Original subtitles

- That's game, and an extra trick double.

- Good thinking, Mrs. Mitchell.

- And of course, I double.

Hm, I haven't had a decent hand all evening.

I don't know why I bother playing this stupid game.

- Why don't we play five-handed slapjack?

- It's getting close to your bedtime, Dennis.

- I think I'll pass.

- I'll bet a spade.

- Oh, it's up to me?

- Yes, mother.

- A spade?

Well, let's see now.

- Hey, Mr. Wilson's cards all look like Valentines.

- Oh, great Scott.

[theme music]

- Hi, bird.

Hi.

My name's Dennis.

What's your name?

Hi.

Hey, Mr. Bergstrom, why won't he answer me?

- Oh, just stubborn, I guess.

He won't say a word.

And who wants an old mynah bird that won't talk?

- I bet I could teach him.

Hi, bird.

- I doubt it, Dennis.

He's a pretty old bird to learn new tricks.

- Hi, bird.

- I'll tell you what, Dennis.

I can't palm him off on anybody else, so if you buy the cage,

I'll give you the bird.

- Jeepers, thanks Mr. Bergstrom.

But I'm afraid my dad wouldn't let

me have a talking bird without my mother's permission.

And she's still at my grandpa's taking care of his broken foot.

- And who's taking care of you?

- My Grandma Mitchell.

Hey, maybe she'll help me talk my dad into it.

But it isn't going to be very easy.

My dad isn't going to be in a very good mood when

he sees this report card.

- I'd, uh, let you have him for, say, $4.

- How much do you want down?

- Ho, ho, ho, sorry, Dennis.

You know I don't sell on credit.

But you just think it over, and you

let me know if you want him.

- Jeepers, I don't have to think about it.

I just got to figure out how to raise $4.

Sure wished I'd have paid more attention to the teacher.

Well, goodbye, bird.

I'll come see you after school tomorrow.

- Let's see, language skills good,

arithmetic fair-- fair, that's below average.

- Jeepers, dad, arithmetic's hard.

- Well, maybe it is, but you can do better than this.

- Well, perhaps if you helped him, Henry.

- I intend to, mother-- every night, before television.

- I got an excellent in one thing.

- You did, what?

- Why, that's splendid, Dennis.

We're very proud of you, aren't we, Henry?

- Physical education.

Well, I, I suppose that's something.

- Well, it certainly is.

A sound body is extremely important.

- Music good, art average.

- Average?

Well, in my opinion, Dennis deserves an excellent in art.

Why, his colors are won-- well, at least I think so.

- So do I.

- Work habits need improvement.

Dependability unsatisfactory?

- Jeepers, dad, I didn't mean to me unsatisfactory.

- No, I'm sure you didn't, son.

You're a fine boy and we all love you very much.

But-- - I love you, too, dad.

I love you, and I love mom, and I love my poor old granddad.

- That's nice, Dennis, but--

- And I love my Grandma Mitchell, and I love Mr. Wilson,

and I love--

- Dennis, we're talking about your dependability.

- One boy in our class got unsatisfactory in everything.

- It's just a lucky thing if that little boy's name

isn't Dennis Mitchell.

- Boy, it sure is.

I sure wouldn't like to be that kid.

Boy, I'll bet when he got home he--

- Dennis, we're talking about you.

- Oh, I thought we'd finished that.

- It's going to be a whole new regime around here.

I'm going to help you as much as I can, but--

- Gee, thanks, dad.

- You're going to have to buckle down and start

doing the things you're supposed to do

when you're supposed to do them.

- Well, I will, dad, I promise.

Can I go watch television now?

- Dennis, what did you say you were going

to do when we finished looking over your report card?

Your room.

You promised to go up and straighten up your room.

- Oh, yeah.

Beat you to the top of the stairs.

You said you were going to help me all you could.

- Up.

- I think so, too.

- Well, here we are.

- May I help you.

- Oh, no thank you, dear.

Can't Dennis come downstairs long enough just

to have a piece of cake?

- Now, mother.

Well, I'll go see how he's doing.

- OK.

- Dennis! Dennis!

- I'm doing it, dad, just as fast as I can.

- Well, that's the spirit, son.

You're doing real fine.

Tell you what, when you get through, you come on down

and have a piece of cake with us, huh?

- OK!

- Dennis is working like a beaver.

You know, I think that little talk

I had with him did some good after all.

Thank you.

Mother thinks I expect too much of Dennis,

but he's got to learn to be more responsible.

Don't you agree, Mr. Wilson?

- Absolutely.

Not that Dennis is a bad boy, but--

- Dennis is a lovely child.

I know you think I spoil him, but I brought you up

and you turned out all right.

