All language subtitles for Mike Lindell & MyStore： Last Week Tonight with John Oliver (Web Exclusive) [W3V1oswZM-o]

Hi there, Internet.

I am John Oliver, host of Last Week
Tonight, the only TV show that doesn't

it's a podcast yet.

We are off this week, but I'm here
because I wanted to talk to you about

MyStore, the online marketplace started
by Deep Breath, recovering addicts

turned pillow magnates, turned Trump
acolytes, turned election -denying

conspiracy theorists, turned TV mogul
Mike Lindell, which, before we go any

further, is simply too many things for
one person to be.

I am, on my best day, three things, and
that's only if we allow that one of

those things is tired.

You are probably familiar with Mike
Lindell's MyPillow, but a few years ago,

expanded his empire, making this
announcement.

Nowadays, it's harder than ever to be an
entrepreneur and make USA products.

That's why I launched MyStore .com.

MyStore .com is an online marketplace
with thousands of incredible products

are personally vetted by my team.

Yeah, my store is basically Mike
Lindell's Amazon .com, despite the fact

looks like the website that fills your
parents' computer with viruses.

If you haven't visited my store before,
first, I get it. Honestly, I hadn't

until we stumbled across it while
working on a piece about how Lindell was

sued by a former employee of Dominion
Voting Systems for defamation. Sadly, we

didn't have time to talk about my store
back then, but we do now because this is

the internet where time doesn't exist
and no one can die.

Now...

Much of my store is exactly what you'd
expect. There's Lindell's flagship

MyPillows and its brand extensions like
MyCoffee and MyCross, a necklace that's

currently 50 % off with a promo code,
meaning it costs roughly holy shit,

is down from its normal price of go fuck
yourself.

But there's also lots of other products
that Lindell doesn't make, but which

have been, in his own words, vetted by
his team. They're not necessarily

exclusive to my store, but he's curated
them.

With a careful eye. Products like Make
Honey Great Again. Basically a honey

bear, but with Trump's face. Now
normally, a 16 -ounce jar of honey in a

costs between $5 and $12.

But for just $22, which is in many ways
more than $5 and $12,

you can get it in a bottle shaped like
our own smiling president. But furious

honey is just the beginning here. My
store also features a bunch of

medicine adjacent products like this.

Stay Well Copper thing, that's
apparently the all -natural solution to

bacteria, and whose creator even made a
special video for my store.

I've become pretty crazy about finding
an all -natural, chemical -free way to

kill germs. I created Stay Well Copper,
which is antimicrobial copper made in

the USA.

It goes on the things we touch the most,
like our germy cell phones.

Our mission is to keep you healthy in
this germ -filled time, so be well and

stay well.

Okay, you two, bye -bye now.

Now, as you can see...

Her product is basically a piece of
copper that you stick on your phone to

phone germs away. And it comes with a
touch tool, basically a tube of copper,

keep other germs away. And while the
fine print on the site says it's to be

in addition to hand washing, other
images on it, like this one of someone

rolling the tube on her hands with the
text, roll between hands and fingers to

sanitise hands any time, or this one
that says, roll between hands and

to kill 99 .97 % of germs.

seem to have grabbed people's attention
more, given customer testimonials like

this one from Paddington that says, the
copper germ stopper looks like a pencil,

although is much more.

If I feel a sore throat coming, I suck
on the stopper and voila!

Sore throat is gone, which, oh no,
Paddington, no!

Sore throat very much not gone. In fact,
I worry, sore throat coming,

Paddington!

Sore throat on its way!

But that is just the beginning of the
product my store offers. There's also

nautical twist utility hook, which
really delivers on the hook promise

even sniffing at giving us something
nautical. They also have incognitos,

extinguishers with uniquely designed
decorative covers. And who wouldn't want

that?

Everyone knows when your kitchen is on
fire, there's just nothing more calming

than figuring out which one of your
weird patent bottles

is actually life -saving. While we're in
the kitchen, they also sell something

called the Whacker Spoon. Would you like
to see it in action?

Of course you would. And luckily, they
have a dramatic video showing exactly

to use it.

That

video

is, and I promise you it's true, One
minute and 35 seconds left.

And I have to ask, given the expertly
styled nails of the person using the

Whackers food, did they hire a hand
model for that?

It's a question that mostly exists to
prompt the follow -up question, how does

someone who has to write meat whacking
video hand job only on their taxes

explain that what they did wasn't
actually porn?

Hi there.

I know.

I understand there's a product that's
got whack in the name.

And they're using it to beat me. You
have to believe me that I know it. And

think that I'm better than making that
joke. But the thing is, I'm not.

I'm only human. I didn't really want to
make that joke or even hint at it. But

some jokes are storms.

You can't get out of their way. You just
have to let them run their course.

