All language subtitles for Dennis.the.Menace.1959.S03E20.Mr.Wilsons.Uncle.1080p.PCOK.WEB-DL.AAC2.0.H.264-Dooky_track1_[eng]

[music playing]

[cracking sound]

[music playing]
[cracking sound]

[music playing]

[cracking sound]

[music playing]

[cracking sound]

[music playing]

[theme music]

- Well, how is it?

- Relaxing, honey, very relaxing.

I can certainly see why that
other young fella took one

along to Washington with him.

[laugh]

- I wonder how Mr. Wilson's
enjoying his rocking chair.

- Jeepers, you mean, Mr. Wilson
got one of these swell boxes

too?

- Yes, he has.

But he had to buy one of
these old chairs to get it.

- Hey, where are you going, Dad?

- I'm going over to
visit Mr. Wilson.

- How do you like it, dear?

- Oh, Martha, it's
simply wonderful.

There's nothing like an
old-fashioned rocking chair

to make you forget
your troubles.

DENNIS (OFFSCREEN):
Hey, Mr. Wilson!

- Oh good grief.

I knew I was tempting
fate by saying that.

- Hi, Mrs. Wilson?

- Hello, dear.

- How do you like you
new rocker, Mr. Wilson?

- Eh, Dennis, don't.

- I liked it fine till you--

- Now, George.

Dennis, there are some
freshly-baked cookies

in the house.

- Jeepers, thanks, Mrs. Wilson.

- Martha, you'd
better go along, see

if there are one
or two left for me.

- Welcome to the
club, Mr. Wilson.

- Oh, thank you, Mitchell.

I'm certainly glad you
talked me into ordering

one of these chairs
when you did.

- Well, you'd better
get your legs in early.

Didn't you tell me that uncle
of yours that is coming to visit

is an old rocking chair addict?

- Well, he was, Mitchell.

However, by now, I'm
afraid, the poor old fellow

won't even have the
strength left to rock.

[laughing]

- Oh, George, I'm sure
he's not that feeble.

- Why, Martha, when
the poor old soul

visited us four years
ago, he was so weak,

he had to lie down
between checker moves.

[laughing]

- Well, anyway, we figured
the least we could do

was invite him to stay
with a couple of months.

- When are you expecting him?

- We don't know.

His wire didn't exactly say.

- Oh, Uncle Ned is
like that, Mitchell.

Why, we don't even
know whether he's

coming by plane or the train,
or motorized wheelchair.

- Guess again, George.

I came by bus.

- Uncle Ned!

- Uncle Ned!

Oh, wonderful too see you.

- And George.
- Hey.

- Oh, oh, oh.

There I go again, I
am so sorry, George.

You know I, I'm afraid that
I don't know my own strength.

- Can't believe it.

You look wonderful.

- Oh.

My Uncle Ned, you're
the picture of health.

- Oh, this is nothing, George.

Wait till you see me
with my shirt off.

- But the last time we saw you--

- Uh-ha, I remember it well.

I was a 98-pound weakling.

But I got interested
in physical fitness.

So I threw away all those
silly pills of mine.

And now, I stand before
you a living example

of what the true joy of
fresh air, good food,

and hard exercise
can do for you.

- Oh, I'm sorry, Henry.

Uncle Ned, this is Henry
Mitchell, our next door

neighbor.
- Hello--

- How are you do--
Oh, hi, I'm so sorry.

I have not idea--

- Boy, fresh cookies sure
go fast, don't they?

- Uncle Ned, this is
Henry's son Dennis.

- Oh, Henry's little boy Dennis.

Now, here's a
young man who looks

as though he had plenty of
fresh air and good exercise.

- Are you the Uncle Ned
who's sick all the time?

- Dennis, shh.

- I was that Uncle Ned, Dennis.

But now, I am the
Uncle Ned who is

going to outlive
all his relatives.

Oh, no offense meant, George.

