All language subtitles for Dennis.the.Menace.1959.S03E05.Haunted.House.1080p.PCOK.WEB-DL.AAC2.0.H.264-Dooky_track1_[eng]

- Hey, Mom?

- Young man, why
aren't you in bed?

- I lost something.

Did you take something
out of this box?

- No, I didn't.

- Hey, Dad?

Did you take something
out of this box?

- No, I didn't, and
you march yourself

right back up to bed, young man.

- Yes, sir.

Now, what do you
supposed happened

to that dumb ol'
pet snake of mine?

- The things kids'll think
of to keep from going to b--

- Snake!
- Dennis!

[theme music]

- There you are, Mr. Bowers--
our deposit check for $1,000.

- All righty, and here's
your receipt, Mr. Wilson.

- Oh, thank you.

Well, Mitchell, we
have bought ourselves

a piece of income property.

- Oh, you didn't buy that
property, gentlemen.

You stole it.

- You really think so?

- Believe me, if the little old
lady that owns that property

didn't need the
money, you wouldn't

have gotten it for
anywhere near the price.

- That's the one thing that
kind of bothers me about it,

taking advantage of a,
of a little old lady.

- Oh, uh, now, now,
Mr. Mitchell, it's

not as though she
didn't want to sell.

- Why, of course not, Mitchell.

If we hadn't come
along, somebody else

might have offered
her even less.

- Well, maybe you're right.

- Well, it's been a real
pleasure doing business

with you, gentlemen.

- Thank you, Mr. Bowers.
Come along, Mitchell.

- Hello?

Well, I finally sold that
broken-down old house

for you, Mother.

- I still don't
understand how you

were able to get that house
on South Gate Road so cheap.

- Well, honey, the little
old lady needed the money.

- I don't know.

Remember the used car you bought
from that other little old lady

a few years back?

- (CHUCKLING) Take
it from me, Alice,

I can guarantee that this
house has never had a head-on

collision or had its
speedometer turned back.

- Oh, Mr. Wilson?

Sergeant Mooney
would like to see ya.

- Oh, Sergeant Mooney,
what a pleasant surprise.

- Hi, Sergeant.

- Good afternoon, Mrs.
Mitchell, Mr. Mitchell.

- You want me, Mooney?

- George, your car is
blocking a driveway.

- It is?
- Mm.

- But that's my driveway, Mooney.

- That's what I told
him, Mr. Wilson.

- That doesn't make any
difference, George.

The law says that
no vehicle can be

parked on a street
in such a manner as

to deny access to
a private driveway.

- But it's my
driveway, you fathead!

- And this is my book of
tickets, you old wretch.

- Why, I, uh-- oh,
I'll go move it.

I-- why aren't you out
chasing real criminals?

- Because I've got
other things to do

and I won't be bothering
you for a while.

- Well, good.

What is it?

- Wouldn't you like to know?

- No, I wouldn't.

- All right, I'll tell you.

Hey, you know that old haunted
house over on South Gate Road?

Some fast-talking
real estate agent

sold it to a couple
of unsuspecting boobs

as income property.

Can you imagine that?

Income property?

You couldn't pay someone
to live in that place.

- Uh, Sergeant Mooney,
it might interest you

know that Mr. Wilson and I are
the two unsuspecting boobs.

- Oh no.

Oh, Wilson, you're not
the one that-- oh-ho-ho.

- And for your
information, Mooney, it

was an excellent buy.

Right, Mitchell?

- I hope so.

- Haunted house. [derisive laugh]
How ridiculous can you get?

- Do you mean it has real ghosts?

- Well, I'd like to have a
dollar for every report we've

had about eerie lights
and sounds coming out

of the place at night.

That's why they want me to
keep an eye on the place.

- Sergeant Mooney, don't tell
me you believe in ghosts.

- Oh, of course
not, Mrs. Mitchell.

But you just try to
change people's minds

when they get a screwball
motion in their head.

- Oh dear.

Who'd want to live in a house
with a reputation like that?

- Jeepers, I would.

- Dennis.

- Now, don't you worry.

We'll find somebody.

- Oh, of course you will, George.

Maybe there's a ghost
somewhere with money

that needs a larger place.

- Now, now just a minute.

That deal we made wasn't
really legal anyway.

- No, the, the house was
misrepresented to us.

- Right.

Come along, Mitchell.

You too, Mooney.

We're not going to be bamboozled
by any real estate sharpie.

- Wowee!

Wait till Tommy hears I own
half of a haunted house!

Oh Tommy!

- And another thing, young
man-- did you ask Junior here

if the house was haunted?

- Well, no, but, uh--

- Or did Junior say
that was not haunted?

