Original subtitles

- See you later.

- Dennis?

- Yes, dad?

- Son, don't stay out too late.

You're having dinner early this evening.

- Oh boy.

Are we going some place?

- Your mother and I are going over

to the Martins' for dinner.

You're staying home as sort of man of the house.

- Maryann is going to sit with you, dear.

- You mean dumb old Margaret's sister.

- Now Dennis, we're very lucky to get a lovely girl like Maryann.

You know it's next to impossible to find a sitter for Saturday

night.

- Yeah, mom.

But if I'm going to be man of the house,

why do I need a dumb old sitter, anyway?

- I pass.

- Well, so you'll have someone to talk to, dear.

- Mom, sitters don't want to talk.

All they want to do is read, and tell you

ya aren't supposed to do what you're doing.

- Dennis, you're going to have a sitter tonight,

and that's that.

- Oh, OK.

Hey, I'll go ask Mr. Wilson if he

wants to come over and keep me company, too.

- Oh my goodness.

Look at the time. - What's your hurry, honey?

You've got almost two hours.

- Two hours?

It takes me practically that long for my bubble bath.

[theme music]

- Shame on you, Fremont.

How could you?

(SHOUTING) Martha!

Oh, Fremont, you're a bad dog, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad.

- What is it, George?

- Martha, I accidentally dropped my new, valuable, 1919 D

dime, and Fremont swallowed it.

- Are you sure?

- Of course I'm sue, Martha.

Look at him, sitting there, licking his chops.

Oh, you, you money snatcher, you.

- I do wish you had taken out an insurance

policy on your coin collection.

- Well now how was I to know my own dog would turn against me?

- Look.

- Huh? [gasp] Martha, my dime, my dime.

- You should apologize to Fremont.

- Oh, oh yes.

Oh, Fremont, I sincerely apologize.

Martha, we're friends again.

Thank you, honey bunch.

- Are you sure you don't mind my going

to the book club lecture tonight?

- Oh no, no.

Of course not.

As a matter of fact, I'm looking forward

to a quiet evening working on my coin collection.

DENNIS (OFFSCREEN): Hey, Mr. Wilson?

- Oh no.

Hi, Mr. Wilson.

Hi, Mrs. Wilson.

- Hi.

- Guess what?

Besides our sitter, I got our house all to myself tonight.

- Oh, well bully for you.

- Want to come over and watch television, or something?

- I don't want to come over and watch television or nothing.

- I bet Mrs. Wilson wouldn't mind getting you out of the house,

would you, Mrs. Wilson?

- Not at all, dear.

- You see there?

- Dennis, I'm going to be extremely busy this evening.

- Doing what?

Uh, having a nervous breakdown. [chuckling] Now

you go spread your sweetness and light someplace else.

- OK, bye Mr. Wilson.

Bye Mrs. Wilson.

- Goodbye dear.

- [chuckling] You know, Martha, I'm going to enjoy this evening

all the more because of Dennis.

- I don't understand.

- Well, if I get lonely or anything, all I have to do

is imagine how horrible it'd be if I

had to spend the evening with him. [laughing]

- Henry, I was just wondering if this red dress

might look better on me tonight.

- Oh, that'll be fine, honey.

- Hey dad, guess what?

- Dennis, what have you been told about running in the bathroom

while I'm shaving.

- Dear, your dinner's all ready for you.

It's down in the kitchen.

- I'm hungry!

- What's Seymour doing here?

- That's what I was going to tell you.

I'm babysitting with him.

- You're what?

- Seymour's mom couldn't find a sitter for tonight.

And when she heard I had one, we kind of made a deal.

- Dennis Mitchell!

- Seymour won't be any trouble.

I'll look after him real good.

- Oh, Henry.

- Don't look at me, honey.

I'm busy cutting my throat.

[phone ringing]

- Hello.

Oh, hello, Mrs. Williams.

Yes, they are here now.

Oh no, no, of course we don't mind.

You say Seymour's already eaten?

- What time's dinner.

- No, not at all, Mrs. Williams.

We're only too happy to help out.

Goodbye.

- You mean it's OK for Seymour to stay, mom?

- I suppose so.

- Oh boy.

Now I can keep that quarter Seymour's mom gave me.

Boy, I'm sure glad you could stay.

[doorbell]

- I'll get it.

You wait in my room, Seymour.

- Good evening, Dennis?

- What are you doing here, Margaret?

- You'll find out, Dennis.

- Dennis, if that's Maryann, you tell her-- well,

hello, Margaret. - Good evening Mrs. Mitchell.