- All right, let's get
you settled, Uncle Ned.

- Oh, that's very
thoughtful, Martha.

George, I see you've got
yourself a rocking chair?

Oh, I gave mine to a
home for old folks.

- Oh, let me, Uncle Ned.

- Just relax.

Why, I could carry you and
this bag up those stairs there.

- Gee, you sure are full of
pep, aren't you, Uncle Ned.

- Dennis, if I were any
peppier, I'd be jet-propelled.

Did you hear, Martha?

- So that's your sick
little old uncle?

- Why, I don't believe it!

- George, you can bring those
barbells upstairs for me,

if you will?

- Barbells?

- Maybe, they're out
here, Mr. Wilson

- Oh?

Great Scott!

They must weigh a ton!

- Hey, let me help
you, Mr. WIlson.

- Argh!

- Oy, they really do
weigh, don't they?

- Maybe I can help you, Dad.

- Never mind, Dennis.

- I was wondering
if you youngsters

were having a
little trouble here.

Let me take them.
Oh, I've got them.

That's it.

- Wow, don't you wish
you could do that, Dad?

- You could use a little
meat on those bones, Henry.

- You know, make sure
you could at that.

- You know, Dad's
got skinny legs.

- Never mind, Dennis.

- And George!

George!
- Huh?

- Oh, it's enough
to make one cry.

- Why?

- Why, I look at you.

Pasty coloring.

Stomach sticking out for
all the world to see.

- Well, now, Uncle Ned, I--

- Oh the shame of it!

By, Martha, how could let to
a husband go to pot like this?

- Well, I-- I--

- Oh, I tell you, the
condition that he's in,

why, he's taking years off his
life, and life off his years.

- Oh, dear.

Do you really think so?

- Gee, maybe you'd better
sit down, Mr. Wilson.

- Oh, Dennis.

Uncle Ned, I assure
you, I've never felt--

- I know, George.

Don't you worry at all,
because, fortunately, I think,

we've caught you just in time.

- Pardon?

- That's right, put your
husband through my Uncle Ned

concentrated joy of living
physical fitness program.

I think you're going to
have yourself a new man.

You watch.

[music playing]
[clock ticking]

[music playing]

- George, George, wake up!

- Huh?

Oh, Uncle Ned, what is it?

- It's time for our early
morning calisthenics.

- Oh, all right.

- Our calis what?

- You'll wake up Martha.

- By great Scott!

It's still dark outside.

- Of course, it is.

It's only six o'clock.

- Six o'clock?

Oh, now, look, Uncle Ned.

I know you mean well, but
I'm not feeling very good.

Maybe next week.

- Oh, my, George.

Rise and shine.

- Oh, Don't do that!

It's cold!

- Let me tell you something.

When you get those
sluggish vital organs

of yours exercising in
the early morning air,

you're going to feel entirely
different about this.

Come on, come on.

I'll meet you downstairs.

- (SIGHING) And he used to
be such a nice, feeble man.

[music playing]

- And he said he
didn't want to do it.

- He did, eh?

Well, we'll have
to see about that.

- Jeepers, Uncle Ned.

You're about the bravest
person I've ever met.

[knocking on door]

- Are you up, Henry?

- What did you ask?

Who is it?

- Henry!

It's jolly Uncle Ned,
your joy of living

physical fitness instructor.

- I don't believe it!

- I'll wait in the bathroom
while you talk to him.

- Boy, I'd rather wake up
a mean old bear any time.

[knocking on door]

- Henry?

- Come in.

- Hi, Dad.

- Good morning, Henry.

My, you are a sleepy
head, aren't you?

- Uncle Ned, I'm not
very good at exercises

this early in the morning.

So I don't see why--

- Oh, you don't, eh?

Oh, you are
uninformed, aren't you?

Don't you realize
that our own present

has said that we are a nation
of underexercised push-button

softies.