- Well, there's no argument there.

- If you ask me, bringing up a child

is much like training a dog.

You're stern when they misbehave, and reward them

when they're good.

- We all like to be rewarded for good behavior.

- You may have a point, Mr. Wilson.

Perhaps if Dennis behaves himself and makes good grades,

I should offer him a reward.

- You got a deal.

Boy, wait 'til you see it.

It only costs $4 and it sure is a bargain.

- What cost $4?

- My reward.

It's the most beautiful bird cage I ever saw in all my life.

- Dennis I didn't say I'd buy you a bird.

- I won't even ask you to, dad, I promise.

I just want to buy the cage.

- Son, that doesn't make sense.

People don't buy bird cages unless they own a bird.

- Well, if I owned a bird cage, somebody might give me a bird.

- I, I wouldn't count on that. - Jeepers, dad.

A bird cage is what I want most in the whole world.

- Henry, I remember some of the things

that you wanted when you were his age,

and an empty bird cage doesn't sound unreasonable to me.

- Tell you what, Mitchell, eh, if Dennis earns his bird cage,

maybe somebody just might give him

a bird to put in it-- uh, one that isn't too, heh, noisy.

- The kind of bird I'm hoping somebody

will give me isn't noisy at all.

- A bird makes a nice, quiet pet for a boy.

And now that Dennis has something to work for--

- Every child needs an incentive.

- All I need is $4.

- OK, son, it's a deal.

No television or a bird cage-- it's up to you.

- Yes, sir.

- Here Dennis, have your cake.

- Oh!

- Sorry, Mr. Wilson.

- Mrs. Wilson?

- Well, just a tiny slice.

- Martha!

She starves herself all day and then eats two pieces of cake.

Absolutely no willpower.

- Well, this is my last fling.

Tomorrow I'm going to Dr. Simpson,

and he's putting me on a special diet.

And this time I'm determined to stick to it.

- Ha!

- Well, you wait and see if I don't.

- Boy, I wished I had to go to Dr. Simpson.

He gives the best lollipops in town.

- Martha, tell you what I'll do.

Now, Dennis isn't the only one who needs an incentive.

Now, it's no good going to a doctor

if you don't take his advice.

But if you'll do as he says, I'll

buy you a new evening dress to go with your new figure

and we'll go out dancing to celebrate.

- Now, you all heard him say that.

- We sure did, Mrs. Wilson.

We sure are lucky to have him, aren't we?

- Hi, Mr. Bergstrom.

I can buy the bird cage.

Only I got to wait until next month's report card.

- Well, a month's a mighty long time to wait, Dennis.

- Jeepers, Mr. Bergstrom, you can't

give that bird to somebody else.

- I'm afraid you're so right.

- I just got to have that bird.

- Well, I wouldn't worry about it, Dennis.

I don't think anybody else is likely to make

me a better offer.

- Well, I better not be late for school.

I'll come see you this afternoon.

Goodbye, bird.

- There you are, Martha.

Now, you eat everything that's on this list and not one

bite of anything else.

And take a few sitting up exercises every morning.

George.

- How is she, doc? - Fat.

- A-ha! - Otherwise, she's in fine--

[door closing]

- Hi, everybody.

Hey, Mr. Wilson, I did real good in school today.

- Where did you come from?

- The pet shop.

I saw you drive by, Mr. Wilson.

- Hm.

Well, I suppose we'll have to give you a lift home.

- And you can tell us what you learned today.

- Thank you.

I thought you'd like to know.

- Go wait outside, Dennis, will you, and you, too, Martha?

I want to take a look at George.

- Oh, oh, I feel fine, doc.

I just brought Martha down to make sure she'd get here.

You know how women are-- full of good intentions,

but no willpower.

- Get out of your clothes and climb up onto the table.

- Doc, I don't need an examination.

There's nothing the matter with me.

- Don't be nervous, Mr. Wilson.

He doesn't hurt a bit.

- Oh, I'm not nervous.

I just don't need an examination.

- On the table.

- If you don't want your lollipop,

you can give it to me.

- Oh, for Pete's sake.

Oh, there's nothing wrong with me.

My blood pressure's perfectly normal-- isn't it?

Oh, I wish I knew how to read that thing.

- Let me know if this hurts.

- Ouch!

- You big baby-- I haven't even started yet.

- No, but your hands are cold.

92, 93, 94, 95, 96, 97, 98, 99, 100.

Oh.

- All right, George, back on the table.

- Oh.

[groaning]

[whistling]

- What are you going to do now, doc?

- Take it easy, George.

All I want's a little blood.

- Blood, what for?

Ow!

Ooh, that hurts.

How's it look, doc?

- Red.