- Well, no, of course
he didn't, but--

- Well then, what's all
the argument about?

- That's telling him, Mother.

- Gin!

- Again?

- Mrs. Bowers, your
son completely

misrepresented that old house
of yours and you know it.

Furthermore, we
want our money back.

- 150 against nothing.

I really blitzed you
that time, son, didn't I?

- The fact remains, we
wouldn't have bought the house

if we'd known the
circumstances, Mrs. Bowers.

- Oh, fiddle-dee-dee.

Business is business.

And there's nothing in this,
in this deposit receipt

Junior gave you that gives
any guarantee against ghosts,

is there now, Sergeant?

- Hmm, looks that way all right.

- Aw, wait a minute.

Whose side are you
on anyway, Mooney?

- The law's side, George,
and I'm afraid you

haven't got a chubby
leg to stand on.

- Oh come on, Mitchell,
let's get out of here.

- Well, Mr. Wilson,
what do we do now?

- Well, there's only one
thing to do, Mitchell.

Prove that ridiculous story
about the house being haunted

is so much hogwash.

- Now you're talking.

- And a fat lot of
help you were, Mooney.

- Oh now, just a minute, George.

Didn't I keep that sweet,
innocent, little old lady

from beating you up?

[laughter]

[car brakes squealing]

[car doors closing]

[footsteps approaching]

[wood creaking]

- Well, welcome to
our haunted house.

- Oh, haunted house.

Don't even joke
about it, Mitchell.

Oh.

Well, I know we agreed before
that the furniture is pretty

run down.

Everything looks sort of drab.

You know, the first
thing we should do,

Mitchell, is repair
this staircase.

Oh, yes.

Put a new banister here,
and-- [startled groan]

[imitating ghost]

- Hi, Mr. Wilson.

- Oh, good grief.

- Dennis, what are you and
Tommy doing over here?

- We came over to help
you find the ghosts.

- We climbed in through
a basement window.

- What are you doing with
those Halloween masks?

- If we run into a ghost, we
figure we'll scare him first.

- Oh, for heaven's sakes.

All right, Mitchell,
let's get back

to what we were discussing.

Now, I think we should get
rid of all this old furniture,

put on some bright new paper,
and paint the whole place.

- Well, frankly, Mr.
Wilson, I'm more

interested in getting rid of
these haunted house stories.

- Jeepers, Dad, maybe they
don't want anybody living here.

- They?
Who's they, Dennis?

- (IN UNISON) The ghosts.

- Oh, boys.

Spirits are nothing but a
figment of the imagination.

- Sure, Mr. Wilson.

Come on, Tommy.

Let's go look for a ghost.

- OK, Dennis.

- The yard's not in too
bad shape, Mr. Wilson.

With your green thumb--

- Ah, you really think so?

I don't know.

A lot of work, Mitchell.

Yes, Mitchell?

- Yes what?

- Well, you just tapped
me on the shoulder.

- I just what?

- Oh now, Mitchell, this is
no time to be playing games.

- Mr. Wilson, I
tell you, I didn't.

- Well, I distinctly felt
a tap on my shoulder.

- Nope, no ghosts in there.

- I'm gonna go take a look
in the kitchen a minute.

- Ah.

- Come on, Mr. Wilson.

Let's go look for
secret passages.

- Eh, there are no secret
passages, I assure you, Dennis.

- I'm not Dennis, I'm Tommy.

- Good grief.

Well.

- I think I'll take a
look around outside.

- Oh, all right, Mitchell.

[fabric rustling]

- I-I think I'll join you,
Mitchell, if you don't mind.

[gasp]
- Oh!

Dennis, don't ever do that.

- You forgot your umbrella.

- Well, I-- it's stopped raining.

- It might.
- Oh.

Well, thank you.

- Hey, Dennis, look
at this swell dust.

- Jeepers, is it ever.

- Gee, Dennis, you
think ghosts can read?

- Sure they can, Tommy.

There, that should scare some
mean old ghosts all right.

- And how.

It even scares me,
and I helped make it.

- Come on, Tommy.

Let's go see if there's
anything scary upstairs.

- Boy, look at this bed
with a sheet over it.

- That must be there
'cause the roof leaks.

Heck, there are no old
ghosts around here either.

- Maybe they only walk
around after it gets dark.

- They sure are lucky.

When I try to do
that, Mom catches me

and sends me back to bed.

Nope, no ghosts under there.

- You know, Dennis, I
bet you this old house

isn't really haunted at all.

DENNIS (OFFSCREEN):
That's OK, Tommy.

Then Dad and Mr. Wilson won't
have any trouble renting it.

[ghostly moaning]

- What was that, Dennis?