- Well, that's all very
interesting, but--

- Oh, come on, Henry,
come on and join us.

And I guarantee that
no time at all, you

will find yourself with more
balance to the ounce than you

ever knew you had.

Come on, come on.

[music playing]

[door closes]

- Alice, that old man's
a nut, a real nut.

- (LAUGHING) I don't know,
Henry, maybe you're right.

Don't tell me you
get enough exercise

riding around in that little
cart on the golf course

every two weeks.

- Alice, I have no intention
of going out there.

- Do you want your own
son to be ashamed of you?

After all, Mr. Wilson
is going to do it.

- Mr. Wilson's related to
that old-- the old man.

- Why don't you do it
just this once, Henry?

What harm could it do?

[music playing]

- Um, all right, I'll
go out there just once.

But I ought to have
my head examined.

[music playing]

- One, two.

One, two.

And stop.

Now, men, we're going
to fill our lungs

with some of this
good clean fresh air.

All ready now, breathe deeply.

In.
[music playing]

[music playing]
- Out.

[music playing]
- In.

[music playing]

- Out.

[coughing]

- I think a lung just collapsed.

- Jeepers, Mr. WIlson.

It's a good thing you have
two of them, isn't it?

- Yes it's peachy dandy, Dennis.

- Next, now, that
you've loosened up,

we're going to try a test
or two to find out precisely

just what condition
you men are in.

I have appointed Dennis
here as my assistant,

as he is, obviously,
in tip-top condition.

- I'm assistant.

Did you hear that, Dad?

I'm an assistant, Mr. WIlson.

I'm an assistant-- I'm--
- Yes, Dennis.

I heard, I heard.

- All right, Dennis, this way.

Now, here.

This is my whistle.

This is my exercise chart.

And that's a pencil.

I want you to keep track
of everything that happens.

And I'll need to put it
in our official record.

- You can count on me, Uncle Ned.

- Atta, boy.
[blowing whistle]

- Oh, Dennis!

Don't do that!

- Now, George.

I want you to get down and see
how many push-ups we can do.

- All right, Mr. WIlson, begin.

One, two, three, four.

Hey, Mr. WIlson, your stomach's
resting on the ground.

- Stool pigeon.

- Four, five.

- Well, I see no need
for any further tests.

All right, men.
Now, on your feet.

Put your hands behind your head.

We're going to do some-- Henry?

Henry?

- Well, he's either asleep
or fainted from exhaustion.

- Dad?

[snoring]

- Yeah, he's asleep all right.
- Uh-hm.

Well, you're my
assistant, wake him up.

- Ay, ay, sir.

On second thought, here's
your whistle back, Uncle Ned.

You wake him up.

[blowing whistle]

[music playing]

[snoring]

[music playing]

- Honey, I'm home.

Oh, hi, dear.

- Hi, darling.

- Oh, did you have a hard day?

You look tired.

- And stiff and sore.

I don't how that old man did
it, but even my ears are sore.

- Oh, just because you're so
unaccustomed to exercising.

- Come on, Mitchell,
we're waiting for you.

- Whoa, Mr. Wilson.

What for?

- To work out with Uncle
Ned, you lucky creature.

- Oh, no, you don't I'm still
stiff from this morning.

- I know, but according
to Uncle Ned,

he has just the thing
to limber us up.

- Wait till you see it, Dad.

Uncle Ned rented a
whole bunch of stuff

and made Mr. Wilson's back
yard into a regular gymnasium.

- Dennis, I wouldn't care
of Mr. Wilson's yard

was made of mink lined with foam
rubber, I have no intention.

- Oh, it's no use, Mitchell.

No.

I'm afraid, we're stuck with
this awful month-long physical

fitness program until
death do us part.

- Mr. Wilson, I don't
understand this-- we.

Oh, you will,
Mitchell, you will.

- What does he mean
you will, you will?

- Henry, how many times
during our marriage have I

put my foot down?