- Well, that's normal, isn't it?

What's the matter, doc?

You look worried.

- You'd look worried, too, if you had my overhead.

All right, George, you can get your clothes on.

- Doc, I don't think there's anything

seriously wrong with me, do you?

Doc?

- Yeah.

- Oh, well, now, doc, I trust you implicitly.

If, if you feel you ought to call in a specialist, why,

uh, you're the doctor.

I'll agree with anything you say.

- Get your clothes on, will you, George?

- But doc, all I ask is that you be absolutely honest with me.

If, if, you think there's anything wrong,

I mean anything seriously wrong--

- There's nothing wrong, George.

- Now, don't you try to soften the blow.

I'm a big boy.

Just give it to me straight from the shoulder, I can take it.

- Martha.

- Oh, no, doc, don't tell my wife-- she's not strong enough.

- You're both strong enough to pull a plow.

Uh, wait outside, will you, Dennis?

Let me see that diet I gave you, Martha.

- Are you all right, George?

- Oh, of course I'm all right, Martha.

Ha, I'm as strong as an ox.

I told him that before the examination.

- You still have that exercise bicycle?

- You know, I, I was telling Martha

that she wouldn't have to worry about her weight

if she just exercised once in a while like I do.

- How often is "once in a while?"

- Uh, well, I--

- He hasn't touched it in months.

- Well, I don't need to.

I work in my garden.

- I want you to chalk up at least 10 miles every morning.

- What?

- This diet will be fine for both of you.

- But this is ridiculous.

I'm not fat.

- Dear, it doesn't pay to go to a doctor

if you don't follow his advice.

- Oh, fiddle faddle.

I'm as solid as a rock.

Oh!

- It's be easier for me to stick to my diet

if we both eat the same things.

- Each of you can set an example for the other.

- It'll be fun doing it together.

- But I am not fat!

- What is that around your waist, a money belt?

You're fat, and I'm busy.

Good bye.

- But doc--

- I'll see you when you come in to be weighed.

- Hey, Dr. Simpson, you forgot to give good old Mr.

Wilson his lollipop.

Thanks.

Hey, Mr. Wilson, wait for me!

Hi, bird.

You know what I'm going to call you?

I'm going to call you George, after good old Mr. Wilson.

Because if it wasn't for him, I might not

be getting you for my reward.

You like the name George?

[screech] - Huh, George?

Well, I'll see you again tomorrow.

Bye, George!

[screech]

3 times 1 are 3.

3 times 2 are 6.

3 times 3 are 9.

3 times 4 are 12.

3 times 5 are 16.

3 times 6 are 12.

- 3 times 6 are what? - 18.

I was just seeing if you folks were paying attention.

- Come on now, Dennis, stop horsing around.

- 3 times 1 are 3.

3 times 2 are 6.

- You've done that already, Dennis.

Start with 3 times 5.

- Yeah, but if I don't start from the beginning,

I get all mixed up.

3 times 1 are 3.

3 times 2 are 6.

3 times 3 are 9.

3 times 4 are 12.

- Henry, it's 8 o'clock.

Don't you want to watch the fights?

- Oh, that's right.

- 3 times 1 are 3.

2 times 2 are 6.

- Dennis, I think we've done enough for awhile.

Let's take a breather, huh?

- Jeepers, dad.

We've still got our 4s to do.

- Well, we can do that later, OK?

- You said arithmetic before television.

- You're absolutely correct, Dennis.

Business before pleasure.

Go on.

- 3 times 1 are 3.

3 times 2 are 6.

3 times 3 are 9.

3 times 4 are 12.

- A mile and a half?

Oh.

Ah.

- George.

- Well, there's something the matter

with this stupid register, Martha.

I've been on this infernal machine for more than an hour,

and-- - 10 minutes.

- Oh, then the clocks have stopped.

- Dennis wouldn't think you were setting me a very good example.

- Well, I didn't ask Dennis to set me up as a little tin god.

- Not tin, dear-- gold, solid gold.

- Hey, Mrs. Wilson!

Hi, Mr. Wilson.

Hi, Mrs. Wilson.

My grandma says turn on your television set right away.

- Huh, what is it? What's the matter?

Are we being attacked?

- and one, two, three, kick.

One, two, three, kick.

Well, come on, dear, you can kick your little footsie higher

than that, hm?

And one, two, three, kick.

Keeping time, kick.

That a way, girls, kick.

One, two, three, and rest.

That was fine, dear ladies.

Mike is proud of you.

Well, I see we have a newcomer into our little club.

Step right in my viewer and don't be shy.

Perhaps you feel you're not looking your best.

But you stay with us, and before you know it

you'll be as slim and beautiful as you deserve to be.

