All language subtitles for Dennis.the.Menace.1959.S03E07.The.Fifty-Thousandth.Customer.1080p.PCOK.WEB-DL.AAC2.0.H.264-Dooky_track1_[eng]

- Hey, dad.

Is the fishing season open now?

- Yes, it is, son.

But I can't take you this week.

I'm too busy.

- Oh, you don't have to take me.

Me and Tommy are going
fishing in the park.

- There aren't any
fish in the park.

- There is now.

They just put some big ones
in the fountain over there.

I hope mom knows how
to cook goldfish,

because that's what
we're having for dinner.

- Dennis.

Dennis!

Come back here!

[theme music]

- I see where Finch is having
his big contest again this year.

- Yes.

He was putting up
the signs yesterday.

He says there'll be a winner
by the end of the week.

- Says here, Annual Fall
Customer Drive, fabulous prizes,

five minutes of free shopping
for the 50,000th customer

to walk through our doors.

- 50,000 people are gonna
walk through the drugstore?

Boy, it sure will be crowded.

- They won't all be there
at the same time, Dennis.

- No, son.

It means all of the customers
that have shopped at the store

during the year.

The 50,000th customer
going through

the door will win the contest.

- Oh, you mean like
last year, huh?

- That's right, like last year.

- Henry, wouldn't you
love to win that contest?

Five minutes of free
shopping, just think of it.

- All the things you can pick up
and carry off in five minutes.

- You know what I'd do if I won?

I'd head right for
that perfume counter.

Ohhhh.

- First thing I'd go for
is the pipe display.

Finch has a set
of matched briars

down there that cost $100.

- I know what I'd
pick out if I won.

But I guess nobody could carry
a whole soda fountain, though.

- I'll bet you'd
sure try, though.

- I thought sure you were
going to win last year, dad.

You were in that drugstore
about 40 times a day.

- At least.

- It cost me a fortune, too.

That rule of Finch's is a dandy.

During the contest no one
can come into the store

without making a purchase.

- I wonder who the winner
there will be this year.

- I'll tell you who's going
to be the winner this year--

your husband, George Wilson.

- I hope so, dear.

I do wish you luck.

- Well, luck has nothing
to do with it, Martha.

No.

Winning that contest is
purely a mathematical problem.

- Uh-huh.

- Well, all you have to do is
find out the hour and the day

that the 49,999th customer will
walk into Finch's drugstore.

And you just walk
right in behind him.

- Isn't that what you
tried to do last year?

- Well, last year I didn't have
enough figures to work with.

But this year I've
got everything I need.

- My goodness, you do
have a lot of figures.

- Ah, yes.

You see right here the
figures for the average number

of customers per
day for last year.

All this is for the year before.

Right here, these are
the figures for this year

up to date.

- Well, how do you get
all this information?

- (LAUGHINGLY) Never
you mind, my dear.

I have help.

- You mean you've been
paying out money for this?

- Oh, now, my dear, I
know what I'm doing.

Besides, the little
I'm paying will

be more than compensated
for when I win.

Well, I better make my total
for this year's averages.

- Hi, Mrs. Wilson.

Hi, Mr. Wilson.

Whatcha doing, Mr. Wilson?

Adding something?

- I was about to take my total
when you came barging in.

- Hey, I know how
to take a total.

Dad always lets me do that.

Here.
I'll help ya.

- Dennis!

That's not the total.

You punched the repeat key.

Martha, we have got to keep
that patio door locked.

- He didn't mean any harm, dear.

Dennis, Mr. Wilson's
very busy now.

He's working on that
contest of Mr. Finch's.

- Boy, I remember he was
doing that last year, huh,

Mrs. Wilson?
- Yes, dear.

- Where you going, Mr. Wilson?

- Martha, I will finish my
computations later tonight

after dinner.

- All right, dear.

- Besides, I want to go
down to the drugstore

anyway and check my figures.

Might as well do it now.

- Swell, Mr. Wilson.

I'll go down to the
drugstore with ya.

- Dennis, I don't want you going
down to the drugstore with me.

I want to go down to
the drugstore by myself.

Now, is that clear?

- George.

- Oh, that's OK, Mr. Wilson.

If you don't want me to
go, that's all right.

- Well, thanks a lot.

- You go ahead by yourself.