Only when we're dancing, dear.

- Ah, Henry, Mrs.
WIlson and I had

a very interesting
talk with Uncle Ned.

And according to all
available statistics,

American men do not get
enough physical exercise

as they get older.

- You don't say.

- I do say.

And I for one, have no
desire to be a young widow.

- Well, there, you'll be happy
to know that your troubles are

over, because I have no
intentions of going over

there and killing myself
with these silly exercises.

- Henry, Mrs. Wilson and
I have agreed that--

- Alice, you might as
well save your breath.

I am not partaking
of Uncle Ned's joy

of living kiss of death
physical fitness program.

And that's that.

[music playing]

- 23, 24, 25, 26.

Boy!

Boy, Uncle Ned, Dad's
been around 26 times.

Should I write it down?

- No, boy, no.

- Excuse me, Uncle Ned.

- Henry, how you ever
got yourself into that

is beyond me.

And very awkward,
not very well done.

Now, I want you to follow me
over here to the parallel bars.

- Come on, Mitchell.

Now, men, I want you
to stand right there

and I want you to watch
closely, because I'm

going to show you what I expect
you to be doing when you've

completed my course
one month from today.

[music playing]

- Wow, it's just like a circus.

[music playing]
- I hope you're observing.

[music playing]

- Show off.

[music playing]
- All right, boys.

- Well, you certainly don't
expect us to do that?

- I certainly do.

And within a month. it's
going to take a lot of work.

Now, Henry, right over here.

Should we get up on
the bars here and walk,

walk down the bars all
the way to the end?

- My feet?

- No, no, no, no.

It's a stiff arm job.

You get up here, stiff arm.

And then you go, you waddle,
you waddle right down.

One, two, one, two.

All the way down
now, to the end.

[music playing]

- Well, now George.

- Excuse me a minute, Uncle Ned.
- Come on, now, come on.

- Oh, you must be
kidding, Uncle Ned.

[music playing]

- Ahhh.

- There you are, George.

There you are.

You see, that didn't kill you.

- No, but I feel like collecting
my hospitalization insurance.

- All right, gentlemen,
now over here, please.

- You mean, there's more?
- George.

- What they gonna do now?

- I don't know.

Maybe they're gonna shoot
Mr. Wilson out of a cannon?

- Jeez.

- Now, it's easy to see that
you need a lot of training.

So we're going to toughen up.

We're going in for
some arm exercises.

The idea is with the rope.

You take the rope so upon the
platform so and then you swing.

You understand? you swing
right across the pool.

- After you, Mitchell.

[music playing]

- Very good, Henry, very good.

Bad landing, though.

Remember, it was on the toes.

A little give, like that.

All right, George,
now, up to you.

- Mr. WIlson, wait a minute.

- Oh, don't bother me, Dennis.

- Now, George swing up.

[music playing]

- What are you, kids, doing here?

- Waiting for you to fall in.

- Hang on, Mr. Wilson,
I'll get a pole.

- No, no, Dennis, no.

[splashing]

[laughter]

- I told you he'd never make it.

- Dennis, what are all
these kids doing here?

- Oh, it's all right, Dad.

I sold them tickets.

[music playing]

- Oh, tickets, great.

[music playing]

- Blow the candles out.

[blowing]

What's that all about?

- It's an anniversary.
- Whose?

- Whose?

- Yours.

Exactly two weeks ago today,
you started exercising

- Just think of it, Mr.
Wilson, in only 14 days,

we've become complete
physical wrecks.

- Oh, no, you haven't.

- Come on, Mrs. WIlson,
let's get more coffee.

- You know, Mitchell, we've got
to find some way of convincing

that muscle-bound old dictator
that we're in good enough shape

to quit.

- I'm with you, Mr. WIlson,
but the question is how.

- Well, now, let's see.

I've got it-- we'll beat him
at some athletic endeavor.

- Athletic endeavor?

