Original subtitles

- Hey, mom, Tommy and me need a cool drink real bad.

Can I take some milk from the ice box?

- Well, of course you can.

What are you all doing to get so hot?

- We decided to play some golf.

- Play golf?

Well, that's a strenuous game.

No wonder you're hot.

- Oh, we haven't started to play yet.

- Haven't started?

- Heck no.

- You told me there were 18 holes where you play golf.

So far we've only dug 10 holes in our front yard.

[theme music]

- Oh, Fremont, go away.

Fremont, shoo.

Go on, go.

[barking]

[music playing]

- Mrs. Elkins, well, good morning.

- Good morning, Mr. Wilson.

- Oh, I'm so glad you came by.

There's a question I've been dying to ask you.

- Well?

- Well, I understand that you're buying the house next to mine.

Is that true?

- Yes, I expect to sign the final papers today.

- Oh, that's marvelous.

The best news I've had in years.

- Really?

- Oh, I mean it, Mrs. Elkins.

You know, it's terribly important

to have good neighbors.

And I'm sure that nowhere could I

find a better neighbor than a charming, and gracious lady,

such as yourself.

- What favor do you want, Mr. Wilson?

- A, uh, oh, a favor?

- You and I have never been on friendly terms.

When you start buttering me up, there must be a hidden motive.

- Oh, you're wrong, Mrs. Elkins.

Oh, I'll admit we've had our little differences of opinion.

But what I just said was quite sincere.

You do believe me, don't you?

- No.

- Well, all right then.

I'll be honest with you.

- A welcome change.

- That property you're going to buy

includes a 15-foot strip of land adjoins my property.

Now it's not used for anything.

But I could use it to widen my driveway.

You see, my wife is a very good driver.

And she's continually scraping our fenders on the fence.

- I see.

And you wish to purchase this from me?

- Yes.

The present owners wouldn't even discuss it with me.

But I thought you and I might make a little deal.

- Well, it's possible.

I'll consider it.

- Well, couldn't we settle it now?

I'll pay you a fair price.

- No.

I'll have to think it over.

I'm coming back at two o'clock for a further inspection

of the house.

I'll think it over carefully, and give you my decision then.

- Well, I'll be waiting anxiously.

Thank you, dear lady.

- Will you repeat that, and just refer to me as Mrs. Elkins?

I'd feel much more comfortable.

- Thank you, Mrs. Elkins.

- Thank you, Mr. Wilson.

- It's easier to be nice to an old grizzly bear.

- Hi, mom.

What are you making?

- A cake for dinner.

- Oh boy.

Is it a chocolate cake, or a pound cake, or a pineapple

cake, or angel cake, or a coconut cake?

- It's an angel cake, Dennis.

- Oh boy.

I like angel cake.

Why do they call it angel cake?

Do angels eat it?

- I'm sure I don't know, dear.

- Well, maybe they don't eat it.

When I eat angel cake, I get crumbs all over me.

But all the angels I've seen pictures of

are wearing clean white clothes without any crumbs on them.

Now how do you suppose they eat angel cake,

and not get any crumbs on them?

- I'm sure I don't know, dear.

- Hey, was that salt you put in the cake, mom?

- Yes.

- But a cake is supposed to be sweet.

And if you put salt in it, won't it be salty?

- No, it won't be salty.

You have to put in a pinch of salt to bring out the flavor.

- But why do you have to pinch the salt.

- You certainly are talkative today, Dennis.

- Don't you want me to talk?

- Not while I'm busy baking a cake.

Why don't you go into the living room, and talk to your father?

- OK, mom.

- Hi, dad.

What are you doing?

- Hi, son.

Just taking care of a little homework.

- Homework?

You mean like arithmetic problems?

- No, something I didn't finish up at the office.

- Oh.

You're lucky it's not arithmetic problems.

They're the worst kind of homework.

Hey, did you have arithmetic problems

when you went to school, dad?

- Mhmm.

- Some of the problems you have are

awful silly, like the one we had last week about two men named

A and B. Hey, did you ever know any men named A and B, dad?

- Mhmm.

- Well, that's what these two men were

named-- A and B. And do you know they were doing?

Do ya?

Huh?

- Look, son, how am I going to get any work done

with you standing there talking a blue streak?

- Jeepers, I enjoy talking.

But everybody jumps all over me.

- I'm sorry, son.

I tell you what.

You run out and play now.

And when I finish my work, we'll have a nice long talk, OK?

- OK, dad.

- You know, Martha, this Yugoslavian stamp

was an excellence buy.

Lightly cancelled, no perforations missing.

- That's nice, dear.

- [sneezing]

- Bless you.

Are you catching cold, dear?

- No, not that I'm aware of.

I have no symptoms of a-- there.

That's what did it.

