COLD SHOULDER.

I LIKE TO TALK TO MYSELF.

I LIKE DEALING WITH A BETTER CLASS OF PEOPLE.

I LIKE THAT.

DO YOU RUMBA, SAMBA, MAMBO?

I TRY TO TANGO.

THAT'S CLOSE ENOUGH.

UHH.

OH!

MMM. YUM-YUM.

MMM. HEE HEE HEE!

KATE, WILL YOU PLEASE LOOK

AT YOUR FATHER AND MY COUSIN DANCING OUT THERE?

EXCUSE ME.

SL-U-U-U-U-URP!

AHH.

NO. UHH!

NAH! EE! UH!

YAH!

AH! AH! AH!

HA!

AH!

OH!

BOY, THIS IS A TOUGH ROOM.

WELL, WHAT IS THAT?

WHAT ARE YOU DOIN'?

OH! WELL... I WAS JUST PRACTICING.

HOW CAN YOU TELL WHERE THE BALL WENT?

YOU CAN'T, WHICH IS PROBABLY WHY YOU DON'T SEE

A LOT OF NIGHT GOLF.

HOW'S THE PARTY GOIN'?

OH...

AH, I SEE.

WAS IT, UH, IS IT THAT BAD?

HARRY, JUST BY LOOKING AT ME,

WOULD YOU SAY THAT I WAS LOWER-CLASS,

MIDDLE-CLASS, OR UPPER-CLASS?

YOU'RE BEING SERIOUS?

YES.

YES. I WOULD SAY...

MIDDLE... UPPER, MAYBE.

MIDDLE-UPPER, DEFINITELY.

SO WHAT ARE YOU-- I MEAN, AT HOME,

WHEN YOU'RE NOT CADDYING?

AT HOME, WE HAPPEN TO BE UPPER-LOWER,

BUT AT SCHOOL, I PRETEND I'M LOWER-MIDDLE,

BUT I ASPIRE TO BECOME MIDDLE-MIDDLE.

YOU'RE OBSESSED WITH THIS CLASS THING, AREN'T YOU?

I JUST WANT TO FIT IN,

BUT AROUND HERE, IT'S SO IMPORTANT

THAT YOU LOOK A CERTAIN WAY

AND YOU JOIN THE RIGHT SORORITY--

COME ON, KATE-- JOINING THE RIGHT SORORITY...PFFT!

IT'S NOT IMPORTANT.

YOU KNOW WHO YOU REMIND ME OF? MY FATHER.

THAT'S BETTER THAN YOUR MOTHER.

ATTENTION, EVERYONE.

IT'S TIME FOR OUR LITTLE SLAVE AUCTION.

REMEMBER, IT'S ALL FOR CHARITY.

LET'S SEE IF WE CAN BREAK

LAST YEAR'S RECORD OF $4,500.

BREAK OUT YOUR CHECKBOOKS AND THINK MANDINGO

WHILE I READ THE LIST OF SLAVES.

WHAT IS THIS ALL ABOUT?

IT'S A LITTLE GAME THEY PLAY.

THEY AUCTION OFF THE JUDGE--WHOEVER,

AND YOU BUY THEM, YOU TAKE THEM HOME,

AND THEY SWEEP YOUR FLOORS.

AFTERWARDS, YOU GIVE THEM LUNCH AND A MARTINI.

IT'S VERY CIVILIZED.

"HOW DO YOU DO? NICE TO SEE YOU."

JACK, LIKE TO HAVE A WORD WITH YOU.

HEY, CHANDLER, HOW ARE YOU?

MR. CLUB PRESIDENT, HOW YOU BEEN?

HA HA HA!

I'M HAVING THE BEST TIME! EVERYTHING'S WONDERFUL.

YES, IT IS. HERE'S THE THING--

MY WIFE AND I SPOKE TO SEVERAL MEMBERS.

WE FEEL IT MIGHT BE BETTER

IF YOU DIDN'T VISIT THE CLUB FOR A WHILE.

WHAT DO YOU MEAN "FOR A WHILE"?

EVER, ACTUALLY.

WE DON'T FEEL YOU'RE BUSHWOOD MATERIAL.

THIS WHOLE, MESSY APARTMENT BUSINESS,

THE ATTEMPT ON CYNTHIA'S LIFE.

YOU UNDERSTAND, I'M SURE.

I UNDERSTAND.

GOOD.

WELL, LET'S START THE BIDDING.

OUR FIRST SOCIETY SLAVE GOING UP FOR BIDS

IS THE CHARMING CYNTHIA YOUNG.

CYNTHIA!

SO I THOUGHT WE'D START THE BIDDING

AT, UM...$50.

DO I HEAR 50?

$50.

$100.

200.

250.

300.

DO I HEAR 325?

VERY WELL. GOING ONCE AT 300.

GOING TWICE.

325.

I THOUGHT THAT MAN LEFT.

I THOUGHT HE LEFT.

325 IS BID.

DO I HEAR 350?

PLEASE.

DADDY!

DON'T WORRY. 350!

400.

450!

500.

FINISH HIM, CHUCK.

HE'S MAKING US LOOK TERRIBLE.

510.

YES!

1,000 BUCKS.

OH! OH! OH!

I HAVE $1,000.

DO I HEAR MORE?

DADDY!

GOING ONCE.

GOING TWICE.

CHANDLER!

WHAT'S HE WAITING FOR?

PLEASE.

WELL...

SOLD!

FOR $1,000 TO MR. HARTOUNIAN.

OH!

HA HA!

DO YOU WANT A TIP?

DO I WANT A TIP?

BEND FROM THE HIP SOCKETS.

IF YOU CAN SEE YOUR ZIPPER...

YOU'RE SCREWED.

HIP SOCKETS?

OK.

HERE?

NO.

HERE?

HERE.

HERE?

NO. HERE.

OH.

THAT'S GOOD.

KATE.

HA HA! WHAT IS IT YOU'RE DOING OUT HERE?

JUST HITTING SOME GOLF BALLS.

WANT TO HIT SOME?

OH, SURE, IN MY TUXEDO,

WITHOUT MY GLOVE OR MY SPIKES?

AREN'T YOU AN EMPLOYEE,

AND ISN'T THERE SOME RULE ABOUT HOW CLOSE

YOU CAN STAND TO MEMBERS?

IT'S 3 1/2 FEET, BUT ONLY DURING WORKING HOURS.

AND IF MY MEMORY SERVES, WISE ASS,

DIDN'T I ALREADY FIRE YOU?

YES, YOU DID, WHICH IS PROBABLY WHY I'M NOT WORKING.

KATE, WOULD YOU LIKE TO GO BACK INSIDE?

