Original subtitles

- Dad!

- Yeah, son?

- Hey, dad, would you be proud of me

if I just did a baseball over 200 feet?

- Boy, I sure would be.

How do you know it was 200 feet?

- Because that's how far Miss Cathcart's front window

is from home plate.

- Oh.

Dennis!

[theme music]

- Pioneer blood is thinning out.

Krinkie's at it again with these editorials.

The men of this town are a generation of weaklings.

MARTHA (OFFSCREEN): George, your eggs are ready.

- Soft and flabby, pampered.

- What was that, dear?

- Coddled.

- I thought you wanted them scrambled.

- No, no, no, I mean this newspaper I'm reading.

That confounded Krinkie is still pounding away

with his insulting editorials and I'm getting sick of it.

- Yes, dear.

- Listen to this.

Just listen.

The grandsons of those hardy pioneers who built this town

have grown fat and soft and lazy.

That's me he's talking about. - Don't let that--

- Take away their television, their warm comfortable homes,

their telephones, and their neighborhood grocery store,

and they'd starve to death in 72 hours.

Tah!

We have all forgotten how to live off the land the way

our ancestors did.

- Your eggs are getting cold.

- Well my temper is boiling.

- You musn't take Mr. Krinkie's editorial

as a personal insult, George.

He doesn't mean you.

- Why of course he does, Martha.

He means every son of a pioneer in this town.

Well, by golly, Krinkie's going to hear for me about this.

- Fine.

But first have your--

- I'll write a letter to the editor

that'll sting his ears off.

- Seriously, Henry, with all the modern conveniences,

men generally just aren't as tough

as they were 100 years ago.

You know that.

I think Mr. Krinkie has a very good point.

- I think he's got a head full of sawdust, myself.

Anyway, Wilson's sure telling him off

and I'm delighted to see it.

- Well, what does he say?

Read it to me.

- Well, it says here, "My grandfather

lived on this land, Mr. Krinkie, like other brave man.

He built his home with his life and with his hands

and this heart."

- Oh, that's good.

- "And any red blooded descendant of those hardy pioneers could

do it again if need be.

Plenty of men in this town could take

a knife an axe and a fishing rod and live off the land

just like our forefathers did.

I am sick of your slurs and insults, Mr. Krinkie,

and for $0.02 I'd show you myself how it can be done."

You tell them, Mr. Wilson.

- Good old Mr. on.

- I don't think Mr. Wilson or anyone else

could live off the land with just a knife, a fishing

pole, and an axe these days.

- Robinson Crusoe did.

- Well, in books you can live off the land with nothing.

What does Mr. Krinkie say?

Does he answer him?

- Oh yes.

He says.

- "I will not only give you $0.02, Mr. Wilson,

but this paper will furnish the knife,

the axe, and the fishing rod.

Pick your own time, any three days

you like, and let's see you live off the land

like your pioneer great grandfather did."

- Goodness.

- "The gauntlet is down.

Prove to our readers and to the world

that modern man is not a cream puff."

Well of all the gall.

- I don't think Mr. Krinkie really means anything.

He's just trying to tease you.

- He's trying to make me the laughing

stock of this whole town, Martha.

- Oh, I wouldn't worry.

- The gauntlet is down.

Well, I can't let a challenge like that go unanswered,

and by golly I won't.

- Now, don't get upset, dear.

We're almost out of your nerve medicine.

- I am not upset, Martha.

I am mad.

But don't you worry, my dear.

We'll make out all right.

We'll get through those three days just fine.

- We?

Which we did you have in mind?

[doorbell ringing]

- Well, naturally I, well, I just assumed that wherever

I go that my wife would.

- Hi, Mr. Wilson.

- Oh, hello, Mitchell.

- Hi, Mrs. Wilson.

I want to congratulate you, Mr. Wilson.

That Krinkie had to be told off, and it's a pleasure

to be the neighbor of the man who did it.

- Thank you, Mitchell.