That infernal cat of Mrs. Elkins, that Tinkerbell.

Cats. Always make me sneeze.

Oh shoo, scat.

[violent sneeze]

[angry meow]

- My goodness.

You blew it right off the fence.

Well, I'd like to blow it to kingdom come.

- It's too bad you're allergic to cats.

When Mrs. Elkins moves next door,

Tinkerbell will be around all the time.

- Well, there's one compensation.

I think I can get her to sell me that strip of land I want.

- Have you spoken to her about it yet?

- Yes.

She'll let me know this afternoon.

You know, Martha, I forced myself

to be a sweet as pie to her.

So I'm pretty sure I'll get it.

- That's wonderful, dear.

- Believe me, it wasn't easy to kowtow to Mrs. Elkins.

She's lived so long with cats that she

has the same personality.

- Now dear, that's not a nice thing

to say about a lady who's going to be our neighbor.

- Well, I can speak freely about cats.

I find them most repugnant.

- Hi, Mrs. Wilson.

- Hello, Dennis.

You're just in time to entertain Mr. Wilson

while I get lunch started.

- All right, Dennis.

Don't bother to entertain me.

I can do without it.

- When I came in, you were saying something about cats.

What did you say?

- I said that I find them most repugnant.

- Does that mean you like them?

- Yes.

That means I love them.

I'm just crazy about them.

Now let's drop the subject.

- Hey, you're using your magnifying glass, aren't you,

Mr. Wilson?

- Yes.

- I wish I had a magnifying glass.

It must be fun to magnify things with a magnifying glass.

How much bigger does it make stuff look?

- About five times natural sides, I guess.

- How big is natural size?

- Well natural size is natural size, Dennis, naturally.

Can't you see I'm working on my stamp collection?

- Sure I can.

You're looking at your stamps with your magnifying glass.

If I had a magnifying glass, I wouldn't

look at stamps with it.

I'd look at stuff that was alive, like bugs.

I bet if I looked at a bug that was only an inch long,

it would like the monster from the slimy swamp.

- Oh, for heaven's sakes, Dennis, please keep quiet.

You talk too confounded much.

- Jeepers, everybody tells me that.

- Well, you do.

You just never shut up.

- All right.

If that's the way people feel, I won't talk.

I may just never talk, not ever.

- [chortling] Why you couldn't stop talking for five minutes.

- Well, I could, too.

I could stop taking for five hours, or five years.

- Dennis, I'll make you a proposition.

If you won't talk to me for the rest of the day

whenever you're with me, I'll give you this magnifying glass.

- You will?

- Yes, I will, to protect my sanity.

Is it a deal?

Oh, you've already started, eh?

[chuckling] this is too good to be true.

Oh, don't worry.

You'll be jabbering in no time.

All right, Dennis.

I'll hold you strictly to the rules.

One word, you lose.

TOMMY (OFFSCREEN): Dennis

- You hear Tommy calling.

All right.

Run along.

- Dennis.

- Hi, Tommy.

I can't play now.

I've got a chance to win a magnifying glass if I don't

talk to Mr. Wilson for the rest of the day.

- Then you ought to stay with me.

If you're not with Mr. Wilson, you can't talk to him.

- But what he wants me to do is not talk.

And I've got to be with him so he can see me not talking.

- Not is sure a funny way to win a magnifying glass.

- It won't be easy, either.

Because l like to talk.

- Me too.

- When I go in the house, I'm going

to practice keeping quiet on mom and dad.

You wait here, Tommy.

DAD (OFFSCREEN): Thank you.

Goodbye.

Back already, son? What's the matter with you?

Cat got your tongue?

Nope, there it is.

- Are you all right, dear?

Where are you off to now?

Up to your room?

- What's all this silence business?

Are we raising another Harpo Marx?

- I'm afraid it's all my fault.

I told him this morning that he talked too much.

Well, this may be his way of showing us

that his feelings are hurt.

- Come to think of it, I told him the same thing.

- Oh dear.

Well, we have to let him know we didn't mean it.

- But I did mean it.

He does talk too much sometimes.

- But Henry, we can't have the poor child thinking he

can't open his mouth in his own house.

Couldn't we be extra nice to him,

encourage him to talk a little?

- If you want to, honey. MOM (OFFSCREEN): Dennis.

Before you go out again, would you like a chocolate?

Yes, you.

I know I've only allowed you one after dinner.

But I thought you might like to have one now.

Would you?

Help yourself.

- Oh, sun, just a minute.

Would you think you'd have any use

for a nice, great, big, shiny dime?

Well, aren't you going to thank me?

Your welcome.

- Henry, I don't like this a bit.

He simply refuses to talk.

- Oh, he'll get over it.

It just shows you he's all boy.

Well, a girl any age wouldn't be able to keep quiet

[barking] - Fremont!