[ghostly moaning]

- Uh, are you a ghost?

- (IMITATING GHOST) I am a ghost.

What are you doing here?

- (IMITATING GHOST)
Minding my own business.

Go home, little boy.

- That's a swell idea, Dennis.

Come on, let's go.

- Ghosts can't hurt you, Tommy.

All they can do is scare you.

- Well, what are we waiting for?

I'm scared already.

[ghostly moaning]

- Why can't we see
you, Mr. Ghost?

TRAMP (OFFSCREEN):
(IMITATING GHOST)

I am visible only at night.

- Listen, Mr. Ghost,
you gotta move away.

My dad and Mr. Wilson
own this house now.

- (IMITATING GHOST)
Ooh, that's a laugh.

[ghostly laughter]

- Are you the only
ghost living here?

TRAMP (OFFSCREEN): (IMITATING
GHOST) Who's living?

- I'm going home, Dennis.

- How'd you become a ghost in
the first place, Mr. Ghost?

- (IMITATING GHOST) By
asking too many questions.

- That did it.

- Mr. Ghost?

Mr. Ghost?

He must have hung up, Tommy.

Hey, Tommy!

Where are you?

- Dennis!

Oh, Tommy, have you seen Dennis?

Den-- oh.

- Hey Dad, guess what?

We've been talking to a ghost.

- Is that so?
- Yeah.

He even said he was a ghost.

- Well, at least he's
honest about it.

- Hey, Mr. Wilson, you want to
go upstairs and talk to a ghost?

- A gho-- oh.

No, thank you, Dennis.

- I think we'd better get going
before it starts to rain.

- But what about the ghost?

- Well, I think he'll keep
until our next visit.

- OK.

He seemed kind of
cranky, anyway.

Hey, Tommy!

- My son who talks to ghosts.

- Yes.

Nothing quite like a child's
imagination, right, Mitchell?

Oh, wait a minute.

My hat.

Aah, Mitchell!

Wait for me!

- And the ghost kept going,
"Ooo," trying to scare us,

Herman.

- Naw, Dennis.

It was more like, "Ooo."

- Alice?

- Oh, I was listening your
son telling ghost stories.

- He's becoming quite raconteur
of the supernatural, isn't he?

- Well, I am not amused.

That child's imagination
is so fired up,

he actually believes he talked
to a ghost this afternoon.

- Well, honey, it's only natural
with a child of his age.

- Well, he's never
done it before.

- Well, his father's never owned
half a haunted house either.

Oh, and incidentally,
Mr. Wilson and I

are sleeping over at
the house tonight.

- Oh dear, must you?

- Now isn't that funny?

Mr. Wilson asked
the same question.

I figure it's the only
way we'll ever find out

what's causing those wild
tales about the house.

- Well, now, let's see.

You'll need, um, a blanket,
some sheets, some towels, soap,

toothbrush--
- Honey, hold on, hold on.

All we're taking over is
a sleeping bag, a thermos,

a flashlight, and some candles.

That's all.

- All right.

Well, what time does
the ghost hunt start?

At the stroke of 12:00?

- No, we thought we'd
sneak over about 10

after, uh, you-know-who
is sound asleep.

- And that's not all, Herman.

If we don't figure out a way
to make that ghost move away,

my dad and Mr. Wilson are
gonna lose all their money.

- My mom says my dad loses
all his money at the races.

- Well, maybe you
could scare him.

- People don't scare
ghost, Herman.

Ghosts scare people.

- Well, wait a minute, Tommy.

Remember that movie,
"The Spirits' Revenge?"

- Boy, do I. I had another
swell nightmare about it just

the other night.

- Well, remember how the
good ghosts got together

and scared away the bad ghost
so he'd go haunt someplace else?

- See, smartie?

- So what?

Where you gonna
get the good ghost?

- We'll be our own ghosts, Tommy.

All we have to do is
put on those sheets

we used last Halloween.

- Not me, Dennis.

- I got a sheet.

- Jeepers, Tommy,
ghosts can't hurt you.

- You know it, and I know, but
does that old ghost know it?

- Jeepers, Tommy, I never
thought you'd be chicken.

He didn't even sound
like a very mean ghost.

- My sheet's even clean.

- You're too little, Herman.

- But I'm not chicken.

- Who's chicken?

- You're chicken!

- All right, I'll go, Dennis.

But I won't like it.

- I'll give you a dime
if I can go too, Dennis.

- Herman, I already
told you-- a dime?

- A whole dime.

I never met a ghost before.

- All right, Herman, it's a deal.

- Hot dog!

I bet my sheet's
whiter than yours.

We got a new washer.

- Aw, go soak your head.