I'll take a shortcut
and meet you down there.

Bye.

[doorbell]

[doorbell]

- Ahh, Mrs. Elkins.

Find anything that you want?

- No, not yet.

- Well, just let me
know when you do.

- Oh, before you go, Mr. Finch--

- Yes?

- When I came in the door
just now, what number was I?

- You're somewhere
this side of 50,000.

- Well, that's a big help.

- When the winner comes in,
there'll be no doubt about it.

The bells will ring.

The lights will flash.

You'll hear about it.

- Oh.

Hello, Billy.

How many so far today?

- 72.

Ah.

- Yes.

That tallies perfectly with
my advanced percentage rises.

Well, you keep up the good work.

I'll check with
you later, Billy.

Oh, no.

- Who's that, Mr. Wilson?

Friend of yours?

- Oh, never mind.

Pete's sake.

Now, Dennis, don't
you touch anything

unless you want to buy it.

- Oh, I want to buy
everything, Mr. Wilson.

But I haven't got any money.

- Well, George, what
can I sell you today?

- Oh, well, I just
came in to look

over your merchandise,
Lawrence, if you

have anything fit to buy.

Oh.

Nice-looking movie camera.

Is it any good?

- You know I don't carry
anything but the best.

That's the latest thing.

- How do I look, Mr. Wilson?

- Ridiculous.

It's guaranteed, I suppose.

- Against everything
but stupidity.

At $195.50 that's the
best camera buy in town.

- Good.

I'll put it on my list.

- List?

- Mm-hmm.

Yes.

I'm making a list
of all the things

I'm going to pick out
when I win my five

minutes of free shopping.

- That will be the day.

- Well, Mrs. Elkins,
have you decided?

- Ah, yes.

Will you please charge this
lipstick for me, Mr. Finch?

- Hi, Mrs. Elkins.

- Oh.

Hello, Dennis.

Here with mother and daddy?

- No.

I'm with Mr. Wilson.

- Oh.

- Here you are, Mrs. Elkins.

Come back often.

You may be the winner.

- Oh no.

Mr. Wilson's going
to win this year.

- Oh really?

Well, I think there's
very little likelihood

of that, Dennis.

- When you talk fast
like that, Mrs. Elkins,

does it ever cut your mouth?

- Cut my mouth?

What do you mean?

- Well, Mr. Wilson says you have
the sharpest tongue in town.

So doesn't it cut your
mouth when you talk fast?

- He said that, did he?

- Oh, well, I-- I-- I didn't
really mean that, Mrs. Elkins.

It was just a little joke.

- A joke, was it?

Well, besides having
no manners whatever,

I can see that you
have no sense of humor.

Good day.

[laughs]

- Sure looks it all right.

I guess her tongue
did cut her mouth.

- No manners, no sense of humor.

How dare she say
a thing like that?

- I think she's a fine
judge a character, George.

- I do know, Finch, you're
going to regret this.

I am going to be your
50,000th customer,

and I am going to clean you out!

- Hi, dad.

Can you and mom come over
to Mr. Wilson's right away?

He wants you to help him.

- What do you mean help him?

- It's something very important.

And here's what he
wants to borrow, mom.

I'll tell him you'll
be right over.

- Borrow?

What's he want to borrow?

- Ah, your box camera, two pipes,
six empty perfume bottles,

and a sun lamp.

- You don't suppose
all the brain work

Mr. Wilson's been doing has
blown one of his fuses, do you?

- Now, once I win,
now the big problem

is how much can I pick up and
carry out in five minutes.

Right?

- That's right.

- But that's if you win, dear.

The chances are one in
a million that you can.

- Oh, now, Martha, I told you
a dozen times with my figures,

I know exactly.

- All right, dear.

All right.
- Where do these go, Mr. Wilson?

- Ah.

They go over there on the
camera counter, Dennis.

Those are an $80
pair of binoculars.

- They are?

Gee, they look like $0.04
pair of empty bottles to me.

- Well, they're just
taking the place

of the binoculars, Dennis.

Oh here.

Ah, yeah.

- Boy, this sure is a keen
place to play store, all right.

- Dennis, come on
over here with me.

- Boy, you really got this fixed
up like Finch's, haven't you?

- I certainly have, Mitchell.

As close as I could get it.