Maryann can't come.

- She can't come?

But she promised me faithfully.

- It's not her fault, Mrs. Mitchell.

She got her dates mixed up, and took two sitting jobs

by mistake.

- Oh dear.

- It's all right, though.

I came in her place. - Listen, Margaret.

You can't be my sitter.

You're too young.

- Dennis Mitchell, if I'm old enough to be engaged to you,

I'm certainly old enough to sit with you.

- Mom, if you don't get her out of here, I'm going to be sick.

- Children, please be quiet.

Margaret dear, I'm afraid you are

a little young to be a sitter.

- You see there.

DAD (OFFSCREEN): Alice, there's mud

on my only clean white shirt.

- I'll be right up, dear.

- But if I don't stay here, Mrs. Mitchell, who Will you get?

- Me.

That's who she'll get.

- Don't be silly Dennis Mitchell.

You can't be your own sitter.

- Why not?

I'm my own stander.

- Perhaps Mrs. Wilson could help me.

- Well, I must say, you certainly look

the picture of contentment.

- [chuckling] I am, Martha.

You know, there's nothing quite like getting into something

comfortable, and spending a quiet evening

at one's favorite pastime.

[phone ringing]

- I'll get it, dear.

- Hello?

Why hello, Alice.

- Mrs. Wilson, I hate to bother you like this.

But, well, I simply haven't anyone else to turn to.

- Henry and I are invited to a dinner party this evening.

And our sitter let us down.

- Oh, you poor thing, you.

I'd love to help out.

But I'm just on my way to a lecture myself.

- Oh.

Well, thank you anyway, Mrs. Wilson.

- However, Georgie is here, Alice.

I'm sure he wouldn't mind dropping over for a few hours.

- Why of course I-- Martha!

What are you saying?

- Mrs. Wilson, do you really think so?

- Yes, of course.

- Martha, are you out of your mind?

- Shh!

I'll just ask him to make sure, dear.

- No, I refuse.

I simply refuse.

- George, the Mitchells are our best friends.

They're in trouble. We can't refuse to help them.

- But Martha, what about my nice, quiet evening

I had all planned?

- Well, you can take your coin collection with you,

and have a nice, quiet evening over there.

- Martha, you can't be serious.

Why, nobody's had a nice quiet evening with Dennis

around ever since that first day they

brought him home from the hospital.

- Alice?

George says he'd love to come.

- Oh Mrs. Wilson, that's wonderful.

We'll be leaving soon.

Goodbye.

- Martha, how could you?

Oh!

- Oh, thank goodness.

- You hear that, Margaret?

Mr. Wilson's coming over.

So you can take your dumb doll, and go home.

- Dear, here's a little something for your trouble.

- You mean you're giving her money for not doing something?

- Dennis Mitchell, not one more word.

[phone ringing]

- Oh dear.

Hello?

Oh, hello Mrs. Moore.

Yes, Margaret's here.

Well, I do think she's a little young.

Oh no, don't bother to come over.

Mr. Wilson will be here this evening,

and everything will be fine.

All right.

Thank you for calling.

Goodbye.

Well, Margaret, I guess you'll stay

here and keep Dennis company.

- But mom, she'll ruin everything!

- Dennis.

DAD (OFFSCREEN): You better hurry up, honey.

You've only got a minute.

- I'm coming, dear.

- My goodness, your mother's an emotional housekeeper.

Now then, we can eat, talk, play post office.

What would you like to do first, Dennis?

- Find some way to get you out of my house.

- Uh, children, you may go back to your television.

- I'd rather stay with you, Mr. Wilson.

- And I have to be wherever Dennis is.

Because I'm his sitter.

- You are not my sitter, Margaret.

- I am so, Dennis Mitchell.

Why else would your mother give me $0.50?

- So you'd go home, that's why.

- Children, please.

- Listen, Margaret, go soak your head.

And go soak your doll's head, too.

- Is that so?

- Yes, that's so. - Quiet!

There, that's better.

- How are they paying you?

- Paying me?

Now you kids behave yourselves.

The idea.

- Shh.

- Well, that's more like it.

- (SHOUTING) Quiet!

- Oh, now you three children sit down and be quiet,

like little ladies and gentlemen.

- Mr. Wilson?

- Yes, Dennis?

- Do you have any new coins in your coin collection?

- Oh, yes, Dennis.

Indeed I do.

Now this coin, for example, is a 1919 D dime worth $100.

- Wow.

- May I please see it, Mr. Wilson?

- Oh, of course you may, Margaret.

There you are.