- Oh, turn him off.

- You exercise your way, I'll exercise mine.

- And now for that swan-like neck.

Uh, do you remember what I showed you?

Now, chin out, head back, and slowly around

and around and around.

Well, that's fine.

And now the other way.

Around, all around the town, twisting off those double chins

and wrinkles, too.

That's the way, dear ladies.

Mike is proud of you.

- Why that strutting popinjay couldn't

last six miles on this machine.

- Heck no.

That's sissy stuff he's doing, huh, Mr. Wilson?

Jeepers, Mr. Wilson, you're doing swell.

Only eight more miles to go.

6 times 1 is 6.

6 times 2 are 12.

6 times 3 are--

- Well, you know that, Dennis.

- Jeepers. - 18.

- You know something, dad?

- I know if we don't get on with this,

there won't be any time for you to watch television.

- 6 times 3 is the same as 3 times 6.

And 6 times 4 is 24.

And 6 times 5 is 30.

- That's right.

- And 6 times 6 are 36.

And 6 times 7 is 42.

And I bet you a hundred million dollars that when I get there,

7 times 6 is going to turn out to be the same thing.

- You're absolutely correct.

- Jeepers, that's very interesting.

- George, look, I've lost another pound.

- Oh, well, good for you, my dear.

MIKE DUVALL (ON TELEVISION): Good morning, dear lady.

My, you're looking fit.

Mike is proud of you.

Shall we get right to work?

What do you say?

All right, hands on hips and take a deep breath, like this.

Now exhale.

That's the way.

All the way out now, bend left, bend right, and touch.

Bend left, bend right, and stretch.

OK, girls, left, and right, and touch.

Little faster.

Left, and right, and touch.

- Hi, George.

Hi, George.

Hey, Mr. Bergstrom, he's beginning to know me.

Hi, Georgie.

- Everything just hangs on me, doctor.

- It's been good for you, too, George.

You look more relaxed than you have in years.

- Well, I don't feel relaxed.

Inside I'm a jittering wreck.

If I don't show how nervous I am,

it's because I'm too stiff to jitter.

- Well, you can come and help me pick out my new dress.

That will cheer you up.

- There's only one thing that will cheer me up-- the thought

that I won't have to listen to or watch

that Mike Duvall anymore.

- I did it!

Hey George, I did it!

I got a good report card.

I'm going home to get my $4, George.

You stay here with Mr. Bergstrom until I get back.

- Now this report card's more like it.

I'm real proud of you, son.

- Me, too.

Oh, grandma already gave me my $4.

Come on in the kitchen.

Everybody's looking at my reward.

- Oh!

Well, hello, everybody.

Uh, Dennis, not a mynah bird.

- Oh, it's all right, Mitchell-- this one doesn't talk.

And Dennis, you will have to realize if a bird hasn't said

anything at his age, he's too old to learn.

- That's OK, I like him anyway.

- Well, as long as you're satisfied with your reward.

- Well, it's a big day around here.

Dennis gets what he wants, Martha

has a closet full of new clothes, and I guess you

and I aren't any the worse for it.

- Now, let's see, what would be a good reward for a bird?

I tell you what, if you buckle down and try,

I'll let you watch television with me.

- Aw.

- Well.

- How do I look?

- Ah, as pretty as the first day I ever saw you.

- Oh, you look very nice yourself, dear.

Oh.

- Well, of course I'm not any Mike Duvall.

- You're much more distinguished.

[dog barking]

- What's the matter with Fremont?

- There must be someone in the backyard.

He never barks unless he hears someone.

- Quiet, Fremont!

MYSTERY VOICE

- Hello, who's out here?

Who's calling my name?

MYSTERY VOICE (OFFSCREEN): Hi, George!

George!

- Martha, it's coming from the Mitchell's.

Why, they must be in trouble over there.

- Hi, George!

Hi, George!

- Jeepers, George, that's swell.

I knew you could do it.

- What's going on in here?

- George can talk!

Jeepers!

Hi, Mr. Wilson, my bird can talk.

We sure are proud of you, aren't we, dad?

Huh, dad? Jeepers.

- Hi, George!

Might proud! Jeepers!

[dog barking]

- Be quiet, Fremont, it's only a bird.

- Hi, Fremont!

Hi, George!

- Oh, for Pete's sake.

- Lift your little footsie and a one, two, three, four.

Hi, George!

Mike is proud of you!

- Sounds just like Mike Duvall.

- I knew you could do it.

Hi, Georgie.

- And a one, two, three, and Mike is proud of you.

[applause]

[theme music]

ANNOUNCER: This has been a Screen Gems Film Production

from the Hollywood Studios of Columbia Pictures.