[laughs]

I was down there twice
today measuring distances

starting at the front door.

- Oh, that's this, huh?

- Yeah, right where I'm standing.

Then it's three steps
to the tobacco counter,

and then down here is the
costume jewelry counter here.

- Get me some earrings,
dear, some nice earrings.

- Next stop is the
camera counter.

That's for the movie camera.

Then down here is
the vitamin shelf.

Oh, I'll murder Finch
at the vitamin shelf.

Then the next stop--
well, now wait a minute.

What am I talking about?

Now, here.

Why don't you hold
the watch on me,

and I'll take a run through.

- Sure.
OK.

- Know how to
operate a stopwatch?

I bought that just to
win this contest with.

- Well--

- He's so serious about this.

I think it's just ridiculous.

- Men are always so serious.

And the sillier it gets,
the more serious they are.

- Boy, you should see
how fast he can go, dad.

He was practicing a
little while ago, and wow!

- Hush, Dennis.

Are you ready, Mr. Wilson?

- I'm all ready.

- Wait.

I know who'd like to see this.

I'll get him.

- Get ready.

Set.

Go!

- Oh, the camera.

Next, to the briar pipes.
- Come on?

- Thousand dollar cigars,
a dozen earrings.

[cheering]

- And a compact.

Now the vitamin tablets.
Where are the vitamins?

- Over there!
Over there!

Over there!
- Oh yes.

The vitamins!

- Go!
Go!

- Behind you!

Behind you!
- Yes.

Yes.
Yes.

Oh dear.
Oh dear.

That's all binoculars.

- Binoculars?

- Yes.
Ah!

Oh!

- Go on, Mr. Wilson!

Go on!

- I'm going.

- Look at him, Fremont.

Look at him go.

Isn't he fast?

- Come on, Mr. Wilson!

Let's go!

- Pens for the desk set.
- Over there!

Over there!

[screaming]

- And this is a heating pad for--

[barking]

- Oh!

Fremont!

Get down!

[barking]

- Are you all right?

You're not hurt, are you?

- Oh, no.
I'm all right.

Oh, dear.

I just hope I haven't
broken any of the stuff I

borrowed from-- oh, Great Scott.

- What is it?

- Oh, your pipe.

I must've stepped on it.

- That's all right, Mr. Wilson.

- Don't worry about it.

- Well, I-- I-- I'll
replace it, Mitchell.

I insist.

- Oh, forget it, Mr. Wilson.

It's nothing.

- Nothing?

Dad, that's the swell pipe
I got you for Christmas.

It cost $2.

- Don't worry, dear.

Mr. Wilson will get a
new one for your dad.

- I most certainly well.
I'll tell you what, Mitchell.

You can have your choice.

I'll either pay
you $2 in cash now.

Or if you want to wait
till I win the contest,

I'll pick you out a $10 pipe.

- Well, if you insist.

- Oh, I do.

Well, what's it to be?

$2 in cash now or a
$10 pipe when I win?

- Well, ah, call me
a fool, Mr. Wilson,

but I'll take the $2 cash.

- Don't you want to come to
the drugstore with us, dear?

As the week goes along, the
crowds get bigger every day.

- Well, they're just wasting
their time there today, Martha.

My figures prove conclusively
that the 50,000th customer will

walk into Finch's drugstore
tomorrow at precisely 3:27 PM.

- My goodness.

You have it worked
out to the minute.

- Mr. Wilson says
it's real scientific.

- Well, you don't
mind if we go along.

Alice and I feel lucky today.

- Well, all I ask is that you
make only a small purchase.

Be a shame to waste the
money as well as time.

- Are you coming with us, Dennis?

- No.

I'm going tomorrow
with Mr. Wilson.

He promised to get a
football for me when he wins.

- That's the spirit, Dennis.

You want to see the triumph
of the scientific approach,

don't you?
- No.

I just want a football.

- We're going.

And if I should win, I'll pick
up that movie camera you want.

- Oh, you do that.

Well, now I had better check
through these figures just

once more to make sure
there's no margin for error.

- Can I help you?
- No.

I'll manage.

Thanks.

Oh, Dennis.

Bring me my tobacco
pouch, will you?

It's on the coffee table.

- Sure, Mr. Wilson.

Here you are.

- Thank you.