You're very kind.

Martha and I go into this quite unafraid

and completely determined.

- Really, George, I don't think you should count on me.

- But Martha, you don't expect me to go off into the woods

all by myself.

I've got to have somebody.

- Of course you do, dear.

But not me.

- I just wish you were planning on going

at a time when I could get away.

I'd love to.

- Oh, well I am, I am.

That's exactly when I'm going.

When can you get away?

- I don't know.

I was planning on taking a few days off this week,

but that's no good.

- No good, why, that's perfect.

Did you hear, Martha?

Mitchell's going with me.

Why, we leave tomorrow.

- Oh, good.

- Well, I wish I could, but I promised Dennis.

- Yes sir, we'll show Krinkie that the blood

of the pioneers-- Dennis?

What about Dennis?

- Dennis has a holiday coming up this week

and I promised to take him on a little trip some place.

- No.

Well can't you postpone it or get out of some way?

Oh, I guess he wouldn't hold still for that, would he?

- No, I promised.

Gee, I wish there was some way.

- Well, why couldn't you boys take Dennis with you?

He'd love to camp out.

- Yeah, I'm sure Dennis would it.

I don't know.

I'm afraid pioneer life's a little too

rough for a youngster.

- Oh, yes, Martha.

Much too rough.

Why, we have to live off the land,

you know, find our own food.

- Well, you certainly could take food along for Dennis.

Mr. Krinkie wouldn't expect him to be a pioneer and go hungry.

Just you two.

- Why, by golly, Martha, that sounds like a fine idea.

We wouldn't even have to touch Dennis's food.

- Why, that'd be perfect.

Dennis can take his own food supply

and you and I will live off the land.

- Spoken like a true pioneer.

We have a deal.

Boy, Dennis will just about flip when I tell him this.

- Good, a great going away shot.

But the one Krinkie really wants to see

is the picture of Mr. Wilson when

he comes dragging home in a couple of days.

- Well, I might just stay out there a week

or two to show up that Krinkie a little more.

- Frankly, he expects you back tomorrow morning, Mr. Wilson.

- I wouldn't depend on that.

- No, sir.

We might not ever come back. - Well.

[laughter]

- How about one more picture out in the driveway with the ladies

waving goodbye?

- Good, then I'll [inaudible].

Let's go.

- Boy, this is a swell place, dad.

Can I go skip rocks on the lake?

- Well, you'd better help us unpack first, son.

- Oh, on a trip like this, everybody works, Dennis.

Here's the key to the trunk.

- Oh, there's a lot to do before it gets dark, son.

- Yes sir.

First thing we've got to do is get the tent set up.

And then Mitchell, you can chop some firewood,

Dennis you can fill up the water bucket while I get down

to the lake and catch us a mess of trout for dinner.

That's the main thing, you know, food.

- Holy smoke, your mother certainly

packed enough food for you, son.

- Yeah, she knows what a good eater I am.

- Why, that's enough for an army.

Surely he doesn't-- Whats this?

- I don't know.

It's in your wife's handwriting.

- Hmm.

"In case the going gets too rough,

we hope this food will be enough."

- Hey, that's a poem.

- For Pete's sake, they don't have much faith in us, do they?

- No.

"Boys, don't take Mr. Krinkie's challenge

too seriously, please.

It's not worth getting sick about.

Take care of yourselves and bon appetite."

- And they both signed it.

Ha!

- Hey, does that mean we're all going to eat this?

- Why absolutely not, Dennis.

That basket is yours.

I have my axe, my knife, and my fishing rod,

and that's the way your dad and I are going the live.

- Off the land.

Yes sir. - Right.

That's a good looking pear.

- I'm a nectarine man, myself.

- Well, this is the life, Mitchell.

Yes sir, I tell you by the time that sun sets tonight,

we'll be squatting in front of our campfire

with a skillet full of the juiciest trout you ever saw.

- Fire's almost out.

Should I put some more wood on it?

- Why?