ACTUALLY, I THINK I'LL JUST GO HOME FROM HERE.

ON THE WAY, WE CAN STOP BY BUNNY SKYLER'S.

SHE'S HAVING A LITTLE PARTY.

YOU WANT TO?

OK.

THANKS.

THANK YOU.

SEE YOU AROUND.

NOT AROUND HERE, SHE WON'T.

$1,100 GOING ONCE.

SOMEONE, PLEASE!

THIS IS TERRIBLE!

GOING TWICE.

OH, GRACIE.

SOLD--MR. CHANDLER YOUNG FOR $1,100...

ONCE AGAIN TO MR. HARTOUNIAN,

WHO HAS GRACIOUSLY PURCHASED ALL OUR SOCIETY SLAVES

FOR A GRAND TOTAL OF $11,950.

I DO HOPE YOU'LL FIND ENOUGH LITTLE CHORES

TO KEEP US ALL BUSY.

I'LL THINK OF SOMETHIN'.

COME ON, GUYS, LET'S GO!

WE GOT A LOT TO DO.

[PANTING]

OH, I REALLY HATE THIS!

EASY.

OH, DAVIDSON! AAH!

STUPID, GET OUT OF THERE! WHAT ARE YOU--NUTS?

THIS IS AN OUTRAGE!

TELL ME ABOUT IT. I ASKED FOR LABORERS--

GUYS WITH BIG ARMS, BAD TEETH,

JUST BROKE UP WITH A WAITRESS.

OH! AH!

OH!

WHEW!

HEY, YOU'RE DOIN' A FINE JOB.

A COUPLE OF US ARE GOIN' BOWLING,

SUCK DOWN A COUPLE BEERS. WANT TO COME?

BOWLING, SUCK DOWN A COUPLE BEERS. FINE.

EXCUSE ME...

SIR.

HA HA HA!

[SPEAKING SPANISH]

HEY, JACK,

HOW MUCH YOU PAY FOR THESE PEOPLE?

$11,900.

YOU GOT BURNED.

THAT OLD BROAD CAN'T CARRY LUMBER FOR SHIT.

ALL RIGHT, YOU'VE HAD YOUR FUN.

WHAT ARE YOU TRYIN' TO PROVE?

I'M NOT TRYING TO PROVE ANYTHING.

I WANTED YOU TO SEE MOST PEOPLE WORK.

DON'T TELL ME ABOUT WORK.

I'VE CUT MORE FIREWOOD THAN YOU'LL EVER SEE.

IT'LL TAKE MORE THAN YOU'VE GOT TO BREAK CHANDLER YOUNG.

OH! WHOA!

AH!

CHANDLER!

AY YI YI!

OH, CHANDLER!

AAH!

SEÑORA!

AAH!

CHANDLER!

WHERE'S SHE GOIN'? IT'S NOT LUNCHTIME YET.

CHANDLER!

ALL IN FAVOR?

AYE! AYE! AYE!

OPPOSED?

THEN IT'S SETTLED.

JACK HARTOUNIAN'S FINISHED IN THIS CITY.

T.P., YOU HANDLE THE I.R.S.

P.P., WHY DON'T YOU CONTACT

THE POLICE, FIRE, AND UTILITIES?

B.M., GO TO WORK ON HIS SUPPLIERS AND SUBCONTRACTORS.

AREN'T WE BEING A LITTLE CHILDISH ABOUT THIS THING?

IS PUNISHING THIS BOOB

REALLY WORTH ALL THIS EFFORT?

MM-HMM. MM-HMM.

YES, I THINK SO, DEFINITELY.

I'LL TELL YOU THIS--

HE'LL WISH HE NEVER SET FOOT IN THIS CLUB.

HARD TO SAY, HUH?

HOW LONG BEFORE YOU GET THE POWER TURNED BACK ON?

WHAT?

HARD TO SAY. I SEE.

WELL, IS IT AS HARD TO SAY AS,

"THERE'S A MAN IN MY OFFICE WITH A FLAME THROWER"?

WHAT'S GOIN' ON HERE?

WE GOT PROBLEMS.

WE GOT NO CEMENT, NO LUMBER--NO NOTHIN'.

THE INSPECTOR PULLED OUR PERMITS.

WHERE IS THE ELECTRICITY?

THERE SEEMS TO BE A CONSPIRACY HERE.

WHAT ARE YOU TELLIN' ME?

IF YOU DON'T BACK OFF, THEY'LL PUT US OUT OF BUSINESS.

THAT WHAT THEY THINK!

TY.

YEAH?

I'M DOWN HERE READING.

I WANT TO BUY BUSHWOOD.

I GOT TO GET EVEN WITH THESE SONS OF BITCHES!

HOLD ON, JACK.

CALM DOWN.

YOU WANT TO BUY BUSHWOOD?

THAT'S RIGHT! THAT'S RIGHT!

LET ME ASK YOU THIS-- DO I OWN IT?

YOU OWN 53% OF THE STOCK.

53%? AHH...

GOOD OLD DAD.

NO FLIES ON HIM.

VERY FEW ON MOM AS I RECALL.

MOM AND DAD. WELL, THEY'RE GONE NOW.

THEY PASSED AWAY?

NO, NO. PALM BEACH.

WAIT A MINUTE.

I'M SORRY. I THINK THEY ARE DEAD.

I WANT TO TALK BUSINESS.

LET'S TALK OVER A GAME OF GOLF.

BUT YOU DON'T PLAY ANYMORE.

I STILL PLAY...

JUST NOT OUTDOORS.

I FINALLY GOT IT DOWN TO THE BASIC ESSENTIALS.

CLUB, BALL...

SWING.

THE REST OF IT IS

JUST WALKING AROUND WEARING FUNNY PANTS.

YOU THINK THIS IS SAFE?

OF COURSE. IT'S A BALLROOM.

[BANG!]

[CRASH!]

AH...WANT A LIFT?

WHY NOT?

[SCREECH]

[HONK HONK]

IT'S A TOUGH DOGLEG TO THE RIGHT UP HERE.

YOU WANT TO SELL OR WHAT?

WHY ARE YOU SO UPSET?

FIRST, THEY SHUT DOWN MY BUILDING SITES.

THEN THEY CUT OFF MY POWER, MY PHONES!

OUCH!

LET'S LOOK AT IT FROM THEIR POINT OF VIEW.

OK?

I HAVE TO HAVE AN ANSWER TODAY.

WE'RE GONNA HAVE TO NEGOTIATE.

THERE'LL BE CALLS, MAYBE SOME MAIL.

WE'RE TALKING MUCHO DINERO HERE,

AND PROBABLY AMERICAN MONEY, TOO.

[DING!]