- Oh, fiddle-faddle.

There's not a shred left.

- Would you like some
bubblegum instead?

- No thanks.

No.

Ah, I, ah-- I'll have to go
down to the drugstore after all.

- But tomorrow's the
day you're gonna win.

- I know, but I've got
to have some tobacco.

And I'd sort of enjoy giving
Finch the needle, too.

- Does Mr. Finch do
a lot of sewing?

- No.

I mean, I'd like
to tell him how I'm

going to clean out
his store tomorrow,

you know, make him nervous.

- Gee, that sounds like fun.

- Apparently, Dennis,
you and I are

beginning to think
very much alike.

[laughs]

- Thank you, Mr. Finch.

Why, George, what
are you doing here?

- Did you find an error in
your calculations, Mr. Wilson?

- Oh, no, Alice.

No.

I just dropped in
for some tobacco.

- And to make Mr. Finch nervous.

- What am I supposed to
be nervous about, George?

- Well, because you are
looking at the winner who

is going to walk
out of this store

tomorrow with your
best merchandise.

- Oh, don't start
that all over again.

Your chances are no better
than anybody else's.

[laughs]

- We'll see, Lawrence.

We'll see.

In the meantime, stop
quaking in your boots

and sell me a tin of tobacco.

- What's he gonna buy?

- I just came to watch you
get the needle, Mr. Finch.

- You know the rules, Dennis.

During this contest
nobody comes in here

that doesn't make a purchase.

- I'll buy something for Dennis.

- No, Alice.

He's my guest.

Give Dennis a stick of gum.

And since it's a present from
me, I want to it gift wrapped.

- Oh, really, George.

- That's all right.

That's all right.

I like to give a loser a break.

- Loser?

Ha.

Well, I--I've got my figures
worked out to the last decimal.

What's more, I've got a map
of your store right up here.

I've memorized the whole layout.

Why, I can pick up anything I
want in a matter of seconds.

- Oh yeah?

- Oh yeah.

For instance, I
know without even

looking that your matched
set of briar pipes

are on the counter on my left.

All I have to do is reach
out and pick up the-- yo-yo!

But Monday you had pipes here.

- There's no law against my
changing my stock around.

- Well, where are the pipes?

Where did you put the pipes?

Why, Great Scott.

It'd take a mountain
goat to reach them there.

- I know, and not many
mountain goats shop here.

- And the movie cameras,
you moved them.

Why, they were
always there before.

Great Scott.

Why, you've moved
everything around.

Why, the whole
layout's different.

- I know, and it wasn't easy.

- Guess we'll have to start
all over again, Mr. Wilson.

- Oh, you crook.

And all the time
I spent preparing

my map, completely wasted.

- Well, dear, back to
the drawing board.

- What time is it
now, Mr. Wilson?

- 3:22, five minutes
to zero hour.

- Boy, this is exciting.

You won't forget my football,
will you, Mr. Wilson?

- I won't overlook anything.

Finch thought he could
foil me by putting

the things I wanted
on high shelves.

Well, I'm ready for him.

Oh, dear.

Oh, this won't do.

See, there's still more than
three minutes and 16 seconds.

We're getting much
too close to the door.

Pardon me, sir.

Would you care to
step ahead of me?

- OK.
Don't care if I do.

Don't care if I do.
- Thank you.

And you, too, madam.

Just follow right along
with your husband.

- That's not my husband.

I never saw him before.

- Oh, I apologize.

- No need to.

You should see the
one I really got.

- Well, I'm sure that he's
quite anxious for you

to get home to him as
quickly as you can.

Now just, please, step
ahead of me, if you would.

- Well, thanks.

- Thank you.
Ah-ha.

Now, that is better.

See, my calculations call for me
to go through that door at 3:27

and not a second sooner.

- You'll do it, Mr. Wilson.

- You bet I will.

Oh, dear.

We're moving too fast again.

Would you like to
move up a space?

- Sure.
Why not.

- Thank you.

One, two, three, four
people ahead of me.

- Is that good, Mr. Wilson?

- Well, it's not
quite good enough.

But if I drop back one
space, that'll be perfect.

Excuse me.

Would you care to--
oh, hello, Mrs. Elkins.

- How do you do, Mr. Wilson?

- Would you care to
take my place in line?

- You're offering to
let me take your place?