- In case we catch a fish later.

- Oh, well, there will be no more fishing tonight, Dennis.

Fish sleep too, you know.

- They must have been sleeping before, when you were fishing.

- Yeah, they certainly weren't biting today.

- Well, we just got too late a start, that's all.

Bright and early is the time to fish.

- Boy, I had my face fixed for trout.

- Well, don't you worry, Mitchell.

Tomorrow we'll eat like kings.

Why, that lake is full of fish.

- Yeah, we'll get out early.

- That's right.

I'll even show you how to make a rabbit trap, Mitchell.

- Gosh, are there rabbits around here too?

- Why of course.

Why, there are all kinds of animals in these woods.

Ah, fish for breakfast tomorrow and a nice fried rabbit dinner.

How does that sound, huh?

- Well, it sounds great, but you better fry two of them.

I could eat one by myself.

- Hold this a minute, Mr. Wilson.

I better keep my stuff in here if there's animals around.

I don't want any rabbits eating mom's chocolate cake.

- You're going to leave it here all night?

- I sure am.

Where you going, Mr. Wilson?

- I'm going to sleep outside.

Night, Mitchell.

Well, [inaudible].

- When do they start biting?

- Oh, they'll get hungry in a minute.

- It's been four hours already.

I'm starving.

- Hey dad, here comes Mr. Kowalski.

- Oh, no.

- Hi, Dennis.

- Hi, Mr. Kowalski.

- Well, how are Lewis and Clark doing today?

- Kowalski, what are you doing here?

- Oh, Krinkie sent me up to shoot a lot of stuff of you fellas.

Thinks we've got a good picture layout here.

- Are you going to live off the land like dad and Mr. Wilson?

- Me?

I'm going to live off the fat of the land, Dennis.

I got a big trailer bus up in the parking place,

right next to you, Mr. Wilson.

- Oh, you don't say?

- Yeah, got everything I need right in it.

I got a stove, an icebox, good comfortable bed, running water,

electricity, TV, the works.

- You go ahead and fish.

I'm going to explore the woods a little.

- Good.

- Ought to be able to find some berries

or something to tide us over.

- Look for wild strawberries, Mitchell.

They grow on tiny little--

- You got a strike!

Hey!

- Oh!

Oh look at him bend this rod, Mitchell!

He must be a big one.

- It's a whopper.

- Lunch and dinner.

- You'll bust your pole!

- Now, stay here, Dennis.

Plain and easy, he's big.

- Man oh man.

Get your camera ready, Kowalski f/11

500ths if you want to stop this action.

- Pull!

Pull his head up!

Keep his head up!

- I'll hold him.

- Drag him in.

- Don't horse him, though.

- Oh I wish I had a net.

Oh, I think he's coming, Mitchell.

Oh, just hope the rod doesn't break.

Ooh, if I could just get my hands in his gills.

- This sure beats berry picking.

Hang on to him.

- I'll bet this is the biggest bass in the lake.

Yeah.

Well, he's coming here.

Oh, here.

Here, Mitchell, help me.

Give me a hand.

Now.

We'll have him in a minute.

Oh, he's either a bass or a trout.

Don't let go, don't let go, don't let go.

Oh no!

- He's a milk can!

- [laughs]

- Come on, Dennis, Let's go hunt berries.

- I don't know what these berries are, Mitchell,

but they're not bad.

Not bad at all.

- Dennis tried them, didn't you, son?

- I ate two of them.

They're all right, I guess, if you

don't have anything else to eat.

- Well, Dennis, berries are very nutritious.

I feel stronger already.

- Hold it.

That'll make a great picture.

I even got a caption for it.

Pioneers eat first square meal, round berries.

- This sure is a wonderful trip you brought us on, Mr. Wilson.

- Well, Mitchell, we'll never make

a living just sitting here.

- That's for sure.

Let's go get that rabbit trap set up, huh?

- Right.

And we'll bait the rod again and put it out.