LITTLE CHUNKY.

I DON'T CARE WHAT IT COSTS! I WANT IT!

MM-HMM. TOUGH LIE.

JACK, IF I SELL YOU THOSE STOCKS,

A LOT OF PEOPLE WON'T SPEAK TO ME.

THEY DON'T NOW.

THAT'S A VERY GOOD POINT.

I'LL BANK IT OFF THE CHAGALL.

I TOPPED IT.

I TOPPED IT. GOT A GOOD BOUNCE.

IT'S IN.

DO WE HAVE A DEAL?

HMM?

HUH?

WHY NOT?

NOW YOU'RE TALKIN'.

YOU HAVE A TWIN SISTER?

[SNORING]

WELL, GENTLEMEN, I THINK WE'VE SEEN THE LAST

OF MR. JACK HARTOUNIAN.

I GUESS HE LEARNED A LITTLE SOMETHING

ABOUT WHO CALLS THE SHOTS.

WAKE UP! NOW I KNOW WHAT THEY DO WITH THOSE BODIES

ONCE THE MEDICAL STUDENTS ARE FINISHED.

WHAT MAKES YOU THINK YOU CAN WALK IN

AND STROLL AROUND LIKE YOU OWN THE PLACE?

'CAUSE I DO OWN THE PLACE.

YOU MUST BE CHANDLER.

WHERE DID YOU GET THESE?

TY WEBB.

TY WEBB. TY WEBB.

I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU INTEND TO DO WITH THE CLUB,

BUT OUR MEMBERS WILL NEVER STAND FOR THIS!

MOST CAN'T STAND ANYWAY.

DO YOU KNOW WHAT THE MOST IMPORTANT PROBLEM TODAY IS?

PRIVILEGE-- PEOPLE LIKE YOU

WHO THINK YOU'RE BETTER THAN EVERYBODY ELSE.

HERE IS A CITY FULL OF POOR PEOPLE--

POOR PEOPLE WHO SUFFER,

SUFFERED AND STRUGGLED IN THE FACTORIES

AND SLAUGHTERHOUSES FOR WHAT?

SO YOU SHOULD LIVE IN A BIG MANSION

ON TOP OF A HILL?

LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING--

THERE'S GONNA BE NEW FACES IN THIS CLUB.

I'M GONNA SEE TO IT.

I'M GONNA OPEN IT TO THE PUBLIC!

OH. OH.

AND I'M GONNA MAKE SURE THAT EVERYONE

HAS A TASTE OF THE GOOD LIFE.

DON'T YOU JUST LOVE THIS GUY?

DON'T START THINKING YOU'VE WON ANYTHING, HARTOUNIAN!

THIS ISN'T OVER YET!

SEE YOU AT THE REOPENING.

COME BACK ANYTIME, AND WE'LL PLAY A FEW HOLES.

[BATTLE HYMN OF THE REPUBLIC PLAYING]

CHANDLER, I WANT TO GO HOME.

WE DON'T WANT HIM TO THINK HE'S WINNING.

BUT HE IS WINNING!

WELL, IT'S NO DIFFERENT, IS IT?

PERHAPS IT WON'T BE SO BAD AFTER ALL.

[CARNIVAL MUSIC PLAYS]

GIVE ME THAT!

THIS IS OUTRAGEOUS!

LET'S JUST PLAY!

FORE!

HEY, BOYS, YOU MADE IT, HUH?

WHAT DO YOU THINK? IT'S GREAT, ISN'T IT?

I SUPPOSE THIS IS SOMEONE'S IDEA OF FUN.

WHAT?

TURN THE MUSIC DOWN, YOU IDIOT!

OH, YEAH, RIGHT.

WHAT DO YOU SAY I JOIN YOU

FOR A LITTLE SMALL BALL?

HERE. HAVE A PULL OFF OF THAT.

AHH.

HOW CAN YOU PLAY WITH JUST TWO CLUBS?

HOW MANY YOU NEED?

I CAN'T BELIEVE I'M PLAYIN' GOLF.

GOLF.

GOLF.

SOUNDS LIKE YOU GOT SOMETHIN' STUCK IN YOUR THROAT.

HE REALLY GOT A HOLD OF THAT ONE.

THAT ONE'S IN THE UPPER DECK. THAT ONE'S GONE!

HA HA HA HA!

WHERE'S MY BEER?

YOU KNOW THE PROBLEM WITH GOLF?

IT'S A GAME FOR WUSSIES.

THERE'S NO DAMN CONTACT.

OH, WAIT. I GOT AN IDEA.

LET'S PLAY ONE-ON-ONE,

AND I'LL DEFEND THE HOLE.

YOU GOT HELMETS AND PADS.

YOU GOT CLUBS FLYIN' AROUND.

THROW IN SOME BODY-CHECKING.

YOU GOT YOURSELF A GAME. WHAT DO YOU SAY?

GOOD GOD.

WELL, IT WAS JUST AN IDEA.

AAH!

[HONK]

HA HA!

WHOA! HA HA!

I'VE BEEN LOOKING FOR YOU TODAY.

THAT'S AN IMPRESSIVE SEARCH PARTY YOU HAVE.

HA!

CYNTHIA.

I DIDN'T EVEN SEE YOU.

HOW ARE YOU?

DO YOU MIND? YOU'RE BLOCKING MY SUN.

YOUR SUN?

I'M DOING YOU A FAVOR.

YOUR FACE IS GOING TO LOOK LIKE

AN ALLIGATOR BAG.

OH, REALLY.

AAH!

I HOPE YOU BROUGHT YOUR WOODEN SHOES.

LOOKS GOOD, DON'T IT?

DOESN'T IT LOOK GREAT?

WE HAD A TIME FINDING THESE GIANT TULIPS.

YOU KNOCK IT THROUGH

THAT LITTLE DOOR THERE.

HARD AS HELL.

[BELL RINGS]

ALL RIGHT!

I'M ON MY GAME TODAY.

GIVE IT A TRY.

HEY, KATE!

HE'S THRILLED WITH THE JOKE

HE'S MADE OUT OF OUR CLUB.

NOW, MIFFY, I DOUBT KATE WANTS TO HEAR

OUR UNVARNISHED OPINION ON THE SUBJECT.

YOU DON'T HAVE TO VARNISH IT

FOR ME, TODD.

I STOPPED APOLOGIZING FOR MY DAD LONG AGO.

I ADMIRE THAT, KATE.

HEY, THAT'S A PRETTY GIRL OVER THERE, HUH?

YES, IT IS.

BET YOU'D LIKE TO GET HER AFTER DARK.

IF I'VE GOT YOUR PERMISSION.