You're standing on the shore watching
one off the coast heading straight for

you. And there's no maybe it won't hit
us. You're not going to argue with the

wind, are you?

Show me someone who says I'm too
sophisticated for a whack -a -spoon meat

-beating joke, and I'll show you someone
who debates storm clouds. I'll show you

a fool.

So, I'm sorry, but I am not sorry.

And I promise I will not do better in
the future.

Now, if you're thinking, John, before we
move on from the whack -a -spoon, I get

that it can be used on meat, but can it
be used on anything else?

I've got some incredible news for you.

Because it can.

Yes. I mean, how else are you possibly
going to crush a bag of nuts than with a

whack -a -spoon? It cannot be done.

Apparently, you can even use the whack
-a -spoon for things you wouldn't think

it would be remotely helpful for, like
this.

It's fantastic, and I do love that they
included other fruits there, because it

did answer my one question, which was,
we've seen what it does to a lemon, but

does it also not work for a lime?

My store also had you covered in case of
sudden injury, because it sells a

product called Bleed Stop, which
promises to stop bleeding instantly, and

that's not your speed, how about Bleed
Clot, which is basically bleed stop, but

horses. It's the perfect gift for one
person in America who, A, has lots of

indiscriminately bleeding,

B wants to do something about that and C
only trusts products backed by the most

high -profile grift victim who hasn't
realized he's being grifted yet. But the

thing I actually most want to talk about
tonight is actually, you know what? I

am sorry I'm still hung up on Bleed
Horse because I'm now obsessed with the

of person who buys this product from my
store. Honey, our horse is bleeding.

What should we do? Quick, go to the
MyPillowGuy store.

And see if he has anything for it. Are
you there? No, I'm quite obviously

googling divorce lawyers near me, you
soft -headed idiot.

Now, I will say, some of my store's
products raise more questions than

like the Extreme Bucket or the various
books that he hawks with titles like

That's My Apple, The Politically
Incorrect Jesus, and... The government

heaven. But I think the most inscrutable
product on sale at my store might be

the amazing temporary tooth replacement
kit complete with the incredible boast,

now with 25 % more.

More what?

Tooth? But my true, absolute favorite my
store product is an item that I'm not

even going to try and set up for you
because I cannot do any better than

Hello, I'm Glenn Seeker, creator of Mutt
Butts Dog Toys.

These patent -pending dog toys are
scented like a dog's backside, but thank

goodness humans can't smell them. In my
mind, I thought, why not make a toy

scented like a dog's backside?

That seemed like a natural idea, being
that dogs spend a lot of time sniffing

each other's butts.

Yeah, yeah, it is a natural idea. You're
completely right. And thank goodness

humans can't smell them. That would be
weird. But Glenn will have you know,

wasn't just guessing.

what a dog's butt smells like, and then
replicating it inside a plush toy. No,

no, no, no, no. Now, this involved a
serious commitment to the scientific

process. After about a year of research,
we were able to formulate synthetic

versions of the organic compounds found
in a dog's backside, and in an amount

that is safe for dogs of any weight.

Okay.

That's good.

I mean...

I suppose it's helpful that they
volunteered that information as when

a butthole -flavoured sack for my dog or
whatever, I'm not sure I'd have thought

to ask, my dog's a dachshund, is this
amount of stink medically lethal?

Although, you know, at the risk of
bringing everyone down, how did he

that scientific conclusion? Did he?

Thorough research process to ascertain
what is safe for dogs of any way to any

point involved a pile of dogs physically
knocked out by clinically dangerous

amounts of arsehole. I really hope not.
And I guess all of this really leads me

to the main question that you're
probably all asking right now, which is

Why did I do this?

That's a question that, for what it's
worth, I don't think was ever asked of

inventor of the meat beater, the non
-pencil, or butthole bag, but it is one

that I'm willing to answer nonetheless.

And in many ways, I think I did this for
no reason, but in some ways, I might

have done it for the greatest reason of
all, because for all of Mike Lindell's

many, many, many, many, many faults, he
is, at the end of the day, also...

Weirdly inspiring is the manifestation
of the American dream that someone can

overcome drug problems, pull himself up
by his bootstraps and undermine

confidence in a national election, all
while hawking some of the worst pillows

in the history of humanity.

And it is Lindell's tenacity that has
led to him building a truly insane store

that throws everything at the wall to
see what sticks. And if I could take

anything away...

From our experience of looking into my
store, I guess it would be two things.

One, Lindell's blind optimism that
drives him to take big swings.

And two, exactly $74 .95 back. Because
this, this right here,

just wasn't worth it.

I believe that I'm summing up both my
purchase and the experience of our

studio audience to say this was not
worth the effort. Except you know what?

I actually think this works. Someone get
me a fucking lime.

That is it. Thank you so much for
watching whatever this was.

We're back on September the 7th. See you
then. Goodbye.