- Weightlifting.

You know those phony barbells at
Murphy's Magic and Trick Shop?

They're made of
lightweight balsa wood.

And you could hardly tell
them from the real things.

- Well, that's hardly playing
the game, Mr. Wilson.

- Eh, oh, well. it
was just an idea.

[music playing]

- Ah.

- Why, Mitchell,
what are you doing?

- I'm just practicing, in case
those fake barbells of yours

are heavier than
you think they are.

[music playing]
- Ah-ha-ha.

- Something tells me this isn't
going to work, Mr. Wilson.

- Now, Mitchell, you just
leave everything to me.

- Good afternoon, Uncle Ned.

- Oh, men, men.

Why, just in time for our
afternoon workout, I see.

- Well, Mitchell
and I thought we'd

like to take this
opportunity to say thank you.

Thank you from the
bottom of our hearts.

- Oh, George, how thoughtful.

Henry, I'm-- I'm touched,
I'm really touched.

- Oh, and Uncle
Ned, secretly we've

been practicing weightlifting.

- Oh, George, no, no, no.

I thought maybe
beginning next week,

you might-- Oh, pretty
bad, pretty bad.

- Uncle Ned, If Mr. Wilsom
and I could lift the barbells

as often as you, do you think
we'd be in pretty good shape?

- Oh, I'd say you were
definitely in superior shape.

- You mean, then we
wouldn't have to complete

your physical fitness course?

- I think I'd be
very glad to add you

two have accomplished the aim
of my joy of living program

more than adequately.

- Well-- Uncle Ned, tell
me, how many times can you

consecutively lift the barbells?

- (LAUGHING) I've
done as many as six.

- Mr. Wilson, you go first.

[music playing]

- One, two, three, four, five,
six-- one more, Mr. WIlson.

Seven.
[thud]

[music playing]

- Well, gentlemen, this
is for the record.

My eyes have seen it,
but the rest of me

simply refuses to believe it.

- Let me try next, Mr. Wilson.

[music playing]

- One, two, three, four, five--

- He's even practiced
harder than I have.

- Six.
Seven.

[thud]

- Well, And I'll certainly
have to revise the estimated

time for my fitness course.

Seven!

You too!

Well, really.

- It's me, everybody.

[blowing whistle]

- Time for our
afternoon exercises.

- Dennis, we're to believe that
these two ugly ducklings have

suddenly changed
into the two Prince

Charmings of my
physical fitness course.

- (LAUGHING) That means
we graduated, Dennis.

Mitchell, why don't you bring
your rocking chair over here?

And we'll celebrate
this afternoon

playing a quite
game of checkers?

[chattering]

[music playing]

- Hey, Dad, Mr. Wilson, Uncle
Ned, look how strong I am.

- Dennis!
- Dennis, put that down!

- It's OK, Dad.

See, these must be some kind
of special lightweight barbells

for the little kids like me.

I've got to get Tommy
and the other kids.

They've got to see this!

- Bogus dumbbells, eh?

Well, you sly rascals, you.

I thought it over.

Well, you really put one over
on your Uncle Ned, didn't you?

- Then you're not angry?
- Angry?

Well, how could anyone be angry
over such a clever deception

as that?

- Then you won't tell the ladies
about the clever deception?

- Oh, I wouldn't
tell them anything.

But I'm going to
tell you something.

From now on, we're going
to start our exercises

at 5 o'clock in the
morning instead of six.

Oh, you have no idea
how stimulating it

is to do your knee
bends in the moonlight.

Right now, let's start in with
some of our good deep breathing

now.

Breathe deeply.
Ready?

In.
[music playing]

[music playing]
- Out.

[music playing]
- In.

[music playing] Out.

[music playing]

[coughing]

[music playing]

[coughing]

[music playing]

[theme music]

ANNOUNCER: This has been a
Screen Gems film production

from the Hollywood Studios
of Columbia Pictures.