Stop that!

You get out of those daisies.

Stop it.

Shame on you, Fremont.

You just wait until I get Mr. Wilson.

He'll make you stop!

- What is it now, Dennis?

What do you want?

The window?

No, no, leave it alone.

I don't want it open.

It's too drafty.

Oh, what is this?

Games?

Flowers, what about flowers?

Oh yes, they came out of my front yard.

Why?

Well, they did too come out of my front yard.

I cut them myself.

Now don't argue with me, Dennis.

You want to me to go outside and play football with you?

Well, if that isn't the stupidest,

most ridiculous-- Dennis, if you have any other idiotic messages

like that, go write me a letter.

I'm in no mood for such foolishness.

Good grief.

Playing games.

Is there one Z or two Z's in daisies.

Oh, Dennis, there are no Z's at all in-- daisies?

Are you trying to tell me something about my new

daisy bad? Huh?

Oh!

Fremont!

You get out of my daisy bed!

Go on!

Out! Shoo!

Get out!

Oh.

Good heavens, what a mess.

Oh, Dennis, why didn't you tell me what he was doing?

Well, I could have stopped him.

Now I'll have to get my garden equipment and fix--

[doorbell]

- Uh oh.

Oh, that must be Mrs. Elkins.

Now Dennis, this is a private conversation.

You run along.

Well, well, well, well, there you are, right on the button.

Do come in, Mrs. Elkins, right in here.

Uh oh, don't stumble over the flowers.

And on the couch.

Here we are.

Well, now, did you decide about the property I want?

- I did, Mr. Wilson.

I'm not selling.

- [stuttering] Why?

Your driveway's on the other side of the house.

You won't need that property when you move in.

- I'm not moving in.

- You mean you changed your mind about buying?

- No, I closed the deal.

However, I plan to remain in my present house

and rent this one, thanks to you.

- Thanks to me?

- Remember what you said this morning

about the importance of good neighbors?

- Yes.

- You were right, Mr. Wilson.

I've thought it over carefully.

And I don't want to live next door to you.

- Well, see here, Mrs. Elkins.

I don't like to be insulted.

You should be used to it.

With men like you, it must happen frequently.

- But there's no reason for you not selling.

- Oh, there are many reasons.

In the first place, you told me you

wanted to widen your driveway because your wife scratched

your car on your fence.

- Well, I--

- The people across the street tell me

you're the one who does it.

You tried to cover up your bad driving

at the expense of an innocent woman.

- Well, Martha would scratch our car

if I allowed her to drive it more often.

- Just the sort of excuse I'd expect

from a pompous, self-centered man who doesn't like cats.

- Who says I don't like cats?

- I do.

I'm not forgetting the time you squirted

the hose on my darling Tinkerbell.

- That was an accident.

A dog was chasing your cat.

And I tried to squirt the dog.

- You see, you hate dogs, too.

- Well, that's not true.

Just yesterday I saw some little boys throwing rocks at the dog.

And I told them if they didn't stop,

I'd knock their blocks off. - Naturally.

You despise children.

- Oh, what's the use.

- So my decision is final.

I will not enter into any transaction

with a man of your type.

- But it's unfair.

You don't need that property, and I do.

[stuttering] It's a rotten trick.

It, it--

- Nothing further to discuss. Good day, Mr. Wilson.

- Well, you'll regret this, Mrs. Elkins.

I won't forget what you've done.

- Penny for your thoughts, honey, or is that classified material?

- Henry, I know you think I'm making too much out of this.

But I'm really worried about Dennis not talking to us.

- I am too.

I didn't think he'd take what we said to him so serious.

- I don't want a quiet little boy.

- Neither do I. That's what's so great about that little guy,

his bubbling enthusiasm for everything.

- I just hope we haven't hurt his feelings so badly that--

- Hi mom, dad.

Boy, am I glad you're home.

Because I'm about to bust from not talking.

In fact, if I didn't have you to talk to, I'd really blow up.

You see, I've got this deal with Mr. Wilson

that if I don't talk to him for the rest of the day,

he'll give me a swell magnifying glass.

Trying to not talk is sure tough.

But I got some good practicing from not talking to you

and dad this morning.

But I can do it for the rest of the day now.

And when I get that magnifying glass,

you can both look through it.

I've got to get back over to Mr. Wilson,

and not talk some more while he paints his garage.

See you later.

- What were we talking about, just before the dam burst.

- I think I was saying one thing we

don't have to worry about is having a quiet little boy.

- That's for sure.

[laughing]

- Hey, Dennis!

- Hi, Tommy.

- Boy, you sure missed some excitement.

- I did?

What happened?

- Johnny Brady caught Mrs. Elkins' cat, Tinkerbell,

and tied a tin can to its tail.

Boy, she took off down the street like a hot rod.