WHAT'S YOUR JOB? DO YOU REMEMBER YOUR JOB?

YOU'RE A LIFEGUARD.

I DIDN'T HIRE YOU

TO WATCH MY DAUGHTER.

YOU GOT THAT?

EVERY LIFE AROUND THIS POOL

IS YOUR RESPONSIBILITY.

REPEAT AFTER ME.

EVERY SINGLE...

EVERY SINGLE...

YOU'RE TOO FAST.

EVERY SINGLE LIFE AROUND THIS POOL

IS YOUR RESPONSIBILITY.

EVERY LIFE!

YOU GOT THAT?

EVERY SINGLE LIFE!

EXCEPT THAT SON OF A BITCH.

GIRLS, NOW YOU'LL SEE SOME SLIDING.

GET THAT BASTARD.

AAH!

HEY!

MIFFY!

WATCH THIS.

LOOK OUT BELOW.

YEAH!

HOT! HOT!

HOT! HOT!

HE'S SUCH A SHOWOFF.

OH! OH!

OH, BOY!

OH, BOY!

THAT'S HOT!

OH, THAT'S--

OW, MY ASS!

OH, OH!

PICK HIM UP! PICK HIM UP!

COME ON, SHOOT!

COME ON, SHOOT!

SHOOT.

COME ON.

WOULD YOU MOVE?

OH, SORRY.

GO AHEAD.

COME ON, YOU GOT IT.

[WHISTLING]

SO HE STEALS THE PUCK!

IT'S OFF THE ICE.

HA!

HE SHOOTS!

HE SCORES!

YEAH!

THIS IS SOME DAMN SPORT, EH, BOYS?

I'VE HAD ENOUGH.

LET'S GO ANOTHER 18. WHAT DO YOU SAY?

[HORN HONKS]

CHANDLER YOUNG?

YES?

OUR MUTUAL FRIEND SAID TO MEET HERE.

CAPTAIN TOM EVERETT, UNITED STATES MARINE CORPS.

COMPANY A, RETIRED.

I WASN'T EXPECTING THIS TYPE OF VEHICLE.

WELL, THINK ABOUT IT.

YOUR OBJECTIVE IS TO SURVEIL A TARGET

OPERATING IN THE CONSTRUCTION BUSINESS.

WHAT'S BETTER THAN A BARF WAGON?

HA HA!

ORDER SOMETHING.

I'M REALLY NOT THAT HUNGRY.

TYPICAL.

MIGHT I REMIND YOU

THAT SACRIFICE IS THE KEY TO THE SURVIVAL

OF YOUR COUNTRY,

OR IN THIS CASE, YOUR COUNTRY CLUB?

A CHEESE SANDWICH.

DON'T HAVE IT.

I'LL HAVE TUNA ON WHOLE-WHEAT.

DON'T HAVE IT.

NO.

I THINK YOU'LL BE ORDERING NUMBER SIX--

FIESTA BURRITO WITH CHILI AND EGGS.

JUST EXACTLY WHAT IS YOUR MILITARY BACKGROUND?

OH, WELL, I HAD 15 YEARS IN.

COVERT STUFF, MAINLY.

RECON, LERPS, SPECIAL OPS.

MOST OF THE DETAILS

OF MY ASSIGNMENTS

ARE STILL CLASSIFIED,

SO I CAN'T GO INTO IT WITHOUT COMPROMISING FOREIGN POLICY.

IT WAS MAINLY DEMOLITION WORK OF AN INTERPERSONAL NATURE.

THEN THERE WAS THAT BUREAUCRATIC SNAFU IN 'NAM,

AND I ENDED UP IN A V.A. MENTAL FACILITY.

TYPICAL.

YES, SO TYPICAL.

I CAN ASSUME OUR FRIEND WILL BE DISCOURAGED

FROM ANY INVOLVEMENT WITH BUSHWOOD COUNTRY CLUB?

ARE WE TALKING DISCOURAGED WITH EXTREME PREJUDICE?

WE ALREADY TRIED EXTREME PREJUDICE. IT DIDN'T WORK.

NO, NO, NO.

DO YOU WANT HIM TERMINATED?

THE LESS I KNOW, THE BETTER.

GOOD.

THAT'S MY POLICY.

WHEN WE'RE CAPTURED, AND THEY PUT

THE 12-VOLT CAR BATTERY TO OUR TESTICLES--

WHICH CAN, DOES, AND HAS HAPPENED--

[ELECTRIC CRACKLING]

WE CAN HONESTLY SAY WE'RE IGNORANT.

SHOULD WE SWEAR A BLOOD OATH ON IT OR SOMETHING?

I DON'T THINK THAT WILL BE NECESSARY, CAPTAIN.

OK.

FROM NOW ON, IN FUTURE COMMUNICATIONS,

YOU WILL REFER TO ME AS MR. SANDERSON,

AND I WILL REFER TO YOU AS MRS. ESTERHOUSE.

FINE.

WELL, I GUESS THAT'S IT, THEN.

OH, MR. SANDERSON.

GOOD-BYE, MRS. ESTERHOUSE.

[TURNS ON BLOW DRIER]

[RING]

MY GOD.

WHAT'S THE MATTER?

YOU LOOK STUNNING.

THANKS.

GIVE ME A MINUTE. I'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

JACK?

[SNIFF]

JACK, I'M IN THE KITCHEN!

JACKY?

I'M JUST FIXING SOMETHIN'.

OY!

[CRASH]

HUH?

[RING]

JACK?

JACK, SHALL I GET THAT?

WHAT ARE YOU DOING OUT THERE?

I WANTED TO SEE HOW IT'D FEEL

TO COME HOME TO YOU EVERY NIGHT.

OH, HOW SWEET.

NOW, WHAT WERE YOU REALLY UP TO?

WHO, ME? NOTHING.

NOTHING.

I JUST WANTED TO GIVE YOU A PRESENT.

HELLO.

[SNIFF]

WHAT'S THIS? WHERE ARE YOU GOING?

I'M GOING TO STAY AT MIFFY'S.

MIFFY'S? WHY?

BECAUSE I CAN'T LIVE WITH YOU ANYMORE.

LIVE WITH ME? WHAT HAPPENED?

YOU DON'T CARE ABOUT ME.

IT'S WHAT YOU DID TO BUSHWOOD.

I MADE IT A FUN PLACE.

YOU TOOK A BEAUTIFUL COUNTRY CLUB

AND TURNED IT INTO CONEY ISLAND.

IT WAS PERFECT THE WAY IT WAS,

BUT YOU COULDN'T STAND THAT.

YOU HAD TO MAKE IT CHEAP AND COMMON.

YOU SOUND JUST LIKE ONE OF THEM.

DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND?

I WANT TO BE ONE OF THEM.

YOU WANT TO BE ONE? THEN BE ONE OF THEM.

YOU GOT NO FAMILY ANYMORE. YOU'RE ONE OF THEM.

THAT'S FINE WITH ME.

FINE WITH YOU, FINE WITH THEM,

THEN IT'S FINE WITH ME.

GO AHEAD, AND DON'T COME BACK HERE.

LITTLE BIT HARD ON HER, WEREN'T YOU, JACK?

I WORKED LIKE A DOG SO SHE SHOULD HAVE EVERYTHING.

WHAT DO YOU THINK HAPPENS?

SHE TALKS TO ME LIKE THAT?

ALL KIDS GO THROUGH THAT.

THEY'RE EMBARRASSED ABOUT THEIR PARENTS

OR WANT TO BE SOMEONE ELSE.

I HOPE YOU'RE RIGHT.

JUST GIVE HER A CHANCE. SHE'LL BE FINE.

AH...

EVERYTHING IS PERFECT.

IT'S A PERFECT MESS, THAT'S WHAT IT IS.

MY DAUGHTER WALKED OUT ON ME.

I THOUGHT I WAS DOING RIGHT. I WAS WRONG.

I THINK I'M ON TOP, I'M AT THE BOTTOM.

MY DAUGHTER IS RIGHT.

NO MATTER HOW RICH I GET,

I'M A FILTHY, VULGAR, DISGUSTING PERSON.

THAT'S WHAT I AM.

I'M TRASH, FILTH, DIRT.

I'M GARBAGE, THE SCUM OF THE EARTH.

I'M THE SCUM OF THE EARTH!

YOU COULD CONTRADICT ME, YOU KNOW.

HMM? NO, NO ARGUMENT HERE.

I MAKE IT A POINT NEVER TO INTERFERE

IN PEOPLE'S RELATIONSHIPS, JACK.

YOU KNOW, THERE'S NO MYSTERY

TO DEALING WITH WOMEN.

WOMEN ARE JUST HUMAN BEINGS LIKE YOU AND ME.

THEY'RE FRAGILE.

THEY'RE SENSITIVE.

THEY'RE RESPONSIVE TO KINDNESS

AND WARMTH AND HONESTY.

THEY JUST HAVE TO BE TREATED THAT WAY, THAT'S ALL.

LET ME SHOW YOU WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT.

AH!

VERY FUNNY.

HI.

I'M TY WEBB.

WE WERE NOTICING YOU AT THE BAR.

WANT TO PLAY TRAP THE CLAM?

DIP THE DONKEY?

EXCUSE ME.

SPANK THE PUPPY?

UH!

SWALLOW THE SWAN?

I HAVE TO FEED THE METER.

I'LL HELP YOU.

MOW THE LAWN?

RUFF!

POP THE WEASEL?

WELL, WE'RE FINALLY ALONE.

I KNOW.

HAVE YOU EVER SEEN A CRISP $50 BILL?

OH...

UH-HUH.

JACK. JUST THE MAN I WAS LOOKING FOR.

I SPOKE TO MY FRIENDS AT THE PLANNING COMMISSION.

IT WOULD BE A MIRACLE

IF YOU EVER GOT ANOTHER BUILDING PERMIT.

YOU'RE ALL ON THE TAKE!

WHERE YOU'RE TAKIN' IT,

I DON'T WANT TO KNOW.

YOU MIGHT BE INTERESTED IN SELLING

YOUR BUSHWOOD STOCK AT A LOSS.

I'M TIRED OF YOU AND YOUR BULLSHIT!

YOU'RE NOT BUYING ME OUT. I'M BUYING YOU OUT.

YOU'RE CRAZY IF YOU THINK WE'LL SELL!

WHY DON'T WE ALL FLIP FOR IT?

CALL IT IN THE AIR.

I'M TAKIN' OVER.

WHO HAD HEADS? I'M GOING TO FLIP AGAIN.

HERE WE GO.

IT'S TAILS.

LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING...

[BEEPING]

YOU GOT A FIGHT.

ONE WORD AND I'LL KILL YOU.

CLOWN.

THAT'S NOT IT.

BARBARIAN.

THAT'S NOT IT.

COWARD!

THAT WAS THE WORD! THAT WAS THE WORD!

BREAK IT UP! BREAK IT UP!

SETTLE THIS LIKE GENTLEMEN, ON THE GOLF COURSE.

18 HOLES, PARTNERS.

GREAT IDEA.

YOU WIN, YOU GET YOUR CLUB.

HE WINS, HE KEEPS IT AND THOSE APARTMENTS.

YOU'RE ON.

IT'S ON MY COURSE.

NO TRICK CLUBS.

WHO NEEDS THEM? YOU AND YOUR SON ARE FINISHED.

OUT OF MY WAY!

HEY.

TODD, GO OUT AND GET A NICE TIE.

YOU LOOK LIKE A PEE-WEE HERMAN DOLL.

UH.

OH!

LOOK HOW UNCOORDINATED HE IS. HE CAN'T DRIVE.

CAN YOU IMAGINE HIM BEATING ME AT GOLF?

[BEEP]

YOU'RE NOT THE GREATEST GOLFER YOURSELF.

EVEN WITH ME AS YOUR PARTNER, THERE'S A RISK.

TAKE MY WORD.

THE RISK HAS BEEN ELIMINATED.

[BEEP BEEP]

THAT'S MY CAR!

PFFT...

PLACE YOURSELF IN MY HANDS.

OK? TRUST ME.

RELAX. THAT'S GOOD. COME ON, RELAX.

ALL RIGHT.

BEND YOUR KNEES JUST A TOUCH.

SPREAD YOUR LEGS A BIT.

SHOULD I LEAVE YOU ALONE?

THAT'S NOT FUNNY.

OK. LET'S SEE THAT GRIP.

NO, JACK.

JACK.

TERRY.

HARRY.

YOU'RE HIS PARTNER?

YES. 50-50, RIGHT?

I DON'T LIKE YOU THAT MUCH. 90-20.

SWING NICE AND EASY.

HIT ONE DOWN THE FAIRWAY.

JUST WANT TO SEE HOW YOU HIT IT.

TAKE YOUR TIME. HIT IT NICE AND EASY.

RIGHT DOWN THE FAIRWAY.

RELAX. SWING EASY.

DON'T BE AFRAID. ANYTIME.

GIVE IT A GOOD HIT

RIGHT DOWN THE FAIRWAY.

FELLAS?

HOLD IT.

YOU'RE PICKIN' YOUR HEAD UP...

[CRACK]

BEFORE YOU HIT.

KEEP YOUR LEFT ELBOW STRAIGHT.