How utterly fascinating.

- [chuckling] Now this coin here, for example--

- Seymour, come back here.

- I'm hungry.

- You can't be hungry.

You just ate.

Why, I'm not even hungry yet.

- May I play house, Mr. Wilson?

- Well, of course you may, Margaret.

You may play anything you like, as long as you do it quietly.

- Now then, you're the father.

My doll Pamela can be our daughter.

And Seymour can be our son.

- Thank you, Margaret.

But I have no desire to be related to any of you.

- All right, then.

We'll play hospital.

I'm the nurse.

You're the doctor.

And Seymour's the patient about to the operated on.

- (SHOUTING) I'm going home!

- Seymour, come back here. It's all in fun.

- Let me go! Help!

Help! Let me go!

Help! Help!

Let me go.

Help, help.

- Children, children, for heaven's sakes,

don't you know any quiet games?

- Like what?

- Well, like staring at each other with your mouths shut.

- Hey, we could play spaceship and go to the moon.

- Listen here, Dennis Mitchell.

Girls aren't interested in going to the moon.

- That's exactly why we men want to go there, Margaret.

- I can't go.

I'm not allowed to cross the street.

- Not allowed to cross the-- oh, for heaven's sakes.

- Will you play a game of hide and go

seek with us, Mr. Wilson?

- Oh now, Dennis.

- That's a nice, quite game, isn't it Gretchen?

- I thought you said your dumb old doll's name was Pamela.

- The dear little thing has two names.

I wanted twins.

- Oh good grief.

- Oh, Dennis.

All right, children.

I'll tell you what.

I'll play one game of hide and seek

with you, if you promise to be quiet for the rest

of the evening.

- We promise.

- OK.

- I want to do the counting.

- OK, Seymour.

Stand in the corner and count to 50.

- I only can count to nine.

- Well, you count to nine five times, Seymour.

- Come on, kids.

- One, two--

- Dennis I am not a kid.

- One, two, three, seven, eight, nine.

One, two, three, seven, eight, nine.

One, two three, seven, eight, nine.

One, two, three, seven, eight, nine.

Here I come, ready or not.

- Do you hear him?

[crash]

- It sounds like he's in the kitchen.

- I think we better go see what he's doing.

- Seymour!

- You shouldn't do things like this.

- I'm hungry.

- Oh, Seymour.

- Put these things--

- Mr. Wilson?

Mr. Wilson, the game's over.

[pounding]

MR. WILSON (OFFSCREEN): Dennis, let me out of here.

- Out of where?

MR. WILSON (OFFSCREEN): The closet.

- Jeepers, Mr. Wilson.

You weren't supposed to lock yourself in.

That's against the rules.

- Dennis, I didn't try to lock myself in the closet.

I-- oh, I give up.

- There.

Now you come right in here with me.

You sit right down here, and behave yourself.

Now don't you move.

- I want some candy.

- Oh, Seymour, it's night time.

And all the candy stores are closed.

[throwing a tantrum]

- Hey, Mr. Wilson, I know where there's

some candy machines on Main Street.

- Dennis, we are not going to go to any candy

machines on Main Street.

So forget it.

- Seymour, come back here!

- Dennis, come back here!

- Children, come back here!

[laughing]

- Wow.

- Here he is, Mr. Wilson.

- Shame on you, Seymour, running off like that.

- Seymour, you're a bad boy.

It's late at night.

If a policeman-- oh, he's all sticky.

- Seymour, I didn't know you had a dime.

- I borrowed it from Mr. Wilson.

- Now, Seymour, little boys who tell

fibs-- oh, Seymour, you mean the dime that was on the desk?

You mean-- oh, tell me you didn't!

Oh!

Great Scott!

My $100 dime.

Oh.

- Mr. Wilson, you're going to break it.

- Oh, where's that old nail file I had?

- You got a hangnail Mr. Wilson?

- Oh, Dennis, please.

- Oh dear.

This isn't legal, you know.

- Oh, darn this machine!

- Wow.

Look at all those peachy dimes.

- I'm glad Pamela and I had no part in this.

- Four, '56.

[whistle blowing]

- Mr. Wilson, here comes a--

- Oh Dennis, don't bother me now.

[whistle blowing]

- Seymour, we better get out of here.

Come on, Margaret.

- 1919 D. Dennis, I j-- oh. [nervous laugh]

Oh, good evening officer.

I was just--

- So we finally caught you, huh?

- Caught?

Oh, no officer.

You see I was just--

- Breaking into the candy machine.

- Oh, no, no, no.