- Shh.

Now listen, fellas-- this is
what us good ghosts gotta do

tonight.

[alarm clock ringing]

[thunder]

[thunder]

[sleepy moaning]
- (WHISPERING) Mitchell.

- (WHISPERING) What is it?
- (WHISPERING) Did you hear that?

- (WHISPERING) What?

- (WHISPERING) That
unearthly sound.

- (WHISPERING) Relax, Mr. Wilson.

You're letting your nerves
get the best of you.

[thunder]

[snoring]

- Mitchell.

- What is it now, Mr. Wilson?

- You're snoring.

- Mr. Wilson, I have
never snored in my life.

- I distinctly heard a--

- Shh.

[footsteps]
- (WHISPERING) What is it?

[footsteps]

- (WHISPERING) Mitchell,
something's coming down

the front walk.

- (WHISPERING) Let's
get underneath the bag.

- (WHISPERING) Yes.

[thunder]

- (WHISPERING) Oh, Mitchell,
I have to-- it's stuck.

- (WHISPERING) Oh.

- (WHISPERING) Get this zipper.

Quick.

- (WHISPERING) There.

Wait.

We can throw that over
his head when he comes in.

- (WHISPERING) Oh!
That's a great idea.

Let's just hope it's a he
or a she and not an it.

Now, Mitchell!
MOONEY (OFFSCREEN): Help!

Let me out of here!

- All right, who is it?

- Sergeant Mooney.

- Who?

- Mooney?

MOONEY (OFFSCREEN): George
Wilson, what in Sam Hill

are you doing here?

MR. WILSON (OFFSCREEN):
We're having afternoon tea.

What are you doing here?

- Investigating a report
that some strange lights

are coming out of this place.

- Must have been our flashlights.

We're trying to track
down these ghost stories.

- And so far, all we've tracked
down is one nosy policeman.

- Oh, you're just
wasting your time.

These stories are simply started
by someone and that's that.

- Well, I don't know, Mooney.

There must be some
good reason for them.

- Oh, come now, George.

Don't tell me you're beginning
to believe in ghosts.

- Oh, no, don't be ridiculous.

Of course not.

[ghostly moaning]
- What was that?

- Uh, that's one of the
ghosts we don't believe in.

[ghostly moaning]

- Come on.

[ghostly moaning]

- (WHISPERING) There must be
some logical explanation.

- (WHISPERING) Could
be the wind blowing

through the eaves of the house.

- Oh, of course.

That's what it is.

[thunder]

[ghostly moaning]

- (WHISPERING) Sergeant,
where's your gun?

- Oh, he hasn't worn it since
he shot himself in the foot

last year.

- I suggest you look
upstairs, Sergeant.

[thunder]

- Me?

Why me?

- Well, you're a
policeman, aren't you?

- That doesn't give me any
authority over ghosts.

- I think we all
better look around.

I'll take the upstairs.

Sergeant, you look down here.

And, and Mr. Wilson, you
go to the basement, OK?

[ghostly moaning]

- Let's draw straws.

See who goes first, huh?

[ghostly moaning]

- Help!
Ghosts!

Help!

- (WHISPERING) Sounds like
it's coming from the basement.

TRAMP (OFFSCREEN): Help!

- (WHISPERING) Mitchell, the
basement's around there.

- They're after me!

They're after me!

- Who's after you, man?

Who?

[ghostly moaning]
- It's the--

- Hey, hey--

[ghostly moaning]

- Good heavens!

Oh, they're coming!

- Save me, save me.

[ghostly moaning]

- Stop in the name of the law!

- Hi, Sergeant Mooney.

- Dennis, is that you?

- Hi, Dad.

Hi, Mr. Wilson.

- Oh, good grief.

- You mean they
really aren't ghosts.

- I am.

- You're not either, Herman.

- Well, what do you know?

- Hey, just a minute.

Who are you?

- Me?

What?

Well, my good man, I, uh--

- Mitchell!

It's our ghost.

- Ghost?

Well, I am a man of
many accomplishments.

A gentleman of
leisure, you might

say, who has been
residing in the basement

of this charming edifice
for the past several years.

- Mitchell, we've
found our ghost.

[train whistle]

- And, uh, now if you
gentlemen will excuse me,

I believe that's the 12:22.

- 12:22 what?

- The 12:22 freight going south.

Because of a touch
of sinus condition

contracted in your
damp basement,

together with these
constant interruptions,

I have decided to
winter in Florida.

Adieu, gentlemen.

And may you show a
little more consideration

to your next tenant.

[theme music]

ANNOUNCER: This has been a
Screen Gems film production

from the Hollywood studios
of Columbia Pictures.