- Please do.

- Why?

- Well, you see--

- Mr. Wilson's figured out--

- Umm, I'm simply acting on
the principle of ladies first.

That's all.

- Break it up.

Break it up.

- You're holding everybody up.

- Yeah.

Keep the line moving.

- Please step ahead of me.

We're not being
fair to the others.

- You're the one who's
causing the trouble.

- For heaven's sake,
will somebody go on in?

- OK, lady.
I'll go in.

[bells and whistles sounding]

- Look what happened, Mr. Wilson!

Wow!
It's just like the 4th of July!

- Great Scott!

- My 50,000th customer
has just-- oh no.

Not you.

- I'm surprised, too, Mr. Finch.

- Well, there's no
getting around it.

You're the winner.

Here's the key.

- But the doors are
wide open, Mr. Finch.

Haven't you seen
the people going in?

- The winner always gets the key.

It means you can go in and shop
around for five minutes free.

- Oh boy.

Come in and watch
me shop, Mr. Wilson.

- No thanks, Dennis.

I think I'll just go on home.
- All right.

Come along, Dennis.

Now, Dennis, you
understand the rules?

You're entitled to
as much merchandise

as you can gather up and
carry out in five minutes.

- Can I start now?

- No.

I'll tell you when.

You know, maybe it's just as
lucky that you won after all.

You're too small to
carry out much stuff.

- I'll sure try.

- All right, Dennis.

I'm ready to time you.
Go.

- Oh, he really should take
out smaller things than that.

- Yeah.

The hammock's about
all he can carry.

- Well, let him do it his way.

What are you doing?

- I'm gonna put the things
I want in a hammock,

and then I can carry
the hammock out.

- Oh, no.
No.

No.
That's not fair.

- Why not?

Your rule says he
gets all he can carry,

not how he has to carry it.
- Yeah.

You're just sore 'cause
the kid outsmarted you.

- And if you try to
stop him, you're

gonna lose a lot of customers.
- All right.

All right.

Go ahead, Dennis.
Go ahead.

[cheering]

[cheering]

[cheering]

- Isn't this fun, Mr. Finch?

[cheering]

- By know, I expected
to be taking movies

with my new camera or
smoking my new briar pipe.

Instead, I just sit
there while Dennis

reaps the benefits
of all my plans.

- Hi, Mr. Wilson.

Hi, Mrs. Wilson.

- Hello, dear.

- You should've stayed at
the drugstore, Mr. Wilson.

I had a swell time.

- Yes.

I can imagine.

- Look at the football I got.

It's the best one Mr. Finch had.

- It's a lovely football,
isn't it, dear?

- It's charming.

- And I got jigsaw puzzles
and jelly beans and a hammock

and all kinds of other stuff.

- Bully for you.

- I got powder and perfume
and all the things

that mom and dad wanted.

- You're a good boy, Dennis.

Isn't he, dear?
- Fine.

Fine.

- And I got some
more stuff outside.

Come on, Mr. Wilson.

Let me show ya.

- Some other time, Dennis.

- Please, Mr. Wilson.

I want you to see them now.

- Go on, dear.

Don't spoil his fun.

- Oh, all right.

Never let it be said
that I'm a bad loser.

- There they are, Mr. Wilson.

All for you.

- For-- for me?

- I put them out here
so you'd be surprised.

Are you?

- Why, Dennis, you got--
you got these for me?

- Yeah.

There's the movie
camera you wanted

and the binoculars
and a pipe and a lot

of your favorite tobacco.

- Oh.

- Oh, those are for Mrs. Wilson.

- Oh, thank you, dear.

They're lovely.

- You should've seen me get
that camera off the top shelf.

I started to climb
right up the wall,

and Mr. Finch got real upset.

- Why, Dennis, I had
no idea you'd do this.

- Jeepers.

I wouldn't have gotten anything
if it hadn't been for you.

You figured out the
right time to be there.

- Well, yes.

- And besides, you're
my very best friend.

- Well, thank you, Dennis.

Thank you so very much.

- Gee, it must be great
being able to figure out

things the way you do.

- Well, now, I
don't know, Dennis.

Sometimes the things
you don't figure out

turn out even better.

- This has been a Screen
Gems film production

from the Hollywood studios
of Columbia Pictures.