USE BOTH HANDS.

JUST BEND YOUR KNEES A LITTLE BIT MORE.

THAT'S IT. JUST LIKE THAT.

IT'S QUITE SIMPLE.

KEVIN.

HARRY.

YOU'RE CONFUSING THE MAN. IT'S SIMPLE.

GET RID OF ALL THIS STUFF.

YOU WANT TO CLEAR YOUR MIND.

OK. WATCH ME.

TAKE A DEEP BREATH.

CLOSE YOUR EYES.

JUST BE THE BALL.

BE THE BALL.

BE THE BALL.

BE THE BALL.

NA NA NA NA...

NA NA NA NA...

NA NA NA NA...

NA NA NA NA...

BE THE BALL.

BE THE BALL.

BE THE BALL.

NO, NO, NO.

NA NA NA NA...

NA NA NA NA...

NO, NO, NO.

NA NA NA NA...

NO, NO, NO, JACK, JACK, JACK!

YOU'RE NOT BEING THE BALL. BE THE BALL.

YOU BE THE BALL.

IF I WANTED TO BE SPORTS EQUIPMENT,

I'D BE A LADIES' BICYCLE SEAT.

I'LL TELL YOU WHAT.

THE PROBLEM IS CONCENTRATION.

WHY DON'T WE TRY IT BLINDFOLDED?

WHY NOT?

LET'S TRY THAT.

JACK, THE SPIRITUAL APPROACH JUST DIDN'T WORK.

THIS IS THE LATEST BIOMECHANIC, ERGONOMIC,

KINESTHETIC, STATE OF THE ART TEACHING TECHNIQUE.

I THINK YOU'LL LIKE IT.

GET RID OF THAT WICKED SLICE.

LET'S TRY IT.

OK. LET'S TRY ONE.

IT'S GETTING BETTER.

AH!

PERFECT.

GOOD MORNING, MRS. ESTERHOUSE.

DON'T "MRS. ESTERHOUSE" ME, YOU IDIOT.

YOU BLEW UP MY ROLLS ROYCE!

IN MY LINE OF WORK,

IT'S THE DETAILS THAT KILL YOU.

MAKE SURE THERE AREN'T ANY SCREW-UPS.

I DON'T INTEND TO LOSE THIS GOLF MATCH.

HA HA...HA HA!

YOU WON'T.

OK.

THESE ARE SIX MERCURY-FILLED,

STEEL-JACKETED DUMDUM GOLF BALLS.

FEEL THE WEIGHT ON THIS LITTLE SWEETIE.

THIS IS A HIGH TENSILE STRENGTH TITANIUM DRIVER,

WHICH IN THE HANDS OF A PROPERLY TRAINED PROFESSIONAL

WILL DEFINITELY REDEFINE THE TERM HANDICAP.

GO AHEAD. LOOK IN THE EYEPIECE.

GO AHEAD. FEEL FREE.

YOU SEE A WATERMELON HANGING FROM THOSE GALLOWS?

YES.

LET'S JUST SAY THAT THAT WATERMELON

REPRESENTS THE HEAD OF YOUR PROBLEM.

OK.

NOW, SIR, IF YOU WOULD, PLEASE...

KEEP YOUR EYE ON THE FRUIT.

KEEP YOUR EYE ON THE FRUIT.

KEEP YOUR EYE ON THE FRUIT.

GOOD.

GOOD?

GOOD?

IT'S BETTER THAN GOOD. IT'S GONE.

I WANT TO BE VERY CLEAR ABOUT THIS.

FOLLOW THE MATCH. STAY OUT OF SIGHT.

DO NOTHING UNLESS YOU GET A SIGNAL FROM ME.

SHOULD MY OPPONENT START TO WIN,

I WILL TIP MY CAP.

SPEAKING OF TIPPING, THERE IS STILL MY FEE.

I'D LIKE IT DEPOSITED THERE, PLEASE.

WHAT'S THIS? SWISS BANK ACCOUNT?

IT'S THE COMBINATION OF MY BUS STATION LOCKER.

HOW ELEGANT.

I HOPE THIS IS OUR LAST MEETING, MR. SANDERSON.

MY SENTIMENTS EXACTLY, MRS. ESTERHOUSE.

[FANFARE PLAYS]

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, LET'S GET READY TO RUMBLE.

GENTLEMEN, THESE ARE THE RULES OF THE MATCH.

IT'S A SCOTCH TWOSOME.

EACH PARTNER HITS THE OTHER PARTNER'S BALL.

THIS IS A LITTLE BIT LIKE TAG TEAM WRESTLING.

ONLY YOU CAN'T DO THIS...

NONE OF THIS...

OR THIS.

NOW, FEWEST STROKES WINS THE HOLE.

MOST HOLES WINS THE MATCH.

AUSTRALIAN WINTER RULES.

IMPROVE YOUR LIE IN THE ROUGH

IF YOU CAN ROUGHLY PROVE YOU'RE NOT LYING.

GET YOUR BALL IN THE WATER

IF IT'S BEEN 45 MINUTES SINCE YOU LAST ATE.

THE PLAYER WITH THE LARGEST SHOES HAS THE HONOR.

ANYBODY BEAT A 12-D?

I CAN, BUT I'M OUT OF THIS.

I GUESS YOU'RE UP.

MAY THE BEST MEN WIN.

IF THAT DOESN'T HAPPEN, I HOPE JACK AND HARRY WIN.

WISH I COULD STAY, BUT I GOT A THING.

BYE.

COME ON, HARRY.

STRAIGHTEN UP.

YAY!

WOO!

YOU'RE THE KIND OF PARTNER TO HAVE.

READY.

THESE CLUBS ARE TERRIBLE!

ALL RIGHT.

I KNOW, I KNOW. BE THE BALL.

BE THE BALL.

SWING FOR THE FENCES!

IT'S SLICING!

STAY OUT OF THE WOODS!

HA HA HA!

STAY OUT OF THE WOODS!

WAIT A MINUTE! LOOK OUT!

AAH!

HA HA HA!

MMM...MMM...

UH-OH. THERE'S MY OBJECTIVE.

HE'S NO THREAT.

NICE DUDS, THOUGH.

SURE HATE TO MESS 'EM UP.

THIS IS GOING TO BE AN EASY ONE.

ONE QUICK STROKE, I'LL BOUNCE HIM

AND BE OUT OF HERE BY SUNDOWN.

EASIEST MONEY I EVER MADE.

HOW THE HELL AM I SUPPOSED TO CONCENTRATE

WITH SMURF LIKE THAT WALKING AROUND?

YOU DID THAT ON PURPOSE.

NAUGHTY! NAUGHTY!