You see, officer, I lost this rare dime and--

- Tell it to the judge.

- Tell it to the judge?

- Come on, now.

- Oh, now wait a minute, officer.

Children, children, where are you?

Officer, please.

I'm a babysitter.

- Yeah, yeah, I know.

And It with some little kid, got you just

started on a life of crime.

- Oh no, officer.

Now pick up the dimes.

- Oh.

- Boy, poor old Mr. Wilson can sure

get himself into some awful messes.

- Can't he?

[doorbell]

- Hi, Mr. Martin.

- Why, Dennis.

- Can I see my dad?

It's a matter of almost life and death.

- That serious, eh?

Well now you just hold on a minute.

- What a lovely party.

See what a good time married people can have, Dennis.

- Gosh, Margaret, don't you ever give up?

- Dennis, what are you doing here?

- Why aren't you children with Mr. Wilson?

- Because poor old Mr. Wilson is in a lot of trouble.

- It was awful.

He broke into a candy machine.

- And then the policeman took him away.

- And they put him in the hoosegow.

- I don't understand.

- Dad, that's the whole trouble.

Neither did the policeman.

- Margaret, you and Seymour stay with Mrs. Mitchell.

Come on, son.

We'll do down to the police station.

POLICEMAN (OFFSCREEN): All right then.

Where were you the night of Thursday, November 26?

- I don't remember.

Now I keep telling you.

- Yeah, yeah, you don't know nothing

about those other coin machine jobs.

- You were only looking for a rare dime.

- Exactly.

- What's your real name.

- George Wilson.

And I assure you.

- You ever been called George the Gat?

- George the Gat? - Your real name's Watson, is it?

Come clean. - Where'd you serve time last?

- My name is George Wilson.

And I have never served time anywhere.

If you don't-- you call Sergeant Mooney if you don't believe me.

- It's his night off. He's out.

- Let's see.

George the Gat picks locks with nail files,

smooth talker, odd dresser.

- Now look here.

I demand to speak to--

[phone ringing] - Yeah.

OK.

Let's go.

- Go?

Go where?

- When was the last time you made the lineup?

- The lineup? Oh no!

- That's the darnedest story I ever heard in my life.

- But it's the truth, Sergeant.

- Sure.

Cub Scouts never lie.

- You're a Cub Scout?

- Oh, Mitchell, am I ever glad to see you.

Will you tell these two that I am not Georgia the Gat?

- We've already told him, Mr. Wilson.

- It's all right, boys.

There's evidently been a mistake.

- You see?

That's what I've been trying to tell you, you know-it-alls.

- You sure, Sarge?

- Yes, I'm sure.

He may be some kind nut, but he's no criminal.

- Now that's what I've been trying to tell you.

I may be some kind of a nut-- I beg your pardon?

- We're only trying to do our duty, Mr. Wilson.

After all, you were unlawfully pilfering a vending machine.

When they brought you in you had no wallet or identification

of any kind.

- Well.

- Mr. Wilson, I'm sure glad you're free.

- We're terribly sorry all this happened, Mr. Wilson.

- I suppose there was no real harm done.

At least I got my valuable dime back.

- Here's your personal property we

took from you when you were booked.

one pocket comb, three teeth missing, one nail file,

seven jelly beans-- - Goodness.

I wonder how they got in there.

- One quarter, two nickels, and three pennies.

Sign here, please.

- Well, everything seems to be-- wait a minute.

My dime.

Where's my dime?

- Well you've got two nickels, haven't you?

I needed the dime for that candy machine over there.

- Candy?

Great Scott, my dime.

- Wilson!

Stop that!

Wilson!

- Not until I get my dime back.

- Wilson, stop it!

- I want my dime.

- Whoa, poor old Mr. Wilson sure has

trouble hanging onto his money, doesn't he, dad?

- I'm glad your foot feels better, Mr. Wilson.

- Oh, thank you, Alice.

- The idea of getting into a fight with a vending machine.

- Well, at least that's one fight I won.

Wouldn't you say so, Mitchell?

- I sure would.

- My golly.

When George Wilson goes after something, he really gets it.

- Hey, Mr. Wilson?

- Yes, Dennis?

- Can I try the vending machine you

bought from the police department?

- Why yes, be my guest.

Provided, of course, you brought your own dime.

- Boy, it sure is swell living next door

to a candy machine, especially when it not only gives you

a candy bar, but sends your dime back, too!

[laughter]

[theme music]

MALE SPEAKER (OFFSCREEN): This has been a Screen Gems film

production from the Hollywood studios of Columbia Pictures.