- Say, I haven't got a picture of you fellas

in front of the tent.

Hey, come on, line up there.

- Boy, I sure will be glad to see these pictures in the paper,

because then I can see how much fun I'm having and all the--

- Dennis, you're standing on my foot.

- Put your hand up on the tent pole there, Mr. Wilson,

give me a little smile.

Say cheese, Dennis.

- Now, look, Kowalski we have things--

- [laughs]

- Here we are, Mitchell.

I got us another clump of this stuff here.

All of this is definitely rabbit country around here.

Oh, yeah, this is going to work just fine.

- Well, I hope so.

- Oh, you'll see. this is a well worn rabbit track.

I can tell that.

Snare's just right.

That's fine.

Wouldn't it be wonderful to come around dinner time

and find that we've caught us a nice, big, fat rabbit?

- It sure would.

As A matter of fact, I'd be just as happy

if we could trap some ham and eggs.

- There.

that'll do it.

Good. Fine.

Thank you, Mitchell.

We'll just leave this here, come back around dinnertime.

- We should have baited that hook with worms in the first place.

- Oh, yes.

Fly fishing is all right for sport,

but when you're really hungry, there's nothing like worms.

For bait, I mean.

- I'll go chop some wood and get a good fire going for dinner.

I got a feeling our luck's changed.

- I think so to, Mitchell.

- Careful, Mr. Wilson, don't let them burn.

- They sure look good, Mr. Wilson.

Nice and brown.

- I think they're ready now.

- You found something, huh?

What's cooking?

- Berries.

- Yeah.

Mr. Wilson fried them tonight.

Can I have some, dad?

I never tasted fried berries before.

- Sure.

- Ugh!

They're even worse fried.

- Any time you fellas want to give up, just holler.

I got a nice leg of lamb up there

I'm saving for just such an occasion.

- What do you mean, give up?

- Oh, I didn't mean to insult you, Mr. Wilson.

- A leg of lamb?

- My pioneer ancestors lived off this land with nothing

but their bare hands.

And by golly, we can too.

- You sure can, can't you, dad?

We'll show Mr. Krinkie all right.

- Oh, yeah, you bet we will, son.

- Why, mother nature provides her children

with plenty of food Kowalski.

All we have to do is find it.

- And tomorrow morning I'm going to help you.

I'll find plenty of stuff for you to eat, dad.

Night, Mr. Wilson.

- Good night, Dennis.

- I'm going to watch The Late Show on TV.

Garbo's on tonight.

- Well bully for her. - Yep.

You give me an hour of Garbo and a couple of cans of cold beer

and I can sleep like a baby.

Good night.

- Blowhard.

- I think I'll skip the berries, tonight, Mr. Wilson.

Just have a nice cold can of water--

I mean a cold drink of water and go to bed.

Night.

- Night, Mitchell.

Oh, Mitchell, did you check the trap, the rabbit trap?

- Nothing. It wasn't even touched.

Any fish?

- No.

They stole the bait on us.

Where's Dennis?

He's got to dig us some more worms.

Oh, I haven't got the strength.

- He's out climbing trees or something.

He's having a ball.

- You know, Mitchell, I'm beginning

to be sorry I started this thing.

- Oh, we'll make it all right, Mr. Wilson.

All we have to do is get through today and tonight

and half of tomorrow and-- that's a long time, isn't it?

- Awfully long. - Something will happen.

I've got water boiling over there.

It's all ready.

All we have to do is find something to put into it.

- Well by golly, I'm not going to give up.

I'll make Krinkie eat his confounded newspaper

if it's the last thing I-- Hey, look.

A peanut.

- Must be one of Kowalski's.

Let's split it.

It was lucky a squirrel didn't get here ahead of us.

- Right. We'll split it even.

Half for you, half-- wait a minute.

I've got an idea.

Now suppose I leave this nut where a squirrel will find it.

Now, he'll race to the place where

he stores the nuts with it, right?

- Uh, probably.