- Gee, that was a bad thing to do.

Did Johnny Brady get scratched up much?

- No.

But he will when Mrs. Elkins finds out what he did.

Come on. Let's play some catch now.

- I wish I could.

But I gotta go over to Mr. Wilson's.

- He's in his garage.

I saw him go back there with a bucket of paint.

- After all, the paint all washed out.

Now just relaxed.

- Well of all the stupid things, Martha.

If Dennis had told me the paint was

spilled, instead of that silly tapping me on the shoulder.

- Well, you can't blame Dennis, George.

You're the one that told him not to talk.

He's waiting in the living room.

- Well, let him wait.

- Aren't you going to give him the magnifying glass now?

After all, he hasn't talked for hours.

- No, absolutely not, Martha.

If he wants that thing, he can just finish earning it.

- Well, suit yourself, dear.

I'm going over to Alice's for a while.

I'll be back.

- All right.

Dennis, I am going to mount these stamps in my album.

Now if you must stay, sit down, and leave me alone.

The way figure, I've got about two hours of peace and quiet

if you're going to get this glass.

[doorbell] - Who the dickens is that?

Get the front door, will you, Dennis?

- Oh, hello, Dennis.

Where's-- There you are.

How could you do that to my poor little cat?

You, you, answer me.

- Why I-- what are you?

- I might have known you'd try to get revenge because I wouldn't

sell you that piece of property.

You threatened to.

- I didn't threaten.

- But I didn't think even you would

pick on a poor, defenseless little kitty.

- What are you talking about?

- I'm talking about you tying a tin can

to my poor little Tinkerbell's tail.

- What?

Why, of all the ridiculous, outrageous--

why I never did any such thing.

- You don't fool me with that phony innocence, not one

little bit.

When I came home from shopping, and found

that can tied to her tail, I knew who to look for.

- Oh, Dennis, tell her I didn't touch her cat.

You've been with me all day, practically.

Well, go on, tell her.

Say something.

Eh?

Oh, for the love of-- oh, here.

Take it it's yours.

The deal is over.

Now go on, talk.

Tell her I didn't touch her cat.

- Of course he didn't, Mrs. Elkins.

Mr. Wilson wouldn't hurt a flea.

And he didn't tie that can to Tinkerbell's tail.

Because Johnny Brady did it.

- Johnny Brady?

Are-- are you sure, Dennis?

- I sure am sure.

Because Tommy told me.

He saw Johnny Brady do that to poor little Tinkerbell.

- I've made a terrible mistake.

- You most certainly have.

- Good old Mr. Wilson would never do a thing like that.

He's just crazy about cats.

He told me so this morning.

He just loves cats.

Don't you, Mr. Wilson?

- Well, I--

- Thank you, Dennis.

Mr. Wilson, I apologize most sincerely.

- Well, you should.

- I'm so ashamed for having misjudged you this way.

And I'm going to make up for it.

Believe me, I am.

- Well, if that's the way you feel,

I could still use that piece of land.

- It's yours.

- Oh, good, good.

- And I'll try to think of another way

to bring us closer together.

- Oh, I'll see you to the door, Mrs. Elkins.

Goodbye.

- Oh, I want to thank you for backing me up, Dennis.

Ho ho!

Now I can widen my driveway, and keep some pain on my fenders.

- Boy, this sure is a swell magnifying glass, Mr. Wilson.

- And it's all yours, my boy.

You have earned it.

- Boy, this looks like a mountain of ice cream

through this swell magnifying glass.

- Well, Dennis, I only wish it were.

You deserve it.

And I'll never ask you to stop talking again.

You certainly stopped Mrs. Elkins from--

MRS. ELKINS (OFFSCREEN): Yoohoo!

Oh, I was in hopes I'd find you back here.

Oh, I'm so glad to know I've been wrong

about you, Mr. Wilson.

Until this dear boy told me, I never

dreamed that underneath that rough exterior of yours,

there's a heart that beats with love for little creatures.

- Oh, well, of course I--

- A few weeks ago my little Tinkerbell became a mother.

- Again?

Boy, she's always becoming mother, isn't she?

- And the cutest one of the family is for you, Mr. Wilson.

[mewling]

- Oh, no, Mrs. Elkins.

I--

- I knew you'd be surprised.

You're just going to love one another.

Oh.

And I'll come over every day to find out

how you're getting along.

Now if you will excuse me, just must dash.

- I--

- Bye bye.

- Ah, uh, oh, take it quick, Dennis. [sneezing]

- Jeepers, don't sneeze on the kitty.

You might give her a cold.

- [sneezing]

- Isn't she cute?

- Oh great Scott. [sneezing]

[music playing]

MALE SPEAKER (OFFSCREEN): This has been a Screen Gems film

production from the Hollywood studios of Columbia Pictures.