I MAY HAVE TO PUT YOU IN THE DUCK SUIT.

AHA!

HEY! HEY!

WHO THE HELL FOUND YOU?

YOU LITTLE SUBVERSIVE VERMIN!

AH! OH!

RRR...RRR...

WOO! WOO! WOO!

LEGAL MATTER, COMING THROUGH.

YOU GETTIN' THE SHIT KICKED OUT OF YOU?

HA HA HA HA HA!

HEY, JACK, HOW'S IT GOING?

TERRIBLE. I HAVE TO GO TO THE BATHROOM.

NO, I MEAN THE GAME.

AH, WE'RE LOSING. THEY'RE SIX HOLES AHEAD.

I WAS STARTING TO GET USED TO COUNTRY CLUB LIFE.

WHAT DO YOU SAY WE TRY SOMETHING DIFFERENT?

BUT THE GREEN IS OVER THERE.

YOU HAVE THE WORST SLICE IN THE HISTORY OF GOLF.

MIGHT AS WELL GO WITH IT.

LOOK OUT! LOOK OUT!

HA HA!

SEE THAT?

THANK YOU. THANK YOU.

AND I THOUGHT THIS WAS A HARD GAME.

UH-OH.

I GOT YOU NOW, YOU LITTLE FURRY FREAK.

YOU'RE NOT GOING TO GET AWAY FROM ME.

I KNOW YOU'RE IN THERE.

OH! TWINKIE!

HE'S CLOSE.

YOU'RE CLOSE, AREN'T YOU?

JUST A FEW FEET AWAY MOCKING ME.

AIN'T A GOPHER ALIVE THAT'S A MATCH FOR AN EX-MARINE.

COME ON! COME ON!

YAY!

WHAT'S GOING ON?

YOU WERE UP SEVEN HOLES.

HE'S WON THE LAST SIX.

HE CAN'T WIN IF HE DOESN'T FINISH.

YAAH!

AAH!

OH! AH! OH!

YEOW!

[SPEAKING ITALIAN]

HARRY, HI.

YOUR DAD WILL BE HAPPY TO SEE YOU.

HOW'S THE MATCH GOING?

IT'S ALL TIED UP WITH THIS LAST HOLE TO GO.

CAN YOU WIN?

WE GOT THE MOMENTUM.

YEAH, YEAH, I THINK WE'LL WIN.

OK, LITTLE GOPHER.

HEY...

[WHISTLES]

IT'S YOUR FRIEND TOM.

I GOT JUNK FOOD.

EVERYBODY LOVES MASS-PRODUCED

CREAM-FILLED PASTRIES.

THEY'RE GOOD.

I WAS JUST TRYING

TO GET YOUR ATTENTION BEFORE.

COME ON.

MMM...

THEY'RE GOOD.

AH?

VERY SUBTLE, MRS. ESTERHOUSE.

I READ YOU LOUD AND CLEAR.

WAA!

THAT HURTS.

I THINK IT WAS A BIG MISTAKE

TIPPING THAT ARROWHEAD WITH POISON.

* DA DA DOO DOO **

DON'T HIT IT LONG.

GOT YOU.

DON'T HIT IT SHORT.

OK.

IT'S BETTER RIGHT IN THE MIDDLE.

HIT IT LONG, BUT LET IT GO SHORT.

WELL, IT'S NOT LONG.

BUT IT'S SHORT.

EXCUSE ME. EXCUSE ME. EXCUSE ME.

YOU...

HA HA HA!

COME ON. COME ON. HIT ME.

COME ON. HIT ME!

HA HA HA!

EH, WHAT'S UP, DOC?

BEEP BEEP! BEEP BEEP!

COME ON. COME ON.

FABULOUS!

SEEMS THAT CREAM ALWAYS RISES TO THE TOP, DOESN'T IT, BAG BOY?

ONCE WE WIN, THIS PLACE WILL BE BACK TO NORMAL.

KATE, WE MIGHT MAKE IT

IN TIME FOR BUNNY SKYLER'S BRUNCH.

WOULD YOU EXCUSE ME?

KATIE, I'VE DECIDED THAT YOU MUST JOIN MY SORORITY.

THE KAPPAS WILL LOVE YOU.

THERE'S ONLY ONE THING.

WOULD YOU CONSIDER CHANGING YOUR NAME?

I WAS THINKING OF TAKING OUT THE "OUNIAN"

AND SHORTENING IT TO KATE HART.

ISN'T THAT GREAT?

WHAT IS WRONG WITH MY REAL NAME?

NOTHING. IT'S JUST THAT IT SOUNDS SO...

SO WHAT?

KATE, YOU WANT PEOPLE TO THINK THAT YOU BELONG.

I DO BELONG... TO A FAMILY.

WELL, IF YOU WANT MY HONEST OPINION, KATE,

I THINK THAT YOUR FAMILY'S REALLY EMBARRASSING.

I'M REALLY HAPPY I'M NOT PART OF IT.

YEAH. SO AM I.

WHAT?

MIFFY, YOU'RE A STUPID, SUPERFICIAL, SNOTTY LITTLE BITCH.

OH, REALLY. REALLY, KATE.

OH, AH...WHATEVER.

WHATEV--OW! OW!

UNH!

UH! AH!

WELL, JACK, I GUESS IT'S COME DOWN TO THIS.

WHOEVER SINKS THEIR PUTT WINS THE MATCH.

FRANKLY, I'M NOT WORRIED.

CHANDLER, COULD I TALK TO YOU FOR A MOMENT?

LOOK. I DON'T KNOW MUCH ABOUT GOLF,

BUT I DO KNOW THE DIFFERENCE

BETWEEN A 50-FOOT PUTT AND A 2-FOOT PUTT.

IT'S ALWAYS BEEN MY EXPERIENCE

TO GO WITH THE GUY CLOSER TO THE HOLE.

YOU'RE MY KIND OF GUY.

CAN I GIVE YOU A LITTLE FRIENDLY ADVICE?

ALL RIGHT.

HAVE YOU EVER TRIED PUTTING WITH A WEDGIE?

A WEDGIE?

ALL THE PROS ARE DOING IT.

WOULD YOU LIKE ME TO SHOW YOU?

YEAH.

TAKE YOUR NORMAL PUTTING STANCE.

JUST LIKE THAT.

YOU NEVER PUTTED WITH A WEDGIE?

NO.

YOU JUST TAKE YOUR STANCE,

AND THIS IS A WEDGIE.

AH! AH!

TRY PUTTIN' WITH THAT CRAMMED UP YOUR CRACK!

POP.

POP.

I JUST WANTED TO SAY

THAT WHETHER OR NOT YOU SINK THIS PUTT,

I LOVE YOU.