- And I'll be right behind him with a long time

to reach in and grab the stored goodies.

- It sounds kind of silly, Mr. Wilson,

you chasing after a little squirrel like that.

- Oh, but I've got to try it, Mitchell.

Oh, these are times that try men's stomachs.

Oh, lost him.

Hey, apples!

Oh, oh, manna from heaven!

Oh, nice ripe apples.

Oh, oh.

This will save our lives.

- Hey, you.

Get out of that tree.

- Oh, hello there.

- You don't get out of the tree, I'll

fill your britches with buckshot.

- Yes, sir.

Coming right down.

I, uh, I, uh, I didn't know that-- well, I

thought this orchard was abandoned.

I wasn't really looking for apples, anyhow.

I'm looking for a squirrel.

- I don't allow hunting on my property either.

You [inaudible] city fellas are always tromping around my land.

- Oh, I'm not hunting.

I'm looking for something to eat.

Anything.

I'm starving.

- Here.

Now get off my land.

- Yes sir.

I'm going.

- I don't know about you, Mitchell,

but this is just about the last straw for me.

- Hold it.

Hold it.

That will make a great shot.

That's it, Mr. Wilson.

Just look at the apple core and give me a big smile.

- Smile?

If I had the strength, I'd poke you in the nose.

- Oh, great.

Oh, Krinkie's going to love this whole layout.

Oh, it's got heart.

- I can't stand it any longer.

I'm starting.

- I don't think I can either.

- I didn't think you guys would last this long, myself.

You know, Krinkie thought you'd be back yesterday.

- I think I'd have given up long ago if it wasn't for Dennis.

I just don't know how to explain to him that we can't--

- That bothers me more than anything, Mitchell.

Why, he thinks we're both heroes.

- Heroes get hungry.

Oh, you guys done good.

Come on now.

Give up.

Grab a sandwich and a slab of that chocolate cake

there apiece and I'll grab your picture.

- Well, I, I-- oh, I don't know.

- Well, that's the picture that Krinkie wanted anyhow.

Get a good shot of Mr. Wilson when he gives up, Krinkie said.

DENNIS (OFFSCREEN): Gives up?

You mean give up being pioneers?

- Well son, I--

- My dad and Mr. Wilson never give up.

I bet they could live of the land for years

if they wanted to.

- Sure they could.

If they wanted to.

Come on now.

Grab a sandwich there.

- Heck, with all the fish down there on that lake,

anybody could.

Come on, dad, let me show you.

- Role Dennis, we know there are plenty of fish in the lake,

but we just can't catch them, son.

We've tried our best and we've got to have food.

- We've just been trying in the wrong place, dad.

You can catch these fish, all right.

Come on!

Now look in there.

- Huh?

Great Scott!

- What is it?

- Fish! A whole mess of them.

- Wow!

Look at that.

Let's dump them out.

- Yes!

Dennis, you saved the day!

- I didn't do anything, dad.

Mr. Wilson caught the milk can.

- Why, by golly, I did at that.

And I never had a tougher fight with a fishing rod in my life.

- I knew he had something big on that line.

- Look at those beautiful trout!

10 of them!

- 10 trout on one single cast.

Well, my pioneer great grandfather

never caught fish like that.

[laughing]

- Well, I am full.

- Me too.

- I told you I'd show Krinkie, didn't I?

- Oh, you certainly did, Mr. Wilson.

- And we have enough fish to last us.

The next 24 hours will be a cinch.

- Boy, will Mr. Krinkie see how wrong he was.

- Oh, I knew all along we could do it.

Mr. Kowalski, how about getting a picture of the pioneer

party in our moment of triumph?

- As soon as I swallow. hate to take

a picture with food in my mouth.

- Why don't you get into this one with us?

Just set it on automatic timer at f/11 again

and you're in business.

- Say cheese! - Cheese!

[theme music]

- This has been a Screen Gems film production

from the Hollywood studios of Columbia Pictures.