I'M REALLY SORRY I'VE BEEN ACTING LIKE SUCH A JERK.

I GUESS THAT'S WHAT I GET

FOR HANGING AROUND A BUNCH OF FUNZANOONS.

YOU THINK YOU COULD WALK OUT,

COME BACK WHENEVER YOU WANT,

PUT YOUR ARMS AROUND ME,

TELL ME "I LOVE YOU,"

AND I'LL FORGET EVERYTHING?

YEAH. THAT'S THE GENERAL IDEA.

YOU'RE RIGHT.

AH...

OOH...

BBB...

OH. OH.

AHA.

SINK YOUR PUTT.

NOW. DO IT NOW. NOW!

NOW! NOW!

YOU CAN DO IT!

DO IT!

NOW! DO IT NOW!

DO IT!

AH!

NA NA NA NA...

NA NA NA...

NA NA NA NA NA...

NA NA NA NA NA...

NA NA NA NA NA...

NA NA NA NA NA...

NA NA NA NA NA...

NA NA NA NA!

YAY!YAY!

YAY!

HA HA HA!

NO!

HE STILL MIGHT SINK HIS PUTT.

WE WOULD TIE.

FATHER, A WORD.

THIS PUTT IS VERY SIMPLE

AND VERY STRAIGHT.

JUST TAP IT.

TAP IT.

JUST TAP IT.

A TINY, TINY TAP.

TINY TAP.

A TINY, TINY, TINY TAP.

HELLO!

AH!

OH...

LOST BALL, WOULDN'T YOU SAY?

WE WIN! YOU LOSE!

HEY, CHANDLER, NICE TOUCH.

EXCUSE ME, MR. SOMETHING.

MIGHT I TROUBLE YOU FOR A SCALPEL

OR SOME FORCEPS

OR MAYBE EVEN A PAIR OF PLIERS?

I HAD A LITTLE TROUBLE GETTING OUT OF THE ROUGHS.

DAMN IF I DIDN'T ACCIDENTALLY SHOOT MYSELF

WITH A POISON-TIPPED CROSSBOW DART.

IF I PULL THE ARROW OUT,

WILL YOU PLEASE SUCK OUT THE POISON FOR ME?

LET ME GET THIS STRAIGHT.

YOU PULL IT OUT, I SUCK.

IS THERE ANY MONEY IN IT FOR ME?

OH, TOUGH COURSE.

IT WAS A TINY TAP.

LOOK AT YOU. YOU BURNED YOUR SWEATER.

HA HA HA HA!

HOW COULD YOU MARRY A MAN WITH A TERRIBLE SHORT GAME?

OH, SHUT UP, MARY FRANCIS--

SPOILED, SNOTTY, SUPERFICIAL LITTLE BITCH.

WHAT?

TODD. TODD. OH, DRAT.

I GUESS THIS MEANS YOU WON'T BE GOING

TO BUNNY SKYLER'S BRUNCH.

OH...

[CRASH]

BBB...YEAH.

OH.

AW.

MMM...

YEAH.

OH. HUH.

WOW!

HEY, BABY.

YE-YE-YI!

OH.

MMM...YEAH.

CHA CHA CHA.

* HAVE YOU BEEN THINKIN' *

* NOTHIN' EVER CHANGES? *

* CAN'T FIGHT THE FEELIN' *

* WHEN YOU KNOW IT'S RIGHT *

* OH, I JUST WANT TO SEE YOU SMILE *

* NO RUNNING AWAY FROM LOVE *

* TURN ON *

* TURN ON THE BEAT BOX *

* BABY, WE'RE WALKIN' ON THE PARTY LINE *

* CRANK IT UP *

* AND LET THE MUSIC *

* TURN EVERY NIGHT INTO A SATURDAY NIGHT *

* WHENEVER YOU'RE READY *

* WE'LL BE ROCKIN' STEADY *

* YOU'RE GONNA GET LUCKY *

* LEAVIN' IT ALL BEHIND *

* TIME'S TICKIN' AWAY *

* IT'S ANOTHER SATURDAY *

* SO IT'S TIME TO PLAY *

* OUT ON THE PARTY LINE *

* OH, I JUST WANT TO SEE YOU SMILE *

* FORGET ABOUT YESTERDAY *

* ALL RIGHT *

* NOTHING CAN STOP YOU NOW *

* NO RUNNING AWAY FROM LOVE *

* TURN ON *

* TURN ON THE BEAT BOX *

* BABY, WE'RE WALKIN' ON THE PARTY LINE *

* CRANK IT UP *

* AND LET THE MUSIC *

* TURN EVERY NIGHT INTO A SATURDAY NIGHT *

* IT'S ALL RIGHT *

* TURN ON YOUR BEAT BOX *

* BABE, ARE YOU READY FOR A GOOD TIME? *

* SO COME ON *

* MOVE WITH THE FEELING *

* EVERY NIGHT IS A SATURDAY NIGHT *

* TURN ON *

* TURN ON *

* TURN ON THE BEAT BOX *

* BABY, WE'RE WALKIN' ON THE PARTY LINE *

* CRANK IT UP *

* AND LET THE MUSIC *

* TURN EVERY NIGHT INTO A SATURDAY NIGHT *

* IT'S ALL RIGHT **

CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY WARNER BROS., INC.

CAPTIONING PERFORMED BY THE NATIONAL CAPTIONING INSTITUTE, INC.

CAPTIONS COPYRIGHT 1988 WARNER BROS., INC.

* I KNOW YOU THINK *

* I'M NO MATCH FOR YOU, BABY *

* TAKIN' IT SLOW *

* IT'S TOO MUCH FOR ME TO ANALYZE *

* STILL ALL RIGHT *

* HEADIN' INTO THE RHYTHM OF A SUMMER NIGHT *

* THE WINDS OF WILD INSANITY *

* BLOW WITH ME TONIGHT *

* SADDLE UP ALL YOU COWBOYS *

* GONNA RIDE, I'M GONNA RIDE *

* I'M GOIN' ALL THE WAY *

* SOONER OR LATER, GOTTA LOVE SOMEBODY *

* DON'T CARE HOW LONG IT TAKES *

* YOU CAN TURN UP THE HEAT *

* BUT I'M PLAYIN' IT COOL *

* I KNOW IT'S HARD TO BELIEVE *

* I AIN'T NOBODY'S FOOL *

* I'M GOIN' ALL THE WAY *

* OH, YEAH *

* YEAH *

* I'M GOIN' ALL THE WAY *

* I'M NOBODY'S FOOL *

* NOBODY'S FOOL *

* DON'T CARE HOW LONG IT TAKES... **